IA: Exonerators

[Apothete]

Origins:

Proud to the point of arrogance and steadfast beyond the call of duty, the Exonerators were created from the geneline of Ferrus Manus to bolster the Astartes Praeses' bloody watch over their traitorous kin. Much like their immediate primogenitors, the fledgling Chapter was sent to replace those in need, bolstering the defenses surrounding the Eye of Terror and forming a rapid strike force that would patrol the far border of that tainted space. Their remit would not allow for reliance upon a single world, and thus the enormous, pre-Heresy warship known as the Unyielding Resolve became their fortress monastery. Centuries of warfare and a dearth of recruitment saw the Chapter whittled away, broken and yet unbowed as they snarled defiance at the forces arrayed against them. The remaining Brothers swore to a crusade of cleansing, forging into the heart of the Eye aboard the Strike Cruiser Heart of Iron, with their colors and heraldry struck and the stores of wargear placed with the Mechanicus against the day that it would be needed. With time, even their existence became a distant memory, stored in dusty stacks and forgotten by all but the most studious of historians.

Honoring the bequest of the fallen Brothers and the Chapter's incredible sacrifice and willingness to face the most desperate odds, the Exonerators were raised from the ashes upon the Eighth Founding, some thousand years after their original creation. Abbadon's attempt to breach the new defenses at Cadia highlighted the need for a strong, mobile force which could respond to the rapacious predations of the daemon, the traitor, and the heretic. Rather than risking being spread too thin along the border that ranged away from the fortress-worlds, the newly refounded Chapter were returned to their former home aboard their flagship and armed with a fleet that would allow for the long-ranging operations for which they would become known. Clad in their ancient colors and lead by a Captain of the Sons of Medusa named Talo Dedlok, the neophytes and their veteran overseers immediately left Mars and set course for the Rubicon Straits - an unregarded and poorly patrolled region of space on the far verge of the perpetual warpstorm that threatened the Scarum Sector.

During the journey, Talo would scour worlds in their path for suitable recruits in order to bolster their ranks and prepare for the inevitable conflict to come. The Exonerators brought the vengeance of a righteous Imperium wherever they went, the torch of war held aloft in the cold, metallic hands of their stern taskmasters. On the world of Nydus, they swept the canals clear of cultists and put the entire cities to flame, along with the cowering PDF troopers who had failed to stop the uprising. At the grinding stalemate of Vichy II, the Chapter scuttled a greenskin fleet and drove their crippled ships into decaying orbits around the gas giant that would see them burn to cinders, leaving the gutted Imperial Navy fleet to tend to its own wounds. World after world, engaging in bombardment or boarding action, the Exonerators would lose their own to pay for the folly of man and the weakness of his resolve to survive.

It would be the battle which saw them locked in combat with the forces of Craftworld Il-Kaithe and an incursion of daemon-ships which would shape the destiny of the Chapter indelibly. Having learned of the goal of the Great Crusade and the Emperor's intention for man to become the secular, proper masters of the warp from the great tutelary engines deep within the fortress-ship, the Brother-Librarians were no strangers to employing their otherworldly talents in the prosecution of war. However, against the combined might of the farseers, bonesingers, and the swift Eldar ships, combined with the sheer, raw power of the manifesting entities within the hulls of the traitor fleet, they stood little chance. Forced into a bitter fighting retreat, their geneseed and the increasingly rare neophytes too precious to allow to fall, the Chapter fell back and jumped into the empyrean. The xenos and the daemons were welcome to one another in Talo's mind.

Calling together the Captains and inviting the most senior of his advisors, Talo flew into a rage at the retreat they had been forced to choose. An increasing number of neophytes were failing in the early stages of their training, rejecting the progenoids even before receiving their black carapace. Coupled with the manifest cowardice of the Imperial forces they encountered, the sheer inability of conventional defenses to face the predations of the corsair fleets, the evidence mounted in his eyes that mankind was falling far short of their Father's intended destiny. There and then, knowing that the men with him would form the first Grand Conclave, Talo swore each of them to the pursuit of perfection not only in their own forms but also in those who they would be protecting and drawing their recruits from. No worthwhile aspirant could possibly come from so lowly a stock, and so the Exonerators would actively encourage the growth and improvement of mankind. To this end, he assigned Iron Father Kalun and Chaplain Horatius Venn to create a body within the Chapter which would oversee not only the development of their Brothers, but also the fitness of those who dwelled within their sphere of influence. Thus were the Scrutators born.

The Price of Vigilance

Engraved upon sheets of blessed electrum and bound in plates smelted from recovered hull fragments of destroyed elements of the first Exonerator Chapter's fleet, the

Price of Vigilance contains the collected Requiat Heroicum and the tales of those who came before. The volumes occupy places of honor in every shipboard chapel and the Scrutators are known to carry them into battle as badges of office.

Every novice is required to memorize the entire book as a measure of piety and a test of his mind, to learn the most basic of doctrines from the sacrifice of those who came before him.

The pages of the holy text contain two lessons. First and foremost is that eradication of the Chapter is an acceptable sacrifice if it stops untold harm from reaching the rest of the galaxy. Of secondary importance, the volume also tells of the message which was sent to the Inquisition upon the destruction of an entire Naval strike force which they had been implored to rescue.

The communique consisted of few words and, though not complete in its account, they were entirely true. Simply, it said, "The fleet is a total loss. Retribution has been dealt."

Centuries had passed since the departure from Mars, wiled away in conflict and recruitment as a path was carved through the stars. New aspirants were brought aboard the hulking warship-monastery, undergoing the grueling process by which they would be tested for fitness, each measured not just as a man but as an example of his people. Taking the long view, the Chapter began to seed the stars with children taken from those genestocks that produced the best Astartes, leaving them to fend for themselves as further test of their capability. Detachments lead by Scrutators would return after decades, centuries, even millenia, and bring to bear the arts genetor, so that they could codify and enhance the traits that would lead them on to greater and greater victory.

More than once, the Exonerators would uncover signs of blasphemous taint or overt rebellion amongst their charges. Without mercy or remorse, these worlds were purged by cyclonic torpedo or deployments meant to teach the fledgling Marines the cost of seeking perfection. In each case, even should they stand unbloodied and unharmed, the Chapter's belief that mankind was too weak to properly serve the Emperor was reinforced by the failure of the populace or the militaries which defended them. The final proof would come in two forms, one temporal and paid in the blood of Brothers, the other from within the vast central library within the Unyielding Resolve.

Even as the Exonerators were beginning to fully engage the forces of Chaos, great stores of information within the inner sanctum were being prepared and further decoded, disused tutelary engines brought back online so that they might impart the lessons of their spiritual ancestors to the neophytes and augment the doctrine of the Sons. Buried within genelocked databanks that only opened to those created from their own ranks, the indoctrinal liturgies of the Exonerators once more flowed in receptive, capable minds. Talo, Venn, Kalun, and the rest of the Conclave soon realized that the course they had charted was inspired, that the hand of the Emperor was upon them and guiding their steps towards a better, brighter future for the Imperium. Though the grand, ambitious plan to recreate man had not figured into the long-dead Chapter's records, the general thrust of their dedication to perfection was plainly there, supplemented with archives of first-hand accounts of the Great Crusade and Heresy, along with voluminous speculations as to the causes of the schism, the nature of Chaos, and the threats the Emperor had forseen. Chief amongst the charges laid at Horus' feet was the assertion that secrecy, divisiveness, and the lust for individual power fueled the great war, further fueling the Chapter's fervent drive to distance themselves from the mistakes of others.

Thus it was that Talo, at the head of his burgeoning forces, found himself facing the turning point that would forever change the Exonerators' view of the Imperium. What had been a gradual change over a few centuries of warfare became a sudden, sharp break, catalyzed by the corsair raiding of warbands, brigands, and xenos that had slipped the naval blockades. The sorties would have been an unqualified success had they not run afoul of a battle already in progress, the Exonerators swooping in to engage the marauders with boarding torpedoes even as the Imperial Navy refused to stand down and continued to fire upon the enemy. Talo had demanded a cordon be placed around the system so that his Marines might fight in the confines of the renegade ships, a risk that the Admiral did not wish to take, with neither side backing down. Disaster struck shortly after Chapter forces had boarded the Hatred, a Grand Cruiser of archaic design, when an Imperial Destroyer that had ranged out of its battle line was blown into the engines of the larger ship and caused a catastrophic explosion within its reactors. Fully an entire Company of Astartes were incinerated in the blast, along with several of the picket which had been harassing the foe.

Cursing the foolishness of those he had sworn to protect, the Chapter Master ordered the retreat from the system rather than declaring open war upon his erstwhile allies. The Exonerators executed a textbook retreat in all but one regard. As a parting gift for the renegades, he ordered all ships to fire a salvo of torpedoes with breaching warheads, followed by cyclonic munitions. The spread of their fire would allow the Imperial ships to escape desolation if they withdrew as ordered. Their course set, all watched as the entire engagement - Loyalist and Traitor alike - burned. Surrounded by the guns of their ships, no stragglers fled from the conflagration and no messages escaped the blockade to tell of what had happened. Between their merciless retribution and the trackless gulf of space, only the Exonerators would know what had taken place.

So it was that they went forth, taking from the worlds upon which they fought the very best that they could find, to be fed into an increasingly sophisticated eugenic program. Expanding and hastening their work, the Scrutators would leave children - clonal, natural, and enhanced - every time they stopped to gather new blood, forged into great men through the same means that the Emperor created their long-dead liege, Ferrus. Still, this would not be enough, and the Chapter embarked upon an ambitious program of bionic modification within their own ranks, not merely for the sake of replacing what was lost, but to enhance themselves that they might imitate that greatest of men, the Emperor. In His image the Exonerators created and, for a time, it was good. Edited December 31, 2010 by Apothete

[Apothete]

The first critique came in by message and, well... I'm glad this is just a draft and not something I'm completely committed to.

 

I'll be revising over the weekend to include some of the suggestions and criticism that I've received so far, but welcome other thoughts from anyone with time to spare.

[Commissar Molotov]

The first critique came in by message and, well... I'm glad this is just a draft and not something I'm completely committed to.

 

You're welcome. :P

 

What I would say is that you're perhaps following my template a little too closely - you needn't use the "Librarians" and "Techmarines" subheadings in the organisation section. It's something I'm likely going to remove in my next revision of IA: Castigators. Either way, if it doesn't add anything to your Chapter, remove it. ^_^

[Marshal Rohr]

Your Battle Cry roughly translates as Imperial Light, Death Light, Eternal Light. Death light seems out of place maybe Lux Angelus given their Primogenitors.

[Apothete]

You're welcome. :tu:

 

What I would say is that you're perhaps following my template a little too closely - you needn't use the "Librarians" and "Techmarines" subheadings in the organisation section. It's something I'm likely going to remove in my next revision of IA: Castigators. Either way, if it doesn't add anything to your Chapter, remove it. :rolleyes:

 

Thanks for taking the time to read and advise, Commissar. I specifically wanted your input since I respect what you've done with the Castigators so much.

 

As far as borrowing from your template... It's probably not entirely clear in the fragmentary material I have above, but I chose to keep that part of your outline because Techmarines, Librarians, and Chaplains are going to occupy some unusual positions and have less than Codex-adherent attitudes turned towards them within the Exonerators. If nothing else, I'll probably be adding at least one or two more subheadings to highlight the differences.

 

Your Battle Cry roughly translates as Imperial Light, Death Light, Eternal Light. Death light seems out of place maybe Lux Angelus given their Primogenitors.

 

I know the rough translation is, well, rough... The intended connotation is more along the lines of "The Light of the Emperor. The Light of Death. The Light is Eternal." My as-yet unfinished and unposted Beliefs section explains that connection, but the gist of it is that the Exonerators believe that applied energy (flame, plasma, melta, explosions, etc.) are the way to bring an unwavering capital-T Truth to those who chose to reject His word. Innocents who burn will be gathered to the foot of the Throne and serve the Emperor as they should, enlightened and released from their suffering, while the guilty and willfully evil will perish agonizingly in the Light of His presence. Their battle doctrine and choice of weaponry reflects the belief that they are a worldly manifestation of the Lux Imperator/Lux Mortis, which is itself eternal. Therefore, the battle cry.

[Kihriban]

You seem to be doing the same thing I did: you are going to have wayyyyy too much information. It was a decently long read and you still have a fair bit more to go through.

 

I like it. I like their colour scheme, and I like their ethos. I'm a little surprised that they will never retreat. After all, they were nearly wiped out. I guess this manifests in one of two ways: the fatalist, we'll pull through no matter what so attack attack attack; and the realist, bad <DELETED BY THE INQUISITION> happens, we are not immune, sometimes we need to take precautions. In addition, for a chapter that prides itself on the ability to adopt different tactics, to never use the "strategic retreat" would be a little out of character.

 

I think that in some places you get too bogged down in the details.

 

I want to hear about the secret hatred of their own. I want to hear if there is some sort of malign intelligence on the planet or if they're only fighting natural selection. I want to hear less about the dry stuff. Like the detailed makeup and exactly how they proceed with their cry (unless you make it interesting like in molotov's sig). As I see it, this is less like a how-to doc for someone who wants to play exonerators and more of an introductory piece, designed to highlight what makes them special.

 

I think they're meant to be very fervent, almost to the point of rabid. I see it coming up in later stages, but not really anywhere in the beginning. Why is it there?

[Apothete]

You seem to be doing the same thing I did: you are going to have wayyyyy too much information. It was a decently long read and you still have a fair bit more to go through.

 

I tend to do this in anything that I actually enjoy writing. Way back when I actually went to school, my teachers could always gauge whether I liked a paper I was writing by the page count, since the assignments I hated were two or three words past the assigned count and the ones I got lost in took up the production for a papermill's entire yearly run.

 

Supposedly, one of my papers I wrote all the way back in Freshman English is still used as a combination example of thoroughness and completely ignoring that there was supposed to be an upper limit in place...

 

I like it. I like their colour scheme, and I like their ethos. I'm a little surprised that they will never retreat. After all, they were nearly wiped out. I guess this manifests in one of two ways: the fatalist, we'll pull through no matter what so attack attack attack; and the realist, bad <DELETED BY THE INQUISITION> happens, we are not immune, sometimes we need to take precautions. In addition, for a chapter that prides itself on the ability to adopt different tactics, to never use the "strategic retreat" would be a little out of character.

 

It's a doctrinal thing, tied into the beliefs of the Exonerator flavor of the Imperial warrior cult. The current Chapter views the events on the unnamed hulk as proof that the Emperor will see that enough of them survive to continue the fight, which goes along with the litanies laid down by their original Reclusiarch and Chapter Master. The Exonerators see themselves as extremely valuable ammunition, in a way. They are the bolter shells fired by the Emperor himself, sent to do the most damage possible to the enemy. Their place is not to question the will of the Throne but rather to wreak as much of His wrath and judgement upon His enemies as possible, even unto the point of expending themselves.

 

As a side note, the color scheme incorporates elements of both the Lux Imperator (a recurring theme in the Chapter) and an oath sworn by the first Chapter Master. Despite the grievous wounds suffered during the fight with Horus and the oft-repeated claims of the foes of the Imperium, the Exonerators believe to a man that the Emperor will rise from his throne and lead them again. Their right shoulderpad, vambraces, and arms are painted stark white until the day that He does return, whereupon they will return their armor to its original color. Until then, they wear the altered colors to honor His rest and symbolize the blazing, unwavering heat of the Lux Impertor and Lux Mortis.

 

I think that in some places you get too bogged down in the details.

 

The story of my life...

 

I want to hear about the secret hatred of their own.

 

That part may be heavily altered or go away, since I'm currently weighing changing their founding to another Chapter or Progenitor. It's an element that I don't want to lose, but nothing other than a few central concepts that I'm clinging to is currently set in stone.

 

I want to hear if there is some sort of malign intelligence on the planet or if they're only fighting natural selection.

 

As I revise, I'll be working more on their adoptive homeworld. Look for more of that soon.

 

I want to hear less about the dry stuff. Like the detailed makeup and exactly how they proceed with their cry (unless you make it interesting like in molotov's sig). As I see it, this is less like a how-to doc for someone who wants to play exonerators and more of an introductory piece, designed to highlight what makes them special.

 

I think they're meant to be very fervent, almost to the point of rabid. I see it coming up in later stages, but not really anywhere in the beginning. Why is it there?

 

In all honesty, I was trying to find a way to both describe the Chapter and provide the how-to elements at the same time, but I may have to settle for writing out all the fluff that I want and then pruning it back into more of a summary. The extra stuff can always go into supplementary posts later down the line or just sit there where I have access to it.

 

It's good to see that some element of their supremely confident hyper-zealotry came through, though I'm finding myself agreeing with you and Commisar that the entrance is weak. That's the part that I'm most focused on finding a good replacement for at the moment.

[Kihriban]

The Exonerators see themselves as extremely valuable ammunition, in a way. They are the bolter shells fired by the Emperor himself, sent to do the most damage possible to the enemy. Their place is not to question the will of the Throne but rather to wreak as much of His wrath and judgement upon His enemies as possible, even unto the point of expending themselves.

 

Gold, run with it. Make it the Chaplain's speech to new recruits before they're sent through there tests. Make it a quote from the first or current chapter master. Work it in.

 

As far as a mission statement goes, that is quite a good one. Take it, add two cups fatalism, a dash of hubris, a sprinkling of brooding betrayal and a litre of fanaticism, and you have yourself a chapter.

 

I want to hear about the secret hatred of their own.

 

That part may be heavily altered or go away, since I'm currently weighing changing their founding to another Chapter or Progenitor. It's an element that I don't want to lose, but nothing other than a few central concepts that I'm clinging to is currently set in stone.

Given their rabidness about the emperor, pretty easy to work it in - the angels have let their view of the fallen cloud their vision. They are no longer fighting for the emperor but for themselves - it explains how relations got frosty. Then the betrayal explains the hatred .... but how will that manifest itself going forward???? (i.e. thats the cool part)

 

As I revise, I'll be working more on their adoptive homeworld. Look for more of that soon.

 

Well, I vote for malign intelligence. Grimdark my man.

 

... writing out all the fluff that I want and then pruning it back into more of a summary. The extra stuff can always go into ... [a folder on my hard drive] ... where I have access to it.

 

Edited for correctness. Jokes aside, I think the key is to dangle it a little at a time. Here is an IA. Here is a famous battle. Here is the chapters most famous marine - even though he's only an apothecary. If you put it all in front of them at once, they're not going to read it (which was the problem I had with my IA :lol:)

It's good to see that some element of their supremely confident hyper-zealotry came through, though I'm finding myself agreeing with you and Commisar that the entrance is weak. That's the part that I'm most focused on finding a good replacement for at the moment.

 

I have faith it will come.

[Apothete]

Revision number one is up, along with some expansion into the sections I left blank.

 

This is still unfinished and needs more work, but I wanted to get some of what I rewrote back up and let it stand next to the parts I kept to see if they work better this time around. Some of the detail has been made more vague, other parts beefed up. Suggestions from Moltov and Kihriban are still being mulled as modifications or additions for later, but I'm too tired to do a line-by-line response right now.

 

Time for bed.

[Kihriban]

Overall, I like it. I think it’s quite good. I love the colour scheme, and I like their ferocious attitude. It’s also actually quite well written. Ok, in no particular order:

 

0. It’s still too long. That’s really one of the only big criticisms I have. It’s rather well written, it’s quite coherent, and it all drives towards a point. It’s clear you’ve put effort into it. The length just detracts in my opinion. You have fat that doesn’t add anything. I’ve made some suggestions below to where you can cut some of it out.

 

1. I like the changes you’ve made to the homeworld. I would provide an explanation of why the Kolradi are still pure in body though – maybe they never ate the surface animals and have subsisted from the beginning on water and fish found in the underground reservoirs far, far below the ground.

 

2. For the Chaplain’s vision, I would not mention “paint”, I imagine whatever they use to paint their armour is called something far more arcane something like … techno-pigment.

 

3. For the Chaplain’s vision, it’s a little confusing – the fact that you give a concrete example of the vision leads one to believe it has some sort of specific influence. If all you’re tring to get across is: emperor+light+exonerators = goodness+white right arm, then make it a little more vague. Also, were they that religious before the vision? If so, how has their purpose changed?

 

4. I think you should go into the “greatest defeat” a little more. Not sure how. I like the tack you’ve taken with the shrouded in mystery, but liked what you had before too.

 

5. “As the original Salamanders' core died away and was replaced by generations” – I was under the impression it was just a big of a training cadre, not really a core. Also, why do they never return back to their original chapter after training a bunch of guys? I mean, if you’re a veteran that’s spent 100+ years with your chapter then 3-5 years with a new one, where would your loyalty lie?

 

6. I find that your battlefield doctrine and organization is far too lengthy. Honestly, instead of saying “blah blah, 3 squads of this per company, plus 2 chaplains give or take a rhino”, just say they are fairly codex with a focus on assault marines and a notable absence of devastators. Much quicker, gets across the same idea.

 

7. Also, your idea of having every brother serve in the librarium was mentioned earlier in the chapter. Take out the sections for librarian, chaplain and techmarines and replace it with “unlike most chapters, there is no animosity between the reclusium, librarium and mechanicus. Instead every brother focuses on his own purpose, that of embodying the emperor’s will. It is this that allows them to have such a coherent force despite the heavy casualties they take. You can then mention the 7th armoured company and the fact that the scouts are spread through the 8th, 9th and 10th companies with a lot of tactical marines to speed the training progression and help keep the numbers up. That’s all you really need in organization.

 

8. Geneseed: you mention it has been lost in the mists of time then say “the Apothecarion has managed to preserve a clear line from the original founding to the current day”

 

9. “Central to the entire Exonerator warrior cult is the tri-fold belief in the unwavering Lux Imperator, a glow so bright…” I thought the lux imperator was only one fold of the tri-fold. Should be reworded.

 

10. “bodies were easy to find through the recruitment chapels spread over several border worlds, but the Chapter would struggle like a crazed animal to retrieve any and all salvageable armor and weaponry to maintain the sanctity of their implements.”

This sentence strikes me as a little weird. “bodies” and “crazed animal” specifically.

 

11. “It is this latter point that seems to be of particular pride to both the surviving Brothers and the newer recruits, as the Chapter has weathered oblivion once and come through the other side. Even in the darkest moment of their history, a furious assault that cost so many lives still ended the threat and allowed…” They haven’t weathered oblivion yet, that was only 30 years ago!!! Maybe “faced utter eradication and managed to perservere against overwhelming odds.” … or something.

 

12. Next time, double post to bump it up to the top of the thread! There’s no way anyone is going to find a thread down here on the third page!

[Apothete]

Thanks for both the kind words and the criticism. I've taken a couple days off from working on them so that I could let some ideas bounce around, but I'm going to take a stab at fixing up a few of the lingering issues. To address your list without eighteen quote sections, I'll just adopt the same numbered points you used and throw out some quick replies to them.

 

0. This is always a problem for me. I have trouble cutting things out and thinning my descriptive writing, but I'll certainly look at your suggestions and see if I can make them work in a way I can live with.

 

1, I guess I didn't make it clear enough, but the reference to the mutants and heretics eating meat from the surface was actually a roundabout way of saying what you're insinuating here. Their consumption of tainted flesh is a part of the degredation that blights any tribe but the Kolradi that are inducted into the Exonerators.

 

2. I'll try to think of something different to use there.

 

3. This section was actually meant as a riff on crusades like the one lead by Joan d'Arc, only less individual-driven and more of a doctrinal shift. A Chapter that had been fairly pious and firebrand beforehand tipped over the brink and became full-on zealots, trusting to the Emperor to save those who He believed should live while doing their best to eradicate any and all opposition to the Imperium.

 

4. I think I'm going to do a sidebar with a brief rundown, actually. The information isn't strictly necessary, but it's the kind of behind-the-scenes fluff that you see included in the Codices.

 

5. My understanding is that a Founding is frequently attended by its training cadre until those Marines die or are wounded too gravely to continue, though they do sometimes return to their original Chapter. Bonds of former service are great, but it's also a high honor to be given a Chapter of your own.

 

6. Sure, it's quicker, but it's so much less satisfying... I'm sure you know what I mean.

 

7. You know that every fiber of my being is rebelling against this advice, even though the rational part of me agrees that what you're saying is right, don't you?

 

8. Sorry, that's probably unclear wording again. My intent was to have the geneseed be pure since the inception of the Chapter, but still not have a record of their Progenitor or the Chapter they were originally drawn from.

 

9. Sure, that's a bit clumsy. I'll reword it.

 

10-11. Poor word choice on my part, and again it's something that can be fixed.

 

12. No kidding.

[Apothete]

Bumping for update and to ask a question.

 

I looked around some but can't seem to get something I've seen elsewhere on the board to work for me. Does anyone know how to do caption tags and sidebars so that I can break up the formatting and add a few secondary elements?

[Sigismund Himself]

BB Code Guide.

[Apothete]

BB Code Guide.

 

You are both a scholar and a gentleman.

[Apothete]

Revision four now in place.

[Sigismund Himself]

I've been meaning to get round to this for about 3 days, so apologies for the length of time taken to finally post.

 

and a handful of heavy warships...

What's meant by this? I didn't really know whether you'd actually got some battle barges or if you've stolen some Imperial Cruisers.

 

temperamental technological weaponry

What's meant by this term? Because the only temperamental weapon I can think of is plasma weaponry, I'm guessing you're saying that they do like plasma weapons a lot.

 

Before returning the fleet, the Brothers would retrieve any and all salvageable vehicles and weaponry to maintain the sanctity of their implements, going to great lengths to rescue the most venerable or complicated wargear.

All Astartes do this. And it should be 'returning to the fleet'.

 

While overseeing the ritual dedication before a mass drop of the entire Chapter, Reclusiarch Horatius Venn, the first Master of Sanctity, was granted a vision of green-armored marines with the Exonerators now-characteristic white arm plating presiding over a charred field strewn with charred enemy corpses. Great slave trains of Imperial citizens were stopped in the midst of being marched into the maw of a crater left by orbital bombardment, though some poor souls had been slain in the fire of the Chapter itself. The Brothers themselves bore ornate weaponry that spat a coruscating light, coalesced purity striking their enemies and incinerating them with the unyielding might of the Emperor. Ordering the Brothers of the Chapter armory into their midst, the Chaplains anointed all present with the markings dictated by Venn, each Brother swearing an oath to see the Emperor's will done as it had been revealed to them. Recruitment efforts would redouble, as would the casualty rates amongst the Battle Brothers.

This gets a bit confusing as to when the vision ended and the reality returned. And I'm not sure of its significance at all.

 

A dedicated core of the Exonerators Librarium, Ecclesiarchy

I think you mean Reclusiam instead of Ecclesiarchy. The Ecclesiarchy is the Cult of the Emperor that preaches across the Imperium. The Reclusiam is the chapter's chaplains home.

 

Love the Price of Vigilance sidebar, it really is quite cool. I'm just not sure that it works as a series of books. Something like a wall would work better to my mind. Maybe it's just me, though.

 

Circumstance and the wisdom of the current Hephaestian Council have dictated that the Exonerators follow a modified force organization that does not meet the strict standard of the Codex Astartes. As dictated by Guilliman, the Exonerators do maintain ten Companies to the best of their ability

The Salamanders themselves maintain seven companies, in a non-codex arrangement of squads. So I'm wondering why these guys haven't got the same organization as them.

 

Let we who are gathered beneath Your aegis fly true, Most High. May the armored hulls of our transports strike as if fired by Your hand, that we may deliver the death that You have ordered upon the unbeliever, the perfidous, the deceiver, and the willful, wicked heretic. Yeah, we are as shells in Thy blessed weapon, raining upon Thy foe in a stream of fire until he is rent asunder. Though we may be spent, Thy will be done. Let none of us forget that we do Your work, that the Light of the Emperor reaches even here through us.

the 'Yeah' seems a little out of place :lol:

 

While the origin of the Exonerator's geneseed is lost to the mists of time, the purity of their line is without doubt.

Do you really need to have unknown geneseed? It doesn't add anything to your chapter and you might as well say that they are descended from the Salamanders.

 

Overall, very nice. The one other thing I would recommend is the Spider Robinson treatment (as prescribed by Octavulg) to cut some of the length down.

 

He is, as some of you may know, a Hugo and Nebula award winning author.

 

So Spider sends this story to his editor. And his editor calls him and says "It's great. Now cut 1000 words."

 

Spider explains how he can't do this. The editor tells him to pretend that someone's paying him a dollar for each word he cuts.

 

Spider succeeds in cutting 500 words, but can't do any more. He calls his editor back and tells him so.

 

The editor suggests that he pretend that someone will break a bone (one of Spider's, that is) for each word he's over.

 

Spider cuts another 500, crying inside. Then he rereads it, and discovers that it's a much better story.

 

The moral is obvious, I think. Length is fine, but it has to be important length.

[Apothete]

I've been meaning to get round to this for about 3 days, so apologies for the length of time taken to finally post.

 

Apologize all you like, Sigismund, but I'm not going to be shouting you down for being a couple days late in volunteering your time. I'm just glad to have another voice chipping in on my first attempt at creating a Chapter.

 

What's meant by this? I didn't really know whether you'd actually got some battle barges or if you've stolen some Imperial Cruisers.

 

There's an element of their fleet organization that I've had in my head for a while now, but which I hadn't explicitly put into the text aside from a handful of mentions and suggestions. Basically, since they were shipborne and had no home planet, the Exonerators had an unusually large number of warships for an Astartes deployment. Prior to the battle at Gilfer VIII, the core of the fleet included several ancient, older mark Imperial Battleships that were recomissioned as a kind of fragmentary mobile planet, then further adapted by the Chapter and its Techmarines to become their Forgeships, from whenst the ammunition and some of the wargear would come. There were several battle barges and enough strike cruisers to round out drop capability for the entire force, followed by picket ships to guard the the larger vessels and the tender ships that help keep the fleet active.

 

I'd toyed with the idea of having something approximating a Mechanicus repair platform like the one in the Soul Drinkers novels as the single Forgeship, but decided that would be stepping on too many Imperial toes to be feasible. The older Imperial marks seemed justifiable to me in that they existed solely as fleet defense or in hulls that aren't current, thus not challenging the Navy outright.

 

What's meant by this term? Because the only temperamental weapon I can think of is plasma weaponry, I'm guessing you're saying that they do like plasma weapons a lot.

 

You nailed it.

 

The Exonerators see all sources of light and heat within the material universe as a pale reflection of the true Light of the Emperor, and so they employ energy-based weapons as much as possible in their crusade against Chaos. Of the choices available to a Space Marine force, plasma is seen as the purest of the three.

 

All Astartes do this. And it should be 'returning to the fleet'.

 

You're right. I missed the "to" in that sentence.

 

This gets a bit confusing as to when the vision ended and the reality returned. And I'm not sure of its significance at all.

 

You're the first to criticize this as being unclear in purpose, but I'll try to be more explicit and see if you still think it doesn't serve a purpose.

 

The Chapter had been pious in the extreme and bordering on zealotry even before the revelatory incident, but they became outright manic crusaders afterwards. I wouldn't quite go so far as to say that they're equivalent of the Marines Malevolent or the Inquisition in their belief that innocent lives don't matter, but there aren't many Exonerators who would cry over accidental deaths as long as their opponents are defeated. It's a part of their dogma that the innocent will go to their just reward, that the Emperor would intercede to save those He felt needed to be protected, and that He guides their hands as they fire.

 

As such, if one of their weapons just happens to kill thirty Imperial citizens while also taking down fifty World Eaters, then the unrighteous have been punished and the innocents are now with the Emperor and likely better off than in their mortal existence. The vision is their justification for swinging more towards a hardline monodominant position, though not quite reaching that severe an interpretation of the value of human life.

 

I think you mean Reclusiam instead of Ecclesiarchy. The Ecclesiarchy is the Cult of the Emperor that preaches across the Imperium. The Reclusiam is the chapter's chaplains home.

 

You're correct and I managed to flub that and missed correcting it this last time around in my focus on trimming fat.

 

Love the Price of Vigilance sidebar, it really is quite cool. I'm just not sure that it works as a series of books. Something like a wall would work better to my mind. Maybe it's just me, though.

 

It's actually a single book, replicated in a process that is a combination of holy worship for the smith who crafts it (the cover and pages are metal) and a test of skill within the Librarium. There's also an element of conversion in the modeling sense, since it gives me a reason to liberally spread books and scroll cases through the army, which I like visually.

 

I like the wall idea, though.

 

The Salamanders themselves maintain seven companies, in a non-codex arrangement of squads. So I'm wondering why these guys haven't got the same organization as them.

 

It wouldn't be that hard to make them organize on a seven company line, though I had been planning on only ever really having them field an active six or seven to start with. Their casualties and methodology leave them with little choice in the matter, and switching to a more Salamander flavored organization would see them with even fewer active units.

 

the 'Yeah' seems a little out of place <_<

 

Sure, but "Yay" is the sound I was going for and it looks even sillier in text.

 

Do you really need to have unknown geneseed? It doesn't add anything to your chapter and you might as well say that they are descended from the Salamanders.

 

Not particularly, but I hadn't really decided on who to go with after I cut the Dark Angels references in the second draft.

 

Overall, very nice. The one other thing I would recommend is the Spider Robinson treatment (as prescribed by Octavulg) to cut some of the length down.

 

But... But I cut nearly five hundred already!

 

In all seriousness, I've been looking at ways to trim this without losing the things that I like and the last round of editing saw it lose very nearly five hundred words, thought it gained the sidebars. I added those to break formatting and include a few tidbits that I couldn't find a good way to incorporate into the article's main body. Kihriban suggested that I take a few weeks off and let it sit, then come back and see if I can let go of a few more things that seem important now.

 

I'm planning on taking his advice, and I'll gladly take yours as well.

 

At this point, there are only two things I see it as lacking. The first is a chapter symbol, which I have basically worked out in my head but currently lack the tools to execute visually, and the other is slightly more detailed dip into the heretic cults that dwell under the crust of Kolrad. I want them to be more than just faceless boogiemen, since they're persistent enough that they haven't been wiped out yet.

 

Thanks for the advice!

[Apothete]

Revision number six is up, with some sweeping changes and some sections still unfinished.

 

Changes:

• Added the Lightbearers subheading and removed the others from Organization.
  
• Altered some proper names and clarified some issues that were raised.
  
• Attempted to weed out redundant mentions of doctrine or organization that cropped up beneath more than one heading.
  
• Altered the timeline so that the Salamanders returned to their home Chapter instead of dying in service with the Exonerators.
  
• Added some long-planned allusion to Dreadnought officers, but need further commentary on that front.
  

 

Things left to do:

• Explicitly decide on geneseed and write that section over again.
  
• Explain the non-Dreadnought sarcophogi mentioned under the Lightbearers without further swelling the wordcount.
  
• Explain the role of the Dreadnought officers who remain in their positions and how the chapter is dealing with the situation.
  
• Find places to cut word count. This revision grew rather than shrank, unlike the past ones.
  

[Apothete]

Three and a half months later...

 

Revision seven is in place with some major changes made, mostly thanks to my putting the project down and letting myself think about it without being as tied up in the original ideas.

 

Changes:

• New colors!
  
• The biggest shift is that I think I've found a geneseed line and founding Chapter that actually fits where I wanted to go in the first place.
  
• Removed the Chaplain's vision section for lack of clarity. It wasn't salvagable without adding too many words to it and wasn't necessary for explaining the colors.
  
• Slashed and burned redundant mentions of doctrine wherever possible, tried to move elements to only their appropriate heading.
  
• Once again changed the timeline, this time to have the Iron Hands cadre dying in service alongside the new Chapter.
  
• Explained the motivation and method for having Dreadnought officers, tying it somewhat into the fluff legacy of their new parent Chapter.
  
• Geneseed is now explicit and detailed properly, along with a note about an unusual practice involving it.
  
• Changed the fleet to center on a fortress-monastery ship rather than a battle barge. While huge, it wouldn't be big enough.
  
• Added references to Mars and the Omnissiah to bring the doctrine in line with the Iron Hands.
  
• Modified the organization heading slightly, though they were already indepentently operating and council-oriented.
  

 

Things left to do:

• Find a new battle cry.
  
• Illustrate the Chapter symbol.
  
• Find places I can trim. Again.
  

Edited May 20, 2009 by Apothete

[Octavulg]

The Exonerators

 

The Chapter-Who-Proves-People-Innocent.

 

Not...the sort of name I would expect. So judicial. No overtones of fear, explosions or smacking people.

 

The pages of the holy text teach two lessons. First and foremost is that eradication of over half of the Chapter's Brothers is an acceptable sacrifice if it stops untold harm from reaching the rest of the galaxy, for the novice reading of their deeds has been called to take their place. Only slightly less important is the means by which the Exonerators turned their foe's arrogance against them, releasing the holy purity of a nuclear fire within the linked reactors aboard the gargantuan ship to scythe the hulk from existence. Even those who deny Him serve his will in the end.

 

Not nuclear fire. Ravening warp energy. Points for using electrum.

 

Also, this would go better after the conflict is described to us.

 

Over time and with the blessing of the venerable war-spirits within their hulls, the largest of the vessels were modified and enhanced by the Exonerator Techmarines, using extended reactors and specialist equipment to create great forges and workshops within their hulls. The changes were a marriage of practical need and doctrinal belief, giving the fledgling Chapter a series of mobile manufactorum

 

Likely would have been supplied with such things to start with, if they were intended to be fleet-based.

 

The conflict at Gilfer VIII is a thing of legend within the Exonerator ranks, though few aside from the Dark Angels and a few souls in Cadian Sector Command know the true reason for the near annihilation of an entire Astartes Chapter in a single engagement. Fragmentary accounts within Imperial records reference the sighting of a massive hulk appearing from the immaterium over what had been believed to be an uninhabited world, in the midst of the Exonerators' fleet. Immediately seizing the opportunity to strike, every ship launched boarding pods and participated in the assault. The events afterwards are not recorded in any Imperial database, but the enormous amount of wreckage floating within the boundaries of the asteroid field and the number of Exonerator ships reported destroyed or missing suggest that an apocalyptic battle drove the remaining Brothers to orbit the planet Kolrad and remain there to recuperate.

 

Dude...

 

You mention in the original sidebar what happened in more detail than you do here. So either explain in further detail or remove that detail from the sidebar. Not too much - blow by blow is never necessary. However, at least a rough guideline to what happened and why would seem important.

 

Gilfer VIII.

 

Stars are usually un-numbered, and if they are numbered, it's usually a lot higher than eight.

 

Seeing an opportunity to bring wayward men and women back to the true faith, the Exonerators moved a company and several Chaplains and Librarians to the caverns

 

While this is hella neat, and all, I must point out that the true faith to a Space Marine isn't necessarily worshipping the Emperor.

 

As a consequence of their constantly depleted numbers and the philosophy of the warrior cult, the Exonerators do not organize or operate as a Codex-adherent Chapter. Every Company is a self-contained unit that maintains its own wargear, vehicles, and ships with only the most severe of losses requiring aid from the core fleet at orbit around Kolrad. The exact composition of a given force is at the discretion of the Forgelord who leads it, but the majority of the currently active companies maintain several squads of line trooper Battle Brothers and two assault squads, with no dedicated Devastator units. Instead, heavy support is provided by the honored fallen residing within armored walkers or dedicated vehicles. Unusually, the only Dreadnoughts equipped in full fire-support configurations are those who formerly served as the heavy weapons specialist within their squads, with any others maintaining a symbolic nod to the Chapter's symbol through retention of the massive Dreadnought Close Combat Weapon.

 

You haven't shown us their symbol.

 

Also, I'd like to take this moment to point out that their color scheme would, IMO, be much nicer with more white and less purple. And without the black muzzle. Space Marines in Chains! is the vibe I get from black muzzles.

 

Drawn from those who have shown potential as a psyker and a zeal surpassing that of their Brothers, the Lightbearers give up any pretense at determining their own fate and undergo a process of indoctrination that bends their minds towards very canalized manifestation of power. They are archangels in His holy choir, standing between the greatest moral threats and their own Battle Brothers much as the latter protect the rest of humanity. Every suit of armor is forged of reliquary fragments of ceramite and adamantite harvested after the battle for Gilfer VIII and inlaid with delicate psychoactive circuitry, every weapon and piece of wargear consecrated and etched with devotionals and catechisms of rebuke. Their minds are filled with litanies of the great heroes of the Astartes and their faith seems to manifest as an almost palpable air of protection on the field of battle.

 

The existence of this force is not common knowledge outside of the Chapter, and they are subjects of awe and superstition within the ranks of the more recent recruits. Though it has yet to become a matter of conflict with the Inquisition or Ministorum, the Conclave is aware that those who do not share their vision might see this pseudo-Inquisitional deployment as questionable. However, as they have always believed, the Emperor is guiding their hands in the matter and they do not fear reprisal.

 

I see this pseudo-Inquisitorial deployment as questionable. It's an attempt to make the chapter special through shiny toys, rather than through character and differences of spirit. For shame.

 

Also, don't copy the GK.

 

Though clearly and obviously descended from the Tenth Legion and sharing their deep dedication to the preservation and expansion of technical knowledge, there are doctrinal differences in the warrior cult of the Exonerators that would likely strain their relationship should they come to light. Every Battle Brother is expected to serve rotational terms of lay service within the forges and Artificer workshops, the Librarium, the Reclusiam, and the Apothecarion, and to maintain his own wargear. A larger than normal tithe of Tech Adepts and Techmarines make the journey to Mars to undergo the initiation into the mysteries of the Adeptus Mechanicus, but they are fielded along with their brethren rather than closeted away, so that nearly every squad can boast the rust-red heraldry on at least one member.

 

Should explain just why that would strain said relationship. Also, why the practice exists. (While I can guess, that's not my place).

 

* * *

 

Few spots where the writing is slightly odd. However, as always - fix the content, then the writing (not that the content is bad).

 

Damn good, all in all.

[Apothete]

The Chapter-Who-Proves-People-Innocent.

 

Not...the sort of name I would expect. So judicial. No overtones of fear, explosions or smacking people.

 

Merely being an Astartes is going to imply that you're in the business of fear, explosions, and beating the ever-locing crap out of your opponents. I was going more for a name that would be different from all the Angel-This and Royal-Title-That, which lead me to the concept of a Chapter that was intolerant and uncaring towards collateral losses because they believed every single sentient being in the universe was responsible for maintaining its own salvation at all times. If you died impure, then they liberated you to face your just punishment for you laxity. Contrarily, if you were saved and you died during one of their actions, you would go to your reward at the Golden Throne.

 

I think there was more to that effect in earlier drafts but it didn't make the cut during previous criticism.

 

Not nuclear fire. Ravening warp energy. Points for using electrum.

 

Also, this would go better after the conflict is described to us.

 

As they were originally conceived, the Exonerators were a borderline-heretical successor of the Dark Angels who were burnt terribly by the hunt for the Fallen and thus had come to hate their primogenitor Chapter. They were inspired by the attitude of the Soul Drinkers (but not their tempt-then-return story) and the secrecy and convoluted lies of the Dark Angels, but I toned that aspect back as too derivative and was advised to cut the battle scene down by two different reviewers. You'll also notice that I've moved the battle in their timeline, making it a much more recent event that the Chapter is still reeling from, though they're making admirable progress in rebuilding their numbers and getting back to full operational capacity.

 

Oh, and nuclear fire was referenced because the plasma of overloaded reactors was used to cleanse the hulk in a tactically unorthodox application of their religious dogma...

 

Excerpted below is the section I cut in an earlier revision that described the conflict with the space hulk:

 

Time would prove to be a greater foe to the fledgling Chapter than any Chaos incursion, thanks to the guidance of then-Master Hedwig Roth. While respectful of the fervency with which the Dark Angels and their other successors pursued the Fallen and in agreement that answering the ancient treachery of former bretheren was important, he viewed the mission of the Exonerators and their debt of honor to the Throne of Terra to outweigh the great search of their comrades. This borderline heresy has lead to a relationship that is chilly and distant at the best of times, sometimes erupting into more outlandish or overt acts of hostility and denial between the more traditional Unforgiven and their wayward proteges.

 

It also would lead to the near destruction of the Exonerators some three hundred years ago.

 

While conducting fleet maneuvers within the tight confines of the deep and completely encircling asteroid field in the Gilfer VIII system, one of the Chapter's scout craft detected an incredible shift in the immaterium. Belching into reality from the warp, a tangled but fully functional hulk burst onto the scene and scattered ships which reacted in time to get out of its way, ramming those too slow to scatter and reform the line. The twisted abomination was infested with all manner of heretics, mutants, daemons, and several companies of Traitor Marines of unknown origin, all of whom put up a spectacularly ferocious defense against the combined might of the Exonerators' battlefleet. Multiple attempts were made to reach a nearby Dark Angels detachment through astropathy, along with the Ordo Malleus and the Imperial Guard Sector Command. Only the Dark Angels were close enough to respond in time, yet they appeared to make no move towards reinforcing the beleagured chapter.

 

In the end, the hulk was destroyed at an astronomical cost in lives, more than half the Chapter obliterated along with the taint of Chaos when the rallied remnants of Assault squads managed to detonate several of the hulks' component reactors and warp drives in a desperate ploy to free the rest of the fleet. The resulting blast incinerated nearby stricken strike cruisers and all the attached boarding craft, along with a majority of the support ships within the fleet. Additional casualties mounted during the counter-boarding fighting and post-battle sabotage wrought by fleeing Chaos forces, leaving only a handful of light craft and the heavily damaged Battle Barge

Unyielding

able to attempt evactuation of any survivors. What was later discovered to be a lone heretical infiltrator brought all their plans to nought, employing a similar tactic on the Exonerators through crippling the

Unyielding

with a well-placed charge on its overstressed primary reactors.

 

Underpowered, limping at partial strength, and coming apart at the seams, the great ship drifted for months until it was near enough to the planet Kolrad to be grabbed by the tenacious fist of gravity and pulled down to crater the surface. There, over two hundred years later, the nearly destroyed Chapter was found amidst the desolate landscape of a deathworld, clinging to survival through tenacity and a limited repopulation through inducting the sparse population of indiginous peoples only enough to maintain the purity of their gene-seed. The intervening time was spent in tending the wounded in whatever stasis gear could be salvaged, rebuilding or repairing as much of the wargear as the Chapter techmarines could pull from the wreckage, and recording the collective knowledge of several millenia into cobbled-together memory banks below the surface of their new world.

 

Depleted and under reconstruction, nursing a secret hatred of their own, the Exonerators are being reborn from the ashes of their pyrrhic victory. Equipment and supplies from the Adeptus Mechanicus, Officio Medicae, and Administratum, along with a few replacement ships hastily brought to reconstitue the fleet, allow recruitment to resume at a more usual pace. A handful of veteran officers, Librarians, and Chaplains have been rescued from stasis onboard the

Unyielding

, their uncorrupted rest within stasis pods considered something of a minor miracle within the ranks of the Exonerators.

 

These maimed warriors are somewhat out of touch with their bretheren but seen as venerable tacticians, advisors, and leaders that form a sort of Inner Circle alongside the command structure that survived planetside. The remaining suits of Dreadnought armor have all been filled with the bodies and minds of stricken champions, ensuring that the legacy of the pre-cataclysm Exonerators will continue into the new generation. Knowing that they face the inevitable slide away from their true humanity, the Council Dreadnoughts are grooming replacements and watching for suitable officers to be promoted to take their places.

 

Likely would have been supplied with such things to start with, if they were intended to be fleet-based.

 

I might have been unclear, since their fortress-monastery would be the primary factory as well, but the secondary manufactorum ships are intended to decentralize their operations and provide for redundant backups and extra capacity. It's like finding more than one place to keep your geneseed banks, so that a single cyclonic torpedo can't scour away your entire Chapter's genetic reserves.

 

Dude...

 

You mention in the original sidebar what happened in more detail than you do here. So either explain in further detail or remove that detail from the sidebar. Not too much - blow by blow is never necessary. However, at least a rough guideline to what happened and why would seem important.

 

See above for an account of the battle that I wrote for the first draft, before I abandoned the original idea for their origins. The details still largely apply, though I'm not sure how to cut it down to still be usable without swamping the word count even more than I already have.

 

Stars are usually un-numbered, and if they are numbered, it's usually a lot higher than eight.

 

I might have to reconsider the star name, but it was what I came up with at the time. Any suggestions?

 

While this is hella neat, and all, I must point out that the true faith to a Space Marine isn't necessarily worshipping the Emperor.

 

It may not be to every Astartes, but it is to the Exonerators. Anyone not actively involved in the wars of the Imperium should be looking to their salvation through acts of devotion and piety, self-denial, and supporting those who are standing on the line. Their attitude about civilians is a consequence of their beliefs about maintaining a state of grace at all times.

 

You haven't shown us their symbol.

 

Also, I'd like to take this moment to point out that their color scheme would, IMO, be much nicer with more white and less purple. And without the black muzzle. Space Marines in Chains! is the vibe I get from black muzzles.

 

The symbol has changed three times so far, to go with the three largest rewrites. As it stands right now, I'm planning to use something similar to the clenched fist of the Imperial/Crimson Fists but more angular like the Iron Hands' gauntlet, backed on a white starburst, with the pauldron itself crossed with actual chain. The latin in the title heading does have to do with their entire attitude and the way I'm planning on modeling the Brothers themselves, with a progression from actual chains to more spiritual symbolic converions rather than the blatant ones in aspirants and new Marines.

 

Clenched fist, backed with "light" and crossed with binding chains... The symbols are pretty clear, I think, but I have yet to illustrate it. Also, the reason that their colors only have that dash of white along a single arm is partially explained in another expunged section, and hinted at in the doctrinal heading. An Exonerator is a manifestation of the right hand of the Emperor, and so they wear their wargear with pure white all along that limb. Everything else is their original Chapter colors.

 

They are "Space Marines in Chains," but it serves a purpose.

 

As a side note, I'm open to suggestions if you want to show me a scheme that you think is more appealing. I have only a few touches of white for the reason I explained above, but that doesn't mean I can't adapt. After all, they started out Dark Angels, became Salamanders, and have found a home as Iron Hands after nearly six months...

 

I see this pseudo-Inquisitorial deployment as questionable. It's an attempt to make the chapter special through shiny toys, rather than through character and differences of spirit. For shame.

 

Also, don't copy the GK.

 

Heh... Yeah, this is one of the things I did that I'm least sold on, but I wanted an excuse to field Grey Knight "allies" when I felt like it but to have them in the colors of my Chapter. I always intended for the Exonerators to be more psychically active than average because I love Librarians and wanted them in my armies, but I'm not married to keeping this section intact. It'd be pretty easy to rewrite them to keep it as just a sub-section of the First Company that's particularly zealous and thus trusted to ministerial and counseling role in support of the Chaplains.

 

Should explain just why that would strain said relationship. Also, why the practice exists. (While I can guess, that's not my place).

 

The Exonerators are not as enamored with bionics as the Iron Hands, though they are far more so than the regular Astartes of other Chapters. They revere the Emperor as a scientist and inventor as much as they do his role as a warrior-king, which stands them in good stead with the Iron Hands, but their acceptance and high level of training for Librarians is probably just too much for their to be a completely smooth relationship between them. My Chapter sees the manipulation of the Warp as another dangerous science, but science nonetheless. Proper safety and containment of the energies being manipulated is important whether you face the physically corrupting mutations of exposure to nuclear radiation or the soul-eroding touch of the empyiran.

 

I considered being more explicit about that point in the article itself, but I've been told throughout the process of writing the Chapter that it's better to keep some things mysterious and that I have a tendency to write too much.

 

Do you think it bears including?

 

Few spots where the writing is slightly odd. However, as always - fix the content, then the writing (not that the content is bad).

 

Damn good, all in all.

 

I'd be willing to bet that some of the strangeness comes from my leaving certain paragraphs almost untouched, slashing others completely, and adding new material without a complete rewrite. There are places where whole swaths of information has been removed in one of the past seven edits and that's likely giving me some issues.

 

Thanks, though. It's nice to hear some kind words about these guys, especially after working on them for this long.

Edited May 21, 2009 by Apothete

[Grand Master Tyrak]

In the intervening centuries, the Chapter has fought in a staggering number of small engagements in both fragmentary and full deployments, including participating in every Black Crusade to pass through their arm of the Cadian Sector.

 

Slight note - whilst every large Chaos incursion out of the Eye is technically a Black Crusade, the phrase is normally used to refer to those headed by Abaddon. I'd recommend either clarifying that these are not headed by Abaddon, or simply changing it to "Chaos attack".

 

Though it has yet to become a matter of conflict with the Inquisition or Ministorum, the Conclave is aware that those who do not share their vision might see this pseudo-Inquisitional deployment as questionable.

 

Why? Space Marines are empowered to inflict battlefield justice as they see fit, and the Astartes as a whole try to ensure their autonomy is not threatened by dealing with their internal problems swiftly and quietly. I'd imagine the Inquisition in particular would welcome such an arrangement, and it doesn't seem extreme enough that the Ecclesiarchy would break its convention with the Astartes to declare you Excommunicate.

 

Liking Kolrad a lot. :o

Edited May 21, 2009 by Grand Master Tyrak

[Apothete]

Slight note - whilst every large Chaos incursion out of the Eye is technically a Black Crusade, the phrase is normally used to refer to those headed by Abaddon. I'd recommend either clarifying that these are not headed by Abaddon, or simply changing it to "Chaos attack".

 

Interestingly enough, my intention was to imply that they fight in just about any scrap they can find that happens near the Eye, but they pay extra attention to the predations of the Black Legion and their unholy crusades. The Exonerators will attack just about anyone or anything that they see as being contrary to the desires of the God Emperor, but they have a special place in both of their hearts for the traitor Legions that make the most spectacular sorties into Imperial space.

 

I'll put that section on the list of things to potentially rewrite once I've left this for a few days for anyone interested to give me more feedback, most especially for Octavulg to get a chance to reply to my responses. There's several outright errors and typos I've spotted from scanning over the text since putting the latest revision up.

 

Why? Space Marines are empowered to inflict battlefield justice as they see fit, and the Astartes as a whole try to ensure their autonomy is not threatened by dealing with their internal problems swiftly and quietly. I'd imagine the Inquisition in particular would welcome such an arrangement, and it doesn't seem extreme enough that the Ecclesiarchy would break its convention with the Astartes to declare you Excommunicate.

 

As noted above, the Lightbearers are a Grey Knights Lite detachment that I'm weighing the prudence of keeping within the Chapter as I originally wrote them. I would use the Grey Knights rules to represent them, but they're an anointed and psychically active cadre of elite veterans who are trained more to resist than they are to employ aggressive powers of their own. The peacetime (such as it is) role of the Lightbearers is to maintain the chapels, see to the spiritual and mental needs of the Dreadnoughts, and act as highly trained assistants to the Reclusiarch without donning the skull-and-black uniforms of the Chaplains. They're toeing the line between Librarian and Reclusiam, between sanctioned psykers and the clergy of the Imperium, though it wouldn't be a matter of public acknowledgment.

 

Even if I cut the first part, I plan on keeping the second and just downgrading their in-game rules to be Sternguard, Vanguard, and/or Terminators.

 

Liking Kolrad a lot. :yes:

 

There's more to the planet than I actually left in the description. This entire article has been a see-saw of me coming up with more material and ideas, clarifying some points and removing others, and trying to find a balance of putting shape to the copious outpouring that my mind is capable of. Not everything I dream up is going to be interesting or cohesive enough to interest someone else, so I try to weed it out and only put in the material that I feel is the best of the best.

 

What had originally been a crash-landed fortress monastery or battle barge is now in orbit around the planet. I actually like that better because it provides some of the "glorious descent from on high" angle that other Chapters use to mystify the plebes, mixed with the "oh crap, only the insane go out there" fear that would be natural to the less debased peoples of the planet. I've been toying with the idea that some of the surviving Chaos forces from the battle that got the Chapter to stop there in the first place are hiding in the caverns, or that they were coming to meet up with something that lives in the deepest recesses of the subterranean environment. After all, there's got to be a reason that there's so much mutation on the surface and in the deepest darkness, even if I've left that open-ended in the current version.

 

----

 

This is as good a place as any to bring up another idea I've been weighing, and it might be something that would be better saved and used in another Chapter entirely.

 

As is probably apparent to anyone that's gotten involved in a discussion thread with me elsewhere on the site, I'm a big fan of the idea that the Imperium and even the Astartes are not as pure as they believe themselves to be. For all that the telling of the tale is flawed and contains elements that would most likely be difficult, if not impossible, to pull off, I'm a sucker for the view of the Imperium advanced by Ben Counter's Soul Drinker novels. Couple that with my adoration for Chapter Master Astelan's view of the history of mankind and you get some interesting philosophical issues, especially if it's wreathed in layers of secrecy. Given their drive to excel and their willingness to accept machinery or psyker gifts with equal aplomb, the Exonerators would make an interesting atheist chapter if they did what they do out of a true desire to enshrine a version of the Emperor's dreams that few others agree with. Explicitly, they would see the best route to humanity's salvation as the embracing of whatever means are necessary to achieve the purity and dominance of their race, while not denying that evils like the Ruinous Powers and other evil entities exist. Technology should not be worshipped but explored, enhanced, and added to, and thus their devotion to sending Brothers to train at Mars would be a duplicitous bid to enhance their aptitude while paying lip service to the dogma of Mars, much as they would outwardly worship the "divinity" of an Emperor who would be seen internally as the greatest man to ever live, but still just a man who has lived a very long time.

 

Taking them down that route would make them Renegades at heart, if not in fact. I'm not sure that's a step I want to make, even if I do like the concept.

[Octavulg]

Merely being an Astartes is going to imply that you're in the business of fear, explosions, and beating the ever-locing crap out of your opponents. I was going more for a name that would be different from all the Angel-This and Royal-Title-That, which lead me to the concept of a Chapter that was intolerant and uncaring towards collateral losses because they believed every single sentient being in the universe was responsible for maintaining its own salvation at all times. If you died impure, then they liberated you to face your just punishment for you laxity. Contrarily, if you were saved and you died during one of their actions, you would go to your reward at the Golden Throne.

 

OK, you need to include such concepts in the IA.

 

I's a gonna make some general comments now:

 

Firstly, you need to make sure that the information important to who and what your chapter are is in the IA. Right now, that doesn't seem to be the case (which I encounter occasionally myself).

 

Secondly, you need to either be more concise or use more line breaks. In posts, what are otherwise moderate paragraphs become walls of text.

 

See above for an account of the battle that I wrote for the first draft, before I abandoned the original idea for their origins. The details still largely apply, though I'm not sure how to cut it down to still be usable without swamping the word count even more than I already have.

 

Well, it seems you've discovered a weakness in your writing. :D Work on it. :)

 

I might have to reconsider the star name, but it was what I came up with at the time. Any suggestions?

 

Remove the number?

 

Convention is [system Name]. Planets are [system Name] [Proximity to Star]. Earth is Sol III.

 

As a side note, I'm open to suggestions if you want to show me a scheme that you think is more appealing. I have only a few touches of white for the reason I explained above, but that doesn't mean I can't adapt. After all, they started out Dark Angels, became Salamanders, and have found a home as Iron Hands after nearly six months...

 

Well, that depends.

 

Purple and White

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/smsbeta.php?bpe=5200B0&bpj=5200B0&bp=5200B0&bpc=5200B0&hdt=5200B0&hdm=5200B0&hdl=5200B0&ey=FF0000&er=000000&pi=000000&nk=5200B0&ch=5200B0&eg=BAB83D&sk=BAB83D&abs=5200B0&bt=5200B0&cod=5200B0&ull=FFFFFF&lk=5200B0&lll=FFFFFF&lft=FFFFFF&url=FFFFFF&rk=5200B0&lrl=FFFFFF&rft=FFFFFF&slt=FFFFFF&sli=FFFFFF&srt=FFFFFF&sri=FFFFFF&ula=FFFFFF&lel=5200B0&lla=FFFFFF&lw=5200B0&lh=FFFFFF&ura=FFFFFF&rel=5200B0&rla=FFFFFF&rw=5200B0&rh=FFFFFF&bg=FFFFFF&rb=000000&gr=000000&wg=true&blt=000000

 

Purple and Black

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/smsbeta.php?bpe=5200B0&bpj=5200B0&bp=5200B0&bpc=5200B0&hdt=5200B0&hdm=5200B0&hdl=5200B0&ey=FF0000&er=000000&pi=000000&nk=5200B0&ch=5200B0&eg=BAB83D&sk=BAB83D&abs=5200B0&bt=5200B0&cod=5200B0&ull=000000&lk=5200B0&lll=000000&lft=000000&url=000000&rk=5200B0&lrl=000000&rft=000000&slt=000000&sli=000000&srt=000000&sri=000000&ula=000000&lel=5200B0&lla=000000&lw=5200B0&lh=000000&ura=000000&rel=5200B0&rla=000000&rw=5200B0&rh=000000&bg=000000&rb=000000&gr=000000&wg=true&blt=000000

 

Black and White

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/smsbeta.php?bpe=000000&bpj=000000&bp=000000&bpc=000000&hdt=000000&hdm=000000&hdl=000000&ey=FF0000&er=000000&pi=000000&nk=000000&ch=000000&eg=BAB83D&sk=BAB83D&abs=000000&bt=000000&cod=000000&ull=FFFFFF&lk=000000&lll=FFFFFF&lft=FFFFFF&url=FFFFFF&rk=000000&lrl=FFFFFF&rft=FFFFFF&slt=FFFFFF&sli=FFFFFF&srt=FFFFFF&sri=FFFFFF&ula=FFFFFF&lel=000000&lla=FFFFFF&lw=000000&lh=FFFFFF&ura=FFFFFF&rel=000000&rla=FFFFFF&rw=000000&rh=FFFFFF&bg=FFFFFF&rb=000000&gr=000000&wg=true&blt=000000

 

Using more than two colors for a scheme tends to get ugly. And heralds frowned on it, so you know it's not kosher. All the above are more or less based on the Mentors, though the official Mentors don't seem to color elbows or knees or anything like that, whereas I sometimes do on my Mentors.

 

The one option I could think of for that might be a neat semi-quartered scheme with a purple core:

Black and White and Purple

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/smsbeta.php?bpe=5200B0&bpj=5200B0&bp=5200B0&bpc=5200B0&hdt=5200B0&hdm=5200B0&hdl=5200B0&ey=FF0000&er=000000&pi=000000&nk=5200B0&ch=5200B0&eg=BAB83D&sk=BAB83D&abs=5200B0&bt=5200B0&cod=5200B0&ull=000000&lk=FFFFFF&lll=000000&lft=000000&url=FFFFFF&rk=000000&lrl=FFFFFF&rft=FFFFFF&slt=000000&sli=FFFFFF&srt=FFFFFF&sri=000000&ula=FFFFFF&lel=000000&lla=FFFFFF&lw=000000&lh=FFFFFF&ura=000000&rel=FFFFFF&rla=000000&rw=FFFFFF&rh=000000&bg=FFFFFF&rb=000000&gr=000000&wg=true&blt=000000

 

Of the four, I think the first one is the best. One option might be to replace the purple accents with black on that one. Not sure how it'd look...

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/smsbeta.php?bpe=5200B0&bpj=5200B0&bp=5200B0&bpc=5200B0&hdt=5200B0&hdm=5200B0&hdl=5200B0&ey=FF0000&er=000000&pi=000000&nk=5200B0&ch=5200B0&eg=BAB83D&sk=BAB83D&abs=5200B0&bt=5200B0&cod=5200B0&ull=FFFFFF&lk=000000&lll=FFFFFF&lft=FFFFFF&url=FFFFFF&rk=000000&lrl=FFFFFF&rft=FFFFFF&slt=000000&sli=FFFFFF&srt=000000&sri=FFFFFF&ula=FFFFFF&lel=000000&lla=FFFFFF&lw=000000&lh=FFFFFF&ura=FFFFFF&rel=000000&rla=FFFFFF&rw=000000&rh=FFFFFF&bg=FFFFFF&rb=000000&gr=000000&wg=true&blt=000000

 

Like that, evidently. Probably my second favorite.

 

Heh... Yeah, this is one of the things I did that I'm least sold on, but I wanted an excuse to field Grey Knight "allies" when I felt like it but to have them in the colors of my Chapter. I always intended for the Exonerators to be more psychically active than average because I love Librarians and wanted them in my armies, but I'm not married to keeping this section intact. It'd be pretty easy to rewrite them to keep it as just a sub-section of the First Company that's particularly zealous and thus trusted to ministerial and counseling role in support of the Chaplains.

 

Well, explaining the GK special rules for your chapter doesn't really need too much. Holocaust is a fancy grenade launcher, the anti-daemon stuff no longer works, NFWs aren't actually Force Weapons until a BC has them, and Shrouding is clearly advanced sneakiness training.

 

So all in all, don't even mention it.

 

I considered being more explicit about that point in the article itself, but I've been told throughout the process of writing the Chapter that it's better to keep some things mysterious and that I have a tendency to write too much.

 

Do you think it bears including?

 

It might. What really needs including are the core concepts of your chapter. What makes them, them. If you have extra space, you can then show examples of how that works. Honestly, what an IA should do is show you enough of the chapter that people can work out how they work and what they would think of something on their own.

 

I'd be willing to bet that some of the strangeness comes from my leaving certain paragraphs almost untouched, slashing others completely, and adding new material without a complete rewrite. There are places where whole swaths of information has been removed in one of the past seven edits and that's likely giving me some issues.

 

Ohyah. Just a little. :P

 

Still, figured I should put these up before you put up the rewrite.

Edited May 26, 2009 by Octavulg

[Grand Master Tyrak]

I'm a big fan of the idea that the Imperium and even the Astartes are not as pure as they believe themselves to be.

 

Of course they're not, it's a fundamental principle of Grimdark. Indeed, no-one is as pure as they believe themselves to be (even the Tau -_- ). There is no one magical solution to all of humanity's problems. However, bear in mind that the same principle that you pointed out applies equally to the Soul Drinker viewpoint.

 

Well, explaining the GK special rules for your chapter doesn't really need too much. Holocaust is a fancy grenade launcher, the anti-daemon stuff no longer works, NFWs aren't actually Force Weapons until a BC has them, and Shrouding is clearly advanced sneakiness training.

 

Grand Master. BC's is just a power weapon.

 

My next question would be why not just include Grey Knights? They're nothing wrong with including them in your army as they are.

Edited May 26, 2009 by Grand Master Tyrak