The Promethean Fists

[FireFist]

And why the Salamanders, and not, saaaay the more numerous Ultramarine or Imperial Fist geneseed? Just some food for thought!

Reason: dang it the ultras are to "by the book", and the Imperial Fists are way to perfect. Salamanders are the perfect parent chapter for a heavy weapon chapter. and the B.A.'s have the black rage/blood lust.

 

Just read about your dilemma. My apologies for skipping over it earlier.

 

Think of it like this:

 

What does your chapter gain from being a successor of the Aurora Chapter?

 

What would they gain as a successor of the Salamanders?

 

If one or the other has more points you agree with, run with it.

Thanks again for the advice. I'll think about it.

[Argon]

The armor of the marines has been stained brown by the mud of Turthol.

 

Mud? I thought it was a desert. Really, how they get their heraldry usually isn't that important, unless it's linked to some huge event very early in their history. You mention Orks invading Turthol. Perhaps that could be part of why their weapons and pauldron trim is red?

 

Although greatly shaken by the loss of Brother Barros, chapter master Argos continued to use dreadnoughts in the time-honored manner prescribed by the codex. But after several conflicts with the orks it became apparent that the dreadnoughts were the enemy's first choice of target - frequently employing powerful anti-armor weapons/tactics to destroy or disable them. It was with considerable reluctance that Chapter Master Argos ordered the overhaul of the existing dreadnoughts with additional armor. Argos also requisitioned more land Raiders, Crusaders, and even a prized Terminus Ultra. Now the Promethean Fists chapter was truly born.

 

Where did this come from? There's no mention of Brother Barros or an engagement before this, and suddenly this happens. Why was Argos greatly shaken by Barros' death?

 

In the Ork's first attack the Warboss broke Argos' power sword.

 

Typos fixed.

 

When you're showing ownership of something and the owner's name ends with an s, you just put the apostrophe and don't put another s.

 

 

 

The Promethean Fists are descendent from the Salamanders chapter. They use the gene-seed of Vulcan as of their tie with the Salamanders. Like the salamanders there is no known mutation to their gene-seed.

 

Another typo fixed.

 

The Aurora Chapter is a descendant of the Ultramarines. I'd pick one or the other if I was you.

 

 

They believe their actions in war serve the Emperor better than prayers. Faith without deeds is worthless.

 

This could be written better. Something like "They belive that faith without deeds is worthless, and therefore that the Emperor is better worshipped on the battlefield than with prayer."

 

The spear Argos constructed during the invasion of their homeworld is a mighty relic wielded only by the chapter master.

 

It's a spear now? I thought it was a halberd.

 

 

IRON GAUNTLET COMMENT CHALLENGE: 9/20

[Donkeybomber]

Hello,

Let me start by saying that the chapter name is awesome. I was planning on using it as the parent chapter to the one I wrote when I was brainstorming a while ago, perhaps I'll need to find another name for that IA, we'll see.

 

I am, as Argon seems to be, a bit confused about the reasoning behind the color scheme. Let me clarify: the reason the IA gives for the chapter's colors, the colors you chose are fine.

You say that the chapter lives on a desert planet dotted with oases. This conjurs up ideas of the Sahara, that dry, loose sand forming dunes and those cool ripple patterns. But then you mention mud. I don't really imagine that sand turns into mud. Now a desert like that of Nevada or Utah (what I have seen) could turn to mud, but people don't seem to talk about the local oasis, unless it's a bar down the road. Also, I don't imagine a desert planet would receive so much rain that it would cause enough mud over a long enough time to cause the "staining."

Which brings me to my next question: how is it that mud stains the power armor of this chapter? I could be wrong, but I don't think that metal is easily stained, and most likely not by mud, which could be washed away during maintenance, or brushed away after it dried back to sand.

Again, the color scheme is fine. In my opinion, you need to find a more solid explanation as to why the armor has that coloring. I could suggest that they chose it to blend in with the desert, or to reflect their desert homeworld. perhaps it is mud caked on to the armor, which they never wash/brush away because it represents the longevity of the brother. The more revered brothers carry more mud on their armor.

The fact that they are stained by the mud also poses a problem for a new recruit, who receives his power armor for the first time... it would be comletely red, as no mud has yet touched it.

 

Some thoughts for thought,

Donkey

[FireFist]

My thanks brothers for pointing out the finer and rougher points of the chainsword that is my IA.

 

Due to the lack of C&C I have only been fixing this IA once in a while. I will fix it tomorrow or ASAP.

 

On the parent chapter:

The aurora chapter is descended from the Ultras and as such might be a bit too "by the book." Though they would help with my armored assault idea.

 

The salamanders would hold up my heavy weapons idea and are not as much "by the book."

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

One main thing I can point out, being in the process of writing a sallies successor chapter myself, is the Salamanders have a few major things that differentiate them from the rest.

 

1. Smaller numbers. Sallies haven't really recovered from their losses during the Horus Heresy.

2. Compassion for the lesser man. Many space marines view themselves as beyond humanity while the Salamanders still visit their families on Nocturne and are known amongst groups like the Imperial Guard for their compassion.

3. Gene-seed seems to be predisposed towards changes due to environment. At least, thats what I've pulled. GW hasn't quite made it clear whether the slower reflexes are due to Nocturne's gravity (which really doesn't make much sense but eh) and the skin color change has been stated as being local to Nocturne, but one wonders how that would surface on a different world.

 

Another thing to keep in mind is when a previous poster mentioned Promethean reminding him of wiles, thats because Prometheus? was known in Greek Mythology as gifting fire to mortals and is eternally punished for this by being chained to a rock and having his organs pecked out by vultures. Thus, fire is often associated with him, as is cleverness and inventiveness I suppose, that is if my Greek mythology is up to snuff.

 

I also see a bit of spelling errors here and there, might want to clean those up, for example

 

"We are the will of the Emperor. His burning wrath is ours. Fire May (lowercase here, May is a month, may is a word for something that might be done) pour from our fingers yet we remain unburned. Lighting (Lightning) my (may not my) burst forth from our eyes yet we stand unhurt(odd phrasing...consider 'with sight unhindered'). The earth may tremble and the rock may split yet we shall not yeild(yield). In this burning inferno (where nothing remains, non essential to the sentence, consider removing for brevity) we stand defiantly in the face our enemies. We shall not fear for the foes of the Emperor will fall before us(Consider rewording to 'The foes of the Emperor fall before us, for we know no fear.' Flows better, might work out for you better). We are the angels of death. We are the Burning fists of the Emperor's holy wrath ('and we shall know no fear' redundant, consider removing.)."

-Creed of the Promethean Fists

[FireFist]

One main thing I can point out, being in the process of writing a sallies successor chapter myself, is the Salamanders have a few major things that differentiate them from the rest.

 

1. Smaller numbers. Sallies haven't really recovered from their losses during the Horus Heresy.

2. Compassion for the lesser man. Many space marines view themselves as beyond humanity while the Salamanders still visit their families on Nocturne and are known amongst groups like the Imperial Guard for their compassion.

3. Gene-seed seems to be predisposed towards changes due to environment. At least, thats what I've pulled. GW hasn't quite made it clear whether the slower reflexes are due to Nocturne's gravity (which really doesn't make much sense but eh) and the skin color change has been stated as being local to Nocturne, but one wonders how that would surface on a different world.

 

Another thing to keep in mind is when a previous poster mentioned Promethean reminding him of wiles, thats because Prometheus? was known in Greek Mythology as gifting fire to mortals and is eternally punished for this by being chained to a rock and having his organs pecked out by vultures. Thus, fire is often associated with him, as is cleverness and inventiveness I suppose, that is if my Greek mythology is up to snuff.

 

I also see a bit of spelling errors here and there, might want to clean those up, for example

 

"We are the will of the Emperor. His burning wrath is ours. Fire May (lowercase here, May is a month, may is a word for something that might be done) pour from our fingers yet we remain unburned. Lighting (Lightning) my (may not my) burst forth from our eyes yet we stand unhurt(odd phrasing...consider 'with sight unhindered'). The earth may tremble and the rock may split yet we shall not yeild(yield). In this burning inferno (where nothing remains, non essential to the sentence, consider removing for brevity) we stand defiantly in the face our enemies. We shall not fear for the foes of the Emperor will fall before us(Consider rewording to 'The foes of the Emperor fall before us, for we know no fear.' Flows better, might work out for you better). We are the angels of death. We are the Burning fists of the Emperor's holy wrath ('and we shall know no fear' redundant, consider removing.)."

-Creed of the Promethean Fists

 

the facts I have but in bold are things that I have forgotten to mention. Yes the PF's are inventive and much of them is associated with things like fire and the phoenix. The chaplains of the Promethean Fists are also much more compassionate than those from other chapters. All these will be put into the IA soon.

[Ferrata]

Smaller numbers. Sallies haven't really recovered from their losses during the Horus Heresy.

That is incorrect. The Horus Heresy was 10,000 years ago, the Salamanders have recovered their loses. They have smaller numbers because they chose to. They have the six companies that represent the six tribes of Nocturne, and those companies are bigger (120 men).

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

Ah my bad, but also remember FireFist, we don't know anything about the chapter but what you tell us. You can't just say "yes they are like this and that ya" MAKE ME FEEL IT! BREATHE EMOTION AND LIFE INTO THEM!

 

ITS ALIVE, ALIVE!!!!!

.................ok *cough* ahem, enough of that.

 

I am eager to see how the finished product looks.

[FireFist]

As a bit of an off topic thing; in relation to my DIY chapter I have benn writing two short stories staring the Promethean Fists. there are two parts, part 1, part 2. I have also created a WIP of a vehicle used only by the PFs, the ussal.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

 

 

In the initial days of building the chapter Chapter-Master Argos sat with the rest of his marines who had joined him in building the chapter. Remembering how their green heraldry had served to hid them in jungles, the y decided on a brown armor to better make them harder to see in the battle field. In order though to distinguish them a red trim was added for the shoulder guards.

 

Hmm.....Red trim to distinguish them, even though they want to camoflouge themselves? Also, how are they going to tell whose in which company? Also the y in sentence 2 needs to be fixed.

 

The Promethean Fists quickly began to rebuild after the invasion of the Orks. Argos ordered the chapters 4 battle ready companies to replace their losses and to set out into space. Since then the chapter has taken part in many battles both in major campaigns and in their own travels. Their style of fighting has cost the chapter greatly yet has supplied them with many warriors that could be blessed with dreadnought armor.

 

Boom! That Ork invasion came out of nowhere! Also "Since...travels" is a fragment (consider revising). Thirdly, your chapter isn't going to have many dreadnoughts. Probably two or three at the most.

 

Argos also requisitioned more land Raiders, Crusaders, and even a prized Terminus Ultra. Now the Promethean Fists chapter was truly born.

 

And where did he requisition these from exactly? The "truly born" isn't necessary, but you should get someone else's opinion on that.

 

The invasion of Turthol

When Orks invaded Turthol, Chapter Master Argos himself led the charge alongside the chapter’s dreadnoughts. In the Ork's first attack the Warboss broke Argos’ power sword. Afterward it’s said that Argos spent the entire night in the company forges with the chapter’s most senior tech-marine. When he emerged he wielded a halberd that had been combined with a bolter placed up towards the blade. Argos reasoned that the bolter could be used both up close and at a distance yet he would still be able to fight with the halberd. He was again ready for war.

 

After weeks of bloody fighting the Orks were finally defeated. Every ork had been killed. The Promethean Fists had taken heavy of casualties. It would take some time before the chapter was back up to full strength. But the chapters spirit was not yet broken. Soon they were well on their way to repairing their losses.

 

This needs to be before the invasion that comes out of nowhere, and the invasion needs to be called "the First Invasion of Turthol". Why? So it will flow and sound better. It will make your IA more enjoyable.

 

Homeworld

Turthol is a desert world. It is about the size of Holy Terra though it is slightly closer to its sun than Terra. The planet is located in the Ultima Segmentum. It orbits one sun in a system of 5 planets.

 

Very choppy. Should be rewritten to make it flow better.

 

The planet is poor in natural resources (i.e. oil, lumber) but mines have uncovered vast deposits of minerals. The surface of Turthol is dotted with ruins and oases. The majority of Turthol's population is centered on the few oases large enough to support anything more than a small city. Still a good sized portion of its people chose to travel in nomadic groups or live in small communities near smaller oases. Those that choose to travel as nomads migrate to the small communities and cities when the time comes for the Promethean Fists to recruit from the planets population. The people of the planet value both hard work and determination.

 

Oasis, plural is Oasises. Also, what the people value doesn't matter. It is about the what the Chapter values.

 

The people of the planet know that the Promethean Fists will not tolerate any signs of taint or heresy.

 

'coughs and sputters' Any signs of Heresy? If there is any heresy at all it's going to get a power armour boot curbstomping it. Quite posssibly literally.

 

 

Recent events had made it abundantly clear to the Chapter Master that they needed heavier armor and more assault units. With addition of more assault troops, the Promethean Fists added more armor to their dreadnoughts and converted some of their Land Raiders to Crusaders and Redeemers so they could support the troops that attacked the enemy head on.

 

Careful...

 

The Promethean Fists are one of the few chapters known to have multiple Terminus Ultra Land Raiders on the field at one time. The assault troops move in the cover provided by the Land Raiders while the tactical squads advance, in rhinos, behind the heavy armor to gain control of the objectives. Yet contrary to other fast assault chapters the Promethean Fists rarely use drop pods unless landing on a planet for the first time. The Promethean Fists prefer hard, quick, often devastating armored assaults. They excel in melee and frontal assaults.

 

They aren't likely to have multiple Terminus Ultras.

 

Gotta go. This is a good IA, but you need to develop the character a little more.

[Ace Debonair]

You mention ruins in the homeworld section.

What are they ruins of?

 

A small detail, I know. It only needs a couple of words tagged into the sentence or whatever, but it was the only bit that left me puzzled. :wub:

[FireFist]

Recent events had made it abundantly clear to the Chapter Master that they needed heavier armor and more assault units. With addition of more assault troops, the Promethean Fists added more armor to their dreadnoughts and converted some of their Land Raiders to Crusaders and Redeemers so they could support the troops that attacked the enemy head on.

 

Careful...

Careful?

 

Anyhow I've made some edits to it.

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

I think he means be careful what you do to your chapter's equipment. The AdMech get very very touchy when it comes to messing with tech (I think they are still sore over one of the LR variants that some chapter came up with.)

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Yes... and no. I mean don't assume that chapters have that kindof stuff just at benson's animal farm, down the spacial road.

 

Also...

 

"The Promethean Fists are decedent from the Salamanders chapter. They use the gene-seed of Vulcan as of their tie with the Salamanders."

 

First, it's descended, not decadent. Second, The second sentence should be taken out; it's repeating the first sentence and it has horrible grammar.

 

I like the Promethean Fists though, they have a lot of potential. :rolleyes:

 

EDIT: Sorry, it's benson's, not ben and jerry's. I apoligize for any confusion I may have caused.

[FireFist]

Thanks for the tips and compliments. Until I see it possible this IA will continue to be a work in progress.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Thanks for the tips and compliments. Until I see it possible this IA will continue to be a work in progress.

 

Generally they are :P

 

Anyways, since I notice that you came back, I will look over this again.

 

 

Dark Apostle Thirst

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Ok, here we go...

 

"The chapter’s assault squads are armed with flamers for maximum damage. The terminator assault squads have flame icons painted on their thunder hammers instead of lightning icons. The sergeants of the chapter have a marked preference for pole arms and their odd fighting style. The ability to fight multiple enemies at once had first appealed to Argos. Following his acceptance of the halberd many sergeants began to see its effectiveness against enemies in close quarter combat and they too took up using pole arms."

 

Unusually, I like this paragraph :P However, Pole weapons don't help in fighting mulitiple enemies (save for scythes, and even then in only in certain circumstances). The flamer.assault squad cause minor confusion, it sounded like all of the marines in the squad were armed with flamers. It might be written better with something more along the lines of "the assault squads are all given a flamer to augment their blazing chainswords and death-spitting pistols".

 

Clarification and knowing what certain weapons are meant for are very important.

 

"they decided on a brown armor to better make them harder to see in the battle field. In order though to distinguish them a red trim was added for the shoulder guards."

 

Contradictory, and marines can see other marines. Also, that would mean their color scheme would change from world to world (!). I like the idea, buuuttt..... I suppose it's a matter of opinion. Take from it what you ill :P

 

The sidebar needs to be moved up and to the side where the Color Scheme is, and the Color Scheme needs to be put in it's own section.

 

"The planet is poor in natural resources (i.e. oil, lumber) but mines have uncovered vast deposits of minerals."

 

Vast depoisits of minerals are a natural resource... :(

 

Seriously, desert world is all you need to say, unless you want to add in those vast deposits of minerals which can make you real freindly with the Mechanicum, possibly providing you with the materials you conjure out of nowhere (Ie, extre armour for dreads, a terminus frikkin ultra...) which generally aren't availble to just some successor chapter.

 

"But they always say to never let the enemy win and if they do win to make them pay for every inch of ground."

 

What do you mean, they're secretly IF? :P

 

A rewording is all that's nessassary.

 

Gotta go, but this is a nice IA. Look forward to expansions.

[FireFist]

I see what you mean. My thanks Brother.

Unusually, I like this paragraph biggrin.gif However, Pole weapons don't help in fighting mulitiple enemies (save for scythes, and even then in only in certain circumstances). The flamer.assault squad cause minor confusion, it sounded like all of the marines in the squad were armed with flamers. It might be written better with something more along the lines of "the assault squads are all given a flamer to augment their blazing chainswords and death-spitting pistols".

It's a matter of training on if a person knows how to use pole weapons against multiple foes.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Pole weapon thing: granted.

 

But nothing else about what I have to say? You accept my reasons because they make sense? I didn't think people could do that! :D

[FireFist]

Well there are two choices with me. Either I or you accept or it can get complicated.

 

Sorry didn't mean to get cranky.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Actually a pole-weapon can be used to fight multiple adversaries, it just depends on the teyple of weapon.

 

Mount a sword-style blade on a ploearm and you have basically a sword with an extra-long reach.

 

The downside is that if foe gets inside the blade/spike/whatever than you're almost certainly dead.

 

EDIT: Also, you do know that a polearm doesn't always have to have a 5-/6-foot haft?

[Captain Juan Juarez]

They settled on a planet in the Ultima Segmentum and began to build the chapter there. Within a couple of millenia Turthol was invaded by orks twice, inflicting heavy casualties on the young chapter.

- Mention the name of the world in the first part of the sentence, as well as capitalising Orks and Chapter.

 

The whole Dreanought thing.. A relatively new or young Chapter wouldnt have great access to it. Same thing with TDA or powerful tools like Landraiders - Chances are a more established/prestigous Chapter would get them.

 

With addition of more assault troops, the Promethean Fists added more armor to their dreadnoughts and converted some of their Land Raiders to Crusaders and Redeemers so they could support the troops that attacked the enemy head on.

- That sounds like a pretty major job!

 

The Promethean Fists are one of the few chapters known to have multiple Terminus Ultra Land Raiders

- Where is the justification - Again, if a more reputable or prestigous Chapter doesn't have the, why do you?

 

Yet contrary to other fast assault chapters the Promethean Fists rarely use drop pods unless landing on a planet for the first time. The Promethean Fists prefer hard, quick, often devastating armored assaults. They excel in melee and frontal assaults.

- Nothing gets you there faster than a Pod - A 'raider still has to take fire on the way in, whereas a Pod is often moving too fast.

 

This style still remains flexible depending on the enemies faced by the chapter. Though the chapter would have preferred to leave their tactics they do allow the tactics to be changed as the battle demands. But they always say to never let the enemy win and if they do win to make them pay for every inch of ground. The Promethean Fists will fight stubbornly and refuse to give ground in the face of even the most impossible of odds they face in battle - usually fighting down to the last marine. All of the chapters marines are well versed in hand to hand combat. This has allowed them to stay on the field and last longer that some other chapters.

- Rethink the entire passage as there are contradictions and daft parts.

 

Often marines will forgo squad tactics during hand to hand combat. As such this makes the chapter much harder to predict and often harder to defeat.

- Nope. Orks would tear you apart, 'cause it makes you easier to defeat.

 

Due to the ingenuity and inventiveness of their tech-marines The Promethean Fists have created a number of vehicles of war. Though only a couple of these creations have been sanctioned by the Adeptus Mechanicus the majority of them are still used solely by the Promethean Fists.

- Why haven't we heard of them if they are AdMech Sanctioned?

 

The Promethean Fists are similar to the Salamanders in the organization of their chapter. They only have 7 companies except they have the 120 marines that the Salamanders have per company. They also have a scout company of 70 scouts.

- The Sallies have a reason for it, do you?

 

Scouts are known as Roc Hatchlings.

Assault Marines are known as Phoenix Talons.

Tactical Marines are known as Stone Phoenixes.

Devastators are known as Styphalians.

- Why?

 

The chaplains of the Promethean Fists are much more compassionate than those from other chapters. This is primarily because, like their parent chapter, the Promethean Fists don't look down on lesser men. This has given them a similar reputation as the Salamanders.

- Again, why?

 

the Chapter masters armor remains red with only the shoulders showing brown.

- once again, why?

 

There are also some spelling and grammatical mistakes, but best to get the meat out of the way first I find!

[FireFist]

did a bit more editing a while ago. never mentioned it though. idk why :lol:

[Dangerousdan73]

Due to the ingenuity and inventiveness of their tech-marines The Promethean Fists have created a number of vehicles of war. Though only a couple of these creations have been sanctioned by the Adeptus Mechanicus the majority of them are still used solely by the Promethean Fists.

 

i like this idea dont know how it sits in current fluff i dont think Ad Mech would really like anyone messing with thier vaunted STC's but i think its interesting any chance of a sidebar about one of these special vehicles

[FireFist]

Due to the ingenuity and inventiveness of their tech-marines The Promethean Fists have created a number of vehicles of war. Though only a couple of these creations have been sanctioned by the Adeptus Mechanicus the majority of them are still used solely by the Promethean Fists.

 

i like this idea dont know how it sits in current fluff i dont think Ad Mech would really like anyone messing with thier vaunted STC's but i think its interesting any chance of a sidebar about one of these special vehicles

Cripes!! Thanks for reminding me about that. I don't know how I missed it.