The Knights Vermillion

[Monstra Sumus]

Below is the description of the Chapter i'm going to be modelling as my 40k army. My spelling and grammer are not amazing so you'll have to endure.

I welcome constructive critisicm and pointers to help shape my chapter, but be aware that there are some elements which may be deemed 'cliche'. Theres are core to my chapter and aren't going to change.

Early M36, Dark Founding Chapter. Age of Apostasty.

The Knights Vermillion were created near the beginning of the Thirteenth founding, they scour Imperial occupied space around the Maelstrom on their fortress barge Imperator Dominatus or the Dominator as its more commonly known. They fore-go any sanctioned pyskers or infact an psychic presence at all in their combat ranks due to a terrible inter-chapter war, relying upon their combat abilities and sheer faith in the Emperor of Mankind to see them through to dusk. They believe that the Imperium should keep psykers only for the longevity of the Emperor and to fill the role of the Astropaths. Their creation was a rushed affair brought about by the order of a crazed man, with the 'Traitor' forces still ravaging the nearby systems, the 'Imperium' was loathe to loose more worlds so they implemented the Knights Vermillion into the start of a lengthy creation period which ultimately ended in disaster.

Datafax

The culture within the Athenian system has endured throughout the bloody history of the galaxy. Once a prosperous and peaceful collection of planets locked in the golden age of philosophy the Heresy scoured beauty and culture from the surface of each planet in the system. Athena and Presae are the chapters main recruiting worlds, carrying an air of medieval europe to them after their great grecian culture fell. The first planet, Armacia is the designated Chapter planet due to the Space Marines being the only creatures capable of withstanding its massive levels of Radiation. It was discovered after a rescue operation by a geno-mechanicum vessel to recover a ship that had moored in low orbit. The people of this system were civilized in a culture that relied heavily on faith in mankind and faith in their survival skills. Upon deeper excavation of the crust of Armacia, it is closely guarded by the Imperials who discovered Armacia, who have been whitled down to the Chapter masters and possibly several Inquisition members, that mankind had been here before, a star ship from the very beginning of space exploration before Old Night was buried within the earth containing a legendary STC. The giant crater filled with compressed ash over the millenia, the massive engine banks of the colony vessel jutting up out of the rock, burned and irradiated by the nearby sun. They surmised this is where the natives origionally came from, they were once Terran colonists who slowly over time regressed from technological superiority and into a more grecian culture and relied upon their own skills and rules to survive in their once lush environment.

Datafax

The air that the natives breath outside the safety of the cities is produced from a plant much like the many species of trees lining worlds across the Imperium, albiet stunted and grown in a fashion akin to ivy and vines, these are called the Lyhapis. The staple of Athenian diet is the berries which grow upon these trees, a soft, fur covered and delicious fruit about the size of a melon. The juices from the Kronenberry are brewed into a potent almost toxic alcohol which has been known to send people blind if brewed wrong, is the prize of their culture, the Knights Vermillion incorporate this into their blood drinking rituals in times of festivity and honour feasts. Another main of the Athenian diet is the squat Kronengar, a beast much like the wild boar, with four sets of tusks strong enough to break through rock and ceramite. They feed upon the gigantic grubs that plague the Lyhapis vines and produce supple flesh which is cut from all locations upon their bodies. They are short haired, almost sightless and rely upon their pin point sense of smell to root out the grubs beneath the ash waste soil. They are devolved from swine that the colony ship brought thousands of years ago by the solar radiation that scorches and ailes the planets.

Armacia is designated as the Knights Vermillion home world, yet upon the Vermillion Crusade, they may replace losses with Imperials from other planets not already claimed by a Chapter, but the majority of the Chapter are Athenian natives or from the surrounding planets in the closer systems. Armacia is a small satelite which orbits the star Athena I and suffers because of its close proximity to the fierce star. The periodic bursts of solar radiation flash out into the space around Armacia and penetrate its atmosphere at such a high intensity it has reduced the surface of the planet to a thick igneous crust washed with storms of ash.

The population of the planets Athena and Presae have resided in city-states and are at constant war for the limited resources the planets still retain. The Knights Vermillion are considered Lords of these City states and what the Astartes decide is best for the people is taken as gospel. The Chapter Master is the governor of this small system on the edge of Imperial space. The Knights Vermillion return every cycle they make around the Maelstrom, taking the chance to select perfect aspirants from home stock rather than from across the Imperial worlds as due to the genetic hardiness of their people endure the indoctrination process much easier than others. They take to the gene-seed with an estimated 43% success rate, half of the aspirants survive the process and become succesful Neophytes, the other percentage succomb to horrendous mutation which either sends the aspirant into a permanent coma until their body gives out from sheer stress or their own blood burns them from the inside out, rewriting their genetic code into that of a hulking savage blood thirsty creature until death.

The Chapter Planet has but one Satelite which hangs in high orbit and pushes against the rotational well, this is the Prison Fortress of Luxors Folly. Named after a heretic in the chapters history this is a prison where those who ultimately fall to the Rage are kept until they expire, it also doubles as an planetary defense base, housing several Astartes cruisers and escort vessels. It is rumoured that the Knights Vermillion hold Astartes of other chapters here or members of other factions in the Imperium that have come close to discovering the Knights true origin.

A simple childrens fable has been documented by the Inquisition and the worlds are under constant watch unknown to the Knights Vermillion. The fable speaks of children who do not behave, those who wander and adventure from the safety of the cities gates. It speaks of the Silent watchers in the dark, the Deep ones who have no sound or soul. This has been recorded and compared to several other such stories from different worlds. Armacia is suspect to either an unwoken Tomb world or to have some sort of Necrontyr artifact within its crust, such as a star ship or monolith from ages past which affects the outlying planets.

The reason Athenia has been chosen as their home star is because the natives show a lack of any psychic phenomenon, in planet wide sweeps, there has been no psykers to ever have been born within the planetart populations.

Datafax

There are three Dreadnoughts, Brother Typhot, a Veteran brother who killed an impressive amount of greenskins during the Second war of Armageddon and was given the honour of continuing the Vermillion Crusade. Brother Markhart, a counterpart to Typhot, both wielding the same armaments in union to one another. He was given his honours whislt falling during the aftermath of the Badab war, he delved into combat against a mob of Corsairs, killing all in a rain of bolter fire and whirring chainsword strokes. His brothers found his body hours later beneath the pile of bodies, barely alive and tittering upon the brink of existance. The last Dreadnought is the oldest of the three and he fell in a minor skirmish with the World Eaters during the Vermillion crusade's start. The battle within which he fell is not famous, there are no heralds or stories told between chapters, only the Knights venerate him for it. He stood defiant to a greater host, refusing to give one inch to the filth of the traitor's horde. He defended his battle brothers to the last whilst they retreated, when he fell, a passing Brother lifted him from the ground but still he protested, wishing to continue to kill the enemy. For his bravery and victorious defence of the tactical retreat he was honoured into the body of the Chapters only Venerable dreadnought. His name, is Brother Torgad. He is deployed along side the Terminator squad when assaulting fortified positions or when the destruction of a powerful adversary is needed.

Their Chapter Master is Uron Malefictus, Master Chaplain, but he is simply known as the Red Death. His fortress barge is named after his exploits within the Blood Angels. He suffered as a Brother, always tettering on the edge of the Rage but never fully succoming to its pull. For this he was released from the Chapter because he was too unpredictable and if he finally did become consumed by the Rage he could do so without brining destruction upon the Blood Angels chapter. He was discovered by Agents of a secret cult set in motion by the tyrant Vandire upon his singular struggle to survive. The perfect base for their new personal army. Yet the Knights Vermillion have proven themselves to be a capable aid to the Imperium, albiet a rather unknown one.

Being a Chapter small in number, they are composed mainly of Tactical companies with Assault support due to lack of Imperial armour and special weapons. There is one recorded Terminator squad, led by Veteran Tios, the only Brother to date who has achieved command of a Terminator Squad within the Knights Vermillion, this squad is deep striked into hostile forces, they are adept at dispatching the more vicious and dangerous threats to the Chapter like the Red Corsairs sorcerors or champions. Tios would have become the first Dreadnought the Chapter would have had but he recovered from his vicious wounds after the crusade, his brother Torgad did not and so their intered him within the sarcophagus instead. Tios was given the first suit of Tactical Dreadnought armour the Chapter had unveiled and was given full control over who joined his squad as the Chapter only hold five suits of the sacred and ancient armour.

The Assault support are usually tasked with destroying enemy armour or heavy infantry. When none presents itself they excell in close combat as they channel their rage into strength and awareness that surpasses a marines normal senses, this allows them to get to grips with their adversaries and counter their combat techniques. For every two Tactical squads there is a Assault squad that provides them with close combat support which allows for the Knights to keep a constant moving gun line.

Each tactical squad is led by a Sargeant who is skilled in the art of war, when the Veteran company is deployed it is common that a Veteran will take command of several squads at once. The Veterans of the Knights Vermillion are not nessecarily those granted Terminator honours, yes they can join the ranks of Tios brother if they are chosen for their tenacity against the Red Corsairs, they are used primarily as field commanders, each given the authority to comandeer tactical squads and use them to bolster the Veterans objective in the absence of a Chaplain. The Veterans are those given accsess to more devastating equipment such as energy or plasma based weaponry. The reaon the Veterans are given such a large responsibilty is due to the fact they have limited control over the Rage and can channel it effectively, so they are used as role models to the Chapter.

The Captains and Company commanders are all of close ties to the Chaplaincy, ordered by the Chaplain Master of the Chapter to watch over the Knights Vermillion for any brother that may suffer the Rage or Thirst too deeply. As the Chapter knows what devostation the Black Rage can cause if not kept in check, they implement the Chaplains as their command force to keep a wide control on all of their companies.

Devostator squads are non exsitant within the Chapter as Veterans are given the honour of weilding high calibre or energy based weaponry. The Veterans also fill the role of company commanders in the absence of a higher rank and the basis is one of moral. If you see your commanding officer decimate a foe with the firey retribution of a sacred plasma rifle then it shall steel your resolve and make you fight more ferverantly against your foe in the hope that one day you shall serve the Emperor as valiant and nobly as your Veteran command has.

The Sanguinistic Assault squads are iin higher number than records indicate and excel in the literal meaning of death from above, they straff the battle field from high above the enemy position raining down bolter fire and grenades upon the heads of the uncautious. Then only once they have decimated a structure of defense and broken morale do they truly live up to the name of the Death Company. They swoop down to eviscerate the survivors and bathe in their blood, devouring their enemies in an attempt to satiate the Thirst. They are ususally unleashed upon the enemy in situations where mortality rates will be extreme.

Knight Vermillion

None but the Chapter Master and the Chaplain Master know of the Chapters true origin and founding. The Mad Tyrant Gigor Vindare had many followers during his reign of blood. One Mechanicum Adept liberated an entire Gene-ship from the control of Mars and set about hiding throughout the galaxy, creating an army of Astartes for the Tyrants personal use, as an elite bodyguard against other Astartes. The intention was to purefy the gene-seed of the one Blood Angel renegade they had 'aquired' by genetically trying to master it with other gene-seed samples. This failed, terrifically. Instead of curing the Rage and Thirst with application of Dorn and Lions gene-template they caused the effects of Sanguinis seed to become drastically uncontrollable, they were ordered to kill the astartes failiures. The several Astartes they had in their custody overthrew their Mechanicum creators, rallying under the Blood Angel and taking over the Gene-ship, enslaving the younger adepts and priest and forcing them to create more Astartes. The astartes found the small semi-dead system of Athena and began to insert themselves through bloody tyranny as the systems leaders. They would prosper, denying their creators in every action. They hid from the avenging armies of the Sororitas and the Custodes, dodging the Mechanicum in the after years and established themselves as a Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes.

The Chapter take most of their beliefs and doctrine straight from Imperial history, their edict and philosophy based upon pre-Heresy legacy and information. Their belief that it is not what you use to fight an enemy its how you do it, a bolt round to the skull is just as effective as a Librarians psyker powers. They believe that a neopyhte shouldn't be guided in his way to becoming a Knight, instead he should be thrust out into the fire and flame without direction, if he survives on his skill and will to live he shall be worthy to live another day. Which is why the Chapter has an unusually high number of Scout/Neophyte based squads. These Neophytes are placed under a vow of silence and can only speak when given the order by a superior, they communciate through actions and a coded language of taps and gestures. This vow is designed by the Chaplains to coincide with their psycho conditioning to prevent the Rage developing too fast, the vow helps to make the mental chains binding the Rage more effective as verbal communication from the host whilst being conditioned breaks the dampers on the mind. They found this out whilst implementing the conditioning the first time, one subject out of the first ten broke silence during the ritual and the Rage took full control of him, turning him into a mindless beast, baying for blood.

Their affiliation with the Ecclisiarcy and the Inquisition is a shallow ground, they distrust any who would interrogate their own or worship themselves through vanity and corruption over the Emperor himself. Their Chaplains are figure heads, generally seen deploying the Chapter banner and at the head of spear thrusts so as to boost morale. Their faith is based on the days that the Emperor shall rise from the golden throne and lead the forces of the Imperium once again in glory as the Leader of Mankind he once was, not a heavenly figure for people to pray at his feet. The believe wholely in apocalyptic revelations, do not tempt the will of the Emperor with change, his word is law and to venerate him as a forgiving beneficent god is heresy in their eyes, to them he is a god, he is humanitys god, their rigtheous, fury filled herald of destruction. The Chaplains relationship with the Ecclisiarcy is strained to breaking point, civility is barely kept when contact is made and the handing out of Rosarii is a long and tedious affair which involves much diplomacy due to the Chapters intolerance for protocol and political skull duggery. The entire Chapter are subject to investigation by the Ecclisiarchy constantly, their Chaplains are always being hounded by Priests and other members of the Ecclisiarcy to repent and welcome the light of the Forgiving Emperor into their hearts to make them Holy as the Knights are seen as wayward children, the prodigal sons of the Imperium. The Adeptus Sororitas refuse to partake in joint operations with the Chapter and show outward hostility to such undeserving heretics, but still the Chapter endures without the need to cotton wrap their religion.

They distrust other Chapters who base their faith in the need to prove it constantly to the 'higher' powers of the Imperium. One line that is common to be heard from the Knights Vermillion is '' If a Brother must prove his faith, let it be through his actions and not the opinions of others. '' Their closed mind approach to Psykers stems from a notable battle in their Chapter history, there was one Librarian within their ranks just after they were founded and he was advisor to Uron Malefictus but during the Badab war with the Astral Claws, the Librarian Luxor succomed to the forces of Chaos and manipulated all of the brothers under his command, forcing the Black Rage to surface in them all. None still to this day know why or how this happened, but it did, causing the most crippling war the Knights Vermillion has had to endure. The war was vicious and fast and saw the once mighty battle barge Luxors Bravery warp into a killing machine filled with uncontrollable monsters. The Red Death himself gave the order to anhilate the great barge and end the traitors flight into the Maelstrom, and so the Knights Vermillion engaged their own brothers killing an entire third of the Chapters strength and loosing almost another third on the loyalist side. The battle has been named Luxors Folly and the remains of the traitor barge have been converted into an prison which orbits Armacia. Here they house those who suffer the Black Rage entirely and leave them until their insanity and savagery becomes their death. The Chapter has sadly, never regained full strength as the number of those who survive the conditioning or Rage supression is pitifully low.

The Chapter prohibits the use of psykers in any of their chapters and the history is tended to and documented by scribes taken from various worlds to serve aboard the fortress barge. The ban upon psykers is seen as foolish by their progentors and often called into question, the response given is blunt and often ignorant. Yet that is how the Knights Vermillion endure, their over bearing sense of ignorance fuels them on their crusade against Chaos, they cut out anything that can easily be manipulated by the foul heathen powers which is why they dampen their Rage, supress their emotions and refuse contact with worlds producing a high content of psychic ability. They are isolated within the Imperium, rarely communicating at face value with anyone, all contact with the Imperium is done via vox transmissions or through a third party. All of their secrecy and prohibitations is all down to perfecting their humanity, they wish not to suffer impurity any more so than their Chapter faces internally. Being the descendants of Sanguinius and his psychic legacy has seen them be called hypocrites and failiures to his name, but they endure for they believe having the ability to read minds or manipulate the universe around you is to have Power and to harness power only leads to desire and desire leads to sin which is the road to Heresy.

The Chapter masters shepard their Knights into a tightly knit community, any contact and socialisation out of the Chapter and the inhabitants of their city states is strictly forbidden and missing the allocated mediation time is punishable by flangellation. Their faith is not religious, they do not see the Emperor as the forgiving beacon of hope and prosperity as others view him, to them, he is God, the ultimate force which heads the human race, the one being above the coils of mortality who will cleave out mankinds path through blood and fire, to worship him in any other way is heresy in their eyes. They revere him and his teachings not his divinity. Their faith is based upon what mankind can do for itself, what they themselves can accomplish. They have thus far repressed their genetic flaws, they have conquered the ability to endure without psychic manipulation all without believing the religious dogma other Chapters do.

The biggest secret kept from the chapter next to their origin is the Chapter Master. 'Uron Malefictus' died over three thousand years ago, yet still leads the Chapter in glory from the front. One marine is chosen from the ranks of the veterans and chaplains every time the Master is killed. They replace him in every aspect, forgetting who they were or are and taking up the mantel of The Red Death. They strive to channel their Rage in such a way that they can ultimately control it, focusing its power. Wether this works or not is never told to the chapter, it is all the workings of entrapment and propoganda to keep an understrength army with morale.

Datafax

The current 'Uron' has been able to form his 'rage' into a potent aid, with his spiritual ability as a Chaplain and with the help of his brothers, through intense psycho-conditioning and meditation he has discovered a way to control the rage whislt in combat. He has embraced this as not a cure because he believes there is no cure for the curse but has embraced it as a strength to their Chapter. He has devised a conditioning with the rest of his Chaplain brothers to help control and co-ordinate the Rage within each Knight into a formidable battle aid, sending them into a almost berserker like state for a short amount of time. He has decreed that every brother within the Chapter shall commit themselves fully to the Vermillion Crusade established by him after the Badab war, a crusade thats goal is to see the former Astral Claws hunted down to the last and Huron Blackheart destroyed.

The Knights Vermillion descend from Sanguinius gene-seed and suffer from both the Red thirst and the Black rage, but they are not seen as curses. Their thirst is satiated by the consumation of blood donated by those the Knights Vermillion have saved within the Imperium and they see this as an honour, to drink the blood of the Imperium itself bolsters their faith and devotion to protect that which they need to survive. They do however participate in drinking their enemies blood, during their frenzied bouts of barbarism they maul and consume, trying to satiate the thirst through the fires of combat and this is seen as a black mark in the Inquisitions eyes. The Black rage still affects them and causes their brothers to go insane, but their constant devotion to battle and high number of Chaplains has reduced the rate of rage sufferers. They do not view the Rage as a curse like many others do, they accept it and use its full fury against their enemies, it is seen as a nessecary gain to the Chapter in times of war, as long as it is controlled to an extent. They will not suffer another turn of events like those of Luxors Folly, so each Brother within the Chapter must attend to daily sermons held by the Chaplaincy, these sermons are filled with meditation and psycho-therapy to help barrier the rage into a channeled force rather than an affliction of the mind and body. This has proven succesful so far, with only a handful of Brothers spiralling into the depths of Rage every few decades.

Thier gene-defects surface with age, aside from the violent tendancies and vampire like fangs, the older a Marine becomes the more he begins to resemble a monster of legend, his eyes will turn a deep crimson red and his skin will take on the pallor of a corpse.

The Chaplains intone a speech of faith to the Emperor before each battle and the closed mind approach aids to the fact that these speeches are hard hitting within the ranks. The speeches are simple and to the point, the most common of which is as follows.

Our Loyalty is unquestioned, we are re-born into the defense of His glorious empire. For one to question our ability and want to protect our own is himself at doubt. We are the Knights Vermillion and He charged us with defending our own, so come Brothers, let us defend the best way we know how, to bring bolter and chainsword and wreak havoc upon our enemies! IN HIS GLORIOUS NAME!

Common cries or declerations heard throughout the Chapter are:

'' For the Emperor and the Red Death! ''

'' For Armacia and the Imperium! ''

'' For the Knights Vermillion! ''

[The Nephilim]

I guess by Baal Prime you mean Baal Primus? Or Baal? The Baal cannon has the planet Baal having two moons. Baal Primus and Baal Secondus. Both of which the Blood Angels recruit new marines from. The Blood Angel homeworld is Baal.

 

On either account, if your Baal Prime is in the same system, I find it highly unlikely, successor chapter or not, the Blood Angels would tolerate another Chapter being in their system. Marines being highly territorial and whatnot.

 

Rest of the entry is kind of bland. You use the same wording and phrases repeatedly, resulting in eye bleeding and headaches. A thesaurus would be your friend.

 

I like the name, but another chapter created to fight fill in the blank, is overdone, imo. Keep with the Blood Angel successor idea, but try to think of a better creation idea. We were made to fight orks, is boring. Imperial Guard can fight orks. And often times, do it better than marines.

 

Also, the chapter, if I'm not mistaken, would have been created at full-strength. So what happened that caused the significant drop in numbers?

 

Browse some of the DYI's and look at their complexity and inventiveness. Put a little more thought into it and polish your story a bit.

 

An idea: Due to the Rage plaguing the Vermillion geneseed, the organization has been completely reworked. The Chapter Masters are actually Chaplain-Masters (think like the Blood Ravens being lead by Librarians). The higher frequency of chaplains help ensure that the Knights Vermillion don't slip past the brink and into darker hands.

 

Follow up idea: The loss of numbers is due to a chapter war. While fighting orks, or someone else, a great number of the chapter fell into the Rage and slaughtered all the orks and then turned on their brothers. High causalities and what not. This also reinforces the need for more chaplains.

 

My two cents.

[Monstra Sumus]

My writing may not be great, but i'm not good at it and never have been so you'll just have to endure, lol.

 

I really like the idea of the Chaplains so i'll incorporate that but I chose the Ork cause I really dont like them as a preference and it was just a starting idea.

 

I've studied the star maps and i've chosen a planet where theres no marine basis so i'm gonna modify that, i've been out of touch with the 40k universe for a bit.

 

The Chapter were created at full strength but the whole destruction of a ship carrying a good portion of their fighting strength saw their numbers dwindle.

 

But thanks for your opinion.

 

[EDIT]:

 

The chapter history has been redone since the first response.

[The Nephilim]

Still could use some polish, but the only other change I would recommend, and mind you, I'm not a harsh as some on the board, is that your Chaplain Master not be on the brink of the Rage all the time. It wouldn't make that much sense to me if he's supposed to be leading his brethren in matters of war and the soul, but he freaks out every once in a while.

 

If they embrace the Rage, meaning not viewing it as a curse, maybe they embrace it like the Space Wolves do the Beast? That would be interesting to read about. How they allow themselves into a controlled rage, but still have to be mindful how how far they slip. Maybe your Chaplain Master of the Knights Vermilion mastered this and is striving to teach his brothers how to do it?

 

Dunno. Some ideas to think about. The Orks are fine as are the Red Corsairs. If they're gonna be stationed around the Maelstrom, they could be created just to maintain the order there. *shrug* Your call.

 

As a note, the star maps only listed cannon worlds for the most part. There are millions of worlds in the Imperium. Do you see millions of worlds on any of the star maps? Nope. Feel free to make your own.

 

All in all, I think you should spend more thought on your Knights. Good starting ideas, but there's a lot more I think you could flesh out.

[Monstra Sumus]

Aye, the Chapter master being in control of his rage is something I was trying to convey but didn't bring it across clearly at all.

The history will be more indepth as I continue the project so it will eventually be fleshed out to a more clear description.

At the moment its in its beginning stages

 

 

[EDIT] History has been edited.

[Monstra Sumus]

History tweaked, general chapter mock up complete.

 

Open to reviews and suggestions guys!

[flintlocklaser]

One brief note, I'll try and be more in-depth tomorrow: Sanguinius was a powerful psyker himself - how does your chapter reconcile that with their anti-psyker stance? I'm not saying that you should change it, mind you - just explore the tension this situation creates. How do they go from the gene-seed of one of the most powerful psykers of the Primarchs to a zero-psyker policy?

[Monstra Sumus]

Aye, it is a good point but its one i've explained, The first librarian they ever had fell to chaos and caused an inter chapter war that destroyed over half their forces. So psykers are a big no-no for them even in the light of their history

[flintlocklaser]

Aye, it is a good point but its one i've explained, The first librarian they ever had fell to chaos and caused an inter chapter war that destroyed over half their forces. So psykers are a big no-no for them even in the light of their history

 

This is the 'why.' In an IA, the 'why' is often not as important as the effect it has on the Chapter. Are they upset at having to forgo one of the biggest parts of Sanguinius' legacy? Mephiston, the BA's chief Librarian, is often described as one of the most powerful psykers in the Imperium (if not the most powerful) - how would your chapter react if he wound up commanding a portion of their forces in a Crusade or large battle? Do they envy other BA chapters for being closer to Sanguinius due to using psykers? Or do they conversely feel that their sacrificing of this ability makes them purer somehow?

 

There's a lot of detail in here, which is good in general, it means you've got lots of ideas to work from. But for an IA you might want to trim some of it down or move some of it to sidebars, and concentrate in the IA itself on the character and theme of the chapter. The info about the food and tunnel cities is interesting but it doesn't really tell us anything about how your chapter would operate; that stuff, and some of the more in-depth world history might be better in it's own article, or again maybe a sidebar. And you mention that you're writing this specifically about an army you're making to play. There's nothing at all wrong with that, but it makes some of your stuff seem like it's just a translation of what your tabletop army is going to look like. Having said that, so you don't think I'm focusing on problems to the exclusion of anything else, I really like your line about how their beliefs make getting the Chaplains' Rosariuses (Rosarii?) from the Ecclesiarchy a long-drawn out process of diplomacy - that's a nice little snippet that gives your army character as well as illustrating something about how they interact with the rest of the 40k universe.

 

All in all I think you've got a solid base here. The main suggestion I'd make again is just to tighten the whole thing up overall, moving some of the extraneous material to its own article (like the in-depth stuff about the homeworld, or the detailed listing of all the Chapter Dreadnaughts). Looking forward to seeing more!

[Monstra Sumus]

[EDITED HISTORY]

 

I've considered some stuff you've said and i've written in alot more.

 

The only thing I cant do is the Sidebars and headings and such because I dont have any programs I can do that with, i'm working on a basic laptop with no media software.

 

But i'm planning on getting all the information right before I see about moving it about into appropriate sections like informative sidebars and linked information and such.

[Sigismund Himself]

The headers, sidebars and captions are done with the board's BB Coding. Have a click through this guide and it should be easy.

[Monstra Sumus]

There we go, made it all spangly and what not, how's that?

[Monstra Sumus]

Pictures of the Chapter models are up in the Work In Progress thread.

 

Just need a mod to give this article a once over and see if its all in order to be interred into the Liber

[Monstra Sumus]

Well, been a year. I've refined my chapter IA, cut out aload of useless faff, and I do believe I have the stable core to my index.

 

Thoughts and comments on the revised IA?