Thoughts?

[Hrolleif]

So, first off if I posted this in the wrong area I apologize. I've always been a huge fan of the Space Wolf books and been somewhat of a novice writer so I thought I might try to combine the two. So I humbly submit to you, my brothers, some of the saga I have written so far. I'm still writing parts of the prequel and kept those parts out as to keep the storyline somewhat confidential...

 

 

He had been stalking for hours. Silently sneaking up on the beast. The howling wind, blowing snow and mind numbing cold would have long since killed any normal man, but he wasn't any normal, meek human. Hrolleif was a Space Marine, a member of the Space Wolves, and he paid the weather no mind. His fellow Grey Hunter, whom he had served with since Russvik, was close behind. Greik was watching to ensure that nothing caught them unaware.

He hefted the primitive spear he had made earlier that day from some wood that might have been better as tinder, but he wasn't going to waste bolter rounds on the animal or risk breaking noise discipline by activating his runesword. He noted the primitive feel of the weapon just felt good. Besides meat was still a priority, even if it was only a comfort. Those blasted rations weren't going to satisfy forever. Thrusting it forward, the spear sped from his hand, and striking home killed the animal instantly.

Striding forward to look at their quarry Greik proclaimed "Not the biggest animal I've ever seen. But I suppose it'll do for now." He meant nothing by it, of course. The veteran of countless battles and hundreds of campaigns, he had earned his right to be cynical and sarcastic.

"If it displeases you I guess you can thow this one away and go look for something a little bigger." Hrolleif spat back with the same light heartedness his comrade used with him. "No need to be hasty. Would be better, though, if we had some ale to go with this. A gigantic keg of Fenris' best would go down nicely about now." Greik seemed to almost drool at the thought. Hrolleif couldn't argue with that. Unfortunately they weren't back at the Fang. In fact, they weren't even on Fenris at all. His squad had been on this nameless rock for nearly two weeks now. Two blood claw squads were also planetside with one acting as a sort of command unit at a camp somewhere many miles away on the other side of the continent with only two thunderhwaks acting as support and Rune Priest Sturl in command. Fortunately there were ships nearby, close enough to bring reinforcements in mere hours if anything were to arise. So far none of them had found any trace of their prey.

They had been on their way back to Fenris when they had received a destress message some pilgrim ship. He didn't know why this merited an investigation by an Astartes unit on such an apaprently trivial matter when there were Imperial Navy ships in the area, but the Wolf Lord seemed to have thought it worth checking out. And after consulting wih the ship's astropath and Navigator, this system was the closest to where they received the call for aid. And seeing as how no one beyond it had noticed anything, it seemed like a logical starting point for a search. So with Lord Ragnar Blackmane's blessing, they had been dropped off. Didn't matter though, he thought to himself, if there were enemies about, he'd happily cut them off at the neck with his runesword.

Hrolleif prodded the fire, kicking up sparks. Reaching for another stick with rare, but warm meat, he took a bite. Greik was happily snoring across from him. It seemed that he had eaten half the animal himself. The rest of the squad was minding their own business. Lendis was checking his bolter and muttering the rites against corosion. Trell was cleaning his chainsword, again. He seemed to be obsessed with the tool, at least he had showed great skill with it in battle. The other two, Grim and Tas, were off on sentry duty.

+Sergeant, unusual scent coming from the north east.+ Tas reported over the comm-net. Being a Space Wolf meant that their senses of smell and hearing were heightened to almost ungodly levels. Hrolleif stopped mid chew and put the meat back down near the fire. Probably nothing but it wouldn't hurt for him to go take a whiff. He got up and worked his way around the still merrily snoozing Greik and off towards the sentry who had reported the scent.

As he approached Tas' position he couldn't help noticing how dark the night was, the moon that normally lit the sky was completely eclipsed. Giving Tas an eerie shillouette as Hrolleif approached him. Back when they had first received the Mark of Russ, Tas had come frighfully close to turning into that dreaded Wulfen. Sometimes he thought there was still more wolf than man in him, especially after the way he had seen him fight in battles past. But the Preists had declared him fit for duty and he had served with distinction and earned many honors.

Tas gave him a large fanged grin as Hrolleif approached. "The smell isn't that strong, but it comes in fairly decently when the wind is right." As soon as he said that a breeze almost ominously began to blow, and along with it came traces of the mystery scent. What Hrolleif detected set him aback and put a snarl on his face.

[Scout Sniper]

Pretty good, just one thing. In the B&C (or on any online medium) lots of spacing is good, rather than a big block of text. With a big block of text people think "wow I'm not reading that it's too long".

 

Like this, it's just looks better. Can't wait to see the next part.

[Hrolleif]

Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind.

[Mudslinger]

Wow. That is really good. It felt like the Wolves %100...at least what I have read in the Omnibus and such. I could envision it easily from your writing.

 

Only one problem...now you gotta finish this little scene!