Index Astartes: Wings of Death

[Ferrata]

Howdie, and before you start, thank you for reading this. The Wings of Death have been the longest project I've ever done, it has taken me well over three years to get to this stage. They were the first real chapter I started to fluff out (after a few duff starts), and have been through various versions. I have finally gotten them to a place I like. This version has no pretty pictures, fancy headers or side bars as I want it to be about the fluff and not the look. All comments are greatly welcomed - Ferrata

 

 

Warriors of Pride

History of the Wings of Death

Space Marine Chapter

 

The legend of the Wings of Death, a name cursed across many worlds, is one of the tragic tales of the Adeptus Astartes. The initial centuries of war looked promising for the chapter, pushing the Angelicus Crusade to unpredicted heights, but eventually the sins of the chapter tore them from the Imperium. Hounded constantly by daemonic ‘allies’, the chapter became unfavoured in comparison to the Disciples of Man, a chapter created to assist them. The pride of each brother took its toll on the sanity of the chapter until breaking point were the Wings embarked on a bloody campaign against the Disciples and now the Angelicus Crusade, striking from the darkness and disappearing into the Warp. No planet within the Aetherius Stars is safe from the Wings and there are few who can defend them from the hated chapter.

 

Origins

 

The origins of the Wings of Death are rooted at the start of the thirty-third millennium. After several large scale incursions into the Imperium, numerous fronts had begun to falter under the pressure of the enemy. In response the High Lords decided there was an urgent requirement for new chapters of the Adeptus Astartes, and ordered the Eighth Founding. Many chapters were requested to send squads of veterans to teach the new chapters the art of warfare, one such chapter was the Lions of Veles. The Lions were naturally barbaric and favoured assault tactics and passed on a similar tactical dogma to the new chapter, the Wings of Death. With these veterans guiding their way, the Wings were ordered to the edges of the Imperium in the Ultima Segmentum to take the battle to the enemy forces.

 

The Wings never created a Fortress-monastery instead favouring the mobility provided by remaining fleet based. The monstrous battle barge Pride of the Emperor, provides the chapter with the necessary facilities to support themselves and the Aeternus System provided their primary recruitment worlds. The Aeternus System once consisted of a number of wealthy worlds, but when the Aetherius Stars was lost to the enemies of the Imperium the trade routes through the single entry from the Stars, the Obitus Pathway, fell silent and the wealth in the Aeternus System quickly faded, unable to support itself.

 

In the two hundred and eighty-eighth year of the thirty third millennium, a force consisting of Imperial Guard regiments from various worlds and the entire chapter of the Wings of Death set out from the final safe harbour of the Aeternus System and by doing so started the Angelicus Crusade. The objective of the crusade was simple; the Imperium’s war machine would not rest until the entire Aetherius Stars were under the watchful eye of the Emperor. Lord Marshall Mardanish of the Sokarian Hounds was declared commander of the crusading forces. The Chapter Master of the Wings of Death, Ambriel, followed the Lord Marshall through the Obitus Pathway even though his pride was wounded by not being given the command, even though it would have been against the codex and the Imperium’s war tactics to give a command to such a novice force.

 

Their brutal surgical strikes made the Wings the catalyst for almost all of the early victories in the crusade. Operation Overlord was aimed at the destruction of both the Ork Empire Shakgrot and the chaos war host of De’Kol, who each stood in the way of the Imperium forming a stable power base within the Aetherius Stars. Overlord surpassed all expectations, largely due to the fighting heart of the Wings of Death, quickly dealing with both threats. World after world fell to the onslaught of the chapter, each one pushing the Crusade further towards breaking point as it attempted to defend an ever increasing front. The Crusade Council pleaded with the Wings to halt their expansion to allow a time of recuperation, stabilisation and indoctrination of the new populations, but Ambriel outright refused this request. With each victory the Wings erected statues to dedicate the land to those brothers who had lost their lives. When the chapter finally ceased active operations they had reduced themselves to fewer than three hundred marines and left the Crusade dangerously overstretched and in the hands of the newly founded Disciples of Man.

 

For the following century the Wings did not participate in the Crusade, instead turning the gaze inwards upon the Imperium. Whilst the new influx of recruits trained rigorously across the various environments of the Aeternus System, the two remaining battle companies were active in a number of small skirmishes, mainly dealing with pirate threats and civil wars. Satisfied that the new recruits were capable, the Wings returned to the crusade to continue their valiant efforts.

 

Upon arriving at the front lines, the Wings found a situation much changed to the one they had left a century before. Many of the worlds which the Wings had shed blood for had been lost to resurgent enemies, the Crusade forces and the Disciples of Man unable to defend the entire stretch of systems. Most of the statues of the Wings lay defaced, destroyed or in the hands of the enemy. Imperial Forces had managed to recapture a number of the planets, each now praising the Disciples as their saviours. The Wings were outraged that any Imperial force would allow emblems of the chapter be treated in such manner and blamed the Disciples for their inability to defend the Crusade. The Wings, believing the Disciples had purposely allowed worlds to fall to retake them for the glory, threw themselves into a furious series of battles seeking out the enemy without rest. These victories were in vain as the Wings received little praise for their efforts as their brethren chapter participated in a number of major victories.

 

It was during this period that the first of a number of extraordinary events occurred, on the small mining planet of Rhamiel. An enemy stronghold which a Wings detachment had been unable to secure suddenly fell in the middle of the night to an unknown force. Advancing on the now undefended fortress, the Wings discovered no trace of their unidentified ally bar a scattering of feathers which tested positive for daemonic presence. Believing the traitorous enemy to have summoned warp-beings which had then turned upon them, the detachment handed over command of the fortress to the Imperial Guard.

 

The events upon Rhamiel were not isolated and over the following century a further seven cases were reported to the crusade high command. All followed the same pattern, the enemies of the Wings mysteriously being slaughtered whilst no trace of their assailants remained. The reports each contained mention of daemonic positive feathers and all concluded that their enemy had fallen to the ruinous powers which had been rife in the systems before the arrival of the Angelicus Crusade. It was over half a millennia before any question of doubt began to fall upon these conclusions after thirty-third such case occurred.

 

The Culex Rebellion, a system wide rebellion which the Wings subjugated almost alone, saw a turn in the chapter’s fortune as a series of great victories quickly followed. The newly appointed Lord Marshal Adaem, the Chapter Master of the Disciples of Man, ordered for a full report into all ruinous and daemonic forces that the crusade had encountered. The Exspes Testimony took nearly a decade to complete and mostly covered the early conflicts against the warlord De’Kol, but what caused most controversy were the chapters indulging into the daemonic activities surrounding the Wings of Death. The authors of the Testimony were the first to cross-reference all of the reports against one another. It was noted that no similar events had occurred to any Imperial army in the crusade bar the Wings; even to those forces deployed in the same battle theatre. Whilst it was never stated that the Wings were involved with the daemonic allies, as the Testimony called them, it was heavily suggested. Upon reading the report, Adaem had no other choice than to declare an external investigation into the chapter.

 

Chapter Master Adnachiel out right refused such an undignified intrusion of his chapter and vowed the Wings would declare their loyalty to the Emperor in battle. The enquiry went ahead as planned after Adnechiel was forced to back down or withdraw from the crusade. The investigation was headed by Inquisitor Cethegus along with Veteran Sergeant Maerk, an Astartes representative of the Disciples of Man, and a force of nearly a hundred aides. Whilst Cethegus and his team sieved through the vast Library of Angels aboard the Pride of the Emperor, Maerk accompanied a number of Wings deployments to report upon their battlefield activity.

 

Adnachiel was true to his word and although their loyalty was in question, the Wings were fierce in their pursuit of enemies, engaging in countless conflicts across the broad front of the crusade. Cethegus’ report, entitled the Perfidelis Report, was published twenty-four years after Lord Marshall Adaem had requested an investigation into the chapter. The report concluded that the Wings of Death were indeed loyal to the Emperor and the daemonic events which had hounded them were merely unfortunate coincidences at best or a cunning strategy by the ruinous powers to disrupt the Angelicus Crusade at worst. Though given a full pardon and an apology by all those involved in the acquisitions, the chapter never forgave those who had doubted them and Adaem and his chapter responsible for the shame for such a report to have been ordered in the first place.

 

The Fall from Grace

 

The Wings became a much sombre force after the Perfidelis Report, losing their faith in the command structure of the Crusade. Many of the chapter’s actions in these long centuries were far from the front line of the Crusade, their fierce deep strikes acting as a perfect force to quickly defuse any rebellious motions. Whilst the Wings were stabilising the Imperial held planets, the Disciples gained much fame acting as the vanguard of the Crusade. The Wings resented the favouring of the younger chapter for it was them who had shed the initial blood during the early crusade. This bitterness would devour the Wings until their hearts had been lost to the Imperium. As the centuries past, the Disciples became the increasing favourites of the Crusade command, have numerous members on the Crusade Council and a few masters acting as Lord Marshalls, an honour never granted to the Wings.

 

Returning once more to the Aeternus to replenish their ranks, the Wings fleet picked up an SOS signal from the fortress world Gauna, requesting the assistance of the Disciples of Man. Such an insult to their honour could not be allowed to stand and the Wings made planet fall with all available brothers, totalling just fewer than five hundred men. The situation upon Gauna was dire, the main citadel had rebelled along with a large portion of the population and the loyalist forces had been slaughtered to man. Four Imperial Guard regiments who had quickly been requisitioned to retake the planet but had lost all momentum and were entrenched outside the fortress under constant bombardment from artillery. The arrival of a force of Astartes improved the morale of the guard and a foot assault on the stronghold was soon underway.

 

The Guard regiments broke twice times under the firepower of the citadel, but the fury of the Wings forced them on each time. By the time of the third assault, all the guardsmen had been slaughtered or fled the field and only the Wings remained. Their demise seemed inevitable, the fortress was impregnable and its guns powerful but the faith of the Wings was unbreakable and no brother flinched. It was in their moment of deepest misery that a saviour appeared to the Wings, as screams of brutal murder rose from behind the thick walls. The enemy guns fell silent as the Wings broke through the gates without losing another marine.

 

Within the bastion was a cohort of winged daemons awaited the prideful marines, each chanting the names of brothers lost in fruitless battles fighting for the Emperor. Once their mantra to the dead had been completed a soft voice filled the fortress. The voice told stories of past battles, how the aid of these daemons had saved the chapter on numerous occasions. Playing to the chords which struck the Wings hearts deepest, the voice recited the ‘Saga of Ynsoldea’ which echoed the torments of the chapter. As the daemons vanished back into the warp they left an ancient book of faith with Chapter Master Israfil.

 

It was three days before the Wings emerged from the fortress, only to be greeted by a cadre of the Disciples of Man acting as an honour guard to their Chapter Master, and Lord Marshall, Leuke. The resulting argument between the two masters has been lost to Imperial scholars, but it is believed that Leuke accused the Wings of atrocities against the Imperium during their latest battle and endangering an Imperial Crusade with their actions over the last millennia. It is unknown which of the two exchanges convinced Israfil of the future of the Wings, but they quickly left Gauna and continued their journey to the Aeternus System.

 

The last Imperial contact with the Wings was to occur at 432006.M37 when the Wings re quested landing in the fortress-monastery upon Discelo, home world of the Disciples of Man. Being allowed access to the inner sanctum of the Fortress-Monastery, the Wings were able to tear the heart out of their once brethren from within. In a slaughter that lasted eight days and eight nights, the entire population of the planet was culled, the monastery ripped bare and the armoury emptied. With the fortress stripped of all useful materials, including the precious gene-seed of the chapter, the Wings destroyed the monastery with continuous blows from orbit. Before the Disciples of Man heard about the destruction of their home world, the Wings had long disappeared.

 

All traces of the now fallen chapter were lost until an assault on the Disciples of Man strike cruiser Emperor’s Hope, although a number of earlier ambushes on the chapter were later also found to be orchestrated by the Wings. With their vengeance in their own hands, the Wings hunted the Disciples on every planet, almost mirroring all deployments made by the loyalist chapter. Over a period of twenty years they sadistically decimated the Disciples until finally destroying the chapter on the plains of Nephtys.

 

From the Darkness

 

Since the destruction of their brethren chapter, the Wings have embarked on an all out assault against the Angelicus Crusade, a campaign which has been dubbed the Daemonicus Crusade. The Aeternus System has started to revert into a state similar to before the arrival of the Wings as the trade imports from the Aetherius Stars have almost halted. With the Angelicus crusade on its knees, at the mercy of its once heroic figure heads, the Imperium has dedicated two chapters to the protection and the furthering of the Angelicus Crusade. Inquisitor Chigi, attached to the crusade, has authored the ever growing Degeneris Report which tracks the movements and engagements of the Wings of Death.

 

His efforts have so far proved futile in placing the Wings to a specific system or world, although this is understandable due to the fleet-based nature of the chapter. The Wings are able to produce a majority of the smaller items in an Astartes’ armoury from their forge-ship Iron Arrogance, although they will often plunder the supplies of other forces they come across and, when in dire need for equipment, forge-worlds themselves.

 

How the Wings remain at large to the Imperium has baffled many commanders who have been ordered to track the traitorous chapter. Their attacks come swift and without warning, slaughtering all those who stand in their path only to disappear as quickly as they arrived. The Wings have long been gone before any Imperial force can be gathered to move against them. A few foolish captains have attempted to chase the chapter through the warp but none have ever returned. Chigi has stated that it is impossible to understand the operations of the chapter and to do so would only lead to insanity.

 

Beliefs

 

The primary belief of the Wings of Death has always been of themselves, having faith in their prowess as a fighting force and the structure of command. Unlike many other chapters they never venerated their primarch or the Emperor, whilst understanding the abilities of both, neither had been involved with the chapter unlike their own heroes. A peculiar quirk of their dogma is the practise of leaving ‘Angel of Misery’ statues at the scenes of battle were brothers had been lost, a custom absorbed from an unknown tribe.

 

When the chapter embraced the ruinous power, they accepted the lesser chaos goddess of Ynsoldea as their patron. Little is known of this goddess with few cults dedicating themselves to her. She is often pictured as a warrior-female with broad angelic wings, whose pierced heart continuously bleeds. She is referred to by many names with the most common being the Bleeding Goddess and the Angel of Misery. It is believed the she is an aspect of chaos which feeds on the misery of the prideful, and in the Wings she found her greatest source of power.

 

It was concluded that the tribe who introduced the Wings to the statues were worshipping Ynsoldea. Using these totems, her power was increased each time the Wings took to battle and her daemons were able to manifest close by. When she finally revealed herself to the Wings, the chapter gladly accepted her wisdom and protection over that of the Emperor. Although they had been worshipping her for centuries, they took to her words with vigour and Chaplain Harahel even dictated the Book of the Broken Saviour.

 

Across the Aetherius Stars, there are an increasing number of cults of Ynsoldea as the Wings spread their message. In the image of their goddess, members will inscribe a star across their heart representing her every bleeding heart. The more eccentric believers will even pierce their hearts and allow them to bleed for eight days. In normal humans, this almost always ends in death but the twin hearts of an Astartes battle brother are able to withstand the loss of blood, becoming a ritual of acceptance to the veteran company.

 

The Armada of Light and Recruitment

 

The Wings of Death fleet has been traditionally known as the Armada of Light since it first arrived in the Aeternus System. The Pride of the Emperor was freshly produced from the shipyards Lebe V and granted to the chapter upon their creation. The Pride acted as not only the flagship of the fleet but also the very heart of the chapter, containing the reliquary and the gene seed stock. When the Armada of Light used to arrive in a system it was an occasion for hope, salvation and joy. It now stands dread, misery and destruction. During an ambush of a Mechanicus fleet sent to rescue the Disciples of Man from destruction, the Wings of Death were able to capture large quantities of both gene seed and equipment along with a second battle barge baptised the Judgement of Ynsoldea.

 

The recruitment process of the Wings of Death has always been described as barbaric and inhumane, even when they were loyal to the Emperor. The Training Officer, an unassigned sergeant, along with a squad of battle brothers participate in raids, abducting all young males. These attacks are often brutal, slaughtering entire societies for a few possible recruits. As these boys are not selected as promising youngsters, the Wings require a much greater number to achieve the same standard of recruits as other chapters and often take boys of a much younger age. Most don’t see it past the first few months of recruitment.

 

Hundreds, if not thousands, are herded into vast holding pens aboard the Pride of the Emperor. Those who cry after their first nights are quickly culled whilst the survivors are forced to compete in gruelling physical activities for the sparse food supplies they are given. Those too weak to win, or unable to break into the many gangs which form, swiftly die. An unfortunate recruit who had been taken young may spend most of a decade in these pens, all the time a growing hatred for the chapter swells up inside of them.

 

When they are deemed suitable they finally have the chance to seek revenge on the Wings when a single Battle Brother is placed in an arena with ten possible recruits. The marine uses his combat abilities to only incapacitate those selected by his Sergeant as worthy to become a member of the Wings of Death whilst those deemed not aren’t granted the same luxury. On rare occasion the Battle Brother is swamped and killed in a frenzy of hatred; it is said that the famous Captain Nisroc single-handedly defeated his foe.

 

Once they have been selected to become what they despise, a recruit is mind-wiped of all his past memories, his hatred of the chapter, his home world and even his own name. The next eight years are of constant indoctrination into the ways of the Wings of Death. The glories of the chapter become versed within the scouts mind; the litanies of Ynsoldea are murmured as the sleep. These years are one of total absorption into the chapter, and when they finally are able to don their suit of power armour their love for the chapter is unfaltering. Their final initiation is their naming ceremony were the spend eight days in the Temple of Ynsoldea until she speaks their name to them through the chaplain.

 

Organisation

 

Even in their damnation, the Wings remain a perfect example of Guilliman’s teachings maintaining the four battles companies and six support companies. One of the few rarities in the chapter are the precious suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armour they possess, numbering fewer than thirty. The decoration of the Crux Terminatus is an award reserved only for the greatest of heroes, with other veterans receiving a winged-emblem as a sign of their rank, known solely as ‘their wings’. Many brothers of the First Company will deploy equipped with jump packs to enable them to close on the enemy, although it is also quite common for them to stand by their brothers in the ranks offering words of wisdom to the younger members of the chapter.

 

The four Battle Companies have seen countless battles across the Aetherius Stars, from raiding small settlements for recruits to pillaging Imperial flagships. Favouring no ranged weapon over another, a Wings force will be perfectly suited for the mission they are on, consisting of a balanced force of Tactical, Assault and Devastator brothers. Unlike many rebellious forces that lose their chain of command, the Battle companies still operate under the watchful eye of the Chapter Master and individual Captains are not given total command over their company. Each brother will be equipped with his own personal combat weapon of choice, an individuality much promoted by the chapter to allow a marine to excel in his own style of combat.

 

The sixth through to ninth companies act as the reserves of the chapter according to the Codex Astartes. Reserve marines will often be called to battle, supporting the main companies with either their specific training or the additional bodies. When not participating in battle, the Reserve Companies undergo rigorous training in countless environments hidden from the penetrating gaze of the Imperium. The tenth company, otherwise known as the scout company, contains all of those members of the Wings of Death who are yet to earn their Black Carapace. Scouts will never be called to action, instead undergoing constant training until they are worthy to be called a Battle Brother of the Wings of Death.

 

Combat Doctrine

 

True to the teachings of the Lions of Veles, the Wings of Death have always favoured the combat arts of warfare. They are not the butchers or the fanatics of other chapters, but instead are absorbed by the finesse of combat, the precision of the blade and the white of the enemy’s eyes. Each marine will pride himself on the long days spent duelling with his brethren, the battle scars which have each taught him a valuable lesson.

 

Like all Astartes, the chapter specialise in rapid deployment, surgically striking weak sections of the enemy lines. The early parts of the Angelicus Crusade only furthered their skills in dealing with such operations as they were quickly shipped from one battle front to another. Only in rare circumstances would a force deploy by more mundane methods, when the brute force of orbital deployment would only in succeed in the death of many brothers.

 

A tactical force will often consist of a high number of Assault Marines and Land Speeders, whose speed and agility allow the chapter to quickly funnel the enemy into the slaughter lanes formed by tactical squads. This fondness of jump packs can be readily seen within the veteran company who frequently take to battle equipped with them.

 

The wisdom of combined arms and alternative approaches to warfare are not lost on the Wings of Death, indeed the enlarged battle companies are more capable of withstanding long periods of warfare than their codex equivalents. Devastator marines, battle tanks and Terminators are not rarities in a Wings force, but always act as support units to the more manoeuvrable sections of the force.

 

Gene Seed

 

The Wings of Death were honoured with the gene seed of Roboute Guilliman, the purest and noblest of primarchs. From the few samples the Imperium has managed to capture, the chapter’s genetics seem to have remained surprisingly unpolluted from the foul stench of chaos. There have been no witnessed events of mutation within the ranks of the Wings, although few who have encountered the chapter remain alive long enough to report on the purity of the chapter.

 

Battle Cry

[OwenCrute]

Battle cry still WIP, eh?

 

You have a few grammar mistakes in there, probably the result of copious editing, but nothing major.

 

Is Ynsoldea a Chaos God (obviously on a lower par the the standard four), or a Greater Daemon of Tzeentch, Slaanesh etc?

 

Concept of a Chapter falling to pride is great, maybe add in something about how having all their enemies crushed before they got there infuriated the Wings, who were trying to prove their worth (and superiority to the Disciples).

 

Very good IA, Ferrata. Keep going and I might just stop mocking you behind your back :D!

[Ferrata]

They've had numerous battle cries in the past, but not seem to really capture the right spirit of the chapter. The latest version was 'Glory in Battle, Honour in Death' or maybe it was the other way around and 'Honour in Battle, Glory in Death', can't quite remember. They've had some terrible ones before that though.

 

Ynsoldea (who used to be Fraticidia) is a Lesser Chaos God I've made up. I've always seen her as an aspect of the Blood God.

 

Why thank you. Stop calling me behind my back and I will stop the angry bees from chasing you.

[Hubernator]

Nice one Ferrata :P A few things:

- You spelt absorb/absorbtion/absorbing wrong (I can't remember which)

- "The Guard regiments broke twice times" You either mean 'twice' or 'two times'. "Twice times" doesn't sound right.

- I felt that this Chapter was sort of turning into the Legion of the Damned by striking quickly in battles and leaving soon afterwards.

 

Now for my usual "nag- Scheme? ;) (and don't ignore this please :))

[Brother Achaiah]

Brilliantly written, Ferrata! I do like the detail you have gone into as the Chapter starts to turn and how their own pride was one of the factors.

 

The detail of the Aeternus System begs the question of what segmentum the system is located.

[Brother Barkus]

Allright I've been waiting for you to write these guys up since you have mentioned them several times in the past. Ah my curiosity is assuaged :ermm:.

 

A good IA noticed a few grammar errors though but pretty minor. This is a great example for other renegade chapters.

[RagingGriffon]

It was going along quite well for me until I got to "Operation: Overlord" That was a huge WWII operation and it kind of broke my attention.

 

6 paragraph in "The Fall from Grace" you have re quested not requested. The last paragraph, frist sentence, is awkward. It seems like it should be two or three sentences.

 

First paragraph in "From the Darkness," sentence two, needs to be reworded or broken up. ("The Aeternus System has started to revert into its previous state. The trade imports from the Aetherius Stars have almost halted.")

 

Then I just quit reading for a bit when I got to "When the chapter embraced the ruinous power, they accepted the lesser chaos goddess of Ynsoldea ." and your explanation was "Ynsoldea (who used to be Fraticidia) is a Lesser Chaos God I've made up." I got pretty pissed off because you and me have been going back and forth about my fluff divergences. How's it going kettle? I calmed down for a bit, and read the rest. It isn't bad. I just have a bad taste in my mouth because some of the stuff you said and how you said it. You did ask me to take a look at your stuff, and I hope you don't take this in a negative light because maybe you can see where I have been coming from.

[Ferrata]

Operation Overlord will go, I guessed it sounded to good not to have been used. As for all the grammar/spelling mistakes, thank you for noticing them and I will correct them in the next draft.

 

As for the Legion of the Damned comment, I can see the link. I wanted the Wings to be a thorn in the Crusades side, striking without warning and disappearing just as quick. I think an important to note they don't actually disappear, they just move swiftly.

 

Then I just quit reading for a bit when I got to "When the chapter embraced the ruinous power, they accepted the lesser chaos goddess of Ynsoldea ." and your explanation was "Ynsoldea (who used to be Fraticidia) is a Lesser Chaos God I've made up." I got pretty pissed off because you and me have been going back and forth about my fluff divergences. How's it going kettle? I calmed down for a bit, and read the rest. It isn't bad. I just have a bad taste in my mouth because some of the stuff you said and how you said it. You did ask me to take a look at your stuff, and I hope you don't take this in a negative light because maybe you can see where I have been coming from.

Nope, I don't take anything bad. I know I have a reputation for saying things very bluntly, so I accept it in others. I would have to say in this case though your shot is wide of the mark. If I can guess your point that I've made up my own Chaos God, there are more than the big four. Malal is one GW pushed for a while, and their are countless other Chaos Gods outside of the big four, it is just the big four are the most powerful. When I have more time I wil show you the fluff references to back this up though.

[RagingGriffon]

Nope, I don't take anything bad. I know I have a reputation for saying things very bluntly, so I accept it in others. I would have to say in this case though your shot is wide of the mark. If I can guess your point that I've made up my own Chaos God, there are more than the big four. Malal is one GW pushed for a while, and their are countless other Chaos Gods outside of the big four, it is just the big four are the most powerful. When I have more time I wil show you the fluff references to back this up though.

 

I am aware of Malal, and I know there are other minor Chaos Gods, no need to pull the fluff. Powerful Undivided Daemon Princes have been worshipped and could possibly be considered minor Chaos Gods. Cheers, and have a good one.

[Octavulg]

Hubernator, it is most definitely absorption. Don't look at me - it's your language.

 

OK, so it's technically mine, too. The point remains - absorb/absorption/absorbed.

 

The initial centuries of war looked promising for the chapter, pushing the Angelicus Crusade to unpredicted heights, but eventually the sins of the chapter tore them from the Imperium.

 

And an instantaneous leap into out-of-context confusion! Excitement! Drama! We can feel none of these things, since we don't have a sweet clue what you're talking about.

 

Screw summaries. Begin at the beginning, man.

 

Hounded constantly by daemonic ‘allies’, the chapter became unfavoured in comparison to the Disciples of Man, a chapter created to assist them. The pride of each brother took its toll on the sanity of the chapter until breaking point were the Wings embarked on a bloody campaign against the Disciples and now the Angelicus Crusade, striking from the darkness and disappearing into the Warp. No planet within the Aetherius Stars is safe from the Wings and there are few who can defend them from the hated chapter.

 

The grammar and structure needs a bit of work here. You keep shifting subject, and some of the structure is awkward. Maybe something more like:

Hounded constantly by daemonic ‘allies’, the chapter began to be unfavourably compared to the Disciples of Man, a fellow chapter created to serve beside them. The injury to their pride took a toll on the sanity of the Wings of Death, until their psyches could take no more. Broken in spirit, the Wings embarked on a bloody campaign against the Disciples, and then against the whole Angelicus Crusade, striking from the darkness and disappearing into the Warp. No planet within the Aetherius Stars is safe from the Wings and there are few who can defend against them.

 

Or just delete it and open with origins.

 

The Aeternus System once consisted of a number of wealthy worlds, but when the Aetherius Stars was lost to the enemies of the Imperium the trade routes through the single entry from the Stars, the Obitus Pathway, fell silent and the wealth in the Aeternus System quickly faded, unable to support itself.

 

You should explain at the opening that they're wealthy because of their connection to the Aetherius. As is, it's only strongly implied, rather than directly stated. Hell, it's not even clear that the two places are near each other.

 

In the two hundred and eighty-eighth year of the thirty third millennium, a force consisting of Imperial Guard regiments from various worlds and the entire chapter of the Wings of Death set out from the final safe harbour of the Aeternus System and by doing so started the Angelicus Crusade. The objective of the crusade was simple; the Imperium’s war machine would not rest until the entire Aetherius Stars were under the watchful eye of the Emperor. Lord Marshall Mardanish of the Sokarian Hounds was declared commander of the crusading forces.

 

By what seem to be conventional crusade naming standards, it'd either be the Aeternan Crusade, the Aetherian Crusade, or the Mardanish Crusade. Why the difference?

 

Also, Angelicus sounds like a condiment.

 

The Chapter Master of the Wings of Death, Ambriel, followed the Lord Marshall through the Obitus Pathway even though his pride was wounded by not being given the command, even though it would have been against the codex and the Imperium’s war tactics to give a command to such a novice force.

 

You say 'even though' too much. Also, it might work better if you explained that he resented it, then that he followed anyway. Dunno, it just feels more natural that way.

 

Their brutal surgical strikes made the Wings the catalyst for almost all of the early victories in the crusade.

 

A ) Brutal surgical strikes doesn't seem to go together.

 

B ) Catalyst? They caused it but weren't consumed by it? I'd use another term. Technical chemical terms really don't work well in everyday language. (Yes, I know it was probably everyday language first. Nonetheless - it doesn't feel right).

 

Operation Overlord was aimed at the destruction of both the Ork Empire Shakgrot and the chaos war host of De’Kol, who each stood in the way of the Imperium forming a stable power base within the Aetherius Stars. Overlord surpassed all expectations, largely due to the fighting heart of the Wings of Death, quickly dealing with both threats.

 

Firstly, Operation feels like too professional a word for the semi-feudal military of the Imperium.

 

Secondly, you were talking about the Crusade, now you're talking about something else. Is Overlord the Angelicus Crusade? Is it part thereof? Explain these things.

 

Plus, like an earlier poster said - Overlord? Assaulting the beaches of Normandy, are we? (Yes, I can't remember what Operation Overlord was. Leave me alone. I'm too pretty to be troubled by such details).

 

World after world fell to the onslaught of the chapter, each one pushing the Crusade further towards breaking point as it attempted to defend an ever increasing front.

 

Five seconds ago it was surgical strikes. Now it's conquest. Which is it? Either they win the victories, or they allow them to be won. Not both.

 

The Crusade Council pleaded with the Wings to halt their expansion to allow a time of recuperation, stabilisation and indoctrination of the new populations,

 

Why? These used to be Imperial worlds, didn't they? Quite recently, in point of fact.

 

but Ambriel outright refused this request.

 

So he disobeyed orders? How'd he justify THAT to himself?

 

tested positive for daemonic presence.

 

Too clinical for the suspicious and credulous Imperium. Showed signs or reeked of the touch of Chaos would seem more appropriate.

 

It was over half a millennia before any question of doubt began to fall upon these conclusions after thirty-third such case occurred.

 

Er...five hundred years seems a long time for a Crusade - they tend to either wear down or win within a century or so. At least, such is my impression.

 

controversy were the chapters indulging into the daemonic activities surrounding the Wings of Death.

 

I'm not sure exactly what word you wanted here, but you don't want indulging.

 

Upon reading the report, Adaem had no other choice than to declare an external investigation into the chapter.

 

He lacks the authority to do so, and would know it.

 

The enquiry went ahead as planned after Adnechiel was forced to back down or withdraw from the crusade.

 

Why the hell is he so determined to stay with the Crusade, anyway? He's been passed over for leadership, ignored, maltreated, and ostracized.

 

The Wings became a much sombre force after the Perfidelis Report, losing their faith in the command structure of the Crusade.

 

Their tendency to ignore it would suggest they had lost faith in it long before this.

 

As the centuries past, the Disciples became the increasing favourites of the Crusade command, have numerous members on the Crusade Council and a few masters acting as Lord Marshalls, an honour never granted to the Wings.

 

A ) Why'd they become so willing to stabilize the Crusade when they wouldn't earlier in their history.

B ) Passed, not past.

C ) Logically, the Crusade Council would be made up of the commanders of the forces involved, and nobody else.

D ) OK, how long has this damned Crusade LASTED?

 

Four Imperial Guard regiments who had quickly been requisitioned to retake the planet but had lost all momentum and were entrenched outside the fortress under constant bombardment from artillery.

 

If there're guardsmen, there's the Imperial Navy. Why no orbital bombardment?

 

The Guard regiments broke twice times under the firepower of the citadel, but the fury of the Wings forced them on each time. By the time of the third assault, all the guardsmen had been slaughtered or fled the field and only the Wings remained. Their demise seemed inevitable, the fortress was impregnable and its guns powerful but the faith of the Wings was unbreakable and no brother flinched. It was in their moment of deepest misery that a saviour appeared to the Wings, as screams of brutal murder rose from behind the thick walls. The enemy guns fell silent as the Wings broke through the gates without losing another marine.

 

I notice the Wings don't try orbital bombardment either. Why not?

 

As the daemons vanished back into the warp they left an ancient book of faith with Chapter Master Israfil.

 

Really, I'm still not clear on why they'd trust daemons. I could see them resenting the Crusade, but they still seem to believe in the Imperium itself - and daemons are rather anti-Imperial.

 

Since the destruction of their brethren chapter,

 

Brethren is a plural archaic form of brother. Please stop misusing it.

 

The Aeternus System has started to revert into a state similar to before the arrival of the Wings as the trade imports from the Aetherius Stars have almost halted.

 

Er...wouldn't that be the same as AFTER the arrival of the Wings, since there were trade imports before they got there?

 

Degeneris Report

 

This makes me think of Ellen. Nothing should ever make anyone think of Ellen.

 

Ever.

 

when in dire need for equipment, forge-worlds themselves.

 

IMO, a Forge World's orbital defenses would be significant enough to hold off a rather battered Chaos Space Marine force.

 

* * *

 

You need to do some coherency and consistency work. Also, a few more details about their origins seem in order, since they go from loyal chapter to resenting the crusade to traitors to the whole Imperium without any real "resenting the Imperium" step.

 

Also, all three of the DIY chapters in this have more or less the same naming format. Just a point. A single [adjective][noun] would provide diversity.

[OwenCrute]

Y'see Ferrata? Octy should have the bees chasing him, not me ;)

 

Incidentally Octy: A 'Chaos Space Marine force' could well mean the entire chapter, and I quote Soul Drinker - 'Three hundred marines. Lesser forces had taken solar systems.'

 

Hmm, For Pride and Ynsoldea! might be a decent battlecry.

[Octavulg]

Y'see Ferrata? Octy should have the bees chasing him, not me biggrin.gif

 

Slovotsky's Law #3. Look it up.

 

Incidentally Octy: A 'Chaos Space Marine force' could well mean the entire chapter, and I quote Soul Drinker - 'Three hundred marines. Lesser forces had taken solar systems.'

 

Yes. Quote the works of Ben Counter. That'll help. Pull the other one, it has bells on. Or, y'know, quote something consistent with the universe. That'd be good, too.

 

The term solar systems is incredibly general, and that taking a feral world is likely very different from taking a forge world, even though both are solar systems.

 

Forge Worlds are the treasured home worlds of the Adeptus Mechanicus, home to myriad devices and critical manufacturing facilities. The phrase "legions of skitarii" gets thrown around frequently. They are critical to the Imperium, in ways that other planets simply won't be. They're also of vast military significance, which means they'll be even more well defended than correspondingly important worlds. Oh, and the majority of their population is computerized drones who can likely be rewired for combat. Plus, the Adeptus has a greater or lesser degree of control over most of the planet, since it's likely all wired together somehow. Oh, and there might be Titans. Or Knights.

 

So, all-in-all, short on supplies rump marine chapter vs. fully-supplied forge world with swarms of system ships and battle-stations, plus the semi-lethal-every-hand-against-you surface? I'll go with the Forge World. It might be close, but I'm still gonna go with the boys in red robes.

 

Oh, and don't patronize me. Boy.

Edited July 1, 2008 by Octavulg

[OwenCrute]

I patronize who I want to patronize, M'boy. It's a side effect of being an arrogant nerd who knows too much. Now, I don't think Ferrata appreciates us turning his IA into a battleground, so maybe we should just cool it :).

[Hasoroth]

How about Octy, chill out, and get off your high horse?

[Heru]

and I quote Soul Drinker

Oh dear... :)

...please never EVER quote the Soul Drinker books... :no:

 

 

How about Octy, chill out, and get off your high horse?

Oh dear, oh dear... :)

...if anyone has a high horse, it's me! But he's in the stables at the present time... ;)

 

 

(Leave me alone. I'm too pretty to be troubled by such details).

Pretty? Your as ugly as one of the old Wild West outhouse latrine buckets! :huh: ;)

 

 

 

@ Ferrata: It's an interesting IA I'll give you that, but I have to agree with allot of what Octavulg has said. In particular the Chapter's relationship with the Imperium outside of the Crusade before and after their fall (perhaps also mention how the Lion's took the news of their Successor going bad).

Also I'm suprised that when they came upon the Daemons properly for the first time, that they didn't just open fire, I think it might be worth laying some other ground work in that area to explain why they held fast.

[Octavulg]

I patronize who I want to patronize, M'boy. It's a side effect of being an arrogant nerd who knows too much.

 

Except the bit where I kinda, y'know, proved you wrong rather demonstrates that only two-thirds of that statement is true. Well, one third, I can't speak to the other. Well, you're here, I guess I can. :)

 

Now, I don't think Ferrata appreciates us turning his IA into a battleground, so maybe we should just cool it msn-wink.gif.

 

One day, someone will explain to the population of the world that at no time has telling anyone to cool it actually calmed them down. Angry people think they are being reasonable. If they realize they are being unreasonably angry, they generally calm down on their own, no? I mean, seriously, what's with people? I do it myself, I just wish I knew why we did it...

 

Also, I'm nowhere close to as upset as you think I am. I am quite tired of people patronizingly telling me I'm wrong, me countering with a wealth of counterargument, and then being told to cool it, but that's more a bone-deep weariness and disgust with what the Internet is coming to than actual rage.

 

Hey, I remember when being able to spell was considered a requirement for good communication. Really. No, I'm not making it up.

 

EDIT: Oh, and to make this vaguely topical, how the Lions reacted to the news of their childrens' defection would be kind of neat. Though how much of a bond would still be there after a thousand years is debatable.

 

EDIT 2:

Pretty? Your as ugly as one of the old Wild West outhouse latrine buckets! huh.gif laugh.gif

 

You must love you some latrine bucket.

Edited July 1, 2008 by Octavulg

[OwenCrute]

Proved me wrong? How is that possible? In the fluff, there is no right or wrong. The highest directive is just a few words penned down by a desparate GW writer on a deadline.

 

Okay, so maybe a Forge World would own a chapter in a head-on assault. There are other ways to do things. Infiltration, kidnapping. Don't forget that they can summon daemons, as well.

 

Oh, and I meant that it might be prudent to do this in PM, rather than arguing pointlessly in a mod's own thread :D

I'm not sure how easily provoked Ferrata is, but then again- 'Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with tomato sauce.' I can't even remember who said that.

 

How do you know that i think you're upset? are you some all-seeing god? Perhaps I think I've actually met an equal on the Internet, who instead of getting angry and hurling inane, generic insults, laughs at the opportunity to make a point to someone worthy of hearing it. Oh, and it does seems to me that sometimes your 'wealth of counterargument' is little more than rhetoric designed to intimidate fools at the prospect of reading and making sense of all that.

 

Oh, and finally: I can spell. You can too, though, so it's a moot point.

[Octavulg]

Proved me wrong? How is that possible? In the fluff, there is no right or wrong. The highest directive is just a few words penned down by a desparate GW writer on a deadline.

 

Er...there most definitely is write or wrong.

 

Orks are mauve with pink spots. All of them. Every one.

 

See?

 

Okay, so maybe a Forge World would own a chapter in a head-on assault. There are other ways to do things. Infiltration, kidnapping. Don't forget that they can summon daemons, as well.

 

True. OTOH, Daemons tend to be unstable any distance from the warp/believers, infiltration still means you need to get there, and how do you kidnap a Tech-Priest? And who cares if you do? Almost everyone in 40K is a religious fanatic - kidnapping is probably the least effective thing you can DO in the 41st millenium. :D

 

And how do you sneak in anywhere as a Space Marine. They're conspicuous, usually.

 

Oh, and I meant that it might be prudent to do this in PM, rather than arguing pointlessly in a mod's own thread msn-wink.gif

 

I am many things. Prudent is NOT one of them.

 

Besides, if we keep it topical, we're fine. Well, topical and vaguely civil.

 

I'm not sure how easily provoked Ferrata is, but then again- 'Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with tomato sauce.' I can't even remember who said that.

 

Ketchup, usually. I've seen it a couple of places. The George and the Dragon or something like that, maybe. Or a Joel Rosenberg book.

 

How do you know that i think you're upset? are you some all-seeing god?

 

Well, you did say cool it. Reading your words and drawing conclusions from them is the only means of communication open to me with you.

 

I'm sorry, but I just don't think we're ready for a deeper commitment.

 

Oh, and it does seems to me that sometimes your 'wealth of counterargument' is little more than rhetoric designed to intimidate fools at the prospect of reading and making sense of all that.

 

Actually, it's both.

 

Unfortunately, the second bit works far, far more often than the first.

 

Oh, and finally: I can spell. You can too, though, so it's a moot point.

 

Oh, true. This is just ancient groaning and complaining. Things were better in my youth, you know.

[OwenCrute]

Orks are mauve with pink spots. All of them. Every one.

 

... Ow. In any case, my point was, what's STOPPING me painting my Orks mauve with pink spots, every one? Sure I'd be laughed at, but people laugh at me anyway.

 

True. OTOH, Daemons tend to be unstable any distance from the warp/believers, infiltration still means you need to get there, and how do you kidnap a Tech-Priest? And who cares if you do? Almost everyone in 40K is a religious fanatic - kidnapping is probably the least effective thing you can DO in the 41st millenium.

 

And how do you sneak in anywhere as a Space Marine. They're conspicuous, usually.

 

Okay, maybe attacking a forge world is implausible. attacking a forgeworld's TRANSPORT SHIP, however...

 

Ketchup, usually.

 

Aussie background. we call it tomato sauce. Synonyms. Moot point again :D...

 

'Cool it' doesn't necessarily refer to anger. Maybe I was talking about cool the posting in this topic alone. I don't even know anymore :)

 

Actually, it's both.

 

Unfortunately, the second bit works far, far more often than the first.

 

Agreed. Alas for humanity, drowning in a pool of its own stupidity.

[Octavulg]

... Ow. In any case, my point was, what's STOPPING me painting my Orks mauve with pink spots, every one? Sure I'd be laughed at, but people laugh at me anyway.

 

Nothing stops you. OTOH, they won't really be Warhammer 40K orks. It conflicts with established background.

 

Even were you to make some kind of exception for your orks, it is evident that not ALL orks are mauve.

 

Okay, maybe attacking a forge world is implausible. attacking a forgeworld's TRANSPORT SHIP, however...

 

That's not what he said, though....

 

Also, one would assume supply convoys are well guarded. Though, obviously, not as much as forge worlds.

 

Indeed, this would seem a far better way to do it.

 

See? We're contributing.

 

'Cool it' doesn't necessarily refer to anger. Maybe I was talking about cool the posting in this topic alone. I don't even know anymore sad.gif

 

It implies that things are becoming heated, which implies anger.

 

Agreed. Alas for humanity, drowning in a pool of its own stupidity.

 

I'd be fine if I thought they were drowning. I think they're breeding...

[OwenCrute]

Nothing stops you. OTOH, they won't really be Warhammer 40K orks. It conflicts with established background.

 

Even were you to make some kind of exception for your orks, it is evident that not ALL orks are mauve.

 

What if I change the established background? what if I hold every last redshirt at gunpoint and MAKING them change the Ork's skin colour? What's stopping me now?!?! MUHAHAHAHAH-

[ /mindlessrantingfoolishness]

 

Sorry 'bout that. Just trying to point out that everything is mutable. ;)

 

See? We're contributing.

 

*GASP* Amazing!

 

It implies that things are becoming heated, which implies anger.

 

An implication of an implication, Octamus. Heat can also imly passion, or indeed temperature ;)

 

I'd be fine if I thought they were drowning. I think they're breeding...

 

...You build the bomb shelter, I'll bring the can opener ;)

[RagingGriffon]

I have to say I agree with Octas original post before people started blasting each other.

 

It seems to me people criticize on how they perceive fluff. Fluff doesn't cover every single aspect of WH40k. Then people jump to the rescue of the person being criticized if they are cool with them (I don't get any of that because I am relatively new :D ). If Ferrata wants to create his own lesser Chaos God, cool. If I want have a Chaos insurgency attack the ship carrying the 1000 geneseeds and replace 10 of them with tainted seeds to be used as a plot device later... FINE. Just accept the creativity, or if it is way off the mark we can nudge the person in the right direction. At the end of the day, I don't think it gets any higher on the geek level than arguing on an internet forum about 7'6" bioenhanced men.

[OwenCrute]

Quite possibly a testosterone thing. I could explain more fully, but this ain't the thread to do it in.

[Ferrata]

[cry baby voice] This is my thread and you damn kids are ruining it with your petty arguements. Look at me! Look at me! [/cry baby voice]

 

Yeah, try and keep it non-personal. As for all the comments, again thank you, I know how much of a hassle it is to read a long IA.

 

And an instantaneous leap into out-of-context confusion! Excitement! Drama! We can feel none of these things, since we don't have a sweet clue what you're talking about. Screw summaries. Begin at the beginning, man.

Which is the direct opposite of what I was told by another reader. I've always been a fan of these opening summaries, it grabs the attention of the reader and opens the IA up well. I know a lot of the time they mention things which aren't know about yet, but that is the point. They make you want to read the rest of the IA.

 

By what seem to be conventional crusade naming standards, it'd either be the Aeternan Crusade, the Aetherian Crusade, or the Mardanish Crusade. Why the difference? Also, Angelicus sounds like a condiment.

Because I like the name Angelicus. The Angelicus Crusade was started by the Wings, it is their baby. They said they would take back the Aetherius Stars, all of it (a massive and impossible task, but they thought they could do it). The called it the Angelicus Crusade to be the Crusade of Angels, what they thought they were. In fact, the Crusade becomes more of a mind set over anything else. Any action in the Aetherius Stars is known to be part of the Angelicus Crusade, and they have a council that meets up to talk about what to do, but it has really fallen short of being a Crusade. It is like James Bond. James Bond isn't a single person, as he never ages with the time etc, but more a personna. An arrogant, womaniser secret agent. The Angelicus Crusade isn't a Crusade anymore, it is the name of any action in the Aetherius Stars. As for other questions regarding this, Crusades have different stages, objectives etc. I took a lot of inspiration on how Crusades worked from the Sabbat Worlds Crusade book, so their would be different operations, phases of the crusade.

 

'Brutal Surgical Strikes' works in my head. Surgical means they hit a precise place, a specific location whilst brutal means when they get there, they make a mess. Unlike other chapters who are awesome at surgical strikes (Raven Guard, Black Guard), who just hit the right spot in the right place, the Wings hit the right place everywhere. Catalyst means (in a non-chemical sense) "a person or thing that precipitates an event or change", which fits. The Wings were pretty much involved in every first victory of the Crusade. Conquest and Surgical Stirkes can go hand-in-hand, with the later being how they acheive victory and the first being what they done once they've achieved victory.

 

Why? These used to be Imperial worlds, didn't they? Quite recently, in point of fact.

I don't get how you think these worlds have been Imperial quite recently, but they had been lost for a while. Those in charge of the Crusade knew that pushing the front further would open the Crusade up to more attacks and they wouldn't be able to defend themselves (which does happen until the Disciples of Man turn on the heat). It was like victory in the short run and destruction in the long run against allowing Imperial Worlds to be in the enemies hands now but be able to secure them later and keep them.

 

So he disobeyed orders? How'd he justify THAT to himself?

Space Marines are autonomous forces, they don't have orders from anyway bar the Emperor himself (the High Lords). Add to this Ambriels pride that he was right and he wasn't doing wrong, it would be easy for him to justify his actions.

 

Why the hell is he so determined to stay with the Crusade, anyway? He's been passed over for leadership, ignored, maltreated, and ostracized.

Because in the Wings eyes it is *their* Crusade and no-one elses. It would be like someone coming in half-way through and taking over your DIY chapter, it is your creation and dammit you are going to stick with it until the end.

 

Why not bombard? They might not wanted to destroy the fortress, or they could have been something inside.

 

Forge-worlds

I only say plunder, not take. With the vast amount of stores on a Forge-world, or even those on ships about to leave the world (which I would still call the Forge-world), a force could easily (well, not easy) drop in, take what they can carry and get out without a massive AM force jumping on them. A force such as the Wings of Death (Astartes) could drop onto a store, plunder it and be out with only a small battle taking place. If they attack ships, then it would be even easier. I would agree that bigger force would be needed to take a Forge World, but to plunder it I'm not sure you would. It might be one of those tasks a smaller force could complete.

 

Lions of Veles

The Wings and the Lions do not have a relationship, they never founded one. The Lions sent Veterans and the Wings learnt, and that was it. No family dinners, no Christmas cards, nothing. I did at one point think about the Lions being one of the forces sent to hunt down the Wings but I thought if I did that, it would be a subject for IA: Lions of Veles over IA: Wings of Death.

 

It seems to me people criticize on how they perceive fluff. Fluff doesn't cover every single aspect of WH40k. Then people jump to the rescue of the person being criticized if they are cool with them (I don't get any of that because I am relatively new ). If Ferrata wants to create his own lesser Chaos God, cool. If I want have a Chaos insurgency attack the ship carrying the 1000 geneseeds and replace 10 of them with tainted seeds to be used as a plot device later... FINE. Just accept the creativity, or if it is way off the mark we can nudge the person in the right direction. At the end of the day, I don't think it gets any higher on the geek level than arguing on an internet forum about 7'6" bioenhanced men.

This is a big discussion, probably not suited to an IA thread but its own, though I will say a little bit. I don't think it is anything to do with how 'cool' people are with each other, I know the two people who are most likely to point out the flaws in my work are those two people I am most 'cool' with. It has it works in the story that matters. One good example of this would be Dr Thunder's female marines, he has had numerous people say 'I don't like female marines, but how you've done it...' Basically, if something is written well, it works with the story and doesn't seem to forced, then you can push the boundaries of the fluff. The IA never says I've created a God, just a name [sorry, this bit is incorrect, but the following point still stands, what the Wings might think is a lesser god might actually be an aspect of one of the others]. Not every cult will call Khorne Khorne etc. My fingers are itching to have a discusison about this, Chaos Gods discussion anyone?

Edited July 1, 2008 by Ferrata

[Octavulg]

Which is the direct opposite of what I was told by another reader. I've always been a fan of these opening summaries, it grabs the attention of the reader and opens the IA up well. I know a lot of the time they mention things which aren't know about yet, but that is the point. They make you want to read the rest of the IA.

 

Personally, I find them to be talking about a whole bunch of stuff I don't yet understand and am thus rather less interested in. They also tend to be trying to say too much in too little a space.

 

Because I like the name Angelicus. The Angelicus Crusade was started by the Wings, it is their baby.

 

*Blink blink*

 

I either need to read much closer, or you need to be much clearer that it was their idea. Mentioning them petitioning local commanders or somesuch.

 

They said they would take back the Aetherius Stars, all of it (a massive and impossible task, but they thought they could do it).

 

You should also make it clear just how large an area this is. I was thinking it was like six worlds.

 

The called it the Angelicus Crusade to be the Crusade of Angels, what they thought they were. In fact, the Crusade becomes more of a mind set over anything else. Any action in the Aetherius Stars is known to be part of the Angelicus Crusade, and they have a council that meets up to talk about what to do, but it has really fallen short of being a Crusade.

 

Ah. A Crusade in name only.

 

Tell me, are they going to go capture Byzantium next? ;)

 

'Brutal Surgical Strikes' works in my head. Surgical means they hit a precise place, a specific location whilst brutal means when they get there, they make a mess.

 

Messy+surgical = dead patient. Usually. :P

 

The two images are a little in conflict.

 

Catalyst means (in a non-chemical sense) "a person or thing that precipitates an event or change", which fits.

 

I always get an overtone of non-involvement from it. This could be the chemical knowledge, or that the only other place I really encountered the word was for those guys who provide spellcasters with mana in the Darksword trilogy. Quadrology, actually.

 

The Wings were pretty much involved in every first victory of the Crusade. Conquest and Surgical Stirkes can go hand-in-hand, with the later being how they acheive victory and the first being what they done once they've achieved victory.

 

Yes, but you go on about how they're doing surgical strikes and how those are critical...and then all of a sudden they've been conquering worlds. It's so...jumpy.

 

I don't get how you think these worlds have been Imperial quite recently, but they had been lost for a while.

 

The way the Aeternus system had been wealthy during the tenure of the Wings. Implies that the Aetherius Stars were still at least partly Imperial at the time.

 

Those in charge of the Crusade knew that pushing the front further would open the Crusade up to more attacks and they wouldn't be able to defend themselves (which does happen until the Disciples of Man turn on the heat). It was like victory in the short run and destruction in the long run against allowing Imperial Worlds to be in the enemies hands now but be able to secure them later and keep them.

 

Quite so. I'm just not sure why they need a lot of time to reintegrate the worlds. Either the people are ripe for joining the Imperium, or they're not and ought to be killed anyway (so either way, you won't need much of a garrison, will you)? :)

 

Because in the Wings eyes it is *their* Crusade and no-one elses. It would be like someone coming in half-way through and taking over your DIY chapter, it is your creation and dammit you are going to stick with it until the end.

 

I think you need to convey that rather more, then. Right now it just seems like they're too dumb to know when to quit.

 

Which is a totally reasonable angle to do this from. ;)

 

Why not bombard? They might not wanted to destroy the fortress, or they could have been something inside.

 

Then make up a reason and stick it in. Space Marines dying in the mud never adds to their mystique.

 

I only say plunder, not take. With the vast amount of stores on a Forge-world, or even those on ships about to leave the world (which I would still call the Forge-world), a force could easily (well, not easy) drop in, take what they can carry and get out without a massive AM force jumping on them. A force such as the Wings of Death (Astartes) could drop onto a store, plunder it and be out with only a small battle taking place. If they attack ships, then it would be even easier. I would agree that bigger force would be needed to take a Forge World, but to plunder it I'm not sure you would. It might be one of those tasks a smaller force could complete.

 

It's more the getting in that I would worry about. I'd expect a lot of orbital defenses. Raiding convoys I could see much more easily.

 

The Wings and the Lions do not have a relationship, they never founded one. The Lions sent Veterans and the Wings learnt, and that was it. No family dinners, no Christmas cards, nothing. I did at one point think about the Lions being one of the forces sent to hunt down the Wings but I thought if I did that, it would be a subject for IA: Lions of Veles over IA: Wings of Death.

 

True enough.

 

My fingers are itching to have a discusison about this, Chaos Gods discussion anyone?

 

Oh, you wild and crazy heretic, you.