More jokes from the Greywolf

[Howling]

Awww looks like someone already came up with my "only space for 10 because of the additional Ale Barrels" idea :P

 

Anyways, good to see the spirit has risen again, forum seemed a bit gloomy lately...

[Grimmwulf]

Blood Claw: I am sorry to interrupt the meeting of the rune priest counsil, but we have several monstrous tyranid creatures approaching our position. They have formed a battle Line and are very resilient to our long range shooting so far.

 

Rune Priest: So, a Line you say lad? Line like in a (24") STRAIGHT line? Go grab an ale and watch how the pros do it!

 

 

 

A Few Minutes Later...

The same Bloos Claw: The Enemy seems to be broken by now. But we still have reports about Liktors haunting the area. we do not know how to keep them off the perimeter.

 

Njal Steps in: Ahhh no worries Pup. They are afraid of my little Birdie here and won't go near him, aye.

 

Several hours later... everybody had already drunk quite some ale.

 

The Tyranids are almost defeated, all that remains are their ships in space. They are keeping out of planetary defensive fire range and no space support is available.

 

Njal: So, my fellow Runepriests... You think these bugs heard about UNLIMITED RANGE yet?

 

All runepriests using psychic Powers to bash hive fleet ships....

 

 

Njal: That was quite exhausting. Time for a little good night barrel and then old Njal will be off to bed.

 

Blood Claw: Sir! We just got a report that some of your psychic powers must have missed and hit a Dark Angels battleship that was patrolling in the adcajent solar system. Their engines are damaged and they are crying our ears full that they will be stuck there for at least 2 month till reinforcements with the parts needed for repairs arrive.

 

Njal: *Chuckles* Yeah, must be getting old. Unlimited Range, hehe.

 

A drinking hall full of wolves raise their Kegs: LONG LIVE THE MIGHTY NJAL!

 

 

A little fun about how awesome our Runepriests will be.

[Lord Howland Greywolf]

I think this is just plan awesome! :lol: Now wish someone would do one about the daemons and the new I wound you on 2+ rune weapon with rune priest! ;)

 

Well I actually did one in my first entry but, what the hell heres anouther.

 

Bloodthirster: Now what should Arkenbrad the slauterer kill today.

Looks around the battle feild. "Bloodclaws? nah, they have a few power fists" Wolf guard terminators? Oh wait, no, TH/SS combo." "Oh hello, a lone psyker, ha! all he has is terminator armour and a force weapon, he needs 6's to even wound me.what a fool"

 

A few hours later in the warp at a rather fine resterount

 

Lord of Change: Thought you said you couldnt make it, there was a battle that you had to get to.

 

BT: Got killed.

 

Keeper of Secrets: Oh yeah by what.

 

BT: Space marine librarian.

 

All the other deamons burst out laughing

 

Great Unclean One: You mean you got killed by a battaling bookworm.

 

BT: He was a space wolf.

 

The other gods stop lauging and stare at the table

 

KoS: Bad luck dude.

 

LoC: What happend next?

 

BT: Well he faild a load of psykic tests and got suked into the warp.

 

GUO: Probably gonna get eaten by one of our boys.

 

BT: Yeah I suppose. Still theres one thing I dont get though.

 

KoS: Yeah.

 

BT: Why did he have a 4+ inv?

 

LoC: That means my freind you got had by Njarl Stormcaller. He's their unique rune preist and a mean one at that.

 

GUO: Well I'd hate to be the deamon who tries to eat him.

 

At this moment the waiter arives delivering thier meal. He lifts up the lid. Underneath a lone figure stands in terminator armour slowly tappping a force staff into his had rythmictly.

 

Njarl: Hello Boys.

 

All Deamons: AAAARGH!

[Grimmwulf]

I would have loved if Njal drank them all under the table next :lol:

[Wolf Lord Loki]

He should have got a Redeemer out of the armoury instead :lol: :lol: ! Shame about the keg of ale though, what a waste :lol: :lol:

 

Keep it up LHG, I'm enjoying these snapshots of our guys interpreting the new codex ;) .

 

Cheers

 

Thorgrim

 

Lol! When asked what happened to the extra carry space in the Landraider the Wolves start wistling tunelessly and covering up the ale barrels at the back of the Land Raider!

[Warhorse47]

Bloodclaw: "I've never seen Warhorse smile before, he's usually all grumpy."

Gray Hunter:" Did you see the Land Raider?"

BC:"The one that looks all swelled out on the sides with the muffled cursing coming from inside?"

GH:"Yup, that one"

BC:"Okay, so why would that make Warhorse smile?"

GH:"He lost a wager on a keg of ale to Decoy and Vassakov"

BC:"Why would that make him happy?"

GH:"The bet was they still couldn't fit Jonas' whole Blood Claw pack in the Raider"

BC""But there's 12 of them"

GH:" Warhorse lost......"

[Jonas Stromclaw]

How'd you know my pack's twelve strong? Must have been hanging out with Njal. Anyway here's my attempt at humor.

 

Wolf Lord: Hey blood sucker! Come 'ere, I wants to try out me new toys on ya!

 

Chaos Lord of Khorne: Haha! Puny wolf, I get 2D6 attacks from my daemon weapon alone!

 

WL: "thinking quickly" Oh yeah! Well come and get me! "dives into group of cultists"

 

CLoK: "charges into melee" Bah coward, come here so I can kill you- By Khorne's left buttock what are you doing?!?!?!

 

WL: "rolls 21 attack dice" Its called saga of the warrior born. It means I get a whole lot more strikes than you.

 

CLoK: Not fair. "strikes back" Ah, double ones, nooooo! "daemon weapon eats him"

 

WL: And my frost blade doesn't chew on me either!

[Spacefrisian]

This is fun.

 

Especially the Landraider thing, seems like we have a new place for his to stash our ale during battle.

[KiltedMarine]

Blood Claw ::whining::- Oh, come on! I don’t want to give up my plasma pistol!

 

Wolf Guard Pack Leader- ::sighs:: Hand it over, whelp. Russ knows you don’t have the brains to shoot it straight anyway. But look on the bright side; you’re now just as skilled as the scouts of our brother Chapters, and you charge harder!

 

BC- That’s only ‘cause they got nerfed! And look at what the old guys got! Double plasma guns, AND a plasma pistol, AND a power fist! Not fair! I hate you! I hate ALL of you! ::tosses plasma pistol on floor of battle barge, stalks off in a huff::

 

Long Fang- Good one, Rolf. What you get for recruiting from the Emo tribe back home.

 

WGPL- Yeah, well, I don’t read LiveJournal, so it doesn’t really matter…

 

**********************

 

Two Grey Hunters are walking through the depths of the Fang, when they hear deep, ringing and slightly inhuman laughter echoing from the depths of the Forgehall. They grab chainswords and draw their bolt pistols, then stalk quietly down the hallway.

 

The laughter stops momentarily, subsides to disturbing giggling, then rises again to maniacal cackling, all in the same deep, basso profundo, semi-mechanical voice. The senior of the two comes to the great doorway from which the laughter is emanating, and peeks around.

 

GH 1- Well, may Russ himself flea-dip me.

 

GH 2- What, brother? What horrible daemon is it? Has one of the Iron Priests awakened a mad machine-spirit? Has one of the Rune Priests become possessed? Is the Old Wolf reading the Codex Astartes to himself again whilst snockered?

 

GH 1- No, brother, none of that. ::holsters pistol, rests chainsword on shoulder:: Come on, back to what we were doing.

 

The laughter wells up again, maniacal as ever, and at the tail end of it can be heard :

“Whooooo’s STILL more venerable? That’s right! I AM!!! BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!”

 

GH 2- What in blazes?

GH 1- Bjorn saw his AV and that invulnerable save of his in the new Codex. He’ll be impossible to live with, I swear…

 

(I always imagine Bjorn sounding like Brian Blessed, for some reason- don't know why...)

[Skirnir Ragefang]

Brian Blessed would be awesome voicing Bjorn :huh:

 

Codex Apothecarius: "Brother Wolfpriest, one of your Squad seems to have fallen ill!"

Wolfpriest: "Ah, no he just drank a tad too much yesterday."

Codex Apothecarius: "But he is frothing at the mouth, howling and has sprouted enormous fangs!"

Wolfpriest: "Poor lad, must be the flu."

Codex Apothecarius: "He just ripped apart three Khorne Berserkers with his bare hands!"

Wolfpriest: "Yeah, the flu can do that to you."

[Hfran Morkai]

Brian Blessed would be awesome voicing Bjorn :huh:

 

Codex Apothecarius: "Brother Wolfpriest, one of your Squad seems to have fallen ill!"

Wolfpriest: "Ah, no he just drank a tad too much yesterday."

Codex Apothecarius: "But he is frothing at the mouth, howling and has sprouted enormous fangs!"

Wolfpriest: "Poor lad, must be the flu."

Codex Apothecarius: "He just ripped apart three Khorne Berserkers with his bare hands."

Wolfpriest: "Yeah, the flu can do that to you."

 

Aaah, dog flu, 'tis a serious affliction!

 

That made me laugh rather hard.

 

Silly people not knowing of Wulfen.

[Rune Priest Ridcully]

Wolf Lord to Wolf Priest: "tell me what happened, one day you and Uranon (points to Rune priest) were just as fast as I, and and Jason ogg(points to Iron Priest) was as tough as you two, the next, you're as slow as dreadnought and Jason keeps getting knocked out, what happened?"

Wolf Priest is about to answer when the Rune priest cuts him off "What happens on Titan, stays on Titan" before dragging the Wolf priest out of the room before he tells the wolf lord, whilst the Iron priest comes over and says "Nice armour, be a shame if no one could repair it" before following the other two priests out the room.

Not that funny I know, I am hoping people will start writing these one shots again, please though look to the preivous posts for insperation, especially the first one, and if any one has any advice on writing funny stuff, please tell me.

[Quannum]

On a battlefield, somewhere, somewhen...

 

 

Chaos Colin: Foul loyalist, we've outnumbered you, outgunned you, and now, outmaneuvering you, we charge. Your bolters won't work in combat!

 

Grey Hunter Gordon: But my good man, don't you know we come with EVERYTHING. Men, Chainswords and Pistols!

 

Colin: Awww, what the f....?

 

Gordon: What's more, check this out!

 

Colin: Wait, wha....

 

Gordon: COUNTER-ATTACK!

 

Colin: ....pwned.

 

Grey Hunter Gordon: You think that's bad, you should watch out for my unhinged buddy Blood Claw Bob over there, he's "Headstrong".

 

Bob: *hair and spittle flying everywhere* BLAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!

[S. Bloodhowl]

Random Thousand Son (bare with me): "SPACE WOLVES!!! OUR ARCHENEMIES!!!!!! AND LOOK! THEY'RE CHARGING TOWARDS US ON WHAT LOOK LIKE GIANT WOLVES!!!!!!!!!"

 

Ahriman: "Don't worry fellow psyker, Lord Magnus himself told me once, all those years ago, that there are no wolves on Fenris. It must be a puny Rune Priest trick, we'll be perfectly fine..."

 

*the Space Wolves are now within shouting distance*

 

Harald Deathwolf: "You're right Ahriman, there are no wolves on Fenris... BECUASE THEY'RE ALL RIGHT HERE BEATING THE SNOT OUT OUT OF YOU!!!!!!"

 

Ahriman: "b-b-but..."

 

*Harald throws something at Ahriman, a squeaky bone*

 

Harald: "Fetch boy!"

 

Ahriman: "Is that all you have? Squeaky to-"

 

*The actions of Canis Wolfborn following these final words have been censored by the Council of Terra, damn spoil-sports*

[Requiem of the Wolf]

Ok this is a reskinned classic,But I think it fits quite well.

 

Somewhere,in a meeting hall in Terra the Chapter Masters of the Adeptus Astartes are gathered together,extolling the virtues of their new Codex's and the bravery of their Marines. Marneus Calgar stood up,raising a hand to attract everyones attention. I have gathered you all here to discuss the new Codex's that have been distributed,so that our Brother Marines may know the abilities of their compatriots. For instance...We have gained these bright shiny relic blades. These are given only to the Bravest of the Veterans who become part of my honor guard. To prove themselves worthy,each Marine goes and finds a Tyrannid Carnofex,and has to slay it single handed. This proves that my Ultramarine Honor Guard are the bravest of all.

 

Next,Dante stood up,his ornate red armor gleaming in the light. "Brother Calgar,I must disagree with you. My Sanguinary Guard,devoted and loyal as befits the Sons of Sanguinius,are the Bravest. As proof of their Dedication,they wear the Death Masks of Sanguinius,another new little toy from our new Codex. So not only are all of our vehicles twice as fast as yours...But when they unleash the Sanguinary Guard,the shiny golden forehead on these masks blind our opponents and make them butterfingered with weapons. And how do I choose the members of the Sanguinary Guard? First,they must be pure in body,mind and soul,able to resist the...dietary supplements that many of my Chapter need to keep our Golden hair so shiny. And then,they must go to a Ork controlled planet,and return with the heads of two Ork Warbosses they defeated solo. That proves that they are indeed the bravest Marines of all.

 

Finally,Logan Grimnir sat,his boots on the table and contemplated the empty Ale horn in his hand speculatively. His eyes fall upon the young Blood Claw standing towards the back of the Room and then he raises his hand,pointing with his empty horn. "You..Blood Claw. Give me your Ale,mine has run dry!" Without missing a beat the Blood Claw responds "Piss off Sir,get one of your own!"

 

Logan looks around at the other Chapter Masters with a smirk "Now...THAT is bravery!"

[WL NiteWolf]

Ok this is a reskinned classic,But I think it fits quite well.

 

Somewhere,in a meeting hall in Terra the Chapter Masters of the Adeptus Astartes are gathered together,extolling the virtues of their new Codex's and the bravery of their Marines. Marneus Calgar stood up,raising a hand to attract everyones attention. I have gathered you all here to discuss the new Codex's that have been distributed,so that our Brother Marines may know the abilities of their compatriots. For instance...We have gained these bright shiny relic blades. These are given only to the Bravest of the Veterans who become part of my honor guard. To prove themselves worthy,each Marine goes and finds a Tyrannid Carnofex,and has to slay it single handed. This proves that my Ultramarine Honor Guard are the bravest of all.

 

Next,Dante stood up,his ornate red armor gleaming in the light. "Brother Calgar,I must disagree with you. My Sanguinary Guard,devoted and loyal as befits the Sons of Sanguinius,are the Bravest. As proof of their Dedication,they wear the Death Masks of Sanguinius,another new little toy from our new Codex. So not only are all of our vehicles twice as fast as yours...But when they unleash the Sanguinary Guard,the shiny golden forehead on these masks blind our opponents and make them butterfingered with weapons. And how do I choose the members of the Sanguinary Guard? First,they must be pure in body,mind and soul,able to resist the...dietary supplements that many of my Chapter need to keep our Golden hair so shiny. And then,they must go to a Ork controlled planet,and return with the heads of two Ork Warbosses they defeated solo. That proves that they are indeed the bravest Marines of all.

 

Finally,Logan Grimnir sat,his boots on the table and contemplated the empty Ale horn in his hand speculatively. His eyes fall upon the young Blood Claw standing towards the back of the Room and then he raises his hand,pointing with his empty horn. "You..Blood Claw. Give me your Ale,mine has run dry!" Without missing a beat the Blood Claw responds "Piss off Sir,get one of your own!"

 

Logan looks around at the other Chapter Masters with a smirk "Now...THAT is bravery!"

 

 

My favorite so far. All of your post have made a crap day worth while. Thank you for all the laughs brothers. I shall drink to you all at fiest tonight.

[Branek Icefang]

Daemon Prince of Tzeentch: HAHAH YOU PUNY SPACE WOLVES CANNOT HARM ME!!!!! WARPTIME!!!!!

 

*DP slaughters an entire blood claw pack before an incredibly drunk rune priest stumbles out of the back of the rhino*

 

Rune Priest: Whats all thish then.... hic!

 

DP: I shall destroy you as well! WARPTIME!!!!!

 

Rune Priest: BAD DAEMON! NO USING WARPTIME! *conks DP on the head with rune weapon*

 

DP: DUDE WHY DID YOU DO THAT NOW I CAN'T GET MY WICKED REROLLS TO HIT AND TO WOUND AGAINST YOU!

 

Rune Priest: Yeah? Well sucks to be you I'm a Beastslayer!

 

DP: What does that mean?

 

Rune Priest: It means I get rerolls to hit and to wound against big fellas with T5 or higher like yourself.

 

DP: Oh well you still 5s to wound me!

 

Rune Priest: 2s actually, fancy new weapon.

 

DP: IN TZEENTCH NAME WHAT CAN'T YOU PRICKS DO?!?!?!?!

 

Rune Priest: Its not like I can summon 2 giant spirit wolves of death or anything.... oh wait I can! FREKI, GERI LUNCH TIME!!!!

 

Battle Sister Cannoness: Ok seriously, if he can do that, what can you do?

 

Njal Stormcaller: Well last time I fought a daemon, Great Unclean Ones were so disgusted by the result they threw up.....

 

Cannoness: Why, what did you do?

 

Njal: Oh something throwing chain lightning around, swinging a runic weapon and wearing Terminator Armor with a 4+ Invulnerable sve that seems "Un-Space marine like"

[Demonslayer]

WL to a GH wondering around: 'Oi you, come here. Wha you doing?'

 

GH: 'Looking for my Brothers'

 

WL: 'Had to much to drink I smell, umm, I got a special job for you'

 

GH looking for away to escape

 

WL: 'How would you Like some TDA' (GH now wishing he didn't fall asleep) 'Here have a SS and TH too'

 

WL: 'I also have some sad news for......'

 

GH cuts in: 'Sorry Lord it won't happen again, I'll get these nice and shiny....'

 

WL: 'No No, they're yours now, but that squad of traitors are laughing how a daemon killed your pack brothers'

 

GH howls with rage.

 

After GH has charged off, WG walks over.

 

WG: 'What's with him, I haven't even told him yet, that......'

 

WL: 'Well I didn't have the heart to tell him that he couldn't fight because you nicked his space in the rhino'

 

WG: 'What did you tell him, he looks more psycho than normal'

 

WL: 'Well I told him that those traitors are laughing how a daemon killed his pack'

 

WG: 'He must still be drunk to believe that, but why give him all the good stuff'

 

WL: 'Well I bet that IG Commander all our ale that one of my Wolves could take on the entire traitor army'

 

WG: 'So what did he bet'

 

WL: 'Well he laughed and said "Even the Space Wolves aren't that good" and bet all his ale and promised to give us some Leman Russes back'

 

WG: 'But we don't need Leman Russes any more'

 

WL: 'I know, but I know an IG commander that's in charge of a brewery that does'

[Quannum]

After a long, hard day's battling, Wolf Guard Willy, and Blood Claw Bob are sitting back on the sofa, sipping some ale, watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

 

 

Bob: (as Wolverine slashes his way through another guard) Duuuuude, this guy is frickin' awesome.

 

Willy: I KNOW! We should totally find him and recruit him - he's got his own Wolf Claws too!

 

Bob: Willy, I hate to say this, but this is only a film. That guy's fictional. Not real. Comprende?

 

Willy: I know that, dude. But so are we. We exist in a made-up universe perpetuated by pubescent boys and 50-year-old virgins. We're not real either.

 

(Suddenly struck by this existential quandry, Bob pulls out his Bolt Pistol, puts it to his temple and pulls the trigger....Click.)

 

Bob: ..."Headstrong" rule. I can never fire this thing....

[Quannum]

In their family home on Fenris, Rune Priest Rodney and his wife Brynhildr are locked in yet another domestic dispute....

 

 

Rodney: ...AGAIN? But she's an insufferable cow of a woman!

 

Brynhildr: Rodney Archibald Grimfang! How dare you speak about my mother like that!

 

Rodney: BY LEMAN'S TESTICLES! She's already visited three times this month! I can't stand it.

 

Brynhildr: Well, she's dropping in an hour, and there's nothing you can do about it.

 

Rodney: Oh yeah? Watch me.....TEMPEST'S WRATH!!!

 

Brynhildr: ...She's taking the Rhino.

 

Rodney: Dang. Where's my meltagun?

 

Brynhildr: RODNEY!

[Requiem of the Wolf]

My favorite so far. All of your post have made a crap day worth while. Thank you for all the laughs brothers. I shall drink to you all at fiest tonight.

To my knowledge that joke has been used to describe both Knights in the SCA,and the different military organizations in the US. Though honestly I think this one is probably my favorite.

 

Another one comes to mind,not so much about the codex's as just a joke that would suit the Sons of Russ well...only problem is it is...well..not appropriate for public forums lol.

[Warhorse47]

Logan and Njal are sitting in a Firenze built hottub with several Bolter Babes outside the Fang when brand new Inquisitor in training comes running from the woods, screaming. Suddenly two Fenrisian Wolves come running after the bleeding and tattered man. Wearing only loincloth, Logan leaps from the hot tub, grabs a ceremonial spear and charges the wolves. The nearest wolf leaped at the Master of the Wolves, only to be swatted aside by the butt of the spear. With blinding sped, Grimnar then slew the other wolf sapping the spear in half, then calmly drove the remains of the spear through the first wolf who had regained it's feet. As a young Blood Claw led the wounded man to the med bay, the Sisters looked on in amazement. The Inquisitor that was the Master of the rescued member of his retinue spoke up. "Master Grimnar, the relationship between the Inquisition and Space Wolves has often been strained, but your courage in rescuing my young charge was well worthy of the highest praise. I am in your debt, thank you." As he walked away, the nearest Bolter Babe looked over and said "That is Inquisitor Snoddlegrass, one of the most influential of his Order." Njal leaned over and said, "That may well be but he knows little of hunting the Wolves of Fenris." Then he called over to anothe Blood Claw, "Son, get us some more ale, and, oh call down and see how the bait is holding up...."

[WL NiteWolf]

After a long, hard day's battling, Wolf Guard Willy, and Blood Claw Bob are sitting back on the sofa, sipping some ale, watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

 

 

Bob: (as Wolverine slashes his way through another guard) Duuuuude, this guy is frickin' awesome.

 

Willy: I KNOW! We should totally find him and recruit him - he's got his own Wolf Claws too!

 

Bob: Willy, I hate to say this, but this is only a film. That guy's fictional. Not real. Comprende?

 

Willy: I know that, dude. But so are we. We exist in a made-up universe perpetuated by pubescent boys and 50-year-old virgins. We're not real either.

 

(Suddenly struck by this existential quandry, Bob pulls out his Bolt Pistol, puts it to his temple and pulls the trigger....Click.)

 

Bob: ...f'ing "Headstrong" rule. I can never fire this thing....

 

Im sorry but please dont bring x-men bs into the 40k world. its just depressing. Please dont come on this board and put down this world that most use as an escape from the day to day grind. Its just dis-respectful. you should be kicked.

[Quannum]

Im sorry but please dont bring x-men bs into the 40k world. its just depressing. Please dont come on this board and put down this world that most use as an escape from the day to day grind. Its just dis-respectful. you should be kicked.

 

:lol:

 

I'm genuinely stumped as to how best to respond to this...

 

I mean, come on man, we're all here having a laugh and making light of things!

 

And as for "you should be kicked"...errr, no. I don't think so.

 

Q

[S. Bloodhowl]

Im sorry but please dont bring x-men bs into the 40k world. its just depressing. Please dont come on this board and put down this world that most use as an escape from the day to day grind. Its just dis-respectful. you should be kicked.

 

:lol:

 

I'm genuinely stumped as to how best to respond to this...

 

I mean, come on man, we're all here having a laugh and making light of things!

 

And as for "you should be kicked"...errr, no. I don't think so.

 

Q

 

I agree (with Quannum), your way too harsh and serious to be a space wolf, go over to the Ultramoronsmarines forum (or drink yourself into a comma)