IA: The Knights Seraphic

[Philip S]

Do you have a chapter symbol?

 

Philip

[DarkGuard]

Do you have a chapter symbol?

 

Philip

 

I do indeed, it's the single white wing on the transfer sheet. Rather generic I know, but simple and effective, the wing can relate to the Seraphs. I just don't know how to get that onto my Army Painter Marine

[Philip S]

I do indeed, it's the single white wing on the transfer sheet. Rather generic I know, but simple and effective, the wing can relate to the Seraphs. I just don't know how to get that onto my Army Painter Marine

Something like this;

?

If you like it would you mind if I add your chapter to the 1,000 chapter project?

Philip

[Octavulg]

I initially assumed that the homeworld part of the IA was just a description of the planet, it went completely over my head that it would be the culture as well! I'll do my best to get that in quickly, I'm anticipating a couple of days off work soonish. But don't worry, they will be well thought out and hopefully written ok. I'm thinking that the entire culture will be based on honour and duty to each other, kind of caste like but not so restricted. Like from a farmer's family, the people consider it their duty to the local populace to provide and trade food with them, and to slack at that is shameful.

 

The feudal system, you mean? ;)

 

Sounds like a plan.

 

I thought everything about the Imperium was standard design....

 

Not so, young padawan.

 

Fair enough, I'll take that bit out, and probably therefore give a nicer description of the place.

 

Don't go overboard, mind. Fortress Monastery's aren't standard, but they are similar.

 

I thought that every Imperial World would get a PDF, even if they had a Chapter based there.

 

But Chapter home worlds effectively aren't Imperial worlds. They're exempt from virtually all requirements, and the Chapter rules the place as they wish. If the Chapter wants a PDF, there'll be one. If not, not.

 

Sorry, TO&Es? I thought that was pretty much how it was set out anyway, with me skimming over the fact that they are Codex organisation apart from Redemption Fleets.

 

You could skim even more. :) A TO&E is a Table of Organization and Equipment.

 

It's just a small example of the Redemption Fleets and Battle Companies working together. Thought sidebars generally added the odd bit of information that hasn't been touched on before. Now I think about it though I reckon this could work well.

 

Sidebars are for showing off things that cannot/should not be addressed in the IA proper. That can cover all kinds of things.

 

I must admit a couple of times when I read through I felt the later bits weren't as good as the original story, but I wasn't sure what to do with them exactly if you get my meaning.

 

Well, figure it out. ;) Then do it.

[DarkGuard]

I do indeed, it's the single white wing on the transfer sheet. Rather generic I know, but simple and effective, the wing can relate to the Seraphs. I just don't know how to get that onto my Army Painter Marine

Something like this;

?

If you like it would you mind if I add your chapter to the 1,000 chapter project?

Philip

Yes, very much like that.

I would be honoured if you added my Chapter to the 1000 Chapter Project. I was thinking of seeing if it would be accepted once I had finished it (and figured out how to do the Chapter symbol). Just let me know what I need to know and I'll keep you updated on its progress.

Thank you very much for considering my Chapter :).

[DarkGuard]

The feudal system, you mean?

 

Sounds like a plan.

 

Yes pretty much. Yet another Dark Angel similarity. I hope people think this is for strengthening their ties with the Dark Angels, and not ripping them off. I do think at times that this is what the Dark Angels may have been like if they had thought about the Hunt a different way.

 

Not so, young padawan.

 

Noted Master :)

 

Don't go overboard, mind. Fortress Monastery's aren't standard, but they are similar.

 

Yes, I imagined that they would be similar in quite a few ways, with the little differences being down to a Chapter's character and such.

 

But Chapter home worlds effectively aren't Imperial worlds. They're exempt from virtually all requirements, and the Chapter rules the place as they wish. If the Chapter wants a PDF, there'll be one. If not, not.

 

Now I think about it, this makes a lot of sense, when you consider that Ultramarine planets in their Empire are considered better economically and so on because of the way the Ultramarines ruled them.

 

 

You could skim even more. A TO&E is a Table of Organization and Equipment.

 

Skim by just saying if they are Codex organisation except for Redemption Fleets, and shortening the Redemption Fleet part?

 

Sidebars are for showing off things that cannot/should not be addressed in the IA proper. That can cover all kinds of things.

 

Noted, but I'll try to make them interesting and add more things to the Chapter.

 

Well, figure it out. Then do it.

 

I will do. I'm planning to get some time tomorrow to do a proper read through of the IA.

 

Thanks again for your help Octavulg, you have been amazing as usual.

[Octavulg]

Yes pretty much. Yet another Dark Angel similarity. I hope people think this is for strengthening their ties with the Dark Angels, and not ripping them off. I do think at times that this is what the Dark Angels may have been like if they had thought about the Hunt a different way.

 

Well, the DA don't have any knightly orders any more. And it's the sort of thing they'd likely look for in a recruitment world.

 

If the DA had put their duty before their pride, they would have avoided almost every problem they have encountered. That's kind of their tragedy (the Ice Lords ended up stemming largely from my utter disgust with Jonson and the leadership of the Dark Angels).

 

Yes, I imagined that they would be similar in quite a few ways, with the little differences being down to a Chapter's character and such.

 

Exactly. Chapter's character, geographical location, any particular unique needs imposed by the people of the planet or the chapter's role in the region...

 

Skim by just saying if they are Codex organisation except for Redemption Fleets, and shortening the Redemption Fleet part?

 

It's like you're in my head...;)

 

I will do. I'm planning to get some time tomorrow to do a proper read through of the IA.

 

Good. Always happy to help. :)

 

Keep at it. The first IA always takes the longest, but it`s usually the most worth it in the end.

[DarkGuard]

Well, the DA don't have any knightly orders any more. And it's the sort of thing they'd likely look for in a recruitment world.

 

If the DA had put their duty before their pride, they would have avoided almost every problem they have encountered. That's kind of their tragedy (the Ice Lords ended up stemming largely from my utter disgust with Jonson and the leadership of the Dark Angels).

 

They did at first, so still a slight comparison.

 

I do find parallels and what ifs intriguing. Of course in the end we have to deal with what happened. However, I have downloaded the Dornian Heresy for more 'what ifs', I still need to get round to reading it though....

 

It's like you're in my head...

 

You've been helping me so much it's like I know what you're going to say at times :)

 

Thanks again, I hope the next draft will be even better than before.

[Philip S]

@ DarkGuard - If you move your IA to a new thread, or website, PM me so I can update the link.

 

Added to project: page 19

 

Philip

[DarkGuard]

@ DarkGuard - If you move your IA to a new thread, or website, PM me so I can update the link.

 

Added to project: page 19

 

Philip

 

Should I move the IA to a new thread after it's in the Librarium, in which case it's already at a new location? Or do that now.

 

Also, I notice that on the same page you have the Knights of Sieraph with a similar colour scheme to mine just with the shoulder rims the other way around. Clicking on it leads to an empty page. I'm pretty sure no one else has used that colour scheme and that name before, and that was the name of my Chapter until I changed it to Knights Seraphic, so if that is my one then you're one Chapter extra . Sorry if I'm wrong though.

 

Also, do you know how to put Chapter symbols onto Army Painter Marines are could I just nick that one you did?

[Philip S]

@ DarkGuard - keep me up to date with the latest version.

 

If Knights of Sieraph is MIA, it will be one of the first to be removed when we hit 1,000. I'll make a note.

 

As for the chapter symbol I used Photoshop. You are welcome to use the one I created if you wish.

 

Philip

[DarkGuard]

@ DarkGuard - keep me up to date with the latest version.

 

If Knights of Sieraph is MIA, it will be one of the first to be removed when we hit 1,000. I'll make a note.

 

As for the chapter symbol I used Photoshop. You are welcome to use the one I created if you wish.

 

Philip

 

OK, will keep you up to date with the latest version.

 

Thanks, Knights of Sieraph and Knights Seraphic are the same Chapter kind of, it started out being called Knights of Sieraph and is now called Knights Seraphic.

 

Thanks for the tip. If I can't pull it off I will use yours thank you :D.

[DarkGuard]

Latest update is now posted. Includes changes to writing and fluff as suggested (and provided) by Octavulg, as well as new side bars (again thank you Octavulg) and the Chapter symbol is now displayed thanks to Philip S.

 

Thanks for your help guys, and let me know what you think of this latest draft.

[DarkGuard]

Any more ideas, views on the newest draft?

[Octavulg]

Sorry. I'll try and get to it in the next few days. :devil:

[DarkGuard]

Sorry. I'll try and get to it in the next few days. :devil:

 

No worries, you can take your time mate if you need to. Just thought some other people might like to get a say at some point as well :P

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Good origin story, but there is one major flaw that distracts me from fully appreciating your imagination: the idea the Knights Seraphic allow the Fallen to redeem themselves as full battle-brothers.

 

Remember, many of the Fallen serve Chaos, knowingly or unknowingly. 'Let the Galaxy Burn' details the treachery these Fallen Angels commit out of hatred towards their loyalist breathren, or simply to preserve themselves in a hostile galaxy. I STRONGLY doubt a Space Marine would trust a traitor, no matter how sincere his request to redeem himself may seem; and with warpcraft in play, we must accept the possibility the repentent ones are Trojan Horses, doomed to commit treason without warning, not even to the Fallen themselves.

 

More plausible is the idea the Fallen will be grouped into "penal legions." I think it's plausible to make up some "pact" between a Space Marine Chapter and an Imperial Guard regiment, in which they promise to support each other in times of need- for the Inquisition's consumption, of course- and handwave the redemption-seeking Fallen as "abhumans" or "mutants" from some backwater world.

[DarkGuard]

Good origin story, but there is one major flaw that distracts me from fully appreciating your imagination: the idea the Knights Seraphic allow the Fallen to redeem themselves as full battle-brothers.

 

Remember, many of the Fallen serve Chaos, knowingly or unknowingly. 'Let the Galaxy Burn' details the treachery these Fallen Angels commit out of hatred towards their loyalist breathren, or simply to preserve themselves in a hostile galaxy. I STRONGLY doubt a Space Marine would trust a traitor, no matter how sincere his request to redeem himself may seem; and with warpcraft in play, we must accept the possibility the repentent ones are Trojan Horses, doomed to commit treason without warning, not even to the Fallen themselves.

 

More plausible is the idea the Fallen will be grouped into "penal legions." I think it's plausible to make up some "pact" between a Space Marine Chapter and an Imperial Guard regiment, in which they promise to support each other in times of need- for the Inquisition's consumption, of course- and handwave the redemption-seeking Fallen as "abhumans" or "mutants" from some backwater world.

 

Originally the idea was for the Redeemed to be under the command of the Redemptor Captains, with explosives hardwired into their army. They were created to try and give the Chapter another twist to make them more interesting. However, if I can tighten up the writing and make the duality of duties stand out better, I may not need the Redeemed. You're not the first person to find an issue with them, and they aren't a key part of my Chapter so if need be I can change them for the better or just take them out altogether.

 

I'm glad you liked the rest of it though :devil:.

[Octavulg]

Conversely, I quite like the Redeemed.

 

I think that in some ways, they could help emphasize the duality of duties - the Redeemed represent the potential that by fulfilling their duties as they should, the Dark Angels will be able to redeem themselves in the eyes of the Emperor. If the Redeemed can still serve the Emperor, even after their betrayal of their duty, then the Knights Seraphic can too - in spite of their betrayal of their duty. The Redeemed allow the Knights to serve their two masters.

Edited July 1, 2010 by Octavulg

[DarkGuard]

Of course, not everyone will be totally happy with every aspect of this Chapter, that is inevitable. I quite like the idea of the Redeemed, though I will admit that it may not presented in the best possible way. However, as I also said, the Redeemed is one of the few things with room to manoeuvre.

[Octavulg]

Stylishly late...

 

The Knights Seraphic were formed during the Seventh Founding from the geneseed of the venerable Dark Angels. Interrogator-Chaplain Atonius led the training cadre that sought to build the fledgling Chapter. Initial recruits came from a number of planets in the Segmentum Tempestus, but after Atonius named the feudal world of Ciasus as the Chapter's home world it was the children of that world's chivalric Knightly Orders who provided the strong warriors the Chapter needed. Atonius was impressed by the reverence for duty and chivalry prominent in the culture of the world, and so named the Chapter the Knights Seraphic, after the fiery angels of local myth and the darker angels of the Chapter's superhuman ancestry.

 

Knightly orders is not a proper noun. No need for capitals.

 

The first Chapter Master of the Knights Seraphic was young Auriel Karnak, who had proved instrumental in repelling an Ork incursion on Ciasus and demonstrated an aptitude for leadership and strategy throughout his training. With Atonius' mentorship and guidance, Chapter Master Karnak embarked on a successful crusade against the Ork systems which dotted the space around Ciasus. Though the fighting was fierce and the greenskins were dangerous foes, careful assaults on clan leaders broke the back of the petty Ork kingdoms, driving them into the anarchy and infighting which always lurks below the surface of greenskin culture. Divided and weak, the Orks fell to the Knights Seraphic, who returned in triumph to Ciasus. At full strength and hardened by battle, the Chapter was by any measure ready to serve the Emperor, and so Atonius confessed to Karnak the terrible secret of the Dark Angels - the tale of the Fallen and of the Unforgiven's sacred duty to force their repentance

 

You missed a period at the end of the last sentence.

 

After Atonius had left, Karnak remained cloistered in his chambers for weeks, neither eating nor sleeping. Here he pondered the mission of his Chapter. Atonius had told Karnak that the Knights Seraphic were meant to be an extension of the Dark Angels, pursuing redemption for all the Unforgiven by hunting down the Fallen. Although he and his brethren had not committed this crime, Karnak was well aware of the blood of the Legion flowing through his veins, and knew that this duty could not be cast aside. But while a squire of the Knights of Sieraph, Karnak had been taught to abide by the most important duty of all, to defend the people from danger; even if he gives up his life to fulfil it. Torn between these two duties, Karnak remained in his tower and was not seen until a month later.

 

Second last sentence would work better as "...duty of all: a knight must defend the people from danger, even if he gives up his life to do so."

 

Unfortunately, the Chapter’s judgement is not infallible, and there have been some instances when the Redeemed have tried to renege against the Chapter, only to be prevented by the skilled Redemptor Captains. If the Unforgiven or the Imperium discovers this secret, the Knights Seraphic would face certain extinction.

 

Renege should be replaced with 'turn' or the sentence revised to "have tried to renege on their oaths to the Chapter,"

 

Also, I miss the brain-bombs. ^_^

 

The home world of the Knights Seraphic is a feudal world named Ciasus, which largely consists of large rolling plains, with occasional forests, and is located in the Segementum Tempestus.

 

As a feudal world Ciasus possesses low technology, with the world only being on the cusp of gunpowder technology when the Chapter first encountered it. The demography of the world saw it divided into separate city states, surrounded by small townships and agricultural land. Each of these states maintains its own army, supplemented by the Knightly Orders. Allegiances between states are complex matters and only when the Ork attacks started did the entire planet unite under one cause.

 

 

A little disjointed, and a little bigger than it needs to be. Try:

 

"Ciasus is a feudal world of rolling plains and forests. Divided into separate city states, each surrounded by smaller townships and agricultural land. Each of these states maintains its own army, supplemented by the Knightly Orders. Relations between states are complex, and only when under external threat can the cities be relied upon to cooperate."

 

Within each state there exists a rigid caste system. Nobility rule over small estates, with families of farmers, blacksmiths and more taking their place beneath them, seeing to their needs. Few people question this system; instead it is seen as duty to perform their best according to standing. Loyalty to one’s state and personal honour is held in high regard, proving attractive to the fledgling Chapter.

 

The last sentence is a little wonky. I'd say "which proved attractive to..."

 

Also, you missed a 'their' in the third sentence.

 

Another of Ciasus’ traditions are the Knightly Orders. Originally they were used to protect the states that they owed allegiance to. Different Orders have their own methods of recruiting. Some induct only from nobility, others hold trials and induct the strongest youngsters. The result is the same, with each Knightly Order training and producing some of the best warriors on the planet. Once they become a Knight their life is dedicated to the pursuit of their own personal honour in addition to performing their duty to the Order and their state.

 

This should actually be bigger. Something like:

 

"The Knightly Orders of Ciasus are the planet's most prominent defenders. Though originally they were dedicated to the defense of the states which founded them, many have grown to be more powerful and important than the cities which created them. Different orders have their own methods of recruiting - some induct only from the nobility, others hold trials to induct the strongest youths, and others have more esoteric selection methods which make little sense to outsiders. The results are the same, however, with each Knightly Order training and producing some of the best warriors on the planet. Once a youth becomes a knight, his life is dedicated to the pursuite of his personal honor and the service of his Order and his city."

 

You could even spend a little more time on it, if you were so inclined. Not too much, but a little.

 

After the Ork Empire was destroyed by the Knights Seraphic, the Knightly Orders remained, and continued to feud among each other. The Knights Seraphic allowed this to happen, so that the warriors created on Ciasus would be good enough to the join the Astartes. Once per decade the Chapter hold a series of trials in the planets capital Caliphus for potential aspirants, taking only the best so that the future of the Chapter can be ensured.

 

I'd replace 'good' with 'strong', and throw in something about 'rather than being weakened by peace'.

 

The Chapter’s Fortress Monastery is located in the northern mountain range of Ciasus, its high altitude meaning that only the most determined enemies can reach it. It is built into two mountains and is similar to the vast amount of Fortress Monasteries in the galaxy. One addition is a set of high security cells located deep underneath the mountains, where

the Knights Seraphic holds its imprisoned Fallen.

 

Dull, honestly. Either spice it up or eliminate it.

 

The Knights Seraphic do not intervene with the events of Ciasus, unless the safety of Ciasus is in question. They feel that any mistakes made by the people must be learnt from. The Knights Seraphic have in turn been influenced by the Knightly Orders, taking on a great many of their beliefs including their ideas on honour and duty.

 

A little awkward.

 

Try: "The Knights Seraphic do not intervene in the affairs of Ciasus unless the planet's safety is in question, preferring to have the people learn from their own mistakes. The Chapter's attitudes have over time been influenced by the knightly orders which provide their recruits, adopting many aspects of the various orders' philosophies. Most notable has been a growing emphasis on honor and duty."

 

The Inner Circle

Despite their disdain for the Hunt, and the Dark Angel’s shroud of secrecy, the Knights Seraphic also have their own Inner Circle. This is in part due to honouring the Dark Angel’s own Inner Circle, and also to prevent their own warriors being distracted by the knowledge of the Fallen. Therefore only those men partaking in the Hunt, the warriors of the Redemption Fleets, and the command of the Chapter know of the Fallen.

 

I'd change the first sentence to "...for the Hunt and for the Dark Angels' shroud of secrecy..." Makes things a little clearer. Third sentence might work better as: "Therefore, only the warriors of the Redemption Fleets and the Chapter command staff know of the Fallen." Shorter, but really the same information.

 

This feels like it really should be longer, though. Any ideas?

 

The Knights Seraphic are generally a Codex Chapter. The notable exception to this are their Redemption Fleets, created for the Hunt.

 

Each Redemption Fleet contains elements of the First and Second Companies. The Second Company is similar to the Eighth Company, boasting equipment such as jump packs, bikes and Land Speeders. The First Company meanwhile possesses around sixty suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armour.

 

The Fleets consist of one Strike Cruiser and three Gladius Frigates, and contain eighty Astartes, fifty from the Second Company and thirty from the First. The command of each Fleet is given over individually to the First and Second Captains. Known as Redemptor Captains or simply ‘Redemptors’, they are considered equals in the Chapter. Though their primary goal is the capture of the Fallen, the Redemption Fleets can also be easily deployed alongside the Battle Companies.

 

A little disjointed. Perhaps a little more like:

 

"The Knights Seraphic are generally a Codex Chapter. The notable exception to this are their Redemption Fleets, created for the Hunt. Each Redemption Fleet contains elements of the First and Second Companies - the Second Company is similar to the Dark Angels' Ravenwing, while the First is equipped much like the Deathwing, though with only a few dozen suits of Terminator armor. Each Fleet consists of one or two Strike Cruisers and a handful of escorts, along with half of the First and Second Companies. The command of each Fleet is given over individually to the First and Second Captains. Known as Redemptor Captains or simply ‘Redemptors’, they are considered equals in the Chapter. Though their primary goal is the capture of the Fallen, the Redemption Fleets can and are deployed alongside the Battle Companies to provide support and the benefit of their experience."

 

I'd think it'd make more sense for each company to be a self-contained unit than for them to be amalgamations of two separate companies, to be honest. Note that I'm not saying that one should be all-Terminator and the other all-Bike/stuff, but that it makes more sense for each Redemptor Fleet to be its own company.

 

The other forty members of the First Company are spread out among the Battle Companies offering their experience alongside the other squads of the Company, these men do know of the Hunt, but have made their choice to join their less informed brethren in the fight against the Imperium’s enemies.

 

Choice? They don't have Terminator suits. :) What choice is there?

 

It should be noted that as the Captain of the First Company is often removed from the Chapter, the honorific title of ‘First Captain’ does not belong to him, but rather the foremost Captain of the Battle Companies, often the Third Company Captain. Despite this the numbering of the Battle Companies starts at three, as the two Redemption Fleets are still considered the First and Second Company.

 

Deliciously illogical. I like it. :P

 

The Redemption Fleets

 

Not sure this is entirely necessary.

 

The Knights Seraphic largely fight according to the dictates of the Codex Astartes, with the notable divergence in the battle style of the Redemption Fleets.

 

The Redemption Fleets utilise power armoured veterans from the Second Company in an infiltration role, stealthily inserted via Gladius frigates. They keep a low profile, seeking out the enemy’s week points. Once discovered, these squads will set up a perimeter, and call down reinforcements in the form of more veterans from the Second Company, and Terminator armoured veterans from the First Company deployed from the Strike Cruiser. These combined forces then proceed to crush the enemy, capturing any Fallen if they are present.

 

Due to the flexible nature of the Redemption Fleets, these tactics can be used alongside other Companies in the Chapter, often tearing out the heart of the enemy’s army, breaking them apart.

 

Try combining the paragraphs like this:

 

"The Knights Seraphic largely fight according to the dictates of the Codex Astartes, with the only notable divergence the battle style of the Redemption Fleets, which utilise power armoured veterans as infiltrators to seek out the enemy's weak points. Once the enemy's weaknesses are fully documented, these squads will set up a perimeter, and call down reinforcements in the form of more veterans from the Second Company and Terminator-armoured veterans from the First Company. These combined forces then proceed to crush the enemy, capturing any Fallen if they are present. Due to the flexible nature of the Redemption Fleets, these tactics can be used alongside other Companies in the Chapter, often tearing out the heart of the enemy’s army, breaking them apart."

 

Like all Astartes, the Knights Seraphic view and venerate the Emperor as an extraordinary and powerful man. They also venerate Lion El’Jonson, their Primarch and first leader of the Dark Angels above all other Primarchs.

 

What do they venerate about him?

 

Honour is an important part of the Chapter, and all the decisions made by the Chapter are based on what they are duty bound to do. For the Knights Seraphic, honour is gained by conducting themselves as a true Knight, protecting the people of the Imperium.

 

Explore this a little further.

 

Therefore, it must be emphasized, as it has been mentioned above, that the Knights Seraphic view their duty to the Lion and the Unforgiven equal to their duty to the Imperium as a whole. The Knights Seraphic are true knights in that they will not allow the people to suffer while they still live.

 

This may seem strange as the Dark Angels believe that their redemption will only come through the deaths of each one of the Fallen. Despite this, the Knights Seraphic do not make this their primary goal. But this does not mean that the Knights Seraphic do not seek redemption for the action of their forebears. The Knights Seraphic believe that the Hunt is an unnecessary task that will result in the downfall of the Dark Angels.

 

Their belief is that redemption will not come from the Fallen, but rather through duty to the Imperium. This explains why they let those Fallen who confess a chance to live and serve once more. Through their actions protecting the Imperium they may be forgiven by the Emperor upon their death. Unfortunately, among the Unforgiven they are alone in this view.

 

Again, a bit disjointed.

 

The second paragraph's last sentence doesn't seem to mesh well - we need a clear progression from "seeks redemption" to "thinks the Dark Angels' methods are wrong". At the moment it's a big jump.

 

I'd actually been expecting that they simply felt that compromising their duty to others in an attempt to earn forgiveness for earlier failures simply compounds those earlier failures.

 

Your explanation raises a few questions, though - why do they continue the Hunt if they feel it is unnecessary? And why do they feel the Fallen deserve redemption - after all, the Fallen are traitors and heretics?

 

And take out the last sentence. There is no place for absolutes in the grim darkness of the far future.

 

The Knights Seraphic are descended from the Primarch Lion El’Jonson, and so share the same geneseed as the Dark Angels and other Unforgiven Chapters. They are aware of this link to the Lion, and so hold him as the greatest Primarch to have lived due to his tactical genius, matched by none other save the Emperor. The Lion was also a knight once, and sought at first to protect his people from the monsters of Caliban. The Knights know this and try to emulate his noble example.

 

Like all Dark Angels Chapters their geneseed is still pure, with no degradation.

 

Merge. Also, take out "at first". It makes it seem like they no longer trust him.

 

* * *

 

While you don't have to follow all my advice, your paragraphs do need to be longer than a single line. :P

 

And remember - grammar, spelling and sentence structure criticism (at least from me), means that there's nothing else to pick at. ;)

[DarkGuard]

Sorry the length it's taken to reply Octavulg, I've been busy with work and everything. Just getting round to implementing your changes, but thought I'd respond to a couple of things.

 

I believe the melta bombs in the Redeemed were cool, but they really weren't needed, and did seem a little too Hollywood as someone else said.

 

I do see the Redemption Fleets as Companies in their own rights, but I phrased it as it is to make it easier to see why the remaining Companies started their numbers from 3. I will still like to keep it like that though, with the Redemption Fleets not being numbered and being independent, but the Battle Companies starting from 3.

 

By the choice made by the power armoured Veterans I meant not their choice to fight in power armour but rather to be with the Battle Companies. Perhaps I should rephrase that to make it more clear.

 

They venerate the Lion for being a master strategist, a true knight and an amazing leader, I'll make sure that's in.

 

Your ideas on their beliefs are as usual better than and more eloquent than mine :(

 

Once again thank you for everything, I'll probs be using most of it if not all of it. And nice to know there's not much left to be picked on, or maybe that's bad if there's no room for improvement, it means I'm finishing it. :P

[Octavulg]

I took nineteen days. You're doing fine.

 

I believe the melta bombs in the Redeemed were cool, but they really weren't needed, and did seem a little too Hollywood as someone else said.

 

Brain bombs are cool. I'm just saying. ;)

 

I do see the Redemption Fleets as Companies in their own rights, but I phrased it as it is to make it easier to see why the remaining Companies started their numbers from 3. I will still like to keep it like that though, with the Redemption Fleets not being numbered and being independent, but the Battle Companies starting from 3.

 

I'd just say that there's the First Fleet and the Second Fleet (and that each is half Termies half other stuff). Explains the numbering and seems a far more natural arrangement.

 

By the choice made by the power armoured Veterans I meant not their choice to fight in power armour but rather to be with the Battle Companies. Perhaps I should rephrase that to make it more clear.

 

Indeed.

 

They venerate the Lion for being a master strategist, a true knight and an amazing leader, I'll make sure that's in.

 

A true knight? Might want to elaborate on that (if only because I'll argue to my grave that he's not, at least, not unless you mean "medieval bastard concerned first and foremost with himself and his pride").

 

Your ideas on their beliefs are as usual better than and more eloquent than mine tongue.gif

 

I'm probably prettier, too, but let's not worry about such things. ;)

 

Once again thank you for everything, I'll probs be using most of it if not all of it. And nice to know there's not much left to be picked on, or maybe that's bad if there's no room for improvement, it means I'm finishing it. dry.gif

 

One of my greatest fears is what I will do when I finish my Chapters (the answer is write more Chapters/expand the existing Chapters/write Epic supplements/write a novel). It's a little scary, though.

[DarkGuard]

19 days, I must apologize a lot. It sucks when you're busy :whistling:.

 

I'd just say that there's the First Fleet and the Second Fleet (and that each is half Termies half other stuff). Explains the numbering and seems a far more natural arrangement.

 

Yeah, that sounds the best way to do it. I've already started on changing that paragraph a little to incorporate it, and will just make sure its right.

 

A true knight? Might want to elaborate on that (if only because I'll argue to my grave that he's not, at least, not unless you mean "medieval bastard concerned first and foremost with himself and his pride").

 

Nice way to put it. Perhaps take out true knight, otherwise the Chapter would gain nothing from Ciasus. The strategist and all that would be in there.

 

One of my greatest fears is what I will do when I finish my Chapters (the answer is write more Chapters/expand the existing Chapters/write Epic supplements/write a novel). It's a little scary, though.

 

It had been good doing this, and so I will probably be doing some supplements, mainly based on like my Captain and all that.

Edited August 6, 2010 by DarkGuard

[DarkGuard]

Have finally been able to edit the article, after 19 odd days. All feedback from Octavulg has been taken into account, and therefore things have been slimmed down and revised at some point.

 

Please let me know what you think of it, and thanks again to Octavulg.