Jump to content

Bloodied Hydra


Schlitzaf
 Share

Recommended Posts

(Splintered off from Dalthus Crusade)

It was almost a two century ago, before the return of the Primarch, when as Chaplain Marius of the Black Templars, with my two students the Twin Marshalls, Marshall Schlitzaf Iuris and Castallen-Marshall Geof Iuris led an effort to retake the Calaxis Sector for the Imperium. In my delusions I believed in him, I believed he could lead us to victory.

 

We fought bravely, retaking the Worlds that become the Templar V. But it was at the peak of our success, on the Hive World of Clove...yes it was Clove. On Clove I stormed the breach with my closest brothers to finally slay the enemy and win the World for the Imperium. It all went wrong...everything went wrong.

 

Left out stranded and alone with my brothers I lasted weeks perhaps months awaiting my fellow Angels of Death rescue. Then when in the dead of night, rescue arrived I leapt over overjoyed. Had I known it was the Marines of Hydra I might not been so eager.

 

The Marines of Hydra, 36 it was, alongside some foul warp denizens, overtook and captured my 18 brothers and I after a fierce night of battle. Taking us in Chains to their fortress, we were subjected to several years of torture.

 

They tried to convince us, convince me, that He, the Father of our Father, was a false God. A Corpse God. I told him of the Living Saints, the Primarchs and more, the Light of his Soul shining a light through the darkness. Yet he persisted, if he was a God how did he fail?

 

Why did nine of those closest to him leave his side. Why did he end up as a corpse on the throne. Why did despite the success of my Brothers and I, have we failed to retake Calaxis and expand beyond the Templar 5? Where we not His Angel's of Death?

 

Then I broke. I broke, and realized the truth. The real truth he was mortal. But the Marines of Hydra lied as well. Their Gods, were false, everything they did, He had done as well. They created beings of the chaos aether, raised men to god hood, yet the spectral servants the Damned Legion, the Living Saint and more. Were they not formed the chaos aether it is said? Given strength to match the power of Gods? And yet the armies Chaos lost, Horus felled at Terra. If they were Gods, and Emperor was not, why did Horus and their servants fail? Because they are no Gods. They are simple beings of great stature and foolish wisdom who dare to call themselves Gods. There are no Gods.

 

That is the Truth, I have learned and that We must spread Brothers, from the Eye to Terra. There are No Gods..

 

-----------------

Marius after his 'conversion' would join the Cult of Bloodied Iron, and would aid the Marines of Hydra in their various schemes. But as he and former Templars did, they were aghast at the sheer thought that of serving another false God.

 

As Cult and Marines of Hydra worked to disstabilize Calaxis more and the Cult after a decisive defeat at Guytoga went underground to rebuild. Here the Marines of Hydra revealed that their second stage had come. Their works have finally caught the notice of the patron and the finest of their number would receive the reward for their service.

 

The Marines of Hydra and Templar Veritas (as Marius and the former Black Templars now refer to themselves as) stood vigil as both Marius and Shadow-Speaker Arius were chosen. The former Templar and the Heretic Astartes walked, Marius fuming at this 'honor' in secret.

 

The two Marines each received a mutation, Marius replacing his left arm with a claw like a bird talon, and the Arius right arm became infused with warp magic. Enabling him to channel warp energies without needing a focus tool.

 

The century would drag on, Marius building his power base to stage a revolution within the Cult to free it from its False-God. The arrival of the Primaris, finally gave Marius the means to begin his revolution and means to spread his truth...

-----------------

Characters (WIP)

Marius - The head of the Cult of Bloodied Hydra after his victory over, Marine of Hydra Chaos Lord Gaius. His beliefs are hinged on the concept of if the Emperor is a False God but can perform Miracles Similar to the Chaos Gods, are the Chaos Gods not instrinctically false themselves?

 

Marius still believes he is loyal to the 'Imperium' despite having fallen. He believes once the people realize the Truth, they will turn and begin to solve their own problems. Armed with a deadly mutated Talon, he leads his Cult on the battlefield. He has begun experimenting on creating personal Daemons, little more than lesser ones. But he hopes by doing so he can prove that the Gods are fake.

 

Arazi Kloat - Marius Second and the one in charge of his master immortality. Before he was turned, he was Marius standard bearer. A Reclusiam Ancient, as he carried the heraldry of Marius onto the battlefield.

 

Upon becoming a Chaos Marine, his own physic potential has been realized previously buried due to the Black Templar belief system. Arazi will copy a portion of Marius will into another, effectively cloning him. If this true immortality or otherwise is unknown. But Marius places a lot of trust into the sorcerer...

 

Arius -

Gaius Sena-

Edited by Schlitzaf
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 5 months later...

Hopefully you put this here for opinions, suggestions or other help. I have had a read and a bit of a tweak. I have put a line through anything I would cut, in brackets is me adding or suggesting. Hopefully it helps. 

 

It was almost a two century (two centuries) ago, (remove comma add -) before the return of the Primarch (which Primarch? What time is this set in?) (remove comma add -) when as Chaplain Marius of the Black Templars, with (and) my two students the Twin Marshalls, Marshall Schlitzaf Iuris and Castallen-Marshall Geof Iuris ((both former Neophytes of mine)) led an effort to retake the Calaxis Sector for the Imperium. In my delusions I believed in him,(remove comma, add full stop) I believed he could lead us to victory.
We (what rank is your character? ‘We’ suggests he was there, but if the Twin Marshalls are his former students and were leading the attack with the Chaplain, what was this guy doing?) fought bravely, retaking the Worlds that become (became) the Templar V. But it was at the peak of our success, on the Hive World of Clove (, where everything went wrong)...yes it was Clove. On Clove I stormed the breach with my closest brothers to finally slay the enemy and win the World for the Imperium. It all went wrong...everything went wrong.

(We had just won the world for the Imperium. My brothers and I stormed the breach on Clove, casting down those who had brought tyranny to the world and swiftly restoring it to Imperial rule. Yet before we had even occupied the planet, it had been forgotten)
(My brothers and I were left stranded. Perhaps it was months; years. The colonists never arrived, our fleet never returned) Left out stranded and alone with my brothers I lasted weeks perhaps months awaiting my fellow Angels of Death rescue. Then when in the dead of night, rescue arrived (, we were) I leapt over overjoyed (perhaps a less strong emotion? This is a Space Marine talking). Had I known it was the Marines of Hydra I might not been so eager. (You should cut this last sentence – do not mention the Marines of the Hydra by name like this, it ruins the story – foreshadowing is the way to go. Hint but don’t specify).
The Marines of Hydra, 36 it was, alongside some foul warp denizens, overtook and captured my 18 brothers and I after a fierce night of battle. Taking us in Chains to their fortress, we were subjected to several years of torture.
They tried to convince us, convince me, that He, the Father of our Father, was a false God. A Corpse God. I told him of the Living Saints, the Primarchs and more, the Light of his Soul shining a light through the darkness. Yet he persisted, if he was a God how did he fail?
Why did nine of those closest to him leave his side. Why did he end up as a corpse on the throne. Why did despite the success of my Brothers and I, have we failed to retake Calaxis and expand beyond the Templar 5? Where we not His Angel's of Death?

(Personally I would rewrite this whole bit – I feel like just telling them this stuff would not break them for a start. I am assuming your bad guys are related to the Alpha Legion? What if they appeared as friends who had come to rescue them, but claimed they had to make sure they had not been tainted during their time on the planet. Basically, your character is told he has to be held prisoner until they complete tests to confirm they are fit and stable. But what they think is helping them, is actually torture. The tests are causing them to have visions of the past, the Emperor, his sons and their Chapter. Yet they are different. The failure of the Emperor, the loss of his sons, the weakness of the Imperium, all becomes clear. He fights it at first, but if the Emperor truly is a god, why does he not stop it? Why has he failed? Your character might even build a relationship with the ‘Chaplain’ tell him his visions, that he believes he is falling. At first, he thinks he wants the Chaplain’s help to return to the light, but then he gradually turns away from him. He becomes paranoid, he knows the Chaplain is spreading lies and fears his brothers will no longer accept him for trying to tell them the truth. Eventually he snaps and kills the Chaplain, then tells the rest of the Space Marines he has freed them. They attack him, and he easily fights them off and escapes – all part of the plan – only to be captured by a different group of Space Marines. Of course the ship he is help on looks almost identical to where he had just fled, yet he does not notice…)

Then I broke. I broke, and realized the truth. The real truth he was mortal. But the Marines of Hydra lied as well. Their Gods, were false, everything they did, He had done as well. They created beings of the chaos aether, raised men to god hood, yet the spectral servants the Damned Legion, the Living Saint and more. Were they not formed the chaos aether it is said? Given strength to match the power of Gods? And yet the armies Chaos lost, Horus felled at Terra. If they were Gods, and Emperor was not, why did Horus and their servants fail? Because they are no Gods. They are simple beings of great stature and foolish wisdom who dare to call themselves Gods. There are no Gods.
That is the Truth, I have learned and that We must spread Brothers, from the Eye to Terra. There are No Gods..

 

Going to work on the second part now...

Edited by Apostle of the 30th Host
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.