Jump to content

Heralds of Equinox


Darkapostle222

Recommended Posts

[img; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">http://i817.photobucket.com/albums/zz96/Darkapostle222/THEEQUINOX.jpg[/img]
Heralds of Equinox Chapter Symbol

I
n M35 a Chapter was created using the Geneseed of Dorn to watch a small warp storm. Due to little activity in the area, few thought that anything miraculous would happen to the Chapter. They had no idea how wrong they were. In time the Chapter would brake off from the High Lords of Terra and set upon its own path, creating their own vision of humanity that would shake the very foundations of the Churches of Chaos and the Emperor.

Sentinels of Dorn
I
n the year 598.M35, the same time as founding of the Lamenters, Astral Claws, Mantis Warriors, and Exicutioners, the High Lords of Terra began to receive word of Chaos activity in the Warp Storm The Storm of the Emperor's Wrath. Due to its proximity to the Segmentum Solar and more specifically Holy Terra, the Lords decided to commission the creation of a Chapter to watch over the Warp Storm much like those who watch over the Eye of Terror or the Maelstrom.

The High Lords chose the Imperial Fists as the progenitor for the new chapter due to their pure Gene-Seed and stalwart loyalty to the Imperium, traits that they hoped would be passed on to the fledgling chapter. Within a few months, Captain Jarold of the Imperial Fists' Fifth Company lead a force of Veterans and Battle-Brothers to the Warp Storm in order to train the new Space Marines.

spacemarine.jpg
Sentinels of Dorn Battle-Brother

Naming themselves the Sentinels of Dorn, the Chapter organized itself and carried itself much like the Imperial Fists, taking up the ideas of honor duels, following the Codex Astartes, and acting with the same stubborn attitude. As the Chapter was deemed able to survive by itself Jarold gave his men a choice: Stay with the new Chapter or leave with him. In the end the twenty of the Veterans and eighty Battle-Brothers and Scouts decided to stay and lead the Sentinels of Dorn, perhaps hoping to guide the Chapter and keep it true to the ideals of the Imperium.

The Mystery Planet
T
he Sentinels would spend the next years patrolling their territory from their homeworld of Equinox. The Chapter fought numerous small engagements against marauding Ork Waaaghs!, Eldar Pirates, and Chaos Renegades , but discontent between the marines began to grow as they felt that they had yet to truly test their mettle. Rumors spread that some Battle-Brothers believed that the Lords of Terra had only commissioned their creation only to guard a Warp Storm that posed no threat to the Imperium and that the High Lords did not recognize their worth. As these ideas turned rebellious and began to spread throughout the Sentinels, only one man was capable of guiding the chapter back to the right path.

Chapter Master Mallus was well loved by those under his command. He often personally lead the Sentinels into battle and made it a habit to get to know all of his Battle-Brothers on a personal level. Even though his rank put him above the rank and file, Mallus would always say that all of them were brothers and that he was superior to them in name only. Under the laurels that came with being a Chapter Master, Mallus was just a normal Battle-Brother and made sure that his brothers knew this. As the rumors reached his ears, Mallus knew that he had to cut out these thoughts immediately. He went from company to company, squad to squad, talking to every Battle-Brother personally. He told them that he understood why they were upset and that he shared their discontent, but that was no reason to contemplate rebellion. As Space Marines they had a duty to defend the Imperium against all threats and hold that above all else. He also reminded them that they needed to know that a time would come when they would be able to prove their worth and fight a glorious battle in the name of the Imperium. His Battle-Brothers took Mallus' words to heart and their love for their Chapter Master was at a all time high.

Just as the talks of rebellion vanished, the unexpected happened. Long range auspices on Equinox picked up an extremely large object coming out of The Storm of the Emperor's Wrath. Knowing that an object of this size was most assuredly dangerous, the Sentinels quickly mobilized their six companies and made for the object. When they finally reached the location what they saw shocked them all. The object wasn't a Space Hulk or some massive fleet. It was a planet. A quick scan of the planet revealed that it was completely barren and lifeless, except for a massive, ruined cities that covered large portions of the surface. Chapter Master Mallus immediately ordered his forces to search the largest city and in short time the first, second, and third companies descended onto the planet via drop-pod and Thunderhawks.

The Sentinels of Dorn, once reaching the city, confirmed what the planetary scan had suggested. The city was devoid of life, but signs showed that there had been people living there before. The streets were littered with skeletons, craters, wrecked vehicles, and, more surprisingly, the remnants of Space Marines. However, the armor was too old to tell who it had belonged to, but they definitely were of an older mark.

The marines went from building to building, finding nothing until Mallus reached a large pyramid like structure. Though its surface was smashed and pock marked, the inside was largely intact. Moving through the structure, the Sentinels found the corpses of even more Space Marines. It was obvious that a great battle had been fought here, but by who and why was impossible to tell. After a long while of wandering through the labyrinth of passageways Mallus entered a large room. The walls were lined with bookshelves that went up to the ceiling. The sheer number of books was staggering. There were easily over a hundred thousand works stretching in every direction.

Mallus was drawn towards a large tome in the middle of the room sitting on a large, ornate pedestal. Flipping to the first page Mallus found a symbol in the form of a sun starring up at him. As he began to read through the book, Mallus made a shocking discovery. These books had belonged to the Thousand Sons Legion before the onset of the Horus Heresy. This planet must have been one of the Legion's library worlds that had been sucked into the Warp during the great war. He secretly stole some of the largest volumes and returned with them to Equinox after ordering for the rest to be burned.

Coming of the Equinox
M
allus spend the following months going over the gathered texts, passing his commanding duties to the First Captain. In that time he read book after book, absorbing the knowledge of the Warp as it was written by Magnus the Red and his followers. In time Mallus began to see the Warp differently. He didn't see it as the dangerous dangerous and uncontrollable dimension in the way the Imperium viewed it. Neither did he view it as the home of unimaginable power and glory like the Chaos Legions. Instead Mallus saw the Warp as a necessary tool in the evolution of humanity. He believed that it was controllable and was the next step humanity's destiny. He viewed the hatred that the worshippers of the Chaos Gods and the Emperor held each other in was foolish and only ensured that humanity would meet a bloody end. Instead he saw that he could save humanity by melding the faiths of the Emperor and Chaos together and ensure this by creating an eternal balance between Order and Chaos.

Finally re-emerging from his private study, Mallus told his Sentinels of Dorn what had to be done in order to assure humanity's survival. His men roared in anger at what he suggested and labeled him a traitor and a heretic. Groups of Marines drew their bolters and aimed at their Chapter Master, but none found the strength to pull the trigger. They couldn't bring themselves to kill the one person they saw as a father figure. Mallus pleaded with his men to listen to him, reminding them of how much he cared for him and begged them to let him speak. Out of loving respect for Mallus, the Sentinels lowered their weapons and listened. As Mallus finished his speech, they realized what he was asking them to do. They would be sacrificing everything they had ever known and perhaps even their souls in order to save humanity from its own demise. They took heart in the realization that by doing this they would be fulfilling their roles as Space Marines, sacrificing themselves to save those they had sworn to protect. This, Mallus told him, was the moment they had been waiting for since their inception, where they would finally prove their worth.

It was around this time that word of the Sentinel's discovery on the dead world reached the ears of Ordo-Hereticus Inquisitor Mordai Zeln. Shocked and angered that the Marines had not reported this discovery sooner, he gathered a force of Sisters of Battle, Imperial Navy Ships, and two Guardsmen regiments and arrived above Equinox. The Inquisitor demanded that the Sentinels hand over all of the heretical material as well as Chapter Master Mallus for questioning. The response shocked everyone. The Sentinels' fleet, hiding behind Equinox's moons, suddenly began a massive breakout. Smashing through the Inquisitor's forces in a heavy firestorm, the fleet escaped beyond the reach of the Imperial Navy forces and plunged into The Storm of The Emperor's Wrath. Infuriated that the rebel Astartes had escaped, Inquisitor Zeln called for the destruction of Equinox and his orders were carried out in the following Exterminatus.

csm.php?bpe=000000&bpj=000000&bp=000000&bpc=FFFFFF&bpn=FFFFFF&hdt=000000&hrn=876024&hdm=000000&hdl=000000&ey=C9B412&er=000000&pi=000000&nk=000000&ch=000000&abs=000000&bt=000000&btd=BA1414&cod=000000&ull=000000&lll=000000&lft=000000&url=000000&lrl=000000&rft=000000&slt=000000&sli=FFFFFF&srt=000000&sri=FFFFFF&ula=000000&lel=000000&lla=000000&lh=000000&ura=000000&rel=000000&rla=000000&rh=000000&ri=FFFFFF&tr=FFFFFF&bg=FFFFFF&rb=FFFFFF&gr=FFFFFF&grid=TRUE&
Heralds of Equinox Chaos Marine
Now free from the prying eyes of the High Lords and the Inquisition, the Sentinels set about reorganizing themselves. No longer would they be known as the Sentinels of Dorn, for that name was no longer appropriate for their new purpose in life. They would now be known as the Heralds of Equinox. They would herald the time when all of humanity would be united in the perfect existence between light and dark. Staying true to these ideas, the Chapter organised itself so that half began to worship the Gods of Chaos while the other half continued to venerate the Emperor. Mallus gave up his title of Chapter Master and renamed himself Lord Equinox, master of both Order and Chaos. Since then the Heralds of Equinox have been making their way towards the Eye of Terror, attacking both Loyalist and Traitors in their efforts to prevent one side from gaining an advantage over the other.

Homeworld
E
quinox was a very unique specimen of a planet with half of the planet forever under the scorching blaze of the sun and the other facing the cold embrace of space. It was a dry, rocky world of deserts, mountain ranges with mist-covered peaks, shadowy valleys, and had little or no surface water except for patches of water ice on the night side. It also possessed a thin, but breathable atmosphere. Because of its unusual day-night rotation period, atmospheric conditions on Equinox's surface were characterized by extremely high winds (reaching 500 kilometers per hour) scouring the surface and sculpting the landscape and unpredictable bursts of heat called heat, which could reach 300 degrees centigrade. The more extreme heat storms sometimes moved across the terminator and reached miles underground, making caves near the surface temporarily uninhabitable, before eventually dying out on the night side. Along the terminator lay a thin habitable border, a twilight realm between the two extremes. Along this narrow strip were the series of caverns and underground cities of the inhabitants, blockaded with thick blast doors and portcullises to keep out the vicious monsters that prowled the Bright Lands.

http://galacticbattle.net/ryloth.jpg
Equinox

The people of Equinox were an ardently religious, praying many times a day to the God-Emperor. Living on a Death World, the people believed that their everyday survival was dependent on the Emperor's will. However, there is another reason for the people's reverance. The Storm of the Emperor's Fury enveloped Equinox's sister system. The people of Equinox viewed this fate as punishment for the people's sins and in order to avoid a similar fate they had taken up stricter religious policies then many other planets within the Imperium.

The Sentinels of Dorn's Fortress Monastery was located in the roughly in the middle of the temperate zone on the planet's north pole. The Monastery wasn't a single building, but in fact several buildings scattered around the inside of a massive Sinkhole. Numerous orbital battaries scattered around the edge of the sinkhole and the surrounding are helped protect the Monestary from attack.

The planet and its people no longer exist however, having been obliterated in and Exterminatus ordered by the Ordo-Hereticus. The Heralds of Equinox now conduct their operations from their large fleet that continues to prowl towards the Eye of Terror.

Combat Doctrine

T
he combat methods of the Heralds of Equinox carry over from when they were still known as the Sentinels of Dorn. This means that over all their Doctrine does not deviate from the guidelines set down by the Codex Astartes or more specifically the Imperial Fists. The Heralds, much like the Imperial Fists Chapter, are known to be overly stubborn, holding positions no matter the opposition. In fact the Heralds are known to suddenly and unexpectedly sally forth from their positions to charge their enemies, throwing caution to the wind in order shock their enemies into defeat.

It should be noted however that, being a Chapter entirely based in their fleet, the Heralds will often begin a battle with a small barrage from orbit, followed by a moping up operation by Thunderhawks, and then ended with the coming of the Herald's Drop Pods.

spacemarine.jpg
Heralds of Equinox Order Marine

The Heralds have also shown an incredible amount of care when it comes to human civillians. The Heralds are known to try every available option in order to pull combat operations away from heavily populated areas. This includes mock retreats, surprise attacks on shipping lines, or remote outposts. Another favored method of attack for the Heralds is to use groups of specialy trained human operatives who are indocrinated to their idealogies. These operatives will be placed among the local population and military forces and pave the way for the Heralds arrival.

Organization

T
he Sentinels of Dorn were organized following the guidelines of the Codex Astartes. After becoming the Heralds of Equinox, however, that all changed. The Heralds are in fact split into two fully fuctioning Chapters, each with its own Chapter Master, Companies, and vessels. They are known simply as the Chapters of Chaos and Order. Each follows the guidelines of the codex except a theme of equality is common.

All companies within each of the Chapters have the same number of Devastator, Tactical, and Assault squads and all squads have an even number of Marines within them. There are no dedicated Scout, Tactical, Assault, or Devesator companies and all companies work with their counterparts, meaning that a company within the Chaper of Order will always on the same battlefield as their numerical counterpart within the Chapter of Chaos. Depending on who the Heralds are fighting different Chapters will conduct the frontline operations. When fighting against the forces of the Imperium, a Chaos Company will fight on the front while the Order Company will focus on rearguard actions and supplying their counterparts. The vice-versa is true when the Heralds fight against the forces of Chaos.

At the head of the Heralds stands Lord Equinox, the mysterious leader of the Heralds, who is able to weild these two seperate fighting forces into a deadly machine.

Beliefs

T
he belief system of the Heralds is very complex in unique in that they worship both Chaos and the Emperor with equal passion. While most would think that these faiths could not exist together within one chapter without infighting tearing it apart, the Heralds are an exception to this. Despite the fact that they worship both the God-Emperor and the Four Powers of Chaos in equal light, the Heralds stay united because of their goal: to see humanity united.

The Heralds realize that the forces that worship the Emperor and the Chaos Gods are locked in an enternal struggle that will only end with the destruction of all of Humanity. They realize that in order for Humanity to survive against the forces that threaten to destroy it the religions of the Emperor and Chaos must achieve an equilibrium and then can humanity be united.

Since their goal is to promote equality and and understanding, the Heralds view fanatical groups like the Word Bearers, Black Templars, and the Ecclesiarchy with hostility. They see these groups as the reasons for this on going struggle between the faiths and believe that as long as they exist Humanity is doomed.

The same can be said for the Tau Empire. As a Xeno race that doesn't believe in the existance of Gods and seeks to assimilate Humanity, they are an affront to everything that the Heralds stand for. Because of this the Heralds are completely merciless when fighting against the Tau and will gladly attack civillian and military targets in the name of both the Emperor and Chaos.

Geneseed

T
he Herald's geneseed comes from that of the Imperial Fists and for that reason they share all of the same traits and flaws as their parent Chapter.[/size]

Battle-Cry

"Behold the coming of the Equinox!"

[/size]

Link to comment
https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/184885-heralds-of-equinox/
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...
In the year 392.M41, the same time as the beginning of Lord Solar Macharius' crusade, the Lords of Terra began to receive word of Chaos and Daemon activity in the Warp Storm The Storm of the Emperor's Wrath. Due to its proximity to the Segmentum Solar and more specifically Holy Terra, the Lords decided to commission the creation of a Chapter to watch over the Warp Storm much like how there are Chapters who watch over the Eye of Terror or the Maelstrom.

 

Chapters are founded in foundings, not independently.

 

The High Lords chose the Black Templars as the progenitor for the new chapter due to their pure Gene-Seed and zealous attitude that would be passed on to the fledgling chapter. It is also whispered that the Lords chose the Templars in order to temporarily decrease their large numbers. Whatever the reason, Marshall Reynault lead a force of Sword Brethren and Initiates to the Warp Storm in order to train the new Space Marines.

 

No.

 

The Black Templars don't follow the Codex, are massively oversize, and don't respond to Imperial authority. There is no reason in hell for the High Lords to select them as the mentors for a new Chapter.

 

Naming themselves the Sentinels of Dorn, the Chapter organized itself and carried itself much like the Imperial Fists, taking up the ideas of honor duels, following the Codex Astartes, and acting with the same stubborn attitude. This difference in ideas and methods put the Sentinels of Dorn at odds with the Templars and as soon as the Chapter was deemed able to survive by itself Reynault gave his men a choice: Stay with the new Chapter or leave with him. In the end the twenty of the Sword Bretheren and eighty Initates and their Neophytes decided to stay and lead the Sentinels of Dorn, perhaps hoping that they could steer the Sentinels in the direction that they wanted.

 

Why not just have them be descended from the Imperial Fists? Makes a lot more sense and explains their codex adherence.

 

The Sentinels would spend the next years patrolling their territory from their homeworld of Equinox. Numerous times the Chapter fought against marauding Ork Waaaghs!, Eldar Pirates, and Chaos Renegades in small engagements, but discontent between the marines began to grow as they felt that they had yet to test their mettle. Rumors said that some Battle-Brothers believed that the Lords of Terra had only commissioned their creation only to lessen the numbers of Black Templars and Chapter Master Mallus looked for a way to ameliorate these doubts.

 

That would be incredibly stupid of the High Lords. The Black Templars would just add more Black Templars, and this new chapter might take after the BT. You might make the problem worse, and you certainly won't make it better. Space Marines are smart enough to think that through.

 

It was then that the unexpected happened. Long range Auspexs on Equinox picked up an extremely large object coming out of The Storm of the Emperor's Wrath. Knowing that an object of this size was most assuredly dangerous, the Sentinels quickly mobilized their six companies and made for the object. When they finally reached the location what they saw shocked them all. The object wasn't a Space Hulk or some massive fleet. It was a planet. A quick scan of the planet revealed that it was completely barren and lifeless, except for a massive, ruined city. Chapter Master Mallus immediately ordered his forces to search the city and in short time the first, second, and third companies descended onto the planet via drop-pod and Thunderhawks.

 

The plural of auspex is auspices. Auspices auspexes. Either way...

 

Also, they're totally going to get eaten.

 

The Sentinels of Dorn, once reaching the city, confirmed what the planetary scan had suggested. The city was devoid of life, but signs showed that there had been people living there before. The streets were littered with skeletons, craters, wrecked vehicles, and, more surprisingly, the remnants of Space Marines. However, the armor was too old to tell who it had belonged to, but they definitely were of an older mark.

 

Eaten! Eaten!

 

The Marines went building to building, finding nothing until Mallus reached a large pyramid like structure. Thought the outside of it was smashed and pot marked, the inside was largely intact. Moving through the structure the Sentinels found the corpses of even more Space Marines. It was obvious that a great battle had been fought here, but by who and why was impossible to tell. After a long while of wandering through the labyrinth of passageways Mallus entered a large room. The walls were lined with bookshelves that went up to the ceiling. The sheer number of books was staggering. There were easily as much as a hundred thousand books stretching in each direction.

 

Pock marked. Also, they'll be eaten.

 

Mallus was drawn towards a large tome in the middle of the room sitting on a pedestal. Flipping to the first page Mallus began to read through it when he made a shocking discovery. These books had belonged to the Thousand Son's Legion before the onset of the Horus Heresy. This building must have been one of the Legion's library worlds that had been drawn into the Warp during the war. Knowing that a reservoir of such potential knowledge was indispensible, Mallus ordered for the books to be brought back to Equinox and the planet destroyed. In short order the Sentinels followed his orders to the letter.

 

Why would he do this? The Thousand Sons are traitors, and people kinda remember that. I could see it if these guys were Blood Ravens, but as-is there's no reason not to burn the sucka down. I think you need to establish better just why he'd keep the books (hell, and why no one would, y'know. Question that decision).

 

Finally re-emerging from his private study, Mallus told his Sentinels of Dorn of what had to be done in order to assure humanity's survival. Though at first his men roared in anger at what he suggested and labeled him a traitor and a heretic they eventually began to calm as they saw the truth in his words. They realized what Mallus was asking them to do. They would be sacrificing everything they had ever known and perhaps even their souls in order to save humanity from its own demise. They took hear in the realization that by doing this they would be fulfilling their roles as Space Marines, sacrificing themselves to save those they had sworn to protect.

 

I'm sorry. I just don't buy it. Especially when you haven't explained what it is he wants them to do. It's just...they really should have shot him by now.

 

It's just too much implausibility. You need to justify it better before people can buy it.

 

Now free from the prying eyes of the High Lords and the Inquisition, the Sentinels set about reorganizing themselves. No longer would they be known as the Sentinels of Dorn, for that title no longer accurately told of their purpose. They would now be known as the Heralds of the Equinox, the time when all of humanity would be united in the perfect existence between light and dark. The Chapter reorganized it in this fashion with half beginning to worship the Gods of Chaos and the other half remaining loyal to the Emperor. Mallus gave up his title of Chapter Master and renamed himself Lord Equinox, master of both Order and Chaos. Since then the Heralds of the Equinox have been making their way towards the Eye of Terror, attacking both Loyalist and Traitors in their efforts to prevent one side from gaining an advantage over the other.

 

Why would they split in half? Why wouldn't they all worship both?

 

* * *

 

The stuff that happens isn't justified. Might want to work on that. Might need to tighten up the writing in a few places, too.

 

But it's not bad. Just needs some work. :D

In the year 392.M41, the same time as the beginning of Lord Solar Macharius' crusade, the Lords of Terra began to receive word of Chaos and Daemon activity in the Warp Storm The Storm of the Emperor's Wrath. Due to its proximity to the Segmentum Solar and more specifically Holy Terra, the Lords decided to commission the creation of a Chapter to watch over the Warp Storm much like how there are Chapters who watch over the Eye of Terror or the Maelstrom.

 

Chapters are founded in foundings, not independently.

 

Hmm...I'll think of a founding then. Probably the same as the founding that created the Chapters that watch the Maelstrom.

The High Lords chose the Black Templars as the progenitor for the new chapter due to their pure Gene-Seed and zealous attitude that would be passed on to the fledgling chapter. It is also whispered that the Lords chose the Templars in order to temporarily decrease their large numbers. Whatever the reason, Marshall Reynault lead a force of Sword Brethren and Initiates to the Warp Storm in order to train the new Space Marines.

 

No.

 

The Black Templars don't follow the Codex, are massively oversize, and don't respond to Imperial authority. There is no reason in hell for the High Lords to select them as the mentors for a new Chapter.

 

Fair enough

 

Naming themselves the Sentinels of Dorn, the Chapter organized itself and carried itself much like the Imperial Fists, taking up the ideas of honor duels, following the Codex Astartes, and acting with the same stubborn attitude. This difference in ideas and methods put the Sentinels of Dorn at odds with the Templars and as soon as the Chapter was deemed able to survive by itself Reynault gave his men a choice: Stay with the new Chapter or leave with him. In the end the twenty of the Sword Bretheren and eighty Initates and their Neophytes decided to stay and lead the Sentinels of Dorn, perhaps hoping that they could steer the Sentinels in the direction that they wanted.

 

Why not just have them be descended from the Imperial Fists? Makes a lot more sense and explains their codex adherence.

 

Good point. I'll change it to the fists.

 

The Sentinels would spend the next years patrolling their territory from their homeworld of Equinox. Numerous times the Chapter fought against marauding Ork Waaaghs!, Eldar Pirates, and Chaos Renegades in small engagements, but discontent between the marines began to grow as they felt that they had yet to test their mettle. Rumors said that some Battle-Brothers believed that the Lords of Terra had only commissioned their creation only to lessen the numbers of Black Templars and Chapter Master Mallus looked for a way to ameliorate these doubts.

 

That would be incredibly stupid of the High Lords. The Black Templars would just add more Black Templars, and this new chapter might take after the BT. You might make the problem worse, and you certainly won't make it better. Space Marines are smart enough to think that through.

 

Yeah, I'll change it.

It was then that the unexpected happened. Long range Auspexs on Equinox picked up an extremely large object coming out of The Storm of the Emperor's Wrath. Knowing that an object of this size was most assuredly dangerous, the Sentinels quickly mobilized their six companies and made for the object. When they finally reached the location what they saw shocked them all. The object wasn't a Space Hulk or some massive fleet. It was a planet. A quick scan of the planet revealed that it was completely barren and lifeless, except for a massive, ruined city. Chapter Master Mallus immediately ordered his forces to search the city and in short time the first, second, and third companies descended onto the planet via drop-pod and Thunderhawks.

 

The plural of auspex is auspices. Auspices auspexes. Either way...

 

Also, they're totally going to get eaten.

 

K, I'll change it. And Eaten?

 

The Sentinels of Dorn, once reaching the city, confirmed what the planetary scan had suggested. The city was devoid of life, but signs showed that there had been people living there before. The streets were littered with skeletons, craters, wrecked vehicles, and, more surprisingly, the remnants of Space Marines. However, the armor was too old to tell who it had belonged to, but they definitely were of an older mark.

 

Eaten! Eaten!

 

Eaten?

 

The Marines went building to building, finding nothing until Mallus reached a large pyramid like structure. Thought the outside of it was smashed and pot marked, the inside was largely intact. Moving through the structure the Sentinels found the corpses of even more Space Marines. It was obvious that a great battle had been fought here, but by who and why was impossible to tell. After a long while of wandering through the labyrinth of passageways Mallus entered a large room. The walls were lined with bookshelves that went up to the ceiling. The sheer number of books was staggering. There were easily as much as a hundred thousand books stretching in each direction.

 

Pock marked. Also, they'll be eaten.

 

Oops typo :P and again, Eaten?

 

Mallus was drawn towards a large tome in the middle of the room sitting on a pedestal. Flipping to the first page Mallus began to read through it when he made a shocking discovery. These books had belonged to the Thousand Son's Legion before the onset of the Horus Heresy. This building must have been one of the Legion's library worlds that had been drawn into the Warp during the war. Knowing that a reservoir of such potential knowledge was indispensible, Mallus ordered for the books to be brought back to Equinox and the planet destroyed. In short order the Sentinels followed his orders to the letter.

 

Why would he do this? The Thousand Sons are traitors, and people kinda remember that. I could see it if these guys were Blood Ravens, but as-is there's no reason not to burn the sucka down. I think you need to establish better just why he'd keep the books (hell, and why no one would, y'know. Question that decision).

 

I'll clear that up. I'll say that he stole some of the books and brought them back to Equinox in secret.

 

Finally re-emerging from his private study, Mallus told his Sentinels of Dorn of what had to be done in order to assure humanity's survival. Though at first his men roared in anger at what he suggested and labeled him a traitor and a heretic they eventually began to calm as they saw the truth in his words. They realized what Mallus was asking them to do. They would be sacrificing everything they had ever known and perhaps even their souls in order to save humanity from its own demise. They took hear in the realization that by doing this they would be fulfilling their roles as Space Marines, sacrificing themselves to save those they had sworn to protect.

 

I'm sorry. I just don't buy it. Especially when you haven't explained what it is he wants them to do. It's just...they really should have shot him by now.

 

It's just too much implausibility. You need to justify it better before people can buy it.

 

Yeah, I'll flesh that out more. I'm gonna say that the reason they don't shoot him immediately and decide to listen is becase they love him so much. I'll add that and give reasons.

 

Now free from the prying eyes of the High Lords and the Inquisition, the Sentinels set about reorganizing themselves. No longer would they be known as the Sentinels of Dorn, for that title no longer accurately told of their purpose. They would now be known as the Heralds of the Equinox, the time when all of humanity would be united in the perfect existence between light and dark. The Chapter reorganized it in this fashion with half beginning to worship the Gods of Chaos and the other half remaining loyal to the Emperor. Mallus gave up his title of Chapter Master and renamed himself Lord Equinox, master of both Order and Chaos. Since then the Heralds of the Equinox have been making their way towards the Eye of Terror, attacking both Loyalist and Traitors in their efforts to prevent one side from gaining an advantage over the other.

 

Why would they split in half? Why wouldn't they all worship both?

 

The reason that they split into two so that there is an equal number of Chaos and Emepror worshippers within the army. If every Battle-Brother got to choose who they worshipped the whole theam of equality would be thrown off.

 

* * *

 

The stuff that happens isn't justified. Might want to work on that. Might need to tighten up the writing in a few places, too.

 

But it's not bad. Just needs some work. :)

 

Answers in Bold

Eaten?

 

Eaten.

 

I'll clear that up. I'll say that he stole some of the books and brought them back to Equinox in secret.

 

But why did he do this?

 

Character motivations need to flow more-or-less naturally. At the moment, he did it because that's how the chapter is going to get corrupted. You need a reason why he would do it, rather than the reason you wrote him doing it.

 

The reason that they split into two so that there is an equal number of Chaos and Emepror worshippers within the army. If every Battle-Brother got to choose who they worshipped the whole theam of equality would be thrown off.

 

No, as in each worship the Emperor and Chaos Gods equally.

Eaten?

 

Eaten.

 

k.....<_<

I'll clear that up. I'll say that he stole some of the books and brought them back to Equinox in secret.

 

But why did he do this?

 

Character motivations need to flow more-or-less naturally. At the moment, he did it because that's how the chapter is going to get corrupted. You need a reason why he would do it, rather than the reason you wrote him doing it.

 

Ok. I'll give it another try.

 

The reason that they split into two so that there is an equal number of Chaos and Emepror worshippers within the army. If every Battle-Brother got to choose who they worshipped the whole theam of equality would be thrown off.

 

No, as in each worship the Emperor and Chaos Gods equally.

 

The idea of splitting into two halves, each with an equal number of marines, is to assure that within the Chapter no one faith is more worshipped than another. The Chapter is "slightly" obsessed with equality when it comes to their faith. The organization of the Chapter is purposely set up in a way that equality between the two faiths is assured.

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 year later...

I personally think it works, but then again, don't trust me for I am only a fledgling Battle Brother, with little knowledge of the inner workings and motives of a Chapter. I like the idea of the split, but how will you represent this on the battle field? Or is this just a fluff chapter? I like the yin yang, truly representing the Chapter as two. I am guessing the Lord of Equinox is Mallus? Maybe there could be a little more on him? Rumours, flying around the Chapters, of the great and horrible deeds he has done in the name of the Emperor and the Infernal Powers.

Edit- The Heralds of Equinox Chaos pattern looks very familiar to the Black Legion, perhaps a difference?

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.