IA: Knights of Sieraph

[DarkGuard]

OK then, I've started to review my Chapter based on critique may others. I've only got as far as the Origins, but I've completely re-written it. So thought it would be easier to at least put this bit up then update the rest as I go along. So here's the new look Origins, now a whole lot shorter. Let me know what you think.

 

Origins

The Knights of Sieraph were formed during the 7th Founding, towards the end of the 32nd Millennium. The Founding was met with great jubilation, as all Foundings are, with more Space Marines being made available to protect the Imperium. One of the Chapters being Founded used the Dark Angel’s geneseed, and so the Dark Angels Chapter provided a cadre of Veterans, lead by Interrogator-Chaplain Atonius to train the new Marines. At first the new Chapter recruited from a number of planets in nearby systems. One of these planets was called Ciasus. At the time a feudal planet containing many rival Knightly Orders (not unlike Caliban). When the new Chapter came across this world, one of the Knightly Orders, known as the Knights of Sieraph, offered them many of their most promising young knights. The Chapter took them, and most of them were successful in becoming Scouts, including a young man named Auriel Karnak.

 

The Chapter continued to grow, and when it was nearing battle strength, it came close to Ciasus once more. Upon arrival, the new Chapter detected ramshackle Ork ships in anchor around Ciasus. Atonius ordered the Chapter into battle, and Auriel Karnak, now a full Battle Brother asked to be in the front wave. The inital drop consisted of some 100 Astartes on the main city, guarded by the Knights of Sieraph coincidentally. Karnak led the drop, which included some of the others from Ciasus, while a Veteran Dark Angel also accompanied them. The drop shattered the back of the Ork force, Karnak personally slaying the Ork Warboss present. At this time other forces were dropping down into other areas on the planet, and within a week Ciasus was freed. While the Knightly Orders and the Chapter hunted down any Ork remnants, Atonius and his Veteran Cadre held a council for a week. When they finally emerged they named Auriel Karnak as Chapter Master. Karnak named the new Chapter the Knights of Sieraph, to tie the Chapter to the planet and the Knightly Order forever, and named Ciasus as the Chapter’s homeworld.

 

However, other Orders were wary of the new Chapter. After a successful crusade against the nearby Ork system that had plagued Ciasus, they all bowed down to the Knights of Sieraph, no longer suspicious, and offered their warriors to the recruitment of the Chapter. Karnak continued the building of his Chapter, establishing the organisation of it on Ciasus until it was at full strength. At this time the Veteran cadre, minus Interrogator-Chaplain Atonius departed for the Dark Angels. Atonius remained to tell Karnak of the Fallen and help him construct his own Inner Circle when the time was right, and this is what happened.

 

Shortly after the secret was made known to Karnak, he was leading a force to combat Orks in another system. In the middle of wiping out the Green plague, Atonius received a communiqué from the Dark Angels detailing the location of a Fallen in the next system. Atonius urged Karnak to quit the battleand go to catch, or at least prevent the Fallen from escaping. Karnak refused, however, stating that if they did this the people he was honour-bound to protect would be overrun by the Greenskins. He sent a reserve Company instead, and two days later, after Imperial reinforcements had arrived, set off himself with a portion of his force. However, upon arrival it became clear that the Fallen had vanished. Interrogator-Chaplain, infuriated, left for the Dark Angels. Chapter Master Karnak returned to his quarters on Ciasus, and locked himself inside for a month, not eating, not sleeping. When he finally emerged, he called a meeting with his most senior officers. Then he told them of the secret of the Fallen, and the Knights of Sieraph’s own duty in helping the other Unforgiven to catch them all. He also stated that he would not abandon his other duty of protecting the people and the Imperium to correct a past mistake that was not his own. Instead, Karnak split the Chapter. The majority of the Chapter would fight the enemies of the Imperium and protect the Imperium, like proper Knights. However, the first 2 Companies would both be very different Veteran Companies dedicated to pursuing the Fallen. In the middle of a campaign, it would be these forces that left, not the Battle Companies. And so it was that the Knights of Sieraph became different from other Unforgiven, and so it was that the Chapter was truly born.

[Apothete]

Hey there, DarkGuard.

 

I'd meant to come back and do a more serious read of your Chapter after our earlier conversations but life's kept me pretty busy lately. You can count on my feedback coming along in the near future, though.

 

That being said, it's generally considered to be poor form to start multiple threads on the same work. You might want to confine your revisions and proposed changes to the existing thread, editing them back in to the main text of the first post as you reach what you feel is the best version of what you've created so far. That gives you the benefit of having the edited version being the first thing that someone will see when they open the link while also providing a chance for you to get meaningful commentary on anything that you're currently mulling over.

[DarkGuard]

Noted Apothete. I posted this when I was a bit tired last night and couldn't sift through all the other threads I'd done to change everything. I'll do that right now.

 

EDIT: everything transferred over to first thread.

 

Moderati feel free to close this thread down. Sorry again.