The Godslayers

[Tyrannicide]

THE GODSLAYERS

”Our Presence Remakes the Past.”

ORIGINS

F

ounded in the closing years of the forty-first millennium, the Godslayers have advanced ever onwards and become a righteous hammer whose name brings fear and torment alike to the Imperium’s wicked foes. The Godslayers are a young and vital Chapter, and while their eagerness has manifested to be costly, they are fervent in their endeavors to prove themselves to be the equal of their brother Astartes.

After the High Lords of Terra proclaimed that there would be a twenty-sixth founding of the Adeptus Astartes, one of the Chapters was chosen to be stationed in the far reaches of the Ultima Segmentum region of Imperial space. There would be a founding cadre of Space Marines that would train and lecture this adolescent Chapter in the methods of war. These few grizzled and war-tested veteran Astartes were chosen from a successor of the Ultramarines Chapter, whose gene-seed was exempt from any traces of taint, the Sons of Orar.

The Sons of Orar hailed from the world of Armato, located in the far reaches of the galactic east. The Space Marine appointed to take command of the newborn Chapter was a Son of Orar by the name of Tiberion. He was a dour and taciturn commander, yet under his unwavering leadership the Godslayers progressed swiftly and became a force of fiery retribution. Tiberion believed that the utter destruction of the Emperor’s foes and ultimate victory for the Imperium would stem from the teachings of Orar and Roboute Guilliman.

With these firm convictions decreed, Tiberion set forth to carve a brazen swathe through the ranks of the enemies of Man. He elected to name his warriors the Godslayers, because of their fearsome reputation in the fires of battle and the remarkable success they had accomplished in defeating their formidable adversaries. After the Chapter had grown to a notable size, Tiberion and the Godslayers traveled deep into the Ultima Segmentum, slaughtering many foes and bringing the Emperor’s light to the Sector. The Chapter would then arrive on the dusky surface of a planet engulfed in a continental shattering war, the galactic star charts referred to this bruised world as Tyrus Prime.

HOMEWORLD

I

t wasn’t by chance that the Godslayers found Tyrus in the darkness of space. After transmitting a distress signal sent out by the Planetary Governor of the world, Tiberion and his Godslayers would venture into the sub-sector, which was thrown into the midst of this bloodstained campaign. After bringing several affected worlds back under the Imperium’s rule, the Godslayers traveled to Tyrus where their true test awaited.

The diabolical forces of Chaos were at work on Tyrus. The Tyran people were not yet defeated, and continued to follow the long path to victory. United, the planet’s populace took up arms against the Chaos-cults that had infested their planet. The cults were led by the corrupt and nefarious Chaos Warlord, Philotanus the Golden Hearted. There was another being that had fell to Chaos and had sided with Philotanus. The very Planetary Governor that sent for aid of the Chapter, was corrupted beyond recognition, the vice-ridden man who had once sworn to protect Tyrus in the Emperor’s name, had spat on his oath and was a traitor to the Imperium.

Upon learning this information, Tiberion brought about an instantaneous reckoning, which has since been numerously scribed in the annals of the Imperium. Before executing the Planetary Governor and destroying his corrupted Planetary Defense Force, the Godslayers joined forces against the sinister Chaos Marines led by Philotanus, from the traitor Legion of Horus the betrayer. The Black Legion fought on with determination, and was assisted by their dark gods, but it was a lost undertaking from the beginning. Space Marine clashed with Space Marine, blade struck battle plate, and bolter rounds punched through ceramite armor, but the Godslayers prevailed and were victorious over Philotanus and his traitor warband. They had restored the Emperor’s Light on Tyrus, though in doing so the Chapter had sustained horrific losses.

Tiberion saw that he needed to rebuild his wounded and battered Chapter, and the people of Tyrus had earned his trust and approval. The Tyrans were a vigorous and determined brand of people, bred in the fires of combat. The Chapter Master honored these qualities and the Godslayers soon took control of the world. After two decades of fighting the Imperium’s countless enemies, the Godslayers had ultimately found a world that could birth the future sons of the Chapter, the small but stalwart planet of Tyrus.

Tyrus is a well-defended and civilized agri-world located in the Ultima Segmentum. After cleansing the planet of the Chaos filth that had once infected it, Tiberion and his Godslayers modeled the planet into a facsimile of the grand world of Macragge, believing it would appease the Emperor and Guilliman. Tyrus has strong trading relations with many Rogue Traders and is occasionally visited by members of the Imperium’s numerous organizations. The Godslayers fortress monastery is located on the planet’s single, barren moon named Cradlehold.

Cradlehold is a lifeless rock on which the Godslayers built their fortress monastery, which is buried deep into the side of the moon. The Chapter’s fortress monastery is where the Godslayers house their Apothecarion, Armory, Chapels, Librarium, and Chapter training grounds. Each Company has a Chapel dedicated for its use and this is where the Company stores its many battle honors and relics. It is from the small moon of Cradlehold, that the Chapter launches all campaigns and crusades, while the planet below their gaze spawns the many recruits that compete to be accepted into the ranks of the Godslayers.

When recruiting individuals for the future of the Chapter, Space Marines generally led by a Chaplain and Apothecary will travel to the surface of Tyrus to seek out potential candidates. They will arrange tedious contests and trials in which the adolescents of Tyrus will compete. Tests of strength, courage, and mind are common, as well as gladiatorial combats. Any aspirants that show these qualities and survive the contests, are screened for any traces of taint and accompany the Godslayers back to their mysterious Thunderhawks and await transit to the fortress monastery. Once the aspirants arrive the Apothecaries will inspect them scrupulously and if the candidate is deemed worthy of entrance to the Chapter, they will instruct them to proceed to the Chapter barracks. This is where they will begin their long and arduous journey to become a fellow Godslayer Space Marine.

COMBAT DOCTRINE

E

xemplars without peer in following the dogmatic ideas laid down in the Codex Astartes, the Godslayers adhere to its word feverishly in times of war. When any elements of the Chapter mobilize for battle, the Chapter Master chooses which Companies or strike force will take to the field of engagement. In many cases a small Demi-Company led by a Senior Sergeant may be better suited in vanquishing a particular foe, as opposed to half the might of the Godslayers assembling for an open war.

The Chapter follows the tenets described in the epitome of the Codex Astartes, and adjusts rapidly, so that a challenging situation transforms into the simplest of orthodox training drills. The most common tactic that the Godslayers will utilize is the effective drop pod assault. Once the Chapter has engaged a foe, Deathwind drop pods will be launched from an orbiting ship at the planets surface to pinpoint accurate locations. These empty pods will open up and expend their weapon payloads into the foe, before deactivating. Stunning the enemy with the first attack of the Deathwinds, the next wave will arrive. Additional drop pods will then hurl toward the surface at immense, supersonic speeds on the hot tail of the first wave, before colliding with the solid ground and will release their deadly cargo of troops, the fierce Angels of Death.

When drop pod assaults are not an option, the alternative sometimes will lead to a Thunderhawk attack. Thunderhawks will deploy all matter of Space Marine troops and vehicles and will form the basis of the Astartes air support. This tactic is more suited toward a longer campaign and is used when cutting off the enemy’s head, will not triumph or conquer the foe.

Tactical Marines form the basis of the Adeptus Astartes fighting force, and these squads are generally used in a flexible role. Tactical Squads will lay down covering fire, advance upon enemy positions, or even lead strong counterattacks against a foe. Assault Marines are used in a surgical role and will engage the enemy in close spaces, using their fatal close combat weapons to succeed in their objective. Devastators will provide a defensive line of Space Marines that are willing to give up their hand-to-hand combat skillfulness for a more powerful set of ranged weapons, such as a missile launcher or heavy bolter.

ORGANIZATION

R

ightfully led by the Chapter Master, the Godslayers are a perfect fighting force, ready to respond to any threat to the Imperium. The Chapter is organized into ten Companies of a hundred Space Marines each, and is accompanied by a large section of the Chapter Command. The Headquarters are composed of the Chapter Master and his staff including the Godslayers Honor Guard and the Master of Sanctity. The Chapter’s serfs and servitors are also included in this section of the Organization as laid down in the Codex.

The Armory, Apothecarion, Fleet Command, and Librarius are a separate section of the Chapter, each providing its own value to the Godslayers. The Armory is made up of the Chapter’s Techmarines, tech servitors, and vehicles including the Predator, Vindicator, and Whirlwind battle tanks, as well as the awesome might of the Land Raiders. The Apothecarion provides the Godslayers with their future as it houses the Apothecaries of the Chapter, who keep the Space Marines health in superlative conditions. The Fleet Command is composed of the Godslayers fleet, including their lone Battle Barge, The Defiant Blade, as well as the Strike Cruisers, Strike Vessels, and Thunderhawk Gunships. The Libarius contains the Chapter’s extensive Librarium, where all of the Godslayers history is stored in data-banks. Some of the Chapter’s most powerful individuals can be found here, the Librarians. These immensely powerful psykers are a potent part of the Astartes organization, and without them the Chapter’s history would be lost forever. When not engrossed in a conflict, the Librarians scribe and note every piece of history the Godslayers make for themselves, including the campaigns and battle-brothers involved.

The ten Companies of the Godslayers are each led by a Captain who has owed many years of service to the Chapter. These are the most experienced leaders of the Chapter, each have served on countless battlefields. Each Company also has a Chaplain, who is the spiritual leader of the Chapter, and an Apothecary, who is a Company specialist that provides any medical aid needed.

The First Company of the Godslayers are known as the Immortals. These daunting warriors are the most accomplished warriors the Chapter has to offer. Throughout the Chapter’s history, the Immortals have never fought together as a whole and are split up into smaller detachments that deploy alongside the strike forces that are most commonly used by the Godslayers. The Godslayers First Company have sixteen honored and blessed suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armor and these precious items are exclusively used by the Immortals paragons of war, including the First Captain. The Chapter’s Techmarines look after these suits with great care and see them as great relics themselves. Any Godslayer will go to great lengths to salvage any suit of Terminator Armor and will often risk their life to return it to the Chapter’s care.

The second through fifth Companies are known as the Battle Companies of the Chapter. These Companies contain a mixture of Space Marines. There are six Tactical Squads, two Assault Squads, and two Devastator Squads for every battle company, as described in the Codex Astartes. The sixth through ninth Companies are called the Reserve Companies. These are composed of battle-brothers who specialize in a number of tactics and equipment. The sixth and seventh companies are the Tactical Reserve of the Chapter, who are trained to utilize the Godslayers Bikes and Land Speeder support. The eighth is the Chapter’s Assault Company made up of one hundred Assault Marines, while the Ninth is the Devastator Company, respectively made up of one hundred Devastator Marines. The final tenth Company of the Godslayers is the Scout Company, or the Godslayers new recruits who have received all implants excluding the Black Carapace. This final Company is organized into Scout Squads who are used in a similar manner to the Immortals. The Scouts are divided into small squads who are used for reconnaissance, and patrol ahead of a Company or strike force.

BELIEFS

C

hapter Master Tiberion would say minutes before his eventual and heroic death, that the Imperium would rid itself of war when the Heretic, Mutant, and Xeno were cleansed from the Galaxy. The Godslayers have since lived by a similar creed to exterminate all of Mankind’s enemies.

Captains of the ten companies work together in conjunction with the Chapter Master closely, and follow his every command. Imposingly, the Godslayers have had past conflicts with the Inquisition and the Ecclesiarchy, and although the tensions are harsh, the Chapter has never come to blows with another Imperial organization. The Godslayers are sometimes seen as arrogant and headstrong by their allies, but the brothers of the Chapter share a common bond of closely linked kinship. The ultimate goal of the Godslayers is to unite the Imperium under the command of the Emperor of Mankind. To keep the galaxy clean of Chaotic and Xeno filth is the Chapter’s vision, and by doing so the Godslayers can end their eternal crusade against the Emperor’s foes.

The Godslayers give spiritual patronage to their Primarch, Roboute Guilliman, much like their predecessors, the Sons of Orar do. The Chapter fanatically praises the God-Emperor, while they earnestly attempt to carry out his belief of uniting the universe. Chaplains will lead their brethren in prayer, and if at the fortress monastery, they will perform rites and spiritual ceremonies in the Company’s large Chapels.

From the foundations of the Chapter that Tiberion set, are the warrior-lodges that were established for the new Space Marines to show a common sense of brotherhood with their elder and more experienced battle-brothers. The Godslayers still practice these lodge meetings, where brothers can come to one another and discuss topics of interest or concern, without any standing echelon. The Inquisition perceives these lodges to be pure and clean of taint or forbidden practices, but do not agree with some of the activities that take place within these gatherings. Brothers will sometimes perform marks of their flesh with ritual battle scars to show a warrior’s progression in the lodge.

There are those Godslayers that do not agree with such proceedings and have steadily grown apart from the Astartes that do take part in the lodge. Over the years as the millennium has progressed, the Godslayers have increasingly become more and more divided. Many battle-brothers strongly support the lodge system, while others oppose such teachings. While the lodges were created to fuse the consanguinity of the Godslayers even closer, it has secluded some individuals and whole squads from their Astartes brethren. No matter the toll of the warrior-lodges, the Godslayers will always be a brotherhood and will sacrifice themselves for the betterment of the Imperium and their beloved Chapter.

GENE-SEED

E

very Space Marine in the ranks of the Godslayers contain the lineage and genetic legacy of Roboute Guilliman, the Primarch of the Ultramarines, and the spiritual patriarch of Chapter. The Ultramarines stock is the most flawless of all gene seed and has no genetic imperfections. The Godslayers Apothecaries go to great lengths to ensure a Space Marine’s purity. The Apothecaries only accept the purest neophytes that their homeworld of Tyrus has to offer and demand faultless training so that the neophytes bodies will accept the Space Marine implants. In the two hundred and fifty years that the Chapter has proven its service and worthiness to the galaxy, there has been no case of any Godslayer turning to the dark teachings of Chaos, something that brings a profound sense of gratification to the Apothecaries and the Chapter.

[Tyrannicide]

Well, I’ve finally gotten around to completing a foundation for my new DIY Chapter, the Godslayers. It’s good to finally get some of my ideas down and not continue to let them float around in my head. There are many things that could be improved upon, so I’ll be updating the first post from here on out with added information and more instances of the Chapter’s character. I’m currently debating against keeping or changing some of the names in the article, as I feel they could be better. So some things are subject to change. I think this is a solid core for the article and would like to know what you generally think of the Godslayers so far.

 

Thanks for viewing this thread, and I hope to see these guys grow quickly,

Darth. ^_^

[Marshal Rohr]

Alright Bro, you know we are tight, so I am just trying to help. Ignore me if you want, I would understand.

 

Founded in the closing years of the forty-first millennium, the Godslayers have advanced ever onwards and become a righteous hammer whose name brings fear and torment alike to the Imperium’s wicked foes. The Godslayers are a young and vital Chapter, and while their eagerness has manifested to be costly, they are fervent in their endeavors to prove themselves to be the equal of their brother Astartes.

 

Names can't bring torment. Don;t use the word vital, as it gives a tone of severe importance. While important, not even the Ultramarines are so important that their loss would cripple the Imperium. Every loss is a blow, but not fatal, which goes hand-in-hand with vital. Do you know what I mean?

 

After the High Lords of Terra proclaimed that there would be a twenty-sixth founding of the Adeptus Astartes, one of the Chapters was chosen to be stationed in the far reaches of the Ultima Segmentum region of Imperial space. There would be a founding cadre of Space Marines that would train and lecture this adolescent Chapter in the methods of war. These few grizzled and war-tested veteran Astartes were chosen from a successor of the Ultramarines Chapter, whose gene-seed was exempt from any traces of taint, the Sons of Orar.

 

Try to work on the wording so it is less clunky, ask Mol if he can help. It isn't bad but it isn't smooth. Nice use of an obscure but still well known Chapter for the Cadre.

 

The Sons of Orar hailed from the world of Armato, located in the far reaches of the galactic east. The Space Marine appointed to take command of the newborn Chapter was a Son of Orar by the name of Tiberion. He was a dour and taciturn commander, yet under his unwavering leadership the Godslayers progressed swiftly and became a force of fiery retribution. Tiberion believed that the utter destruction of the Emperor’s foes and ultimate victory for the Imperium would stem from the teachings of Orar and Roboute Guilliman.

 

Ok, while I like the bit about Tiberion, it seems most chapters first Masters are dour and taciturn :P . Go more in depth with his character but keep it short. Maybe, a short snippet about an experience that made him dour or taciturn. Like a campaign that claimed the majority of his company, or a particularly haywire mission that resulted in the needless deaths of Chapter members, or even a failed oath. Just remember to keep ti short and relevant. I do like the part about his beliefs, but try to expand on it as well. Basically, say it better and shorter :) . Do as I say, not as I do!

 

With these firm convictions decreed, Tiberion set forth to carve a brazen swathe through the ranks of the enemies of Man. He elected to name his warriors the Godslayers, because of their fearsome reputation in the fires of battle and the remarkable success they had accomplished in defeating their formidable adversaries. After the Chapter had grown to a notable size, Tiberion and the Godslayers traveled deep into the Ultima Segmentum, slaughtering many foes and bringing the Emperor’s light to the Sector. The Chapter would then arrive on the dusky surface of a planet engulfed in a continental shattering war, the galactic star charts referred to this bruised world as Tyrus Prime.

 

Get rid of the first part or rewrite it. It could definitely do with a re-write. All Marine have a fearful reputation, what makes the Godslayers unique? Remarkable sounds like people were not expecting them to do well, 'and the great success' or something more generic, to show they are doing well, but arn't the B3ZT EV0R! Get rid of the 'growth to a notable size', and replace it with something describing them being at full strength. Segmentum or Sector? Which is it?

 

The continental shattering war is a bit to apocalyptic. Just briefly described the rough nature of the war that shapes their character. And what is Dusky? Don't use the word bruised referring to the conflict, use it referring to the color. Reword the 'refer to it as' line.

 

 

It wasn’t by chance that the Godslayers found Tyrus in the darkness of space. After transmitting a distress signal sent out by the Planetary Governor of the world, Tiberion and his Godslayers would venture into the sub-sector, which was thrown into the midst of this bloodstained campaign. After bringing several affected worlds back under the Imperium’s rule, the Godslayers traveled to Tyrus where their true test awaited

 

Which sub-sector? Campaing can't be blood stained. Bloody? Yes. Get rid of 'affected worlds' and use afflicted or something dark sounding. You are 'affected' by being bumped. Again, some polishing will do you good.

 

The diabolical forces of Chaos were at work on Tyrus. The Tyran people were not yet defeated, and continued to follow the long path to victory. United, the planet’s populace took up arms against the Chaos-cults that had infested their planet. The cults were led by the corrupt and nefarious Chaos Warlord, Philotanus the Golden Hearted. There was another being that had fell to Chaos and had sided with Philotanus. The very Planetary Governor that sent for aid of the Chapter, was corrupted beyond recognition, the vice-ridden man who had once sworn to protect Tyrus in the Emperor’s name, had spat on his oath and was a traitor to the Imperium.

 

Polish.

 

Upon learning this information, Tiberion brought about an instantaneous reckoning, which has since been numerously scribed in the annals of the Imperium. Before executing the Planetary Governor and destroying his corrupted Planetary Defense Force, the Godslayers joined forces against the sinister Chaos Marines led by Philotanus, from the traitor Legion of Horus the betrayer. The Black Legion fought on with determination, and was assisted by their dark gods, but it was a lost undertaking from the beginning. Space Marine clashed with Space Marine, blade struck battle plate, and bolter rounds punched through ceramite armor, but the Godslayers prevailed and were victorious over Philotanus and his traitor warband. They had restored the Emperor’s Light on Tyrus, though in doing so the Chapter had sustained horrific losses.

 

Ah, don't add you Chapter to Imperial Annals. Add this particular combat to your Chapters Annal's of Awesome victories or something suitable. And Polish.

 

Tiberion saw that he needed to rebuild his wounded and battered Chapter, and the people of Tyrus had earned his trust and approval. The Tyrans were a vigorous and determined brand of people, bred in the fires of combat. The Chapter Master honored these qualities and the Godslayers soon took control of the world. After two decades of fighting the Imperium’s countless enemies, the Godslayers had ultimately found a world that could birth the future sons of the Chapter, the small but stalwart planet of Tyrus.

 

Honestly, I don't know how a planet with a Chaos cult would be a good Chapter Planet, unless say, some barbarians or people from another continent completely separated and unrelated, overthrew the foul corrupted citizens of the other parts of their planet, and that proved their loyalty and worth. Then the Godslayer drew from THAT population. Like if it was earth and the Africans were the only one who remained true to the Emperor and over threw everyone else. Does that make sense?

 

Tyrus is a well-defended and civilized agri-world located in the Ultima Segmentum. After cleansing the planet of the Chaos filth that had once infected it, Tiberion and his Godslayers modeled the planet into a facsimile of the grand world of Macragge, believing it would appease the Emperor and Guilliman. Tyrus has strong trading relations with many Rogue Traders and is occasionally visited by members of the Imperium’s numerous organizations. The Godslayers fortress monastery is located on the planet’s single, barren moon named Cradlehold.

 

Uh, don't do the Ultra worhsip or mimicry. It is either too over done or too weak. Maybe mention they use Macragge as an example, but arn't a copy. Having them be a copy is kind of weak. Maybe have them use Macragge AND another Chapters homeworld as an example. Or better yet, use a completely made up CHapter, so you can have control over it.

 

Cradlehold is a lifeless rock on which the Godslayers built their fortress monastery, which is buried deep into the side of the moon. The Chapter’s fortress monastery is where the Godslayers house their Apothecarion, Armory, Chapels, Librarium, and Chapter training grounds. Each Company has a Chapel dedicated for its use and this is where the Company stores its many battle honors and relics. It is from the small moon of Cradlehold, that the Chapter launches all campaigns and crusades, while the planet below their gaze spawns the many recruits that compete to be accepted into the ranks of the Godslayers.

 

Cool, polish, but cool. I like the individual Chapels. We used to have trophy cases in the company area, so its kind of a personal thing :D .

 

When recruiting individuals for the future of the Chapter, Space Marines generally led by a Chaplain and Apothecary will travel to the surface of Tyrus to seek out potential candidates. They will arrange tedious contests and trials in which the adolescents of Tyrus will compete. Tests of strength, courage, and mind are common, as well as gladiatorial combats. Any aspirants that show these qualities and survive the contests, are screened for any traces of taint and accompany the Godslayers back to their mysterious Thunderhawks and await transit to the fortress monastery. Once the aspirants arrive the Apothecaries will inspect them scrupulously and if the candidate is deemed worthy of entrance to the Chapter, they will instruct them to proceed to the Chapter barracks. This is where they will begin their long and arduous journey to become a fellow Godslayer Space Marine.

 

Tedious is a bad word. And mortal combat is never tedious :D. Unless your Lucius. Polish.

 

 

Exemplars without peer in following the dogmatic ideas laid down in the Codex Astartes, the Godslayers adhere to its word feverishly in times of war. When any elements of the Chapter mobilize for battle, the Chapter Master chooses which Companies or strike force will take to the field of engagement. In many cases a small Demi-Company led by a Senior Sergeant may be better suited in vanquishing a particular foe, as opposed to half the might of the Godslayers assembling for an open war.

 

Wait, they can't be more Codex than the Ultramarines. Lose the choosing portion, as thats how it works for everyone. Polish.

 

The Chapter follows the tenets described in the epitome of the Codex Astartes, and adjusts rapidly, so that a challenging situation transforms into the simplest of orthodox training drills. The most common tactic that the Godslayers will utilize is the effective drop pod assault. Once the Chapter has engaged a foe, Deathwind drop pods will be launched from an orbiting ship at the planets surface to pinpoint accurate locations. These empty pods will open up and expend their weapon payloads into the foe, before deactivating. Stunning the enemy with the first attack of the Deathwinds, the next wave will arrive. Additional drop pods will then hurl toward the surface at immense, supersonic speeds on the hot tail of the first wave, before colliding with the solid ground and will release their deadly cargo of troops, the fierce Angels of Death.

 

Their is no epitome of the Codex. Training Battle Drills. All Space Marines commonly use the Drop Pod assault. And don't describe it, most player know how it works :D . IME, passages describing tactics take up space that could be better used. Polish.

 

When drop pod assaults are not an option, the alternative sometimes will lead to a Thunderhawk attack. Thunderhawks will deploy all matter of Space Marine troops and vehicles and will form the basis of the Astartes air support. This tactic is more suited toward a longer campaign and is used when cutting off the enemy’s head, will not triumph or conquer the foe.

 

Reword it, as this paragraph makes it sound like they exclusively use Drop Pods, which isn't what the previous part said. Polish.

 

Tactical Marines form the basis of the Adeptus Astartes fighting force, and these squads are generally used in a flexible role. Tactical Squads will lay down covering fire, advance upon enemy positions, or even lead strong counterattacks against a foe. Assault Marines are used in a surgical role and will engage the enemy in close spaces, using their fatal close combat weapons to succeed in their objective. Devastators will provide a defensive line of Space Marines that are willing to give up their hand-to-hand combat skillfulness for a more powerful set of ranged weapons, such as a missile launcher or heavy bolter.

 

You are reaching for content with this. A small IA isn't a bad thing. I would remove it.

 

 

Rightfully led by the Chapter Master, the Godslayers are a perfect fighting force, ready to respond to any threat to the Imperium. The Chapter is organized into ten Companies of a hundred Space Marines each, and is accompanied by a large section of the Chapter Command. The Headquarters are composed of the Chapter Master and his staff including the Godslayers Honor Guard and the Master of Sanctity. The Chapter’s serfs and servitors are also included in this section of the Organization as laid down in the Codex.

 

If you can, get rid of this for the same reasons above.

 

The Armory, Apothecarion, Fleet Command, and Librarius are a separate section of the Chapter, each providing its own value to the Godslayers. The Armory is made up of the Chapter’s Techmarines, tech servitors, and vehicles including the Predator, Vindicator, and Whirlwind battle tanks, as well as the awesome might of the Land Raiders. The Apothecarion provides the Godslayers with their future as it houses the Apothecaries of the Chapter, who keep the Space Marines health in superlative conditions. The Fleet Command is composed of the Godslayers fleet, including their lone Battle Barge, The Defiant Blade, as well as the Strike Cruisers, Strike Vessels, and Thunderhawk Gunships. The Libarius contains the Chapter’s extensive Librarium, where all of the Godslayers history is stored in data-banks. Some of the Chapter’s most powerful individuals can be found here, the Librarians. These immensely powerful psykers are a potent part of the Astartes organization, and without them the Chapter’s history would be lost forever. When not engrossed in a conflict, the Librarians scribe and note every piece of history the Godslayers make for themselves, including the campaigns and battle-brothers involved.

 

The ten Companies of the Godslayers are each led by a Captain who has owed many years of service to the Chapter. These are the most experienced leaders of the Chapter, each have served on countless battlefields. Each Company also has a Chaplain, who is the spiritual leader of the Chapter, and an Apothecary, who is a Company specialist that provides any medical aid needed.

 

Cut this too, you don't need to explain Codex Organization in an IA.

 

The First Company of the Godslayers are known as the Immortals. These daunting warriors are the most accomplished warriors the Chapter has to offer. Throughout the Chapter’s history, the Immortals have never fought together as a whole and are split up into smaller detachments that deploy alongside the strike forces that are most commonly used by the Godslayers. The Godslayers First Company have sixteen honored and blessed suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armor and these precious items are exclusively used by the Immortals paragons of war, including the First Captain. The Chapter’s Techmarines look after these suits with great care and see them as great relics themselves. Any Godslayer will go to great lengths to salvage any suit of Terminator Armor and will often risk their life to return it to the Chapter’s care.

 

Keep the name. I don't care who gives you crap about it being unoriginal or overused. Keep it. I think it is a cool little touch. It has the same BA ring as 'Rangers lead the Way'. Maybe include something about how every time one dies, their name goes somewhere, making them 'immortal', so while the obviously can die, they live on forever or something.

 

The second through fifth Companies are known as the Battle Companies of the Chapter. These Companies contain a mixture of Space Marines. There are six Tactical Squads, two Assault Squads, and two Devastator Squads for every battle company, as described in the Codex Astartes. The sixth through ninth Companies are called the Reserve Companies. These are composed of battle-brothers who specialize in a number of tactics and equipment. The sixth and seventh companies are the Tactical Reserve of the Chapter, who are trained to utilize the Godslayers Bikes and Land Speeder support. The eighth is the Chapter’s Assault Company made up of one hundred Assault Marines, while the Ninth is the Devastator Company, respectively made up of one hundred Devastator Marines. The final tenth Company of the Godslayers is the Scout Company, or the Godslayers new recruits who have received all implants excluding the Black Carapace. This final Company is organized into Scout Squads who are used in a similar manner to the Immortals. The Scouts are divided into small squads who are used for reconnaissance, and patrol ahead of a Company or strike force.

 

Lose the Codex organization.

 

 

Chapter Master Tiberion would say minutes before his eventual and heroic death, that the Imperium would rid itself of war when the Heretic, Mutant, and Xeno were cleansed from the Galaxy. The Godslayers have since lived by a similar creed to exterminate all of Mankind’s enemies.

 

Nice. Polish.

 

Captains of the ten companies work together in conjunction with the Chapter Master closely, and follow his every command. Imposingly, the Godslayers have had past conflicts with the Inquisition and the Ecclesiarchy, and although the tensions are harsh, the Chapter has never come to blows with another Imperial organization. The Godslayers are sometimes seen as arrogant and headstrong by their allies, but the brothers of the Chapter share a common bond of closely linked kinship. The ultimate goal of the Godslayers is to unite the Imperium under the command of the Emperor of Mankind. To keep the galaxy clean of Chaotic and Xeno filth is the Chapter’s vision, and by doing so the Godslayers can end their eternal crusade against the Emperor’s foes.

 

Ditch Imposingly. Kinship? Biological or Imagined? Lose the no blows thing and the Inquisition thing. Everyone has problems with the Inquisition, they arn't their to be nice! Xenos. THe Imperium is already under the Emperor's control, I believe you mean the lost fragments of mankind? Eternal Crusade? I like it! But not it this context..... Polish.

 

The Godslayers give spiritual patronage to their Primarch, Roboute Guilliman, much like their predecessors, the Sons of Orar do. The Chapter fanatically praises the God-Emperor, while they earnestly attempt to carry out his belief of uniting the universe. Chaplains will lead their brethren in prayer, and if at the fortress monastery, they will perform rites and spiritual ceremonies in the Company’s large Chapels.

 

Spiritual anything but patronage. It doesn't make sense. Get rid of the Chaplain part to, we know what Chaplains do.

 

From the foundations of the Chapter that Tiberion set, are the warrior-lodges that were established for the new Space Marines to show a common sense of brotherhood with their elder and more experienced battle-brothers. The Godslayers still practice these lodge meetings, where brothers can come to one another and discuss topics of interest or concern, without any standing echelon. The Inquisition perceives these lodges to be pure and clean of taint or forbidden practices, but do not agree with some of the activities that take place within these gatherings. Brothers will sometimes perform marks of their flesh with ritual battle scars to show a warrior’s progression in the lodge.

 

WHOA. NO LODGES. NONE. Maybe, they share some kind of something similar, but stay away from the famous stuff. The Inquisition, while all knowing, wouldn't know anything about secret lodges either. Activities? I can't hear that word without thinking of Step Brothers. Polish.

 

There are those Godslayers that do not agree with such proceedings and have steadily grown apart from the Astartes that do take part in the lodge. Over the years as the millennium has progressed, the Godslayers have increasingly become more and more divided. Many battle-brothers strongly support the lodge system, while others oppose such teachings. While the lodges were created to fuse the consanguinity of the Godslayers even closer, it has secluded some individuals and whole squads from their Astartes brethren. No matter the toll of the warrior-lodges, the Godslayers will always be a brotherhood and will sacrifice themselves for the betterment of the Imperium and their beloved Chapter.

 

Again, get rid of the Loken themed brothers. Get rid or alter it. It is so Sons of Horus it isn't funny.

 

 

Every Space Marine in the ranks of the Godslayers contain the lineage and genetic legacy of Roboute Guilliman, the Primarch of the Ultramarines, and the spiritual patriarch of Chapter. The Ultramarines stock is the most flawless of all gene seed and has no genetic imperfections. The Godslayers Apothecaries go to great lengths to ensure a Space Marine’s purity. The Apothecaries only accept the purest neophytes that their homeworld of Tyrus has to offer and demand faultless training so that the neophytes bodies will accept the Space Marine implants. In the two hundred and fifty years that the Chapter has proven its service and worthiness to the galaxy, there has been no case of any Godslayer turning to the dark teachings of Chaos, something that brings a profound sense of gratification to the Apothecaries and the Chapter.

 

Gah, Grand Master Tyrak is gonna be all over you like white on rice :P ! While they haven't been around very long, which may help, I wouldn't go there.

 

So, POLISH, ditch the lodges, and find something unique that makes you different yet the same. Maybe they revere all the Primarchs. Maybe they cut off their right nipple. IDK, but I'm sure you have got something.

 

Again, Ignore me if you want, I wont freak out. :D

 

Hope I helped at all.

[Codex Grey]

I think this is a great start. I'm not really sure if this is what your going for, but the 'feel' I get from these guys is 'super ambitious', which I think is great.

They're a young, generic Chapter, just one of the other thousand or so Chapters in the Galaxy. But Tiberion, son of the famous hero Orar, disciple of the great Primarch Guilliman, vows to create the greatest warriors ever. He names them Godslayers, an incredibly cool and powerful name, but also an extremely ambitious one too. I mean slayers of Gods? That is to me the premise of the Chapter, and I was hoping to see how this ambitious nature was reflected in every part of the article.

 

But as Marshal points out, you spend alot of time on very generic things that we already know. Large parts of the article can be redused, if not cut completely. I would have liked to read more about this ambitious nature, especially how it effects their beliefs and combat doctrine. They follow the codex of course, but maybe in their quest to prove themselves in the name of the Emperor, they do some pretty risky stuff or something.

 

Just some thoughts.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Gah, Grand Master Tyrak is gonna be all over you like white on rice !

 

What about the rest of us? :D

 

Every Space Marine in the ranks of the Godslayers contain the lineage and genetic legacy of Roboute Guilliman, the Primarch of the Ultramarines, and the spiritual patriarch of Chapter. The Ultramarines stock is the most flawless of all gene seed and has no genetic imperfections. The Godslayers Apothecaries go to great lengths to ensure a Space Marine’s purity. The Apothecaries only accept the purest neophytes that their homeworld of Tyrus has to offer and demand faultless training so that the neophytes bodies will accept the Space Marine implants. In the two hundred and fifty years that the Chapter has proven its service and worthiness to the galaxy, there has been no case of any Godslayer turning to the dark teachings of Chaos, something that brings a profound sense of gratification to the Apothecaries and the Chapter.

 

Whether a marine has or has not fallen to chaos from your chapter is not something rightly put into an IA. Of all the marines who go Missing In Action you can say with absolute 100% certainty that none of them have gone renegade? That none of them have repainted their armour after joining the Astral Corsairs or the like? This passage only serves to say "look how awesomely this chapter is, it's better than every other chapter as by defenition all chapters on average would have had at least one member of their brotherhood fall to chaos, or at the least leave the path of the Emperors light, or somesuch.

 

At the moment this is one hell of a stand-out Mary Sue piece and, frankly, that's not terribly good. I don't need to say much else as M2C has, mostly, gotten there first.

 

Didn't see you there Grey. :)

[Tyrannicide]

Awesome, thanks for the feedback everyone. I appreciate all of it and don't take offense to anything, as you are all here to help. I know what you're trying to say by it being very 'generic' and I intend to greatly change the article with revisions throughout these next couple of weeks. I will be finished with school in about two weeks, so I should have much more time to add and remove parts soon. Instead of replying to every piece of advice that I've received, I'm just going for a very general reply right now. I would really like to add more 'character' to the Chapter, something that makes them standout from the crowd without drawing too much attention.

 

I feel I've gotten to an improved point in my writing, but some of my sentence structures are weak. As you can see, this is reflected in the article. I think the biggest sections that are hurting the article are the 'homeworld' and 'beliefs' sections. These are in dire need of being expanded with a wealth of material. Obviously I got carried away on the Organization section and I intend to reduce that greatly, adding the bulk to other parts of the article. I honestly wasn't trying to convey that the Godslayers were 'THE BEZTEZT EVA', rather that they were extremely arrogant. It's part of the reason why I chose such an ambitious name for the Chapter. Clearly, I need to rethink this and go about this in a different manner. I think I can play off of the arrogant with a twist concept greatly, and would like to make it a more prevalent part of the article.

 

Lastly, regarding the Company Chapels; this is solely an idea of Molotov's. I thought it was such a simple yet appealing concept that I really wanted to include it in my DIY Chapter. I think it will add much more character to the Chapter while the article is improved upon, and would like to keep it. I would like to differ them from the Castigators Company Chapels and will be changing them slightly, to show distinction. Hopefully he sees this as a sign of gratitude and not a shameless impersonation of the Castigators.

 

 

Thanks again for the responses and I hope to get some more work done on the article today. :wink:

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Gah, Grand Master Tyrak is gonna be all over you like white on rice :wink: !

 

I guess that's my cue . . .

 

The Grey Knights are unique in that not one of their number has turned to Chaos. By definition, that means every other Chapter has lost at least one member.

 

Chapter Master Tiberion would say minutes before his eventual and heroic death, that the Imperium would rid itself of war when the Heretic, Mutant, and Xeno were cleansed from the Galaxy. The Godslayers have since lived by a similar creed to exterminate all of Mankind’s enemies.

 

Hey, that sounds very similar to the Monodominant faction of the Inquisition. You could tie your Chapter closer to the Inquisition if you want (or use these friendly Inquisitors as a shield against any other Imperial bodies you might plan on bad-mouthing :P ).

[Tyrannicide]

Hey, that sounds very similar to the Monodominant faction of the Inquisition. You could tie your Chapter closer to the Inquisition if you want (or use these friendly Inquisitors as a shield against any other Imperial bodies you might plan on bad-mouthing :) ).

While I wouldn't like to tie the Godslayers into the Inquisition too closely, I would like to use the idea of having close connections with different factions of the Inquisition. For example maybe the Chapter looks at the certain groups of the order in a different light. It's possible that the Godslayers have a tense relation with specific members of the witch-hunting Ordo Hereticus, while they covet to fight alongside members of the alien-despising Ordo Xenos. They would certainly have enemies within the Imperium, but hey, they're a Space Marine Chapter. I think they'd be able to handle a few broken relations.

 

I've been thinking about the Chapter's homeworld of Tyrus, and it's more and more apparent that I'd like to distance it from that certain Macragge ideology that it previously possessed. I've considered completely changing it to more of a mining/hive world, that continues to breed tough, hardy people. I think this second option is much more attractive for a Space Marine homeworld. The main idea is that the planet is covered in about 75% land - 25% water, and has a vast abundance of natural resources that are steadily being consumed by the machine that is the Imperium. Ore mines are scattered across the surface and are controlled by a hierarchy of nobles, who war against each other for control of more resources and land. While this new idea may seem barbaric and unusual, I think I can make it work as the Godslayers will be looking for resilient and aggressive individuals. Each noble has a militia of different worker gangs and troops that provide the labor to keep the mining facilities operational, as well as battle against opposing nobles' forces in a battle over power struggles.

 

Without a doubt, I like this new idea of a divided mining-world better than the first homeworld. What do you think of it?

[Marshal Rohr]

Hive worlds don;t often breed tough people. They can, but mostly it is the sick with a few unique individuals. Warrior cultures will always produce hardier specimens than city-dwellers.

[Tyrannicide]

Hive worlds don;t often breed tough people. They can, but mostly it is the sick with a few unique individuals. Warrior cultures will always produce hardier specimens than city-dwellers.

While that is true, I think that the mining wars that take place on Tyrus will provide more than enough warriors for the Chapter to choose from.

[Marshal Rohr]

Ok well as long as there is some warfare going on.

[Tyrannicide]

Ok well as long as there is some warfare going on.

Oh believe me, I intend to make the mining wars a prominent part of the homeworld section and recruitment methods of the Chapter. I'll go into additional depth and description when I rewrite the homeworld section later, most likely tonight.

[Malegaunt]

I think it looks really good. I like the names and some of the imagery. The others have given it a pretty fair critique, but I just wanted to say that it looks good and I can't wait to see it after some polishing.

[Severus6]

Hive worlds don;t often breed tough people. They can, but mostly it is the sick with a few unique individuals. Warrior cultures will always produce hardier specimens than city-dwellers.

 

I disagree; the terrain may add or subtract to their capability based on the style and enemy being fought but not their overall culture. Hive gangers in Necromunda or large personal House forces that are nothing more than small armys would be an outstanding place to recruit. Ship clearing is nothing more than MOUT in an enclosed space,... small intense maneuvering with extreme violence of action supported by overwhelming firepower. Sounds perfect for Space Marines.

 

Severus6

[Marshal Rohr]

Like Shrike and some IF's are hard core BA Hive Gangers, but I mean in relation to population size. On a Hive world 400 of like 1,000,000,000 would be good enough to be Marines, because of the close proximity, disease, and malnutrition. Whereas in warrior cultures maybe 400 of 1,000,000 would be able. Do you see what I mean? I think Hive Gangers would be even harder than some warrior cultures, but warrior cultures 'could' be able to make the transition easier.

[Severus6]

Ahhh,...population density vs environment,....yes definately.

 

Severus6

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Hive gangers in Necromunda or large personal House forces that are nothing more than small armys would be an outstanding place to recruit.

 

Indeed, the Imperial Fists do recruit from Necromunda.

[Severus6]

While I wouldn't like to tie the Godslayers into the Inquisition too closely, I would like to use the idea of having close connections with different factions of the Inquisition.

 

The big question will be, why do that? Chapters have autonomy for a reason, why would you want to limit that, what gains would you get from it. Being close to the Inquisition is like inviting the devil to dinner, you'll never know for certain that you arent the main course.

 

Severus6

[Tyrannicide]

The big question will be, why do that? Chapters have autonomy for a reason, why would you want to limit that, what gains would you get from it. Being close to the Inquisition is like inviting the devil to dinner, you'll never know for certain that you arent the main course.

 

Severus6

While I agree that the Inquisition could hinder the Godslayers in some ways, I see it as probably one of the most powerful organizations in the Imperium. My question would in turn be, why not invite the Inquisition? If the Chapter had a concrete relation with a certain Inquisitor that they could trust, there's no reason not to call upon him in a time of need, or do a couple favors to get on the Inquisitor's good side. I think it would make their relations more interesting with the numerous factions of the Imperium.

 

For example it is a well known fact that the Godslayers are close to Inquisitor X of the Ordo Xenos. Inquisitor Y of the Ordo Hereticus is a rival of Inquistor X's and knows that X is convivial in his attitude toward the Chapter. He then causes problems for the Godslayers, as he sees them as lapdogs of Inquisitor X. Y does this because he thinks that the Godslayers are too powerful to let be persuaded by his rival Inquisitor. There are so many different scenarios, and in my opinion that tension is needed in the Chapter's relations with other organizations. I think it's something that can make it seem more realistic and add that sense of 'politics' to the Godslayers' relations.

[Gree]

Hive worlds don;t often breed tough people. They can, but mostly it is the sick with a few unique individuals. Warrior cultures will always produce hardier specimens than city-dwellers.

 

Actually they do. the Imperial Fists recuit from Necromunda and the Guard codex notes that the hive dwellers make excclent Guardsmen because the gangers already know how to fight and shoot. The youngest gangers in the underhive, I believe make excellent marine recruits.

 

A hive is not so much as a city but a utter hellhole in which only the strong survive, or at least in the Underhive.

[Severus6]

For example it is a well known fact that the Godslayers are close to Inquisitor X of the Ordo Xenos. Inquisitor Y of the Ordo Hereticus is a rival of Inquistor X's and knows that X is convivial in his attitude toward the Chapter. He then causes problems for the Godslayers, as he sees them as lapdogs of Inquisitor X. Y does this because he thinks that the Godslayers are too powerful to let be persuaded by his rival Inquisitor.

 

The problems I see with that are:

 

1. What happens when their ally dies or fall out of favor, then any or all relationshipe with that Ordo may dry up as well. It takes time and certain circumstances to create those relationships.

 

2. Having to rely on an Inquisitor X to get your Chapter out of trouble with Inquisitor Y is a tenuous ordeal. Granted its good to have friends in high places but eventually they will come calling and ask/demand a favor and they wont want to hear any trepidations towards why you dont or cant do it.

 

3. Finally, if Inquisitor X, who your Chapter has a friendly relationship is found to be less than pious, then you are automatically found suspect. Someplace you dont want to be with those people.

 

Please understand I am not trying to dissuade you from this idea, merely mentioning concerns that I see that may have to be dealt with story wise.

 

Severus6

[Tyrannicide]

Well, I'd like to take the time to let everyone know that I've decided to completely revise this Chapter. It's not that I'm completely scrapping the Godslayers and giving up on them. Quite the opposite, as I actually really like some ideas from these guys and I'd like to insert those into my new DIY. The Godslayers could be improved upon greatly, and I intend to do just that with these new Space Marines. I have a few concepts that I'd like to incorporate, and I think we'll see a much more refined and superior article in the long run. I'd like to thank everyone who gave me feedback on the Godslayers, and believe me I've taken every ounce of advice into consideration, and I'm currently in the 'conceptual stage' of my next DIY. I felt it was necessary to write this post for anyone that was interested in the growth of the Godslayers, and let this thread die quickly.

 

Thanks for your time, I hope to have some rough framework up of the new Chapter shortly. :)