Swords of Orion IA

[Brother Cambrius]

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Chapter's Symbol ? The gold sword

represents the ever shining light of the Emperor

and his divinity, whilst the star behind is known

as the ?Star of Guilliman?.

Name: Swords of Orion

Founding: 12th

Geneseed: Ultramarines

Parent Chapter: Black Consuls

Homeworld: None - Fleet Based

Flagship: Valiant Sword

Chapter Master: Krall Thorin

Heraldry

The Swords of Orion have become a widely feared and respected chapter in their time since their creation, during the 12th great founding in the 34th millennium. They have taken part in many notable crusades, including the ?Cleansing of Salon?s Gate? and defending the Imperium during a number of Black Crusades. The chapter were created from the seed of Guilliman from the Black Consuls chapter. The captain of the second company of the Black Consuls was chosen to become the new chapter master. He decided to name them the Swords of Orion, as they were the knights and protectors of the Orion Belt where they would be stationed. Two ships were donated to the chapter by the Black Consuls, these were the battle-barge, the "Relentless Spirit" and the battleship, the "Herald of Justice" alongside a new battle-barge given by the Mechanicum, the ?Valiant Sword?, which became the chapter?s flagship.

For over twenty Terran years the chapter were given tutelage by their parent chapter in the art of warfare and partially assisted them during the 7th Black Crusade, where the Swords of Orion gained the honour of slaying the crazed, corrupted governor of Tropolis. The Swords were finally declared a fully operational chapter in 777.M34, with over four hundred brothers in their ranks ready to ravage and cleanse the enemies of the Imperium. Success after success came to the chapter over the following decades and they became a great ally to the Imperial armies around the area of the Orion Belt and in the Ultima Segmentum. The chapter also became strong allies to the Inquisitor Felix Takato and his retinue, who assisted the chapter during the crusade in the daemon infested Forenaught sector.

Phellenor

Around 400 years after the chapter?s creation, they were tasked in destroying the ancient Eldar spaceship, Phellenor as it ravaged through the Orion Belt. The chapter chased and fought the Eldar for over a year but soon, after heavy losses had been taken by the Eldar, after the assault on Fermax Prime and the ship?s engines were damaged by a lucky Nova Cannon shot, the Swords of Orion prepared to board it. Seeing the opportunity to finally rid the Imperium of this Eldar menace, the Swords of Orion called for assistance, knowing that their chapter wouldn?t be enough to take down the mighty ship and soon their brother chapter, the Falcons Sanguine answered the call. It was decided that a large boarding party from both chapters would be used, where the Falcons would start the initial assault with their Death Company striking first and then the Swords of Orion would follow and plant the vortex grenade charges in the engine bay. The fierceness of the Blood Angel successors created a massacre as they headed towards the engine bays, following the source of heat created by them. All went well and the charges were placed in the engine bay, but then disaster struck for the marines as the timed detonator was damaged by a counterattack from the Eldar. It was then decided by Veteran Ixion of the Swords of Orion that he would sacrifice himself and set it off manually as he took cover. With reluctance, Chapter Master Aliton agreed and blessed him before he led his brothers back to the boarding boats. The two chapters then fought back through a bloody path towards the boarding ships, which had just been attached to the Eldar vessel. As the chapters headed back towards their respective ships and pulled out, Veteran Ixion was given a psychic message by the Epistolary of the Swords of Orion and detonated the charges, splitting the mighty craft in two and killing all on board.

After the battle, the chapter declared a week of fasting and praise for Veteran Ixion?s noble sacrifice and the chapter became close brothers to the Falcons Sanguine chapter. As the chapters split away and departed across the stars to Imperial docks to be refitted and repaired, an Eldar Craftworld called Idharae came across the remains of Phellenor after receiving a distress signal from them and vowed that punishment would be given to the two chapters that destroyed their family. As the Falcons Sanguine celebrated in their fleet for the victory, the Eldar Craftworld attacked without warning and decimated the chapter; all but three companies survived the terrible onslaught after retreating. The chapter have been a sombre one ever since that day of bloodshed. The Swords of Orion fared better for their actions and the chapter?s fleet split into their respective companies and moved onto their separate patrols around the Orion belt. Two days after the chapter?s fleet split apart, Craftworld Idharae suddenly attacked the small fleet of the second company and after destroying its communication arrays first, it mercilessly annihilated every ship in its path before disappearing into the webway once more. A faint distress signal was given out by the flagship of the second company, ?Spirit of Justice? and was picked up by the chapter master?s fleet four days after the massacre. He called for the entire chapter to rally on his point and then search for any remnants from the second company, but all that was left was floating wrecks with no survivors. After seeing

The Unknown Chapter

Some of the chapter?s geneseed was taken by the High Lords of Terra during the 21st ?Cursed? founding to create a new chapter. All records of this chapter seemed to be expunged after the cursed founding and the chapter declared ?destroyed? for unknown reasons, but an image bearing their heraldry is still on records and it has been seen a number of times in battle upon Armageddon and during the 12th and 13th Black Crusade. The Swords of Orion see this a small stain upon their honour and try to discover who the chapter are and find out why they were deemed as destroyed.

such terrible destruction and soon hearing of the plight of the Falcons Sanguine, chapter master Aliton declared that when the Craftworld would return to Imperial space again, he would crush it in the name of the Second Company and the Falcons Sanguine.

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; ">The Black Crusades

The Swords of Orion have taken part in many actions against the forces of chaos in a number of the Despoiler?s Black Crusades, their actions during the ninth crusade saved the vitally strategic defence system of Phaelon as the renegade chapter, the ?Legion of Hate?, ravaged the sector without mercy. They also defended the Galina sub sector from the Word Bearers as they fought to capture the demonically possessed Titan ?Soulflayer?. But tragedy struck in the dying embers of the crusade as the Swords of Orion defended the planet of Phaelon III as the Legion of Hate made a final assault to take the Hive City of Phalanx Prime. The Daemon Prince Khar?konum, leader of the Legion of Hatred had rallied together a cohort of mechanized traitor guardsmen alongside the remnants of his chaos marines. The two armies met at Crescent Gorge and on those desert fields a titanic and apocalyptic battle took place but the heretics were creating massive losses with the heavy weaponry utilized by the guardsmen. All seemed loss as the banners and captains of the third and fifth company fell to a sudden incursion of gibbering daemons. But as the Swords of Orion were being pushed back, a strange ally emerged from the smoke and began to cut through the chaos force?s lines. It was the widely awed and fabled Legion of the Damned. The legendary warriors scythed through the lines of chaos filth,

Black Consuls Annihilation

When news reached the chapter of the annihilation of the Black Consuls, their parent chapter, a month of mourning was held throughout the Swords of Orion. A single black candle was lit for them in the main chapel aboard the flagship, the Valiant Sword. A black candle now eternally remains lit in remembrance of the chapter?s ?parents?. Small contingents of marines from the Swords of Orion were sent to the area where the Black Consuls were destroyed and they search for any survivors of the destruction. In remembrance, the Black Consuls? symbol was placed on the left kneepad of each marine to remember the loss. No marines bear the mark anymore, but almost all of the dreadnoughts still bear the mark.

cutting down swathes every second.

After watching in wonder as his new allies cut a swathes of daemons down, Chapter Master Neptus rallied his men and charged towards the lines of the enemy and as the banners of the third and fourth were held up by the second company, the chapter struck the lines of daemons filled with righteous hate and faith. The charge pushed the chaos followers back and soon Neptus faced the Daemon Prince Khar'konum where the two fought tooth and nail but after around an hour of duelling, Neptus was struck down but as Khar'konum brought down his final blow Neptus released a vortex grenade at the Daemon's feet, sucking them both into the screaming warp. With their leader gone, the chaos force broke in strength and morale and began to retreat with the Swords of Orion cutting them down.

In the dust of the aftermath, the chapter searched for their commander and for the Legion of the Damned, but all that was found of Neptus was his sword, the ?Sword of Orion? and his helmet that bore the Star of Guilliman. The Legion of the Damned was also nowhere to be seen. The wargear was taken and blessed in the cathedral at the Hive City by Master of Sanctity; Helios Strada, who was a close brother of Neptus and both had risen through the ranks together. The cathedral is now a sacred site for the chapter and a small detachment of marines attend a service every 5 years in remembrance of the war that roared across the planet in remembrance to the losses taken that fateful day and to give praise to the chapter master. The sword and helmet are now sacred relics and are worn into battle by every chapter master who leads his brothers in battle.

Recent Actions

The chapter have taken part in a number of significant recent actions, including in the Third war for Armageddon against the Orks and in destroying a number of Necron tomb worlds. The Swords of Orion have clashed with the Legion of Hate many times since the battle for Crescent Gorge and every time, the Sword of Orion and Star of Guilliman have been brought into battle against them, wielded by the chapter master. The most recent chapter master, Krall Thorin has slain many leaders of the Legion of Hate in recent actions against them, including in the 12th Black Crusade and in the second defence of Fermax Prime. The Eldar have still sought revenge for the blood of those that the chapter and the Falcons Sanguine inflicted but none have been as devastating as the aftermath from destroying the Eldar battleship. Relations with the Falcons Sanguine since the aftermath have stayed strong and the Swords of Orion readily call to the aid of the Falcons Sanguine in thanks and remembrance for their service all those millennia ago.

Organisation + Combat Doctrine

The Swords of Orion follow the codex?s teachings to the letter as they see Guilliman as the saviour of mankind and the Imperium during the Scouring and aftermath from the Horus Heresy. Normal codex markings are used throughout the chapter and to represent each company, the shoulder pad trims are coloured. The only deviation in markings is the unique way a captain is represented in each company; every captain?s weapon is painted in the colour of his company, as is the Star of Guilliman in the chapter?s symbol. The heraldry of the captain is placed on a small shield that?s attached to their left shoulder pad, similar to the Iron Knights.

The chapter rely heavily on mechanised assaults on the enemy with Rhinos and Land Raiders and rarely use heavy tanks or artillery, but vindicators are often used to break up the ranks of the enemy before the rest of the chapter strike down with their Thunderhawks and APCs. The chapter rarely use drop pods as their method of getting to the surface of a planet unless a severely rapid attack is required, so the chapter use squadrons of Thunderhawks instead as a method of striking down on the enemy before they land. Pilots of the Swords of Orion are often sent to the Hawk Lords chapter to learn further skill in their craft in their fabled ?Talon?s Wing? and the chapter have seen action alongside each other many times. The Swords of Orion do not have a fortress monastery as such as they?re a fleet based chapter that crusade and defends around the areas of the Orion Belt, but keep and small fortresses are kept on strategic planets. The main chapter fleet is normally split into five separate fleets, where each is led by a captain and with elements from the reserves, veteran and scout company. The smaller fleet is comprised normally of one battle barge and a dozen smaller cruisers with defence ships patrolling around them in tight formation.

The sword is regarded in the highest degree amongst the entire chapter and very rarely does a commander or veteran choose to use a different shape of blade as a weapon. To wield a power sword into battle is seen as a great honour and only the most experienced of veteran sergeants wield them. When a member of the chapter is indoctrinated into the 1st company, a golden sword is added onto their right shoulder pad, looking like it?s been struck through the pad. The veteran is also presented with a golden blade to be worn on their belt as decoration and the symbol of the chapter is etched into their right shoulder as well as the previous etching that was made in their ?ascension? to an astartes. Plasma weapons are also regarded in the highest degree of respect and honour as well as it epitomises the ever-shining light of the Emperor and the fury that lies within them.

The most sacred and venerated sword in the chapter is the fabled ?Sword of Orion? that chapter master Neptus used when he fought with the Daemon Prince Khar?konum. It is only used in the direst of circumstances and when not used it is kept on the main altar of the chapel aboard the Valiant Sword inside a piece of dark granite stone.

Recruitment + Beliefs

Being a fleet based chapter, The Swords of Orion use a number of for recruitment. They are mostly medieval feudal worlds, where young knights train in the clans and armies of the planet and hopefully join the ranks of the "Immortal Angels" (the chapter) if they are deemed worthy enough when the ?angels? descend upon the planet to recruit more members through a series of trials. These trials include splitting the many hopefuls into groups of 25 and then, they all each duel against each other and the winner from the battle is chosen to go to the next stage of recruitment, which includes the climbing up the ?Unforgiving Mountain? and defeating a combat servitor with only a small combat knife. When an initiate finally joins the rank of the chapter as a scout, he has a sword etched onto his left shoulder and on top of his primary heart, representing that even if they lose everything against the enemy their heart and soul will always stay with the chapter. If a marine was to turn from the chapter and Emperor?s light, he?s found and executed, but before his execution the etchings are burnt away from his skin, representing that he?s no longer a member of the chapter, or the bond of brotherhood that resides in each astartes of the Swords of Orion.

On the 77th year of every century, the ?Festival of the Sword? is held celebrating the time when the chapter became fully independent. Many contests are held and the most prominent is the League of Orion. This is a great sporting event, where two champions are chosen from each of the four battle companies and they take part in a gruelling ?decathlon? and the final round to decide the true champion, the top scoring two contestants ?joust? each other using a bike with a metal lance and storm shield attached. The winner from that battle is then presented the ?Axe of Ixion? by the chapter master and the champion?s company hold the honour of carrying it into battle until the next festival.

The chapter hold many knightly virtues and hate and despise cowards in all forms and have been known to execute entire companies of Imperial Guard who have fled. This was seen during the 11th Black Crusade when the hapless 21st Gregorian Guard regiment retreated from their lines as a mass of daemons attacked their lines. The chapter have gained a fearful reputation since with all of the Imperial Guard units. The chapter see the Emperor as the great all father of mankind and so they have an endless fury and are disgusted and shamed by their fallen brethren who betrayed humanity and its father.

Battlecry

The battlecry of the chapter is traditionally ?For Orion and the Emperor!? but deviations of it are often heard. The chapter?s motto is ?May the sword of golden justice strike through the tainted hearts of men and cleanse the galaxy of all xenos threats!? This is often tattooed onto the right hand of a marine or across their backs above an Imperial Aquila.

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Well, there's my inital ideas. How do they look overall?

Cambrius

Edited November 14, 2008 by Brother Cambrius

[GhostLegion]

Looks like you have some solid notes to work from here, im actually impressed. To be honest, I want to see this written up and fleshed out now, I do like the impression and the visuals I am getting are almost enough to steal for myself (damn me and my writing habits), but I think I can hold off a bit and see where you take it.

 

One note, the chapter badge...I understand gold for veterans/first co., but why not run with that as a thematic structure? you could either go gold for veteran, white for regular, gray for scout...or you could go by unit type (tactical, assault, dev, vet)... This would give a little more variation and maybe allow some heraldry fun for veteran commanders too. ...I do like the sword motif. nice touch there. did you think about flipping the sword? point down?

 

 

to all others: this type of outlining/brainstorming is incredibly helpful in crafting a chapter idea and making something that works. Instead of just rushing strait to the IA, why not settle back and make a rough outline of ideas first...help yourselves out!!!

[Brother Cambrius]

Thanks GhostLegion. I like the idea for the different colours for the sword but I'm going to keep it gold as it's supposed to represent the divinity of the Emperor and the light of the Emperor.

 

What bits do you want to nick? Feel free to.

 

Cambrius

[GhostLegion]

Oh if i plan to steal something I will let you know...I've got a rough idea of a fluff piece forming that will need representation of at least one or two other chapters than my own and this looks ripe for the plucking (insert dark laugh here).

 

as to the coloring, by all means keep the gold. what i am pointing out is the sword is obviously important. the way you have the bullet comment worded though is that the halo is the chapter badge and the sword is only added in gold to 1st co. I am suggesting that you retain the sword and halo as the badge across the board, and vary the color slightly. Thus, if the first co is gold, the others are (insert other color here). This way you can retain the importance of the sword throughout the chapter.

[buzz_navy]

love it brother eagerly awaiting more on your chapter although i think a chapter fleet should consist of more than 4 ships

[Brother Cambrius]

Oh if i plan to steal something I will let you know...I've got a rough idea of a fluff piece forming that will need representation of at least one or two other chapters than my own and this looks ripe for the plucking (insert dark laugh here).

 

as to the coloring, by all means keep the gold. what i am pointing out is the sword is obviously important. the way you have the bullet comment worded though is that the halo is the chapter badge and the sword is only added in gold to 1st co. I am suggesting that you retain the sword and halo as the badge across the board, and vary the color slightly. Thus, if the first co is gold, the others are (insert other color here). This way you can retain the importance of the sword throughout the chapter.

 

I'll wait in anticipation for your call. I have a few other chapters that I've worked on if you want to read them.

 

As said I like the idea for the colours but what I've done is make the veteran symbol a white sword on the right shoulder pad. I may make a sword with a different colour in it to represent each type of squad.

 

love it brother eagerly awaiting more on your chapter although i think a chapter fleet should consist of more than 4 ships

 

There are more ships, I just haven't named them yet. :rolleyes:

 

Cambrius

[bjorn irongaze]

i think that the symbols couler should be the same but maybe each captains power sword blade should be in his company couler :)

[GhostLegion]

Ok...reread this again and can only say I want to see your thoughts on how they act/react. Looking this over I see decent notes on history and actions...decent notes on symbology...a scratch at base belief...

 

I see no characterization. I know you have it lurking in your head/notes somewhere, but at the moment I see nothing that truely defines the character of the chapter. Nothing to give them life.

 

yes, yes

Hate and despise cowards in all forms and have been known to excecute entire companies of Imperial Guard who have fled.

is a start, a bare bones shallow scratch from which to build, but i am sure youve got more somewhere.... :o

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

I've seen this somewhere before. ;)

 

Looks good though I am noticing the changes that have been made. Different, to be sure. However its not all roses my friend.

 

. Fought a bloody campaign against the Eldar Craftworld Phellenor as it ravaged through the Orion Belt and after around a year of fighting whilst chasing the craftworld from system to system, the Craftworld was annihilated after a mighty clash above the planet Fermax Prime after many savage boarding actions on the craftworld. After a week of sluaghter the Eldar ship was ripped in two by a colossal explosion in the engine bays, thanks to the noble sacrafice of Veteran Ixion, who detonated the reactor.

 

This, while nice, is a bit.... overkill? If you look in the new codex there is a chapter that takes on an eldar craftworld and while they do significant damage, evntually destroying it, they get severely mauled in the process. An Eldar Craftworld would be one hell of a fortress. Also that chapter was just about destroyed when Biel Tan took revenge for them, destroying their Fortress Monestary which is no small feat.

 

The only thing story wise other than the 'mary sue', or in this case 'gary stu''ness of the piece is really just a phrase. You say boarding actions on the craftworld. While the Craftworld is 'man'-made and travels through space I would hesitate to call it a ship. It is more of a large city and while technically you can say a boarding action is correct terminology, I wouldn't. I would say invaded as a craftworld is huge and would be defended more like a hive-city would, in my opinion. Feel free to disagree however. ;)

 

Also, remember that the Eldar are still one of the only forces that can severely outperform a space marine chapter in every area apart from sheer brute-force, you need an exceptional commander to best them I would think, especially on their own turf.

 

Another problem for me is the duel between chapter master and greater daemon. A Squad of Grey Knight Terminators can have serious trouble taking down a greater daemon. A single chapter master versus a 'Greater' Daemon? Do you mean Daemon Prince? If not that chapter master must have been one lucky bugger. I am one of the people who tend to over-state marine abilities, if only slightly, but I honestly do have a little trouble seeing a chapter master take down a Greater Daemon unless he was kitted out to the back teeth with gear. Though that said, it is certainly not out of the bounds of reality, perhaps shorten it a bit, in time frame. Though that again is my personal bias.

 

Hate and despise cowards in all forms and have been known to excecute entire companies of Imperial Guard who have fled.

 

Very Iron Hands-ey but it can work if you can find a particular event to tie it to.

 

One thing I noticed is that this colour scheme is very very close to the Sons of Doom scheme. Very close. You might want to look at that.

 

Oh and congrats on getting the Sons of Doom in the Librarium! ;)

[Sigismund Himself]

...detonated the reactor.

Would the Craftworld even have a reactor?

 

Oh and congrats on getting the Sons of Doom in the Librarium! ^_^

Ancient news ;)

 

I'll try and get back to you with more later tonight.

[Brother Cambrius]

Changes and more have been added.

 

I've seen this somewhere before. ;)

 

Where? :lol:

 

Looks good though I am noticing the changes that have been made. Different, to be sure. However its not all roses my friend.

 

This, while nice, is a bit.... overkill? If you look in the new codex there is a chapter that takes on an eldar craftworld and while they do significant damage, evntually destroying it, they get severely mauled in the process. An Eldar Craftworld would be one hell of a fortress. Also that chapter was just about destroyed when Biel Tan took revenge for them, destroying their Fortress Monestary which is no small feat.

 

Yeah, I'm a little uneasy about this but I like it a lot and I hope to keep it in the history as the Wrath of Ixion gets some punishment off the Eldar around 1000 years later, killing most of the second company with it.

 

The only thing story wise other than the 'mary sue', or in this case 'gary stu''ness of the piece is really just a phrase. You say boarding actions on the craftworld. While the Craftworld is 'man'-made and travels through space I would hesitate to call it a ship. It is more of a large city and while technically you can say a boarding action is correct terminology, I wouldn't. I would say invaded as a craftworld is huge and would be defended more like a hive-city would, in my opinion. Feel free to disagree however. ;)

 

Hmm, I ee them as great shis as they do traverse space, although then the Rck copuld come under that category. think I'll keep it a a boarding action as it is more or less a ship.

 

Also, remember that the Eldar are still one of the only forces that can severely outperform a space marine chapter in every area apart from sheer brute-force, you need an exceptional commander to best them I would think, especially on their own turf.

 

What about superior firepower? The two armies ha been fighting for over a year in space battles and on a few planets, so dmage had been taken on both sides but I'll be writing in the fleshed out version about the reinforcements brought by the Ultramarines or Black Consuls.

 

Another problem for me is the duel between chapter master and greater daemon. A Squad of Grey Knight Terminators can have serious trouble taking down a greater daemon. A single chapter master versus a 'Greater' Daemon? Do you mean Daemon Prince? If not that chapter master must have been one lucky bugger. I am one of the people who tend to over-state marine abilities, if only slightly, but I honestly do have a little trouble seeing a chapter master take down a Greater Daemon unless he was kitted out to the back teeth with gear. Though that said, it is certainly not out of the bounds of reality, perhaps shorten it a bit, in time frame. Though that again is my personal bias.

 

Well he did have a vortex grenade. ;) Surely that would deal with a greater daemon? I've changed it to Daemon Prince though as I can see your point reagrding the fact that GKs have trouble taking down one.

 

Very Iron Hands-ey but it can work if you can find a particular event to tie it to.

 

I'm thinking of adding it in one of the Black Crusades or on Armageddon. That or I'll make one up somewhere.

 

One thing I noticed is that this colour scheme is very very close to the Sons of Doom scheme. Very close. You might want to look at that.

 

Oh and congrats on getting the Sons of Doom in the Librarium! ^_^

 

Are you sure? The blue's lighter and the SODs have bronze like armor on their back packs and left arm. It represents the armour worn by Autonian tribes when in battle, which incidentally was bronze.

 

Thanks, it's going to have a humongous revamp though in the future. :)

 

A lot of the other siggestions given have been considered and if you read through you may find some of them. ;)

 

Cambrius

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Where?

\

It was the colour scheme, it reminded me of Sons of Doom, which I later realised and stated. At first I thought I had seen the chapter before as one of your own, then I visited your SoD in the Librarium. :D

The blue's lighter and the SODs have bronze like armor on their back packs and left arm. It represents the armour worn by Autonian tribes when in battle, which incidentally was bronze.

http://img237.imageshack.us/img237/8977/sonsofdoomof0.jpg

I find them very similar indeed.

What about superior firepower?

I'm not 100% what you mean by this as the Eldar's superior technology in all things directly relates to the amount of firepower they can put out. I would say that the Eldar have much more firepower at their disposal than the Space Marines simply by virtue of their weapons being hundreds of millennia ahead of Imperial ones.

Its all quite good Cam, though the bullet-points now need to come down in favour of something that flows, though I am sure your working on that so no worries there I suppose. I think I'll reserve any more judgement until its updated as suggested. I'm looking forward to the next update Cam!

[Brother Cambrius]

It was the colour scheme, it reminded me of Sons of Doom, which I later realised and stated. At first I thought I had seen the chapter before as one of your own, then I visited your SoD in the Librarium. :lol:

http://img237.imageshack.us/img237/8977/sonsofdoomof0.jpg

I find them very similar indeed.

Well the White Panthers and Mortifactors are similar aren't they? What about the Ultramarines and the Star Dragons? :P I'd imagine quite a few chapters will have similar heraldry since there's over 1000 of them. The Swords are quite different from the Sons of Doom though.

What about superior firepower?

I'm not 100% what you mean by this as the Eldar's superior technology in all things directly relates to the amount of firepower they can put out. I would say that the Eldar have much more firepower at their disposal than the Space Marines simply by virtue of their weapons being hundreds of millennia ahead of Imperial ones.

Yes, but sheer numbers could win it couldn't it? I'd imagine most losses would be on the imperial Navy and its ships than on the astartes (apart from Gary Stu of course ;)). When it's fully written, the "Falcons Sanguine" Show up and help the Sword of Orion. They're BA guys so they caused severe bloodshed on the craftworld when they got on board but pulled out as well when Ixion made his sacrafice.

I hope to get the full write up done overthe weekend, but it'll probably be a no-no on Sunday as I'll be busy on parade in my Explorer Scout uniform. Remember them. ;)

Cambrius

[Brother Cambrius]

The history has now been fully written up. :rolleyes: Please do leave a comment and possibly some advice if needed?

 

Thanks,

 

Cambrius

[Brother Cambrius]

Sorry to triple post, but just to say that it has now been fully completed. I await judgement from all who wish to leave a comment. :lol:

 

Cambrius

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Looks great Cam! Not much I can say about it apart from the piece about the Eldar changed from a craftworld to a battleship. Why? I thought the craftworld was great, just a few niggles with your use of grammar regarding it.

 

The Eldar also as far as I know don't operate huge ships like the Imperial fleet does, they dont need to. They have a few ships that are of equal size to a battleship but they are incredibly agile and fast as all Eldar ships are, their use of holo-fields making them extremely hard to hit combined with these other advantages. Though mind you, thats not to say they couldn't have a large ship (it may not be large but thats how it came across to me) that survived their races fall.

 

It all looks pretty good there Cam, props and congrats. :lol:

 

PS: Love the tattooing, I love tattoos. :D

[GhostLegion]

Well, beyond the statements I made earlier (which it appears you have at least thought about, if not worked with) I think you have a solid article here. Beyond a few grammar points I can see no real improvements or additions I could make...nice work...

 

 

now back to plotting how to mess with these guys -_-

[Brother Cambrius]

Thanks for the comments guys. Regarding the Eldar craft he Carftowrld didn't seem to work out to well in my mind in the end so what I'll go for is an Eldar cruiser from before the "accident" they suffred and as said it was a very quick and well protected ship so it took a year to actually cause enough damage for a strike to be possible. Could you show me the grammar points GhostLegion? That would help me lots. ;)

 

<EDIT>Now I ask a very foolish question. Librarium worthy yet? :)

 

Cambrius

Edited November 12, 2008 by Brother Cambrius

[Brother Cambrius]

A few minor grammatical edits have been made. Look better? Is it ready for the dusty archives yet or should there be more I should add/adjust/change?

 

Cambrius

[Commissar Molotov]

I want to avoid an in-depth analysis of 'errors' for a discussion of the IA in general. I think the critique thus far in your thread has been pretty accurate. To my mind, this Chapter lacks a 'soul'. There is little in the way of characterisation, and I think you suffer from a lack of focus. You're not paying attention to your core themes, and I think the IA as a whole suffers from it. It's IA: Swords of Orion (ostensibly, at least) but you pay too much time and attention on others.

 

The large section detailing the campaign to assault the Phellenor seems completely pointless to me. What does it add to your Chapter? I'd leave aside my disbelief that the entire Chapter spent an entire year chasing a highly manoeuvrable Eldar vessel that could enter the webway at any time - an utter waste of the Astartes - and instead ask this - why do you need to add in the Falcons Sanguine? Are they another Chapter you've created? It seems you tell us far too much about the Falcons.

 

If IA: Ultramarines included 960 words (the length of your 'Phellenor' and 'Aftermath' sections) on the Black Reach war, what would it actually tell us about the Chapter? An IA article is intended to be a highly focused piece of writing that conveys and exemplifies the core themes of the Chapter in question. You spend a lot of time telling us about the Falcons Sanguine (including the suicide of their Chapter Master), the Invaders, the Black Consuls, the Legion of Hate and the Legion of the Damned - time that could be spent telling us about the Swords of Orion instead.

 

(On a fluff note, I'd mention that the Swords of Orion encounters the Legion of the Damned during the 'ninth crusade' and yet the Fire Hawks weren't lost in the warp until the last century of recorded time - is that an intentional gaffe, or...?)

 

I'd also argue that if you wish to include the Legion of Hate so heavily , do so in the form of a sidebar, perhaps even replacing the one detailing the Black Consuls.

 

If you could perhaps look at re-focusing the article on the Swords of Orion, I think you'd have a much stronger piece of writing overall.

[Brother Cambrius]

Thanks for the reply Mol. I'll reply with some reasons and edits later on today. <_<

 

Cambrius

[Brother Cambrius]

ANSWERS AHOY! *ahem*

 

I want to avoid an in-depth analysis of 'errors' for a discussion of the IA in general. I think the critique thus far in your thread has been pretty accurate. To my mind, this Chapter lacks a 'soul'. There is little in the way of characterisation, and I think you suffer from a lack of focus. You're not paying attention to your core themes, and I think the IA as a whole suffers from it. It's IA: Swords of Orion (ostensibly, at least) but you pay too much time and attention on others.

 

Hmm, a soul you say? I'm rubbish when it comes to giving character about a chapter. :( Advice/tips/examples on applying that please?

 

The large section detailing the campaign to assault the Phellenor seems completely pointless to me. What does it add to your Chapter? I'd leave aside my disbelief that the entire Chapter spent an entire year chasing a highly manoeuvrable Eldar vessel that could enter the webway at any time - an utter waste of the Astartes - and instead ask this - why do you need to add in the Falcons Sanguine? Are they another Chapter you've created? It seems you tell us far too much about the Falcons.

 

Hmm, it was one of the first things I came up with as there may be a very good reason for the Phellenor disaster and the fate of the Falcons Sanguine. Just look for our fellow member Kek and he may provide the answer. They'll be given an edit hopefully in the near future. :devil:

 

Regarding the timing of the chase I may change it down to a month or two. What would you suggest? They don't literally chase the Eldar mind, they defend the planets that the ship attacked so it wasn't simply an elongated "police chase."

 

If IA: Ultramarines included 960 words (the length of your 'Phellenor' and 'Aftermath' sections) on the Black Reach war, what would it actually tell us about the Chapter? An IA article is intended to be a highly focused piece of writing that conveys and exemplifies the core themes of the Chapter in question. You spend a lot of time telling us about the Falcons Sanguine (including the suicide of their Chapter Master), the Invaders, the Black Consuls, the Legion of Hate and the Legion of the Damned - time that could be spent telling us about the Swords of Orion instead.

 

*watches Phellenor go down in flames* Hmm, much to think about here, Phellenor is duly remembered by the chapter for the massacre of the 2nd company but I may make the damage taken greater so that it's more heartfelt by the chapter even today (well, in 40K terms). What I'm trying to come across is that the chapter still hold knightly virtues but they hold deep feelings of vengeance for those who attack their brothers. Similar to a strong family. (Is this a soul I'm beginning to see before me?)

 

(On a fluff note, I'd mention that the Swords of Orion encounters the Legion of the Damned during the 'ninth crusade' and yet the Fire Hawks weren't lost in the warp until the last century of recorded time - is that an intentional gaffe, or...?)

 

:P *facepalms* Argh! Now that's going to be a problem. Any ideas or suggestions to counter this problem?

 

I'd also argue that if you wish to include the Legion of Hate so heavily, do so in the form of a sidebar, perhaps even replacing the one detailing the Black Consuls.

 

Hmm, I may do that but I want to keep the Black Consuls bit as the chapter still have a detachment of marines searching for them.

 

If you could perhaps look at re-focusing the article on the Swords of Orion, I think you'd have a much stronger piece of writing overall.

 

Time to get to work… :blink:

 

Cambrius

[GhostLegion]

Name: Swords of Orion

Founding: 12th

Geneseed: Ultramarines

Parent Chapter: Black Consuls

Homeworld: None - Fleet Based

Flagship: Valiant Sword

Chapter Master: Krall Thorin

 

Im going to have to second Commissar Molotov here. You do have a lot of work in place, but it does feel rather empty for some reason. I think Mol hit the high points so Ill let you do some work to it before I dive in again.

 

Also, the quoted section above is kind of distracting from the IA as a whole. Setting it off like this degrades the overall quality of work you have done with the artice itself. I would recomend incorporating this information in the appropriate sections of the article instead of setting it off in a list like this.