IA: Equites Rhenus 1.2

[gripschi]

Chapter Name:...............................Equites Rhenus (High Gothic), Knights of the Rhine (Low Gothic)

Founding:.......................................delayed part of the 3^rd

Chapter World:...............................Rhenus/ Fleet Based

Fortress Monastery:........................Rhenus Prime, Arc Elenium (Ramilies Star Fort)

Gene-Seed (Predecessor):...............VII Legion (Imperial Fists)

Known Descendants:......................None

 

Origin

 

They are a delayed part of the 3^rd Founding. Founded with ancient gene-seed of the 7^th Legion itself.

 

During the peak of the preparations for the Founding, a ancient Ramilies star fort, leave the Warp near Terra. Immediate after this, a Force consisting of Imperial Fists and various other elements, made haste to intercept and board it.

 

The fort was damaged badly and no living Soul was on Board. The remaining logs, told of fierce Fights during the Great Crusade. Why they got lost during the Warp transit is unknown. Something seemed to have boarded it, which lead to its devastation.

 

They VII Legion Force, manage to preserve many of there remaining belongings, which contain pure gene-seed and various other Equipment.

 

The Star Fort and all belongings on it were carefully and extensive screened. The Inquisition was eager to simply destroy all of it, to eliminate any possible threat. But the Mechanicus, eager to study the Relic „Zero Point Generator“. Which function apparently without maintain and resource input since thousands of years and allow a inferior and slower Travel then Warp, but much safer. At last both Sites found a agrement. The pure Gene-Seed was the topping for them, valuable to further work to correct defiance's. All tough these got later destroyed during the War of the Beast.

 

The High Lords of Terra, ultimately, allowed the founding of a additional Chapter, as requested by the Imperial Fists and Adeptus Mechanicus. They should garrison the Fort and protect the Northern Solar Segmentum. Apparently the Inquisition got compensate somehow.

They reached approximate 119.M32 full combat readiness. Before the Apocalyptic “War of the Beast”, they didn’t encounter a serious Thread.   
 
 
Gene-Seed
 
There Gene-Seed is stable and pure, nothing less to await from the proud line of Rogal Dorn. No Mutations are discovered so far. The only notable deviation is, that all Organs work as intended and none is missing.
 
Beliefs
 
Not unusually among the Ranks of the Adeptus Astartes, they refer to the Emperor not as God, but as the highest pinnacle of Humanity. As a proud Ideal, they wish to come after. Which further shaped them.

 

They hold still the Value of the “Imperial Truth” high, in hope someday mankind return to this fundament and abandon blind Belief.

 

Contrary to it, they due maintain a culture of remember towards the 11^th saint, who aided them due the Agra Mundi Siege. She got on each Ship a small Shrine, on there Home Worlds Monastery they have build a proper Shrine. Her teachings are a essential part of the Chapter.

 

Battlefield Doctrine

 

Like all Chapters of the Adeptus Astartes, they are proficient in all Aspects of Warfare. But they are most skilled in Mobile Attack and Defensive Battles, Siege and Counter Siege Warfare and Close Quarter Battles.

 

Each Aspect has its own Flaws and Strengths. But common among all is the careful but appropriated Application of Overwhelming Fire and Speed. There Motto: Shells are cheap, Astartes not! And „If we don’t loose, the enemy don’t win!. Noteworthy is the use of many Rhino Variants and Bikes along Thunderhawks.

 

Their strength lay in aggressive Tactics and decentralized, flexible organization. In Combat, they always look to take the initiative and strike first. Each Lance is allowed to operate on there own discretion, to react to chances and changes in battles as necessary. Their goal is to bypass enemy strong points and prioritize strike at enemy leadership elements, command centers and supply lines, leaving main enemy forces cut off and uncoordinated. Which can then be further isolated and encircled, Artillery and Air Craft, soften them up, mechanized Troops or regular Astra Millitarum Regiments break the remnants.

 

To Support them with quickly Redeployment, they have many Thunderhawks in use. Mostly they redeploy Tanks or Breacher Squads to new positions. Delivering less mobile Troops right in the Heart of the Battle, to achieve specific Goals as the Situation demand.

 

During Siege Battles, they probe the Enemy’s Positions carefully and saturate them with Shells, in the Wake of such a Bombardment, they assault the designated Points,ripping him apart with Heavy Armoured Squads. Which cleave a way for the remaining Forces. Which secure a passage for additional Siege Equipment and Troops.

 

Important by all there Operations is the carefully wager to advance further and/or consolidation of the current gains. Overstretching there lines, and bending over, has to be avoid at all cost along futile battles of Attrition to there disadvantageous.

 

Void Battle

 

Due their long time as a fleet based Chapter, they still posses a wide array of Ships and Boarding Tactics. Many fit for ship-to-ship Warfare, contrary to the Codex limitation. Which doesn't brother them.

 

They break through blockades with sheer force, afterwards the numerous Cruiser Vessels with support of Escorts, engage in mobile battles. The Cruisers rip the shields apart and escorts finish them with torpedoes and/or the mass of ordnance Craft go for the Kill.

 

Accompanying Campaigns/Crusades

 

When they take part in Operations with other Imperial Forces, they dispatch Liaison Officers to ease cooperation. Taken there Status,when necessary assume temporarily Control of Elements to achieve a necessary Goal.

 

To aid the Imperial Navy/ Astra Millitarum during prolonged Campaigns, they provide a Frontier Base with there Star Fort. Which boost vast amounts of Supply’s and provide Ship Yards to accommodating Cruiser Sized Vessel, even Capital Ships are able to gain Basic Maintain.

   
Organization

 

Over the time the Chapter, drifted significantly away form the Layout, the Codex Astartes suggest. After the War of the Beast, the greatest Change took place. Gifted with a very rare and old Copy of the “Principia Belicosa”. They embrace the Terran Pattern Organization of the Old Legion Astartes but incorporate the Codex teachings and limitations, when deemed worthy or necessary. Few adjustment were introduced over the time, but no drastic changes, beside the forsake of Codex Markings and Organization.

 

Current Chapter Organization as 111.M42, are the following:

 

1 Chivalry Order of the Grand Cross (1^st Company)

Consist of 144 Astartes, plus additional Hospitarii (Apothecary) and Trappearii (Tech Marine) to maintain Flesh and Steel, further Divided in 3 Company’s, divided in 4 Grand Lances, each is Part of a Chivalry Order Battalion,yet independent, to provide them with there Strength and Wisdom, fully equipped with Terminator Armour

 

3 Chivalry Order Battalions of Thuringa, Saxonia, Saxonia-Haltia (Battle Company)

each Consist of 240 Astartes, plus additional Hospitarii and Trappearii to maintain Flesh and Steel, which are further Divided in 5 Company's of 48 Astartes, divided in 4 Lances each

 

2 Chivalry Order of the Draper (Logistic Company)

Consist of 96 Astartes, plus additional Hospitarii and Trappearii,
they usually circle between the Order’s which operate in Crusades or Campaigns, deliver new supply’s and lend forges to refit the Order as much as possible, when Capacity's are free they lend them to other Factions on Site

 

1 Chivalry Order of the Errant (Archeotech Seeking Company)

Consist of 96 Astartes, plus additional Hospitarii and Trappearii, usually operate outside of the Imperial borders with Rogue Traders and Explorators of the Adeptus Meachanicus on the Search of archeotech

 

1 Chivalry Order of the Kommende (Maintain the Ramilies Fort)

Consist officially of no Line Battle Brothers, instead manned with large Numbers of Support Personal to man additional Aircraft and Vehicles when necessary, beside Large Hangars and Stockpiles of Supplies, they host a Geneseed Bank and Apothecarium, Fabrics and Shipyards for maintain and production of new Wargear, several Research and Development Sites

 

__________

Further each Order, have a Stratetigum Council, which sort combat data and propose following Actions. Usually its personal boost mostly of Serfs with additional Servitors for data processing, a few revered serve here too.

 

The Chivalry Order Battalions Fleets, each consist of 1 Capital Ship, 2 Strike Cruisers, additional Lunar Class Cruisers, Escorts, Transport- and Forgeships.

 

The Chivalry Order of the Draper, 1 Battle Barge and Several Cruisers and Escorts

 

The Chivalry Order of the Grand Cross Fleet, consist of 3 Strike Cruisers and Escorts.

 

The Chivalry Order of the Errant, consist of a heavily modified Exorcist Class Grand Cruiser and additional Escorts, Transport- and Forgeships.

 

 

 

Ranks

 

Chapter Marshal (Chapter Master)

Knight Grand Commander (Leaders of the Grand Cross Company's)

Knight Commander (Leader of Chivalry Order Battalion)

Knight Equerry (Co-Leader of a Chivalry Order Battalion)

Knight Captain (Leader of a Company)

Knight Lieutenant (Co-Leader of a Company)

Knight Banneret (Leader of a Lance)

Knight Serjeant (Second Leader of a Lance)

Knight (Full Fledged Battle Brother)

Man at Arms ( Scout)

Squire (Aspirant in Training)

 

Special Ranks

 

Knight of the Grand Cross (Veteran Battle Brother who earn the Right to don Ancient Terminator Armour)

Feldscher (Battle Brother who is skilled in some extent as Hospitaller)

Hospitaller (Apothecary)

Grand Hospitaller (Master of the Apothecarium)

Trospar (Battle Brother who is skilled in some extent as Trappitaler)

Trappitaler (Tech Marine)

Grand Trappitaler (Master of the Forge)

Kommender (including Driver, Pilots, Trappitaler and Hospitaller, and other noncombat Officers)

Grand Kommtur (Master of the Kommenden)

Kommtur (Leader of a Chapter Keep)

Knight Grand Preceptor (Leader of Honour Guard Squad from Captains)

Knight Preceptor (Member of Honour Guards)

Chancellor (Function as Liaison Officer to other Imperial Forces and Organizations, has extensive Knowledge of Various Imperial Guides including the Codex Astartes)

 

Reclusarium

 

Lore Master (Chaplain)

Lore Keeper (Chaplain in Training)

Troubadour (Brother who wrote Tales of Deeds)

Bard (Brother who tell Tales)

Scribe (Brother who wrote down Tales as told)

 

Preceptor Guard

 

The service in the PG is mandatory for all Battle Brothers, who wish to ascend later to a leading Position.

The Service Start by accompany the Knight Marshal, to learn various Non Combat Skills and to further bind them towards the Chapter as whole and not there Order and Officer alone. After this they get assigned mostly to there Old Order and serve there Superior Officer till promotion.   

 

 

Chapter Culture

 

Founded with the Ideals of the Imperial Fists and the Imperial Truth. They were at the begin of there Legacy, a highly organized and secular Chapter. Eager to follow the Steps of there Fore bearers.

 

Since their Founding, the Chapter care way more than others, for there mortal Serfs. Knowing that they can’t function perfect, without them. Leading them to be highly loyal to their Masters, the chance that their offspring may join the Marines, is a greater Ideal they work towards. Which is welcome side effect of this.

 

The greatest Change in there Culture came with the settling on there Home World. To ease the the Relations and enable smoother Stewardship, they adopt many Aspects from there.

 

They introduced several Traditions and Ranks of the Chivalry Orders, to ease the Culture Difference by inducting new recruits and serfs. There love for exact preparations and Streamlined Squads and Equipment, are further increased with the new inbounds. Coming from a culture with a strict and efficient Bureau and Militarily. Fitting smooth inside the Chapter Structure.

 

Outside from Battles, the Brothers don there Armour in exchange for Robes, spent there Free Time by reading Ancient Books over War, Logistic or Poesy. Others hone there Skills in Duels or War Games to sharpen there Skills further.

The Leading Officers, normally left there Troops alone, they have additional Duties to fulfill, to maintain there Battalions. The sparse free time they have, some spent with other Officers or some recreation. It isn’t forbidden that Officers spent time with there Soldiers, but it is uncommon.

 

Each member have a personal heraldry, which is unique and tells their life. When a Squire finishes his training, and is deemed ready, he join officially the Chivalry Order, and gains the honour to attain the rank of a Knight. It is a ceremony, which was once invented on Terra itself.

 

The Squire, get pointed with a Sword on each Shoulder and swear a Oath of Service to the Emperor. With this he got the First Parts of His Heraldic:

 

First: Indicate his Origin

Second: Symbol of his Order

Third: Personal Choice

Fourth: Represent new Duty

Additional Markings: for Deeds and finished Campaigns

 

Uncommon among the Ranks of the Adeptus Astartes, they have the tradition of retreating from active duty. With the acceptance of their superior Officers, they relinquish the right to wear power armour and offer their knowledge to the Chapter. Choosing there new Place at there own discretion. Important is their continued Service toward the Chapter, as Instructor, Strategists, Kommtur of Chapter Keeps.

 

It is after all a rare occasion that a Brother choose this path, to achieve this right, one must proof his worth many times, and usually only achieve at the cost of a great sacrifice for the Chapter.

 

To celebrate important Victories, the Chapter hold several Tournaments over the Course of a month. Where the battle-brothers prove their various skills. In addition to this, the Chapter Serfs and there offspring participate in separate tournaments, which allow to evaluate potential recruits. When possible they hold it on Rhenus.

 

At the end of this month, all fallen brothers are honored by engraving there names in stone plates, and the ashes of their bodies, collected in urns. Which got bury later on their home world in large catacombs underneath there Fortress Monastery.

 

After this Ceremony, the Highest Ranking Officer don several Honour Markings and promote Squires to Knights, which join the Company’s to replace the fallen ones.

 

Recruitment

 

Unlike most Astartes Chapter, they go full on Quantity over Quality. The recruits would be Shaped and Seed out over the Course of there Training Regime. There Home world, provide a steady Influx of able Kids, raised in a World where Survival is still a deed.

To ensure that only the toughest and best make it into the new Training Company’s, training is brutal and quickly weeds out the weak and unworthy, for fear and weakness are not tolerated.

 

The minds and characters of the young prospective Aspirants or Chapter Serfs, are purposefully broken and remade stronger, just as their bodies are trained to withstand hardship and endure suffering that would kill other men -- a task already begun by the mere fact of Choosing by the Chapter.

The Bulk of there Recruits are from the various Chivalry Orders and Bureau Family's from Rhineus and there Void Ships. But whenever the chance arise to recruit, they took it, diversify is never bad.

 

When the Aspirants reach combat readiness, they are formed in Initiated Companies, which gradually move from logistic and rear duties toward the front line. They learn how a war function, before they participate in waging one. After there baptism of fire, they gain the right to join the Order fully.

  
Home-World

 

In M36, the Chapter decided to establish a permanent Base. After the constant Fighting’s during the Civil War, they were depleted and were in need for a permanent base to consolidate there Forces.

 

Located in the Northern Border Triangle of Solar Segmentum. Covered behind dense Asteroid Fields and Stellar Dust, lay a temperate World, which held a population of Humans.

 

With the lack of Major Stable Warp Routes and valuable Resources, this Area of Space got not much attention form the Imperium. In any means a remote region of the Segmentum.  

 

Topography

 

A rather temperate World, with 2 Continents and many various sized Isles around it. The Main Continent is formed like a half moon with a fjord region in the northern regions. Where the Fortress Monastery lay.

 

The second Continent is shaped like a Fist and covered in dense jungles, housing few tribes.

 

Culture

 

The Age of Technology is long gone. Only fragments survived the endless Years. Each Major Industrial City, is a grounded Forge Ship. A remand of the time before the Colonization, now clad in Stone and Iron Walls. Housing the majority of the Nobles and working Population.

 

The Society resemble this of a Medieval/Feudal World, but with several High Industrial Complexes. The World is govern by a System of Bureau Family’s and Chivalry Orders. Which oversee the various Castles and Settlement spread over the Areas surrounding the Industrial Cities, which gather various resources.  

 

The Great Houses, are since ancient times, in a delicate balance of power. No major war was waged for thousand of years. Which didn’t mean it’s peaceful, numerous feuds and other small engagement are common.

 

History
 
First discovered during the Golden Age of Humanity, the Barren World, was deemed worthy of Terra Forming to hold a Colony. The exact reasons, which led to this Conclusion is long lost.
 
Reconstructed of the few remaining logs and tales of the population, they undertook great Constructions for this task. Several Dozens Habitats were build in a stable Orbit, holding Shipyards, Fabrics and Quarters for the Colonists. From the Size of small Stations to that of Star Forts.  
 
On the Surface they Constructed a Fortress like City, to hold the Terra Form Equipment along with its Staff, additional Silos to hold necessary Resources. Located in the Northern Regions of the later main Continent.
 
During the process, the Rebellion of the “Iron Man” Occurred, leading to the stop of Resources Freighters. The few who still arrived, told tales of Horror. In dire need of the Planet. The scientist determined to achieve with the remaining resources a habitable world. In the end, they didn’t fail this task, but without the exact parameters. Which should take thousand of years to be nearly reach the desired goals.  

 

At last, they landed the remaining Forge Ships, which would later become the foundation of a civilization.
 
The sub continent, created as Oxygen pool, is covered in dense jungles.

 

Primaris Marines

 

They were among the first who utilized fully Primaris Formations to reinforce there depleted Troops. With a Similar Doctrine to that of the Old Legions, the Newcomers fit easily inside.

 

It didn’t go without Grief, many saw that the Primarch Robute Guilimann, intend to replace them with better and newer tools. But after the Battles continues, they understand it isn't the Fault of the Primaris Marines. They proofed there Worth, saved them and died together. Slowly they were forged together.

 

As a Sing of the new founded Brotherhood, the Artisans remodel the Mark X Helmets to resemble that of the Old Mark III.

The Chapter still produce First and Second Born Astartes. But the Goal is to convert whole as soon as possible. Foremost they need Time to refit there Large Arsenal of Rhinos and Thunderhawks to accommodate Primaris proper. The sacred Terminator Armour’s are a other Point of concern.

 

At the Beginning 112.M42, roughly 45% are Primaris. Safe for the Order of Knight Errant, which didn't made contact yet.
 
 
The Rubicon
 
Before the Process is deemed Acceptable, only a few would try to Cross the Rubicon.
 
Equipment

 

Due there constant divergence form the Codex Astartes and the unsanctioned Modification of Equipment. Many Forges are closed to them, which hinder Reinforcement and Influx of certain Assets.

Determined to hold steadfast there ground, they worked hard to circumvent these Problems. Which included reducing and rework of there Equipment. The most important trait they want, is Durability along with Multi- Role Equipment.  

 

Which lead to the out fading of complex and Rare Gear like Plasma Weapons or Land Raiders as Example.

 

Currently they employ:

 

Rhino - The Workhorse of there Mechanized Troops, deployed in several variants including Setups, inspired from the Leman Russ Tank and other Imperial Vehicles   

 

Mark VI Power Armour - Main Used Type, preferred for its smoother Movement and Proportions, reshaped to look closer to the Mark III Iron Pattern, later Improvements included

 

Mark III Power Armour - Main Used Type for fights in CQ and Boarding Actions, Breacher Squads are (Plate Armour)     permanently equipped with it, sometimes 1^st Company’s too, still able to    produce them in appropriated numbers, later Improvements included

 

Primaris War Gear- Newly issued with Primaris Reinforcement, currently under Research and Development for further Use

 

Bikes and Attack Bikes - Fielded in large quantity’s,

 

Thunderhawk - Main Used Type, fielded in many Variants and Load outs

 

 

This include there Void Ships too. To maintain them, they have large Yards on there Homestead. Hard to replace System get replaced with more common Variants or launch bays. To reduce the Work Amount, many unnecessary Parts of Ships got replaced with Armour or simply removed. This don’t mean the are inferior to more sophisticated Ships, they bridge this gap through experience and full use of there capability.

 

Notable Battles

Siege of Agra Mundi - Months of Blood and Mud

 

During the outbreak of the “War of the Beast”, Orks assailed nearly every Imperial World. In the Northern Solar Regions, lay the Agra Mundi Sector, which host a Agra World, Mining Moon with a small Forge on it.

The importance of the Sector Lay, in the vast amounts of Food which supplied nearby Sectors.

 

Due the peaceful Years, the World was guarded by Second String Imperial Guard Regiments and outdated and green navy fleets. Unfit to deal with increasing Ork raids. They dispatch a Astrophatic Emergency Call, which got answered by the Knights Exemplars.

 

They put now all Resources toward Agra Mundi, building Trenches along the Huge River Rhineus and fortify it. The Fleet were concentrate too, task with guarding the Orbital Docks. The Knights, took the fight toward the Orks, in hope to disperse the main attack force. Succeeding in this goal to some degree, the Orks succeed in a sneak attack and captured the Orbital Docks in turn.

 

After a fierce boarding action to retook the docks, soon the Astartes were low on supplies and had no shortage of Enemies. Finally they destroyed the dock, unwilling to leave it for the Orks.

 

Soon after this Distraction, Ork Crafts flooded the System, unable to intercept them fully before, their aerospace craft before they made planet fall. Still remaining Void Superiority, they were soon forced in a Brutal War of Attrition. There advanced Positions on the River Rhineus were overrun in hours.

 

With huge Sacrifices the Defenders, put a halt to the Advance, at the cost of nearly a half of the continent. The ongoing fight of Attrition were a new Experience. Many Vehicles broke down, never see service again, which forced them to modify the Stocks of the Imperial Guards too maintain a minimum of Mobile Vehicles.

 

After months of Fights, the morale reach the bottom. The future look grim and the losses weight dire. Nearly all people fought now on the Lines. In this Dark Times, a young Woman raise through the Ranks, soon commanding the entire War. With her raise, the Battles took a more fluid flow and the Artillery paid a important part of repel the Orks.

 

The Astartes and People, remembered here as the 11^th Saint, much is still unknown about her, but she is still a part of the Chapter. Leaving them a rare Copy of the “Principia Belicosa”, with many additional notices about Warfare and Logistic.

When finally Reinforcement arrived, she simply vanished. Leaving her Legacy living inside the “Equities Rhineus”.

Culling of Delta IV - Horror of Darkness
 
During the Moiare Catechism, they were called to accompany a Mechanicus Disciplinary Force, to bring back the Forge World Delta IV, to the Cult Mechanicus.
 
The initial Operation Phase was success full, with Void Superiority, the combined Forces make Planet Fall to capture Key Industry and Positions. The Nightmare begun after the first ground battles, beside the regular Mechanicus Troops, more and more bizarre and deadly Creatures join the Ranks.
 
With this newcomers, a shift in the Enemy's tactics, should be near fatal for the Attackers. They prioritize the elimination of Officers and other Key Personal among both forces. As quick reaction, they don all markings which give away Officers and Specialist.
 
Both Supreme Commanders agree that the World is lost, in desperate Battles they were able to secure few STC Prints and some Important Industrial machines and supplies. After the evacuation, they conduct Exterminatus on it.

The stroll form the Codex, remain after this Battle, all Astartes wear the same Colour on the Field. Never again they should lose so easy valuable Officers and other Personal.

 

Relations

 

Adeptus Mechanicus -

Bound through ancient oaths, they have a delicate Relation. The ongoing modify of Equipment are a constant point of Anger.

But they hardly accept it, to important the few STC Sheets and relics, recovered from the Outer Border together with the Rouge Trader Dynasty “Nebukadnezzar”.

 

Death Watch -

At the Founding of it, they are among the Chapters which provide Astartes for the new Kill Teams. Rich on Experience due 2 Years fighting Orcs.

They are among the Chapters, which provide a steady influx of Recruits, mostly not Veterans, but fresh Astartes which survived there First Battles and remain the only remaining of its Unit or deemed not team able.

The returned, bring back valuable Knowledge, even the few they are allowed to share is crucial. Each of them is qualified to success a Leading Positions. Many Tactics got incorporated later and modified to suit the Chapters.

 

Adeptus Ministorum -

Both sides tolerate each other hardly, the strict follow of the Imperial Truth and the open refuse of the Church, strain it. The Event which overthrow a entire Sector and liberation of a Astartes Chapter, remain a thorn in there relations till today.

 

Codex Chapters -

Its a cold and bitter Relation. The most are unforgiving against breaks, to the Holy Codex. They usually avoid a engagement when Codex Chapters are present. Not to strain there Patience, over the point. To somewhat ease this frictions, they still use the rank system and broader guidelines. In Addition they dispatch when necessary Liaison Officers.

 

Rouge Trader Dynasty “Nebukadnezzar” -

A rather old and mid sized Dynasty. They gained Wealth and Influence during the Civil War in M36. Little is known how they exactly grow to outsiders. Truth is, they offered the Chapter supplies and other deals, which benefit both sites. Till today, they play a vital part, to supply the Chapter with various things.

They host and join Explorator Fleets, which are accompanied by the Errant Order of the Equites Rhenus.

 

 

Edited September 21, 2020 by gripschi

[Berzul]

Hey!

 

Ill try and comment later. When I am at my laptop.

 

But, for mobile, the color ypu used is almost impossible to read. Just FYI.

 

Again, as soon as I can sit at my laptop, Ill review it entirely.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

As Berzul noted, white text makes your IA invisible against the white background that's the default for the website's Mobile Version (for smartphones and other mobile devices), unless the reader highlights the text. You're also missing the blank lines used to separate paragraphs in *.html documents (remember, the tabs used to do so for *.txt documents are automatically omitted when the text is copied and pasted into an *.html document), making it a "wall of text" that's hard to read.

 

I also noticed multiple typos, e.g., describing "Iron Mens" ("men" is the plural for "man"). Is English NOT your first language?

[gripschi]

I will try to break Up the Text Wall later.

 

But how can i Set 2 Colours? Like White for regular and Black for mobile?

 

And yes, English is Not my first Language, and i know that there are enough typos..., Something i need more to adress.

[Berzul]

Founding: 3rd around M32.0100-200

Lineage: Rogal Dorn, Imperial Fists

Geneseed: Pure, no signs of Degeneration or Deficiency

Astartes Organes: Contray to there Lineage, they have a full working Set of Organs

Codex Astartes: Unique Organisation, only a Guideline

Strength: 1000 Line Brothers (currently at 70% Strength)

Homeworld: Founded Fleet Based on a DAoT Ramilies Fort, later claimed one

Located: Segmentum Solar, Northern Region, Active mostly in Segmetum Solar, but

ocassionally spotted in Pacificus and regular Patrols in Obscurus

Archenemy: Orks

Loyalty: Loyal to the Empire

Succesors: None

Belives: Beside 1 Saint, they adhere mostly to the old Imperial Truth, not denying the Foes

of the Archenemy

Affiliation: Moiare Adeptus Mechanicus, Rouge Trader Dynasty Nebucanezder,

Adeptus Administratum (sided during AoA), Adeptus Munitorum

Battle Cry: For the 11th Goddess! Glory to his Imperial Majesty!  (silence)

 

History of the World:

Explored during the Golden Age, the Planet was cove rd in Asteroid Fields and Solar Dust.Approaching proved difficult. But some lost in time Reasons, deemed a Colonization as necessary.In the close Days of the Golden Age, huge Habitats and Stations were constructed.

The Planet itself, undergo the delicate and ressouce demanding Terra forming Process. Its Technology largley lost, were centered on the Icy Regions to maintain the imense Heat easier. In the index chart, you describe the chapter as Fleet Based, but in the lore you jump right into describing what seems to be a chapter homeworld. At what point in time did they settle down on a specific planet? Perhaps you could go into more depth there, as to how the chapter began as fleet based, and what events led up to them settling down and fortifying a specific planet on a particular system.

Ultimately in the process, the constant Resource inbound failed. Soon the huge Depots of the Installation lay bare.

Few Ships arrived them, all full of Refugees and bitter stories. The "Iron Mens" rebelled. The System got away, due to some believes, no artificiality life were allowed.

The remaining logs indicate. That the Scientists try to finish the process so far, that Humans could Life there. Only partly sucessfull, few urban areas were completed.

After rebellions and Dispute, due to Material law and the small space, many descent to the surface. So, there was an orbital colony first, and they only touched down years after, once the land was terraformed enough? That actually sounds very interesting. What happened to the orbital colonies? Are they still around? Is there a particular dynamic between the surface inhabitants and the orbital colonists? Does this play into the dynamics of the chapter, now that they have claimed this world as the chapter homeworld? Forming the Population now in wide areas of the World settled.

The Civilization has lost most of its former Technology. Still they hold a level similar to the late Industry Time on Earth once. Remarkable is the huge variety of Tank Vehicles, similar to the Rhino.

The Population is in near constant War, due to the only partly Terr Forming attempt, the areas which allow settlement are are. Civil war? War with other planets? War with enemies of the Imperium? This is really good grounds for more detail in the story! I think a lot can be done here! If you were to tie it up with the issue with the orbital colonies, then maybe there is war between those living on the surface and those left at the planet's orbit, on their ships? I dunno, just, throwing an idea out there.

 

Organization

 

Once Codex Complaint, later drifted away, the lesson that it is a "Guide" Not a holy Decree, was payed with Blood and Iron.

The Chapter is divided at M42 following:

 

Instructor Unit

 

Consist of 144 Astartes, equipped fully with Terminator Armour. They are stationed on Rhine and there Space Moanestry as Guard. As far as I understand it in the lore, Tactical Dreadnought Armor (Terminator Armor) is a suit usually reserved for squads or companies focused on assault. As in, bringing the fight to the enemy. If so, is there a particular reason that the chapter has elected to keep those veterans able to field these suits of armor, in the Chapter Homeworld, as guards? Because, there very well can be reasons (my own Successor Chapter, for instance, keeps a lot of TDA Battle Brothers on the homeworld, albeit on rotation as they go out to hunt regularly). Training aspirants seems like one, but I wonder if there are more reasons for it. And, on that note, how do they interact with the planet? Is there a planetaryu defense force with which they allie themselves? Maybe one with which they clash?

Further they are tasked with oversee the Aspirants and forge them to join the Chapter.

They use a rare and old, Governor Class Grand Cruiser, if the need arise to operate outside the Rhine System.

 

War Division (3 Divisions)

 

Consist of 240 Astartes, divided in 5 Battalions to 48 Men.

Accompanied by an Apothecarium and Maintain Crew (Techmarine), to tend wounded Brothers and Equipment. Further to train and oversaw new Aspirants. If the Terminator Veterans stay behind in Rhine, and they are in charge of training the Aspirants, what sort of training and relationship with aspirants do the War Divisions have?

 

Each Division has One Battlebarge and 3 Strike Cruisers, along with an broad Array of Escorts and Supply Ships to maintain Independence from other Sources. This I like a lot. They were born a fleet based chapter, after all. Even if they now reside on Rhine, they maintain a culture of fleet-based independance in operations.

 

Supplement Division

 

Consist of 96 Astartes, divided in 8 Units of 12 Men. Additional Maintain Crews and few Apothecarii are on Board too.

There Task is to maintain the Chapters Vehicles which aren't used primarily. They accompany usually War Divisions which join Crusades, to prepare Supply's beyond the normal Consume Rate.

There Battlebarge is a early concept of the "Assault Barge", not as much refined in Design as the later. Consist of nearly twice the Hangar Bays as usually, able to hold plenty Supply's beside the Chapter needs.

Accompanied by 2 Vanguard Cruisers and several Light Cruisers and Escort Ships. The Barge itself contains large Numbers of Ordnance.

 

Void Division

 

Consist of 96 Astartes, divided in 2 Battalions of 36 and 2 Units of 12 Men.

They are a Mix of Maintain and Apothecarii, all tough they train Aspirants, mostly they Drill the Auxiliary Troops from the Rouge Trader. Again, I am curious as to how the training of the aspirants work. You have the Instructor Unit of Terminators at the planet, training them. But also each War Division doing so, and the Void division as well.

Instead of a Battlebarge, they use heavy modified and reinforced Exorcist Class Grand Cruiser. Buyed from the Solar Segmentum Fleet, now serving as Base for the Void Company. Most time operating in the Border Regions and Beyond. Accompanied by several Escorts.

 

Ranks

Chapter Marshall (Chapter Master)

Division Commander (Company Captain)

Battalion Commander

Wing Leader

Maintain Marine (Techmarine)

Medic (Apothecarii)

Instructor (Trainer of Aspirants)

Komtur (Leader of Chapter Estates of Recruitment Worlds)

Similar to Codex Chapters, they utilize the Ranks of Master of Forge, Armoury, Fleet and Apothecarium. But each Division has this Ranks, not like usually only once.

Keeper of Knowledge (Highest Librarian)

Librarian

Colour: Field Grey (Like German WW2) or Mud Green

Battle Cry: For the Goddess! For his Imperial Majesty! Glory to the Empire!

Faith: They still believe in the Imperial Truth, this lead to frictions with more religious Chapters and Organizations, they try to avoid Joint operations with such Elements. They see the Emperor as a Being, which represent the binnacle of mankind.

Along with believe in the Imperial Truth, they see the Importance of the Adminstratum. Which later lead to a Alliance against the Church.

Tactic: They are skilled Void Fighters and prevail in Boarding Actions too. A trait, they maintain since there Founding time.

Steel Rain

On the ground, they use large Numbers of Razorbacks and other Rhino Variants. To add Firepower they use Cybot Squads as Mobile Heavy Support.

Besides these Transporters, they field when possible Whirlwinds and Rhino Advancers with Basilisk mounted on them. Protected by Predators.

First Scouts act as fire observers, after a rocket Valley, they ident AA and AM spots. There they feed these points with regular Volleys. With constant front Feedback. Tearing the strongest Defensive in shreds.

Before the Last Shell hit, they all ready assault the lines.

 

Void Rain:

Able to surive the Void, entire Battalions launched prior to a Engagement, against stationary Targets. Only to open breaches and quickly overwhelming the Enemies when the Fleet engage.

Defensive: As long as possible they conduct a mobile Defensive. Is this no longer possible, the Knights dig a perfectly planned array of Trenches with Bunkers, Weapon Points and tunnels to move in this Position.

For the most Eyes it look Like a Maze. But for the known Eyes, its a Area with many Death Zones and Fallback Points. Easy to retake for the Defenders but horribly vulnerable to hold it as Attacker.

 

Relations:

The Relations to the Adeptus Mechanicus are cold. They accuse them as Heretics, for fighting on the Side of the Moiare Rebels, later to give them refuge. And therefore stealing of Technology.

To spoil the Relations further, the KotR ignore the holy decree to not alter Technology. Fielding own Variants of the Rhino Chassis and other Equipment as they deem it necessary.

 

Elicas Church: For not accept the Imperial Church, alone they tolerate it. But for formally Allied with the Adminstraum, they are in a mostly cold War.

 

Sons of Medusa: Bounded through the Moiare Shisma, both Chapters fought occasion side by Side. The Knights deliver occasion salvaged Equipment and Vehicles to them. In Exchange for Equipment and Parts, they need, but aren't able to manufacture yet in necessary Numbers.

 

Black Templar: Curiously they have good Relations. Beside the Question in Faith, they fought several time alongside. Outsiders assume there Relations are improved due both sides dint use Psykers and fought valiant against all foes in CQC. You listed a librarian position in the chapter structure. But, they don't use psykers? Maybe there was a mistake here?

 

Codex Chapters: As usually, most dislike there Break with the Codex. Mostly Cold and Business Like Relations. Usually a chapter that so strongly deviates from the codex would be a cause for concern. I'm thinking of how original chapters that have gone their own way (such as the Dark Angels) have had to have specific dispensation for their "original" structures. How did that work out for this chapter?

 

Equipment:

 

During the turbulent Years in M35 and M36, they chnaged there Vehicle Bay massive. Abbandon many of the other Types,

tthey startet using extensive Numbers of the Rhino Chasis. Quickly modify for the current Situation.

Its common to see them use parts from the Astra Millitarum, which they accompani often.

 

Rhinos with Leman Russ Cannons and Basilik Artillery arent uncommon.

 

They still use the MKVI Corvous Power Armour, but integreate some of the later improvments.

Noatably are the smaller Back Pack, somehow they managed to size it down.

 

For boarding Actions or Battles in small Environments, they maintain MKIII in decent Numbers.

Every Marine, is extensive trained in the use of Boarding Shields. Alltough few have built in Shield Generators. They are plates of reinforced Stell and Ceramit.

Its Common to see them with Shields on the Battlefield.

 

Gene Seed:

The Main Part, is cleary Imperial Fist Genes, but further enganced with at least 1 unknown Seed. All Organs working, no signs of deteration.

They carefully Split and maintain there Geneseed Banks. Rumors indicate that they have a Secret Stock, deep hiden inside the Adminstraum.

 

 

History:

The first Chapter Master, a true Son of Dorn, earned the right to lead a own Chapter, during

the Exploration and Cleaning of a Ancient Ramilies Fort. But soon after inhering If he was the first, then the position cannot have been inherited. Maybe there was a mistake here? the Rank

of a Chapter Master, distress maifested inside the Chapter. The proud Master and his new

Brothers dosent share the same Stubbornes and Determation usally displayed among the

Succesors of the Imperial Fists. Soon the Chapter was divided in 2 Factions, the Proud Son

of Dorns and the Pragmatic Sons under the 1st Captain. Wait, the chapter is composed of two factions? THis does not match the previous text.

 

To compensate for this, the CM valianty took evry Battle, in hope to awakeing the ture

Herriage of his men. A task which lead him ultimately to his End and nearly that of his

Chapter too.

 

After the Rebellions cool down, the Chapter patroled the Core Systems of the Solar

Segment. After sporadic fights against Orc Raiders, the Chapter heed to the Agriculture

System Rhine. The Logistic Hub which supply the sourondind Sectors, were captured form

Orcs, thearten a Food Emerengcy around.

 

Eagerly to fight them off, he orderd the enire Chapter to mobilise, expect for the 1

1st Company, which should protect the Moanestry and to get the Captain out of his way.

The 3rd Company which fought down a Rebllious Outburst was to this time on the Way

back to restock Supplys. Again, the text doesn't match what has been previously written. Suppossedly, the chapter does not work with traditional companies, but with divisions and batallions.

 

Nearly the entire Chapter and ist Fleet headed towards Rhine. The Moanetry following

but not expected to arrive sooner then 2 Weeks later. To show the Chapters Majority the

true Spirit of Rogal Dorns Sons.

 

After sucessfully take the Hub back, the Luck was no longer on his side. After merly few

days the Fleet couldn't longer handle the aprocahing Orcs. After the loss of a Strike Cruiser

and most Escorts they retreat to the Hub. Contrary to the Situation the Chapter Master

Ordered a throughout Fortification and prepare to hold out until the Orcs are repelled.

 

Disturbing Reports across the Entire Segmentum reached the 1st Captain, which urged him

to speed the Travel as much as possible up. After entering the Rhine System, he saw a

truly devastating picture. Most of there fleet destroyed around the Hub and a uncountable

mass of Orc Ships. After a fierce Conversation with his Chapter Master, he denied his

Order to join the fight, instead he broke a Corridor through the Encirclement to enable

the reaming Troops to flee. To the shock of the Chapter Master, many attempt to break

Through and escaping towards the Moanestry instead of fighting to the End.

 

After nearly 1,5 Commpany worth of Asartes Escaped, the corridor slowy closed. Cut of for

many the last way out. Over the Vox, they heard the last Words of there Leader. Cruseing

them for not fight to the End, for betray him and the Primarch.

 

knowing he would kill all reaming Asartes, the 1st Captain order the entire Wepaons of

the Moanestry to obliberated the Hub along with the Orcs and his Brothers. Crossing a

Rubicon of no return, he watch the Expolsion. After that they retreat to the Agrar World,

where various fragments of Imperial Forces arrived. Along with several Asartes Forces,

many Imperial Army Vessels stranded there, lost there Escort they were vulnerable.

 

In this Chaos the 1st Captain soon claimed Supremme Command and started organize

the various forces. Deemed the Planet as rally point and a increasing Orc mass incomeing.

They dig there lines along the largest River, the Rhine.

 

The follwoing 2 Years where a constant strugle to maintain the Orcs deadlocked and not

allow them to break through. Many untold deeds and sacrifies, allow them to hold out.

During this time, a young Woman form the World rise trhough the Ranks, soon leading

the entire army as second in command. Soon the troops saw in her a saint, even the

notorius Asartes aknowlegde in her a spark of the Emperor.

 

The date exact 2 Years after the downfall, a unbeliable strong Orc apeared, easyly breake

through Asartes. Only the intervention of the 1st Captain and the Saint, saved the World.

After cutting down 11 such impressive Orcs, the remaing lost there cohesion and start a

war for the sucession. Only leading to there anhiliation, inspired and enraged through

the sacrifie of the Saint, the remaing Defenders overrun the sartled Orcs.

 

Soon after the  the Siege, they lend forces to the Second Beheading Operation, later send

them to the new founded Death Watch.

 

After the Dead of the Beast, they undertook many Campaings to erradicate Orcs and re-

claim lost worlds for the Empire. Slowly they emabrk toward the Nothern Broders, only

to participate in the 4th Black Crusade. Which took a heavy toll on men and equipment.

 

Which lead to one of the Chapters turning points. On the Border toward Ultima, a new

Forge World were on the rise. Remote enough to escape the tight of Mars to some degree.

Faceing increasing Orc Raiders, they welcommed the KotR eagerly. In exchange for dealing

with the Orcs, they refitt the Chapters Equipment and even pull a pool of Aspirants out

of the Workforces under there Jurisdication. A nearly one Millenia holding Relation was

founded. Only to be overtrowhn in the Wake of the Moiare Shisma.

 

The Chapter which aided the Fabricator, through Contracts bounded, soon fought a

total war on the Forge World. After first Sucess, the true Enemy striked, Forces of the Dark

Mechanicus, which poured Oil in the Conflict between the Mechanicus Factions, envolped

the world in horrors. Unable to achive victroy, the Chapter started evacuaiting as much

loyal Forces and Technology as possible. Still leaving many of there Armoured Vehicles

back, to buy the dire needed time.

 

After the Evacuation they conduct Exterminatus over the World, denied the Dark Forces

there price, but deeply wounded as a twisted gift. The Enemy used the Markings of the

Codex Asartes against them. Leading to shortage on Officers.

 

To envolp the Situation further, a Punishment Fleet from the Mars, reached the System

few days beofre they reach the Left Point. Leading to dire Situation, the Mechanicus Fleet,

demanded the entire Mechanicus Refugees and boarding of the Chapters Vessels to

conduct these task. Which were declined by the Chapter Master, stateing that all traitors

were dealt with on the ground.

 

With no proof that they have Moiare Refugees, and a huge disperty in fighting abilitys. The

Mechanicus Envy, declared the Case as closed. But denied them the Acess to most Forge

Worlds, only to open it up after a pentied Crusade under there Eyes.

 

Wounded and abandoded by the Mechanicus, they lick there wounds, eagerly on the

search for a remote World as Chapter Estate. Who exactly they enage in relations with the

Rouge Traders is lost in time, or perhaps sealed off in the archive. But soon after that,

they found indeed a remote Human Colonie. Cut off from Major Warp Routes and shielded

behind Stellar Dust and Dense Fields of Asteriods. Forgotten long before the Empire reach

out to the Stars.

 

After etablishing of a Base of Operations they eagerly build Factorys and Ship Yards, even

a new Fortess Moanestry on the Ground. A steady inflow of new Recruits and Supplies,

after less then 100 Years, the first Divison was sent out again to fulfil the will of the

Emperor.

 

In the M36, the Church sized more power day after day. The Chapter saw in it a huge risk

for the future of the Empire. Soon they seek an Audience by the Lord of the Administratum

, the protocolls verify that such a meeting had indeed take place. The Details are unkown

to most, the Chapter was soon a common sight on Crusades witch were supplyed through

the Administratum. Steadly watching the Supplys flow and protecting it. Unlikey for most

Chapters, they act as Officers in the field. Reorganisation and leading various regiments,

which lead to the Nickname: Knights of Scribers.

 

This relationship was a thorn for the Church, which feel ist power dwilling, while they

emphase Logic over blind belive. Later duirng the hot war of both Organisations, a High

Cardinal seeked aid for his World. Through "luckly" circumstances they answerd first the

Call. Founding a Shrine World, ravged by endless Hordes of Demons and Cultists. The CM

denied a order to planetfall and batlleing the Enemey, he declared the World as allready

doomed and proceed a to launch Virus Bombs, quickly subjugate the entire World to death.

 

In despair the High Cardinal, orderd all faithfull remants, to attack the routhless Traitors,

even a battlebarge, was unable to hold the enemy on bay. Soon the Mariens and Crew f

found themselves in a endless Atrition Battle against near endless waves of Zealots. Soon

they lost ground, the sheer mass pushing there lines deeper inside the Ship.

 

The inbounding fleet of the Divison, found the Barge under siege, quickly they overhelmed

the enemy fleet and proceed to board the enemys capital ship. The Churchs Guard where no

problem for the Boarding partys, quickly breaking through. The Cardinal, despearte to

denied them victory, set a false distress call out and broadcast his own death to verify his

claims.

 

Soon after they cleaned up, a entire Chapter reach the System. Follwoing the distress call,

only to found a devasted planet and innocent refuges and church ships crippeld. With

holy fury they launch a attack on the "Traitors. Too there  surprise, the smaller fleet plung

head on inside there own ranks. Quickly they feel to Chaos, unable to operate as unit.

With despair they lost nearly half of there strength in this first clash.

 

Soon they regain some cohesion, they set there eyes on the damaged Barge, which was 

slowy gain distance to them. Such a venerable Ship, they guess, the Enemy would not

abandon. But the Enemy did exactly this, leaving the Ship alone behind. Quickly they

started boarding it. In one aspect they were right, they never intend to abandon it, they

gave it as Bait away. Only with other Defenders, then usally deployed, Terminator Troops

await them, ambush them as they succed in captureing the ship form behind.

 

To add more confusion, as soon as they started boarding with the majority of there Troops.

The Knights quickly attacked there fleet which formed a blockade and suceed in boarding

it. Even a few vessles they sized and used them to attack form inside.

 

After a solar day, the Chapter Master, to his own shame, surrender his roughly 300

remaing men, unable to risk more lives and the Chapters future. Unkown for him,

that they nearly won, only to fail in there last attemp. The Battlebarge, devasted

in and outside, would never see combat again.

 

The current Knights Leader, who adhere to the belive, destroy your enemy now, before

he bite you back later, but before he could destroy them, the Inquistion arrived. Lured in

by the Distress Calls over Demons. He quickly brought both sides to the table.

 

After lengthy deabtes, they found an agrement. The Knights got there Battlebarge as

replacemnt for there own. The sized vessels were added to them as well. With the

Ships they lost a huge part of there Armoury.

 

The Inquistor make clear, that such acts again are forbidden. The knights should clean

up this mess entierly before leaving the sector. Later was reported that the remaining

Chapter got lost in Warp.

 

 

I'm sorry. The story was hard to follow. I think it mostly comes down to the difficulty with the lenguage. I'll try to revisit this part later, and read it more carefully, to comment on it as best I can, but for now, I had to skip some of it.

 

Organisation:

The Chapter strolled away form the Codex, after the desatrous battle among the Forge

World Delta IV. The enemy had use the makrings dictaed by the CA, to priotize killing

Officers and Apothecarii, crippling the Chapter.

 

During the War of the beast, the Chapter introduced new Formations, they fielded

Companny of 50 Men, to ensure a higher Mobility and too spread further there crippeld

forces. Later they formed the entire chapter after it.

 

Usally the Chapter deploy his Divisons alongside ongoing Crusades and Campaings,

mostly they undertook great Strengths, to ensure open Supply Lines, allowing to

continue the Fights.

 

Born out of heavy losses and from there new Homeworld,they see the carefully

management of Human Lives as important. They prefer steady fights with

few but devastaing Strikes. Unnecessary Last Stands or honor driven Battles,

are for others. They let the enemy bleed out, at the End, they remain maybe

not as Victors, but nether as Losers.

 

Winning is fine, but if the price is anhilation, then it isnt worth it, remain

at the End standing, it is the goal.

 

Fist iam sorry for this Format, i write it later new from Scratch, importing out of a Email wasnt my best idea.

 

Lore to add:

Equipment Section built Out

Ship named

Map for both Rhine World and Bit more lore

Heraldy Card

How they joined Indominus Crusade

Polish the tactics

Chapter culture

[gripschi]

Thanks for the the input so far.

 

With the History youre right. The main problem is, i have reworte it recently. Add new things, dont think about the old one.

 

I will fix it up, one thing i saw, i should add Timestamps in the History, should also clear some points.

 

In response to the Homeworld (short summary): I image them to start out on the Ramilies for the next few millenias. Maybe i bound it to the moiare shisma, something like it is becomeing far difficult to maintain it. So they use it as stationary Defense now.

 

 

Again thanks, i will rework, some good points i have now.

[Messor]

If you choose the "Automatic" font color, it will be readable on both desktop and mobile.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

I'm reading this slowly, due to previously mentioned difficulties.

Affiliation: Moiare Adeptus Mechanicus, Rouge Trader Dynasty Nebucanezder,

Adeptus Administratum (sided during AoA), Adeptus Munitorum

"Affiliation" should inform us if this Chapter is loyal to the Imperium, to Chaos, to themselves (i.e., they're renegades who owe no loyalty to those outside the Chapter), to xenos and/or other third parties...

 

"Moiare Adeptus Mechanicus, Rouge Trader Dynasty Nebucanezder,

Adeptus Administratum, Adeptus Munitorum" should be listed as ALLIES. In the Administratum and Munitorum's cases, the organizations' sheer size should make it IMPOSSIBLE for your Chapter to be allied to them in whole- rivalry between various Astra Militarum regiments and their leaders regularly result in them fighting against each other, as the Gaunt's Ghosts novels demonstrate, so it's inevitable certain Munitorum factions will view the Knights as mortal enemies, even as other Munitorum factions view your Chapter as true friends- so you should specify which Administratum factions and Astra Militarum regiments are the Knights' allies.

Battle Cry: For the 11th Goddess! Glory to his Imperial Majesty!

Is the 11th Goddess a reference to Tanya von Degurechaff?

 

Anyways, the Ecclesiarchy recognizes no gods and goddesses besides the Emperor; certain Primarchs may be worshiped as gods on Chapter planets, but even that is barely tolerated, as demonstrated in the Fenris Incident. You should NOT refer to this individual as a "goddess," but as a saint; and reword the battle cry as "For the Emperor and the 11th Saint! Glory to His Immortal Majesty and the Imperium He built!" so the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquisition won't think you're showing the Emperor disrespect by honoring any non-Primarch befor Him (note "He," "Him," and "His" are capitalized when referring to the Emperor, as it is for God in the Bible).

[gripschi]

Hello, First sorry for the Lack of Feedback from me. I had a catch a cold.

 

I have read your answers. I have realized, i got somewhere away from a uniform IA.

 

Therefore, i will go back to drawing Board, correct some stuff and clear my mess Up :).

 

With Godess is indeed a refernce to TtE. With Saint it fit way better in the fluff.

 

With Affiliation, i mean allies, somehow i mess this up.

 

I have a few ideas and corrections, overall i will stick with the current but refine it.

 

Ideas:

The 2 Faction stuff will be removed. Maybe i alter it.

 

To reflect the Knights in the Name, i will edit the Organisation, as refernce i use the German Chapter i guess.

 

Remove the Moiare Part, or at least, find a other reason for a Bad Relation. Maybe the extensive modify of the Rhinos, spoil the mood.

 

The Rouge Traders, will remain, i Like the idea of this. As Well a solution to gain old out of service Ships and Equipment.

 

Adminstraum, they will be formal allies, forged during the AoA. Maybe early they enforce tiths of rebellious planets.

 

To specify, i harbour the idea of accompany the Munitorium Part of it, during Crusades and Campains.

 

With a doctrine of logistical Warfare, they indedd act as Special Ops, but enforce Open Supply Lines and target the enemies.

 

Gene Seed, when i remeber right, its possible that Clean Imperial Fist Seed still exist? With full working Organes.

 

Church, they harbour a mistrust towards tgem. Heated during M36 relegious wars. I Like the Idea, of a War somewhere this time.

 

Why a Homeworld? I Imagine them to start Fleet Based, but loses and missfortune, they seek a Safe remote haven to resuplly.

 

But they should maintain the fromer Idea of Indenpence of the Forces.

 

Stroll from Codex, during there First Battles, they took heavy losses. They alter only the Company size to increase flexibilty.

 

Later they adopt to the new Forces, build a Indenpent second "Division".

 

After a Battle against Part of the Dark Adeptus Mechanicus, they lost many Officers, Apothecarii and Tech Marines, which easy to ident through Markings.

 

Lead the Knights to break further, banish the colur and Markings.

 

So far my ideas for now. I will the Post edit next Week i think.

[gripschi]

Hello,

 

this weekend on work, i have use the time to overhaul the entire IA. With a far better Layout, i think.

 

The Colour of the Post should be readable, i choose the automatic one.

 

Later i will try to add colour, and make it a bit nicer to look at.

_

 

Again thanks for your input so far. Its still a WIP, iam sure i ahve miss some things to add.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

The exact date is lost in time. The few remaining pieces, indicate action during the “War of the Beast”. Contrary to it, the Chapter was officially founded in the aftermath of this disastrous War, as a Crusader Chapter, labeled as Chapter 203 until, a name is chosen. Leading to following Theory:

 

They were indeed in the 4th founding, but their Officer Skeletal, was formed out of surviving Astartes from this time. Which brought there remaining belongings in the newly founded Chapter, leading to pieces of history somewhat alien to them.

Why such a complicated and confusing statement? You can say the Chapter's Librarius has journals from Marines who fought in the War of the Beast, while its Halls of Honor display trophies taken during this war, both evidence contradicting the Administratum's records of when the Chapter was founded.

 

Why the contradiction? Were the original Marines from the disgraced Fists Exemplar Chapter, or even Iron Warriors who fought to defend humanity in that war?

 

Nitpicking, with "[" and "]" highlighting recommended changes:

The exact date is lost in time. The few remaining pieces, indicate action during the “War of the Beast”. Contrary to it, the Chapter was officially founded in the [a]ftermath of this disastrous [w]ar, as a Crusader Chapter, [designated] ["]Chapter 203["] until[ ]a name [was] chosen.

Note I removed the comma between "until" and "a".

They were indeed [of] the 4th [F]ounding, but [with a skeleton crew of surviving Astartes from this time becoming the rebuilt Chapter's officers]. Which brought [their] remaining belongings in the new[ly] founded Chapter, leading to pieces of [h]istory[ ]somewhat alien to them.

I removed the comma between "history" and "somewhat".

They are heirs to the proud loodline of Dorn. [T]hey patrol like [their] [f]orerunners [in] Imperial pace. During there beginning time, they fought many battles against the remnants of the [Orks][,] [l]iberating [w]orlds and bring them back [under] Imperial [r]ule.

I removed the sentence "Gifted with a Ramilies Star Fort," as it's redundant, considering you stated the same in a later paragraph. I also combined the last two sentences into one.

 

Note: "Ork" is the spelling used in Warhammer 40,000. "Orc", with a "c" in place of the "k", is the spelling used in Warhammer Fantasy.

In [remiss] of [their] unknown [o]rigins, they took [a] great [deal] of work[ ]to ensure [an] ongoing [chronicle] of [their] [h]istory[,] [a] [t]radition[ ][that] remain [until] today. [Despite] [their] best efforts, [many records] [were] lost over time[,] due [to] [w]ar, [d]estruction[,] or simple failures.

Note I combined the first two sentences into one.

They [were gifted] [an] old Ramilies tar [f]ort as [a] [m]onastery, equipped with [a] [Dark Age of Technology] [g]enerator, which grant enough [p]ower and function over [millennia] with no need of [maintenance].

Other board members may understand "DAoT" means "Dark Age of Technology," but the Imperial citizens will not; as you're writing this IA from the latter's point-of-view, it's best to spell out such acronyms.

In high [morale] and fever[ish] to burn [their] name in[to] Imperial [h]istory, they seek battle after battle against the [Orks].

"Morale" and "moral" are different things.

Edited October 15, 2019 by Bjorn Firewalker

[gripschi]

 

The exact date is lost in time. The few remaining pieces, indicate action during the “War of the Beast”. Contrary to it, the Chapter was officially founded in the aftermath of this disastrous War, as a Crusader Chapter, labeled as Chapter 203 until, a name is chosen. Leading to following Theory:

 

They were indeed in the 4th founding, but their Officer Skeletal, was formed out of surviving Astartes from this time. Which brought there remaining belongings in the newly founded Chapter, leading to pieces of history somewhat alien to them.

Why such a complicated and confusing statement? You can say the Chapter's Librarius has journals from Marines who fought in the War of the Beast, while its Halls of Honor display trophies taken during this war, both evidence contradicting the Administratum's records of when the Chapter was founded.

 

Why the contradiction? Were the original Marines from the disgraced Fists Exemplar Chapter, or even Iron Warriors who fought to defend humanity in that war?

 

Nitpicking, with "[" and "]" highlighting recommended changes:

The exact date is lost in time. The few remaining pieces, indicate action during the “War of the Beast”. Contrary to it, the Chapter was officially founded in the [a]ftermath of this disastrous [w]ar, as a Crusader Chapter, [designated] ["]Chapter 203["] until[ ]a name [was] chosen.

Note I removed the comma between "until" and "a".

They were indeed [of] the 4th [F]ounding, but [with a skeleton crew of surviving Astartes from this time becoming the rebuilt Chapter's officers]. Which brought [their] remaining belongings in the new[ly] founded Chapter, leading to pieces of [h]istory[ ]somewhat alien to them.

I removed the comma between "history" and "somewhat".

They are heirs to the proud loodline of Dorn. [T]hey patrol like [their] [f]orerunners [in] Imperial pace. During there beginning time, they fought many battles against the remnants of the [Orks][,] [l]iberating [w]orlds and bring them back [under] Imperial [r]ule.

I removed the sentence "Gifted with a Ramilies Star Fort," as it's redundant, considering you stated the same in a later paragraph. I also combined the last two sentences into one.

 

Note: "Ork" is the spelling used in Warhammer 40,000. "Orc", with a "c" in place of the "k", is the spelling used in Warhammer Fantasy.

In [remiss] of [their] unknown [o]rigins, they took [a] great [deal] of work[ ]to ensure [an] ongoing [chronicle] of [their] [h]istory[,] [a] [t]radition[ ][that] remain [until] today. [Despite] [their] best efforts, [many records] [were] lost over time[,] due [to] [w]ar, [d]estruction[,] or simple failures.

Note I combined the first two sentences into one.

They [were gifted] [an] old Ramilies tar [f]ort as [a] [m]onastery, equipped with [a] [Dark Age of Technology] [g]enerator, which grant enough Power and function over [millennia] with no need of [maintenance].

Other board members may understand "DAoT" means "Dark Age of Technology," but the Imperial citizens will not; as you're writing this IA from the latter's point-of-view, it's best to spell out such acronyms.

In high [morale] and fever[ish] to burn [their] name in[to] Imperial [h]istory, they seek battle after battle against the [Orks].

"Morale" and "moral" are different things.

 

 

To be honest, i didnt image a better way to "conclude" there Founding. But your one is far better. I think i will go with it. I like the Idea better then my =)

 

Thanks for the Grammar Corrections, i will inplent them in the near furture.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

More nitpicking:

The Rhine Agra Sector, which [was] spared in the “War of the Beast”,[ ]was now a nearly invaluably asset to supply the [neighboring] ystems with enough [f]ood.

I added a space between "Beast" and "was".

 

Is the "Rhine Agra" a sector, or a star system? The things it "neighbors" should be the same as it, i.e., if it "supplies neighboring systems with enough food," Rhine Agra should be a star system, and vice versa.

 

In elementary school, my teachers considered the use of "got" a sign of casualness, and consequently, poor manners and education; you should also avoid it in an IA.

Due a immense lack [of] [armed] forces and ongoing [f]ighting, the World was reinforced with second[-]string Imperial [Guard] [r]egiments and outdated and green Navy [fleets].

IIRC, the Imperial Army was separated into the Imperial Guard (commanding all ground forces) and Imperial Navy (commanding all aerospace forces and Warp-capable ships) after the Horus Heresy.

Unable to cope with increasing [Ork] [r]aids, they cried for help. The first to arrive [were] the 203rd Astartes Chapter. In a [risky] attack, they retook the [o]rbital [d]ocks, but soon it should be a failure, with more resistance and a lack of [supplies], the Astartes were soon in Close Combat. After[ ][retreating] [from] battle, the fleet destroyed the [d]ocks, preventing the [Orks] [from] [using] it. Due to [their] tar [f]ort, they [managed] to hold superiority in the Void[,] ut[ ]were unable to fully intercept all [aerospace] [craft] [before the latter] [made] [planetfall].

I rewrote "After a retreat battle," as "After retreating from battle," and combined the last two sentences into one, with "But they were unable to fully intercept all Crafts which make a planet fall," rewritten as "but were unable to fully intercept all aerospace craft before the latter made planetfall." I also made "planetfall" one word instead of two.

Soon a bloody [w]ar on the [g]round [was waged, the once-mobile Astartes now forced to engage in] trench [w]arfare along the huge River Rhine. Under huge [l]osses they managed to stop the nvasion[,] and hold out[ ]until [r]einforcement arrived.

Note I rewrote "Soon a bloody War on the Ground emerged from a mobile battle, to a trench Warfare" as "Soon a bloody war on the ground was waged, the once-mobile Astartes now forced to engage in trench warfare", and relocated the comma from after the word "out" to after "invasion".

 

Why is the word "Rhine" reused for the sector, a planet within it, and river on the planet itself? It seems overly repetitive.

Edited October 18, 2019 by Bjorn Firewalker

[gripschi]

Thanks again.

The overuse of Rhine is a good Hint. I think i go with the River alone.

With Star System, Sector vice versa, you have a valid point. I rework that too.

That the use of "got" is poor manners is new. But my Englisch Teacher, was usallly half of the year sick. I am afraid that some basics, still didnt Made it in my head.

 

Edit:

 

I have implemnt your corrections so far.

 

To your Question with Fist Exemplars and Iron Warriors.

 

I dont intent to go on the Rail of Traitor Geneseed. The Chapter is definitely a Sucessor of the Imperial Fists (wich was my first Chapter, in Wh40k i liked most, its a bit a sentimental choice).

 

The Fist Exemplars (which i didnt know until now), is a very intersting choice, which i maybe took.

 

I have the Idea, of Pure IF Gene seed, is found along the Star Fort.

Edited October 16, 2019 by gripschi

[gripschi]

Just a short Life sign :)

 

I add in the next days new stuff. Around 2000 Words. I feel Like, i Put togehter slowy all it need.

 

I expand the Recruitment Process, along with Equipment and some Things Here and there.

 

A New Battle, where i Pick Up the Church.

 

I Work Out a WIP Relations Part. I assume i rework it later, for the Moment it is a rough Idea.

 

Still i need to adress the Point regarding the Star Fort and Home System.

 

For the second one, i maybe go as addition with it, a concept from the Last Trisolaris Book. A Star System Coverd in a Black Hole.

 

Which i Lack complety at the Moment are "Important Persona". I have few ideas, but nothing written down.

[gripschi]

Update is Live.

 

Iam sure there are new typos inside, sorry for that, i have try to avoid them as much i can. (Sadly i guess it is still not enough)

 

Few things still need atention:

 

Star Fort, Indominus Crusade, a Enemy Section, Persona Important,

 

Besides this, most should inside now, leading slowy to a full (but not finsihed Draft).

 

Greetinmgs and Thank for Critic and Questions

[gripschi]

Short Lifesing from me.

 

I Update the IA next Week, in my free time in Work i reworked many Details.

 

Add a first Draft for Home World Culture. Equipment is on the List.

 

Iam currently thinking about the Ramilies Star Fort, i tend to change it to a Capital Ship like the Sidonia (from Knights of Sidonia) or more Like Atlantis (Stargate) for Example.

 

A good New YEAR from me to all of you.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Ok, I have two immediate comments that I can bang out without having read too far into it.

 

Apologies, my feral kids are going, well, feral this morning.

 

One, the formatting. I understand it may have been different before, but the font choice and size is irritating to read. Despite what some might say, formatting matters quite a lot to how easy your work is to read. I like the standard formatting that the B&C has, and at least until you're happy and finished, I'd stick with it.

 

Two, the Rhine. The more real world-places and names you put in your IA, the harder you make it for the reader to suspend their disbelief. Now, it is conceivable and possible that there is another world with a river also named the Rhine, but in an age where the older countries, continents and peoples on Terra have been forgotten and misremembered over the millennia, it seems unlikely that a simple name for a landmark would survive intact and recognizable to us now. Doubly so for the DaoT, Age of Strife and then all poor imperial record keeping afterwards.

 

It's not that it's impossible, it's just that that link to our real world pulls me right out of your work as 40k related and slams me back into the real world. That's not what you want.

 

I'll try to actually read more later. When my kids are placated, or imprisoned, either way.

[gripschi]

Ok, I have two immediate comments that I can bang out without having read too far into it.

 

Apologies, my feral kids are going, well, feral this morning.

 

One, the formatting. I understand it may have been different before, but the font choice and size is irritating to read. Despite what some might say, formatting matters quite a lot to how easy your work is to read. I like the standard formatting that the B&C has, and at least until you're happy and finished, I'd stick with it.

 

Two, the Rhine. The more real world-places and names you put in your IA, the harder you make it for the reader to suspend their disbelief. Now, it is conceivable and possible that there is another world with a river also named the Rhine, but in an age where the older countries, continents and peoples on Terra have been forgotten and misremembered over the millennia, it seems unlikely that a simple name for a landmark would survive intact and recognizable to us now. Doubly so for the DaoT, Age of Strife and then all poor imperial record keeping afterwards.

 

It's not that it's impossible, it's just that that link to our real world pulls me right out of your work as 40k related and slams me back into the real world. That's not what you want.

 

I'll try to actually read more later. When my kids are placated, or imprisoned, either way.

One: i wrote the IA in a WPS Sheet. I will adress the formating in the near Future. Maybe i find a blanko or so.

 

Tow: I know, but as far my memory reach,Rhine is the only "Real World" Name i use. Which remain as Chapter and River Name

 

But why coldnt the River be named Rhine? I dont say that they know why IT IS named Rhine. It is just the River Rhine.

 

To be honest, i didnt understand your "catapult Out". Many IA based losley on Real World Cultures and utilize Names.

 

My thoughts to your reply.

 

Greetings

[Marshal Rohr]

Rhine etymologically approximates 'that which flows', so perhaps a word that encompasses that same meaning?

[gripschi]

Rhine etymologically approximates 'that which flows', so perhaps a word that encompasses that same meaning?

Hmh, thats a good Idea. Maybe i tie it, that Rhine is the Short form.

 

Iam Not Sure that it is in the next Update, but i will remember this Idea.

[Brother Lunkhead]

Sorry, I'm late to dinner on this one But, so much to read and so little time. I did a quick readthrough and I like what I see so far. I'll do a more careful read this week and try to give you a more thorough and thoughtful critique later.

 

On the subject of your chapter's name and the river Rhine battle, I don't see any real problem here. The planet could have been settled during the age of great expansion during the golden (dark) age of technology by nostalgic minded folk from that part of Old Earth. We humans are often attached to old names and places. Here in the U.S. of A. just to name a few places: New York, New Hampshire, Rome (I can't tell you how many places big and small are named Rome). So I say staying with Rhine is fine

 

Should you feel at all uncomfortable about it, you might consider just changing the spelling a bit.... Rine, Rhyne, Ryne, Ryn,..... you get my point. Or, maybe Rhine..... just a thought

 

Even though your grammar is a bit rough, your meaning comes across just fine. I would suggest you concentrate on the subject matter for now and we can help you smooth out the rough edges of grammar at the end. I completely empathize with English being a second language for you. I think you're doing an amazing job, so don't worry about it.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Rhine is spelled "Rhenus" in Latin, "Rhein" in German (it's Rheinmetall's namesake), "Ren" in Polish, "Reno" in Italian, "Reyn" in Turkish...

 

I'm sure you can use one of the spellings found when reading the Wikipedia article in other languages.

[gripschi]

Rhine etymologically approximates 'that which flows', so perhaps a word that encompasses that same meaning?

 

 

Sorry, I'm late to dinner on this one But, so much to read and so little time. I did a quick readthrough and I like what I see so far. I'll do a more careful read this week and try to give you a more thorough and thoughtful critique later.

 

On the subject of your chapter's name and the river Rhine battle, I don't see any real problem here. The planet could have been settled during the age of great expansion during the golden (dark) age of technology by nostalgic minded folk from that part of Old Earth. We humans are often attached to old names and places. Here in the U.S. of A. just to name a few places: New York, New Hampshire, Rome (I can't tell you how many places big and small are named Rome). So I say staying with Rhine is fine

 

Should you feel at all uncomfortable about it, you might consider just changing the spelling a bit.... Rine, Rhyne, Ryne, Ryn,..... you get my point. Or, maybe Rhine..... just a thought

 

Even though your grammar is a bit rough, your meaning comes across just fine. I would suggest you concentrate on the subject matter for now and we can help you smooth out the rough edges of grammar at the end. I completely empathize with English being a second language for you. I think you're doing an amazing job, so don't worry about it.

 

 

Rhine is spelled "Rhenus" in Latin, "Rhein" in German (it's Rheinmetall's namesake), "Ren" in Polish, "Reno" in Italian, "Reyn" in Turkish...

 

I'm sure you can use one of the spellings found when reading the Wikipedia article in other languages.

 

I like your Ideas. They will get in some form implement later. I think i go with High and Low Gothic Names., there i can adress it further i guess.

 

The Name Rhine did i like out of several Reasons, i like his historical meaning in Peace and War, iam a Fan of Tanya the Evil. So i have choosen it to incoperate it. Along with my faszination over Knights.

____

 

Besides that, i have inseret the Update, i have formated it a bit, hopefully it is good to read. A proper Formating will follow later.

 

I have reworked many Parts, mostly Equipment and add a Home World Culture. The other Parts get mostly minor Changes.

 

For help with Failures and Problems, i say thanks in advance.

 

Greetings

[gripschi]

Some Life Sing. I Run in a Kind of Blockade. Many Ideas and still unable to bring them down.

 

Currently i will redo them partly. I Image to rework there Training and Homeworld a bit.

 

The Homeworld get the 3 Factions removed. Honestly iam Not satisfied with it.

 

Current Idea is to remain the Star Dwellers and replace the Planet Population with a Feudal State System similiar to Europe. There i can embrace Castles, Castles and Castles :).

 

The Star Dwellers should still trade "Technolgy" for Food and Goods. Only the richtest posess a few Laser Weapons.

 

The Planet Moanestery is the only Heavy Industry Place there.

 

The Knightly Theme will remain but reduced, i try to embrace a more Military Theme, with it as a Framework.

 

The Lance System will Swap with Mixed Training Companys. Like Millitary do it.

 

I try to introduce a New Unit, Lancer. They ride on Bikes with Something Like Melta Spears. Specialized in Anti-Armour and Harrasment Tactics.

 

The other Chapter from me, get His Attention later. They will adapt from my Knights here after the Rework.