My Traitors - feedback

[Brother Chimp]

Okay - the general idea revolves around a fictional chapter having a renegade third company, which declares a crusade against the Imperium. I plan to make all of these characters myself (and I may be contacting Scribor soon about possibly commissioning them to make Naxos himself on a larger scale like the Primarch minis).

 

So tell me what you guys think about each character so far, and possibly what each of them should look like!

 

Sons of Vulcan: Traitorous Third Company

 

Traitor Company Master: Naxos – Formerly a mighty champion of the Emperor whose stout belief in the ways of the Sons of Vulcan was unflinching. After he was privately counseled by the company chaplain Askel, however, he came to believe that he was to lead a mighty crusade which would see him ascend to immortality. Naxos had his chosen champion (and lieutenant) Harmodius Balaam lead a mutiny on the planet Ferium which saw the loyalist elements of his company murdered by a mighty daemon, summoned by the librarian Udel Festus. Whilst the battle raged on the planet below, Naxos murdered the Inquisitor on board his flagship and declared war on the Imperium of man – since this event many elements of other companies of the Vulcans have turned to Naxos’s rebellion, causing heavy inspection of the chapter by the Inquisition and rumors of a company of Grey Knights being dispatched to kill Naxos himself.

 

Traitor Company Champion: Harmodius Balaam - Famed for his love of the fine Arts and his womanizing ways, Harmodius was under the watchful eyes of the Inquisitor on board Naxos’s ship as he was believed to have had dealings with Chaos worship. Harmodius was dispatched to the planet Ferium before the Inquisitor had time to confront him; Naxos later murdered the Inquisitor to prevent him from informing the loyalist troops on the planet of their imminent death.

 

Balaam himself is said to have wept for three days after the killing of his brothers (whom he later mourned in secret). He swore himself to the leadership of Naxos after the event and the two became sworn brothers.

 

Traitor Company Chaplain: Askel the touched – Askel believed himself to have been touched by the Chaos Gods themselves as they interrupted his prayers to show him a vision of Naxos’s crusade. He claimed that the Heretic Primarchs themselves spoke to him and the speech which he gave to Naxos was entirely comprised of their dictated words. Naxos attempted to kill Askel when he revealed his vision to him, but as he attempted to strike the final blow upon the Chaplain a force beyond his control caused him to discard his Sons of Vulcan blade – which shattered when it hit the ground. Naxos accepted this sign and adopted Askels vision as truth.

 

Traitor Company Sorcerer: Udel Festus – The former chief Librarian of the third company, Udel Festus accompanied Harmodius to the surface of the planet Ferium under the guise of confronting a rampaging Ork Warboss. During the battle Festus summoned a mighty Daemon which began rampaging across the battlefield killing all in its wake – Harmodius and Festus retreated from the battle along with the rest of the traitorous troops, leaving the loyalists to their fate. The position was later bombarded from space to ensure none of them had survived.

 

Traitor Company Captain: Yngvar Archelaus – A true beast of a man, Yngvar believes that his worship of Chaos and following of Naxos’s crusade will allow him to murder the Ork Warboss that was responsible for the destruction of his homeworld. Yngvar spoke against Naxos’s judgement after finding that he had murdered the Inquisitor – which in turn lead to the dispatch of Grey Knights to hunt the traitors, Naxos had Yngvars mouth fused closed to prevent him from speaking against him again – Yngvar now has to option but to follow Naxos’s every command.

 

Plans: Naxos believes that he can destroy the Grey Knights that hunt him and gain favor in the eyes of the blood god Khorne – but he is undecided whether to attack his former Chapters home world or confront his pursuers. Every day his numbers bolster as many join his cause, it remains to be seen how serious the Imperium will take his mutiny and what punishment will befall upon the Sons of Vulcan for allowing such an act to take place.

[Brother Chimp]

I wrote a time line guys, hopefully this will help you make more sense of events.

 

Timeline of Events

 

The founding of the Sons of Naxos

 

* High Chaplain Askel of the Sons of Vulcan third company is visited by the Gods of Chaos during his prayers. He is shown a vision by the Daemon Primarchs of First Company Master Naxos leading a crusade against the Imperium.

* Askel tells Naxos of his vision, Naxos attempts to kill Askel but his blade shatters before he can deal the killing blow. Naxos accepts Askels vision and turns to Chaos.

* Inquisitor arrives on Naxos’s ship, sent to inspect Company Champion Harmodius Balaam – fearing he has turned to Chaos.

* The third company arrives at Felium, to purge the planet of a feral Ork Warboss.

* The Inquisitor seeks Harmodius, feeling he has proof that he has indeed turned himself to Chaos – he finds that Harmodius has already departed for the planet along with Company Librarian Udel Festus.

* The Inquisitor requests Naxos’s permission to land on the planet and tells him of his findings – only to be murdered by Naxos himself.

* On Feliums surface Librarian Udel Festus summons a mighty Daemon which begins to rampage across the battlefield, he and Harmodius (along with the traitors amoung the company) retreat back on board Naxos’s flag ship – abandoning the loyalist troops to their fate. The position is then bombarded from space.

* Word reaches the Imperium that the Inquisitor has been murdered, Grey Knights are sent to kill Naxos in fear he seeks ascension.

* Terminator Captain Yngvar Archelaus questions whether it was right to kill the Inquisitor – his mouth is fused shut along with the soldiers under his command.

* Naxos cannot decide whether to attack his Chapters home world – confident other companies will join him – or to confront the Grey Knights that pursue him.

* Now heavily involved with Chaos sorcery, Chaplain Askel has a vision of Naxos defeating the Grey Knights whilst adorned in ornate armor of Khorne.

* Naxos defeats the Grey Knights and is blessed with an ornate magical power fist, the power of which he is yet unsure.

* The Sons of Vulcan are restricted to their homeworld while the Inquisition plans to decimate their ranks, in fear of further rebellion. The marines in the chapter begin to feel that Chapter Master Tiberius has failed to defend them from death at the hands of the Inquisition.

* Naxos attacks the planet Vulcan under the guise of saving his brothers – he murders Master Tiberius and the Inquisitors but meets resistance only from the first, second and ninth companies of the Sons of Vulcan.

* The Sons of Vulcan abandon the planet Vulcan under Naxos’s leadership and adopt Felium as their temporary home world.

* Naxos renames Felium to Thaxis

* The Sons of Vulcan are renamed to the Sons of Naxos – he is declared the savior of the Chapter.

* Naxos purges each company of every soldier who is feared to remain loyal to the Emperor.

* Naxos’s crusade begins.