IA: Infinity Knights

[Ace Debonair]

IA: The Infinity Knights:

"The Emperor is the Light of the Galaxy. Through him, even death can be conquered. The entire purpose of your training will be to become strong enough to find His favour." Sergeant Allda Miada of the tenth company, talking to a party of recruits.



A space marine of the Infinity Knights chapter. Their colours were originally slightly darker, but after only two decades the chapter altered their heraldry to lighter shades to reflect the colours of the sand and sky of their homeworld. The Chapter's emblem is a white figure-of-eight with a sword's handle and bladetip visible at the top and bottom respectively.

History:

"All parts of the Imperium need protecting, brother. We may not get the glory of our brothers, but our role is still vital."
Chapter Master Orthadeus, formerly of the Ultramarines Second Company.

Created in the glorious 9th founding of Space Marine chapters, The Infinity Knights were immediately assigned to the Saias system. Placed galactically south of the dark cluster known as the Shroud Stars, between the parts of the galaxy called the Dominion of Storms and the Eastern Fringe, the Infinity Knights were tasked with bolstering the Imperial presence in the region. Their master would be Orthadeus, formerly a second company Captain of the Ultramarines. Orthadeus was no stranger to either battle or command, and he vowed to lead his chapter to success. His steadfast dedication to the Emperor's will would become a keystone of the chapter's beliefs. The Infinity Knights scoured the Saias system for enemies, finding greenskin foes on many of the system's planets.

The Infinity Knights settled on the desert planet of Sharius, a large desert world, much bigger in scale than Holy Terra. The population quickly took to the Imperial creed, and proved to be a viable source of recruits for the chapter. But alongside the humans living in the mountains and valleys, the deep deserts were filled with the crude settlements of the Orks. Although at first the strength of these warbands was estimated to be minimal, the truth of the matter was that there were easily over twenty thousand more Orks than humans on Sharius when the Infinity Knights arrived. The astartes threw themselves boldly at the enemy, triumphing purely through skill at arms, albeit at the cost of many Space Marine lives. There are rumours that the surviving Orks went on to the Vorlian system, the home system of the Steel Dragons, but the Infinity Knights' own records clearly state no Orks survived the battles.

From here, the Infinity Knights replenished their somewhat beaten numbers, and took their mission to the next stage - reinforcing the Imperial presence within the sector. It was not to be, however. When the chapter's Battle Barge, the Eternity, sought to travel north through the Shroud Stars, it was attacked and destroyed by an unknown enemy, taking with it most of the first company, along with many members of the second and third. Amongst the dead was Orthadeus. The chapter was numbed by the loss of their best fighting marines. They floundered for a short while, as internal debates raged as to what course of action should be taken, and who should now lead the stricken chapter.

The captain of the Third Company, Irames Algran, had been unable to go with his marines due to an injury sustained fighting Orks. Algran was one of the first to have been recruited from Sharius, and one of only six marines left from the third company. His rise through the ranks had been quick, but he had such natural aptitude for leadership that eventually he was chosen to lead the Infinity Knights. Algren saw the loss of many of the most valued marines in the chapter as a judgement from the Emperor, and vowed to find another way forward. Half of the remaining Knights cried for vengeance against the unknown threat that had taken the first three companies. The other half was grimly stating that such pursuits would be folly - a further betrayal of their purpose by needlessly sending marines to die. After all, if the three most accomplished companies were destroyed in this quest, what more could they send? It was only through Algram's extraordinary charisma that the Infinity Knights were once again rallied behind a single purpose.

The chapter's first, second and third companies would stay, fighting threats in the sector containing the Saias system and reinforcing imperial presence there, as they had been bidden at their creation. They would also be joined by the eighth and ninth companies. The fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh companies, however, would become 'wandering' companies, each aboard one of the chapter's strike cruisers. They would dedicate themselves to answering any Imperial call for help, no matter the distance or the danger - the Infinity Knights in these companies would see to it that no further Imperial loss would go unavenged.

Eventually, the chapter's numbers came back up to full strength, and Algram's plans came into action.

Homeworld:

"The endless vista of sky and sand, stretching into infinity... There is nothing there between our minds and The Emperor. A fitting home for eternal defenders of the Imperium."
Seventh Company Captain Bruc Haedar.

The Infinity Knights' homeworld of Sharius is a large, parched desert world. Much of it's land is scorched, wind-scoured earth, inhabited by dangerous creatures. The few human tribes that live there are of a feudal background, and live in the shaded valleys dotted around the barren, dark mountains on the planet. Only here is there water to be found - elsewhere on Sharius there is nothing but sand. Although the people are primitive, the tribes have ancient records, dating from long before the Imperium claimed Sharius, of great beings that could ascend to the stars themselves. (Librarians deduce the most likely explanation of these tales stem from Eldar encounters.) In any event, they readily converted to the beliefs of the Imperium, as taught by the Imperial church. The Infinity Knights recruit their potential battle-brothers from these hardy desert cultures, where an early training in survival against both the harsh landscape and the fearsome wild creatures that roam the sands form a solid background for the difficult training exercises that candidates are put through. Although there is usually no shortage of viable recruits on Sharius, the gruelling training neccessary to become a Space Marine, along with the unforgiving desert climate leads to a frequently high fatality rate among aspirants.

The tribes of Sharius are fiercely devout in their worship of the Emperor - an aspect that inevitably filtered through to the ranks of the chapter. The Infinity Knights, like most Space Marines see the Emperor as the pinnacle of humanity. Tales are told within their fortress-monastery, several times throughout each day, of how The Emperor crushed the fiendish betrayer Horus, and how although wounded almost to death he lives on today.

After some time, another aspect of the tribal beliefs began to show itself in the way the chapter worked.
Once every fourteen years, the chapter holds a feast day known as the Day of Radiance. As part of the ceremony, all marines present on the homeworld march through Addali, the largest city on Sharius, so the people of their world can see the fearless holy warriors who defend them, accompanied by the chapter's sacred dreadnoughts. The ceremonies are attended by people of all tribes, and on that day it is forbidden for a tribesman to act in anger against another tribesman.

According to the tribes of Sharius, dreadnoughts are one of the Emperor's greatest miracles - a way that his holy warriors can surpass even death. Those who are recruited into the chapter have had the same idea firmly planted into their minds, and as a result, the entire chapter treats the Dreadnoughts with a reverence that borders on the extreme. They are used frequently in battle - that is their reason for existence, after all - but entire battle strategies are modified to protect the holy machines until they can be deployed into the heart of the enemy - which they can then tear out, as The Emperor intended.

Organization:

"We dedicate ourselves to the service of others, as knights before a King. In the Wandering Companies, humility and patience will serve you as well as skill-at-arms."
Sixth Company Captain Mors Altram.

The Infinity Knights are a standard, codex-reliant chapter. The only real deviation in organization is the absence of dedicated devastator or assault companies, with marines in each company instead consisting of a balanced force. In terms of function, however, there is another difference. The Infinity Knights have only the eighth and ninth companies as reserve companies. The fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh are reserved for long-range campaigns - always ready to answer the call to arms and fly to the assistance of their brother Astartes, no matter the distance or the perils. The practicality of this setup is that marines recieve less time training than in other chapters, and the Infinity Knights have sometimes taken larger losses in combat as a direct result of this. However, none within the chapter would question the importance of the Wandering Companies - the mission of the Chapter since birth was to provide aid to Imperial presence, and to be accepted into one of these companies is a distinct honour amongst the Astartes of the chapter. Although great importance and reverence are placed on the Dreadnoughts of the chapter, the Infinity Knights posses no higher numbers of them than any codex-reliant chapter. Attempting to claim more than their share of Dreadnoughts would deny their honoured brothers in other chapters the same chance at eternal honour, which the Infinity Knights could not condone.

Combat Doctrine:

"They have lost their greatest weapon - now it is time to deploy ours. Signal the ship, brother."
Chapter Master Irames Algran.

The Infinity Knights have a simple, effective approach to combat. They dedicate their entire force to weakening enemy positions or forces, pummelling them with tanks or dicing them with assault units. The focus of these early attacks is most frequently to disable or destroy anything capable of heavy anti-armour firepower. Then, when the enemy force is weakened, the Infinity Knights deploy their sacred Dreadnoughts to deliver the killing blow. Although sometimes costly in astartes lives, there can be little argument that the unorthodox approach adopted by this chapter is quite effective.

Beliefs:

"The Emperor is the true symbol of infinity. We can only pray that by his grace one day we may recieve the same blessing, and rise beyond the bounds of death."
Attributed to Chaplain Ilmarus.

The Infinity Knights believe that although the Emperor began as a mortal man, he achieved a transcendent power unlike any before or since. They believe fervently in the power of the Emperor to guide and protect them, and in the miracle they see in their sacred dreadnoughts. Some of the more radical Techmarines and chaplains have propounded the theory that one day the Emperor will rise again inside a magnificent dreadnought of unbelievable power, and that His enemies will flee and perish before Him.
The Infinity Knights take extremely meticulous care of their dreadnoughts, carefully and thoroughly cleaning and polishing each part before and after battle, as well as dedicated daily maintenance checks. To be allowed to repair a damaged dreadnought is one of the greatest honours the Chapter can bestow, and is usually granted only to senior Techmarines.

Another firm keystone in the chapter's beliefs stems back to their original mission. The chapter was created to reinforce Imperial presence in the Saias System and around the Shroud Stars, and the Infinity Knights will throw themselves willingly into any conflict a brother astartes requests of them, irrespective of risk - especially the 'wandering' companies, who travel through any peril and over any distance to reinforce their Imperial brethren.

Geneseed:

"We come from the line of the great Rouboute Guilliman. We have little need of further glory."
Librarian Halmir of the Infinity Knights First Company.

The Infinity Knights proudly descend from the geneseed line of Rouboute Guilliman, writer of the codex and greatest son of the Emperor. Until recently, the geneseed has remained stable and pure. Within the last two hundred years, however, a slowly increasing number of aspiring space marines die shortly after the geneseed is implanted into them. The apothecaries of the Infinity Knights are unable to determine why this should be so, as the Adeptus Mechanicus confirms that all gene-seed tithed to them remains pure. Whilst on the face of things the Infinity Knights dimiss this issue, the Wandering Companies have discreetly begun enquiring of other chapters if they have encountered anything similar before.

Battlecry:

"The Emperor's chosen will triumph!"
Or, when the Dreadnoughts are deployed;
"See The Emperor's true power!"

-=-=-=-=

Right, fresh update concerning the combat doctrine. Added a few lines, but it still looks a bit short. Also added in a few quotes to personalize the chapter somewhat.
Any ideas or opinions welcomed!

[wolf2.3]

I like it. Its very characterful with some solid fluff. Liking the dreadnought idea, their about the coolest things marines can have.

[Ace Debonair]

Thanks wolf.

 

Updated the whole thing, added a dash of colour and character.

 

Opinions of all shades welcome.

Find as many mistakes as you can, there may be a small prize for the winner. <_<

[RagingGriffon]

1. The first chapter master, a veteran Ultramarine Sergeant named Orthadeus, set to his task with a will [...] 2. These warbands were fairly small-scale, and were eliminated fairly early in the chapter's history, albeit at the cost of many Space Marine lives. [...]

3. The Infinity Knights settled on the desert planet of Sharius, a super-large desert world. [...] 4. It was not to be, however. When the chapter's Battle Barge, the Eternity, sought to travel to the Vorlian system via a shortcut through the Shroud Stars, it was attacked and destroyed by an unknown enemy, taking with it most of the first company, along with many members of the second and third. Amongst the dead was Orthadeus. [...] 5. and vowed to find another way forward.

 

Hey, I thought I would C&C here a bit. I am going to do it in number format and only the first section for now.

 

1. I would think a Company Captain would be chosen to be a Chapter Master. Also, "set to his task with a will" is awkward and should be reworded.

2. If the warbands were fairly small scale, and you lost many Space Marines in your Chapter, then one would assume that your Marines are weak. Reword or change.

3. "Super-large" rips you right out of suspense of disbelief. Reword.

4 & 5. You just seem to gloss over the fact that a third of you Chapter got waxed. You would think the rest of the Chapter would want to know who that unknown enemy is and go and kick them in the throat. Rethink this.

[NightrawenII]

The Infinity Knights settled on the desert planet of Sharius, a super-large desert world. The population quickly took to the Imperial creed, as preached by the Chaplains of the chapter, and proved to be a viable source of recruits for the chapter. From here, the Infinity Knights replenished their somewhat beaten numbers, and took their mission to the next stage, and planned to venture forth and assist their brother Astartes.

[....]

The chapter was numbed by the loss of their best fighting marines. The new chapter master, Irames Algran, was one of the first to have been recruited from Sharius, and was one of the most veteran marines in the chapter. He saw the loss of many of the most valued marines in the chapter as a judgement from the Emperor, and vowed to find another way forward.

 

I like it, but this is strange, if your Chapter settled Sharius after purging Orks, how can be Algran either from Sharius and the most veteran marine of the Chapter?

[Ace Debonair]

Good points, all well made.

 

Next time I have the chance, I'll sit down and edit the mistakes.

 

Anyone else spotted anythnig that needs correcting?

[Ace Debonair]

Mistakes edited, although no doubt in such a fashion that begets more.

 

All I need now are the frank and forthright views of the community, so I'll just nudge this back onto the first page.

 

All criticisms welcome, as is praise if you absolutely have to. :D

Neccessary insults will probably also be tolerated. :D

[Codex Grey]

As with the Talons (and the other Chapters) You should try to make the article as independent as possible. This should focus on the Knights.

 

The Infinity Knights are the fourth and final chapter to be assigned to the area around the Shroud Stars. Unlike the others, however, they were stationed some distance away, and told only to reinforce the other chapters' actions, rather than lead the charge.

A reader could read this and not understand a damn thing. The way it is written assumes the reader knows about the other Chapters and that whole Shroud Star thing. Maybe change it to something like:

'Upon their founding, the Infinity Knights were assigned to the Saias system, galactically south of the Shroud Stars. Boosting the Imperial presence in the regions surrounding Saias, they were also tasked with assisting three other Chapters assigned to the Shroud Stars.

 

All mentioning of the other Chapters names should either be avoided, or explained further if you feel that their inclusion in the article is necessary.

Also when they were founded (exact date not necessary) and/or the number of the founding would be great.

 

In keeping the focus on the Knights, I would try to take all references to the story of the Shroud Stars and the other Chapters, beyond what is said in the Origins, into sidebars and stuff, so that the article is pure knights.

 

The Chapter would not teach the planet the Imperial Creed, as that is what the Imperial church teaches. And seems kinda strange that they would teach about the God-Emperor, just to be influenced by the population to believe in the God-Emperor themselves?

I'm not a fan of god-believing Chapters in general, unless there is a good back story for it. The Astartes are fiercely proud of their traditions and most have a strained relationship with the Imperial Church for their twisted views of the Emperor. I just don't feel the reason for the IK's belief is good enough. I appreaciate them being zealous, but they can be pretty damn zealous without resorting to viewing the Emperor as a God.

Their reverence of Dreadnoughts is cool, and can also work without the Belief. Just my thoughts on it. Other than that I like it.

 

I'll send you a version of the symbol with a blue background, so in case Dazzo turns up, he'll have something to work with ^_^

[Ace Debonair]

Good points, Grey. I admit, in my haste to re-write some of the sections, it has left what was readable and sensible in some places in something of a state.

 

That said, some of that could have been nonsense from word one. I can't remember. :P

 

Now that you mention it, some of the stuff I've written does kind of dodge logic. And I'm sure I used to have that they were ninth founding somewhere in this IA. I must have edited it out! :P

The belief in the Emperor was basically to fuel the dreadnought idea, admittedly. I'm not sure exactly how it'd work without it. I'm minded to persevere with the religious aspect, but if there's another way to achieve the same ends I'll cheerfully listen to and carefully consider it.

 

I've fixed up the founding, and the stuff about teaching the creed. Now all that remains is the religious aspect. To be or not to be?:lol:

 

Anyone else spot any flaws, faults, misinformations, plotholes, nonsense or other mistakes I may have tied in?

Let me know! :D

[Ace Debonair]

Hmm. No comments, eh?

 

Very well. I've seen enough of this forum to know my Infinity Knights are either pretty good, or reaching new plateaus of direness upon the slopes of Mount Awful. :huh:

 

But now I've hit a real crossroads, and need the assistance of anyone who can be bothered reading this IA.

 

Should I keep or discard the religious aspect of the Infinity Knights?

 

If I do discard it, how the heck do I explain away the dreadnought deal convincingly?

If I do keep the Emperor-is-our-God idea, how can I make it more believable?

 

Any responses or ideas welcomed... So what do you think?

[Ferrus Manus]

Personally, I would discard it. But then I am against Emperor-as-a-god Chapters in general. If you can find a good reason for it fair enough. Otherwise no.

But then just because they don't believe he is a god doesn't mean they can't revere and have a higher proportion of Dreads. Maybe they like the wisdom of their ancestors? Maybe there was a disaster and they tried to save their more venerable brothers? etc there are loads of reasons, each much easier to explain - in my opinion - than the Emperor-as-a-god idea.

 

Of course, as you said in another thread, my word isn't law. Feel free to discard it at your whim. :huh:

[Codex Grey]

Well, this is your Chapter Ace, so I won't try to force you either way, because I'm sure that no matter which way you go it can turn into something convincing.

That being said, while I don't really have a good idea for explaining their God-belief, I would like to say that their reverence of dreadnoughts can easily be explained. Many Chapters have already revere their dreadnoughts for a number of reasons, like their age-old experience and stories, the courage and tenacity of the hero entombed, the fusion of man and machine, etc.

Maybe the Knights see the Emperor as a man, like all Chapters do, but instead of just killing in his name and be done with it, they're more philosophical about it. They see the Emperor's death as a transcendence of the human form, evolving into a being of the warp. So instead of viewing it as a sign of deity, they believe that the Emperor has accomplished the full potential of Humanity. He is the perfect human.

Some Chapters believe that when they die they will join the Emperor. So the dreadnoughts, being half-dead, are revered as holy warriors because they are closer to the Emperor than any living marine.

 

As I read what I just wrote, I'm not sure I made much sense. :huh: hopefully you'll be able to understand some of it.

[Lysimachus]

It's looking very nice, Ace!

 

Should I keep or discard the religious aspect of the Infinity Knights?

 

If I may offer another opinion on this, I'd probably say let it go. Although my favourite of my own DIY's (see sig - shameless plug! :) ) does believe in the Emperor as a God, there are a lot of (hopefully good) explanations for this. To my mind, if a Chapter is going to be religious in this way, it has to become a central theme of said Chapter and should form a large part of any IA describing them. Lets face it, Astartes tend to be very traditional, and for something that is so part of what they typically are - i.e. not accepting the Emperor as a god - to be changed, something really major must have occurred in their history.

Specifically to your Chapter, it's certainly not necessary to explain the view they have of Dreadnoughts. Codex Grey's suggestion above works very nicely (made plenty of sense to me anyway! :) )

 

cheers

 

Lysimachus

[Ace Debonair]

OK, fair enough.

 

Good points made by both of you there.

 

I'll see how they look without the religious aspect next time I get chance.

 

Unfortunately I have stuff-all time off until Jan22nd (or later) - so this is going to be a while in the making, I expect. :)

[Ace Debonair]

Well, I have made a liar out of myself. :) Never mind.

 

It's a bit rushed, since sadly my free time is limited right now- but here's the new, (hopefully) improved edition of the IA.

 

I meant to put some stuff in sidebars, but I can't remember how and don't have time to look it up. :)

 

I'll try and neaten it up next chance I get.

Any and all criticism welcomed.

[Octavulg]

"The Emperor is the Light of the Galaxy. Through him, even death can be conquered. I only pray that you will be strong enough to find His favour." Sergeant Allda Miada of the tenth company, talking to a party of recruits.

 

Him praying for them feels wrong. They should be praying for themselves. After all, if they don't find favor, they're too weak, right?

 

Created in the glorious 9th founding of Space Marine chapters, The Infinity Knights were immediately assigned to the Saias system. Placed galactically south of the dark cluster known as the Shroud Stars, The Infinity Knights were tasked with bolstering the Imperial presence in the region, specifically by assisting the three other chapters assigned there. Their master, a formerly a first company veteran Ultramarine Sergeant named Orthadeus, was no stranger to neither battle nor command, and he vowed to lead his chapter to success. His steadfast dedication to the Emperor's will would become a keystone of the chapter's beliefs. The Infinity Knights scoured the Saias system for enemies, finding greenskin foes on many of the system's planets.

 

A sergeant? Out of ten Captains, not one wanted to or could lead a Chapter?

 

Dreadnoughts are, according to the tribes of Sharius, one of the Emperor's greatest miracles - a way that his holy warriors can surpass even death. Those who are recruited into the chapter have had the same idea firmly planted into their minds, and as a result, the entire chapter treats the Dreadnoughts with a reverence that borders on the extreme. They are used frequently in battle - that is their reason for existence, after all - but entire battle strategies are modified to protect the holy machines until they can be deployed into the heart of the enemy - which they can then tear out, as He intended.

 

It's a neat idea, but when would they meet one?

 

"What were you thinking, brother?"

Chapter Master Irames Algran wiped the blood from his chainsword and looked up to see the towering figure of Orvain Corwell, Master of the Red Lords, looming large through the smoke. His expression and tone were laden with fury.

"You throw yourselves recklessly into the fray, like a pack of dogs? What manner of Astartes are you?" Corwell boomed. Algran shook his head slowly.

"True warriors of the Emperor fight his foes face-to-face, spreading His glory with bolter and chainsword - instead of leaving them to rust until the combat's end."

"We have a duty to preserve the lives of our Marines, Chapter Master. We are all that stands against oblivion. If even a single Astartes falls in battle, the enemy takes a stronger grip on this system." Corwell snarled.

"Those of our brothers who are lucky enough to join the Emperor would give their lives thrice over for that honour, Master Corwell. As should you." Algran, unlike Corwell, remained calm. Corwell's fists opened and shut convulsively inside his terminator armour. He turned and strode away without a further word. Algran remained quiet and still for a moment, before summoning his honour guard.

"Spread the word, brother - It seems we have outstayed our welcome." Algran turned and watched the Red Lords' master consulting his men, next to the smouldering ruins of a church built to the Emperor. "We will soon see whose vision is the clearer," Algran added to himself, softly.

 

Narrative doesn't belong in an IA. Maybe in a sidebar.

 

The Infinity Knights went back to their home systems, watchful for more enemies. Irames Algran mused long on the state of the other chapters. They had strayed far from the Emperor's truth, but not yet too far. He resolved to put aside the differences between the chapters, and began worknig on a plan of campaign for combat in the Shroud Stars.

 

You're kind of dictating the total of what Chapters are in the Shroud Stars. It's not nice to close off the universe.

 

* * *

 

It's not bad. The writing needs a bit of polish, and it takes a little while to get to the interesting bits. A lot of the origins feels unnecessary. Sharius is interesting (though Sharyus or Sharias would make it clearer how to pronounce it). Really, I think you need to figure out what's unique about your chapter and bring that out. And I recognize how difficult that can be. :D

 

Also, I like the scheme. Good choice.

[Grand Master Tyrak]

The captain of the Third Company, Irames Algran, had been unable to go with his marines due to an injury sustained fighting Orks. Algren was one of the first to have been recruited from Sharius, and one of only six marines left from the third company.

 

A very small point, but I would advise sticking with the "Algran" spelling rather than "Algren" (it looks like you've mostly stuck with that spelling anyway). When I see "Algren" it immediately flags up a reference to The Last Samurai in my mind.

[Ace Debonair]

"The Emperor is the Light of the Galaxy. Through him, even death can be conquered. I only pray that you will be strong enough to find His favour." Sergeant Allda Miada of the tenth company, talking to a party of recruits.

 

Him praying for them feels wrong. They should be praying for themselves. After all, if they don't find favor, they're too weak, right?

 

Put like that... :P

 

Created in the glorious 9th founding of Space Marine chapters, The Infinity Knights were immediately assigned to the Saias system. Placed galactically south of the dark cluster known as the Shroud Stars, The Infinity Knights were tasked with bolstering the Imperial presence in the region, specifically by assisting the three other chapters assigned there. Their master, a formerly a first company veteran Ultramarine Sergeant named Orthadeus, was no stranger to neither battle nor command, and he vowed to lead his chapter to success. His steadfast dedication to the Emperor's will would become a keystone of the chapter's beliefs. The Infinity Knights scoured the Saias system for enemies, finding greenskin foes on many of the system's planets.

 

A sergeant? Out of ten Captains, not one wanted to or could lead a Chapter?

 

That's right! Er..... Alright, alright, you got me there. I'll revise this.

Dreadnoughts are, according to the tribes of Sharius, one of the Emperor's greatest miracles - a way that his holy warriors can surpass even death. Those who are recruited into the chapter have had the same idea firmly planted into their minds, and as a result, the entire chapter treats the Dreadnoughts with a reverence that borders on the extreme. They are used frequently in battle - that is their reason for existence, after all - but entire battle strategies are modified to protect the holy machines until they can be deployed into the heart of the enemy - which they can then tear out, as He intended.

 

It's a neat idea, but when would they meet one?

 

They might have seen pictures, though... right? Hmm, I'll try and figure this one out. Probably during some feast or something every ten years or what-have-you.

 

"What were you thinking, brother?"

Chapter Master Irames Algran wiped the blood from his chainsword and looked up to see the towering figure of Orvain Corwell, Master of the Red Lords, looming large through the smoke. His expression and tone were laden with fury.

"You throw yourselves recklessly into the fray, like a pack of dogs? What manner of Astartes are you?" Corwell boomed. Algran shook his head slowly.

"True warriors of the Emperor fight his foes face-to-face, spreading His glory with bolter and chainsword - instead of leaving them to rust until the combat's end."

"We have a duty to preserve the lives of our Marines, Chapter Master. We are all that stands against oblivion. If even a single Astartes falls in battle, the enemy takes a stronger grip on this system." Corwell snarled.

"Those of our brothers who are lucky enough to join the Emperor would give their lives thrice over for that honour, Master Corwell. As should you." Algran, unlike Corwell, remained calm. Corwell's fists opened and shut convulsively inside his terminator armour. He turned and strode away without a further word. Algran remained quiet and still for a moment, before summoning his honour guard.

"Spread the word, brother - It seems we have outstayed our welcome." Algran turned and watched the Red Lords' master consulting his men, next to the smouldering ruins of a church built to the Emperor. "We will soon see whose vision is the clearer," Algran added to himself, softly.

 

Narrative doesn't belong in an IA. Maybe in a sidebar.

 

I'll have to refresh my memory on how to do that first. Coding, sidebars and all that jazz was never my strongest point.

 

The Infinity Knights went back to their home systems, watchful for more enemies. Irames Algran mused long on the state of the other chapters. They had strayed far from the Emperor's truth, but not yet too far. He resolved to put aside the differences between the chapters, and began worknig on a plan of campaign for combat in the Shroud Stars.

 

You're kind of dictating the total of what Chapters are in the Shroud Stars. It's not nice to close off the universe.

 

Well I did kind of invent the Shroud Stars, so I figures I could do just that. But, that entire section is heavily under review, so I suppose there's no harm in reviewing that too. :D

 

It's not bad. The writing needs a bit of polish, and it takes a little while to get to the interesting bits. A lot of the origins feels unnecessary. Sharius is interesting (though Sharyus or Sharias would make it clearer how to pronounce it). Really, I think you need to figure out what's unique about your chapter and bring that out. And I recognize how difficult that can be. :)

 

Also, I like the scheme. Good choice.

 

Hey, it's not just me who likes the colour scheme on my marines! :D

I'm still puzzling over these guys quite a bit. I'll concede my style of writing doesn't lend itself to 40K stuff, but I suspect that can wait anyway until I have the details sorted out.

 

To Grand Master Tyrak's point - it's meant to be Algran. Algren was a good ol' typo.

Wait, someone in the Last Samurai was called Algren? :o

At least I've accidentally stolen inspiration from a good film, though. :P

 

Thanks for taking the time to pick apart my chapter.

One day perhaps I'll even get time to edit it. :)

[Octavulg]

Hey. It's a quartered scheme with soft colors that bear no relation to red, black or grey. I'd marry it if I could. :o

 

I thought there were official Shroud Stars. I am evidently wrong. Though googling Shroud Stars brought up an awesome article about a star coated in diamond, so that was worth it. :)

 

The chapter has strong fundamentals. Get back to it.

[Ace Debonair]

Yeah, I just realised my colour scheme was sand brown and cloudless-sky-blue.

So, symbolic of the usual Sharius weather as well as being far from the normal.

 

I see that they never got round to passing the law allowing men to marry colour schemes. :P

 

The Shroud Stars do sound official, don't they? :P Once in a while I come up with good names.

 

Sadly, I'm on a long, dreary, course until Jan 22nd, so I expect a full editing/rewriting/general fixiulating will have to wait for a while.

[Ace Debonair]

Yes Ace, you've done it again.

 

I'm going to stop saying I have no free time, since the day afterwards I invariably get free time and make a liar out of myself. B)

 

Anyway. What is germane to the issue is that the IA: Infinity Knights is freshly revised and edited to remove pretty much all the shroud stars/other chapters stuff.

 

I can edit it back in once this IA and the other chapters are all sufficiently good, if needs be.

[Heru]

The chapter's first, second and third companies would stay, fighting threats in the Saias system and reinforcing imperial presence there, as they had been bidden at their creation. They would also be joined by the eighth and ninth companies.

This bit doesn't work in my opinion, as basically you have five companies of Space Marines sitting in one star system. These Marines who are apparently so crap at their job that they haven't cleared that single star system of enemies, over the thousands of years they have been stationed there doing a job better suited to the Imperial Guard or Planetary Defense Forces.

 

If you had said they were a 26th Founding it would have been more believable because they'd of only been there for a few hundred years, but still it would be a big stretch to think that Astartes couldn't get the job done in the first decade or two. Also if you had expanded their "guard duty" to the Sector (a region made up of many star systems) it would of made even more sense.

[Ace Debonair]

Point well made, I suppose.

 

I can change that anyhow, and as you point out defending a sector rather than a system is more realistic.

 

Is there anything else that might lead you to believe the Infinity Kinghts are "crap at their job", or is that a solitary error on my part?

[Heru]

Is there anything else that might lead you to believe the Infinity Kinghts are "crap at their job", or is that a solitary error on my part?

It was just that bit.

[Ace Debonair]

Awesome. ;)

I'll change that bit later.