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For some reason, I felt compelled to create the most pathetic Space Marine Chapter EVER, hoping to inspire 4chan to make them the new Pretty Marines. Here goes! NAME: "Grim Knights of Grimm Nights" is the official name; it's written on our underwear. "Grimm Knights of Grim Nights", "Grim Nights of Grimm Knights", and "Grimm Nights of Grim Knights" are common typos. Seriously, what the hell was the First Chapter Master thinking, when he chose so confusing a name? PRIMARCH: Unknown. The Grim Knights of Grimm Nights have claimed to be descendants of each and every one of the Primarchs, at various phases in its history; but the Dark Angels, White Scars, Space Wolves, Imperial Fists, Blood Angels, Iron Hands, Ultramarines, Salamanders, Raven Guard, and all their Successor Chapters deny any bonds of blood with the Grim Knights. GENE-SEED: Ah, you heard of us? From other First Founding Chapters? Oh, happy day, to know our brothers, whoever they are, have acknowledged...! Wait, their records state our gene-seed has degenerated, leaving us no stronger, faster, better, or harder than an unaugmented human? That is a lie! We are Astartes, with the same strength, speed, superiority, and durability as any other Marine! Prove it, how? Crush this monkey skull with my bare hands? Fine, just you watch, I am going to crush it! Just you... Ahhhh! The bone fragments cut my hand! FOUNDING: Second. Hey, Marines in these colors appeared during that time, so the Grim Knights must be of that Founding. What do you mean there were others? The Grey Knights? The Fists Exemplar?! Impossible, the Grim Knights of Grimm Nights are the first and only...! SYMBOL: A white skull... Actually, it's just the Codex symbol designating a Marine who serves a role in the Command squad, worn on the left pauldron. The First Chapter Master had no imagination. COLORS: The gray of bare ceramite. Apothecaries, Chaplains, Librarians, and Techmarines are identified via the color of their pauldrons; they ceased painting their entire suits in the Codex-mandated colors, after this led their battle-brothers to misidentify and then shoot at them, early in the Chapter's history. Chapter Masters have ordered the Chapter to adopt new colors, only for his successor to reverse the orders, due to... SPECIALTY: Hit and run... I think. We charge towards our enemies, point our fingers and shout, "Bang!" to make them flee for their lives. That suffices in one percent of our encounters with hostile forces; in the other 99 percent, the other side will actually shoot at us, and make us flee for our lives. I wish we could afford some boltshells- we would win more often if we could shoot at our enemies- but the Chapter suffered devastating losses in the War of the Beast, and has yet to recover. Any chance you can get us a strike cruiser or ten, maybe even a battle barge? You have to justify your expenses, or the Lord Inquisitor will punish you for wasting the resources of His Immortal Majesty's Most Holy...? BATTLE CRY: We have a battle cry? I mean, "Fight, fight, fight!" No, Brother Largo, "Go for the beer!" is unacceptable as an Astartes battle cry, as it is...! BELIEFS: "To serve the Emperor and His Imperium, like any other of His servants, is the highest honor," according to our current Chapter Master. So please, fellow servants of the Emperor, give us some love and attention! HOMEWORLD: Grimm, a heavily forested planet in Segmentum Obscurus... Wait, it's in Ultima Segmentum now? Are you sure you didn't misread the star charts? What opportunity are you seeking? "Yoink human and material resources from right under the Ultramarines' noses"? "No one will notice"? Are you sure...? Wait, someone has noticed! Flee, flee for our lives! Abandon the thieves and let them pay the price for their own crimes! Anyways, Grimm is a heavily forested planet, with freshwater oceans covering 50% of the planet's surface, allowing its human- and Astartes- inhabitants to subsist on farming, hunting, lumber, and fishing. Those outside the Chapter, maintain a technology level equivalent to that of Holy Terra during 800.M2, with small steam engines and flintlock firearms in common use. The equator has a giant volcano named "Be Careful What You Wish For", which now smokes where the Chapter's first fortress-monastery once stood; please do not ask about it. Grimm has a moon, named "Mother Goose" for the strip mines on its surface, which resemble feathers when viewed from the planetary surface. The Chapter has a shipyard there; after we lost our fleet and our first fortress-monastery, we rebuilt the shipyard into a keep, named, "Sweet Home II". It is very cramped in here- I have to choose between sleeping in my armor, or sleeping atop my armor like it is the galaxy's most uncomfortable futon, as no one has quarters big enough for both a bed and an armor stand- but it is home, just like we named it. RECRUITMENT: The Chapter operates 90 unarmed shuttles, in addition to ten gunships. When a Grim Knights Company needs to recruit and replace its losses, an unarmed shuttle will be painted white, with the words "FREE CANDY!!!" in black block letters on its sides; its crewmen will paint their armor in bright colors. This shuttle will then land near Grimm's human settlements; the crew will attempt to entice children onboard, for abduction and transport to the Sweet Home II. FLEET: The Grim Knights currently operate ten space doggers- is that not a cool name? The space doggers are 440-meter-long Warp-capable trawlers, designed to land on water, pull trawl nets, and process the catch in their onboard canneries; they financially sustain the Chapter. We got a good deal from Rogue Trader Yankee, getting ten ships for ten suits of Terminator armor. Warships? Well, we painted the cranes to look like lances, to scare off pirates; though our best defense is to flee for our lives. Fight the pirates? We can barely afford any boltshells! I am frequently forced to shout, "Bang!" instead of actually shooting anything, and I am a Captain! How are the 50 Marines aboard each trawler, supposed to fight?! Captain Sinistral tried using harsh words to hurt the pirates' feelings, only to get his butt kicked! Yes, Captain Sinistral was an Astartes, what did that have to do with the fight?! You want to know about the ships we were assigned at the Founding? Well, we had a battle barge and nine strike cruisers; we lost them all in the War of the Beast, and the Adeptus Mechanicus refused to replace them. Inquisitor Gerfotton Long demanded and received access to records held aboard the Rogue Trader vessel Pride of the Yankees. According to an entry in Zephyr Yankee's journal, dated 707.M34, the space doggers were exchanged for the Grim Knights' remaining suits of Terminator armor, which were resold to wealthy collectors in Segmentum Obscurus. Zephyr Yankee also provided contact information for the forge world of Hartford, expecting the Grim Knights to sail there so the space doggers may be refitted as gunboats; no further entries mention the new Chapter fleet. Inquisitor Long suspected the Grim Knights' poverty was the reason the Chapter failed to reacquire warships; during his time with the Marines, he noted they were more concerned with earning what they described as "beer money," avoiding battles they deemed unprofitable. The Imperium was fortunate the Grim Knights did not resort to piracy, as the Marines repeatedly demonstrated a cowadice that would make them difficult to pin down and eradicate. HISTORY: The history of the Grim Knights of Grimm Nights is one ignored, overlooked, and outright forgotten, despite the Marines' efforts to draw attention and win fame- even infamy, as when they claimed to be "secretly descended from one of the Unknown Primarchs" in an attempt to appear "mysterious" a millennium before the Age of Apostasy. The Grim Knights have garrisoned Grimm since the Great Scouring. The Chapter claims it lacks records for how this came to be; during my time there, I suggested to various Grim Knights the Chapter conquered the planet during the Great Crusade, seized it from another faction during the Horus Heresy, was entrusted with it for safekeeping, or was given it in payment for some service, only for the listeners to shrug and say, "Eh, maybe." (The Grim Knights' apathy towards this critical phase of their own history, infuriates me.) The planet's human inhabitants lack any records older than 2000 years old, as their low technology level allows the ink with which they write records, and the paper on which these are written, to fade and rot away. The Chapter attempted to return to the limelight during the War of the Beast, sending its entire fleet towards Holy Terra, only to lose the ships in the Warp, making no contribution to the Imperium's eventual victory. The Grim Knights who stayed behind to garrison Grimm, held a "contest of fortitude and strength" in which each Chapter Master candidate for the position would drink a half-liter measure of beer before arm wrestling another candidate, repeating these actions until they determined a winner. Tryhard Cork won the contest, and promotion from Sergeant to Chapter Master. Cork's first order as Chapter Master, was to rebuild the Chapter fleet- within a fortnight, disregarding the fact a fully equipped and supplied shipyard required years of work to build a frigate, to say nothing of strike cruisers and battle barges several times a frigate's size. The Adeptus Mechanicus was unwilling or unable to answer Chapter Master- who disregarded the time required to send and receive astropathic communications- so Cork decided to perform a "luck boosting" ritual and "wish" for the lost ships' return. The Chapter's remaining records stated the ritual involved binge drinking; I suspect forbidden Warpcraft and the involvement of Warp entities, as Warp energy emanates from the volcano that erupted within the Grim Knights' first fortress-monastery. Cork, the Grim Knights' senior officers, and the fortress-monastery were destroyed when a space hulk composed of the Chapter fleet's shipwrecks, crashed into them, creating the volcano the surviving Marines named "Be Careful What You Wish For" as a reminder. Subsequently, the greater Imperium forgot the Grim Knights; the only ones who even remembered the Chapter planet, were Rogue Traders of the Yankee dynasty, who sold the planet's lumber, fish and game offworld, in exchange for mundane goods the relatively primitive human inhabitants considered rare luxuries. In M35, the Grim Knights convinced the Rogue Traders to provide space doggers with which to form a new Chapter fleet and, in Grim Knights Captain Siggebt Serlo's words, "Set sail for adventure! And hopefully, some attention. Oh, and beer money! We cannot forget the beer money!" If the cowardice the Grim Knights demonstrated now was any indication, the Marines likely avoided fighting any glorious battles that could have won them the attention they desired from the Imperium and its enemies, forcing the Chapter to languish in obscurity. Its members resorted to claiming, "The Grim Knights are secretly descended from one of the Unknown Primarchs," when other Chapters asked for their identities; in Captain Serlo's words, "That made us mysterious, and people want to know more about us!" This desperate attempt to draw attention- even in the form of an Inquisitorial investigation- ended when Inquistor Ronan Allenson laughed in then Chapter Master Yiell James' face, before ordering, "Stop wasting the precious time of His Immortal Majesty's Most Holy Inquisition." During the Age of Apostasy, the Grim Knights lost nine Chapter Masters in nine years, due to a shameful act the Chapter refused to acknowledge or even remember; I discovered this by chance, as the papers on which this secret history was written, were stored in a refresher, apparently for use as toilet tissue. (To avoid alerting my hosts, I told the Grim Knights I was replacing the tissues they used, with a brand that would not irritate my skin. The Marines expressed no doubt toward my motivations, suggesting they were gullible fools- or skilled actors, directing me towards false evidence to discredit me- I find these possibilities equally disturbing.) In M36, Grim Knights Chapter Master Ward Matthias claimed, "The Chapter was secretly Founded with Traitor gene-seed." As it was fashionable to claim a "shameful past" for which one must "make restitution" during the Age of Apostasy, Chapter Master Matthias likely wished to appear "edgy," and draw attention. The first to answer such claims was the Emperor's Children warband "Emperor's Bollocks", which attempted to make the Grim Knights worship the same false god as its members; this attempt ended when Chapter Master Matthias attempted to "get the ultimate high" of what I assume is the false god's regard, by inserting an atomic artillery shell into his large intestine; the shell detonated, killed the Chapter Master, destroyed his command squad and the Emperor's Bollocks warband. The Grim Knights promoted Goto Cassern from Lieutenant to Chapter Master. Cassern did not rescind his predecessor's claims, possibly due to lack of interest; the former Vanguard Veteran's journals expressed no interest in anything but multilasers, which he forced upon the Chapter, despite the weapon not being included in a Codex Chapter's armory, making Marines unfamiliar with their use and maintenance. When the Iron Warriors warband "Blades of Ruin" launched a slave raid against Grimm, Chapter Master Cassern challenged the enemy warlord to single combat, WIP