Blazing Sons - Reworking.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Blazing Sons

http://img13.imageshack.us/img13/1949/blazingsonssymbol.gif

Blazing Sons

2nd Draft

Origins.

The Blazing Sons were brought into being during the exalted eleventh founding of the Adeptus Astartes. The chapter was raised, fresh faced and optimistic from the youth of Terra. Delegations from the First Founding Chapters were arrayed on Mars, seeking their newborn kin to teach them the ways of their heritage. The Blazing Sons were chosen to be the bearers of a new generation of Vulkans legacy, though they did not know so until the Librarian, K'rul of the Salamanders chapter, visited the assembled companies on their final day of training. K'rul had instructed the Techpriests to keep their heritage a secret until he had read the time to be right. Though mystified by their apparent lack of a Primarch the brothers of the Blazing Sons fought all the harder in their training and evaluation to prove themselves just as worthy of the gift of becoming an Astartes as any other. When the emerald armoured Salamanders emerged before the gathered initiates a grave silence fell upon the crowd. Though he spoke quietly, all could feel the warmth in his words and hear them as clear as day. "Welcome, brothers." A great roar erupted from the Sons for they knew theirs was a most noble legacy indeed.

The Sons at that time numbered only six hundred men, time had been against them and their full complement could not have been raised before they were needed to depart their temporary home. Three Strike Cruisers were all that could be spared for the new-found chapter from the forges of Mars. Accompanied by their brothers from the Salamanders the chapter departed into the Warp without a backward glance. Their time was now, and they looked to the future for their destiny. Despite their exultant reunification with their genetic heritage, the Sons collectively felt lost. They had been given an area of operations and the equipment needed to prosecute their duties but they had no home and no specific target for their now pent-up energy.

K'rul and his retainers advised calm and patience for nothing was gained through undue haste. While the Sons heeded their teachers, they could not help but feel as if they had been traveling for an eternity with no clear goal nor end in sight. During their travels the Sons gained their first taste of real warfare and the horrors held within. The blood and fire of liberating two worlds in the grip of civil war and secession from the Imperium hardened the Sons outlook, the tales of the Istvaan Massacre as told by K'rul and the other Salamanders cementing the Sons passion for hunting the heretic and the traitor above all else. Years passed and the chapter slowly began to reduce it's numbers, the inevitability of casualties causing them to lose more and more members that had been with them since the beginning. Again frustration rose to the surface as with each battle the Sons felt further from their heritage than ever. With no place to call home, the Salamanders tales of Nocturne burned brightly in their minds, driving them from system to system in search of a world to call their own.

The Sons travels soon brought them to Segmentum Tempestus. The larger war against the Tyranids consumed such men and resources that the Sons found themselves to be as a drop of water in an ocean. Fate though, had other plans for the Sons. After a particularly perilous warp jump the Sons small fleet was taken by surprise by a renegade Grand Cruiser picking over the remains of a wrecked supply convoy, the timely arrival of an Apocalypse Battleship driving it into the warp before it had time to recover it's scavenger crews but not before the Astartes had lost a handful of escorts.

The Sons were outraged. The hostile ship had born it's Naval colours. Clearly they were scum, pirates and scavengers of the worst kind. They had betrayed their oaths and decided to carve their own path. This was something the Sons could not allow to pass, a catalyst for their aimless frustration. Though furious the Sons still held onto their training and council drummed into them by the Salamanders that accompanied them. The renegade scavengers interred upon the Naval Battleship were unrepentant in the face of their captors, spitting curses at the officers and insulting them for their service of the Emperor. When K'rul arrived to strip from their minds the knowledge the Sons sought their faces paled and suddenly recanted their heretical tirades. Worse than execution was the rending of a mans soul by a Psyker and they knew it, their confessions came too late to save them.

The screams of the traitors still echoed through the halls of the Battleships cell block and beyond when the Astartes fleet leapt once more into the Warp.

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Suggestions welcome.

[Retributis]

As soon as I hear Firaxis I think of the civilisation games.

[Cohort]

Neat. So why did the Cult of the Sun become dominant? And where do the Blazing Sons enter the scene?

 

I'm thinking the chapter fostered the cult and used it to help them regain control of Firaxis.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

I'm thinking the chapter fostered the cult and used it to help them regain control of Firaxis.

 

That's pretty close to what I had in the original draft. I see some things work best in the situation as before.

 

So why did the Cult of the Sun become dominant?

 

Originally it was a response to the unceasing warfare on Firaxis. A social or cultural reaction to changes, or rather lack of change, to the war. It's the sort of sociological change you see in societies and communities undergoing great hardship or change, usually it is marked by a behavioral change in the people. Sometimes it is an acceptance, other times fighting what is happening to them. In a lot of cases the people involved try to rationalize what is going on and they can only do that within the sphere of their own understanding of the world.

 

You see this in how religions grow for example, or how new factions or entirely new belief systems are carved out by people trying to make sense of what is happening to them, or trying to work out why the world is like it is. This is how I see the cult of the Sun growing into what it is supposed to be today.

 

As soon as I hear Firaxis I think of the civilisation games.

 

Well truth be told that's where I got the name from. The thing is that I haven't grabbed it because it's a good name for a planet and that's the end of it. I like it because it has a duality. Firaxis = Fire Axis or the Axis of Fire, and with the Cult of the Sun and the Blazing Sons and a generous smattering of a love of flamers it all tied together quite nicely for me. That said, I could change it with no repercussions. I do like the name for that reason though, even if it is a bit contrived. It doesn't feel like much of a speedbump for the readers to me, but then, I'm not a reader I'm the Author and I'd prefer one of you guys tell me if it's otherwise.

[Ferrus Manus]

I have no issues with Firaxis. It's a bit like an in-joke you have to be in on to understand, otherwise it flies over your head.

 

That said, I'd like to know more about the Chapter's relationship with the Order. How did it form? Why did the Order become an almost integral extension of the Chapter? What use do they have for the Chapter? That interests me.

[Cohort]

I agree, Firaxis is a cool name despite whatever ties it has to another game.

 

And definitely work on the connection between the Order and the Chapter, there's a lot of room for characters and character in there.

 

And hey, its alright, I've found my original ideas are sometimes the best because they're the most original. Unless they're totally cliche, but what you have here is original. Take hold of it and make it work!

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

That said, I'd like to know more about the Chapter's relationship with the Order. How did it form? Why did the Order become an almost integral extension of the Chapter? What use do they have for the Chapter? That interests me.

 

Well the way I imagined it was that the order grew because of a sociological need for structure and reason to do with the constant fighting. I should clarify, by constant I don't mean in the same sense as the wider constant wars all across the Imperium that are waged day-in day-out, 24/7. I mean in the way that none of the clans trust each other and are constantly mounting campaigns against each other. One week two clans can be allied and a month later they are bitter enemies. If it was as constant as the grimdark Imperium then the population would exhaust itself too soon.

 

The Order is subsumed into the Blazing Sons upon their arrival at Firaxis. The chapter master sees it as a way to unite the disparate clans in service to the Emperor, even if they still openly oppose one another. The Order is also a convenient way of having a forceful hand among the planets leadership. While the Blazing Sons do not pretend to rule Firaxis, they will subtly alter the process of succession among the clans to favor stability.

 

The other reason the Order is taken into the Chapter is because it is the last remaining religion or cult to worship the Emperor. Originally the world had been liberated during the great crusade in a similar manner as to when the Blazing Sons arrive. However, since the world is was not strategically important for any reason it was abandoned during the Heresy. Those that were left behind fell into the old ways and until the forming of the Order and the coming of the Blazing Sons would have stayed that way. Thousand year old blood-feuds are not the easiest thing to remedy. The Order though, keeps things from boiling over. They also serve as the planets garrison, having weapons and armour forged for them by the Sons own facilities.

 

They serve as the chapter serfs, they crew the ships and man the Sons defences when attacked at home. I see them also as a good way to deal with the failed recruits for the Sons who, while having survived the process are not ideal in one way or other. It gives them somewhere to go and to be appreciated without having them kept around almost as slaves or at best, servants.

 

This isn't to say they break separation of power that has kept the Imperiums forces so isolated from one another, there are at most a couple of thousand members of the Order itself at any one time, most of which are on the homeworld.

 

At least, that was my original thought process.

 

*Edit*

New draft has replaced the original first post.

[Starblayde]

Hey there. Just commenting on the re-written OP first, rather than the older version of the IA (which I assume is subject to all sorts of changes into this second version).

 

Firstly, why where the Blazing Sons new recruits trained in isolation on Terra? I know we don't know the front to back process of how new chapters are formed, but where did their indoctrination as Astartes come from? The opening paragraph confuses me a little, in this regard, as it seems the Adeptus Mechanicus have trained them up to Neophyte/Scout level, and then the First Founding chapters come along to pick up their kids (who have never seen them before, of course) from daycare, before swiftly shooing them off into the big bad world.

 

It may be a matter of personal taste, but it doesn't quite mesh with the standard variations of chapter creation for me. It seems like you're trying to shoehorn a birth on Terra into the beginnings of the chapter, rather than have them come from the Salamanders themselves. Naturally it does give the chapter a sense of not belonging anywhere, which is explored well, but the sudden jolt of them coming into being seems a little... out of place. I can picture two High Lords of Terra having a discussion where one asks "Don't you think just grabbing some Terrans and then telling them they're now Salamanders-successors without a home planet will leave them disconnected from the Imperium and their ultimate loyalties?" and the other one sorta shrugs and they carry on regardless. Admittedly the Imperium does seem to work this way sometimes, but it just doesn't feel right to me.

 

My other point is the narrative of the pirates situation, as I'm not quite sure who's chasing who and appearing in the nick of time. I'm not familiar with the ship types, which doesn't help me, but I get completely lost in the penultimate paragraph. Which set of minds does K'rul wipe, and why? Also, what knowledge were the Sons seeking, as the way I read it: i) they wanted to destroy the renegade Navy unit, ii) they didn't because of their discipline and training, then iii) K'rul came and removed their Sons' souls because they were after some knowledge.

 

I'm guessing that was a result of some paragraph chopping, Emperor knows I've done that enough time0s and ended up with two random sentences spliced together. If not, of course, then I may just be being thick at twenty to midnight!

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Thanks for the comments Starblayde. It seems I have some work to do.

 

Firstly, why where the Blazing Sons new recruits trained in isolation on Terra?

 

It's not so much that they are trained in isolation, but common belief is that new chapters are not just given a few marines and sent off with a single ship. Most of the time they are trained up to a necessary level with enough men to allow them to sustain themselves. Without a homeworld or anything else the recruits have to come from somewhere and without them being shipped in from the parent chapters homeworld (who aren't always informed or indeed whether they care if they have a new successor) I would assume they come from Terra. They can't very well come from Mars either as, well, it doesn't so much have a human population. It was done this way during the Great Crusade and I think it's a point of convenience for the creation of a chapter, to expedite the process.

 

First Founding chapters come along to pick up their kids (who have never seen them before, of course) from daycare, before swiftly shooing them off into the big bad world.

 

Ah well, that's not quite how I envisioned it, but the analogy made me laugh! Well it's generally accepted that newly formed chapters have a training cadre from one of the older more established chapters. Now, for an Ultramarines successor the training cadre can come from any number of hundreds of chapters that are of the same lineage. In fact almost every other geneseed bar those from Vulkan and Russ can have help from other descendants of the same genes. The Salamanders have no (officially recognized) successors so I simply brought their training cadre in as Salamanders because I didn't have much of a choice. Yes I could use a different chapter who are unrelated to the Salamanders, I could even use one of their unnoficial successors but part of the chapter was to be that they have learned from the Salamanders teachings.

 

All that said I could rewrite this quite easily to better reflect not-shoe-horning in the first founding chapters.

 

"Don't you think just grabbing some Terrans and then telling them they're now Salamanders-successors without a home planet will leave them disconnected from the Imperium and their ultimate loyalties?"

 

Well the thing is, a lot of chapters are sent off without a homeworld and are set to discover one for themselves, choosing one that suits them. So far as I know this is usual practice. The indoctrination is in of itself supposed to ward against disloyalty to the Imperium and the training cadre from an older more experienced chapter is supposed to guide them to where they need to be.

 

Being disconnected because of a lack of a homeworld is not a common thing, but it is something I wanted to work into my marines as the connection to their eventual homeworld.

 

Which set of minds does K'rul wipe, and why?

 

He doesn't wipe anyone's minds. He tears information he needs from the minds of the traitors that are captured when the Grand Cruiser is forced to jump into the warp prematurely.

 

they wanted to destroy the renegade Navy unit

 

You had it in the first one! I think I might have dropped a couple of constructive sentences somewhere along the way, this shouldn't be confusing. I'll have to look into it. Or at it. Or, well, something.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

I should actually point out where I want the IA to go in this bit.

 

The Blazing Sons persue the renegade cruiser to find them raiding the until-now Firaxis for slave-labor. Perhaps more ships are present, giving a legitimate naval battle in orbit. I was playing with the idea of scrapping the natives going to chaos, replacing them instead with the desperate escaped crewmen from the renegade ships who are predictably destroyed by the marines small fleet.

 

Earlier problems notwithstanding, I do need to edit this a bit especially as I think it's a bit too long for it's own good, especially given where it's headed.

[Donkey Kong]

The chapter was raised, fresh faced and optimistic from the youth of Terra.

 

new generation of Vulkan’s legacy

,

 

A question would rise on whether or not they noticed their skin mutation? Do you have an explanation for this or do they just not know?

 

six hundred men

While there’s nothing wrong with this, I would assume that Astartes would fit better than men, if only to identify them as being more than Imperial Guardsmen. Men sounds too insignificant, but it’s just my choice of words.

 

Years passed and the chapter slowly began to reduce its numbers

 

Fate though, had other plans for the Sons.

This doesn’t read right. Either the though shouldn’t be there or it should be “Fate, thought, had …”

 

before it had time to recover its scavenger crews but not before the Astartes had lost a handful of escorts.

 

The hostile ship had born its Naval colours.

Besides the typo, I don’t understand this. Did the ship have Imperial Navy colors, or something else?

 

to strip from their minds the knowledge the Sons sought their faces paled and suddenly recanted their heretical tirades.

Wording doesn’t make sense here.

 

Worse than execution was the rending of a man’s soul by a Psyker and they knew it, their confessions came too late to save them.

[Tyrannicide]

Years passed and the chapter slowly began to reduce its numbers

 

before it had time to recover its scavenger crews but not before the Astartes had lost a handful of escorts.

 

The hostile ship had born its Naval colours.

Besides the typo...

 

All those examples are grammatically correct. 'Its' is a possessive pronoun and shows ownership over something, while 'it's' is a contraction and short for 'it is' or 'it has'.

 

So for example on that first sentence, it wouldn't read: "Years passed and the Chapter slowly began to reduce it is numbers." Instead it reads, showing possession: "Years passed and the Chapter slowly began to reduce it's numbers." As in it's own numbers. Anyways grammar lesson over, I hate it as much as anyone else. :)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Anyways grammar lesson over, I hate it as much as anyone else.

 

I battle back and forth with Grammar over and over with every single ruddy thing I write. ;)

 

Much like in the grimdark Imperium, the war with proper grammar is eternal. :D

 

Any thoughts on the direction of the narrative?

[Codex Grey]

As a story, it's great, but as an article I'm not sure. I just can't see this style work in any other section than the Origins. And I'm a fan of the traditional style as well.

 

But, if you somehow managed to keep this narrative style throughout the article, it might work. You'll will probably end up with a very long article, but the product might be something different than normal and cool at the same time. Plus, it seems like you're on a roll now so it would be sad to start over again.

 

 

Also, you mention the Tyranids, but this is right after the eleventh founding....

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Also, you mention the Tyranids, but this is right after the eleventh founding....

 

 

Ergh..... That comes from staring at the bloody starmap in my sig before writing rather than actually checking my dates. I know the Tyranids aren't there till M41..... bah. I'll just call it a fluff-up and remove the references. Thanks for catching that Grey, even if it is a little embarressing to make such a mistake after hanging around Liber for so long.

[sgtNACHO]

Why you gotta steal my name Grey? haha kidding, but I saw this thread and was like Who remade my thread! Then I saw your name.

[Philip S]

Great opening and I love the art!

 

I think you could do with a bit more about the Psyker (K'rul) interrogations - and were the renegades cursing marines? You say 'officers' is that the old navy officers or? I'm a little confused at that part.

 

Perhaps make it clear who the renegades are cursing, how they were taken, and maybe say they 'fell silent' or were 'stunned' when they saw the marines (after all they are angels!). After the first renegade feels the lash of psionic power from K'rul then, the fear takes them all, and you can have them wail and beg for mercy (after all to most K'rul is merely looking at the man, and perhaps add some mystery to his power, more 'presence' and instilling the 'need to confess' in the face of such glorious power?)

 

Philip

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Thanks Phillip!

 

I think you could do with a bit more about the Psyker (K'rul) interrogations - and were the renegades cursing marines? You say 'officers' is that the old navy officers or? I'm a little confused at that part.

 

With more than a few people being confused I know now that I've fallen into my own pitfall, not explaining well enough. I knew what was going on and I didn't realise at the time that no one else would in the same way.

 

Perhaps make it clear who the renegades are cursing, how they were taken, and maybe say they 'fell silent' or were 'stunned' when they saw the marines (after all they are angels!). After the first renegade feels the lash of psionic power from K'rul then, the fear takes them all, and you can have them wail and beg for mercy (after all to most K'rul is merely looking at the man, and perhaps add some mystery to his power, more 'presence' and instilling the 'need to confess' in the face of such glorious power?

 

This is a good direction to take and a good way of going about getting across what I want to get across. Thanks for the ideas Phillip, much appreciated. :P

 

*EDIT*

Great opening and I love the art!

 

The top piece was done by freej who has subsequently dropped off the face of the earth. The marine was altered by the ever-so-talented Dazzo who I think you know all too well. ;)

[Philip S]

Thanks for the ideas Phillip, much appreciated. ;)

You're welcome mate, I think you have a good chapter there.

 

By the way, since you wrote it in bold; twice, my name only has one 'L' - the original 'Philip' not the variant 'Phillip' :)

 

Philip

[Ace Debonair]

Well, that's really good.

 

Kind of left wondering what happens next, however.

Also wondering how strongly the ties to the Salamanders effect your chapter for organisation and combat doctrine, too.

 

The earlier posts talk about a homeworld, which appears to be completely absent now from what I've just read.

 

I'm not sure if the fact only the origins section is displaying is the work of your editing, or my PC throwing a massive fit over loading the rest of it. :lol:

If the former, I'd certainly like to see more on these guys. :D

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

I'm not sure if the fact only the origins section is displaying is the work of your editing, or my PC throwing a massive fit over loading the rest of it.

 

No your computer isn't dying Ace, It's the only piece I've posted so far. I've been trying to reconcile the problems I already have in the piece I've gotten here before writing any more.

 

Thanks for the compliments!

 

And Philip, sorry! :)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Threadomancy extreme!

 

After having a bit of a crash-and-burn with the corsairs with the loss of my original notes - yes I have found them and am currently trying to put a new first draft - I thought I would look into the Blazing Sons, the only other chapter of my own creation to actually make it past the first draft.

 

Unfortunately the excellent marine with the golden plate above for a kneepad created by dazzo has been lost (How? I have no clue I thought I had it on my PC. aparrently not) Despite the setback the work itself should continue I think, though I am struggling where to go with them.

 

I won't alter the first post for now but for anyone new in coming to this thread the Blazing Sons are thus:

 

Salamanders Successors.

 

Black Templar esque attitude, though not the same beliefs.

 

Love of all things that ignite in a conflagration.

 

Saxon/early norse culture and aesthetic influence.

 

Homeworld is the subject of a nurgle plague attack, leading to an epic and wonderfully imagined (in my mind) battle against zombies with a lot of flamers!

 

 

Aaaaand that's all I have for now. Basically I'm wondering if putting in the effort to reboot these guys is worth it.

[Ace Debonair]

Threadomancy extreme!

 

What sorcery is this? Someone fetch the inquisitors! :P

 

After having a bit of a crash-and-burn with the corsairs with the loss of my original notes - yes I have found them and am currently trying to put a new first draft - I thought I would look into the Blazing Sons, the only other chapter of my own creation to actually make it past the first draft.

 

Unfortunately the excellent marine with the golden plate above for a kneepad created by dazzo has been lost (How? I have no clue I thought I had it on my PC. aparrently not) Despite the setback the work itself should continue I think, though I am struggling where to go with them.

 

You lost the picture of the marine for these guys and the notes for the Corsairs? :huh:

You'll have to take better care of the glorious histories of these chapters, buddy. I mean, for instance, I've got all my notes right he-

Uh oh. :blink:

I won't alter the first post for now but for anyone new in coming to this thread the Blazing Sons are thus:

 

Salamanders Successors.

 

Black Templar esque attitude, though not the same beliefs.

 

Love of all things that ignite in a conflagration.

 

Saxon/early norse culture and aesthetic influence.

 

Homeworld is the subject of a nurgle plague attack, leading to an epic and wonderfully imagined (in my mind) battle against zombies with a lot of flamers!

 

 

Aaaaand that's all I have for now. Basically I'm wondering if putting in the effort to reboot these guys is worth it.

 

What kind of question is that? Your chapters are generally awesome. I'll have to ask what sort of personality the Blazing Sons are going to have, though. Are they anything like the Corsairs Serpentis or the Bloodsworn?

 

Since you're planning on starting over with the Blazing sons I won't add anything else, except that you might need more than three strike cruisers to move 600 marines. ;)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

You lost the picture of the marine for these guys and the notes for the Corsairs?

 

Well the notes for the Corsairs were physical bits of paper and files on the computer. And without the entirety of the notes the bits remaining lose coherency and confuse me to no end.

 

The image of the Blazing Son was one I thought I had saved to my hard-drive but evidently did not for whatever reason and when it was removed, presumably by Dazzo from whatever host he was using, it was lost and much to my chagrin because it was very cool. :)

 

What kind of question is that? Your chapters are generally awesome.

 

I think I should blush here, but my man-card is giving me electric shocks to keep me grounded. Thank you Ace.

[

I'll have to ask what sort of personality the Blazing Sons are going to have, though.

 

Well in my mind I find them as a cross between the Templars and the Space Wolves in character. Much like the pre-heresy Luna Wolves. They are tough, rough individuals from a cold and harsh feudal world as the Wolves are. However, they have a great and passionate faith or chapter cult that they adhere to and which binds them all together much like the Templars have their faith in the Emperor.

 

They would probably get on well with your Stonebound.

 

except that you might need more than three strike cruisers to move 600 marines. ;)

 

Sure they can! They would just have to give up the billiards and poker rooms for extra bunk space, and perhaps put some couches in the embarkation bays.....

[Ace Debonair]

You lost the picture of the marine for these guys and the notes for the Corsairs?

 

Well the notes for the Corsairs were physical bits of paper and files on the computer. And without the entirety of the notes the bits remaining lose coherency and confuse me to no end.

Heh. I had the foresight to computerize everything. Then back it up. Twice. :(

Oh, except my stuff for the Rift Lords. Although that was flawed anyway, so that wasn't a great loss. I can talk history with Lord Maluk and his bunch another time. ;)

 

I'll have to ask what sort of personality the Blazing Sons are going to have, though.

 

Well in my mind I find them as a cross between the Templars and the Space Wolves in character. Much like the pre-heresy Luna Wolves. They are tough, rough individuals from a cold and harsh feudal world as the Wolves are. However, they have a great and passionate faith or chapter cult that they adhere to and which binds them all together much like the Templars have their faith in the Emperor.

 

They would probably get on well with your Stonebound.

Maybe they would, but that'll depend on how the Stonebound actually turn out. :)

Well, as before, I am looking forward to seeing more on these guys.

 

except that you might need more than three strike cruisers to move 600 marines. :P

 

Sure they can! They would just have to give up the billiards and poker rooms for extra bunk space, and perhaps put some couches in the embarkation bays.....

I kept the billiard rooms in mine. I just tied a few hammocks up in some of the lower-deck corridors - there's lots of nook/cranny space to be exploited down there. :P