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Lords of Feroce


Hubernator

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It does indeed help :lol: That is a good theory. I was thinking of it being more affected by battles and it seems you hit the idea bang on. The curse itself I still need to work out as to why they have it in the first place ;) Again, your idea helps :lol:

 

I'll need to write this all up. My time is running thin. I'll need to start whipping Solcia and Eirik into shape to get them writing :lol:

I'd vote unknown. It would make sense for the Mecanicus to keep the origin of the geneseed secret given the fact that it's quite obvious they've tapered with it. No Chapter would be amused by this... But if you really want to name the Chapter that the geneseed came from, try to avoid Salamanders since their geneseed was already used by a Chapter in the cursed founding. Imperial Fist might make sense, though. You could say the the tempering also tried to reactivate the organs that don't work in the IF geneseed. Also Raven Guard might be another option for similar reasons.
  • 7 months later...

Well, I just read this for the first time, but it's obvious from reading the tread that a lot of work has gone into this chapter, and I think it shows. The idea of the chapter has caught my attention and my imagination; the flaw of the chapter's geneseed would make for exciting battles and storytelling, I think.

 

I noticed a few typos throughout, so you might want to give it a once-over. Along those lines:

 

The war started on the recently chosen homeplanet, Feroce V. A Necron Awakening began on one of the 4 continents of the planet, to which the Lords responded quickly. The Necrons decimated the entire environment of the continent, creating a barren wasteland.

 

Pet peeve of mine: "to decimate" means "to kill one person out of ten." Even used more loosely, it always refers to a proportional destruction; to say that the "entire" environment was decimated is a contradiction in terms. It's a common mistake, though, so don't worry. But the more you know, right?

 

Oh, and by the way: I freakin' love the chapter symbol.

You would also end up with a younger chapter that isn't steeped in tradition. Since your older marines die you have some of the youngest captains out there, and a high turnover rate amongst senior officers. Or, maybe your senior officers are all dreadnoughts and there's some friction between them and the young marines...either way would be pretty unique wouldn't it?

@Plague Marine: Thanks for the compliment ^_^ Took me ages to work out a decent symbol. As for the "decimated" issue, what word should I use instead? Considering the landscape would be somewhat similar to the desert place from Doctor Who (for those who watched the Easter special this week).

 

@Prosedragon: That is a thought. The general idea though was that the older marines get moved to the Company of the Weak and left thier unless they show thier worth.

I haven't had chance to read it all but i have read the piece about the curse and the comments that people have left.

 

you could perhaps change the curse so that after the marine has recieved all of his implants the ossmodula no longer creates new bone growth. so the marines have the strong bone str

 

A possible different take on the bone weakening curse could be that after a marine has recieved all of his implants the ossmodula will fail. this results in the marines having an original strong bone structure but that once a bone is broken it cannot be repaired with the same strength/speed to the levels of the enhanced skeleton so they often replcace limbs which have been broken with bionics.

 

obviously that would need re-wording but i think that it get's across the ideas that you are trying to include. but of course what you already have here is good.

 

also I really dig that colour scheme.

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