The Flawless Host - Fluffing them up

[Lord Insanity]

[b; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">INDEX TRAITORIS: THE FLAWLESS HOST[/b]

Colours of the Flawless Host

Eleaxus the Flawless

Was there a face so handsome and yet so cruel? Was there ever beauty so hellish? A forked tongue of molten silver tastes the perfumed air, and the rune of She who Thirsts is branded upon his face. Silver hair falls on golden armour, and he bears a daemon-blade in his right hand, the Blade of the Flawless. A thousand deadly venoms it is coated with - a thousand poisons sufficient to kill a man in moments. Fear Eleaxus, for he is the Doom of Man. - Ultima Malefica, suppressed by Inquisitor Malden.

He rapidly fell to Slaanesh with the rest of his Legion, and joyfully participated in the most horrendous atrocities during the Siege of Terra. When the call came from Ezekyle Abaddon to retreat to the Eye of Terror, Eleaxus would not, could not obey. Thus, he fled to Warpstorm Bloodflame, in the Xanthus Subsector of the Segmentum Pacificus, aboard his flagship, The Ecstatic Blessing, and also with the Grand Company that he commanded, preparing to strike back at the Imperium, planning his terrible vengeance for the bitter loss at Terra. He shortly discovered a world within the eternal storm, and named it Eleaxa after himself. There, he made a grand speech, declaring that the 36th Grand Company was now to be known as the Flawless Host, for they had found perfection. Many were shocked at this declaration, but Eleaxus continued, saying that the Emperor's Children were weak to not push perfection to its absolute limit. He lambasted Abaddon, saying that he was pathetic to run away and hide in the Eye of Terror. He even attacked Fulgrim, claiming that he was a coward for fleeing with Abaddon. The Flawless Host would fight the Long War against the Imperium alone if need be, but they would triumph, for they had found perfection in Slaanesh. The Grand Company cheered Eleaxus on as he made his declarations, and as he ended, they kneeled before him as one.

The Word of the Flawless

'The fools and cowards flee to the Eye with Ezekyle Abaddon upon the hour of victory over the false Emperor. Our allies abandon us and we are forced to retreat to this world. I declare thus: we are the Flawless Host, for we have found perfection! No longer will we be shackled to Fulgrim the coward or Abaddon the fool. We are the 36th Grand Company no longer - we are the Emperor's Children no longer. We will fight the Long War unaided if need be, for we are the flawless and we shall triumph!'

Eleaxus spent the next few millennia imposing his will on the various inhabitants of Warpstorm Bloodflame - pirates, reavers, xenos, and worse. Morzdagga was cleansed of the Orks that infested it, and the traitor Forgeworld of Lexias was brought to heel. Before long, Eleaxus controlled almost the whole of Bloodflame, building a strong power base with which to cement his attacks on the Imperium. The first recorded evidence of the Flawless Host was in the investigation conducted by Inquisitor Tallassius into the Malcurno raids. A punitive expedition was sent into the Warpstorm, and destroyed by what many at the time believed to be the treacherous currents in the area. However, the logs of Admiral Sergei (which have been only recently recovered), who led the expedition, speak of favourable currents, followed by sounds of screaming and fighting, and it can be safely assumed that Sergei did encounter the Flawless Host before his apparent death.

Over time, his warband became known as a terrible force of destruction that has become the terror of the Sector. They dominated Warpstorm Bloodflame, aside from a few outliers that refused to submit to him, and still do. Over the years, Eleaxus' pride and vanity have only grown, to the point where he will not suffer himself to be referred to as anything but 'Flawless One' or 'the Flawless', on pain of death by his most subtle and agonising torments. He keeps his Flawless Host in line by their blind and unquestioning devotion to him, and under his unwavering gaze worlds have been destroyed.

Homeworld

Eleaxa, homeworld of the Flawless Host, is a daemon world. Pleasure-drugs fill its perfumed air, and the land apppears to be a vision of paradise, covered in threads of illusion. But all is not what it seems - the land is in actuality a petrified waste, ruined and devastated by the emergence of Warpstorm Bloodflame, haunted by mutant beasts and horrors of pure nightmare. The fortress-cities are the only safe places, and even they are dangerous, filled with vice and depravity, killers that stalk the shadows, cut-throat intrigue and daggers in the back. To live in those cities is to live under the iron fist of the Flawless Host, who rule over vast armies of cultists and slaves, being the high priests in the black temples dedicated to Slaanesh.

The outside of the cities is no better - cultist-gangs, small groups of daemonkin and Chaos Spawn, even escaped slaves, all roam the wastelands, fighting with each other over pointless matters, having neither hope nor faith in their black hearts. From these forces, tempered in the petrified wastelands and the fires of battle, the Flawless Host recruits, taking the strongest and moulding them into true followers of Slaanesh.

The capital of this accursed world is the many-spired city of Shornaal, a vast temple to every form of vice and debauchery. Atop its highest tower, reaching into low orbit and wrought of pure diamond, lies the throne room of Eleaxus the Flawless, master of the Flawless Host. He is the one supreme power on Eleaxa, marshallinglordinsanity@hotmail.co.uk the Flawless Host when the time comes and it is ready to march to war. He rarely leaves it, apart from affairs of state when he is surveying his dominions and the few, terrible times when he leads an attack personally. For now, he is ready to wait, glorying in the praises that are made unto him and preparing his most terrible assault yet.

Eleaxa also has a moon - Superbia, which hangs eternally over Shornaal and is a vast shipyard for the Flawless Host's fleet, as well as a defence station for Eleaxa itself.

Gene-seed

The Flawless Host recruit from across Warpstorm Bloodflame, but the true heart of their efforts lies on their homeworld, Eleaxa. There, on the planet named by their leader, they recruit from the gangs and warbands that roam the wastes, taking the strongest and most worthy and turning them into Marines. They have no qualms about recruiting from men older than 18, and this coupled with their devotion to the Dark Prince almost always causes some minor mutation by the end of the implantation phase, which is taken as a sign that Slaanesh has marked them out for greatness. The Flawless Host use the accursed gene-seed of Fulgrim, and make sure to remove the progenoid glands of their Marines as soon as they are mature. For some strange reason, the gene-seed of the Flawless Host is not dangerously unstable, perhaps because they do not dwell in the Eye of Terror or Maelstrom. Nevertheless, loyalist gene-seed is also used alongside the gene-seed of Fulgrim, particularly from the hated Ultramarines.

A strange mutation in the Flawless Host's gene-seed, doubtlessly caused by the roiling energies of the Warpstorm, gives every Marine silver hair and makes them inhumanly handsome. This is taken as a blessing from Slaanesh by the Flawless Host, and they might well be right.

Organisation

The Flawless Host was once the 36th Grand Company of the Emperor's Children, and now it has 10 Companies of 666 Marines, each divided into 10 Centuries of 66 Marines. A leader of a Century is known as a Centurion, a leader of a Company a Master. The leader of the 1st Company sits at the right hand of Eleaxus, and Eleaxus is known as Master of the Flawless Host, in recognition of the fact that he rules over it in its entirety. The battle-fleet of the Flawless Host consists of many types of ship - some taken from Imperial starports the Host has raided, others ancient Battle-Barges or Imperial Army ships originally attached to the 36th Grand Company, all led by their ancient flagship, The Ecstatic Blessing. Eleaxus also has 6 Chosen, who form his personal guard when he leads an assault.

Combat Doctrine

The Flawless Host prefer to fight in close combat, for unknown reasons, although the most popular theory is that they wish to display their martial prowess. Whatever the reason, once battle is joined they will give no mercy or quarter, killing for no reason but that they enjoy it. Noise Marines are common, like in many other splinters of the Emperor's Children. The Flawless Host take also truly immense amounts of combat drugs, particularly ones that remove all traces of fear and pain, as well as improving their reaction time. Imperial Guard commanders have reported Chaos Space Marines of the Flawless Host taking multiple artillery strikes or suffering wounds that would have crippled other Space Marines and still advancing, without a trace of fear or pain.

http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/warhammer40k/images/9/9f/The_Flawless_Host_Badge.png

Symbol of the Flawless Host

The Flawless Host is almost universally addicted to these combat drugs and are dependent on Eleaxus for their supply, giving them absolute loyalty to him. Daemons of Slaanesh are also commonly used to pin down and distract the enemy while the Flawless Host advance in full glory and splendour. Also, the Flawless Host are known to use large amounts of Chaos cultists and heretics in their attacks, using them as cannon fodder so that the bullets and lasbolts of their enemies do not harm them or damage their armour.

A large number of power weapons have been found in the possession of the Flawless Host, and sometimes even whole squads are armed with them. This is believed to be due to the fact that the Flawless Host all but control Warpstorm Bloodflame, and thus have its entire industrial capacity ready for whatever Eleaxus finds useful. They are also believed to prefer these weapons due to the greater grace and skill involved with their use - far greater than with the cruder chainsword.

For some reason, less Obliterators and Havocs are seen in the armies of the Flawless Host than in other Chaos Marine warbands. The primary theory concerning this is that they see Obliterators as crude and useless, and their focus on close combat leaves them with little Havocs. However, Raptors are heavily used, primarily in conjunction with daemons of Slaanesh to disrupt the enemy and pin them down while the Flawless Host and their cultist hordes advance on them.

Combat reports have noted that the Flawless Host have an unwillingness to retreat, most likely because of Eleaxus' beliefs. If clearly losing, they will continue to fight to the last rather than retreat, and if ordered to fall back, they will attempt a fighting retreat, hurting the enemy even as they fall back to their ships. Sorcerers are also used, occasionally leading lesser raids, more often as lieutenants for the Centurions and Masters of the Flawless Host.

Beliefs

Jhasius the Dark

Jhasius the Dark, Dreadnought of the Flawless Host, was originally Jhasius, Master of the First Company and right hand of Eleaxus. However, he put into motion a plot to betray Eleaxus and supplant his dominion over the Flawless Host, and paid the price when it was discovered. Eleaxus had all the plotters sentenced to death by agonising torment and replaced by more loyal people, but Jhasius he gave special treatment. Jhasius was steadily tortured until he finally begged for death, but that was not enough for Eleaxus. He had Jhasius implanted into a specially prepared Dreadnought shell, tormented eternally in constant pain and yet ever denied the peace of death, compelled to serve the one he hated most.

The Flawless Host, first and above all, believe that they have found perfection, and their master, Eleaxus, especially. They believe that it is only a matter of time until his blessed apotheosis into daemon princehood, and revere him as the 'disciple of the Decadent Prince'. They believe that the only way to perfection is through their dark master's example, and often perform rites to summon daemonettes, especially on the eve of battle. One of their other battle-rites is the taking of immense amounts of combat drugs, as an act of worship to the Prince of Chaos. The Flawless Host see all other beings, excepting daemons (which, when aligned with Slaanesh, are seen as holy) and other Chaos Marines, as little more than ants under their boots, to be killed or used as circumstances and their mercurial whims take them. Loyalist Marines and other Imperial forces are hated above all because they dare to go against Slaanesh, whom the Flawless Host know as the Decadent Prince. They also believe that they are above morality, and that in Slaanesh all things are permissible.

This supreme arrogance has caused them to lose several times, most notably when they underestimated the cunning or prowess of the enemy, but it also makes them a terrible weapon, for the atrocities that this belief in their own perfection causes are many and sickening, and they often spend their time randomly torturing and murdering.

The Flawless Host hate the Traitor Legions, in particular the Emperor's Children, as much as they do the Imperium, seeing them as cowards who fled to the Eye of Terror when Horus fell. The Emperor's Children see the Flawless Host in turn as traitors and renegades, led by a fool who will lead them to destruction. The Flawless Host also reserve a particular hatred for Abaddon the Despoiler, seeing him as the one who fled in their hour of victory, and there is a grand statue in Shornaal of Eleaxus standing triumphant over his dead body, as with the other champions of the Traitor Legions.

Battlecry

'We are the Flawless!'

[Tiberius The Dead]

Sounds cool to me. Taking combat drugs as long as it's in excess would be fluffy as Slaanesh is the god of all thing excessive. Many people will tell you you won't win much w/o oblits but you do need to decide how they will counter armor. I don't think havocs would be out of place as they can be seen as trying to perfect ranged warfare in order to be the best at it. Plus the noise the heavy guns make could please them by touching the sense of hearing. These are just my thoughts though.

[Lord Insanity]

Sounds cool to me. Taking combat drugs as long as it's in excess would be fluffy as Slaanesh is the god of all thing excessive. Many people will tell you you won't win much w/o oblits but you do need to decide how they will counter armor. I don't think havocs would be out of place as they can be seen as trying to perfect ranged warfare in order to be the best at it. Plus the noise the heavy guns make could please them by touching the sense of hearing. These are just my thoughts though.

 

Yes, but I was thinking more on the fluff side of things.

[Telveryon]

These guys have only one true problem, unfortunately it's a rather big one. Namely, what sets them apart from the rest of the Emperor's Children? Barring their preference for melee, but even that's hardly a major difference as the Emperor's Children don't shy away from close combat (see Lucius the Eternal).

[Apothete]

Namely, what sets them apart from the rest of the Emperor's Children?

 

While this really isn't much of an addition to what Games Workshop has already said about the Flawless Host, it is separate from the Emperor's Children.

 

Et voila! The Flawless Host

[Lord Insanity]

These guys have only one true problem, unfortunately it's a rather big one. Namely, what sets them apart from the rest of the Emperor's Children? Barring their preference for melee, but even that's hardly a major difference as the Emperor's Children don't shy away from close combat (see Lucius the Eternal).

 

The Flawless Host are a GW Renegade Chapter with very little background, who I am attempting to write an IA for. As you can see, I've already written a homeworld section.

[XKhalilX]

Insanity, i really like that you are fluffing up the Flawless Host. When I first saw their name in the codex csm I thought "Why didn't I think of that!" The Flawless Host, in my opinion, is one of the slickest sounding names GW has put together. I love their color scheme as well. I am glad to see them getting some love! I expect to see some painted up as well ;)

 

as Telv mentioned earlier, what separates them from the EC? It may not necessarily have to be combat traits or beliefs, it could be something as small as a complete break from the legion in terms of in fighting. Maybe Eleaxus and Lucius had a serious disagreement resorting to blows? Maybe Eleaxus felt the rest of the Children were not pushing the perfection that Fulgrim demanded and praised so highly? A tie in to who Eleaxus was in regards to the legion pre and post heresy I think would be quite interesting. Maybe he and Lucius were quite the rivals before the heresy, always trying to catch the eye of Fulgrim.

 

or maybe the Flawless Host does have beliefs and traits that separate them from the rest of the EC. The ideas are numerous I believe, and I am looking forward to seeing these guys fluffed out :D

[Lord Insanity]

Insanity, i really like that you are fluffing up the Flawless Host. When I first saw their name in the codex csm I thought "Why didn't I think of that!" The Flawless Host, in my opinion, is one of the slickest sounding names GW has put together. I love their color scheme as well. I am glad to see them getting some love! I expect to see some painted up as well ;)

 

as Telv mentioned earlier, what separates them from the EC? It may not necessarily have to be combat traits or beliefs, it could be something as small as a complete break from the legion in terms of in fighting. Maybe Eleaxus and Lucius had a serious disagreement resorting to blows? Maybe Eleaxus felt the rest of the Children were not pushing the perfection that Fulgrim demanded and praised so highly? A tie in to who Eleaxus was in regards to the legion pre and post heresy I think would be quite interesting. Maybe he and Lucius were quite the rivals before the heresy, always trying to catch the eye of Fulgrim.

 

or maybe the Flawless Host does have beliefs and traits that separate them from the rest of the EC. The ideas are numerous I believe, and I am looking forward to seeing these guys fluffed out :lol:

 

 

I've added a beliefs and recruitment section and edited the homeworld and origins sections, so I hope you like it.

[Lord Insanity]

Insanity, i really like that you are fluffing up the Flawless Host. When I first saw their name in the codex csm I thought "Why didn't I think of that!" The Flawless Host, in my opinion, is one of the slickest sounding names GW has put together. I love their color scheme as well. I am glad to see them getting some love! I expect to see some painted up as well :D

 

as Telv mentioned earlier, what separates them from the EC? It may not necessarily have to be combat traits or beliefs, it could be something as small as a complete break from the legion in terms of in fighting. Maybe Eleaxus and Lucius had a serious disagreement resorting to blows? Maybe Eleaxus felt the rest of the Children were not pushing the perfection that Fulgrim demanded and praised so highly? A tie in to who Eleaxus was in regards to the legion pre and post heresy I think would be quite interesting. Maybe he and Lucius were quite the rivals before the heresy, always trying to catch the eye of Fulgrim.

 

or maybe the Flawless Host does have beliefs and traits that separate them from the rest of the EC. The ideas are numerous I believe, and I am looking forward to seeing these guys fluffed out :D

 

Any more comments? I've added several more sections, not to mention that I've edited some, so I want to know what you all think. As for the difference from the EC, I've added the reason why they broke from them.

[XKhalilX]

like the subtle changes. Although i still do not see a clear distinction over the flawless host and the EC and why they split off. Keep it up my friend. The Flawless Host need to be fluffed out, there too awesome not to be. This article demands perfection :D all kidding aside, keep churning out ideas. I think More of how Eleaxus and Lucius interacted may work with the schism, and maybe certain beliefs were beginning to rise between the 36th legion of the EC and why they broke off and became the Host.

[Lord Insanity]

like the subtle changes. Although i still do not see a clear distinction over the flawless host and the EC and why they split off. Keep it up my friend. The Flawless Host need to be fluffed out, there too awesome not to be. This article demands perfection :) all kidding aside, keep churning out ideas. I think More of how Eleaxus and Lucius interacted may work with the schism, and maybe certain beliefs were beginning to rise between the 36th legion of the EC and why they broke off and became the Host.

 

Thanks for the feedback, I've added some more to the history section. Any other comments?

[incinerator950]

One of the few renegade names that isn't a random combine generator name, which also sounds good.

[Lord Insanity]

One of the few renegade names that isn't a random combine generator name, which also sounds good.

 

Well, I'm just fluffing them up - they can be found here. Any other comments?

[Argon]

First off, thank you so much for making a Traitor IA. It's been kinda boring reading IA after IA dealing with Loyalist Chapters. Too many of our brothers play Chapters that have already been fluffed out, so Chaos Index Astartes are rare.

 

Now that I'm done with that, I'd like to say that this looks pretty solid. I see a bit of Word Bearers in them with how they treat cultists and non-Slanneshi daemons. That's not a bad thing, far from it. It adds a nice bit of flavor to them.

 

The fact that they have a homeworld is nice. I'm pretty sure that most Renegade chapters (the ones that have fluff, anyways) don't have a homeworld. I'm still trying to figure out how to best utilise my Renegade's homeworld. You've given me some ideas.

[Lord Insanity]

First off, thank you so much for making a Traitor IA. It's been kinda boring reading IA after IA dealing with Loyalist Chapters. Too many of our brothers play Chapters that have already been fluffed out, so Chaos Index Astartes are rare.

 

Now that I'm done with that, I'd like to say that this looks pretty solid. I see a bit of Word Bearers in them with how they treat cultists and non-Slanneshi daemons. That's not a bad thing, far from it. It adds a nice bit of flavor to them.

 

The fact that they have a homeworld is nice. I'm pretty sure that most Renegade chapters (the ones that have fluff, anyways) don't have a homeworld. I'm still trying to figure out how to best utilise my Renegade's homeworld. You've given me some ideas.

 

Any other comments? Particularly as I've just edited it to improve the combat doctrine section.

[firewind]

Flawless Host=Awesome. It's great to see someone giving them the attention that they deserve.

Here's a couple of things that caught my eyes:

 

 

Lord Commander Eleaxus, of the Emperor's Children, was one of the few original Marines...

Just to make sure, are you implying that he is a Terran marine? More of a curiosity question than critique.

 

 

There, on a world he discovered within the storm and named Eleaxa after himself, he made a grand speech, and declared that the 36th Grand Company was now to be known as the Flawless Host, for they had found perfection.

This is a bit of a run on sentence. You might want to chop it up a bit.

 

 

Eleaxus the Flawless

Was there a face so handsome and yet so cruel? Was there ever beauty so hellish? A forked tongue of molten silver tastes the perfumed air, and the rune of She who Thirsts is branded upon his face. Silver hair falls on golden armour, and he bears a daemon-blade in his right hand, the Blade of the Flawless. A thousand deadly venoms it is coated with - a thousand poisons sufficient to kill a man in moments. Fear Eleaxus, for he is the Doom of Man. - Ultima Malefica, Inquisitor Malden.

To me, this feels more like something one of his followers would say than something that would come from an inquisitor.

 

 

The first reported sighting of the Flawless Host was in M.34, in the Malcurno system, when Malcurno IV was attacked and devastated by what seemed at the time to be random pirates.

Random pirates? Are there any other kind ;)

 

 

The Flawless Host take also truly immense amounts of combat drugs, particularly ones that remove all traces of fear and pain.

I would have thought that they would go more for combat drugs that increase reaction speed and such. That would help them increase their martial prowess they are so happy to show off.

 

 

They are also believed to prefer these weapons due to the greater grace and skill involved with their use - far greater than with the cruder chainsword.

I love this bit. With a forge world at their disposal, would they even need to use chain swords? Perhaps they could use exquisitely crafted combat blades instead.

 

 

...and revere him as the 'disciple of Slaanesh'.

conflicts with

...Slaanesh, whom the Flawless Host know as the Decadent Prince.

If they know him as the Decadent Prince, wouldn't their leader be the Disciple of the Decadent Prince?

 

 

They have no qualms about recruiting...

I was under the impression that the traitor legions couldn't recruit new members without Fabius Bile's help. I could be wrong though...

 

I'm looking forward to watching this come along. Keep up the good work :)

[Lord Insanity]

Flawless Host=Awesome. It's great to see someone giving them the attention that they deserve.

Here's a couple of things that caught my eyes:

 

 

Lord Commander Eleaxus, of the Emperor's Children, was one of the few original Marines...

Just to make sure, are you implying that he is a Terran marine? More of a curiosity question than critique.

 

 

There, on a world he discovered within the storm and named Eleaxa after himself, he made a grand speech, and declared that the 36th Grand Company was now to be known as the Flawless Host, for they had found perfection.

This is a bit of a run on sentence. You might want to chop it up a bit.

 

 

Eleaxus the Flawless

Was there a face so handsome and yet so cruel? Was there ever beauty so hellish? A forked tongue of molten silver tastes the perfumed air, and the rune of She who Thirsts is branded upon his face. Silver hair falls on golden armour, and he bears a daemon-blade in his right hand, the Blade of the Flawless. A thousand deadly venoms it is coated with - a thousand poisons sufficient to kill a man in moments. Fear Eleaxus, for he is the Doom of Man. - Ultima Malefica, Inquisitor Malden.

To me, this feels more like something one of his followers would say than something that would come from an inquisitor.

 

 

The first reported sighting of the Flawless Host was in M.34, in the Malcurno system, when Malcurno IV was attacked and devastated by what seemed at the time to be random pirates.

Random pirates? Are there any other kind :D

 

 

The Flawless Host take also truly immense amounts of combat drugs, particularly ones that remove all traces of fear and pain.

I would have thought that they would go more for combat drugs that increase reaction speed and such. That would help them increase their martial prowess they are so happy to show off.

 

 

They are also believed to prefer these weapons due to the greater grace and skill involved with their use - far greater than with the cruder chainsword.

I love this bit. With a forge world at their disposal, would they even need to use chain swords? Perhaps they could use exquisitely crafted combat blades instead.

 

 

...and revere him as the 'disciple of Slaanesh'.

conflicts with

...Slaanesh, whom the Flawless Host know as the Decadent Prince.

If they know him as the Decadent Prince, wouldn't their leader be the Disciple of the Decadent Prince?

 

 

They have no qualms about recruiting...

I was under the impression that the traitor legions couldn't recruit new members without Fabius Bile's help. I could be wrong though...

 

I'm looking forward to watching this come along. Keep up the good work :)

 

Thanks for the feedback, I've added and changed some things, but I think that the Flawless Host can recruit fine without Bile...

[Lord Insanity]

Flawless Host=Awesome. It's great to see someone giving them the attention that they deserve.

Here's a couple of things that caught my eyes:

 

 

Lord Commander Eleaxus, of the Emperor's Children, was one of the few original Marines...

Just to make sure, are you implying that he is a Terran marine? More of a curiosity question than critique.

 

 

There, on a world he discovered within the storm and named Eleaxa after himself, he made a grand speech, and declared that the 36th Grand Company was now to be known as the Flawless Host, for they had found perfection.

This is a bit of a run on sentence. You might want to chop it up a bit.

 

 

Eleaxus the Flawless

Was there a face so handsome and yet so cruel? Was there ever beauty so hellish? A forked tongue of molten silver tastes the perfumed air, and the rune of She who Thirsts is branded upon his face. Silver hair falls on golden armour, and he bears a daemon-blade in his right hand, the Blade of the Flawless. A thousand deadly venoms it is coated with - a thousand poisons sufficient to kill a man in moments. Fear Eleaxus, for he is the Doom of Man. - Ultima Malefica, Inquisitor Malden.

To me, this feels more like something one of his followers would say than something that would come from an inquisitor.

 

 

The first reported sighting of the Flawless Host was in M.34, in the Malcurno system, when Malcurno IV was attacked and devastated by what seemed at the time to be random pirates.

Random pirates? Are there any other kind :)

 

 

The Flawless Host take also truly immense amounts of combat drugs, particularly ones that remove all traces of fear and pain.

I would have thought that they would go more for combat drugs that increase reaction speed and such. That would help them increase their martial prowess they are so happy to show off.

 

 

They are also believed to prefer these weapons due to the greater grace and skill involved with their use - far greater than with the cruder chainsword.

I love this bit. With a forge world at their disposal, would they even need to use chain swords? Perhaps they could use exquisitely crafted combat blades instead.

 

 

...and revere him as the 'disciple of Slaanesh'.

conflicts with

...Slaanesh, whom the Flawless Host know as the Decadent Prince.

If they know him as the Decadent Prince, wouldn't their leader be the Disciple of the Decadent Prince?

 

 

They have no qualms about recruiting...

I was under the impression that the traitor legions couldn't recruit new members without Fabius Bile's help. I could be wrong though...

 

I'm looking forward to watching this come along. Keep up the good work ;)

 

Any other comments or critique? Keep up the good work!

[Grand Master Tyrak]

The first reported sighting of the Flawless Host was in M.34, in the Malcurno system, when Malcurno IV was attacked and devastated by what seemed at the time to be pirates. However, Inquisitor Tallassius discovered that the attackers were, in fact, Chaos Marines.

 

This seems a bit cumbersome to me. Perhaps something along the lines of "The first recorded evidence of the Flawless Host was in the investigation conducted by Inquisitor Tallassius into the Malcurno raids."

 

Over time, his warband became known as a terrible force of destruction that has become the terror of the Segmentum.

 

Um, a Segmentum is roughly a fifth of the Imperium. Perhaps a Sector would be better. At the moment is does come across as being rather exaggerated.

 

The Flawless Host recruit from across Warpstorm Bloodflame, but the true heart of their efforts lies on their homeworld, Eleaxa. There, on the planet named by their leader, they recruit from the gangs and warbands that roam the wastes, taking the strongest and most worthy and turning them into Marines. They have no qualms about recruiting from men older than 18, and this coupled with their devotion to the Dark Prince almost always causes some minor mutation by the end of the implantation phase, which is taken as a sign that Slaanesh has marked them out for greatness. The Flawless Host use the accursed gene-seed of Fulgrim, and make sure to remove the progenoid glands of their Marines as soon as they are mature.

I was under the impression that the traitor legions couldn't recruit new members without Fabius Bile's help. I could be wrong though...

 

The Traitor Legions can recruit, but it's a rare recruit that gets the original gene-seed. Stolen loyalist gene-seed is a common replacement.

 

Only two others things I can see that might need adjusting - the picture of the shoulderpad could do with a caption, at the moment it justs sits the

[Grand Master Tyrak]

EDIT - Oops, double post.

[Lord Insanity]

The first reported sighting of the Flawless Host was in M.34, in the Malcurno system, when Malcurno IV was attacked and devastated by what seemed at the time to be pirates. However, Inquisitor Tallassius discovered that the attackers were, in fact, Chaos Marines.

 

This seems a bit cumbersome to me. Perhaps something along the lines of "The first recorded evidence of the Flawless Host was in the investigation conducted by Inquisitor Tallassius into the Malcurno raids."

 

Over time, his warband became known as a terrible force of destruction that has become the terror of the Segmentum.

 

Um, a Segmentum is roughly a fifth of the Imperium. Perhaps a Sector would be better. At the moment is does come across as being rather exaggerated.

 

The Flawless Host recruit from across Warpstorm Bloodflame, but the true heart of their efforts lies on their homeworld, Eleaxa. There, on the planet named by their leader, they recruit from the gangs and warbands that roam the wastes, taking the strongest and most worthy and turning them into Marines. They have no qualms about recruiting from men older than 18, and this coupled with their devotion to the Dark Prince almost always causes some minor mutation by the end of the implantation phase, which is taken as a sign that Slaanesh has marked them out for greatness. The Flawless Host use the accursed gene-seed of Fulgrim, and make sure to remove the progenoid glands of their Marines as soon as they are mature.

I was under the impression that the traitor legions couldn't recruit new members without Fabius Bile's help. I could be wrong though...

 

The Traitor Legions can recruit, but it's a rare recruit that gets the original gene-seed. Stolen loyalist gene-seed is a common replacement.

 

Only two others things I can see that might need adjusting - the picture of the shoulderpad could do with a caption, at the moment it justs sits the

 

Okay, I've edited it a bit, so thanks for the feedback. Any other things that need fixing?

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Okay, I've edited it a bit, so thanks for the feedback. Any other things that need fixing?

 

With the article? No. However, looking at the article overall, I don't think there's really enough to differentiate them from a warband of the Emperor's Children. It feels like you've done what Eleaxus has done, taken your Emperor's Children and stuck a new name on the front.

[Lord Insanity]

Okay, I've edited it a bit, so thanks for the feedback. Any other things that need fixing?

 

With the article? No. However, looking at the article overall, I don't think there's really enough to differentiate them from a warband of the Emperor's Children. It feels like you've done what Eleaxus has done, taken your Emperor's Children and stuck a new name on the front.

 

Any things you could suggest to differentiate them?

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Any things you could suggest to differentiate them?

 

Not really. This is your IA, not mine. In the words of Telveryon, the Liber is "quality control, not the assembly line". I can critique any ideas you come up with, but I'm not going to write the IA for you.

[XKhalilX]

these guys are sounding great insanity! I would submit to the librarium honorus for further editing to attempt to put it into the honorous permanently :P great job ;)