Marshal Renatus Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Exemplars of the Codex http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v15/StormShadow98/SkySentinelFin.jpg “Venerate the Emperor; for your life is one of His great works. Honor the Primarch; so that in his name and example all aspire. Uphold the Codex; for in its hallowed pages lie salvation for all mankind. Hold close these tenets and be recognized as a warrior of the Imperium. Cast even one aside and you tread a path toward damnation.” – Chaplain Belestarius, 234.M37, Reclusiarch of the Sky Sentinels Index Astartes: Sky Sentinels Born during the Golden Age of the Imperium, the Sky Sentinels have been a stalwart presence in Segmentum Tempestus. Differing from their Black Consul forefathers, and their Ultramarine forefathers before them, the Sky Sentinels disdain the heralding of their many glories, and have remained one of the less known scions of Guilliman despite their millennia of service. Time enough for the reciting of the Chapter’s battle honors when the Imperium is restored to the days of the Great Crusade and its enemies eradicated.Origins: Founded in the 33rd Millennium as part of the Ninth Founding, the Sky Sentinels http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v15/StormShadow98/symbol.pngwere a direct response to the proliferation of anarchy fomented by traitor and xenos threats in the Segmentum Tempestus. The Black Consuls, hallowed Second Founding Chapter of the Ultramarines, were selected to provide the training cadre for the nascent chapter. With great solemnity Captain Titus Aeneas, 3rd Company Commander, accepted the mantle of leadership for the chapter and assumed the honorific of Chapter Master.In addition to expunging any taint of traitor forces, the Sky Sentinels were sworn to reverse the in-roads made by the degenerate Orks during the upheaval of the Scouring. Once contained, the Chapter was to monitor the Ork-held planets of V’Run and Jurn. Recognizing the expansive nature of this mission, the Chapter was equipped and trained for mobility and responsiveness beyond that of a standard Astartes force. They were furnished with the latest models of rapid response vessels and strike cruisers and the massive battle barge Shield of Terra, while for land combat they were presented with an expansive compliment of Rhino transports, as well as an impressive fleet of Thunderhawk gunships.The reverse side of this boon was that the chapter was, unfortunately, denied much of the heavier equipment seen amongst the Astartes; less than half the usual number of Land Raider and Predator tanks, less than a quarter of their expected Vindicators, and not one Whirlwind artillery system. It is unknown whether this was by intentional design or is simply an indicator of how precariously thin the Imperium’s forgeworlds were stretched during this time.Ordered to begin operations immediately, the Sky Sentinels found themselves posted to the Perun Sector of Segmentum Tempestus, where they were assigned the homeworld of Pranagar. Its strategic location next to the Ork empires of V’Run and Jurn made Pranagar an excellent base of operations, and the relative stability of the area’s warp-space meant that the sector would be unlikely to see the types of warp storms that typically plagued the segmentum. This stability ensured that the Chapter could capitalize upon its exceptional mobility and responsiveness.The Sky Sentinels quickly established themselves upon Pranagar, and began to blaze a path of inevitable conquest. Wherever battle called the Sky Sentinels answered. They offered their quarry no refuge, and countered their attacks at every turn in actions ranging in size from squads to multiple companies. Obliterating heretic, traitor, and xenos alike, the Chapter secured the Perun Sector in under a decade. Turning their attention to the Ork menace, the Chapter embarked upon a program of systematic annihilation of the Ork leadership. Aided by the foresight of the Chapter Librarium and using precision assaults on suspected Ork command nodes, the Sky Sentinels pre-empted several Waaagh’s before they could materialize. Notable Battle Honors -Eradication of the Festering Blade Cult, Decius Prime, 2nd Company. -Eradication of Waaagh Grugspaatz, Siege of Vikron Hive, 5th Company.-Destruction of the Skerox Archetype, Occlusiad Wars, 4th Company joined by 3rd Company of the Dark Hunters Chapter.-Defeat of the Dark Apostle Tyr’kan, Atek’le Bay, all Chapter Companies present.-Exterminatus of the Traitor and Devourer, Sondheim V, 3rd Company. During this time the Perun Sector was noted for its relative stability, and the Sky Sentinels were beginning to draw comparisons to their primogenitor, the Black Consuls, for their strict adherence to the Codex, their tenacity in battle, and their unquestioned integrity and leadership. Then, in succession, came the dark days of the Age of Apostasy and the Occlusiad. Madness gripped the Imperium as it was assaulted from within as well as without. The cunningly devious xenos of both the Eldar and Orks were quick to exploit the upheaval, and pushed into Imperial territory. Sworn to defend the sector, the Chapter was honor bound to respond. As such the Sky Sentinels found themselves pulled into hundreds of unexpected conflicts and stretched almost to the breaking point.It was during this time that the Sentinels first came into contact with the Dark Hunters, a brother chapter recently founded and posted to the segmentum. Forging a bond through the crucible of battle, the combined forces of both Chapters have stood against their numberless enemies on many occasions. When word reached the Chapter that the Dark Hunters were being tasked with the destruction of a particularly vicious and destructive traitor marine faction, known as The Punishers, it was with pride that the Sky Sentinels petitioned to join the Dark Hunters on this righteous quest. Granted the privilege of destroying these stains upon the honor of all Astartes, the Sky Sentinels have split the majority of their resources between their continued pruning of the Ork menace and this new threat.The arrival of Hive Fleet Leviathan in 997.M41 has seen a new and dangerous adversary presented to the Sky Sentinels. While left predominantly out of the path of Leviathan, the detritus of the passing Hive Fleet has threatened systems of interest to the Chapter. Perhaps the largest and most one-sided of these events being the destruction of the Sky Sentinels’ flag ship, Shield of Terra and the death of their Chapter Master, Alexei Novokoff. Assuming the mantle of Commander of the Sky Sentinels, Anton Gavrilov, formerly Captain of the 1st Company, ascended to the position of Chapter Master, a position he maintains. The loss of their fleet flagship, the Shield of Terra, was a heavy blow for the Chapter. And the loss of so many veteran leaders, experienced Battle-Brothers, and precious wargear has been difficult to overcome. The Sky Sentinels are the scions of Guilliman, however, and nothing save their complete destruction will see them falter. With a fire in their hearts and steel in their souls, the Chapter has turned their somber gaze to those deserving of their wrath.Homeworld: Pranagar is the sole inhabited planet in the Tellestus System. The planet spends its existence in brutally frigid conditions, and due to its erratic orbit sees less than six hours of sunlight a day. Pranagar's ecosystem is dominated by a wide variety of avian species, and some of the larger raptors are dangerous even to the Chapter's aircraft. From where, or when, the original inhabitants came is impossible to chronicle as no records exist detailing their arrival. Reconquered by the Ultramarines in the Great Crusade, the planet is a civilized world which serves as a rare model of Guillimanic efficiency outside of Ultramar. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v15/StormShadow98/PranagarII-1.png The Ice Planet of Pranagar The population is consolidated into twelve walled cities and is collectively ruled over by the Council of Twelve, leadership selected from the cities to be both the legislative and judiciary wings of the government. The Council is responsible for selecting the planetary governor from among the population, and it is he that presides over the Council and the planetary administration. Most planetary governors go on to become members of the Council in their own right. The Chapter's Fortress-Monastery, Fell Talon, is built into the largest mountain range on the planet's northernmost continent. Its many halls and antechambers are buried deep below and within the mountains. Where the fortress sanctuary’s entrance breaks the surface sits the formidable works of Fell Talon Keep. Designed as both a secure landing area and protection for the fortress' entrance, the keep is built into the side of the mountain itself, and is only accessible by Thunderhawk or similar shuttle aircraft. The surrounding ridgeline and peaks are studded with missile and laser positions, myriads of sensoria arrays, and massive generatorium complexes that power the defensive void shields. Beliefs: The Sky Sentinels have continued the work of their primogenitors, and have remained staunchly adherent to the Codex Astartes. To the Chapter the Codex represents more than a holy work. It is the very word of the Emperor himself. As the Primarchs were made in His image, it is only logical that what was passed from Roboute Guilliman into the Codex originated from the Emperor’s own mind and soul. In this thread, adherence to its tenet and mandates, in the minds of the Sky Sentinels, is by implication commanded by the Emperor. Failure to follow this guidance carries the A Crushing Blow The loss of the Shield of Terra cost the Sky Sentinels many of their most prized relics. Only a few items were saved in the mad scramble from the wreckage, and proper stock of those could not be taken until the chapter had returned to Pranganar. There, the acolytes of the Reclusiam discovered that they had saved the chapter's most prized relic - an ancient copy of Guilliman’s great work, the Codex Astartes, the Sky Sentinels' greatest gift from the Black Consuls. The copy reputedly dates back to the days of Guilliman himself, and may be one of the first copies ever made of his original work. Swathed in a burnt, blood-stained cloth, its recovery from the dark, burning corridors of the Shield of Terra was nothing short of miraculous. The Sky Sentinels have taken its survival as a sign that the Primarch still watches over them steepest of penalties, as should all seditious acts. For the Chapter, dishonoring of the Codex, by deed or word, is punishable by death.This near-fanaticism with adherence to the Codex Astartes has only strengthened since word reached the Chapter of the Black Consuls destruction at Goddeth Hive. Burning with a cold fury at the loss of their forefathers, the Sky Sentinels view themselves as the torchbearers of their primogenitors, and are determined to carry the wisdom of the Emperor and Guilliman to all who would have it. Because of this, and in a moderate schism from their forbearers’ dogma, the Sky Sentinels believe in bringing the Codex to all the worlds and warriors that would embrace it. Its lessons have been drilled into the Pranagar PDF, and the Chapter has been known on many occasions to spend what resources it can to educate and train those who would accept the knowledge. The Sky Sentinels also see it as their duty to educate less-established chapters on the true meaning and implementation of the Codex. These well-meant attempts at educating and enlightening fellow Imperial servants have not always been received hospitably, and have caused strained relations with the Sky Sentinels’ allies on more than one occasion, indeed several less-enlightened chapters have excoriated the Sentinels for this practice. The Chapter’s insistence on remaining in full armor and helm in the presence of non-Astartes has been particularly distressing to many they would aid and advise. Believing that only a fellow Space Marine is worthy of truly knowing them, this particular quirk has frustrated more than a few Imperial Guard commanders and planetary leaders and resulted in less than open dialogue.Indeed, this rigid approach to warfare in the Emperor’s name has led many of their detractors to describe the Chapter as cold and arrogant, while their supporters counter that the Sky Sentinels are valiant, supremely rational, and bear a sense of honor and integrity in the model of their Primarch himself. It is certain the Chapter does its part to bring truth to both parties. A Sky Sentinel will never allow a vow of honor to be broken, even if it brings death to himself and unbearable cost to the Chapter. If it must be done the Sky Sentinels will see it done, the Codex in heart and bolter in hand. The lone exception to this tenet is made for those organizations that, by word or deed, disparage the Codex. While the Chapter strives to be an example for others to follow and will render assistance to any whom ask it of them, the Sky Sentinels also believe with equal conviction that, in some instances, only through suffering can the wayward be brought to accept the legacy of Guilliman. Dealings Within the Imperium To the Chapter’s great relief, there has been little interaction with the agents of the Inquisition during their years of service. The Sky Sentinels have gone out of their way to ensure this by carefully directing the timely remittance of their geneseed tithes, and ensuring its strict quality. The Chapter prides itself that in its millennia of service it has never given the Inquisition reason to question its methods or members, and so the Sky Sentinels will strive for it to remain. The Ordo Xenos of the Inquisition are the rare exception to the Chapter’s insular nature. The Sky Sentinels' many centuries of combat with the Ork menace and their more recent engagement with the Tyranid threat of Hive Fleet Leviathan have made them a favored resource for induction into the Deathwatch. The Sky Sentinels selected thus far have executed their duties with acknowledged skill and devotion, though the repeated deviations from Codex mandates and the exposure to aberrant chapter beliefs can be spiritually difficult for those selected. Indeed, those brothers who tread too far down this divergent path are encouraged to seek permanent secondment to the Deathwatch, lest the Chapter be forced to deal with them itself.Apart from the Inquisition, the Sky Sentinels maintain necessary connections with the Adeptus Mechanicus and the Ecclesiarchy, but, beyond this, pay their credos little heed. Those Battle-Brothers who take up the mantle of Techmarine are unequivocally clear in their true allegiance to Emperor, Primarch, and Codex, while those who achieve a position in the Reclusiam can barely contain their mockery of the Ecclesiarchy’s creed. The recent loss of the Sky Sentinels flagship Shield of Terra, combined with a growing requirement for heavier armored vehicles to combat the Tyranids, has forced the Chapter into an uncomfortable position in order to secure these precious resources. The Chapter’s recent pledge to escort Adeptus Mechanicus Explorator fleets into the Veiled Region, far to the west, appears to be a tactic on the part of Chapter Master Gavrilov to secure the rapid fulfillment of these shortages, but many in the Chapter continue to voice their reservations because of the already stretched resources such missions would require.Combat Doctrine: ”We move swift. We move silent. We move deadly. We will blaze a path into battle for others to follow, for always shall we be the vanguard of the Emperor’s wrath.” – Veteran Sergeant Volgoritz, 2nd Company What they lack in armored might the Sky Sentinels more than compensate for with the ingenuity, speed, and flexibility of their Battle-Brothers. The Chapters’ battle plans are noted for their precision and coldly methodical approach to warfare. Using their extensive studies of the Codex Astartes, the Chapter pursues any and all advantages in their quest to eliminate the enemies of Mankind. Due to the inherent flexibility of the Codex, a Sky Sentinels strike force can vary widely in its organization due to the nature of the mission at hand. While all of the forces will belong to a single Battle Company, it is common to see attachments from the Veteran, Reserve, and Scout Companies.Favoring the tactic of their founder Titus Aeneas, the Sky Sentinels look to eliminate the leadership of their enemy from the start. Originally put to use by the Chapter combatting Ork infestations, the Chapter has developed it into applicability against almost http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v15/StormShadow98/ick.png Stalker Pattern Bolter any enemy. Using small groups of rapid striking Battle-Brothers, the Sentinels eliminate the enemy leadership, leaving the bulk of the forces to flounder, either fleeing or falling to in-fighting. Inserted close to the enemies’ headquarters or base camp, typically by Thunderhawk gunship for their ability to provide close air support, the Sentinels’ strike force will eliminate the enemy leadership as swiftly as possible. Favoring Stalker-pattern bolters for the precious seconds of surprise they maintain, it is also not uncommon to see a Sky Sentinels’ Battle Brother equipped with a sniper rifle if the mission so dictates. When forces allow, the Chapter will use coordinated drop pod assaults to systematically eliminate an opponent’s leadership in one fell hammer-strike, rapidly exfiltrating them by transport to prevent the Chapter’s forces from being overrun. Disoriented by the loss of their leadership, the Sky Sentinels can then begin the complete destruction of the remaining ground forces until their victory is assured.The Chapter’s style of warfare has proven less successful, however, when combating the Tyranid menace. The sheer volume of enemy bio-organisms around the synapse creatures the Sky Sentinels would target greatly reduces the likelihood of a traditional strike force’s success. This has forced the Chapter to commit larger forces, normally a full Battle Company with attached support, and greater numbers of their precious armored resources. The Sky Sentinels leadership is becoming increasingly concerned that a point will come where the Chapter simply cannot maintain the number of operations required inside the Perun Sector.Organization: Holding tightly to the traditions of their forbearers, the Sky Sentinels take great pride in conducting their martial endeavors under the ample umbrella of the Codex Astartes, and strive to be exemplars of all that their Primarch stood for. The Chapter’s many centuries of service have seen little change to both their style of warfare and their equipment. They proudly maintain one of the finest fleets of rapid strike vessels and strike cruisers in the Segmentum, but are sorely pressed should heavier firepower be required due to the loss of their sole battle barge to the Tyranids. The Chapter is still under-equipped with armored resources such as Land Raider and Predator tank variants, but the manufactorum of Pranagar enable the Sky Sentinels to fill these gaps with lighter and less well armed vehicles like Rhino and Razorback transports. While the Chapter’s style of warfare has never required large formations of heavy armor, the new threat brought by the Tyranid horde has seen a dramatic increase in requisitions to the Adeptus Mechanicus for Land Raider and Predator variants.Breaking the Perun Sector into three distinct patrol areas, each Battle Company assumes full responsibility for the operations within their designated area, and builds and deploys strike forces as contingencies arise. The Battle Company not assigned to a patrol area is used to fulfill the Chapter’s additional duties, from spearheading hunts for The Punishers to escorting the Explorator Fleets of the Mechanicus and any other requirement that arises. Traditionally the unassigned Battle-Brothers of the Reserve Companies are responsible for garrisoning Fell Talon Keep while preparing for their next rotation on patrol. The increased enemy presence created by Hive Fleet Leviathan means more and more forces are required to respond to growing threats. This has, in instances, reduced the garrison to no more than thirty to forty marines, barely enough to provide command and control to all of the required defensive positions.The command and control of the Chapter’s strike forces, which can number in the dozens and stretch across several systems concurrently, requires both an incredible unity of the command structure and explicit trust and understanding between the Chapter Master and his subordinates. Constantly shifting the Chapter’s forces, like pieces on a game board, has allowed the Sky Sentinels to consistently outmaneuver their opponents for millennia.Geneseed and Recruitment: The Sky Sentinels’ geneseed is descended from the lineage of Roboute Guilliman via their primogenitor chapter, the Black Consuls. As such, its inherent purity is beyond contestation. The Chapter has the same view concerning their genetic heritage as they do the Codex Astartes, it is the very essence of the Primarch, himself the very essence of the Emperor. Where the Codex is the inherited sum of the Emperor’s mind, the Sky Sentinels’ believe each progenoid contains something of the Emperor’s very soul. His presence inside of each Battle Brother giving them the strength to stand when they should fall, keeping them resolute in the face of temptation, and calm in the presence of their foes. It is this inestimable honor that the Chapter bestows upon those it would have join its ranks.Beyond the Chapter’s occasional dealings with the planetary government, the Sky Sentinels have very little interaction with the population of Pranagar. The Chapter prefers the mystique they hold over the Pranagari people. Indeed, no living inhabitant can claim to have ever seen the seen the face of any Sky Sentinel, even on the rare instance they have been honored by the presence of a Battle-Brother. It is under this shroud of mystery that every year those graduates of the training collegium who have chosen to attempt to gain a place in the Adeptus Astartes begin their journey.Unlike other Chapters, there are no great games, no feats of strength or martial prowess that mark selection as an aspirant. The Sky Sentinels require only that an aspirant arrive at the transport that will deliver them to Fell Talon Keep before the appointed departure time. What transpires between the gates of their Walled City and the ramp of the transport is between them and the Emperor. Less than half the aspirants make the arrival. Many are consumed by the avian predators that inhabit Pranagar, many others simply succumb to the blistering cold and inhospitable terrain, and still more arrive too late, hindered by their own weakness or the very planet itself. Those that make the transport have taken the first steps of several decades’ worth of training and combat.Many will not make it beyond their years as an aspirant, settling for admittance into the Chapter’s servant ranks or worse should they be found truly wanting. Many more will not make it beyond their years in the scouts, lost to combat or unable to accept the physiological changes required to become an Astartes. Those that do survive are embraced into the Chapter as Battle-Brothers, and for the first time are permitted to see the faces of those elevated to that status before them, for the Sky Sentinels will only show their faces to their equals. This also marks the occasion where they are awarded the badges of a Sky Sentinel. The first is a branding of the Chapter symbol upon their left breast, a physical reminder to uphold their sacred duty. The second is their wargear; power armor, sanctified by the Master of the Forge himself and anointed with sacred oils and unctuals, and their holy bolter, deliverer of the Emperor’s righteous judgment.And so a youth of Pranagar is transformed from a boy of character and resolve into a blessed warrior of the Emperor and a scion of Roboute Guilliman; an angel of death carved in ceramite, steeled in courage, integrity, and humility, and wielding the very wrath of the Primarch himself.Battle Cry: Relying on speed, precision and stealth to execute their attacks, the Sky Sentinels rarely engage in unnecessary communication during combat operations. Before battle, however, it is common for Chaplains, or other leadership, to conclude the Rites of Holy Combat, which are always conducted in High Gothic, with the saying “Ex Caelum, Mortis.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Renatus Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 Homeworld updated. In know it's rough, but I want to make sure the content is there before I get cute with the code. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Renatus Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Just an update...Homeworld and Beliefs now fleshed out. C&C welcome! Thanks for reading my current wall of text, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Renatus Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Apologies for the triple post...but I get the impression I'm either doing something very right, very wrong, or very boring, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Shiny One Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 Its just very long... Beliefe me I can relate to you, but I havent gotten the muse to read everything, but will, because the color scheme looks cool and the name is pretty awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Renatus Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 @Shiny One: Agreed. It is admittedly long, as I'm just trying to flesh them out. Some will get cut, some put into sidebars...eventually. Let me know if you ever get the time to read through it all. Thanks for the post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Renatus Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 Combat Doctrine and Battle-Cry Sections added. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Hunter Ydalir Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 The one thing I'll say is that listing all of heir successes and actions during the official events of the Age of Apostasy and battling Leviathon it feels.... too much. It feels like you're pushing them into these places to make them more secure in the 40k universe. They also feel slightly too awesome in what they accomplish, frankly, though I'm not sure whether I just haven't read enough into them as it's 5:40am here and I really need to catch 40 winks before I get up and sort out two weeks worth of financial paperwork. Sorry, not to complain but I'm not looking forward to the coming day(light). In any case I think the IA is looking really good and it's a crying shame you haven't had more responses than this yet. Hopefully this will be just one of many more to come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Shall I add this to the "print it and read" list then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Renatus Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 @GHY: Admittedly, they are still in draft mode, and I've operated in the "more is better" theme initially. I always feel like it's easier to redact parts than to try and justify something out of nothing. I would appreciate it if you could focus on the Age of Apostasy and Leviathan pieces...I tried to talk about their activity during these times without putting them into anything canon, but I may have missed the mark or overdone. The 9th Founding proved trickier than I thought...so much history to discuss. @CJJ: Shall I add this to the "print it and read" list then? You'd be my hero for all eternity if you would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Renatus Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 All right loyal readers...(listens for crickets and echoes) Last update for a while. Real life is interjecting itself. I hope to have the Organization section completed later this week. But as my boys are firmly in the "Roboute a Written" corner...I imagine you can guess how that section will look. Any comments received are greatly appreciated. I truly do understand that it is a LOT of reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Zamiel Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 I am in the process of reading this and will hopefully have a fairly in depth C&C up in a few days. Don't count on it though... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 So! *cracks fingers* C&C for Mr. Renatus coming right up ;) Initial thoughts: As I scrolled through your IA, I immediately saw that it was too long and that it needed to be trimmed down. I also thought that some of the pictures were nice but there seemed to be too many headers. Anyway, on with the reading part. Introduction: Well written. I feel that it introduces the Chapter quite well. Nothing more to add. Origins: This part is way too long, taking up more than two A4 pages with extra top and bottom margin space. Needs to be cut down. the Sky Sentinels were sworn to reverse the in-roads made by various Ork Waagh’s during the upheaval of the 3rd Black Crusade Seeing as a single Ork Waaagh! is composed of at least over a million Orks, I think that trying to contain/stop one Waaagh! is enough for one growing Chapter. Let some other Chapters in the area help you too, as multiple Waaagh\'s in one sector is quite a threat. They were equipped with the latest models of rapid response vessels and strike cruisers each with highly advanced communication equipment, the massive battle barge Shield of Terra and for land combat, they maintained an impressive fleet of Thunderhawk and Stormbird gunships, in addition to an expansive compliment of Rhinos and Razorbacks. Just a small re-write for this part, correcting the typos and taking out the Stormbirds as they were put out of service after the Heresy, being replaced by the newer Thunderhawks. The reverse side of this boon was that the chapter was, unfortunately, denied much of the heavier equipment seen amongst the Astartes; less than half the usual number of Land Raider and Predator tanks, less than a quarter of their expected Vindicators, and not one Whirlwind artillery system. A good counter-balance for having so many advanced ships. I like it. Beyond its strategic location in relation to the Ork empires of V’Run and Jurn, Pranagar was home to one of the Astropathic Choirs of the Adeptus Astronomicon. Not a good idea. These are only placed on planets with significant importance and this would mean that Astartes wouldn\'t recruit from these worlds (with the exception of Macragge, but that\'s an exception, not a rule). Seemingly everywhere, wherever battle called the Sky Sentinels answered. For a growing Chapter, this is difficult, unless you are talking about a \"myth\" more than this being an actual reality. Also, if there are so many threats in the sector, why isn\'t there another Chapter there already, trying to stop it all. Creating a Chapter for this purpose is fine, but there should already be someone there, trying to push the threats back. Aided by the foresight of the Chapter Librarium and using precision assaults upon the command nodes for various tribes and potential Waagh’s, the Sky Sentinels kept the Orks off-balance and without leadership for centuries. Really? I find that hard to believe, personally. these threats were rapidly dealt with and with minimal casualties to both Chapter and Imperial forces. Meh. There\'s very frequently heavy casualties on both sides, though I do agree that it does happen that one force crushes another with minimal losses, but not very often. As such the Sky Sentinels found themselves pulled into thousands of conflicts and stretched almost to the breaking point. Again, meh. Replace \"thousands\" by hundreds or take this whole part off, because you say later on that they care little about the petty affairs of humans, so why are they so implicated in the Apostasy Wars? In the grim darkness of the Imperium peace is fleeting, and even as the Chapter began to recover from the slaughter of Vandire’s apostasy, a new threat grew in the galactic west of Segmentum Tempestus. So began the Occlusiad, when rogue Adeptus Mechanicus forces and others aligned themselves with the Blind King. Securing eldritch artifacts from the Dark Ages of Technology, these heretics caused untold havoc throughout the Imperium. Finally hounded by Imperial forces into the Veiled Region, a combined force of Imperial Navy, Adeptus Mechanicus, and several Astartes chapters were dispatched to search out the Blind King’s Palace Ship and destroy it. While the glory of the Blind King’s demise belongs to the Imperial Navy, the Sky Sentinels acquitted themselves admirably during this time, bringing the Emperor’s Light to hundreds of worlds, many of which had been lost to the Imperium since the time of the Heresy. First bold: Where did you get that bit of info? Second and third bold: If they weren\'t the only Astartes Chapters around, how did they liberate so many worlds? It makes them sound too über, IMO. It was during this time that the Chapter came into contact with the Dark Hunters. A new chapter, the Occlusiad was the Dark Hunters first major action, and the warriors of both Chapters saw similarities in the other. On numerous occasions the combined forces of both Chapters stood against the twisted technological abominations created by the Apostles of the Blind King, and in the instance of Losanthum IV actually combined their resources into a single task force to defeat an entity calling itself the Skerox Archetype. Indeed, it was the combined attack of both the Sky Sentinels and Dark Hunters captains that eventually finally slew the Skerox Archetype and removed its heresy from Losanthum IV forever. This victory was the start of an allegiance that exists even today between both Chapters. I like this. Especially since very little is known about the Dark Hunters. Following the events of the Occlusiad the Chapter found themselves, not surprisingly, one of several Chapters favored by the Adeptus Mechanicus to escort the Mechanicus Explorator fleets into the Veiled Region Ok, nice twist, but really? I think the Chapters asked to accompany those should be ones who have shown loyalty to the AdMech and not the ones who have only fought with them on one occasion, even though it\'s quite a big event. Though I do agree it\'s not a bad idea, so I\'m biased. the Sky Sentinels are ever wary of the followers of the Cult of Mechanicus, having seen for themselves what dark roads such pursuits can lead. I doubt that they would know about how a part of the AdMech went rogue (something which would be hidden) and secondly, if they are worried about the AdMech, why do they accompany them? the Dark Hunters, their trusted allies, were being tasked with the destruction of a particularly vicious and destructive traitor marine warband known as The Punishers. These enemies, to the man, had turned from the sacred oaths of the Adeptus Astartes, and it was with pride that the Sky Sentinels petitioned to join the Dark Hunters on this righteous quest. Granted the privilege of destroying these stains upon the honor of all Astartes, the Sky Sentinels split the majority of their resources between their continued pruning of the Ork menace and this new threat. Yes, but no normal Space Marine Chapter turning renegade would need seven other Chapters hunting them down. the Sky Sentinels split the majority of their resources between their continued pruning of the Ork menace and this new threat. Not a good idea, though it may be because I find what they do here a bit stupid... may need a small change (?). A splinter fleet broke from the main tendril, and began to direct itself towards Pranagar. If the Astorpathic Choir is removed, this will have to be changed (yes, it's a Chapter home world, but still, I'm sure there are other Chapters who pose a greater threat to the Tyranids in the area (ie. older Chapters) and for a tendril to target your home world specifically is just a no-no). The Chapter easily dispatched the lesser Tyranid vessels, which proved themselves no match for the Sky Sentinels exceptionally equipped fleet and superior tactics. Buoyed by their success, the Chapter flagship Shield of Terra pushed the advantage, closing with the Hive Ship to strike the decisive blow. No! You said yourself that they were stretched to the limit and that they have hardly any resources left, so what is the Chapter Battle-Barge doing here? It is their Chapter home world, but the ships can't be recalled with a flick of the Chapter Master's fingers. Actually, this whole part is too much like the the beginning of the 1st Tyrannic War with the Ultramarines. Too fan boy-ish. Needs to be changed. For while the loss of life during the battle with Hive Fleet Naga was relatively low, Yet other Chapters, including the illustrious Ultramarines have been decimated by Tyranids. No, this needs to change for it to be more believable. Scrambling through the wreckage of the Shield of Terra as they attempted to abandon the ship, an acolyte of the Reclusiam placed his hand upon an object. Unable to see in the dark what it was he clutched, he could feel the power it emanated. Claiming it guided his salvation, he returned the object to Commander Gavrilov when he arrived back on Pranagar. Swathed in a burnt cloth stained in blood and oil, lay the Chapters’ copy of Guilliman’s great work, the Codex Astartes. The copy dates back to the days of Guilliman himself, and the Chapter has taken this as a portent that the Primarch watches over them. With a fire in their hearts and steel in souls, the Sky Sentinels have turned their gaze to those deserving of their wrath. For the Emperor. For Pranagar. This, I like. A nice little piece of fluff, though the fact that it's a copy from when Guilliman was alive is not very believable. Why would they, amongst x number of other successors have an original copy of the Codex? Great flocks of creatures, often numbering in the millions, gravitate between feeding and hatchery sites around the planet. Certain population migrations, like those of the Ixian bluehawk, have been known to block out the sun for days as they traverse areas. While the majority of these creatures are content to survive harvesting what the seas provide, several notable species are far more dangerous. The Sunder Wyrm, a variant of flying reptile, while harmless alone, hunt in swarms numbering hundreds. Their powerful bite is enough to gash adamantite, and their jaws secrete a necrotic poison, ensuring their prey does not make it far from their attack. Single hunters, but the deadlier for it, the Gallian Kestrel can grow out to a twenty-five meter wingspan. Apex predators occupying the highest peaks, these monstrously sized birds have been known to challenge the Chapter’s Thunderhawks to protect their territory. Nice but unnecessary. This could be taken away. It doesn't really have much place in an IA about a Space Marine Chapter. Claimed for the Emperor by the Ultramarine Legion’s 8th Grand Company, the many cogs in the great machine of the Imperium soon followed. The rule of Imperial law was emplaced, and the credo of the Ecclesiarchy soon snuffed out the pantheon of deities previously worshipped. The Ecclesiarchy did not exist during the Great Crusade as the Emperor hated being considered as a god. Also, it's too much of a coincidence that it was the Ultramarines who discovered the planet. And, you should remove the Company number, I don't think that they would know. Do a bit of research about knowledge in the Imperium and you'll know what I'm talking about. he organization that ensures day-to-day order and control is maintained is the Council of Twelve. Each member of the council is the selected leader of each individual walled city and bears the honorific of Dvor, and an example of this tradition would be Alexei Radikov, Dvor of the 5th Walled City of Irbitz. This group of elder and wizened men serves as the planetary legislature as well, with each petitioning the other Dvor on behalf of their city for favor on the myriad subjects. Obviously, coalitions are formed and treaties signed to allow certain blocks of cities or those cities with common interests to hold the majority on a vote. The other key position on Pranagar is that of the Planetary Governor. Selected by the Council of Twelve from a pool of aspirants from each Walled City, the applicants are usually those individuals most likely to take over as Dvor of their city. This serves the government in two fashions; first it ensures applicants are capable, and second it removes the most likely rival of one of the sitting Council of Twelve. Once an aspirant is selected, the Council of Twelve convenes the Conclave of Ascension. A processional ceremony of great importance, the week-long Conclave visits each Walled City. At each location the city’s Dvor convenes the population and proclaims the aspirants’ public works that make them worthy of the office. Service in the PDF is mandatory for the Planetary Governor position, and so their military record is presented to the population as well. Following the reading, the local Dvor asks for evidence against the aspirant that would prevent him from attaining the office, rarely is any citizen bold enough to present charges. And so the process is repeated at each Walled City until the aspirant reaches the 1st Walled City and Planetary Capitol, Magadan. In Magadan the public readings are held again, but following the approval of the citizen body the aspirant is taken to the Tower of Lensk, an ancient fortress that serves as the Governor’s Palace. Here he is met by three very different, but equally imposing figures. First, he is examined by the Sky Sentinels’ Reclusiarch, for only one of pure and noble spirit will be permitted to lord over their recruiting population. He is then examined by the Chief Librarian of the Chapter, who examines his mind for any signs of deception or taint. Assuming the aspirant passes these examinations, he will then be administered the oaths of his office by the ranking Adept of the Adeptus Administratum, and his ascension to the position of Planetary Governor complete. Cool, but has no place in this IA. Like the part about the birds on the planet. The surrounding ridgeline and peaks glisten with planetary defense missile and laser positions, myriads of sensoria arrays, and the massive generatorium complexes that power the defensive void shields. The Chapter recognizes that many of these defensive measures are not intended for them at all. Directly across the valley from Fell Talon lies the great Pranagari Temple of the Astronomicon. Inside its hallowed works, secure from interruption, sits the Astral Choir of Pranagar, hundreds of specially selected and trained psykers whose sole duty is to collect, amplify, and channel the signal of the Emperor’s own Astronomicon. It is through their efforts that warp travel, for millions of light years around Pranagar and dozens of systems, remains stable. While forbidden from entering the Temple, or even interacting with it, it is the Sky Sentinels sworn duty to defend it to the last, and failing that to ensure neither its inhabitants nor technology fall into enemy hands. I like this too, but I feel that it has no place in this IA. It doesn't add much. Apart from more words. eyond the Chapter’s ceremonial duties in the Conclave of Ascension, the Sky Sentinels have very little interaction with the population of Pranagar. Preferring to remain aloof from the petty politics and mundane activities that fill the population’s lives, the Chapter enjoys the mystique they hold over the Pranagari people. Indeed, no living inhabitant can claim to have ever seen the seen the face of any Sky Sentinel, even on the rare instance they have been honored by the presence of a battle brother. It is under this shroud of mystery that every year those graduates of the Gorods who have chosen to attempt a place in the Adeptus Astartes begin their journey. Yet they "rule" the planet and dictate who the soldiers should fight. May need a re-think. Unlike other Chapters, there are no great games, no feats of strength or survival that mark selection as an aspirant. The Sky Sentinels require only that an aspirant arrive at the transport that will deliver them to Fell Talon Keep before the appointed departure time. What transpires between the gates of their Gorod and the ramp of the transport is between them and the Emperor. Less than half the aspirants make the arrival. Many are consumed by the aviary predators that inhabit Pranagar, many others simply submit to the blistering cold and inhospitable terrain, and still more arrive too late, hindered by their own weakness or the very planet itself. Those that make the transport have taken the first steps of several decades’ worth of training and combat. Many will not make it beyond their years as an aspirant, settling for admittance into the Chapter’s servant ranks or worse should they be found truly wanting. Many more will not make it beyond their years in the scouts, succumbing to their wounds in combat or unable to accept the physiological changes required to become an Astartes. Those that do survive are embraced into the Chapter as battle brothers, and for the first time are permitted to see the faces of those elevated to that status before them, for the Sky Sentinels will only show their faces to their equals. This also marks the occasion where they are awarded the badges of a Sky Sentinel. The first is a branding of the Chapter symbol upon their left breast, a physical reminder to uphold their sacred duty. The second is their wargear; power armor freshly blessed by the Armory with sacred oils and unctuals, and their holy bolter, deliverer of the Emperor’s righteous judgment. This part is one of my favourite in this IA. Simple yet good. Exactly like the rest of the IA should be. Because of this, and in a moderate schism from their forbearers’ dogma, the Sky Sentinels believe in bringing the Codex to all the worlds and warriors that would embrace it. Its lessons have been drilled into the Pranagar PDF, and the Chapter has been known on many occasions to spend what resources it can to educate and train those who would accept the knowledge. Many are the Imperial Guard regiments and Planetary Defense Forces that owe their success and survival to the lessons of the Sky Sentinels. In some cases this training has even transpired between younger Astartes chapters, the Sentinels seeing it as their duty to educate less-established chapters on the true meaning and implementation of the Codex. These well-meant attempts at educating and enlightening fellow Imperial servants have not always been received hospitably, and have caused strained relations with the Sky Sentinels allies on more than one occasion. No, the Astartes should not interfere with the training of the Imperial forces, even if it is better for them. It would be frowned upon by many organisations and people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 The Chapter’s instance on remaining in full armor and helm in the presence of non-Astartes has been particularly distressing to many they would help. Believing that only a fellow Space Marine is worthy of truly knowing them, this particular quirk has frustrated more than a few Imperial Guard commanders and planetary leaders and resulted in less than open dialogue. Cool. I like it. Gives them character. Indeed, this rigid approach to warfare in the Emperor’s name has led many of their detractors to describe the Chapter as cold and arrogant, while their supporters counter that the Sky Sentinels are valiant, supremely rational, and bear a sense of honor and integrity on par with that of their Primarch himself. It is certain the Chapter does its part to bring truth to both parties. A Sky Sentinel will never allow a vow of honor to be broken, even if it brings death to himself and unbearable cost to the Chapter. If it must be done the Sky Sentinels will see it done, the Codex in heart and bolter in hand. The lone exception to this tenet is made for those organizations that disparage the Codex, for the Sky Sentinels believe with equal conviction that only through suffering can the wayward be brought to accept the legacy of Guilliman. I would love to see how they would react if they were fighting against the Alpha Legion :devil: while their supporters counter that the Sky Sentinels are valiant, supremely rational, and bear a sense of honor and integrity on par with that of their Primarch himself. Space Marines should never be compared to any Primarch. Never. and only through the manufactorum of Pranagar are they able to fill these gaps with less capable vehicles like Rhino and Razorback transports. Why do almost all the DIY Chapters have to have some kind of production facility on their planet, bar the Chapter Forge? Why? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, over all, there are some great parts as much as there are some parts which I don't like. But then it's your Chapter and not mine, so it's up to you to see if you want to heed what I have said or not. Of course, please excuse any harshness on my part, I have nothing against you and it is unwilled. I hope I have helped in some way :blush: Ludovic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 There are six thousand words here, Renatus. Thus, I'll be mentioning things I think could be cut without harming the IA on my way through. * * * “All of your duties and sacred oaths set aside, there are truly only three requirements the Chapter demands of you. Venerate the Emperor; for your life is one of His great works. Honor the Primarch; so that in his name and example all aspire. Uphold the Codex; for in its hallowed pages lie salvation for all mankind. Hold close these tenets and be recognized as a warrior of the Imperium. Cast even one aside and you tread a path toward damnation.” – Chaplain Belestarius, 234.M37, Reclusiarch of the Sky Sentinels Loquacious, that Belestarius. I think the quote would be more effective if it just started with "Venerate". Born in the age of turmoil between the Scouring and the Age of Apostasy, the Sky Sentinels have been a stalwart presence in Segmentum Tempestus. Differing from their Black Consul forefathers, and their Ultramarine forefathers before them, the Sky Sentinels eschew the heralding of their successes. Time enough for the reciting of their many battle honors when the might of the Imperium is restored to the days of the Great Crusade and its enemies crushed by bolter and blade. For in the grim darkness of the 41st Millennium there is only war…and war never changes. You can't eschew a heralding. English doesn't work that way. Also, war never changing is all very well, but it has nothing to do with them eschewing glory. Then came the dark days of the Age of Apostasy. While fortunate to operate on the periphery of the violent actions of this time, the Sky Sentinels found themselves greatly influenced by them. The bloody purges, massive conscriptions, and excessive tithes meant that planets that had for centuries looked to their own defense could no longer. As such the Sky Sentinels found themselves pulled into thousands of conflicts and stretched almost to the breaking point. Conflict in the Era of Vandire This era saw many great and bloody conflicts for the Chapter. The eradication of the Festering Blade, a cult dedicated to Chaos god Nurgle, on Decius Prime by elements of the 2nd Company, the near total destruction of the 5th Company on Vikron while successfully breaking the siege of Waaagh Grugspaatz, and the great victory against the arch-traitors of the Word Bearers at Atekle Bay, the only time in its history the Chapter has fought as one, are just a few examples of the myriad conflicts the Sky Sentinels engaged in during this period. In the grim darkness of the Imperium peace is fleeting, and even as the Chapter began to recover from the slaughter of Vandire’s apostasy, a new threat grew in the galactic west of Segmentum Tempestus. So began the Occlusiad, when rogue Adeptus Mechanicus forces and others aligned themselves with the Blind King. Securing eldritch artifacts from the Dark Ages of Technology, these heretics caused untold havoc throughout the Imperium. Finally hounded by Imperial forces into the Veiled Region, a combined force of Imperial Navy, Adeptus Mechanicus, and several Astartes chapters were dispatched to search out the Blind King’s Palace Ship and destroy it. While the glory of the Blind King’s demise belongs to the Imperial Navy, the Sky Sentinels acquitted themselves admirably during this time, bringing the Emperor’s Light to hundreds of worlds, many of which had been lost to the Imperium since the time of the Heresy. All unnecessary (though neat). This is an overview, man, not a complete history. It was during this time that the Chapter came into contact with the Dark Hunters. A new chapter, the Occlusiad was the Dark Hunters first major action, and the warriors of both Chapters saw similarities in the other. On numerous occasions the combined forces of both Chapters stood against the twisted technological abominations created by the Apostles of the Blind King, and in the instance of Losanthum IV actually combined their resources into a single task force to defeat an entity calling itself the Skerox Archetype. Indeed, it was the combined attack of both the Sky Sentinels and Dark Hunters captains that eventually finally slew the Skerox Archetype and removed its heresy from Losanthum IV forever. This victory was the start of an allegiance that exists even today between both Chapters. Following the destruction of the Blind King and the end of the Occlusiad in 560.M37, the Sky Sentinels returned their focus to the Ork menaces of V’Run and Jurn. Several worlds had fallen to the xenos horde during the Occlusiad, and their pacification was highest on the Chapter’s list of priorities. Following the events of the Occlusiad the Chapter found themselves, not surprisingly, one of several Chapters favored by the Adeptus Mechanicus to escort the Mechanicus Explorator fleets into the Veiled Region, and accepted this duty as their forces allowed. While vigilant in their duties, the Sky Sentinels are ever wary of the followers of the Cult of Mechanicus, having seen for themselves what dark roads such pursuits can lead. Could easily be condensed into a line or two in the next paragraph. Always keep the plot moving forward, Renatus. In early M41, word reached the Chapter that the Dark Hunters, their trusted allies, were being tasked with the destruction of a particularly vicious and destructive traitor marine warband known as The Punishers. These enemies, to the man, had turned from the sacred oaths of the Adeptus Astartes, and it was with pride that the Sky Sentinels petitioned to join the Dark Hunters on this righteous quest. Granted the privilege of destroying these stains upon the honor of all Astartes, the Sky Sentinels split the majority of their resources between their continued pruning of the Ork menace and this new threat. This devotion to duty would almost be the Chapters’ undoing, for in late M41 came the Tyranid horde sundering the defenses of the Imperium on a thousand worlds and putting whole segmentum into desperate struggles for their existence. In 997.M41 the great swarm known as Hive Fleet Leviathan broke the boundaries of Segmentum Tempestus. Hundreds of worlds fell to its ravening onslaught, its path seemingly bent upon Holy Terra itself. Only through desperate actions and indescribable sacrifice has its progress been slowed. During the redirection of one of Hive Fleet Leviathans’ tendrils into the Ork Empire of Octarius came the Chapters’ most desperate hour. A splinter fleet broke from the main tendril, and began to direct itself towards Pranagar. The Sky Sentinels, already stretched perilously thin by their honor-bound duties, assembled all available vessels to eradicate this threat, now designated Hive Fleet Naga, before it could make planetfall. The two forces met in a barrage of lance blasts, streaking torpedoes, and plumes of bio-acid. The battle descended into a hellish scene of explosions and wreckage. The Chapter easily dispatched the lesser Tyranid vessels, which proved themselves no match for the Sky Sentinels exceptionally equipped fleet and superior tactics. Buoyed by their success, the Chapter flagship Shield of Terra pushed the advantage, closing with the Hive Ship to strike the decisive blow. This overconfidence was exactly what the Tyranid consciousness had desired, and thick, ropy tendrils fired like lasers from the Hive Ship’s flesh, embedding themselves deep in the battle barge’s decking. Thousands of Tyranid bio-warriors began to pour out of the tendrils, slaughtering the Shield of Terra’s remaining crew where they stood. Recognizing the imminent destruction of his command vessel, then Chapter Master Alexei Novokoff, then-master of the Sky Sentinels, ordered any surviving crew to abandon ship. Diverting all remaining power to the engines, Novokoff set a collision course for the Hive Ship. Relinquishing command to the Captain of the First Company, Anton Gavrilov, and ordering the Chapter fleet to disengage, Novokoff and his command squad battled their way from the bridge, bent on a final act of vengeance. It is unclear exactly what occurred during those desperate moments, but sensoria records seem to indicate that as the prow of the Sky Sentinels’ mighty battle barge pierced the shell of the Hive Ship the sum total of the Shield of Terra’s ordnance was simultaneously detonated from the main ordnance storage bunker on the vessel. Directly preceding this explosion was the last transmission known to come from the Shield of Terra. Believed to be Novokoff, the voice weak and the signal garbled with interference simply states, “For the Emperor and Pranagar.” A Time of Mourning and Revenge Assuming the mantle of Commander of the Sky Sentinels, Anton Gavrilov ascended to the position of Chapter Master, a position he maintains. The loss of their fleet flagship, the Shield of Terra, was a heavy blow for the Chapter. For while the loss of life during the battle with Hive Fleet Naga was relatively low, many of the Chapter’s holiest relics were lost aboard the battle barge. Never again shall the Spear of Taiga flash in battle or the Armor of Aeneas strike fear into the hearts of the enemy. But all is not lost, and one portent in particular shines brightly for the Sky Sentinels. Scrambling through the wreckage of the Shield of Terra as they attempted to abandon the ship, an acolyte of the Reclusiam placed his hand upon an object. Unable to see in the dark what it was he clutched, he could feel the power it emanated. Claiming it guided his salvation, he returned the object to Commander Gavrilov when he arrived back on Pranagar. Swathed in a burnt cloth stained in blood and oil, lay the Chapters’ copy of Guilliman’s great work, the Codex Astartes. The copy dates back to the days of Guilliman himself, and the Chapter has taken this as a portent that the Primarch watches over them. With a fire in their hearts and steel in souls, the Sky Sentinels have turned their gaze to those deserving of their wrath. For the Emperor. For Pranagar. It's neat. But why does it matter? It's a fairly generic battle. It offers little unique insight into the Sky Sentinels. An IA is about presenting the unique aspects of a Chapter, not deluging us in history. Homeworld: Speaking of deluges...dude. This is too much. As I've already said - we don't need the complete history of the Chapter. This is "Who's Who", not "The Life and Times of the Sky Sentinels". That said, the bird sanctuary idea just feels silly. Sorry. The entire section could basically be condensed to: "Pranagar is the sole inhabited planet in the Tellestus System. The planet spends its entire existence in bitterly frigid conditions, and due to its erratic orbit sees less than six hours of sunlight a day. Pranagar's ecosystem is dominated by a variety of avian species, and some of the larger raptors are dangerous even to the chapter's aircraft. From where or when the original inhabitants came is impossible to detail, as no records exist detailing their arrival. Reconquered by the Ultramarines in the Great Crusade, the planet is a civilized world which serves as a model of Guillimanic efficiency. The population dwells in twelve walled cities, ruled over by a Council of Twelve. The Council selects the planetary governor from among the population, and he then presides over the Council. Most planetary governors go on to become members of the Council in their own right." The Chapter's Fortress-Monastery, Fell Talon, is built into a large mountain range on the planet's northernmost continent. Its many halls and antechambers are buried deep below and within the mountains. Where the fortress sanctuary’s entrance breaks the surface sits the formidable works of Fell Talon Keep. Designed as both a secure landing area and protection for the fortress' entrance, the keep is built into the side of the mountain itself, and is only accessible by Thunderhawk or similar shuttle aircraft. The surrounding ridgeline and peaks are studded with missile and laser positions, myriads of sensoria arrays, and massive generatorium complexes that power the defensive void shields. These emplacements do not protect only the Chapter. Directly across the valley from Fell Talon lies the great Pranagari Temple of the Astronomicon. Inside its hallowed works, secure from interruption, sits the Astral Choir of Pranagar, hundreds of specially selected and trained psykers whose sole duty is to collect, amplify, and channel the signal of the Emperor’s own Astronomicon. It is through their efforts that warp travel, for millions of light years around Pranagar and dozens of systems, remains stable. While forbidden from entering the Temple, or even interacting with it, it is the Sky Sentinels sworn duty to defend it to the last, and failing that to ensure neither its inhabitants nor technology fall into enemy hands." All that's gone is detail that our imaginations could provide just as effectively. The Rise of a Warrior This would, IMO, work much better in Organization or Geneseed. Such sections need all the help they can get, and they're a good place to talk about recruitment. This near-fanaticism with adherence to the Codex Astartes has only strengthened since word has reached the Chapter of the Black Consuls destruction at Goddeth Hive. Now, more than ever, they view themselves as the torchbearers of their primogenitors, and are determined to carry the wisdom of the Emperor and Guilliman into every corner of the Imperium. Because of this, and in a moderate schism from their forbearers’ dogma, the Sky Sentinels believe in bringing the Codex to all the worlds and warriors that would embrace it. Its lessons have been drilled into the Pranagar PDF, and the Chapter has been known on many occasions to spend what resources it can to educate and train those who would accept the knowledge. Many are the Imperial Guard regiments and Planetary Defense Forces that owe their success and survival to the lessons of the Sky Sentinels. In some cases this training has even transpired between younger Astartes chapters, the Sentinels seeing it as their duty to educate less-established chapters on the true meaning and implementation of the Codex. These well-meant attempts at educating and enlightening fellow Imperial servants have not always been received hospitably, and have caused strained relations with the Sky Sentinels allies on more than one occasion. The Chapter’s instance on remaining in full armor and helm in the presence of non-Astartes has been particularly distressing to many they would help. Believing that only a fellow Space Marine is worthy of truly knowing them, this particular quirk has frustrated more than a few Imperial Guard commanders and planetary leaders and resulted in less than open dialogue. But are the principles of the Codex applicable to lesser men? Can they make use of the Codex effectively, or does their weakness hold them back? Indeed, this rigid approach to warfare in the Emperor’s name has led many of their detractors to describe the Chapter as cold and arrogant, while their supporters counter that the Sky Sentinels are valiant, supremely rational, and bear a sense of honor and integrity on par with that of their Primarch himself. It is certain the Chapter does its part to bring truth to both parties. A Sky Sentinel will never allow a vow of honor to be broken, even if it brings death to himself and unbearable cost to the Chapter. If it must be done the Sky Sentinels will see it done, the Codex in heart and bolter in hand. The lone exception to this tenet is made for those organizations that disparage the Codex, for the Sky Sentinels believe with equal conviction that only through suffering can the wayward be brought to accept the legacy of Guilliman. Why so serious? To the Chapter’s great relief, there has been little interaction with the agents of the Inquisition during their years of service. The Sky Sentinels have gone out of their way to ensure this by carefully directing the timely remittance of planetary and geneseed tithes, and ensuring the strictest quality with the latter. The Chapter prides itself that in its millennia of service it has never given the Inquisition reason to question its methods or members, and so the Sky Sentinels will strive for it to remain. The lone exception to this would be the Ordo Xenos. Dedicated to the study and eradication ofThe Ordo Xenos the xenos threat, this organization maintains a Chamber Militant known as the Deathwatch. Comprised of Astartes selected from around the Imperium for service and then returned to their parent chapter, should they survive the experience, the Deathwatch are penultimate wrath of xenos. The Sky Sentinels many centuries of combat with the Ork menace and their more recent engagement with the Tyranid threats of Hive Fleet Leviathan and Naga have made them a favored resource for induction into the Deathwatch. The Sky Sentinels selected thus far have executed their duties with acknowledge skill and devotion, though the repetitive deviation from Codex mandates and the exposure to aberrant chapters can be spiritually difficult for those selected. Indeed, those brothers who tread too far down this divergent path are encouraged to volunteer for permanent secondment to the Deathwatch, lest the Chapter be forced to volunteer them itself. While a strain on the Chapters’ already stretched resources, the knowledge these warriors return with following their tours of duty with the Deathwatch is truly invaluable, and has turned more than a few battles from defeat to victory. This whole thing could be reduced to: "The Sky Sentinels' many centuries of combat with the Ork menace and their more recent engagement with the Tyranid threats of Hive Fleet Leviathan and Naga have made them a favored resource for induction into the Deathwatch. The Sky Sentinels selected thus far have executed their duties with acknowledge skill and devotion, though the repetitive deviation from Codex mandates and the exposure to aberrant chapters can be spiritually difficult for those selected. Indeed, those brothers who tread too far down this divergent path are encouraged to volunteer for permanent secondment to the Deathwatch, lest the Chapter be forced to volunteer them itself." That's the interesting and unique bit. The other stuff is less important. Apart from the Inquisition, the Sky Sentinels maintain the time held and ceremonial connections with the Adeptus Mechanicus and the Ecclesiarchy, but, beyond the training received from each, pay their credos little heed. Those battle brothers who take up the mantle of Chaplain or Techmarine are unequivocally clear in their true allegiance to Emperor, Primarch, and Codex. While this resistance to embracing the Emperor as a deity or technological abomination is common amongst Astartes chapters, the Sky Sentinels are pronouncedly more outspoken about their differing opinion. And while the Ecclesiarchy seems appeased through their access to the Pranagari people, the Chapter’s relationship with the Adeptus Mechanicus has been strained since the dark days and fell deeds of the Occlusiad. It is only through the manufactorum of Pranagar that the Chapter is able to supplement the trickle of resupply it receives from the Adeptus Mechanicus. Some in the Chapter believe that this long-standing lack of trust is what has prevented the Sky Sentinels from fielding a replacement for their lost flagship The Shield of Terra. Still others suspect that the Chapter’s continued escort of Adeptus Mechanicus Explorator fleets is a tactic on the part of Commander Gavrilov to repair this schism and improve the Sky Sentinels’ materiel shortages. While this isn't uninteresting, it doesn't really add that much either, IMO. They don't entirely get along with the Ecclesiarchy and the Mechanicus - them and nine hundred and ninety-nine other Chapters. Unique, Renatus. Unique and important. Also, if they disagree so greatly with what the Mechanicus stands for, surely sucking up to the Mechanicus is out-of-keeping with their principles... Intended to serve as a rapid-striking assault chapter, the Sky Sentinels were provided the finest training and equipment available during their founding to assist them in their endeavors. Holding tightly to the traditions of their forbearers, the Sky Sentinels take great pride in conducting their martial endeavors under the ample umbrella of the Codex Astartes.The Chapter’s many centuries of service have seen little change to both their style of warfare and their equipment. They proudly maintain one of the finest fleets of rapid strike vessels and strike cruisers in the Segmentum, but are sorely pressed should heavier firepower be required due to the loss of their sole battle barge to the Tyranids. This is only exacerbated by their tenuous relationship with the Adeptus Mechanicus, who have, through inability or malicious intent, refused to provide a replacement. This schism between the Mechanicus and Sky Sentinels extends to their heavier land combat equipment as well. The Chapter is still woefully under-equipped with armored resources such as Land Raider and Predator tank variants, and only through the manufactorum of Pranagar are they able to fill these gaps with less capable vehicles like Rhino and Razorback transports. This paragraph is certainly unnecessary when it follows the previous one. This feels like a little like it should be Organization as well. I've always seen Combat Doctrine as their philosophies (toward combat) and their tactics, while Organization was their logistics, strategy, and the expression of those philosophies. What they lack in armored might the Sky Sentinels more than compensate for with the ingenuity, speed, and flexibility of their battle brothers. The Chapters’ battle plans are noted for their daring and coldly methodical approach to warfare. Harnessing the true power of the Codex Astartes, the Chapter pursues any and all advantages in their quest to eliminate the enemies of Mankind. A typical Strike Force will involve no more than one or two squads of a company, an unfortunate constraint due to the size and constant turmoil of the Perun Sector. Commanded by Veteran Sergeant, a Strike Force will also typically include a Techmarine and an Apothecary for support. While all of these forces belong to a single Battle Company, it is common to see attachments from the Veteran, Reserve, and Scout Companies. Bleh. Just say they have smaller-than-usual strike forces due to their diverse commitments. This paragraph has a sentence's worth of information. The command and control of these Strike Forces, which can number in the dozens at times, requires both an incredible unity of the command structure and explicit trust and understanding between the Chapter Master and his subordinates. To ensure this, the Chapter relies heavily on the advanced communications sensoria installed on their fleet vessels. Constantly shifting forces, like so many pieces on a game board, has allowed the Sky Sentinels to consistently outmaneuver their opponents. Despite their advanced nature, the Chapters’ vessels, and their systems, are beginning to show their age. If the schism between the Adeptus Mechanicus is not repaired and their expertise garnered for much needed overhauls, the Sky Sentinels will lose their ability to communicate over such distances, the ability to control the Perun Sector will diminish, and hundreds of worlds could suffer. And so what have they done about finding alternate sources? Despite these ominous possibilities, the Chapter maintains its edge. Favoring the tactic of Titus Aeneas, their founder, the Sky Sentinels wage a style of war designated as “Severing the Serpent’s Head.” Originally designed for Ork infestations, the Chapter has developed it into applicability against almostStalker Pattern Bolter any enemy. Using small groups of rapid striking Battle Brothers, the Sentinels eliminate the enemy leadership, leaving the bulk of the forces to flounder, either fleeing or falling to in-fighting. Usually inserted close to the enemies’ headquarters or base camp, normally by Thunderhawk or Stormbird gunship for their ability to provide close air support, the Strike Force will eliminate the enemy leadership as swiftly as possible. Favoring Stalker-pattern bolters for the precious seconds of surprise they maintain, it is also not uncommon to see a Sky Sentinels’ Battle Brother equipped with a sniper rifle if the mission dictates. When forces allow, the Chapter will use coordinated drop pod assaults to systemically eliminate an opponent’s leadership in one fell hammer-strike, rapidly exfiltrating them by transport to prevent the Chapter’s forces from being overrun. That doesn't sound like standard Codex practice at all... The Chapters extensive operations against the Xenos threat have provided them with the opportunity to hone their skills to a superlative edge. This has only been further enhanced by the Sky Sentinels continued tradition of service in the Deathwatch. Incorporating the training and experiences of each seconded Battle Brother upon their return to the Chapter, the Sky Sentinels’ training regime, combined with the tenets of the Codex, has become a model for anti-xenos warfare. The Chapter’s Armory has also benefitted from this interaction, as those seconded to the Deathwatch are permitted to return to the Chapter with the wargear awarded them. As such and after many millennia of service to the Ordo Xenos, it is not uncommon for Battle Brothers who have been recognized for their exceptional marksmanship skills to take advantage of the advanced targeting optics and specialized munitions which have been brought back to the Chapter by those who have served before them. Unnecessary, IMO. Just a way to make your chapter seem cooler. Organization: -To be published I've given you some suggestions for stuff that might work in here. The Sky Sentinels’ geneseed is descended from the lineage of Roboute Guilliman via their primogenitor chapter, the Black Consuls. As such, its inherent purity is beyond contestation. The Chapter has the same view concerning their genetic heritage as they do the Codex Astartes, it is the very essence of the Primarch, himself the very essence of the Emperor. Where the Codex is the inherited sum of the Emperor’s mind, the Sky Sentinels’ believe each progenoid contains something of the Emperor’s very soul. His presence inside of each Battle Brother giving them the strength to stand when they should fall, keeping them resolute in the face of temptation, and calm in the presence of their foes. Excellent! No, seriously. The Sentinels ensure this honorable history is maintained by placing the strictest controls and standards upon their geneseed stores. Only the brothers of the Apothecarion are permitted into the gene vaults, and they alone make the ultimate determination on what progenoids are salvaged and which are not. In a similar fashion the Sky Sentinels’ Apothecaries have absolute authority over the implantation of the Chapter’s legacy into any new recruit. Many young aspirants have seen their careers ended before they began due to an aberrant reading on the Apothecary’s instruments. Those who can be salvaged are permitted to enter one of the Chapter serf houses, serving the Sky Sentinels in deed if not in battle. For those that cannot be salvaged comes the Emperor’s Peace, and an eternity of mindless toil as a servitor, all essence of their former self erased forever. Eh. That's pretty much standard for any chapter. I'd recommend replacing this with the aforementioned bit about recruitment. Relying on speed, precision and stealth to execute their attacks, the Sky Sentinels rarely engage in unnecessary communication during combat operations. Before battle, however, it is common for Chaplains, or other leadership, to conclude the Rites of Holy Combat with the saying “Ex Caelum, Mortis.” While always evoked in High Gothic, the Low Gothic translation would be “From the Sky, Death.” The chapter motto, it could be, why not? A more recent tradition, begun by individual squad sergeants, is to repeat the final words of the late Commander Novokoff prior to disembarking their transport. “For the Emperor and Pranagar. Bah. Not that interesting. No deathiness, killiness, or mightiness. Stick with mortising. * * * This is simultaneously really good and not that good. You write well, the ideas are decently presented, and I do have a fairly clear picture of the chapter. On the other hand, you write a lot, much of it redundant or unnecessary, the ideas could be presented more clearly and directly (for example, the nature of the chapter isn't talked about for several thousand words. Big mistake), and my clear picture of the chapter should be even clearer. This is a very good IA with a bunch of stuff attached to it. Fortunately, the solution to that isn't exactly complicated. :D I would note that the Origins section is the real problem - the other ones are too big, but it's too big and not really introducing us to the chapter. I think you see why that's a concern. Still. This will be very good. I know these things. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heru Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 For in the grim darkness of the 41st Millennium there is only war…and war never changes. Fallout 3/NV. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Fallout 3/NV. msn-wink.gif ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Renatus Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 "It doesn't hurt so much here...or here. But right about...here..." I hear and obey, Oh Mighty Masters of the Liber. I'll get a crackin' both on refining my redactive impulse and adding the Organiztion section. For the record...I knew it was way too long. Even as I was writing it, frequently referring to the DIY and Octa- Guides, I whispered to the gds..."I bet Octavulg is gonna rip me a new ;) for this," lol. And I am a little sad no one appreciated my Fallout homage...I thought it fit WH40K quite well, thank you very much ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I hear and obey, Oh Mighty Masters of the Liber. I'll get a crackin' both on refining my redactive impulse and adding the Organiztion section. Good man. For the record...I knew it was way too long. Even as I was writing it, frequently referring to the DIY and Octa- Guides, I whispered to the gds..."I bet Octavulg is gonna rip me a new censored.gif for this," lol. And lo, I did! Isn't it nice when things work out like we expected? ;) And I am a little sad no one appreciated my Fallout homage...I thought it fit WH40K quite well, thank you very much happy.gif It's a good homage. But it's not that subtle and it didn't fit where it was. I'm sure you'll find somewhere to sneak it in. It'd be a good quote about the Codex, for example. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinzaren Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 For in the grim darkness of the 41st Millennium there is only war…and war never changes. Yeah, we know. The saying is everywhere. Also, I think I've heard this somewhere.For some reason I am imaging Ron Pearlman saying it... Recognizing the expansive nature of this mission, the Chapter was equipped and trained, initially, as a highly specialized rapid strike force. As are all Space Marines. They are all highly specialized rapid strike forces. It's pretty much their job description. They were equipped with the latest models of rapid response vessels and strike cruisers each with highly advanced communication equipment, and the massive battle barge Shield of Terra, and for land combat they maintained an impressive fleet of Thunderhawk and Stormbird gunships and transports, in addition to an expansive compliment of rhino and razorback transports. The reverse side of this boon was that the chapter was, unfortunately, denied much of the heavier equipment seen amongst the Astartes; less than half the usual number of Land Raider and Predator tanks, less than a quarter of their expected Vindicators, and not one Whirlwind artillery system. This paragraph doesn't make sense. First, you are describing every Space Marine Chapter, as they all have everything you have. Secondly, why are they denied heavy support? The AM hands over their best ships and barges, but says no to a couple tanks? That makes no sense... Ordered to begin operations immediately after being declared fit, the Sky Sentinels found themselves posted to the Perun Sector of Segmentum Tempestus, where they were assigned the homeworld of Pranagar. Again, all marines begin as soon as they are able. And I'm unsure if planets are assigned, or if the marines chose their own. The exception would obviously be Chapters created to defend super important worlds. This, in and of itself, is unique, as tradition dictates that a Chapter secure its own homeworld through conquest and approval of the High Lords of Terra. The reason for this posting became evident upon their arrival. Beyond its strategic location in relation to the Ork empires of V’Run and Jurn, Pranagar was home to one of the Astropathic Choirs of the Adeptus Astronomicon. Used to boost the signal of the Emperor’s Astronomicon on Holy Terra into the vastness of the Imperium, the Choirs are some of the most critical and vital resources known to the mankind, for without them the signal of the Astronomicon would fade in the reaches of the Imperium and warp travel would become unpredictable, if not impossible. I believe the Astropathic Choirs have their own guards, who come from the ranks of the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquistion. Ie: Sisters of Battle, Sisters of Silence, Imp Guard, Stormtroopers, etc etc. Wasting no time, the Sky Sentinels quickly established themselves upon Pranagar, and utilizing the vast resources given them, the Chapter began to blaze a path of inevitable conquest. Seemingly everywhere, wherever battle called the Sky Sentinels answered. They offered their quarry no refuge, and countered their attacks at every turn in actions ranging in size from squads to multiple companies. Obliterating heretic, traitor, and xenos alike, the Chapter secured the Perun Sector in under a decade. Turning their attention to the Ork menace, the Chapter embarked upon a program of systematic annihilation of the Ork leadership. Aided by the foresight of the Chapter Librarium and using precision assaults upon the command nodes for various tribes and potential Waagh’s, the Sky Sentinels kept the Orks off-balance and without leadership for centuries. Man, they sure sound awesome. Like, really awesome. While the glory of the Blind King’s demise belongs to the Imperial Navy, the Sky Sentinels acquitted themselves admirably during this time, bringing the Emperor’s Light to hundreds of worlds, many of which had been lost to the Imperium since the time of the Heresy. You're involving yourself quite heavily in events that are fairly important in Imperial history. Not necessarily bad, but noteworthy. Also, you are using a ton of space to describe events that people can already find in the source-books. Which isn't awful, but the IA is pretty long as is. It was during this time that the Chapter came into contact with the Dark Hunters. Long IA. Adding another Chapter that are allied with and taking up a lot of time writing about them isn't wholly productive. A new chapter, the Occlusiad was the Dark Hunters first major action, and the warriors of both Chapters saw similarities in the other. On numerous occasions the combined forces of both Chapters stood against the twisted technological abominations created by the Apostles of the Blind King, and in the instance of Losanthum IV actually combined their resources into a single task force to defeat an entity calling itself the Skerox Archetype. Indeed, it was the combined attack of both the Sky Sentinels and Dark Hunters captains that eventually finally slew the Skerox Archetype and removed its heresy from Losanthum IV forever. This victory was the start of an allegiance that exists even today between both Chapters. Following the destruction of the Blind King and the end of the Occlusiad in 560.M37, the Sky Sentinels returned their focus to the Ork menaces of V’Run and Jurn. Several worlds had fallen to the xenos horde during the Occlusiad, and their pacification was highest on the Chapter’s list of priorities. Lots of battles. Space Marines fight a lot, so battles are the least interesting thing about an IA. Following the events of the Occlusiad the Chapter found themselves, not surprisingly, one of several Chapters favored by the Adeptus Mechanicus to escort the Mechanicus Explorator fleets into the Veiled Region, and accepted this duty as their forces allowed. While vigilant in their duties, the Sky Sentinels are ever wary of the followers of the Cult of Mechanicus, having seen for themselves what dark roads such pursuits can lead. Wow, these marines are quite awesome. Everyone loves them. These enemies, to the man, had turned from the sacred oaths of the Adeptus Astartes, and it was with pride that the Sky Sentinels petitioned to join the Dark Hunters on this righteous quest. Aren't they super busy fighting Orks and Traitors, along with whatever else they have going on? Now they are one of the seven Chapters charged with hunting the Renegade Punishers? Again, involving yourself quite heavily in GW events. In 997.M41 the great swarm known as Hive Fleet Leviathan broke the boundaries of Segmentum Tempestus. Hundreds of worlds fell to its ravening onslaught, its path seemingly bent upon Holy Terra itself. Only through desperate actions and indescribable sacrifice has its progress been slowed Orks, Chaos, The Punishers, and now Leviathan? You guys are BUSY. Might wanna ease back on how many tasks you take on. During the redirection of one of Hive Fleet Leviathans’ tendrils into the Ork Empire of Octarius came the Chapters’ most desperate hour. A splinter fleet broke from the main tendril, and began to direct itself towards Pranagar. The Sky Sentinels, already stretched perilously thin by their honor-bound duties, assembled all available vessels to eradicate this threat, now designated Hive Fleet Naga, before it could make planetfall. Skepticism about the Nids aside, that is an awesome name. Your homeworld is doomed, but still an awesome name. There is no way for a ragtag group of Space Marines, lacking their ENTIRE force, to defeat a Hive Fleet. It would destroy world and move on, fattened with the consumption of a new world. The two forces met in a barrage of lance blasts, streaking torpedoes, and plumes of bio-acid. The battle descended into a hellish scene of explosions and wreckage. The Chapter easily dispatched the lesser Tyranid vessels, which proved themselves no match for the Sky Sentinels exceptionally equipped fleet and superior tactics. Buoyed by their success, the Chapter flagship Shield of Terra pushed the advantage, closing with the Hive Ship to strike the decisive blow. This overconfidence was exactly what the Tyranid consciousness had desired, and thick, ropy tendrils fired like lasers from the Hive Ship’s flesh, embedding themselves deep in the battle barge’s decking. Thousands of Tyranid bio-warriors began to pour out of the tendrils, slaughtering the Shield of Terra’s remaining crew where they stood. Recognizing the imminent destruction of his command vessel, then Chapter Master Alexei Novokoff, then-master of the Sky Sentinels, ordered any surviving crew to abandon ship. Diverting all remaining power to the engines, Novokoff set a collision course for the Hive Ship. Relinquishing command to the Captain of the First Company, Anton Gavrilov, and ordering the Chapter fleet to disengage, Novokoff and his command squad battled their way from the bridge, bent on a final act of vengeance. It is unclear exactly what occurred during those desperate moments, but sensoria records seem to indicate that as the prow of the Sky Sentinels’ mighty battle barge pierced the shell of the Hive Ship the sum total of the Shield of Terra’s ordnance was simultaneously detonated from the main ordnance storage bunker on the vessel. Directly preceding this explosion was the last transmission known to come from the Shield of Terra. Believed to be Novokoff, the voice weak and the signal garbled with interference simply states, “For the Emperor and Pranagar.” Boring battle. Awesome ending. I am getting a theme here. We are the Sons of Pranagar. We be awesome. Assuming the mantle of Commander of the Sky Sentinels, Anton Gavrilov ascended to the position of Chapter Master, a position he maintains. The loss of their fleet flagship, the Shield of Terra, was a heavy blow for the Chapter. For while the loss of life during the battle with Hive Fleet Naga was relatively low, many of the Chapter’s holiest relics were lost aboard the battle barge. Never again shall the Spear of Taiga flash in battle or the Armor of Aeneas strike fear into the hearts of the enemy. But all is not lost, and one portent in particular shines brightly for the Sky Sentinels. Scrambling through the wreckage of the Shield of Terra as they attempted to abandon the ship, an acolyte of the Reclusiam placed his hand upon an object. Unable to see in the dark what it was he clutched, he could feel the power it emanated. Claiming it guided his salvation, he returned the object to Commander Gavrilov when he arrived back on Pranagar. Swathed in a burnt cloth stained in blood and oil, lay the Chapters’ copy of Guilliman’s great work, the Codex Astartes. The copy dates back to the days of Guilliman himself, and the Chapter has taken this as a portent that the Primarch watches over them. With a fire in their hearts and steel in souls, the Sky Sentinels have turned their gaze to those deserving of their wrath. For the Emperor. For Pranagar. Boring. But awesome. The origins section is crazy long, and a lot of it is uninteresting. No offense intended, but it hardly matters to the reader. Aside from the Tyranid invasion, none of the events you have listed seems to have the shaped the chapter to any large degree. If I can sum them up: 1. Founding. They killed some dudes. 2. Killed some dudes, lots of Orks. 3. Met some Bros, and killed some more dudes. 4. Helped our Good Bros kill some Bad Bros. 5. Fought the Tyranids. Defeated a Hive Fleet with minimum loss of life and saved our world. I know it seems like I am being mean, but your origins details a LOT of fighting, which all Space Marines do, and doesn't really set up anything to show WHO the Sky Sentinels are. The origins section -in my opinion- should set up WHO the Chapter is, and why they are the way they are, instead of being Ultramarines 2.0. Pranagar is the sole inhabited planet in the Tellestus System. The fourth and furthest planet orbiting the red dwarf star Epsilon Chi 756, the planet spends its entire existence in bitterly frigid conditions, and due to its erratic orbit sees less than six hours of sunlight a day. Geologically stable, over 80% of the planet is covered in water. This is contradictory. If it is that cold, sees that little sunlight, and is that far from its star, it won't be a water world, it will be an ice world. No liquid, only vast sheets of miles deep ice. The planets’ land mass is divided into four major continents, each following a consistent structure; flat tundra and wetlands near the ocean shore, shifting into rolling foothills further inland, finally leading to vast, soaring mountain ranges occupying the heart of each continent. In most cases the mountains themselves are nearly impossible to traverse, commonly reaching heights of over ten thousand kilometers. This is highly unlikely. We'll use Earth as an example to show why. 0km- Earth. The Sea Level. 500-100km- Exosphere. The point at which the Atmosphere merges with Space. This where Satellites are stationed. Your 10,000km Mountains are extending 9 to 9.5 thousand kilometers into space. Not a viable geological feature. Great flocks of creatures, often numbering in the millions, gravitate between feeding and hatchery sites around the planet. Certain population migrations, like those of the Ixian bluehawk, have been known to block out the sun for days as they traverse areas. While the majority of these creatures are content to survive harvesting what the seas provide, several notable species are far more dangerous. The Sunder Wyrm, a variant of flying reptile, while harmless alone, hunt in swarms numbering hundreds. Their powerful bite is enough to gash adamantite, and their jaws secrete a necrotic poison, ensuring their prey does not make it far from their attack. Single hunters, but the deadlier for it, the Gallian Kestrel can grow out to a twenty-five meter wingspan. Apex predators occupying the highest peaks, these monstrously sized birds have been known to challenge the Chapter’s Thunderhawks to protect their territory. That's a lot of birds. Relevance to the Chapter? The wildlife is important only if it has an effect on the Marines. The Space Wolves fight the wolves of Fenris, taking their coats, or taming them. Lots of detail on the fauna, with no relevance to the Chapter, or its recruiting population, doesn't help the IA. The population of Pranagar continued its feral existence until the days of the Great Crusade when fortune would smile upon the planet. Claimed for the Emperor by the Ultramarine Legion’s 8th Grand Company, the many cogs in the great machine of the Imperium soon followed. The rule of Imperial law was emplaced, and the credo of the Ecclesiarchy soon snuffed out the pantheon of deities previously worshipped. Imperial rule had a profound effect upon the planet, and, while clashes between reticent populations and the Imperial Guard garrison were frequent, the planet flourished. Within several generations Pranagar had been reclassified as a civilized world, with fully functioning governance structures, modern manufactorum facilities, and established trade pacts with other sectors. I thought this was a super cold death world? How does it respond so well to Imperial structure and law? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinzaren Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 While it is unclear how much time the Ultramarines spent on planet as part of the conquest or the frequency of their returns, the Legions’ impact upon the population was pronounced. Dedication to duty, integrity, and martial prowess are core Pranagari values, and are the underpinning of all that they do. And these values are the sole domain of the Ultramarines? The planet was unable to evolve into these ideals? Those who, through failure or other dishonor, do not complete the Gorod or refuse to serve in the PDF are denied citizenship in the walled cities, and are banished from that world forever, forced to eke out an existence in the unforgiving hinterlands and mountains. Harsh. So they are basically conscripting the entire population as recruits? Not bad mind you, I actually think it is kind of cool, but still. And why would anyone choose to be a Guardsmen when they could be a Space Marine? Seems like they should all be applying to become Sky Sentinels, and those deemed unworthy or unable to accept the gene-seed should join the Guard. Long Bit about the Planetary Governor Things like this can be cut to streamline an already long IA. Long Bit about the Fortress Monastery and the Choir Perhaps shorten it a bit, detailing only the importance of the Choir and the Sky Sentinels as its defender? Those that make the transport have taken the first steps of several decades’ worth of training and combat. Many will not make it beyond their years as an aspirant, settling for admittance into the Chapter’s servant ranks or worse should they be found truly wanting. Many more will not make it beyond their years in the scouts, succumbing to their wounds in combat or unable to accept the physiological changes required to become an Astartes. Those that do survive are embraced into the Chapter as battle brothers, and for the first time are permitted to see the faces of those elevated to that status before them, for the Sky Sentinels will only show their faces to their equals. This also marks the occasion where they are awarded the badges of a Sky Sentinel. The first is a branding of the Chapter symbol upon their left breast, a physical reminder to uphold their sacred duty. The second is their wargear; power armor freshly blessed by the Armory with sacred oils and unctuals, and their holy bolter, deliverer of the Emperor’s righteous judgment. Aside from the idea of showing their faces only to equals, which is really cool, the rest of this is the same for every other Chapter. Lots fail, only a few succeed and become the elite. In some cases this training has even transpired between younger Astartes chapters, the Sentinels seeing it as their duty to educate less-established chapters on the true meaning and implementation of the Codex. These well-meant attempts at educating and enlightening fellow Imperial servants have not always been received hospitably, and have caused strained relations with the Sky Sentinels allies on more than one occasion. The Chapter’s instance on remaining in full armor and helm in the presence of non-Astartes has been particularly distressing to many they would help. Believing that only a fellow Space Marine is worthy of truly knowing them, this particular quirk has frustrated more than a few Imperial Guard commanders and planetary leaders and resulted in less than open dialogue. Most Chapters, even young ones, would tell you shove off. Each holds its own traditions and structures to be of highest import. You coming in and shoving the Codex in your face is not a very good move. Also, the Codex is the treatise on how Space Marines are organized and lead to war. Its knowledge would probably not be all that helpful to regular Guardsmen, who lack both the physicality and the equipment of Astartes. Indeed, this rigid approach to warfare in the Emperor’s name has led many of their detractors to describe the Chapter as cold and arrogant, while their supporters counter that the Sky Sentinels are valiant, supremely rational, and bear a sense of honor and integrity on par with that of their Primarch himself. *whistle* On par with Gulliman? That's pretty awesome. It is certain the Chapter does its part to bring truth to both parties. A Sky Sentinel will never allow a vow of honor to be broken, even if it brings death to himself and unbearable cost to the Chapter. If it must be done the Sky Sentinels will see it done, the Codex in heart and bolter in hand. The lone exception to this tenet is made for those organizations that disparage the Codex, for the Sky Sentinels believe with equal conviction that only through suffering can the wayward be brought to accept the legacy of Guilliman Wait. They shove the Codex on everyone they meet, but instead of showing the tactical value to its detractors, they leave em out to dry if they need assistance? Doesn't seem very Gulliman of them. I would think they would take extra time to rescue and aid the ones who ignore the Codex, to show how important and useful it can be. Nothing says you're way is better than to use it to save someone who disagrees. The lone exception to this would be the Ordo Xenos. Dedicated to the study and eradication of the xenos threat, this organization maintains a Chamber Militant known as the Deathwatch. Comprised of Astartes selected from around the Imperium for service and then returned to their parent chapter, should they survive the experience, the Deathwatch are penultimate wrath of xenos. The Sky Sentinels many centuries of combat with the Ork menace and their more recent engagement with the Tyranid threats of Hive Fleet Leviathan and Naga have made them a favored resource for induction into the Deathwatch. The Sky Sentinels selected thus far have executed their duties with acknowledge skill and devotion, though the repetitive deviation from Codex mandates and the exposure to aberrant chapters can be spiritually difficult for those selected. Indeed, those brothers who tread too far down this divergent path are encouraged to volunteer for permanent secondment to the Deathwatch, lest the Chapter be forced to volunteer them itself. While a strain on the Chapters’ already stretched resources, the knowledge these warriors return with following their tours of duty with the Deathwatch is truly invaluable, and has turned more than a few battles from defeat to victory. No one volunteers for the Deathwatch. They pick you, not the other way around. And again, higher than average rate of induction to the Deathwatch, very awesome. Apart from the Inquisition, the Sky Sentinels maintain the time held and ceremonial connections with the Adeptus Mechanicus and the Ecclesiarchy, but, beyond the training received from each, pay their credos little heed. Those battle brothers who take up the mantle of Chaplain or Techmarine are unequivocally clear in their true allegiance to Emperor, Primarch, and Codex. Chaplains don't train with the Ecclesiarchy. They get a Rosarius from them, and that is it. Each Chaplain is the ultimate representative of the Chapter's individual beliefs, and they would be the first to tell the Ecclesiarchy to shove it. the Chapter’s relationship with the Adeptus Mechanicus has been strained since the dark days and fell deeds of the Occlusiad. Wait, I thought they were on good terms with the AM? They guard their fleets and all, so I just assumed they loved you... Intended to serve as a rapid-striking assault chapter, the Sky Sentinels were provided the finest training and equipment available during their founding to assist them in their endeavors. As all Marines do. This is not unique to them. The Chapter is still woefully under-equipped with armored resources such as Land Raider and Predator tank variants, and only through the manufactorum of Pranagar are they able to fill these gaps with less capable vehicles like Rhino and Razorback transports. Be careful calling the Rhino less capable. It may be capable of different things, but its many uses to the Astartes is without doubt. What they lack in armored might the Sky Sentinels more than compensate for with the ingenuity, speed, and flexibility of their battle brothers. The Chapters’ battle plans are noted for their daring and coldly methodical approach to warfare. Daring and Methodical are completely different words, with completely different meanings. You can't be methodically daring. Harnessing the true power of the Codex Astartes No offense, but this sounds like a line from a Manga or Comic Books. "Harnessing the true power of the Codex Astartes, Sky Sentinelus was able to unleash his true form, granting him untold strength and speed, as well as allowing him to teleport across the battlefield and shoot lasers from his eyes." The command and control of these Strike Forces, which can number in the dozens at times, requires both an incredible unity of the command structure and explicit trust and understanding between the Chapter Master and his subordinates. To ensure this, the Chapter relies heavily on the advanced communications sensoria installed on their fleet vessels. Constantly shifting forces, like so many pieces on a game board, has allowed the Sky Sentinels to consistently outmaneuver their opponents. Despite their advanced nature, the Chapters’ vessels, and their systems, are beginning to show their age. How and why are your vessels so much better then everyone else's? Again, very awesome. Using small groups of rapid striking Battle Brothers, the Sentinels eliminate the enemy leadership, leaving the bulk of the forces to flounder, either fleeing or falling to in-fighting. Usually inserted close to the enemies’ headquarters or base camp, normally by Thunderhawk or Stormbird gunship for their ability to provide close air support, the Strike Force will eliminate the enemy leadership as swiftly as possible This is not unique. Nearly every Chapter follows the same doctrine, swiftly destroying the command and control operations of their enemies. The Chapters extensive operations against the Xenos threat have provided them with the opportunity to hone their skills to a superlative edge. This has only been further enhanced by the Sky Sentinels continued tradition of service in the Deathwatch. Incorporating the training and experiences of each seconded Battle Brother upon their return to the Chapter, the Sky Sentinels’ training regime, combined with the tenets of the Codex, has become a model for anti-xenos warfare. We. Are. Awesome. The Chapter’s Armory has also benefitted from this interaction, as those seconded to the Deathwatch are permitted to return to the Chapter with the wargear awarded them. No they don't. That wargear is the property of the Ordo Xenos, and is not something they are giving away at the end of a shift. The Chapter’s style of warfare has proven less successful, however, when combating the Tyranid menace. The sheer volume of enemy bio-organisms around the synapse creatures the Sky Sentinels would target greatly reduces the likelihood of a traditional Strike Force’s success. This has forced the Chapter to commit larger forces, normally a full Battle Company with attached support, and greater numbers of their precious armored resources. The Sky Sentinels leadership is becoming increasingly concerned that a point will come where the Chapter simply cannot maintain the number of operations required inside the Perun Sector. If there are Tyranids, there is a Hive Fleet soon to follow. They don't appear in small numbers, or in random engagements. The Sentinels ensure this honorable history is maintained by placing the strictest controls and standards upon their geneseed stores. Only the brothers of the Apothecarion are permitted into the gene vaults, and they alone make the ultimate determination on what progenoids are salvaged and which are not. In a similar fashion the Sky Sentinels’ Apothecaries have absolute authority over the implantation of the Chapter’s legacy into any new recruit. Many young aspirants have seen their careers ended before they began due to an aberrant reading on the Apothecary’s instruments. Those who can be salvaged are permitted to enter one of the Chapter serf houses, serving the Sky Sentinels in deed if not in battle. For those that cannot be salvaged comes the Emperor’s Peace, and an eternity of mindless toil as a servitor, all essence of their former self erased forever. None of this is that unique, as (nearly)all Chapter follow a similar doctrine. **************************************************************************************************** *whew* That was a long one. Not a bad one mind you, just long. It took a long time to read, and even longer to assess. I like a lot of the things, and you have done a good job of making the Chapter Codex, and unique, which is hard. I think there are a ton of good ideas here, they just get lost in everything else. You're repeating things every chapter does and trying to make them unique, and you are really representing your Chapter in the shiniest of lights. If I had to sum this IA up in one word it would be M.I.S.S. (Me? I'm So Super) It makes it hard for me to root for them, because I feel like I reading the Codex: Ultramarines all over again. I would tone down how great they are, and emphasize their character. Their only negatives throughout this whole IA seem to be that they sometimes find it hard to fight Tyranids, and they have a feud with the AM that is never explained or justified. I know I come off as negative, but I think there are a lot of good ideas. TL;DR: Slim it down a bit, remove the parts that are the same as everyone else, and give them a character. Being awesome just makes them...boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Shinzaren's comments about excessive awesomeness definitely have something to them, just to throw a bit more weight on your shoulders. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Renatus Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Much chopped version. Mitigation of excessive awesomeness initiated. 10,000 Km mountains removed (meant to be meters, doh!) Thank you all for your critiques. I have spent the better part of 4 hours trying to incorporate them. If you don't see it in there, there are two possible reasons A ) I had canon to back it, B ) I didn't wanna. So there. :D (kidding...no but seriously) QUOTE the Dark Hunters, their trusted allies, were being tasked with the destruction of a particularly vicious and destructive traitor marine warband known as The Punishers. These enemies, to the man, had turned from the sacred oaths of the Adeptus Astartes, and it was with pride that the Sky Sentinels petitioned to join the Dark Hunters on this righteous quest. Granted the privilege of destroying these stains upon the honor of all Astartes, the Sky Sentinels split the majority of their resources between their continued pruning of the Ork menace and this new threat. Yes, but no normal Space Marine Chapter turning renegade would need seven other Chapters hunting them down. @BBL: C:SM, page 26, next to the Dark Hunter picture. They are apparently VERY cantankerous. I would love to see how they would react if they were fighting against the Alpha Legion @BBL: They'd make like the Primarch and kill them...we think...hmm, well now that you mention it... All that's gone is detail that our imaginations could provide just as effectively. @Octavulg: You should bottle yourself and sell it at every major game store. That doesn't sound like standard Codex practice at all... @Octavulg: Now see, that concept is my favorite part of these guys. I started as a great hater of all things Codex. And the more I read, the more that changed. It's a collection of the works from the greatest minds in the Imperium on thousands of matters, many outside of the realm of warfare. And it encourages things that often get forgotten...like the use of camoflage for instance. You could be a hardline Codex Adherent chapter and look NOTHING like the UltraSmurfs(still hate them, even if I'm over my Codex hating). So what I really wanted to try for these guys was "Codex but Cool" and that slowly turned into "Codex Fanatical but still Cool and Unique." My thesis, if you will, is that strict Codex adherence does not equal Ultramarines. @Shinzaren: Notes on awesome compile and tabulated, lol. I've attempted to tone it down. They are meant to be a little overstretched though...part of their quest to shine as bright as the UMs. Thanks again everyone. I look forward to a second round of beatings! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 @Octavulg: You should bottle yourself and sell it at every major game store. Unfortunately I contain peanuts. This makes me sadly unmarketable in the modern era. So it goes. @Octavulg: Now see, that concept is my favorite part of these guys. I started as a great hater of all things Codex. And the more I read, the more that changed. It's a collection of the works from the greatest minds in the Imperium on thousands of matters, many outside of the realm of warfare. And it encourages things that often get forgotten...like the use of camoflage for instance. You could be a hardline Codex Adherent chapter and look NOTHING like the UltraSmurfs(still hate them, even if I'm over my Codex hating). So what I really wanted to try for these guys was "Codex but Cool" and that slowly turned into "Codex Fanatical but still Cool and Unique." My thesis, if you will, is that strict Codex adherence does not equal Ultramarines. Fair enough. But considering they're the 'exemplars' of Codex doctrine (which is easy when you just rewrite the book every time :D), I think it'd be worth being more explicit about the distinction. You're back in the rotation. I'm looking forward to rereading. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinzaren Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 @BBL: C:SM, page 26, next to the Dark Hunter picture. They are apparently VERY cantankerous. Actually it says ...Chaos Renegades faction known as 'The Punishers'. Emphasis on Faction, as in more than one Chapter or group. @Shinzaren: Notes on awesome compile and tabulated, lol. I've attempted to tone it down. They are meant to be a little overstretched though...part of their quest to shine as bright as the UMs. The problem with this, and I am gonna rant a bit -apologies if it is out of place- is that realistically not even the Ultramarines can be what they are. They have been built up so high, and their list of achievements is so great that it's just ridiculous. Calgar slays the Avatar mano-y-mano by catching the Wailing Doom in his freaking hand?! Each UM Honor Guard has more achievements and glories than a whole COMPANY of another Chapter? The problem is that their awesomeness is just blown way out of proportion, and so if you try to be like them, or show yourself in the same light, everyone cries foul because they are SOOO awesome. Which is what happened. Your Chapter was really awesome and I didn't buy it, and I didn't like that aspect. Not that your Chapter can't be awesome. They just can't be Ultramarines awesome because it isn't realistic or believable. Somewhere between boring and UM awesome is where you should aim haha. Find that grey area :rolleyes: Anyway, it's nearly 3AM here, so I will have a good read in the morning and go over the changes! Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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