Index Traitoris: Angels Ascendant

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

Broken a thousand views, so I suppose this is what I'll get. Go go gadget Librarium submission!

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

This post gives background on the Illumine (Malathion in particular, I'll get to the other two sometime) and an Order of Sororitas which I created to kill and subvert to my own purpose.

 

The Illumine

 

U

pon the Founding of the Angels Wrathful, unrest was rife in the Imperium. The shadows preceding the Age of Apostasy and the Plague of Unbelief were falling, though the true holocaust was centuries away. Though many amongst the Angels Encarmine desired, of course, to remain with their Chapter, there were other, more ambitious souls who craved the opportunity to lead a whole Chapter of Space Marines against the nascent threats rising against the Emperor Edited August 25, 2009 by Imperialis_Dominatus

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

I expanded the article a bit more, adding to some sections.

 

I've also created an Angels Ascendant version of the Daily Rituals, based mostly off the fantastic article on this site and the one in the 3rd ed. Space Marine Codex. Obviously a little too detailed for an IA but there's some flavor in there you might enjoy. It also goes into various holy days and how they are observed. I created a list listing off some of the Chapter's relics and a description of the fellow known as the Harbinger.

 

Daily Rituals

 

Notes

T

he details and time of the different activities is often changed by the Company Captain to keep the marines under his control alert and ready for any situation. The rest period and meals are prone to elimination but unlike other Chapters, the Angels Ascendant never shorten their prayer sessions.

0400: Morning Prayer: The start of the day is marked with prayer and reflection led by the Company's Chaplain in the Company Edited August 19, 2009 by Imperialis_Dominatus

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

Bump. Look, if I don't get some replies, I swear I'll post my excruciatingly detailed Chapter organization. The whole thing's long, I know, and a real chore to read- but trust me, it can get worse. Push me and I'll start posting stories. I swear to the Emperor!

 

...

 

;)

 

But no, really, some feedback on pretty much anything would be pretty cool. Even if you don't make it past the first paragraph- comment on that! Do it! Do it naow! Ged een theh choppa! :)

 

...okay. Step back, I_D. ;) Not enough sleep have you had. Just post this, and go to bed. Everything will be fine in the morning.

 

And if not, make good on your promise of dull Chapter rosters. :devil:

 

Yes, yes. *cackles gleefully* You have forty eight... no, that's boring... thirty-seven hours, ten minutes, and twelve seconds to comply... or else... *collapses in slumber after post button is hit*

[Guest Mordray]

honestly I have nothing to comment on...

 

I don't have the grammar or spelling skills of others nor is my knowledge of 40k lore so great that I can see any flaws in your creation.

 

In all honesty I am disturbed by this chapter's dismissal of the Emperor's decree that he is no god. Are they so weak that they can not stand upon their own feet without some 'divine' being to aspire to? To me this chapter looks like a 'loyalist' Word Bearers chapter...

 

Too much about religion just agitates me.

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

I don't have the grammar or spelling skills of others nor is my knowledge of 40k lore so great that I can see any flaws in your creation.

 

Well, that's good news I suppose. I did spend a lot of time on making it fit into 40k and I'm working on an English major. So I'd expect my grammar and canon-fit to be decent.

 

In all honesty I am disturbed by this chapter's dismissal of the Emperor's decree that he is no god. Are they so weak that they can not stand upon their own feet without some 'divine' being to aspire to? To me this chapter looks like a 'loyalist' Word Bearers chapter...

 

Too much about religion just agitates me.

 

True. While the vast majority of Space Marine Chapters are rather atheistic in their beliefs about the Emperor, some stand against the trend. This does put them in an odd light in dealing with other Space Marine Chapters (during the history before they were Excommunicated), but as with the Ecclesiarchy, they undoubtedly reached some impasse or compromise with them. Besides, in the thousands of years of history since the Great Crusade, many records have been lost or distorted; you don't see the Ultramarines trying to scream down the likes of Sebastian Thor or an Inquisitor about the 'Imperial Truth,' do you? :(

 

You could see religion that way. Though I must ask, are you referencing 40k's specific religions or is this your worldview? Because in the case of the former, there's a lot in 40k that should disturb. In the case of the latter... I definitely don't agree with some of the practices of the Imperium (or any faction, for that matter) in real life- genocide, intolerance, xenophobia, religious indoctrination, negligence, oppression, and occasionally terrible fashion sense (come on, Imperial Fists, yellow doesn't look that good). But I can't hold that worldview against the Imperium itself, because if it were to change, 40k just wouldn't be the same.

 

Neither would my Chapter. If they got mutations and such one day and didn't believe it was the divine intervention of the Emperor, they'd be a dead, dead Chapter. They'd be riven with doubt about their own purity and righteousness, and their enemies would tear them apart. This way, they are unified (after certain events I can't go into in my IA because a) the Imperium wouldn't know and b ) it'd be a massive spoiler for my stories).

Edited February 20, 2009 by Imperialis_Dominatus

[Guest Mordray]

I personally am an anti-religious individual... for me most of religion is nothing more then a crutch built upon false hope and oppression.

 

That said I do like the 40k universe... well at least the Emperor got it right... everyone else just needs a serious kick in the rear...

 

It's because of their ability to chose their own beliefs that I enjoy marines so much... though freedom of choice is also a problem... but that is a rather slippery slope all it's own...

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

I personally am an anti-religious individual... for me most of religion is nothing more then a crutch built upon false hope and oppression.

 

I see. Well, that's particularly true in the case of 40k.

[Octavulg]

Ha! I AM VICTORIOUS!

 

Ahem...

 

* * *

 

(formerly Brotherhood of Wrath)

 

A name change is always a hit-and-miss idea. In this case, it would seem to add very little.

 

"You accuse me of heresy? You dare? Mutant, you call me; I am an avatar changed to His service. Witch, you accuse me; I am a medium for His wrath. Daemonancer, you spit: I am blessed by His presence. Traitor, you choke; I am guided by His ideals and not by my own falsity. Heretic, you croak... heretic, the insult that rings most hollow. The thought is laughable, for I am a son of the Emperor and Sanguinius. To doubt me is heresy. Do your worst, torturer, dungeon-dweller, corrupt; the Blessed Emperor is with me and I shall never falter."- attr. Heretic Reclusiarch De Molay, 314.M41

 

Might want to tighten it up a bit, like so:

 

"You dare accuse me of heresy? Mutant, you call me; I am an avatar changed to His service. Witch, you accuse me; I am a medium for His wrath. Sorceror, you spit: I am blessed by His presence. Traitor, you choke; I am guided by His ideals and not by my own falsity. Heretic, you croak... heretic, the insult that rings most hollow. I am a son of the Emperor and Sanguinius. To doubt me is heresy. Do your worst, torturer, dungeon-dweller: the Blessed Emperor is with me and I shall never falter."- attr. Heretic Reclusiarch De Molay, 314.M41

 

Keeps the spirit and import while eliminating a few of the words. Of course, I take a somewhat minimalist view toward things.

 

A member of the former Brotherhood of Wrath, Angels

Ascendant, and Angels Ascendant Death Company, respectively.

The Chapter formerly known as the Brotherhood of Wrath was formed in the 12th Founding of late M35 from the geneseed of the Angels Encarmine, a Second Founding Blood Angels Successor.

 

I always question color changes. Name changes are one thing, but changing the color scheme is changing something sacred (and quite possibly not theirs to change) - the Mentors were assigned the heraldry and number of a previous chapter. They'd be intentionally defacing a part of their heritage. Might be best to just keep the AA color scheme as the only scheme they've had.

 

Aso, why not Angels of Wrath? Just out of curiousity.

 

The Chapter's name was a joint choice by the officer cadre from the Angels Encarmine. Each was possessed of the same defining trait- anger, fury, rage. Amitiel was incensed that the foes of the Emperor dared encroach on His domain with the audacity they possessed at the time. Malathion had a vision of an Imperium forged ever stronger in war by champions whose furor was unending, and saw the Brotherhood as such. Even Baphomel, most seemingly even-tempered of the Illumine, was possessed of a slow-burning fury that often manifested itself through psychic holocausts; he believed such shared anger solidified bonds of brotherhood and provided for common enemies. They reached an accord, and the Brotherhood of Wrath was born.

 

You haven't explained what the term Illumine means. Psychic holocausts implies the elimination of millions of people, and might be better replaced with another term. Anger, fury, rage is either redundant or different traits, and either way the sentence needs to change. Chapter names are chosen through consultation with the Emperor's tarot and meditation. You also haven't explained the role of these men in the chapter. Since you never mention them again (with the exception of Malathion, who comes up once), this would be best generalized. Also, is their heritage as Angels Encarmine necessary? If not, leave it out.

 

Basically, go through. Ask "what do I need". Leave that. Cut everything else. Some exceptions can be made for coolness and for nostalgia, but generally, if it's an unimportant detail, it will distract the reader.

 

Something like: "The Chapter's name was chosen by its first leaders, each of whom was defined by his righteous fury at the enemies of the Emperor. They agreed that their marines would be guided, driven and bonded by their rage, and the Brotherhood of Wrath was born."

 

See? Same meaning, lot less space, lot less distraction.

 

The newly christened Chapter crusaded around the Maelstrom's edges for twenty bloody years, long enough for their forces to fight on two hundred worlds in nearly twice as many engagements, before they found a home world that immediately struck a chord with one of their senior cadre leaders.

 

The Brotherhood took the home world of Altius III at the behest of their Master of Sanctity, Malathion. The new Chapter vowed to protect the area from the predations of the denizens of the Maelstrom and spearhead assaults into that dangerous territory to claim new worlds for the Emperor- which, it must be noted, they accomplished on several occasions.

 

You could easily reduce this to: "The newly christened chapter crusaded around the Maelstrom's edges for twenty bloody years, fighting on two hundred worlds in nearly twice as many engagements, before taking the world of Altius III as their home. The new Chapter vowed to protect the area from the predations of the denizens of the Maelstrom and spearhead assaults into that dangerous territory to claim new worlds for the Emperor."

 

I'll stop doing this now, but the point is - shorter. In regard to chapter history, especially. Look at it this way - it lets you add more stuff of import, should you so choose.

 

You can be flowery, but don't add details that don't matter. The Illumine stuff really only needs mention in beliefs and the sidebar - so it might be best to keep it there. Hell, Malathion may be the only one who needs mention.

 

On the field of battle the Brotherhood was famed as any Astartes force inevitably is. True to the heritage of their parent Chapter, they kept the vast majority of their warriors on active duty. Their victories filled volumes, and their sparse defeats were bought at a terrible price for the foe. Even unforgiving Imperial histories and the sharp tongues of Inquisitors cannot expunge legends of the Brotherhood from the people of the planets they liberated from alien dominion and heretical endeavors

 

I'd take out 'the people', as it throws the sentence off-kilter. Liberated from heretical endeavors feels a little weird, and might be better as "heretical control" or "the grip of heresy". Otherwise, it's a wonderful paragraph. :P

 

Upon the Founding of the Chapter, unrest was rife in the Imperium. The shadows preceding the Age of Apostasy and the Plague of Unbelief were falling, though the true holocaust was centuries away. Though many among the Angels Encarmine desired, of course, to remain with their Chapter, there were other, more ambitious souls who craved the opportunity to lead a whole Chapter of Space Marines against the nascent threats rising against the Emperor’s true rule.

 

Ambition is a bad thing in a Chapter Master. Leads to heresy and all kinds of things like that.

 

Reclusiarch Malathion, of the 8th Company, was chosen to be the Chapter’s Master of Sanctity. He was the only survivor of a pilgrimage to Terra that was savaged by Dark Eldar; when rescued by the Angels Encarmine, he was grievously wounded with alien blood on his hands. He showed great promise, and quickly became a Chaplain, but his unflinching belief in the Emperor’s true divinity- alien to the norm among Space Marines- kept him from rising further in the ranks, his beliefs barely tolerated by the rest of the Reclusiam. Whether or not this also preceded his being requested to lead the new Chapter is in doubt, but he accepted the duty wholeheartedly, and several of the Marines in his Company chose to follow their apostle into the ranks of the new Chapter.

 

Leading a new chapter is a great honor, not an opportunity to get rid of the chapter members you don't like.

 

It might be better if he (and his) find their new beliefs en-route to the chapter. Explains how he could be chosen to mentor a new chapter and still believe something so at odds with the rest of the Angels Encarmine. Being chosen to mentor a chapter is an honorable post, and they don't choose mavericks for it.

 

Baphomen, Epistolary of the 3rd Company, was a wise and even-tempered warrior-mystic meant to add experience and a counterbalance to Malathion’s almost uncomfortably fervent devotion. He bore with him the Helionomicon, a book of wisdom the Angels Encarmine were, though sorrowful to see go, willing to see it empower a new generation.

 

The Helionomicon need not be mentioned, since it doesn't seem to matter again.

 

Thus was the Grand Master of the Brotherhood of Wrath chosen, and the other three the Chapter Masters below him.

 

What the hell does that mean? By definition you can't have more than one Chapter Master.

 

On the eve of vile Abaddon's 8th Black Crusade, a huge party of Violators rushed for Altius III. In vengeance for a humiliating defeat a half-millennium past, they razed the system, desecrating in that short week what had taken centuries to build. The vast majority of the Brotherhood of Wrath, away on duty as Chapter dictate demanded, was too far away to respond, and the garrison was overwhelmed by the tide of Chaotics. The valiant defense, composed mostly of non-enhanced Altii and Chapter Serfs, was shattered with contemptuous ease by the foul traitors.

 

Wouldn't they be Altians or Altianii? Altii would be the plural of the planet itself.

 

Also, valiant defenses don't generally get shattered with contemptuous ease. The two images are in conflict, a little.

 

A Chapter descended from the Brotherhood itself, the Lions of Causata, was obliterated in an ill-fated Crusade on the western fringes of the Maelstrom. An Imperial strike force, including a key contingent from the Brotherhood, was able to capture much of their resources from the Chaotics who had seen to the Lions’ destruction- the pride of which was the decimated Chapter’s Battle Barge, His Shining Blade, which, in defiance of the Navy, the Chapter took for their own by right of kinship and patronage from many influential allies.

 

The chapter being descended from the Brotherhood seems an improbable coincidence, even for 40K.

 

* * *

 

Interim skipped in the interests of finally providing you with feedback, and because if I tell you to tighten it up once more you may commit violence upon my person should we ever meet.

 

Basically, cut needless details. They distract. The writing can be tightened up, and thus should be. The writing's a little funny here and there, but overall one gets the sense you're trying too hard to be flowery. Don't be. Write naturally and simply - the effect will be much improved. This is long enough without excess details - remember, there is far less motivation to read this for some guy off the street than an official IA. Keep that in mind.

 

Word count = 6670. GW IAs are ~4000 odd. And, as I have mentioned on many occasions, they are inherently more interesting than our works of private fiction.

 

Also, I told you I'd find it. :D

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

Oh boy...

 

As usual, all valid points, Octavulg. For brevity I only am responding directly to those issues I contest or otherwise feel the need to speak up on. First and foremost:

 

Might want to tighten it up a bit...(repeated ad infinitum :P)

 

I'll see what I can do. Basically, it's tug of war. My first IA had too much detail, so I shortened it up, and now it's creeped back to this length again. And part of me doesn't want to drop the stuff that needs to be dropped. You know how it is. But as the King (Stephen King, that is) said... kill your darlings. Always kill your darlings.

 

A name change is always a hit-and-miss idea. In this case, it would seem to add very little... (and later) I always question color changes. Name changes are one thing, but changing the color scheme is changing something sacred (and quite possibly not theirs to change) - the Mentors were assigned the heraldry and number of a previous chapter. They'd be intentionally defacing a part of their heritage. Might be best to just keep the AA color scheme as the only scheme they've had.

 

It's a tough one to lose. I see them commandeering Imperial forces (they're the Angels of Death, what Guard commander will say no?) who think they're loyal to the Imperium to accomplish the Chapter's own ends. This would be difficult if news of their Excommunication reaches the ears of those they're fighting alongside.

 

Of course, their new name and colors will eventually be known to the right people, but given:

 

a) the Chapter's spread-out style,

B) evasive nature and preference to operate on backwaters,

c) having their records expunged, and

d) the fact that their history of Excommunication lasts a relatively short span of time in 40k's history during a time when so many threats are converging on the Imperium at once

 

...this should be mitigated somewhat.

 

Aso, why not Angels of Wrath? Just out of curiousity.

 

I considered it and am considering it. But I hit on Angels Ascendant and stuck with it.

 

Psychic holocausts implies the elimination of millions of people, and might be better replaced with another term.

 

Indeed, although I counter that holocaust only implies that from an out-of-universe perspective. Grey Knights have a power called Holocaust (not trying to imply that Baphomen could cast it, but still). Its literal meaning is 'completely burnt' anyway. Something that many powerful psykers can and will do.

 

Though a different term might still be appropriate.

 

I'd take out 'the people', as it throws the sentence off-kilter. Liberated from heretical endeavors feels a little weird, and might be better as "heretical control" or "the grip of heresy". Otherwise, it's a wonderful paragraph. :)

 

Good, good. And thanks for the compliment. :)

 

Ambition is a bad thing in a Chapter Master. Leads to heresy and all kinds of things like that.

 

Kind of a thing with my Chapter, eh? Drive will drive you but where will it lead? I understand your point but ambition is not all bad. After all:

 

"There are those amongst our Ordo who say that I seek advancement for my own purposes, and they are correct. My purpose is to destroy the daemonic and if I must rise to command an entire sector to do so, then so be it. I am a servant of the Emperor and only those who consort with Warp-spawn need to fear my ambition."

 

Love that quote. :)

 

Leading a new chapter is a great honor, not an opportunity to get rid of the chapter members you don't like.

 

It might be better if he (and his) find their new beliefs en-route to the chapter. Explains how he could be chosen to mentor a new chapter and still believe something so at odds with the rest of the Angels Encarmine. Being chosen to mentor a chapter is an honorable post, and they don't choose mavericks for it.

 

Hmm. I've never read anything directly canon about it (that I remember) and got the general idea on a discussion about such postings over on Warseer. It seemed like a decent idea at the time. Oh, doesn't that sound familiar...

 

I will consider changing this but it's not one of the things I'm keen on changing.

 

The chapter being descended from the Brotherhood seems an improbable coincidence, even for 40K.

 

Then I was unclear. Didn't mean to imply coincidence. The Brotherhood would take special interest in a mission involving one of their Successors, don't you think? That was the idea, anyway.

 

Interim skipped in the interests of finally providing you with feedback, and because if I tell you to tighten it up once more you may commit violence upon my person should we ever meet.

 

Don't worry, the critiques you post are valid (especially about shortening it) and are not nearly as brutal as the ones in my head can be. No violence forthcoming. Just stay where you are while I pinpoint your locale and send you a present from my laser sat- er Happy Fun Time Delivery Service.

Edited March 19, 2009 by Imperialis_Dominatus

[Octavulg]

As usual, all valid points, Octavulg.

 

I also tell people what I think and pick at my nails in public. Truly, I am all that is worst of humanity... :P

 

I'll see what I can do. Basically, it's tug of war. My first IA had too much detail, so I shortened it up, and now it's creeped back to this length again. And part of me doesn't want to drop the stuff that needs to be dropped. You know how it is. But as the King (Stephen King, that is) said... kill your darlings. Always kill your darlings.

 

I know the feeling (look at how long the Ice Lords IA is. B)).

 

Convey the same information with less words. It makes you a better person. It's also fun to do with political philosophy, but that's beside the point. Get good at it, and you will seldom be misunderstood, since clarifying your thoughts will be easier.

 

It's a tough one to lose. I see them commandeering Imperial forces (they're the Angels of Death, what Guard commander will say no?) who think they're loyal to the Imperium to accomplish the Chapter's own ends. This would be difficult if news of their Excommunication reaches the ears of those they're fighting alongside.

 

There is no massive list of excommunicate chapters. If a Space Marine chapter shows up and demands assistance (or shows up to assist), no Guard Colonel demands credentials first. Maybe for long campaigns and such, but if they call themselves the Angels Ascendant no one's ever likely to figure it out. Sure, there colors are the same - but there's no organized list of THAT, either (probably - certainly not one Guard have access to).

 

Nothing really stops the Night Lords from dropping down on a world to fight off an Ork incursion, if they're so inclined. Or the Alpha Legion. Repaint their armor for a day, and no one would know.

 

cool.gif evasive nature and preference to operate on backwaters,

 

As an aside, getting into the habit of writing a ) b ) c ) instead of

a) b) c)

has served me well. :)

 

...this should be mitigated somewhat.

 

I just don't see it as necessary on a number of levels. You're not going to paint it, it doesn't signify anything, and it kinda makes less sense for them to use it on a few levels (as mentioned above). Plus, you can fight historical battles this way (if you actually have some painted).

 

I considered it and am considering it. But I hit on Angels Ascendant and stuck with it.

 

I believe I meant instead of Brotherhood of Wrath (it's been a while). Seems a bit more consistent, and gives more of a link between the two names.

 

Indeed, although I counter that holocaust only implies that from an out-of-universe perspective.

 

True, but that's not how we read. While the IA should be written from an in-universe perspective, the reading is almost always from an out-of-universe perspective. Fortunately, there's not usually too much tension between the two.

 

Though a different term might still be appropriate.

 

Hey, they're your decisions. If you swear to me that something is critical to the integrity of the work and its removal will hurt everything and make you cry, I'm hardly in a position to contradict you (I'll likely ask Sig for his thoughts, but that's about the extent of it).

 

Good, good. And thanks for the compliment. smile.gif

 

Hey. It was a wonderful paragraph. :)

 

Love that quote. yes.gif

 

Personally, I always got the impression Coteaz faked the evidence for the trial that brought him to power. I do not get the impression he is anything beyond ambition, paying lip service to the codes of the Imperium to serve his rise to power.

 

Hmm. I've never read anything directly canon about it (that I remember) and got the general idea on a discussion about such postings over on Warseer. It seemed like a decent idea at the time. Oh, doesn't that sound familiar...

 

I will consider changing this but it's not one of the things I'm keen on changing.

 

Indeed. The thoughts on how new chapters are lead are derived from the musings of Aurelius Rex. GW has kindly seen fit not to massively contradict this.

 

Really, it's a logical thing. Chapter is to be founded, and Chapter Q is to provide cadre. Chapter Q has the choice of the best young minds of their chapter for this great honor - they will send someone they see as worthy of this. This is unlikely to be someone who does not conform to their ideals.

 

So the question is - why would they choose him if his ideals differed. Two obvious explanations are either that his ideals differed in ways that didn't matter, or for some reason the Angels Encarmine felt it acceptable to send him elsewhere ("We recognize his abilities and merits, but they are not ours. Let him go elsewhere, and lead others in new ways to serve the Emperor." Or somesuch.)

 

Then I was unclear. Didn't mean to imply coincidence. The Brotherhood would take special interest in a mission involving one of their Successors, don't you think? That was the idea, anyway.

 

Ah. Fair enough.

 

Don't worry, the critiques you post are valid (especially about shortening it) and are not nearly as brutal as the ones in my head can be. No violence forthcoming. Just stay where you are while I pinpoint your locale and send you a present from my laser sat- er Happy Fun Time Delivery Service.

 

Ooooh. A package! For me!

 

It must be my birthday...

 

* * *

 

Oh, a point to remind you of (as all men forget it, myself included) - we can't read your mind, try not to forget to explain events. I haven't noticed it as a problem, but it's usually a pretty good warning. :)

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

Convey the same information with less words. It makes you a better person. It's also fun to do with political philosophy, but that's beside the point. Get good at it, and you will seldom be misunderstood, since clarifying your thoughts will be easier.

 

Indeed.

 

There is no massive list of excommunicate chapters. If a Space Marine chapter shows up and demands assistance (or shows up to assist), no Guard Colonel demands credentials first. Maybe for long campaigns and such, but if they call themselves the Angels Ascendant no one's ever likely to figure it out. Sure, there colors are the same - but there's no organized list of THAT, either (probably - certainly not one Guard have access to).

 

Nothing really stops the Night Lords from dropping down on a world to fight off an Ork incursion, if they're so inclined. Or the Alpha Legion. Repaint their armor for a day, and no one would know.

 

...

 

I just don't see it as necessary on a number of levels. You're not going to paint it, it doesn't signify anything, and it kinda makes less sense for them to use it on a few levels (as mentioned above). Plus, you can fight historical battles this way (if you actually have some painted).

 

True, an Imperial Guard commander won't know, but these guys have the Inquisition (who nobody expects) after them. It seems to me that the vast network of communications most Inquisitors have would include rogue Chapters and they could put two and two together if they heard of an Imperial engagement with that Chapter on either side. Look at Eisenhorn- he has all his buddies to talk to, the communiques from the Ordo Xenos Helican, various other contacts and henchmen... word gets around when you cut out the Administratum middleman for information.

 

I believe I meant instead of Brotherhood of Wrath (it's been a while). Seems a bit more consistent, and gives more of a link between the two names.

 

Yeah, but Angels Ascendant, coupled with their mutations and 'daemons,' in addition to the fact that Astartes overall are known as Angels of Death, just seems to scream "THEY'RE ANGELS! ANGELS!" already. A theme overused is a dead theme, and I'm afraid I'm pushing it already.

 

True, but that's not how we read. While the IA should be written from an in-universe perspective, the reading is almost always from an out-of-universe perspective. Fortunately, there's not usually too much tension between the two.

 

I'll give you that- as much as I try to immerse myself in a story my real-world perceptions will affect things.

 

Personally, I always got the impression Coteaz faked the evidence for the trial that brought him to power. I do not get the impression he is anything beyond ambition, paying lip service to the codes of the Imperium to serve his rise to power.

 

Interesting theory!

 

Indeed. The thoughts on how new chapters are lead are derived from the musings of Aurelius Rex. GW has kindly seen fit not to massively contradict this.

 

Really, it's a logical thing. Chapter is to be founded, and Chapter Q is to provide cadre. Chapter Q has the choice of the best young minds of their chapter for this great honor - they will send someone they see as worthy of this. This is unlikely to be someone who does not conform to their ideals.

 

So the question is - why would they choose him if his ideals differed. Two obvious explanations are either that his ideals differed in ways that didn't matter, or for some reason the Angels Encarmine felt it acceptable to send him elsewhere ("We recognize his abilities and merits, but they are not ours. Let him go elsewhere, and lead others in new ways to serve the Emperor." Or somesuch.)

 

Ah. Well, I think the second idea would work best, since he is recognized as an awesome-but-eccentric Chaplain.

 

Oh, a point to remind you of (as all men forget it, myself included) - we can't read your mind, try not to forget to explain events. I haven't noticed it as a problem, but it's usually a pretty good warning. :)

 

Well, it was a problem with the Lions of Causata thing. I didn't really explain why they were there.

[Octavulg]

True, an Imperial Guard commander won't know, but these guys have the Inquisition (who nobody expects) after them. It seems to me that the vast network of communications most Inquisitors have would include rogue Chapters and they could put two and two together if they heard of an Imperial engagement with that Chapter on either side. Look at Eisenhorn- he has all his buddies to talk to, the communiques from the Ordo Xenos Helican, various other contacts and henchmen... word gets around when you cut out the Administratum middleman for information.

 

True. But I didn't think that mattered - they're the Angels Ascendant after their excommunication, not before. So to an extent it doesn't matter - if they show up where an Inquisitor is, they're screwed in any case due to that same network of informants. If they don't, no one will know. So either way, they could keep their heraldry and avoid changing their scheme. Plus you get the nice duality of white and black between Death Company and the rest of the chapter.

 

Oh, a point about where the angels appear - a little more detail seems in order. As it is right now, you can almost miss it. That's not good for something so important.

 

Yeah, but Angels Ascendant, coupled with their mutations and 'daemons,' in addition to the fact that Astartes overall are known as Angels of Death, just seems to scream "THEY'RE ANGELS! ANGELS!" already. A theme overused is a dead theme, and I'm afraid I'm pushing it already.

 

That point came about when actual angels showed up to help them in battle. If anything, this would de-emphasize the theme. They were Angels before, and they're Angels after. Right now it's "LOOK! NOW THEY'RE ANGELS! ANGELS, I TELL YOU!". Change it to Angels of Wrath and it's "LOOK! THEY'VE ASCENDED! THEY THINK THEY'RE BETTER THAN YOU!".

 

It actually de-emphasizes the angelic thing, like I said. Plus, calling them Angels would actually be more likely - BA successors seem to be named Angels of Something with remarkable consistency.

 

I'll give you that- as much as I try to immerse myself in a story my real-world perceptions will affect things.

 

Yup. Read a novel about Ancient Greece, and you'll probably be left going "Uh...that ain't right" a few times - even though by their standards, it certainly was. Alternately, look at how many of the Roman nobility adopted their heirs - men who were usually perhaps ten years younger than them. It just doesn't make sense from a modern perspective - but it happened.

 

Interesting theory!

 

Well...look at how he rises. He assumes a position he has "long coveted" by killing the previous holder after a cross-examination where the previous holder apparently was found guilty. That, and the bit where people confess before the sand runs out - seems more to me like he's good at torture and doublespeak than he is actually dedicated.

 

"So, when did you first become a heretic?" is probably the opening question, and it just goes from there. :P

 

"Have you told your mother you're a heretic?"

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

Got all the critiques you have written down, so I'll apply them to the IA soon.

 

True. But I didn't think that mattered - they're the Angels Ascendant after their excommunication, not before. So to an extent it doesn't matter - if they show up where an Inquisitor is, they're screwed in any case due to that same network of informants. If they don't, no one will know. So either way, they could keep their heraldry and avoid changing their scheme. Plus you get the nice duality of white and black between Death Company and the rest of the chapter.

 

Hmm. You know, you're starting to convince me.

 

Oh, a point about where the angels appear - a little more detail seems in order. As it is right now, you can almost miss it. That's not good for something so important.

 

:(

 

That isn't good at all. Need to fix that.

 

That point came about when actual angels showed up to help them in battle. If anything, this would de-emphasize the theme. They were Angels before, and they're Angels after. Right now it's "LOOK! NOW THEY'RE ANGELS! ANGELS, I TELL YOU!". Change it to Angels of Wrath and it's "LOOK! THEY'VE ASCENDED! THEY THINK THEY'RE BETTER THAN YOU!".

 

It actually de-emphasizes the angelic thing, like I said. Plus, calling them Angels would actually be more likely - BA successors seem to be named Angels of Something with remarkable consistency.

 

I gotcha. And the whole "THEY THINK THEY'RE BETTER THAN YOU!" would definitely fit...

 

"Have you told your mother you're a heretic?"

 

"No... er... oh bugger..."

 

*Coteaz starts doing the 'victory boogie,' which looks very odd in golden power armor*

[Octavulg]

Hmm. You know, you're starting to convince me.

 

Good. :)

 

That isn't good at all. Need to fix that.

 

Indeed. I'd say it deserves a full paragraph, or even its own section (most IAs give massively important events their own section, which chronicles the lead-up to and a bit of the time afterward.

 

I gotcha. And the whole "THEY THINK THEY'RE BETTER THAN YOU!" would definitely fit...

 

They're like educated whales.

 

One warning - the Angels of Wrath are supposedly a DA successor chapter. But since that's from Citadel Journal, I wouldn't lose any sleep.

 

"No... er... oh bugger..."

 

*Coteaz starts doing the 'victory boogie,' which looks very odd in golden power armor*

 

"No, because I'm no-"

"Just yes or no answers, please."

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

Alright. They never change their colors (though they adopt a golden wing). They go from the Angels Wrathful to the Angels Ascendant. Some things have been cleared up that were confusing, off, or easy to miss before. And... I managed to cut... erm... 120 words.

[Ace Debonair]

Well, I've only read the up-to-date version.

 

I think it can be summarized as damn good. :P

It might be a bit long for some, but it had me hooked from start to finish.

 

But there are bits that refer to the "Brootherhood", which now has nothing to do with the name of your chapter.

Needless to say that's a bit confusing.

 

Also the side-stories about Malathion and the age of Apostasy seem to just cut-off, but that could just be my PC. :D

I couldn't spot any other faults, but I am still rather a novice at this whole thing.

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

Well, I've only read the up-to-date version.

 

Yeah, I just keep editing the original post.

 

I think it can be summarized as damn good. :P

 

Awesome, thank you. It's been the work of... like a couple years now.

 

It might be a bit long for some, but it had me hooked from start to finish.

 

Thank you. Good to hear not everyone wants me to tighten up (no offense Octavulg... and fitness trainer...).

 

But there are bits that refer to the "Brootherhood", which now has nothing to do with the name of your chapter.

Needless to say that's a bit confusing.

 

:cuss

 

Aaaaand that's why I need multiple people reading and commenting. In my head it all translates to 'my DIY Chapter.' Consider that fixed.

 

Also the side-stories about Malathion and the age of Apostasy seem to just cut-off, but that could just be my PC. :D

 

How do they seem cut-off? Is it a visual or word-flow problem?

 

I couldn't spot any other faults, but I am still rather a novice at this whole thing.

 

Nah, I'll just put that down to me being awesome. ;)

[Ace Debonair]

Also the side-stories about Malathion and the age of Apostasy seem to just cut-off, but that could just be my PC. :D

 

How do they seem cut-off? Is it a visual or word-flow problem?

 

 

Visual. Malathion's box finishes with the words:

"them, would form the basis of the new chapter's"

 

And the other one finishes:

"of the Emperor's Wrath and Vandire's death are"

 

Oddly enough, the rest of the text shows up if you highlight the box. :D

This really might just be my pc. :o

Anyone else got the same problem?

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

Well, on my PC they show up alright, but I'd be curious to know if anyone else has the same problem or what might be causing it.

[Ace Debonair]

Just me, it seems...

 

As you were, then.

No cause for alarm. :)

 

This is one of my favourite DIY traitor chapters so far.

I'm not much of a chaos fan so I naturally incline towards the 'misunderstood loyalist' angle myself, and this is a heck of a take on it.

I wonder... surely at one point one of them is bound to catch on... Could make a good side-story bit.

Hopefully one my PC sees fit to let me read. :P

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

This is one of my favourite DIY traitor chapters so far.

I'm not much of a chaos fan so I naturally incline towards the 'misunderstood loyalist' angle myself, and this is a heck of a take on it.

 

Yeah. I'd like to think I bridge the gap of 'loyal to the Emperor and the Imperium' and 'raargh kill all for teh Chaos!' The galaxy isn't a dichotomy of the two, after all.

 

I wonder... surely at one point one of them is bound to catch on... Could make a good side-story bit.

Hopefully one my PC sees fit to let me read.

 

Side story? It's one of the big plot arcs! Of course, the character sees what he wants to see more than actually catching on...

 

Er.

 

Best keep mum. Wouldn't want to spoil anything.

[Ace Debonair]

I wonder... surely at one point one of them is bound to catch on... Could make a good side-story bit.

Hopefully one my PC sees fit to let me read. ;)

 

Side story? It's one of the big plot arcs! Of course, the character sees what he wants to see more than actually catching on...

 

Best keep mum. Wouldn't want to spoil anything.

 

 

Oops, sorry. I didn't realise there was going to be more than just the IA for these guys.

As you were, then. ;)

[Imperialis_Dominatus]

I've updated the story of Malathion slightly after noticing an oversight that works in my favor.

 

Angels Encarmine are a Blood Angel Successor. Blood Angels Successors have to deal with the Black Rage and the Red Thirst. Their Chaplains are often preoccupied with this instead of the normal duties of the Chaplaincy. Ergo, Malathion's odd beliefs, though they set him at odds with the rest of the Chapter, didn't gain the spotlight very often. When he was assigned to the new Chapter, it turns out they suffer lower rates of the Black Rage and Red Thirst (though those who do are so bonkers they need to be chained down or killed instead of simply having their armor painted black). He and his disciples thus have more time to spend influencing the Chapter's doctrine. And so my Chapter believes in the godhood of the Emperor.

 

And if even this far down the line I can spot flaws, there may be some I haven't seen. That's where y'all come in.

 

Oh, and there is far, far more coming for these guys Ace.

Edited August 25, 2009 by Imperialis_Dominatus

[Shaolin_Monkey]

great work, i've often toyed with the idea of a DIY loyalist (kinda) chapter that consisted of the faithful believers of the Emperors godhood.

I like it all, but i feel that it leans towards suggesting that at least someone knew that it was never the emperor who began to offer guidance.

I think if you are banking on the chapter as a whole having such a firm belief in the big E's godhood then the thought that part of the upper heirarchy deliberately turned to chaos is a bit iffy - maybe its just me though.

Otherwise love the fluff, its inspired me to actually geta round to making a loyallist winged daemon prince