DIY Chapter Prophecy

[Battle-Brother Maracthor]

As part of the fluff for my DIY chapter I have been thinking of a Prophecy for them. I want it to be vague enough that while some parts seem specific others could be ambigous and give my Doombringers something to work towards.

 

“When the Restless Eye is controlled by Hate

and the Gaze of Eternity grows Dark,

the Infernal Defiler will open the Gate

and Fate shifts to Those with the Mark.

 

When Fate’s Die is all but Cast

and the Strength of the Guardians is Bled,

the Bringers of Doom must face their Past

as all Life hangs by a Thread.

 

That once thought Lost must again be Found

and its Power brought to the Fore,

or the Chime of Death will no longer Sound

and Man’s Doom sealed Evermore!”

 

Thoughts and constructive critisism appreciated.

[Battle-Brother Maracthor]

Wow, zero responses. It was either too exceptional for comment or it blew big time. Not disillusioned enough to think it was exceptional.

[Ferrata]

I doubt poetry is really up there on the average Liberites list of skills. You might get more responses over in Liber Comminiscor.

 

As for my comments, whats with the random capitalising? It is hard to judge it without context and you shouldn't repeat 'fate' so quickly after itself unless you are trying to make something of it.

[Hasoroth]

A bit of an inane comment, but for some reason I keep thinking of the song Hallelujah when I read your poem :P

 

Also, I would suggest trying to be a little bit less obviousness (if it sounds harsh, I don't mean it to be). There is a difference between a poem/prophecy with a mild undertone of darkness as opposed to an in your face "STUFFS GOING DOWN MOFO, FOLLOW THESE STEPS TO AVERT THE GRIBBLY CHAOS!"

[Skirax]

Nice. May I use it for an English assignment?

[Battle-Brother Maracthor]

Skirax - thanks, sure go right ahead.

 

It was never my intention to write this as poetry - it was meant to be a prophetic verse (akin to the Ring Verse in LotR, which also rhymes) with multiple meanings hence the capitalisation of certain words.

The Restless Eye perhaps meaning the Inquisition (the eye that sleepeth not) or perhaps the Eye of Terror. The Guardians perhaps referring to the Eldar or to the Guardians of the Emperor (the Adeptus Custodes) or even the Imperial Guard.

 

Perhaps a rethink and restructure will bring it closer to my original idea.