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NAME: Pansyfish. PRIMARCH: Disputed. The Pansyfish claim Roboute Guilliman is their father; but there are persistent rumors the Chapter was founded with Emperor's Children, Death Guard, World Eaters, or some chimeric fusion of the Traitor Legions' gene-seed. FOUNDING: 21st (M35). SYMBOL: A pink and purple blowfish on a black background. COLORS: Pink with purple polka dots. Veterans often adorn their armor with purple spikes in place of the dots, to imitate the blowfish that is the Chapter symbol; this makes their silhouettes resemble that of the Traitor Marines who are rumored to be the Pansyfish's brothers. Officers are identified not with an iron halo, but with a “Lord Baby,” an auramite belt buckle housing a conversion field generator; the buckle bears an infant Primarch’s face, to draw the Emperor's gaze upon the wearer. BATTLE CRY: "Make them choke!" The Pansyfish Chapter adopted as its namesake a pink-and-purple blowfish species that is considered a delicacy-- not due to its taste, but due to its many toxic organs, which make a difficult and time-consuming task of preparing the fish for human consumption. Indeed, Initiates will knowingly consume these toxic organs to "test themselves" as a rite-of-entry into the Chapter, and again when they are honored for merit and valor, promoted, accept others into their ranks-- and recently, crossed the Rubicon Primaris. In battle, the Marines will throw themselves at the enemy, determined to "Make them choke on their own blood, the way a mortal man chokes when he ingests pansyfish toxin," in Pansyfish Gutsy Major Biribiri Herrington's words. Indeed, the Marines find close combat so alluring, Veterans will spray pansyfish venom onto their armor, using the spikes adorning their suits as weapons. Monodominant Inquisitors-- most notably Inquisitor Philippos Westboro Baptiste of the Ordo Hereticus, who survived multiple battles against Chaos Space Marine warbands, and held special enmity towards those of the Emperor's Children-- have claimed the use of such colors and such rites are evidence the Pansyfish are the Traitor Primarchs Fulgrim or Mortarion's sons– a claim that will enrage the Pansyfish, inciting great violence that, in turn, fuels rumors they are the Traitor Primarch Angron's sons. The High Lords of Terra have been reluctant to investigate these claims since the Pansyfish canceled plans to divert three companies from a campaign against Waaagh! Dubya, to aid Imperial forces during the Badab War, as they refused to fight beside Baptiste after the Inquisitor so grievously insulted their honor. As Red Scorpions Chapter Master Carab Culln, Lord Commander of Imperial forces during the Badab War, said in confidence to his Minotaurs counterpart, "His foolishness denied us additional forces with which we could have defeated the traitors 69 Terran days earlier, according to my war council's calculations," when the latter asked why the Red Scorpions frigates escorting Baptiste’s battleship as the latter spearheaded an attack on an enemy fortress world, failed to match the Inquisitorial ship's speed and shield Baptiste from orbital defenses, resulting in the Inquisitor's death. HOMEWORLDS: The Pansyfish primarily recruit from three planets in the Amaterasu star system: the “blue world” of Dakuwanga, the “black world” of the Fukumi asteroid field, and the “red world” of Anzack. The newfound Chapter's Marines accompanied Rogue Trader Nico Nikodouga when the latter discovered the star system in M36, allowing the Pansyfish to claim a portion of its material and human resources; in exchange, the Chapter defends the Nikodouga dynasty’s in-system interests. Instead of a single Fortress-Monastery, the Chapter operates six castle-sized trawlers on Dakuwanga, which serve as mobile Company Keeps, patrol the planet’s waters, and process fish into the Marines’ rations; and three Company Keeps with integral space elevators linking them to equatorial star forts, on Anzack. THE “BLUE WORLD” of Dakuwanga is the second planet from the star. Named after a mythical shark god, this aquatic world’s fish, seaweed, and plankton are exported to sustain other worlds in-system. The arctic and antarctic continents are both too small to accommodate much more than the 480,000 people working at each of the Adeptus Mechanicus operated titanium mines, geothermal generatoria, and ground stations for the space elevators linking the world to its polar star forts. Dakuwangan colonists are concentrated on the thousands of islands ringing the equator-- it is impossible to know the exact number, as volcanic activity will sink an island, only to raise new ones in its place-- forcing the inhabitants to sail in search of a new home, and to fight each other if accomodations cannot be made. As the islanders cannot mine metal without destroying their own food sources, they make arms and armor from animal skins, bones, and teeth, reinforced with wood and plant fibers; notable examples include the the “tewinnarei,” a wooden sword with embedded shark teeth forming its cutting edge, which lends its name to chainswords and chainfists; and the “te barantauti,” a helmet made from pansyfish skin, which lends its spiny silhouette to the adamantium helm a Pansyfish Chaplain wears in place of his Codex counterpart’s skull helm. The islanders worship the Emperor as “Ndengei,” God of Creation and Destruction, who rules from “Fiji”-- a mountain range in Holy Terra’s Pacific region, from whose people the colonists claim descent. To better fight on and under water, a Dakuwangan Marine will modify his power armor, fitting two ballast tanks to his breastplate, a ceramite shroud enveloping his legs, and a hydrojet; this makes him resemble a “Fiji Mermaid,” one of the gods’ female servants, who bring the dead back to Fiji to face Ndengei’s judgment. THE BLACK WORLD of the Fukumi asteroid field lies between Dakuwanga and Anzack. Named after Nico Nikodouga’s wife, this is the star system’s primary metal supplier. Scion of a branch of the Questor Mechanicus House Legend, Lady Fukumi Densetsu convinced her husband to name her younger brother, Baronet Fukuyu Densetsu, mine administrator. Noting many asteroids dwarf the forge ships processing them into usable ore, requiring laser and lance weapons to cut them into smaller pieces, the Baronet generously donated the Standard Template Construct (STC) design for armored shuttles known as "muscle rollers," which could “roll” asteroids into a forge ship’s hold. A muscle roller resembles a Stormtalon gunship with an Armiger Knight’s arms replacing the hull-mounted weapons; its pilot practices performing a difficult and often dangerous job, by playing rollerball, a sport the Baronet and the Pansyfish’s First Chapter Master were equally enthusiastic about. [Addendum from Magos Lazenby, Disciple of Thule, in the service of Lady Inquisitor Raquel de la Vine, Ordo Hereticus: House Legend and the Ultramarines became close allies during the War of the Beast, when its Princeps and the Ultramarines First Captain swore to defend each other’s worlds; three Knights help guard Konor, a world of Ultramar; 10 Ultramarines help guard the Knight world of Musculus. The House claims the muscle roller STC and an incomplete "Tekka Space Knight" STC were taken from the space hulk “Sin of Innovation” in 546.M32, when the Ork Nob Kitt Basha and his Boyz used the hulk as a transport, to join the Beast’s attack on Holy Terra; an Imperial flotilla intercepted the hulk in Pluto’s orbit, where the Knights provided covering fire for the Ultramarines kill team boarding the hulk to kill the Nob. The Ultramarines state what fragmentary records survived the Ork attack on Ultramar, collaborate House Legend’s claim; the Administratum, the Mechanicus, and the Imperial Navy’s records do not.] Pansyfish void ships regularly patrol the asteroid field alongside House Densetsu "Tekka Blade Space Knights" (an adaptation of the Tekka pattern, combining the Questoris pattern Knight’s arms and legs with Stormhawk interceptor components the Pansyfish donate to replace those missing from the STC design). The Marines accept pledges when they dock at the forge ships for resupply; the Knight House accepts muscle roller pilots as Bondsmen, upgrading the latter’s shuttles with Helms Mechanicum, weapons, and legs, so the Bondsmen can fight beside their Bond-lieges in any environment. Imperial scholars suspect these asteroids are the remains of a planet that was destroyed during the Horus Heresy, though they found no records of who destroyed this planet, or why. THE “RED WORLD” of Anzack is the third planet from the star. Named after the Adeptus Mechanicus Explorator who accompanied Rogue Trader Nikodouga, this forge world’s desert climate provides easy access to rare earth elements critical to the production of cogitators and other electronic devices. In addition to food imported from Dakuwanga, Anzackian colonists subsist on “baby fairies” (meter-long Myrmeleon larvae, whose jaws are powerful enough to amputate a human foot) and “philosopher’s ears” (Salsola genetically engineered to survive in this environment); House Densetsu protects the Drover walkers husbanding the insects and farming the plants. Anzackian colonists hold martial arts tournaments on Emperor's Day, to honor Him on Terra and the Imperium He built, during which the Pansyfish dispatch Sergeants to represent the Chapter and to recruit promising youths. ORGANIZATION: The Pansyfish Chapter is organized into three Strike Battalions or “Stallions,” each under a “Gutsy Major’s” command; a Stallion consists of three Companies, each under a Captain’s command. A Stallion recruits and trains its own Neophytes-- even in war zones, if necessary to replace casualties-- the Pansyfish rarely deploy less than 300 Marines to a war zone, preferring to wield a Stallion’s full strength, with which they may crush all but the most dangerous enemies. If greater strength is needed, the entire Chapter will be deployed-- minus a “Buckshot Minutemen Company” consisting of ten Marines from each Company, tasked with defending the Chapter planets. The Stallions are referred to as Red, Black, and Blue, which color the trim enclosing their members’ Chapter symbols-- despite the names, membership is never restricted to a Stallion's namesake world-- the companies as One, Two, and Three. The fact the Chapter has multiple First, Second, and Third Companies, is admittedly confusing; the Pansyfish repeatedly surprise ally and enemy alike, deploying to different war zones than expected, in greater numbers than expected. The Pansyfish Chapter Master is referred to as “Lord Figma”-- derived from “Fightmaster,” which the Pansyfish claim was Roboute Guilliman's Champion’s title during the Great Crusade, though the Ultramarines deny this-- the Veteran Company as “Gold One,” its members identified with molecular bonding studs in the Lord Baby’s image, worn on each pauldron. When the Lord Figma goes to war, the Gold One will be attached to one of the Stallions; during this, the Gutsy Major and his Captains will nominate promising Marines to the Gold One. If a Marine is accepted, he will serve one century with the Lord Figma’s Honor Guards-- learning by example the skills he will need as a leader, to earn Lord Baby studs-- before returning to his Stallion. A Pansyfish must earn the stud before he can be promoted to Captain and above. If a Pansyfish officer falls in battle, his subordinates will ritually wrestle in the nude, to determine who will replace him; the Nikodouga dynasty sells holo-vids of nude Marines wrestling, as “audiovisual stimulants” throughout the Ultima Segmentum. The late Inquisitor Baptiste submitted these holo-vids as evidence for his claim the Pansyfish used Emperor's Children gene-seed; Lady Inquisitor Raquel de la Vine dismissed the evidence, as the Chapter did not monetarily benefit from the sales, though she noted the Rogue Traders logistically supported the Chapter on multiple campaigns. NOTABLE BATTLES: THE CLEANSING OF RELORRIA was fought from 301-302.M39. Red Stallion and the Gold One rushed toward the Segmentum Obscurus, to stop Abaddon from despoiling the cardinal world of Relorria during the 11th Black Crusade; tumultuous warp currents delayed the ships’ arrival, until after Abaddon escaped. With the fabric of reality weak across the star system-- likely due to the Despoiler using forbidden warpcraft-- daemons manifested with ease, turning Relorria into a nightmare realm, which the Pansyfish Chaplains and Librarians unanimously judged “beyond salvation.” The Marines were able to rescue 2018 Imperial subjects who took sanctuary in a cathedral basement, and the Ecclesiarchal relics it held, before evacuating the planet and subjecting it to Exterminatus, preventing Relorria from becoming a Daemon world. The 2018 refugees were transferred aboard a Nikodouga dynasty pilgrim vessel, and quarantined for two years-- during which they were repeatedly tested for corruption and mutation, and bathed in holy water-- before being resettled on Anzack. Affirming their faith in the Emperor, the grateful refugees and their descendants spent 305-390.M39 constructing the Temple of the Shield of Faith, to display the Ecclesiarchal relics and the artwork made to honor the Pansyfish. THE PASTOREAL CAMPAIGN was fought in 423.M39. The Plaguebones-- formerly the Snakebones Chapter, who fought beside the Pansyfish in the Cleansing of Relorria-- and the Death Bringers Chaos Warbands attacked the agri-world of Pastoreal, in the Ultima Segmentum. Reveling in their corruption, the Plague Marines attempted to surpass Abaddon’s feat in Relorria, and create a new Daemon World. After taking the planetary governor’s palace, Plaguebones First Lieutenant Electus spent four days sewing together the still-living bodies of those within, forming a flesh-and-bone obelisk with which the Plague Marines conducted a ritual to poison the land-- and through it, the crops growing upon it, those who eat these crops, etc. Prisoners interrogated after the campaign’s conclusion, stated the Plaguebones’ goal was to kill 823,543 Imperial subjects within 14 days, allowing Chapter Master Kortharis to become a Daemon Prince. After borrowing Ecclesiarchal relics kept in the Temple of the Shield of Faith, the Pansyfish rushed to repay the debt owed to the 122nd Pastoreal Purifiers, an Astra Militarum regiment that aided the Chapter in a previous campaign; they arrived to see a 10,000-kilometer-wide cancerous tumor consuming the planetary capital. Colonel Maximus Aurelius, Commander of the 122nd Pastoreal Purifiers, begged the Pansyfish to save his homeworld via orbital bombardment-- even Exterminatus-- sparing his people a fate worse than death. A brutal void battle ensued, as traitor ships fired boarding torpedoes and Dreadclaw dropships to capture the loyalist ships moving to position above the corrupted capital; it was then the Emperor’s blessings manifested through the relics, allowing Pansyfish crews to defeat Plague Marine boarding parties. Despite the loyalists’ best efforts, Kortharis and Electus escaped to continue plaguing the Imperium they once served, along with many Plague Marines. The bombardment transformed a 10,000,000-kilometer-wide continent into a lifeless desert; in combination with the resulting dust clouds, it reduced Pastoreal’s agricultural output by an estimated 81% over the next century. As reparations for their failure, the Pansyfish asked the Nikodouga dynasty to terraform Pastoreal’s new desert regions; fortunately, Anzack’s flora and fauna easily adapted to this new world, restoring the planet’s agricultural output to 69% of its antebellum maximum by M40. THE SEALING OF LORD ROM’S LOCKER occurred in 009.M40. As payment for his dynasty’s efforts in restoring Pastoreal, Rogue Trader Funiculi Nikodouga demanded the Pansyfish’s aid in his exploration of the space hulk “Lord Rom’s Locker,” named after a pirate who supposedly hid loot inside it-- including House Densetsu regalia, the auramite sword named “Ochinchin” and two auramite globes named “Kintama,” which Nikodouga sought on his cousins’ behalf. To the explorators’ horror, the hulk was infested with Genestealers, which killed Nikodouga and two Terminators assigned to protect him. Fighting their way to the most intact ship embedded in the hulk-- a blue-and-white Vengeance class grand cruiser with a rampant hound emblazoned upon its side, which Techmarine Vesuvius Kazan dated to the Great Crusade-- the surviving Pansyfish reactivated its plasma engines, driving Lord Rom’s Locker towards a nearby gas giant. Though the Marines were ready to seal themselves and the Genestealers in the tomb the hulk would become, the Emperor was with them; the grand cruiser had an intact hangar bay, with a Stormbird dropship the Techmarine made flightworthy. The Pansyfish escaped from Lord Rom’s Locker, and watched the hulk bury itself so deeply within the gas giant’s metallic core, the cruiser’s plasma engines’ lights were permanently extinguished. Techmarine Kazan passed the Nikodouga Warrant of Trade, Ochinchin, and Kintama onto Funiculi’s twin sister, Funicula. The Pansyfish kept for themselves the Great Crusade-era wargear found on the hulk, including the Stormbird-- repaired, repainted in the Chapter colors, named “Song of Vengeance,” and pressed into service as the Lord Figma’s personal transport. WAAAGH! DUBYA was fought from 901-912.M41. The Ork Flyboss (Flyboy Warboss) Bull Sheeta attacked and occupied a servitor manufactory in Warka, a forge world in the Ultima Segmentum. Using its cloning vats to clone himself and his Nobz, the Flyboss changed his-- now their-- names to “Dubya Bull Dubya Sheeta,” allowing the xenos to flood the entire star system with Flash Git clones he called “Hotmanz,” and Weirdboy clones called “Koolboyz.” The entire Chapter deployed, alongside allies from the Fire Angels, Marines Errant, and Star Phantoms; but the other Chapters withdrew to punish Badab for seceding from the Imperium, in the first year. Without the other Chapters’ aid, a campaign that was predicted to last 84 Terran days, was extended to twelve Terran years. 96 Pansyfish were martyred in the effort to destroy Warka’s cloning vats-- another four were so grievously wounded, they were honorably interred in Dreadnought sarcophagi-- but the xenos built vats on other planets, allowing Dubya to repeatedly clone replacements for Orks that fell in battle, including himself. Guilliman’s sons were spread thin, becoming vulnerable to Ork ambushes, while searching for these new vats; Lord Figma Voss Sexton’s war council predicted he and all 800 surviving Pansyfish with him, would die within 301 Terran days. Techmarine Ban Darkholme and Apothecary Nico Hagane proposed sabotaging the vats, instead of destroying them-- replacing bottles of nutrients a clone subsists on before leaving its vat, with bottles of synthesized pansyfish toxin, which test even a Space Marine’s strength-- while using hit-and-run attacks and other “cowardly” tactics against the xenos. Each dead Ork would be replaced with a poisoned, weakened clone, gradually diminishing the strength of the Waaagh! The tactics were successful; by the time the last Dubya clone died, the Flyboss was physically comparable to an unaugmented human. Afterwards, all Ork cloning vats were painstakingly cleansed with fire; though this released airborne toxins, forcing a planet’s human inhabitants to use protective masks or augmetic lungs when outside a controlled environment, it was a small price to pay to prevent another Waaagh! THE INDOMITUS CRUSADE was and is still being fought in M42. Although Lord Figma Canam Colt offered to place the entire Chapter at Lord Regent Guilliman's disposal, the Primarch stated the Pansyfish’s first duty was to defend Imperial worlds-- such as the Amaterasu star system, which provided critical resources to Imperial war efforts. Guilliman did honor the Buckshot Minutemen Company with a role in his next crusade. 13 Buckshot Minutemen died crossing the Rubicon Primaris; the survivors gladly accompanied their Primarch as he punished the traitors for creating the Great Rift and sundering the Emperor’s realm. Primaris Pansyfish frequently transfer between Amaterasu and the Great Rift, the Initiates providing fresh blood to continue fighting the Indomitus Crusade, the Veterans passing on hard-won experience when they return to serve as instructors. Baptiste, Philippos Westboro: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Phelps en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church Dakuwanga: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dakuwaqa Fiji Mermaid: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fiji_mermaid Herrington, Biribiri: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Herrington knowyourmeme.com/memes/people/billy-herrington-gachimuchi Kitt Basha: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitbashing Muscle roller: knowyourmeme.com/memes/ultimate-muscle-roller-legend Ndengei: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Degei Plaguebones: wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Plaguebones Regalia, House Densetsu: southpark.fandom.com/wiki/Let%27s_Fighting_Love Space Knight: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tekkaman:_The_Space_Knight en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tekkaman_Blade Tewinnarei, te barantauti: www.atlasobscura.com/articles/puffer-fi sh-armor

For some reason, I felt compelled to create the most pathetic Space Marine Chapter EVER, hoping to inspire 4chan to make them the new Pretty Marines. Here goes! NAME: "Grim Knights of Grimm Nights" is the official name; it's written on our underwear. "Grimm Knights of Grim Nights", "Grim Nights of Grimm Knights", and "Grimm Nights of Grim Knights" are common typos. Seriously, what the hell was the First Chapter Master thinking, when he chose so confusing a name? PRIMARCH: Unknown. The Grim Knights of Grimm Nights have claimed to be descendants of each and every one of the Primarchs, at various phases in its history; but the Dark Angels, White Scars, Space Wolves, Imperial Fists, Blood Angels, Iron Hands, Ultramarines, Salamanders, Raven Guard, and all their Successor Chapters deny any bonds of blood with the Grim Knights. GENE-SEED: Ah, you heard of us? From other First Founding Chapters? Oh, happy day, to know our brothers, whoever they are, have acknowledged...! Wait, their records state our gene-seed has degenerated, leaving us no stronger, faster, better, or harder than an unaugmented human? That is a lie! We are Astartes, with the same strength, speed, superiority, and durability as any other Marine! Prove it, how? Crush this monkey skull with my bare hands? Fine, just you watch, I am going to crush it! Just you... Ahhhh! The bone fragments cut my hand! FOUNDING: Second. Hey, Marines in these colors appeared during that time, so the Grim Knights must be of that Founding. What do you mean there were others? The Grey Knights? The Fists Exemplar?! Impossible, the Grim Knights of Grimm Nights are the first and only...! SYMBOL: A white skull... Actually, it's just the Codex symbol designating a Marine who serves a role in the Command squad, worn on the left pauldron. The First Chapter Master had no imagination. COLORS: The gray of bare ceramite. Apothecaries, Chaplains, Librarians, and Techmarines are identified via the color of their pauldrons; they ceased painting their entire suits in the Codex-mandated colors, after this led their battle-brothers to misidentify and then shoot at them, early in the Chapter's history. Chapter Masters have ordered the Chapter to adopt new colors, only for his successor to reverse the orders, due to... SPECIALTY: Hit and run... I think. We charge towards our enemies, point our fingers and shout, "Bang!" to make them flee for their lives. That suffices in one percent of our encounters with hostile forces; in the other 99 percent, the other side will actually shoot at us, and make us flee for our lives. I wish we could afford some boltshells- we would win more often if we could shoot at our enemies- but the Chapter suffered devastating losses in the War of the Beast, and has yet to recover. Any chance you can get us a strike cruiser or ten, maybe even a battle barge? You have to justify your expenses, or the Lord Inquisitor will punish you for wasting the resources of His Immortal Majesty's Most Holy...? BATTLE CRY: We have a battle cry? I mean, "Fight, fight, fight!" No, Brother Largo, "Go for the beer!" is unacceptable as an Astartes battle cry, as it is...! BELIEFS: "To serve the Emperor and His Imperium, like any other of His servants, is the highest honor," according to our current Chapter Master. So please, fellow servants of the Emperor, give us some love and attention! HOMEWORLD: Grimm, a heavily forested planet in Segmentum Obscurus... Wait, it's in Ultima Segmentum now? Are you sure you didn't misread the star charts? What opportunity are you seeking? "Yoink human and material resources from right under the Ultramarines' noses"? "No one will notice"? Are you sure...? Wait, someone has noticed! Flee, flee for our lives! Abandon the thieves and let them pay the price for their own crimes! Anyways, Grimm is a heavily forested planet, with freshwater oceans covering 50% of the planet's surface, allowing its human- and Astartes- inhabitants to subsist on farming, hunting, lumber, and fishing. Those outside the Chapter, maintain a technology level equivalent to that of Holy Terra during 800.M2, with small steam engines and flintlock firearms in common use. The equator has a giant volcano named "Be Careful What You Wish For", which now smokes where the Chapter's first fortress-monastery once stood; please do not ask about it. Grimm has a moon, named "Mother Goose" for the strip mines on its surface, which resemble feathers when viewed from the planetary surface. The Chapter has a shipyard there; after we lost our fleet and our first fortress-monastery, we rebuilt the shipyard into a keep, named, "Sweet Home II". It is very cramped in here- I have to choose between sleeping in my armor, or sleeping atop my armor like it is the galaxy's most uncomfortable futon, as no one has quarters big enough for both a bed and an armor stand- but it is home, just like we named it. RECRUITMENT: The Chapter operates 90 unarmed shuttles, in addition to ten gunships. When a Grim Knights Company needs to recruit and replace its losses, an unarmed shuttle will be painted white, with the words "FREE CANDY!!!" in black block letters on its sides; its crewmen will paint their armor in bright colors. This shuttle will then land near Grimm's human settlements; the crew will attempt to entice children onboard, for abduction and transport to the Sweet Home II. FLEET: The Grim Knights currently operate ten space doggers- is that not a cool name? The space doggers are 440-meter-long Warp-capable trawlers, designed to land on water, pull trawl nets, and process the catch in their onboard canneries; they financially sustain the Chapter. We got a good deal from Rogue Trader Yankee, getting ten ships for ten suits of Terminator armor. Warships? Well, we painted the cranes to look like lances, to scare off pirates; though our best defense is to flee for our lives. Fight the pirates? We can barely afford any boltshells! I am frequently forced to shout, "Bang!" instead of actually shooting anything, and I am a Captain! How are the 50 Marines aboard each trawler, supposed to fight?! Captain Sinistral tried using harsh words to hurt the pirates' feelings, only to get his butt kicked! Yes, Captain Sinistral was an Astartes, what did that have to do with the fight?! You want to know about the ships we were assigned at the Founding? Well, we had a battle barge and nine strike cruisers; we lost them all in the War of the Beast, and the Adeptus Mechanicus refused to replace them. Inquisitor Gerfotton Long demanded and received access to records held aboard the Rogue Trader vessel Pride of the Yankees. According to an entry in Zephyr Yankee's journal, dated 707.M34, the space doggers were exchanged for the Grim Knights' remaining suits of Terminator armor, which were resold to wealthy collectors in Segmentum Obscurus. Zephyr Yankee also provided contact information for the forge world of Hartford, expecting the Grim Knights to sail there so the space doggers may be refitted as gunboats; no further entries mention the new Chapter fleet. Inquisitor Long suspected the Grim Knights' poverty was the reason the Chapter failed to reacquire warships; during his time with the Marines, he noted they were more concerned with earning what they described as "beer money," avoiding battles they deemed unprofitable. The Imperium was fortunate the Grim Knights did not resort to piracy, as the Marines repeatedly demonstrated a cowadice that would make them difficult to pin down and eradicate. HISTORY: The history of the Grim Knights of Grimm Nights is one ignored, overlooked, and outright forgotten, despite the Marines' efforts to draw attention and win fame- even infamy, as when they claimed to be "secretly descended from one of the Unknown Primarchs" in an attempt to appear "mysterious" a millennium before the Age of Apostasy. The Grim Knights have garrisoned Grimm since the Great Scouring. The Chapter claims it lacks records for how this came to be; during my time there, I suggested to various Grim Knights the Chapter conquered the planet during the Great Crusade, seized it from another faction during the Horus Heresy, was entrusted with it for safekeeping, or was given it in payment for some service, only for the listeners to shrug and say, "Eh, maybe." (The Grim Knights' apathy towards this critical phase of their own history, infuriates me.) The planet's human inhabitants lack any records older than 2000 years old, as their low technology level allows the ink with which they write records, and the paper on which these are written, to fade and rot away. The Chapter attempted to return to the limelight during the War of the Beast, sending its entire fleet towards Holy Terra, only to lose the ships in the Warp, making no contribution to the Imperium's eventual victory. The Grim Knights who stayed behind to garrison Grimm, held a "contest of fortitude and strength" in which each Chapter Master candidate for the position would drink a half-liter measure of beer before arm wrestling another candidate, repeating these actions until they determined a winner. Tryhard Cork won the contest, and promotion from Sergeant to Chapter Master. Cork's first order as Chapter Master, was to rebuild the Chapter fleet- within a fortnight, disregarding the fact a fully equipped and supplied shipyard required years of work to build a frigate, to say nothing of strike cruisers and battle barges several times a frigate's size. The Adeptus Mechanicus was unwilling or unable to answer Chapter Master- who disregarded the time required to send and receive astropathic communications- so Cork decided to perform a "luck boosting" ritual and "wish" for the lost ships' return. The Chapter's remaining records stated the ritual involved binge drinking; I suspect forbidden Warpcraft and the involvement of Warp entities, as Warp energy emanates from the volcano that erupted within the Grim Knights' first fortress-monastery. Cork, the Grim Knights' senior officers, and the fortress-monastery were destroyed when a space hulk composed of the Chapter fleet's shipwrecks, crashed into them, creating the volcano the surviving Marines named "Be Careful What You Wish For" as a reminder. Subsequently, the greater Imperium forgot the Grim Knights; the only ones who even remembered the Chapter planet, were Rogue Traders of the Yankee dynasty, who sold the planet's lumber, fish and game offworld, in exchange for mundane goods the relatively primitive human inhabitants considered rare luxuries. In M35, the Grim Knights convinced the Rogue Traders to provide space doggers with which to form a new Chapter fleet and, in Grim Knights Captain Siggebt Serlo's words, "Set sail for adventure! And hopefully, some attention. Oh, and beer money! We cannot forget the beer money!" If the cowardice the Grim Knights demonstrated now was any indication, the Marines likely avoided fighting any glorious battles that could have won them the attention they desired from the Imperium and its enemies, forcing the Chapter to languish in obscurity. Its members resorted to claiming, "The Grim Knights are secretly descended from one of the Unknown Primarchs," when other Chapters asked for their identities; in Captain Serlo's words, "That made us mysterious, and people want to know more about us!" This desperate attempt to draw attention- even in the form of an Inquisitorial investigation- ended when Inquistor Ronan Allenson laughed in then Chapter Master Yiell James' face, before ordering, "Stop wasting the precious time of His Immortal Majesty's Most Holy Inquisition." During the Age of Apostasy, the Grim Knights lost nine Chapter Masters in nine years, due to a shameful act the Chapter refused to acknowledge or even remember; I discovered this by chance, as the papers on which this secret history was written, were stored in a refresher, apparently for use as toilet tissue. (To avoid alerting my hosts, I told the Grim Knights I was replacing the tissues they used, with a brand that would not irritate my skin. The Marines expressed no doubt toward my motivations, suggesting they were gullible fools- or skilled actors, directing me towards false evidence to discredit me- I find these possibilities equally disturbing.) In M36, Grim Knights Chapter Master Ward Matthias claimed, "The Chapter was secretly Founded with Traitor gene-seed." As it was fashionable to claim a "shameful past" for which one must "make restitution" during the Age of Apostasy, Chapter Master Matthias likely wished to appear "edgy," and draw attention. The first to answer such claims was the Emperor's Children warband "Emperor's Bollocks", which attempted to make the Grim Knights worship the same false god as its members; this attempt ended when Chapter Master Matthias attempted to "get the ultimate high" of what I assume is the false god's regard, by inserting an atomic artillery shell into his large intestine; the shell detonated, killed the Chapter Master, destroyed his command squad and the Emperor's Bollocks warband. The Grim Knights promoted Goto Cassern from Lieutenant to Chapter Master. Cassern did not rescind his predecessor's claims, possibly due to lack of interest; the former Vanguard Veteran's journals expressed no interest in anything but multilasers, which he forced upon the Chapter, despite the weapon not being included in a Codex Chapter's armory, making Marines unfamiliar with their use and maintenance. When the Iron Warriors warband "Blades of Ruin" launched a slave raid against Grimm, Chapter Master Cassern challenged the enemy warlord to single combat, WIP