Lady_Canoness Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 *NOTE* that this thread has loooooong since escaped a normal gaming thread and turned into a beast of a story instead. On this page you will find a short story (starting at post #20) that laters grows into a full on trilogy of novels that is spread throughout the next 10 pages. This is not a simple fanfic, and (if I have my way) it may find itself to a bookstore near you! ... in however long it takes to finish :P Hey All! I've just come to the decision that I want to make a traitor guard army, but that is not what's important. What is important is that I'm having them be led by a Sister of Battle who has fallen from grace into the madness of Khorne, the Blood God. But the question I need to know the answer to is what could possibly make a Sister fall so far that she is beyond absolution in death as a Repentia, or any other penenance that the Imperial Cult could think up? So the concrete elements of the character are as follows (as in what has to have happened) a) She must have somehow escaped the clutches of her Order :D She must be either bent on revenge or simply bent, and have something behind it to blame other than genetics c) Something drove her towards Khorne. What could it have been? d) Did she fall, or was she seduced? Those are the guidlines I'm working around. Any thoughts, tips, hints, or suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks! P.S. The model I'm using is Celestine, and while keeping her in her angelic pose I'm doing a lot of sculpting and hacking, and chopping (well, not so much chopping). Tragic, truly tragic. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batface the Hat Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Fear the Bolter B**** when she's fallen into her blood rage. Fear.. On a lighter note, if you intend on using wings, Fantasy Dark Pegasus wings look great on the Celestine model. I'd show you Uriel, my Living Saint, but I have no pictures of my mini's.. :D She could have been seduced by a traitor guardsman, or there could be other Sisters in the convent that had fallen, sort of like in Demonifuge. She could have been driven towards Khorne quite easily. She lives a life of constant war and bloodshed as a member of the Order Militant of the Adepta Sororitas. She's surrounded by death, and could easily be drawn to Khorne due to haunting memories or guilt. Or even Hatred, perhaps her.. er.. boyfriend-thing.. was found out, and her Order did the cleansing. Or better! Her own Squad commander! Just food for thought. I'm liking this idea a lot. -the Hat Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1406265 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Thunder Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 The best story hooks are the ones that ring true to the reader, so take a path that could lead a regular person down dark roads, then add a sci-fi element to it. Any of the following could be used: Addiction Abandonment Pride Betrayal Torture Romantic Love Parental Love For characters following to chaos, it is always better to have them seduced or tricked, or both. I would suggest the following scenario: She is captured among others during a raid by chaos marines of the Emperor's Children. While her sisters slowly die off one by one, she is kept alive by a lieutenant who has taken a particular liking to her. For years, even decades, she is tortured, mutilated, and beat by her captives. Foul black liquids are pumped into her body, restoring her broken flesh and denying her the release of death. She is forcefully given lethal doses of addictive substances, then forced to experience the agonizing pains of withdrawl. The decade stretches into two decades, then three, then four. Each time her captives promise her freedom if she will but only renounce her faith in the Emperor. Four decades stretch into five, then six. No mind can endure pressure forever. Everyone has their breaking point. She reached hers in the sixty-sixth year of her imprisonment. Her mind simply shattered, and all the rage in her sould was unleashed. Although her body was old and frail, she slaughtered her captures, clawing and biting at their faces with all the hatred of a demon. As she stood over their bloody remains, she weapt, for they had defiled not only her body, but her soul, and her rage was unsated at the sight of their dead bodies. Where had her Emperor been when she needed him? Where was his face turned when she called out to him? For Sixty-Six years she had prayed to him, and recieved nothing but silence. She swore in her wrath that she would break down the gates of the emperor's palace, and twist his aged face until he looked at her once more, and answered for his betrayal. She didn't care how impossible of a task that might be. She would do anything to see it done. It was in that moment, that Khorne offered her the power to crush the Emperor in his name. Thus began her road towards ascention. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1406318 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArmouredWing Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 If you're taking Khorne as your god of choice then I'd be seriously tempted to use bloodthirster wings on her. I reckon keeping her angelic features but replacing her wings with reptillian type would give her a kind of biblical look, kinda like lucifer from the sandman books. As for the background? Well they asy the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Give her a noble quest and finish with a no win situation, a deal and a moment of weakness. Truly a tragedy in the making. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1406347 Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Magnifico Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 i'll have to put up some pictures of a friend of mines slannesh army, it might inspire you :) his leiutenant (cant use it as one anymore) is the living saint with a daemonettes' head, wings from some fantasy model (tomb kings carrion i think) and the sword from a regular daemon prince model (looks suitably huge to be used as a dreadaxe :devil: ) he's also desecrated 20odd sisters of battle to use as his chosen - i'll try and get some pics of them for you - they might give you some inspiration/ideas Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1406428 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Nihm Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 You may find inspiration -> here Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1406432 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Canoness Posted October 30, 2007 Author Share Posted October 30, 2007 Those are some really great ideas guys! Thanks! I especially like how much depth you added in your reply Dr. Thunder. I can already feel my mind expanding (and it doesn't have anything to do with the masses of term papers I have to write)! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1406797 Share on other sites More sharing options...
cryptomancer Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Okay, lets fire off some ideas... 1)Squad member/family member posessed by a daemon, Sister witnesses posession, becomes obsessed with study of arcane knowledge and sorcerey (though not specifically Khorn-ey, there's all sorts of precedent in 40k and Earth history in using blood to gain insight and knowledge) in attempt to free ally from daemon's clutches. She fails in attempt, is consumed by the dark knowledge she posesses. Through the blood, she has peered into the soul of Khorne himself, and it was too much to bear. She wanders the Galaxy destorying the daemon wherever she finds it, and any who stand in her way make fitting fodder for her Blood Rites. 2)Psychic screening of isolated Order Minoris insufficient. Sister's passive psychic potential manifests (visions, predictions, minor miracles). Fearful local Ministorum officials hide her talents from the local Ordos Inquisitorius and attempt to shrive her of her "sin" and "impurity" through pain. During her torture, our Sister prays for death and release. New to the Order, she has yet to be instructed in the nature of the psychic, and so knows not why her tormentors lash, beat and cut her. Their continued abuses more fully awaken her psychic nature and the Sister instinctively reaches for salvation in the Warp. Khorne (or perhaps just one of his Daemon Princes) sees the her as a doorway to break the Ministorum from within, and channels his strength through her. She breaks free of her bonds and slaughters the Priests and Confessors around her with her bare hands. Her eyes burn with rage and her wounds continuously seep blood; she has become the avatar of cruelty, the Saint of Blood, and she shall break the Cult of the Savior Emperor piece by piece. 3)A particularly humble Sister, she consigned herself to the Repentia when her Sister Superior was captured and later killed. Seeking an honourable death to atone, the Sister threw herself into combat with unmatched zeal, hacking heretics and aliens apart in showers of blood, screaming her prayers to the God-Emperor in the mutilated faces of her dying enemies. Despite her craving for the sweet release of death, she survived. Unwanted, her reputation grew, and the mobs of Zealots following the Crusade (lets assume this was during a Crusade or War of Faith or something) started to whisper she was a Living Saint. Still she tried to die honourably, flinging herself at the most dangerous enemies on the battlefield; charging through hissing anti-infantry fire and around slashing chainblades with unnatrual fortune. Yet still, she could not die. Finally, at the culmination of the campeign, the Ministorum did the unthinkable: they rescinded her Repentia Oath, declaring her the Patron and Savior of the Crusade. Though the move was intended to bolster the resolve of the faithful before the final bloody battle of the war, the Sister knew the truth: the God-Emperor had abandoned her, and she was denied any true Repentance. The bloody slaughter of the final battle began in earnest on the blasted world of [insert name here]. Tens of thousands died on both sides as the artillery and bolter fire scrawled smoky lines across the sky. Clad in new and gilted armour, the Savior of the Crusade wept with bitterness as she slaughtered her way through the mobs of enemies, her blade carving through flesh and armour and bathing her in blood. As the sun set, and the last enemy fell, the Saviour let loose a scream of rage and frustration that echoed across the battlefield. Though her armour was split with dozens of wounds, her flesh was un-marred. The Lord Bishop of the Crusade came foreward and offered his congradulations for her victory, and she struck his head from his body, his blood streaking her face and clotting in her hair. The Missionarius guards turned on her with a cry of outrage and surprise, and she hacked them apart. A few remaining Zealots nearby turned and fled, but she cut them down as they ran, her tears of rage making runnels through the gore on her cheeks. Another agonized scream shook the air and, in the twilight, the mangled and dismembered corpses of her former Sisters stood again, marching with her under some strange power, blood seeping from their many fatal wounds. A living darkness enfolded the Savior, her eyes burned the red, and her eyes burned with hatred. The allied Guard regiments laid down their arms and submitted to the leadership of this avatar of slaughter; those who did not died, their blood soaking the Dark Savior's flesh. She is become the Scourge of [something] Sector, obsessed with the kill, unable to die, and she will carve a bloody path to the very feet of the False Emperor and demand her redemption. Just some ideas. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1406813 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiva Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 I really like your idea of using a "Fallen Saint" to lead your army. It's something you don't ever see used - for all the traitor Guardsmen, Chaos Spacemarines, and Radical Inquisitors, you never really hear of an "evil" Sister of Battle. As far as storyline goes, I like Doctor Thunder's advice. You can't go wrong with the elements of betrayal and revenge. And to portray those ideals on fellow Sisters, or even the Emperor himself....that makes for a great story. I also like cryptomancers #3 idea...along the same lines as before, but with an interesting twist you could turn many different directions. This one is probably my personal favorite. I'm curiouos, though. What made you decide to use a "Fallen Saint" as your commander? Also, as far as the Celestine conversion you're working on, what sort of changes are you making? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1406879 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Canoness Posted October 30, 2007 Author Share Posted October 30, 2007 Wow... That was great! #3 is particularily inspiring! I really want to emphasize the idea of a 'fall' rather than a lurking corruption - ruling out #1 & 2. I'm probably going to take a 'middle path' between all of these sugestions so that I can keep an original feeling to it. Of course she will come to embrace and accept Khorne as her new master - fully falling to Chaos rather than simply throwing off the Imperium. I'll let you know how it goes! P.S. Using the stats for a Khornate Chaos Lord I'm sure she could be a match for loyal Sisters, and possibly even take down the ever-so hated Canoness Alexandra - Daemon Slayer. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1406905 Share on other sites More sharing options...
cryptomancer Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 P.S. Using the stats for a Khornate Chaos Lord I'm sure she could be a match for loyal Sisters, and possibly even take down the ever-so hated Canoness Alexandra - Daemon Slayer. Hah! *takes a bow* this is what I do in the mornings before I have to do real work... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1406951 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Canoness Posted October 30, 2007 Author Share Posted October 30, 2007 @ Shiva: There were a number of inspirations behind my idea of a Fallen Saint to lead my army, so let's take it from the top! 1) First and foremost is the idea of a tragedy. Most Chaos Marines, or Traitor Guardsmen aren't very tragic (in my opinion), they tend to be selfish and in it for personal gain or unquestioning loyalty to the 'truth' or some individual. Note that I'm not using a 'Traitor' Saint, but a Fallen one, so it would be right to assume that she had nothing but the best intentions in mind when she reached her climax, but then some 'incident' caused her to fall from grace - meaning that she didn't consciously turn to chaos, but when she got there she knew that there was no going back and that she was in it unitl the end. She may have made a move for redemption, but when this was denied her she turned her grief and despair into anger. You know how in movies or RPG games there is often some character that starts out as right, honourable, just, humble, and all-in-all good, but then over the course of the game/movie something puts them over the edge and makes them become the villian, and you really hope that they'll get redemption and be forigiven but they don't and the hero has to kill them and it leaves you thinking: "Damn that sucks! Why couldn't he/she have become good again?" That is the feeling I'm trying to capture - whether I explained it well or not is another question. 2)It always seems to me that when women characters are/become evil, they are about ten times more bad-ass than the male characters. They are vindictive, cunning, utterly ruthless, and just down-right evil. While most people associate evil women with Slaanesh, I think that Khorne would really appeal to an evil woman; think about it: many brutish or arrogant men in these kinds of fiction look upon women (even Battle Sisters) as sexual objects (I may be wrong, but this is my opinion) so what better way to stick it to those arrogant men than with a Khornate woman who doesn't give a :) about sensual pleasures and will cut them down where they stand for even mentioning it? 3)The idea of a Fallen Saint is very reflective of the society from which she originated: She was a hero, but then was somehow pushed away and alienated or misunderstood, suggesting that the society (in this the Imperium) is partially at fault. Some people will look into this and try and see what made the fallen one do what she did and how they (the Imperium) may have caused it. In short it only takes one to turn traitor, but it takes two to fall. 4)Ever play the original Neverwinter Nights? As for the Fallen Saint herself, I'm not making any radical changes: so no head swapping, no face grinding, and no reconsrtuctive surgery. I'm keeping the same pose as Celestine, but I've removed the great majority of Imperial icons - replacing them in places with Khornate ones, or just leaving the armour bare. I've kept the Celestine head, but I've given her long hair modeled with greenstuff to make it look like it is caught in the wind. I've tattered/torn her gown, beheaded the bird (I was going to remove it, but that isn't very original), swapped the sword for a more chaotic one wreathed in red flame, given her daemonic wings, and made her base to look like she is atop a rocky mound surrounded with skulls sitting in a lake of Blood. All in all, you can still tell who it was, I wanted her to be identifiable as having once been a Sister of Battle, but I wanted to give the idea that she is hard-bitten, dark, and evil. There is the long answer to you questions. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1406956 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiva Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Great thoughts behind your model. It's amazing what an insperation tragedy can be, isn't it? I also love the reasoning you've given for going with a particular "face" of evil: Khorne instead of Slaanesh. I think it's great that you've decided to show the brute force and bloodlust of Khorne in a female character instead of the usual seductive and sensual edge from Slaanesh. It's sad, but true, that most people see female characters as more sly and manipulative and male characters as strong and undefeatable. Your conversion just goes to show that women (especially those with the unfathomable sorrow, rightous hatrid, and daemonic power that you've given your character!) can be kick- :wub: , I'm-gonna-rip-your-head-off-and-beat-you-to-death-with-it too. B) The conversion sounds like it's going well, too. I think beheading the bird and adding length to her hair are nice touches. You'll have to post some work in progress pics so we can see her as she continues to evolve. Very nice job so far! :) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1407025 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camouflage Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 I really like your idea of using a "Fallen Saint" to lead your army. It's something you don't ever see used - for all the traitor Guardsmen, Chaos Spacemarines, and Radical Inquisitors, you never really hear of an "evil" Sister of Battle. :wub: Actually, there are some examples of chaos sisters out there, but in most cases people go for Slaneesh, mainly to have an excuse for an ridiculous amount of exposed tits in their army... Personally, I would go for Nurgle*, but Tzeentch could be interesting as well (basically have them turn into that, what they hate most). * not in the sense of excessive mutations, but more for the aspect of hopelessness and general neglect and decay, think of a sisters force trapped in an infested space-hulk for month and years, living off rotten flesh, and each day losing more of their hope for rescue - and when their ammo starts to run out and they prepare to make their last stand, the demonprince or whatever leads the chaos-forces just steps up to the sisters, takes a look at them, puts away his weapon and walks away with a comment like "you've become just like us, why should we fight you any longer"... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1407072 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roultox Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 I have always driven into why certain races would fall to any of the chaos gods. Even the most mis-matched combinations! 1: She never had to escape, she has fallen into the depth of her hatred for xenos and witches so deeply she fell from grace into the claws(paws?) of khorne and his similar views. She perhaps merely seen as a very vigilant and deeply rooted in imperial doctrine, that can be easily mistaken for a berzerker and a neophyte of destruction, a saint of anti-heresy. 2: You can always blame her history, she could have been ordered by Radical Inquisitors for so long, her hatred for psykers turning her against her psyker-leaders and their elusive ways for more martial prowess and destruction without mercy or even evidence to back her trials of fire. 3: If you read sisters of battle basic fluff, they hate everything not human. They even hate space marines, they hate the inquisition (inquisitors are psykers after all), she hates mutants and heretics, and finally in her absoloution at her highest heresy, she realises that the emperor isnt human, and perhaps never was. So in her black rage and depression she found Khorne, a god not as a human, nor a xenos, or anything specified in her doctrine however she will still slay the heretics that faught humans during the heresy and Khorne allows it, more so he supports it! Sisters of Battle cannot have a greater co-existence then with Khorne in relating views. Falling and being seduced is not the case once you make a story for her. There is no one defining moment when one turns to chaos. It starts with the whisper of doubt, such as losing a comrade and wondering why he had to die. Then it graduates into heresy through many failed personal trials and growing discomfort of the way of things. Eventually, they betray (perhaps never fully loyal to begin with) and then they are declaired heretics or worse; traitoris extremis. Hope that helps. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1407204 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Canoness Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 I like how you suggest the path to damnation Roultox. It gives the idea that there were many points upon her journey to her climax that had a negative impact on her. These would have been hidden from any bystander, so that her fall looks very abrupt - as if it happened suddenly rather than a gradual decline. Interesting indeed. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1407222 Share on other sites More sharing options...
cryptomancer Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 3: If you read sisters of battle basic fluff, they hate everything not human. They even hate space marines, they hate the inquisition (inquisitors are psykers after all), she hates mutants and heretics, and finally in her absoloution at her highest heresy, she realises that the emperor isnt human, and perhaps never was. So in her black rage and depression she found Khorne, a god not as a human, nor a xenos, or anything specified in her doctrine however she will still slay the heretics that faught humans during the heresy and Khorne allows it, more so he supports it! Gonna have to offer a rebuttal to this one, or at least part of it. The defining thing about the church of the God-Emperor is that they worship him as A GOD (hence the term GOD-Emperor). "His light is pure" etc. They know that is some way he's connected to the Warp (he has an awareness of it, and can influence/calm/make turbid the Warp). It's just that he's a part of all the good energy in the Warp. Emotions, feelings and ideas of psychic (particularly) and semi-psychic (i.e. everyone else) sentient or near-sentient beings manifest in the Warp as nearly real things. Mostly, this consists of the negative aspects of feeling and passion (and then you get the Ruinous Powers). But every positive emotion (love, justice, honour, sympathy, happiness, bliss, order, serenity etc.) must have a Warp-echo too. The Emperor draws strength from all these good things; the pure and clean force and energy of the Ether. So no. He's not human. That's because he's a god. :P Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1408017 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camouflage Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Actually, that train of thought, that even the Emperor would have to be purged because he is a mutant and a psyker is IIRC given as an official example in the codex of how witchhunters can turn into radicals even on the puritan side of things. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1408045 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Canoness Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 One story of falling from race that I find particularily inspiring is that of Archeon from Warhammer Fantasy found in WD#272. It describes how he was just an ordinary (ok he was a knight of the Reiksguard, so not sooo ordinary) bloke who wanted another explanation to life than that of Sigmar, so he joined some cult called the "Golden Eagle". Turns out that the Sigmarites didn't like this cult and managed to torture the names of its members out of some soon-to-be-deceased shmuk. Then the Grox-dung hit the fan for poor Archeon (he had a different name though) and his parents disowned him and his friends tried to kill him, so he fled - constantly hounded by witch hunters and warrior fanatics until he reached the Chaos Wastes. Once there bad-stuff happened and he slew many monsters with his lance and sword, until he reached a stair that ascended into the discoloured clouds. Up and up he went until he reached a platform on which there was a giant mirror placed at one end. Upon approaching the mirror he saw an image of himself, however its armour was clean and bright with rich plumage, whereas his was faded, dirty and blackened: it was the image of what he could have been. Then it spoke to him: (in one of the coolest quotes ever mind you!) "I am the Guardian; the Defender of Humanity. And you are an abomination!" Then his reflection stepped out of the mirror and they fought for ages, until managed to cut the head off his opponent. Then more cool stuff happened, and then he became the Archeon we all know and love, and swore revenge on the world that had cast him out. Another interesting part of the story is that up until the very end he feels guilt for what he has done, and he longs to go back to his old life, though he knows he never can. I don't intend to copy this idea, but I think that it has some merit, and should not be ingnored if anyone else is attempting that which I am. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1408168 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Canoness Posted November 2, 2007 Author Share Posted November 2, 2007 Here it is! Fluff concerning the tragic Fallen Saint herself! I just wrote this now, and I'm hoping it reads as a good engaging story! I really enjoyed writing it, so you can bet that I'll add to it as she falls further into damnation! With no further delay, here it is! (sorry for the length and unusual style, but I wanted to capture a specific atmosphere) 1st Instalment of the Fallen Saint. How had it come to this? She dragged her body over the hard, broken ground. She was all alone now – everyone else was dead – pitted and gored on the spine of the earth, or torn asunder by the terrors that stalked over the scorched red earth. She was all alone, and now she crawled, like a beast, dragging herself over the land. A score of wounds racked her body with agony – her legs, little more than dead weight – her arms staining over every inch. There she was, Palatine Aribeth d’Allsaice, struggling every inch of the way. How had it come to this? Why was she here? Now? It was him, that Inquisitor, Galtman had been his name. He had sent them here. For the good of the Imperium, he said, for the Emperor, he said, for the glory of man, he said. He lied. There was no good in this. There was no glory in this. There was only death – pointless death. All her Sisters… dead, claimed by the evil of this world. Yet still she crawled, what else was she to do? Each meter a meter of agony, a meter of torment, yet she came closer with every inch. Just over the next hill she saw it, and with it, she saw him. It was the Inquisitor’s lowly scribe that saw her first, a silhouette against the crimson of the blasted sky. Beckoning the skittish man forward, Galtman strode purposefully to where the Palatine lay – his underling furiously trying to smooth his parchment so that he might later add what was to happen to the liber sanctimonious. She saw him, through stinging eyes. He grew closer, and she tried to speak, but the air that escaped her blood-cracked lips bore no sound. With great effort she rolled unto her back so that she might look into his eyes, if for nothing else than to show that she was not beaten yet. The woman sprawled before him was near death: blood seeped from her armour in at least two-dozen places – her skin torn – her legs broken – yet in her eyes he saw that she still fought on. He brushed her mind. She resisted. He pressed harder. She broke. The temple was destroyed, the cult was crushed – it was all he needed to know. And the sisters? She was the last one. It was better that it ended this way; she should not have to go on. He stooped and pulled her bolt pistol loose from its holster. It was empty: its last shells spent sending the heretics to the eternal damnation which surely awaited them. He loaded a single bolt shell into the chamber, and turned to the scribe: “A brave warrior; a jewel to her Emperor. It is fitting that it end this way. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1409302 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiva Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 (sorry for the length and unusual style, but I wanted to capture a specific atmosphere) That you did...very well, I might add. That's an excellent start - nice groundwork for the beginning of her decent into Chaos. You've definately left me anxious for your next installment. :teehee: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1409622 Share on other sites More sharing options...
cryptomancer Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 *applause* Well done! Dark. I like the Inquisitor already :teehee: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1409663 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToyShip Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 Just a little thing, for the saints wings, being a Khorne worshipper I would see her having more bat-like wings(Stereotypical evil-wings :D ) , as opposed to angelic feathered wings, which are usually ascociated with purity and piousness etc. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1410049 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Canoness Posted November 3, 2007 Author Share Posted November 3, 2007 The second installment continues from where the first left off, and acts as the link between it and the climax (though it of course furthers the plot). Once again I've tried to creat multiple levels of depth in this story as I had tried with the last, though this insallment does focus more on action and inaction rather than description and setting. Here it is! 2nd Installment of the Fallen Saint _ _ _ _ _ _ “Count in all joy my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1410167 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiva Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 *applause* Bravo! You really do paint a wonderful (or gruesome, in this case ;) ) picture with words. Again, I wait patiently for more. :( Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/122098-the-fallen-saint/#findComment-1410351 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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