Inquisitorial Retinue

[TheOtakuGundam]

i have devised my inquisitorial retinue and wanted to see what you guys thought.

 

fluff:

Inquisitor Caiaphas Ieyren is a relatively new inquisitor have only been in the service of the Inquisition for about 100 years. he has been in many actions, defeat of the daemons of chaos on the shrine world of Aroon, the loss and metallic rebirth of Dragon Guard Chapter Master Harkion by the Tau on Hath IV, the purging of Noctis Ultra from the corrupted Salamanders and the annihilation and exterminatus of the rogue Blood Angels held world of Borgon VII. Recently the Inquisition assigned him Acolyte Kyrros from the Empire. Over the years he has seen the best trained warriors in the galaxy and has chosen some of the best to be a part of his team of imperial crusaders. On one of his investigatory trips to Cadia, he discovered the hidden training facility of the Inquisitorial Stormtroopers. As he researched the students he saw one that caught his eye; Trooper Roy "Molten Lava" Lavarus. Lavarus had an affinity for the head and was given one of the few meltaguns assigned that day. Upon receiving the weapon he proceed to go outside and test it out, on the commissar's new command salamander. In just one shot, the Salamander was nothing but a pile of molten slag. from that moment, Ieyren knew he had to have Lavarus as a part of his team. Later that day after "acquiring Lavarus through simple and kind measures", Kyyros noticed and young man engaging in target practice with the "snipers" of the academy, with a plasma gun. This young man's name is Hlaine IIore .He quickly pointed this out to the inquisitor, who acquired him also, this time "relieving the duties of those who opposed the 'transfer'". Inquisitor Ieyrens personal ship, The Emperor's Hammer, left Catachan with few more members in tow. As they neared Cadia a chaos battleship emerged from the Eye of Terror, The Death of the Emperor. The Death of the Emperor immediately opened fire upon the smaller ship, doing some minor damage to the hull. Imperial Navy Senior Gun Officer Fren Krep (tentative), targeted the older chaos ship's weak points and destroyed it with the ships laser batteries. Fren Krep was given the Laurels of Courage by Ieyren himself and promptly "asked" to join the team Ieyren was forming. after some "unique convincing methods" by Kyyros, Fren Krep was cajoled into leaving his luxurious Navy life for tough life on the battlefield.

 

 

-What do you guys think. Its my first fluff.

[Gyson_Vore]

Honestly, it seems alright, although it seems like you are making your retinue along the lines of 'super-heroes'. A couple of points I think (in my opinion) should be reconsidered are as followed:

-Some of the prior service of the Inquisitor, it just seems a little too fanciful. Like the death and metallic rebirth part.

-Acolytes are not 'assigned', they are chosen by the Inquisitor themselves as those they deem as likely candidates for bearing the mantel of Inquisitor.

-An acolyte doesn't add people to the retinue, though they do sometimes make suggestions.

-Molten Lava? I think the name itself (possibly shortened last name to be used as the nickname) works better. Also, it may work better if he had a long term 'knack' For using the Melta Gun (Though I do like the bit about the Commissar's Salamander)

-A Plasma gun lacks the range of a sniper rifle, though accuracy with the weapon would not impress me as much as the ability to keep it from blowing up.

-You say the Inquisitor went to Cadia, then say they leave Catachan on the way to Cadia. Slight slip there.

-I would recommend a bit more research on Ships and their capabilities. To target the weak spots on a ship is a lot harder than it sounds.

 

It is a solid start, but definetly needs some refinement.

[TheOtakuGundam]

Thank you for the tips.

a) The chapter master of my Dragon Guard space marines was mortally injured and incased in a venerable dread.

:( Kyrros was recruited from the Imperial Guard officer academy on Markan's fourth moon.

c) sorry, the blood angels battle was a defeat in which Ieyren lost his left eye and a part of his left hand to a blood angels commander.

d) i meant to elaborate on the acquisition of IIore. He was "scouted" by Kyrros but approved by Ieyren after rigorous mental and physical trials.

e) Lavarus, "Lava" (didn't realize it was in his name!) has an affinity for heat and a knack for finding the weak point in any structure or vehicle, at one pojnt melting a part of The Emperor's Hammer. (maybe?) IIore was practicing with his plama gun, hitting the bulls eyes with the accuracy of a vindicare assassin (one of which will later tutor the young man in the s of a gun and "headshots") tentative. when he was scouted. both were discovered on Jadrog II

The destruction of the chaos battleship is a joke because Kren and Frep are the characters in Turn Signals On a Land Raider. and they are known for getting destroyed, maimed, dropped, etc in virtually every battle.

 

I will add the info about the Vindicare assassin and my grand master later along with the history of the Dragon Guard.