chaplaincliff Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 R 121653Z 30164994.M41 TST ASN-A00012000027 ZYBFM DARIAN/MALICUS SUB-SECTOR/WASICAN SECTOR/SEGMENTUM PACIFICUS TO DEPARTMENTO MUNITORIUM CLASSIFIED //N7292.29// REQUEST FOR ASSIST 0001 SUBJ: CHAOS INCURSION A. ADEPTUS ASTART DEFENSE RELEASE IMPERATIVE FOR IMPERIAL PLANETS (PUBLIC LAW 109-364) B. HIGH LORDS OF TERRA REGULATIONS (HLTR) C. ADEPTA ASTRA TELEPATHICA COMUNICATION MANUAL, AATINST M7292.29 1. THIS REQUEST FOR ASSIST CONCERNS THE CHAOS INCURSION PRESENT ON DARIAN/MALICUS SUB-SECTOR/WASICAN SECTOR/SEGMENTUM PACIFICUS 2. COMPOSITION OF ENEMY A. CORUPTED TROOPS PRESENCE (1)DIVISION STRENGTH CORUPTED IMPERIAL GUARD (2)5 IDENTIFIED UNREGISTERED HIGH LEVEL PSYKERS B. UNCONFIRMED DAEMON PRESENCE (1) UNKNOWN NUMBER OR PRESENCE OF DAEMON ACTIVITY/POSSIBLE PSYKER HALUCINATIONS OR CULTIST TRICKS C. CHAOS MARINE PRESENCE (1) 5 IDENTIFIED SQUADS WITH MINIMAL HEAVY SUPPORT 3. PLANETARY GOVERNOR REQUESTS ADEPTUS ASTARTES ASSISTANCE IMMEDIATELY/NEARLY ALL COMMUNICATION LOST/PLANET FALL REQUESTED IMMEDIATELY UPON ARRIVAL 4. IMMEDIATE PLANETARY MILITARY RELEASE AND CONTROL AUTHORIZED 5. FALCUS ERIANT/GOVERNOR MILITANT/IMPERIAL DARIAN SENDS BT NNNN R 121653Z 30172994.M41 TST ASN-A00012000027 ZYBFM CALIN/MARSHAL/BLACK TEMPLAR CHAPTER/ADEPTUS ASTARTES TO FALCUS ERIANT/GOVERNOR MILITANT FOR IMPERIAL DARIAN CLASSIFIED //N7292.29// RESPONSE TO ASSIST 0002 SUBJ: CHAOS INCURSION A. ADEPTUS ASTART DEFENSE RELEASE IMPERATIVE FOR IMPERIAL PLANETS (PUBLIC LAW 109-364) B. HIGH LORDS OF TERRA REGULATIONS (HLTR) C. ADEPTA ASTRA TELEPATHICA COMUNICATION MANUAL, AATINST M7292.29 1. RESPONSE TO REQUEST FOR ASSIST/CHAOS INCURSION PRESENT ON DARIAN/MALICUS SUB-SECTOR/WASICAN SECTOR/SEGMENTUM PACIFICUS 2. STRIKE CRUISER SIGISMUND’S FIST AND ESCORTS EN-ROUTE (1)ETA: 7 DAY TST 3. PLANET FALL COMENCING UPON ESTABLISHED ORBIT 4. PLANETARY MILITARY COMMAND AND CONTROL SEIZED UNDER ADEPTUS ASTART DEFENSE RELEASE IMPERATIVE FOR IMPERIAL PLANETS (PUBLIC LAW 109-370 A) 5. GERENT CALIN/MARSHAL/BLACK TEMPLAR CHAPTER/ADEPTUS ASTARTES SENDS BT NNNN CHAPTER ONE ARIVAL OF THE ANGELS START OF HORROR A POTENTIAL COMMAND 30190994.M41 TST Darian Crusade Command Bridge, Strike Cruiser Sigismund’s fist The ship is under red light for observed night, all internal hatches are sealed the cruiser will reach the system translation point shortly. The morning shift is coming in and finding the status of the vessel, all is quiet and on edge, these men know that they will see combat this day, the Darian Crusade will begin and all hell will break free. Warp, that vile thing we must touch to travel this, the most Holy Imperium, the currents favored us to this most holy of pursuits, the best way to worship the God-Emperor, battle. Marshal Calin paced the command balcony waiting on his Chief of the Ship, who has been on duty for 2 hours now waiting for news that translation was immanent, a servitor skull arrived with a message carried in a dangling grasper, Calin didn’t even need to read it, he knew what it was for, translation. “Grix!” Looking up towards the command balcony Chief of the Ship Grix shivered, that man never lets up “Marshal, translation in 5 minutes. All stations manned and ready, standby thunderbolt wing heated up and ready for launch on termination of translation. Escort fleet reports in same status, we are all in the green to proceed.” Looking back up to the balcony from his status board he was reading grix noted that the Marshal was missing, thinking to himself the Chief of the Ship was wondering how much of that the Marshal actually already know or cared to know. Kifus was leaning on a bulkhead in his squad’s ready room waiting for the claxon to sound that translation was beginning, they had been holed up at ready status for 72 minutes now, he was itching to get some action, he didn’t even see battle last time, those slimy cultists ran at the first sign of the Angels of Death approaching. Just as he was slipping into another of his memories, reliving battles won and lost, Kifus was rudely brought back to reality as the translation claxon sounded and the ready for battle siren went off at once, Kifus hoisted his helmet onto his head and raised his sword, this one was new, the Black Sword, the last Emperor’s Champion had perished in another field of battle, fighting those Accursed Dark Eldar cut down while his back was turned, no way for a man of his stature to fall, it has been two months with no champion. It is Kifus’ turn now, he had the dreams two nights ago, dreams of victory, and sacrifice, dreams given to him by the father of them all the Holy Emperor himself. Kifus approached the Master of Sanctity at meditation yesterday about the Dreams, the entirety of the Crusade was relieved, they now had a new Champion, Kifus was unsure of his ability to match Galison the last Champion, but, Kifus would uphold the honor of the Emperor and accept any Challenge, no matter the odds, as the oaths of the champion contain, he would swear anew every field, every battle with his brothers following in his example. The Neophytes of squad dread claw were restless, this was their first combat assigned to initiates, they had gone through their training, the surgeries where complete, now they had one last trial to finish, the hardest yet, to live through battle. Yaltod wasn’t the smallest or the fastest, Yaltod was the leader of his little group of Neophytes, he could rally them like none of the others, he was destined for command, maybe even High Marshal one day, but he didn’t know that, that was talk amongst the Initiates as the judged and graded the young ones. Yaltod had one goal in mind, survival, he would make Master Carr proud to call him his Neophyte, Yaltod would survive the day, and with luck send some cultists to the horrible end they deserve for forsaking the Emperor in such a way. The door to the hanger opened and five Thunder Hawk transports were waiting, Yaltod followed Carr to their assigned transport and awaited the launch signal, then the fun would begin. 30765887.M41 TST GaerHaert Crusade Classified location Calin stood before Master Chandish, his Initiate trainer, he was unsure of why Chandish had called him into his quarters, but when a Neophytes master calls the Neophtye answers. Chandish was a beast of a man, slow to anger, but quick to wrath, Chandish was twice given the honor of being requested to join the Marshals Sword Brethren and twice he had turned him down saying that as long as he had a student he was in his place, things had changed. Chandish had now been inducted into the Chaplain order, this was too big to deny. Calin understood this and was reticent to the fact that he would more then likely have a new master come nightfall. This was not to be, as Calin waited Chandish Reached into a box and pulled out a helmet, not his, this was older, more ancient. “This, Young one, was my masters helm, a man of great honor and devotion, he is now venerated in the dreadnought holds in this very ship.” Chandish turned and faced the Young Neophyte, “you are now the owner of this helm, this is the first piece of your armor you will now wear, you must earn every last piece of your armor that you shall receive, this is your final task, earn your armor, you may receive it tonight, but you must earn it before me so that I may consider you worthy.” Chandish handed the helm to Calin. “this is your moment Calin remember it, cherish it, for you are now a brother marine, a fully trained weapon to hunt out and kill all those that stand in the way of the Emperor, the xenos, the heretic, the psyker, and the daemon. Stop all these and your job is done, but only when those abominations are eradicated, no sooner.” 30191994.M41 TST Darian, Astartes Beachhead Dread Claw squad, landing zone Cold, the only way to describe Darian is cold. Yaltod walked into the fray ahead of Master Carr, the Cultists where turning into them as if against their very nature, throwing their bodies as weapons against the Astarts dieing so easily to their bolters ad chainswords, Yaltod was horrified, yet relished this chance to fight for the emperor, no matter how horrible or sickening the fight may be. “I will survive” Yaltod let screem “if only for the emperor.” Carr looked over at him and smiled threw his Helmet, “that’s the spirit young one, keep it up and you will be a full Astartes one day, now fight for the emperor like your life depended on it!” the veteran Templar looked over the field seeing as he did a fellow brother fall to a beam of blue and white carr Screamed in a red veiled rage so all may hear “for the emperor” and all that saw pushed ahead taking the beach head so that the armor may be landed, this was going to be a long campaign. Chief of the Ship Grix retired to his stateroom, a closet really, despite the grandness of a strike cruiser, they were built for battle, not comfort. Laying on his cot Grix finally got some sleep, he had not been sleeping well at all these last few nights, the warp he swore was out to get him, it never changed, whenever he was in warp travel he had nightmares, the worst kind really. But last nights were the worst, he only slept all of 30 minutes, and he really could even call that sleep. Thinking of this, Grix thought to consult an apothecary about this when he woke up, heck, he knew he could sleep while out of the warp, at least he never had an issue before. The field was open, a soft frost was spread on the newly harvested grain, and old farm equipment was left to rot and rust in an abandoned corner. That’s when the clouds let go, it was rain, but warm, and the sun, a sun, was shining through the clod cover, he looked up, the clouds were gone, but the rain, it was red now, and thick, it fell slower, bigger drops, less of them came down, but bigger, and red, looking at the ground again he saw the irrigation ditches start to fill, pink at first then crimson, flowing then slowing, flowing again, matching his heart, like a strange pump was affecting a free flowing stream. Looking up again the clouds where there, but in a shape that was unfamiliar, 9 clouds coalescing into a semi identifiable shape, though he couldn’t tell what. Looking back down to the ground trying to find a way out, a meandering path lay in front of him, this path was clear, the rain did not fall on it, the watcher new that if he followed this path he would be safe, Safe in knowledge and power, safe from change. Waking in a cold sweat Grix threw on his bridge coat, and ran to the command room of the Sigismund’s Fist looking out the view screen and seeing Darian in the distance as the great ship hung in high orbit over the planet, he was relieved, they were not in the warp, but the it hit him, they weren’t in the warp. 30192994.M41 TST Darian, Astartes Beachhead Dread Claw squad, landing zone Looking over the diagram laid out on the dirt, Carr saw the room they had to work with was small, they were at the end of a dead-end canyon, this was ideal for a safe spot, the local Imperial guard was a Light infantry Division, and sorely lacking in any ranged artillery, manpower on the other hand was quite good. Chaplain Chandish was laying out the plan on how to seize the mouth of the canyon 3 miles down, bikes and assault troops, this was a normal Chandish tactic, hit hard, hit fast, and let the armor come in later to mop up the rest, Carr liked the plan, but for one thing, he was in one of the mop up units. He wanted to assault, he had the Neophytes to worry about though, at the conclusion to the conference the Land Raiders and other armor was prepared and the assault squads made it to the top of the canyon. The trap was set, but little did they know for whom. The Man sat and watched, the black saucer floated in front of his massive form, runes were etched into his gold and blue armor, mystical runes that seemed to dance and sway to his chanting, he looked up at the corrupted humans the saucer still floating in front of him, go captains, set the trap, the loyalists come, we shall stop them before they interfere with our plans. The battle started well, but then the timed explosives hit, the first strike was swift, the trenches and battlements were cleared and the front was reset to take the secondary lines, then a horn was heard from the valley to the south of the canyons mouth. At the sound the walls collapsed in on the marines in the middle, crushing many where they stood, solidifying the hold of the mouth for the traitors, at least for the moment. Calls for apothecaries where heard as men were being crushed under thousands of tons of rubble, the armor surged forward, mowing down the defense to set up a perimeter around the mouth of the canyon, the bulk of the Astarte came to the aid of the trapped and buried. Rescuing those that they could locate, all but a lowly few were rescued, four were lost to the rubble and another two died of wounds in the Apothecarium on the Sigismund’s Fist. Crack! Yartod Jumped at the sudden noise as a rock fell from 20 feet above them, Carr had just slammed his power fist into the canyon’s wall, causing a shockwave and loosing some large rocks onto the floor. “I, we should have been there, if not Orlis wouldn’t be dead now” Carr turns to Yartod but still raging “this is what happens when we try and take a world without the proper orbital bombardment, we loose precious resources in men, and gear.” Looking at the rest of Dread Claw Carr noticeably calms down, “We are not here to babysit a small world that has a hiccup, we are Astartes, but not just Astartes, we are Black Templar, Sons of Dorn, we follow in the path that the first Emperor’s Champion Sigismund, our first High Marshal set for us, this,” Carr waves his hand showing the world “is not needed to be saved, it has been tainted by Chaos and needs to be Cleansed, only the holy fire of the Emperor can do that.” Looking up as the veteran leader of the Dread Claw squad was going on about the days failures Kifus strode over to the group, “brothers” he nodding at them as they parted to let the honored Astartes through. “this has been a terrible loss, though the best way I know how to honor the memory and glory of the emperor is to bath my sacred blade in the blood of my enemies, if this is wrong, may I by struck down now.” Looking at the Champion long and hard Carr steps forward “of course brother you are right, the emperor chose you wisely, we shall all have glory in the eyes of the Emperor tonight, though this was a waste this day, we lost to many to a foolish plan devised out of haste” looking down, and thinking for a bit Kifus responded sloly “well then brother, do you have a plan, a way to minimize the losses yet maximize gain?” yes, but who would hear me, I am not of the Sword Brethren, I hold no rank.” “but you are a brother Astartes, and I respect that, though your words border on fool hardy young carr.” Marshal Calin strode through the gathering Croud of Brother Marines to face Carr as an equal, or as equal an imposing marine in tactical Dreadnought Armor can look next to a regularly armored Space Marine. Calin was easily ten foot tall in his armor a good 2 feet taller then Carr though for all the size difference, Calin’s soft firm tone brought him down to the level of any Neophyte yet garnered him the Respect of the toughest most hard lined Terminator. Chapter Two Beginning of a Champion stories to be told vows to be taken 30182994.M41 TST Darian Crusade Chapel, Strike Cruiser Sigismund’s fist it was black. pitch black, black as the soul of Horus, or maybe the Armour of the Templars, yes that sounded better,Armour, my Armour, power Armour provided by the Mechanicus, granted by the chapter, blessed by the Emperor. the dark turned red, well not exactly red more like molten steel, or lava fresh from a fissure in the rock. this red started at a point and crew upward as if burning the sky, burning it into a radiant sunrise, but as i looked down the ground, a light green grass was pocked with blast craters and traitor's bodies, all dead or dying, the cries were muted, as if my ears were filled with wax. as i strode through the field i saw a small number of my brothers lying on the field, dead or dying, this turned the air cold as their dying breath left them. i bent down to one who was reaching for me, i pro ceded to give him the final benediction, when the Aquila on his chest started to glow, the glow grew as his form lifted off the ground what was before me was not his form anymore, but that of our father the Emperor, beside him and to the right was his son and our primarch Rogal Dorn and Sigismund the high marshal to his left. the Emperor spoke to me, his words where great though i remember them not, there meaning struck me to the core, as if he spoke straight into my soul, his meaning was simple, i was to lead my brothers into combat as his hands and voice, i was to take his banner as his son Sigismund did at the behest of our primarch, this call struck me to my core, the meaning was so deep i was jarred from my dream, if you call it that, it was a vision, if i have the right to say so, a vision provided by the emperor. kifus finished his recitation of the speech, the master of sanctity, chaplain Chandish stood from the stool he was sitting on in the corner of the chapel on the Sigismund’s Fist. Chandish pulled his cruzious from it scabbard at his wast, the weight of the staff of office felt comfortable in his hands, at this the chaplains swung, stopping centimeters from the chest of Kifus. the chaplain nodded in approval, "good my son, you have passed this first of many tests, though this is the only one you must face from me, that of trust in those in the chapter to be the most loyal and honorable to you, to protect you and never bring direct harm to you." understanding the import of the honor imparted to him kifus bowed his head in acceptance of his fate, that fate which is ultimate death and honor in the eyes of the emperor, the best fate a member of this holy crusade could hope for, that of becoming the champion of the emperor. later that morning a circle of brethren was formed around a naked kifus, his old Armour on a stand in the corner of the this small room, each brother had a section of the crusades best armor, the Armour of the emperor's champion, the armor of faith. the first brother came forward holding the breast plate "do you, brother kifus, vow to always protect the heart of the chapter?" kifus donned the piece, "yes brother, i vow to to always protect the heart of the chapter" the next marine came forward with the leg guards, "do you, brother kifus, vow to always keep the chapter moving forward as the emperor decrees?" "yes, i vow to always keep the chapter moving forward as the emperor decrees" and kifus assembled the legs and boots of his Armour the arms where brought forward in similar fashion, "do you, brother kifus, vow to always carry your brother through the fight as best your ability allows?" sliding his arms through into the armor and donning the gauntlets. "yes, i vow to always carry your brother through the fight as best my ability allows" a final battle brother comes forward holding the helm, "do you kifus, vow to protect, serve, and if the emperor calls for it, die, for the sake of chapter and thusly the Emperor?" taking the helm in his hands and examining it as if for the last time, kifus looks up at this battle brother, "i kifus, vow to protect, serve, and if the emperor calls for it, die, for the sake of chapter and thusly the Emperor." the last man in the room, chaplain Chandish comes forward a sheathed sword in his hands, present it to kifus, "this, kifus, is the sword of faith, it will strengthen you and your resolve, wield it rightly, and true, this last and final vow you shall take to become the missing link our crusade has long been without, the emperor's champion." continuing with his statement Chandish stepped closer to kifus and handed the sword to kifus in the versicle position, kifus grasped the blade by the grip, yet Chandish did not release the sheath. "do you, kifus, as the emperor's champion, vow to uphold the honor of the emperor through service and sacrifice,will you accept any challenge no matter the cost for the betterment of the crusade, will you suffer not the unclean to live for they are the embodiment of heresy and must be cleansed, and will you abhor the witch, for they are the gateways through which chaos flows? will you kifus, do this for the crusade, the chapter, the Imperium, and the father emperor?" looking the master of sanctity right in his eyes kifus repeated back the vow "i, kifus, as the emperor's champion, vow to uphold the honor of the emperor through service and sacrifice, i will accept any challenge no matter the cost for the betterment of the crusade, i will suffer not the unclean to live for they are the embodiment of heresy and must be cleansed, and i will abhor the witch, for they are the gateways through which chaos flows. i kifus, do this for the crusade, the chapter, the Imperium, and the father emperor." at this the chaplain released the blade, looking up at the Aquila emblazoned on the rooms ceiling, father Emperor, i dedicate this brother marine to you as your champion, guide him and protect him, lend him your strength as you have done to the previous champions that fought in your name." looking back down the chaplain proclaimed in a small voice, "it is done, the new champion has been hailed and sealed, we are now ready for battle and victory. 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Marshal Rohr Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 I wouldn't abbreviate CoS as it throws off the suspension of disbelief. Everything else is :D Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/162026-darian-crusade-fluff/#findComment-1903642 Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaplaincliff Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 THANK YOU, edited for quick gramatical error and re-suspension of disbelief, i will edit the first post and mention it in all subsequent posting that i make, the first will remain the story. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/162026-darian-crusade-fluff/#findComment-1903660 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Argos Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Off topic: Looks like somebody knows their GENSER msg traffic format.... OT: It looks pretty good, but I would change the format a little. Tab in paragraphs to make easier reading. Also, I wouldn't put the exact numbers of Deamons, instead put an estimated level at most or just include their presence. IMO stating that their are Deamons there makes me think this is more of a job/request for Deamon Hunters or the almighty "I". Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/162026-darian-crusade-fluff/#findComment-1903668 Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaplaincliff Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 argos, thank you i used to do msg traffic in the uscg. and thanks, i will remove that, that would make for a good plot twist later....maybe possible incursion at the most. edit, more story added and the tabs wouldn't take... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/162026-darian-crusade-fluff/#findComment-1903669 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Hey nice story you got here, i liked it. Except i thought that the templars would describe their last champion in a more honourable way. "the last Emperor’s Champion had perished in another field of battle, it has been two months with no champion." How about held out against all odds, and sacrificed himself in the event that his brothers could continue their mission, e.g. against a warbass or a nobz ( if set against orks ) but you get the idea. Kifus approached the Master of Sanctity at meditation yesterday about the Dreams, the entirety of the Crusade was relieved, they now had a new Champion, Kifus was unsure of his ability to match Galison the last Champion, but, Kifus would uphold the honor of the Emperor and accept any Challenge, no matter the odds, as the oaths of the champion contain, he would swear anew every field, every battle with his brothers following in his example. lol i loved how you used the name of the bt vow in here ;) Also i felt that you story was abit too quick for the effects of the story to sink in, or that was jsut me reading fast which is unusual ^^. Also, i would like to say that you need to write in through the thoughts of a space marine not a human ( e.g. us ^^ ), writing a story from a literally different races idea is very hard, i have been trying to accomplishing this for some time and trsut me it isn't easy. If you would like, we could talk about this more on a pm and exchange ideas or even our stories to learn from each others ideas and develope them. Good story m8! thanks antique_nova Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/162026-darian-crusade-fluff/#findComment-1903783 Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaplaincliff Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 Hey nice story you got here, i liked it. Except i thought that the templars would describe their last champion in a more honourable way."the last Emperor’s Champion had perished in another field of battle, it has been two months with no champion." How about held out against all odds, and sacrificed himself in the event that his brothers could continue their mission, e.g. against a warbass or a nobz ( if set against orks ) but you get the idea. i changed it, a quick blurb, this is more or less extraneous as i want a new champion for this story, i needed a reason, the old one dying felt good and safe. Kifus approached the Master of Sanctity at meditation yesterday about the Dreams, the entirety of the Crusade was relieved, they now had a new Champion, Kifus was unsure of his ability to match Galison the last Champion, but, Kifus would uphold the honor of the Emperor and accept any Challenge, no matter the odds, as the oaths of the champion contain, he would swear anew every field, every battle with his brothers following in his example.lol i loved how you used the name of the bt vow in here ;) a little irony and it fit more of the fluff, i have a good amount of this type of stuff and plan more as the story progresses. Also i felt that you story was abit too quick for the effects of the story to sink in, or that was jsut me reading fast which is unusual ^^. Also, i would like to say that you need to write in through the thoughts of a space marine not a human ( e.g. us ^^ ), writing a story from a literally different races idea is very hard, i have been trying to accomplishing this for some time and trsut me it isn't easy.If you would like, we could talk about this more on a pm and exchange ideas or even our stories to learn from each others ideas and develope them. Good story m8! thanks antique_nova well the quickness is getting more and more resolved as the story progresses, this is more or less a work in progress, i am consistantly updating the story with further material as i write it, thus the story grows, i am not sure how long it will be in the end, i just write and the story comes. i am not sure how you would go about writing like a space marine, i am just writing, i know my marines are a little different then the every day, but i want more passion, and feeling in them, and less of the hard lined stoicism you see every day. thank you all for the kind words and good advice, keep it coming. and i will keep writing. -chaplain cliff Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/162026-darian-crusade-fluff/#findComment-1903794 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gialus Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Read through it, looks like a good start, though it needs a bit of polish and some spelling checked as others have said. Otherwise I look forward to seeing what happens. . . Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/162026-darian-crusade-fluff/#findComment-1906484 Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaplaincliff Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 second chapter added to the story on post number one Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/162026-darian-crusade-fluff/#findComment-1911818 Share on other sites More sharing options...
antique_nova Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 near the end of the second chapter good tempo and pace, nice vows although i do think that the part with the marines walking towards the e.c could do with more description and how the e.c felt at the time, again good flow and choice of words with his oath, keep up the good work. please read mine and comment on it ^^. thanks antique_nova Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/162026-darian-crusade-fluff/#findComment-1913229 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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