Index Astartes: Arctic Lions (V2)

[Ferrus Manus]

Index Astartes: Arctic Lions

Origins

Brother Tua

During the 38th Millennium the High Lords of Terra declared another founding of the Adeptus Astartes, in response to another of Abaddon Edited July 21, 2009 by Ferrus Manus

[Marshal Rohr]

Iron Lions

Steel Lions

Imperial Lions

Ice Lions

Avenging Lions

[Chaos Terminator Nero]

Predators of Ursrik

Arctic Predators

Ice hunters

Battle Lions

 

sorry last one a bit weak i like Artic Lions Their is something regal about the Lion

[The Dean]

While I would not have any problems with Arctic Lions, I like "Predators of Ulrik". :P

 

Nice concept. looking forward to seing it develop.

[Daruch]

Arctic Lions sounds good to me. If you like it I would recommend to simply ignore contrary opinion... advices are good for the fluff and when the name is really terrible, but if there isn't more of a reason than this it all comes to tastes. You are going to play with thes Lions for years, they won't, pick a name YOU find good, even if they don't cry tears of joy when hearing it ! (granted at least they don't cry tears of pain...)

[Ferrus Manus]

Thanks guys, I think I will stick with the Arctic Lions, simply as I haven't seen a name I like as much. I've put up their original colour scheme and my new version of their origins. Opinions welcome.

[Daruch]

For over two centuries the Chapter fought in the Emperor’s name with a fierce loyalty and great sense of humility. It was then that the Chapter got involved in the cleansing of the Nebula Stars, close to the Eye of Terror. Only two accounts remain of the battles there, both heavily guarded. But during the campaign the chapter changed. A non-astartes personnel recorded that the chapter under went great internal change, unsure as to why. Only those of the Chapter will ever know the true reason.

 

You write about change in the chapter and mysteries... it's fine but it's either too much or too few I think. Here you just say that "something notable happened" and no more details, I fell like you promise me a big surprise and then refuse to give it... a little frustrating. I would totally accept it if you have not think enough over it to developp but I think you must tell us more. Not necessarily tell us what happened, you can instead make it more mysterious, but you have to make an important event sounds important. A long description of these events, even if the don't clearly give the answers, can do much for the fluff of a chapter.

[Ferrus Manus]

You write about change in the chapter and mysteries... it's fine but it's either too much or too few I think. Here you just say that "something notable happened" and no more details, I fell like you promise me a big surprise and then refuse to give it... a little frustrating. I would totally accept it if you have not think enough over it to developp but I think you must tell us more. Not necessarily tell us what happened, you can instead make it more mysterious, but you have to make an important event sounds important. A long description of these events, even if the don't clearly give the answers, can do much for the fluff of a chapter

I'm glad you picked this out. I want to keep over description to a minimum in this version. I think I ruined the previous version by clogging it with unnecessary detail. So here I tried to keep it mysterious and make the reader want to read on to find out about it. Maybe I've over simplified it. But the plan was to place one of the 'missing' accounts of the campaign in a sidebar.

[Octavulg]

During the 38th Millennium the High Lords of Terra declared another founding of the Adeptus Astartes, in response to growing Ork activity. There was much celebration across Terra and the vaults of geneseed upon Mars were opened to begin the cultivation of enough implants for each of the chapters created. One of these chapters would eventually become to be known as the Arctic Lions. However, when Captain Julian Rycius of the Eagle Warriors landed on Terra to begin his command of the newly founded chapter, they were simply known as Chapter 837, gene sons of Roboute Gulliman.

 

Orks. Really? :P

 

Also, the Timeline at the top of the forum suggests that a M38 founding would have been in "potentially in response to Black Crusades at the end of M37".

 

Chapter would likely be assembled on Mars or some planet close to the Solar system, rather than Terra. Terra's too important to have random trainee Space Marine chapters running around.

 

Once Rycius had formerly accepted command of Chapter 837 he wasted no time with the continued celebrations, he ordered his warriors to board his battle barge, the Unyielding Hate; still painted in the heraldry of the Eagle Warriors. Once aboard he began to indoctrinate the young chapter in the ways of the Codex Astartes and instilled within them with his own spiritual ideas. Once this was complete, Rycius ordered them into battle, entering wars commonly considered below the attention of the astartes. As the chapter gained experience in battle, Rycius ordered them in larger scale campaigns. Once the reputation of the new chapter grew thousands flocked to join their ranks. Rycius took only the very best, and thus their ranks began to swell. For over two centuries the Chapter fought in the Emperor’s name with a fierce loyalty and great sense of humility. The Chapter gained a reputation for being calm, cold-hearted killers; having no tolerance for heretics, who they often brought, swiftly and brutally, to justice.

 

Rycius should really have some help in doing all this.

 

Focusing on the details of founding a new chapter reveals the fact that no matter how it's done, it doesn't make much sense. Be cautious.

 

Also, not even First Founding Chapters have recruits 'flocking' to join them. Tone it down a little. :(

 

It was after three centuries of warfare that the Chapter was granted rights to homeworld, still nameless. Rycius had constantly consulted the Emperor’s Tarot for guidance. He had received nothing so far; it was a great surprise when the cards pointed them toward the icy deathworld called Ursrik. Once there the chapter took the planet as there own and immediately began to fortify it. It was upon the completion of the Chapter’s Monastery that Rycius received a vision. He saw two lions trapped by some shadowy beasts, a raging blizzard overhead. As the beasts came in for the kill the lions stood defiant, and fought valiantly to the end. It was then that Rycius awoke. He declared that like the lions of the arctic the chapter would never surrender, and if necessary they would give their lives to save the Emperor’s realm. Thus, he re-named Chapter 837, the Arctic Lions.

 

Named. They don't have a name yet, after all, so he can't re-name them.

 

“They will endure. They will endure the storms, the freezing temperatures, and if the Emperor wills it, they will endure to enter our brotherhood.” – Anon on the people of Ursrik.

 

Good. Very good.

 

The people of Ursrik are nomadic and feral. They travel from place to place finding the vital elements needed for them to survive: food and shelter. To survive each passing day they must endure the harsh storms of Ursrik, the creatures that stalk the icy winds in search of prey, and of course each other. It is a case of survival of the strongest; with clans of people fighting for survival. Each of these wandering clans is commanded by a chieftain, often their greatest warrior. Open warfare between the clans is rare but not unheard of; often they choose to settle disputes with ritual duels, always to the death. It is these ritual combats that the chapter watches closely, earmarking candidates for selection. It is, however, at the Feast of Iron that the aspirants are taken.

 

Why would they leave shelter once they'd found it?

 

Also, might be a good idea to hint at how/why this world was settled. Even Fenris is nicer than this place.

 

The Second through to the Fifth Companies are the Battle companies, comprising of six Tactical squads, two Assault squads and two Devastator squads led by a Captain – a veteran of centuries of warfare, and the attached Chaplain. It is these four companies that make up the main might of the Arctic Lions. The Battle companies are the ones most often away from Ursrik, gaining glory and honour in the fires of combat. The Sixth and Seventh companies are the Tactical reserve companies, with the Eighth and Ninth being he Assault and Devastator reserves respectively. From here, the Battle companies replace their losses, drawing up younger battle brothers to begin making their own legends. Most of the time, the Reserve companies fulfil the supporting role for the Battle companies, being tasked to aid them when a campaign requires a greater show of strength.

 

Not really needed - we know how Codex companies work. You do it well, but I don't think anyone's going to actually read it. :P

 

The final, Tenth, company is the Scout Company. This is where the chapter’s youngest and most inexperienced brothers are found, being taught by some of the chapter’s oldest and most experienced warriors. They learn the ways of war by acting as the scouts for the Battle companies, gaining experience in every aspect of war before being granted their Black Carapace and accepted into one of the Reserve companies. Just as the First Company the Tenth rarely fights as one. It is a grim day when the chapter must group its future warriors into one place.

 

See above.

 

As befits true sons of Roboute Gulliman the Arctic Lions fight according to the Codex Astartes, almost reverently; in maintaining this flexible approach to warfare enables the chapter to react to many different situations, rather than just relying on one specific tenant of war. However, due to the Lion’s close proximity to Ork held planets, they have a slight preference for fast and hard hitting assaults, often at the enemies’ main camp – take off the head and the body will die. Time and again they will deep strike all available units into a combat zone to cause chaos and confusion; it is then that they will follow up with a hammer thrust of Tactical and Devastator squads. The chapter make heavy use of scouts, wishing to find out all they can about their enemy before committing themselves to battle. This way it is less likely that their enemy can do something that will surprise them, and they will know how to attack to maximise their strengths and the enemies’ weaknesses.

 

Tenants = People who rent rooms/apartments/buildings.

Tenets = Pieces of doctrine.

 

“Brothers, I commend you. Even as you stand on the brink of the abyss you stay true to the Emperor. You are truly the lions of Rycius, your courage and dedication is a shining example to rest of humanity. Now I implore you, give your life to the Emperor and stand with me one last time, in the face of death and defend our world from the beasts. Then, we will truly be one with the ideals we stand for. ” - Chapter Master Jormunrek during the defence of Ursrik, M40.

 

OK, put the Defense of Ursik in a sidebar somewhere.

 

As an aside, if possible, do something to make it stand out from every other valiant home world last stand. :P

 

* * *

 

Either your writing's gotten better or my standards have gotten lower. ;) Congrats.

 

Still could do with a little bit of tightening up - read stuff aloud. If you run out of breath before finishing the sentence, it's too long. :P Also, you've made a few choices of words where I think you meant to use another (exclaim where most would use proclaim, for example).

 

Only 2500 words - do you have any content you could add? Possible points of expansion: Why did they initially fight in minor wars? How did their attitude toward warfare develop? Defense of Ursik is an obvious one - but you've got to make it at least a little unique, if you can. Are there any other anecdotes of their history that could be sidebarred? Had you considered having the prophecy refer to some incident other than the Defense of Ursik (if it does)? If the prophecy has yet to be fulfilled, perhaps you should elaborate on their attitude toward it. Slightly more detail on their home world. Slightly more detail on the initial Chapter Master. Elaborate on their heartlessness, fertheluvvagawd - it's their most pronounced trait, and needs more emphasis. Explain why and how it developed, with some details - a few anecdotes of planets destroyed because they took too long, battles lost because they tarried, squads destroyed because their reinforcements allowed themselves to be tied down. For best results, have this emphasis on efficiency and speed in battle carry some consequences.

 

While I don't think you should have the full 5000 words, 3000-4000 would not be a bad target.

 

I figure you should add a bit of stuff, get it good and solid, and then we'll work over the writing with a fine-toothed comb.

Edited April 19, 2009 by Octavulg

[voi shet magir]

Why is it called Ursrik when they're lions? I mean, besides that it would be stupid to hit people in the face with a theme at every opportunity.

 

I like that they're lead by just one guy who has his own battle barge for some reason, and the idea that they become so famous that people actually try to join them, instead of being press-ganged like all other chapters. There should be more Ultramarine-style Korean cram schools for marine recruitment. To me the whole tribal thing says malnutrition, psychological trauma, and premature attrition.

 

I know that idea was just an expression on your part and they actually do the whole tournament of middle-schoolers thing, but hey, change it. As it is the chapter is not remotely weird or distinctive, and the whole IA seems a bit like the codex copy-paste you did for organization.

[Ferrus Manus]

@ Octavulg, a compliment :o, dude you feeling alright? :P

 

@ voi shet magir...

Why is it called Ursrik when they're lions?

Why not? Even in the last version it was that. Plus you answered your own question.

 

There should be more Ultramarine-style Korean cram schools for marine recruitment. To me the whole tribal thing says malnutrition, psychological trauma, and premature attrition.

With another Chapter maybe, but not these guys. I think that recruitment centres are too civil for them ;)

 

I know that idea was just an expression on your part and they actually do the whole tournament of middle-schoolers thing, but hey, change it

What expression? Why?

 

As it is the chapter is not remotely weird or distinctive, and the whole IA seems a bit like the codex copy-paste you did for organization.

Ouch, not much i can say to that. Got any suggestions to improve it?

[voi shet magir]

Once the reputation of the new chapter grew thousands flocked to join their ranks.

 

That expression. I think they should be famous, and that while they shouldn't run schools, aspirants should seek them out, instead of the other way around.

 

You describe them as mostly the opposite of self-promoting glory hogs, but, but hey, contrast has never been part of literature before? People come to them for the glory, but the actual marines do not care about fame and concentrate on their purpose.

 

I do not know what the theme is. What is going on with them besides being a bunch of marines?

[Marshal Rohr]

A chapter shouldn't be 'weird' or 'deviant' as those are lame plot device that are used by every gamer with a third grade education level. The fact that they seek no glory and still earn it is what makes them unique. The shun attention and still get it. People aspire to be them, so renowned are their deeds. You don't need a Death Company or Deathwing to be unique.

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Marshal2 Crusaders Posted Today, 09:32 PM

A chapter shouldn't be 'weird' or 'deviant' as those are lame plot device that are used by every gamer with a third grade education level. The fact that they seek no glory and still earn it is what makes them unique. The shun attention and still get it. People aspire to be them, so renowned are their deeds. You don't need a Death Company or Deathwing to be unique.

 

Fully agree. You can quite easily make a unique Chapter with just minor quirks to set them apart from everyone else - it's what it did for my DIY chapter. Whilst 'Nice Marines' are out, humble Marines fits perfectly with the warrior-monk theme of Space Marines in general.

[voi shet magir]

I have to read the IA to learn that though. If someone points to a picture or model of a marine chapter and asks what his deal is, it should be a one sentence answer that is not just an adjective. Humble is a value, not a plot device, it's like saying they are blue, which isn't distinctive or interesting.

 

Are they obsessed with a book of rules, do they try to turn themselves into metal, do they love castles, do they fight their evil brothers, do they drink a lot, did they get massacred by accident? They don't need a death company or teleportation, but they do need basic pathos. So they are humble, what does that make them do?

 

Oh here it is: It doesn't matter how they are different from other marines. If they weren't wearing power armor and living in a monastery, how would anyone know that they are marines at all?

Edited April 19, 2009 by voi shet magir

[Octavulg]

At the moment, he's got a point. While there's hints of distinction, they do need some expansion.

 

Humility would be a fine hook to hang a chapter on, but it'd need more exploration than it's currently given.

[Ferrus Manus]

Now he has explained himself I agree with both Octavulg and voi shet magir, the themes are like whispers in a crowd at the moment and do need to be made louder. As always it's what makes a chapter distinctive, not weird, that makes a chapter more personal. That and making it truely distinctive is a lot harder than it seems, as I'm sure most of the people who have written an IA will agree.

[Ferrus Manus]

Sorry for the double post, I was just wondering if anyone had anything else to add (I've made the edits suggested above) before I edit it into the current article.

[Grand Master Tyrak]

having no tolerance for heretics, more so than other chapters, who they often brought, swiftly and brutally, to justice.

 

How does this work, given that the standard tolerance of heretics is zero? Do they engage in their own trials for heresy, not waiting for the Ordo Hereticus to step in so that they can move on to matters more likely to require the attention of Space Marines?

 

This is where the chapter

[Ferrus Manus]

Thanks for the links dude. I've changed the edits, and I've replaced the two Battleships to half of a Sector fleet. Is that enough of should I go the whole hog with the entire fleet, even though the Chapter's fleet will be there to?

[Grand Master Tyrak]

I've changed the edits, and I've replaced the two Battleships to half of a Sector fleet. Is that enough of should I go the whole hog with the entire fleet, even though the Chapter's fleet will be there to?

 

Depends on how big the Ork invasion is. My estimate did account for the stripped-down patrols that would still be needed elsewhere in the Sector.

Even then, the fleet would depend on how big the Sector is. There's quite a few variables that you can fiddle about with.

 

However, I would note one thing. The Imperial Navy is the only branch of the Imperial military to be described as an inevitability. Sooner or later, they will put together the scattered elements of their fleet, whether at sub-sector, sector, or Segmentum level, and they will come and kick your backside across the stars. If it is meant to be a really desperate fight, I would remove the Imperial Navy from the equation altogether, maybe retaining just a light cruiser or a pair of escorts to represent the nearest patrol group and have the Sector Fleet turn up later to rout the Ork fleet. If it's meant to be an assured victory, with the only question being how much of the Chapter dies first, deploy the Sector fleet from the outset.