Index Astartes: Doom Guard

[The Normish]

Right, I'll get around to fixing the History section when I'm good and ready...

I did go through an edit the rest of the thing for inconsistencies and problems, and have made sure it was fitting with my new vision for the Chapter's History...

 

Otherwise, does anyone have anything they would like to comment on, or suggestions to improve the History section?

[The Normish]

Okay, I had to do a major overhaul and deletion of my History section.

 

While editing it for revision and better resonance with the rest of the IA, I realized I had several huge holes in relation to several items, most important of which is the purpose of the Doom Guard and how the Battle of Slodia relates to its Successor Chapter, which I have decided to include in the fluff (here's a preliminary thread for them). The Last Founding so far was two hundred years before my planned date for the Battle of Slodia, which is a bit annoying, because I had hoped to make the Successor Chapter's motivation to track down Corrupt Doom Guard, sort of like the Dark Angel's Hunt for the Fallen. However, the Battle of Slodia is where the first treachery occurs.

Also, I am hesitant on the amount of detail I should put into the Hsitroy section,e specially the Battle of Slodia. I don't want to bore the reader.

 

In short, I have a lot of thinking to do.

 

Otherwise, I added several new sub-headings and modified another couple of items. I added a "Notable Members" section, which I will flesh out after the History is finished.

 

I guess that the process of writing an Index Astartes is never completed, eh?

[The Normish]

Alright. My Chapter is currently undergoing a massive revision, as I'm not entirely happy with the direction it is taking, nor am I satisfied with much of the fluff. So here is the distilled version of what is definite about my Chapter. The founding is still undecided, as is the notion of the Chapter Council.

If you have any ideas or suggestions pleas ebe sure to tell me. It's actually a bit embarrassing, as I'm studying to be a historian and am finding it very difficult to write the Histroy section (which is what is causing most of my trouble).

 

Origins

Founding: undecided

Homeworld

Fleet-based

Incorporates smaller Imperial or Astartes fleets

 

Combat Doctrine

Fairly Codex adherent

Makes use of large armored formations

Scouts have developed role

Defensive firebases and orbital attacks

 

Organization

Codex organization

Chapter Master is First Company Captain

Chapter Council?

 

Beliefs

Ecclesiarchy followers

Original recruitment pool was faith-based

Arrogant because of associations to God-Emperor

 

Geneseed

Rogal Dorn, no mutations

Reduced use of Pain Glove

 

Battle Cry

Doomsayer chooses cry

Cry is recorded

“For Dorn and the Emperor!”

“Our faith is your doom!”

 

History

First Chapter Master: Prasis Fatum (wrote Principles of Warfare: Applying Guilliman ; believed in Codex adherence mixed with pragmatic adaptation ; encouraged faith and devotion as a means of maintaining purity – led to decline of Pain Glove)

 

Chapter Master Eric Odeon (introduced Chapter Council ; reinforced Fatum’s teachings while emphasizing coherency within the Chapter ; first Doom Guard to become Dreadnought)

 

Chapter Master Conrad Halden (current Chapter Master)

[The Normish]

Alright, I've got a rough outline of how I want to re-write the IA, sort of expanded over the previous post.

I've confirmed a few ideas, and will expand on everything when I fluff it out (at the moment it's still in my head).

[The Normish]

I have finally managed to rebuild the Index Astartes. Here you have my version, um... Three, I think. Minus the History section, which I hope will make the Chapter more interesting. I have a few notes in that section, as well as one concerning the color scheme and presentation. Those can be found at the end of the article. I may rewrite the abstract at the beginning to make it more interesting, as well.

 

I've tried to rationalize a lot of the choices for my Chapter, but please, if anything seems amiss or unconvincing to you, point it out so that I may address it with all due haste.

 

So, comments and criticism is welcome, as always.

[Dosjetka]

Hello The Normish! Good to see you updated your IA just for me to read ;)

 

(though most of the time they are spread across the fleet for increased flexibility).

Try and twist this sentence so that there's no brackets. It looks/reads better. Only use brackets for dates or redirection. [ie: (see Homeworld)]

 

Often, the Doom Guard will find itself accompanied by smaller fleets of the Adeptus Astartes, or an occasional Imperial formation, perhaps the remains of a larger force, or the retinue of an Inquisitor on some secret mission.

My question is why do they often join up with another Imperial fleet? Is there any reason? Also, you shouldn't say that the =I= are on a secret mission. Usually, you don't know about where the Inquisiton is or where their agents are. Maybe just put "or, on rare occasions, the retinue of an Inquisitor." No need to state what you think he might be doing as you wouldn't know in these cases.

 

The role of boarding assaults as a specialty is decreasing however, as the Doom Guard finds itself less and less needed to purge traitorous fleets, and more inclined to destroy the enemy corrupting a planet's surface. This is largely due to a shift in the nature of Heresy, as more and more enemies of the Imperium appear from within.

I really like this. A nice personal twist :)

 

This ensures a more prominent role for the Chapter Master in combat, as well as a firmer grip on both the loyalty of the Chapter and on the command of troops.

I like the mystery added here. (and I would love to know what happened :))

 

Of interest is the way the Doom Guard is run.

Is it me or does this sentence not really mean much?

 

their Chaplains offcialized the Imperial cult as the Chapter's own.

Unusual. I don't think the Fists would be happy, or any other close Chapter for that matter.

 

As always, you may totally disregard all that I have just said ;)

I'm going to keep an eye out for the next update!

 

Ludovic

[The Normish]

Hello The Normish! Good to see you updated your IA just for me to read :)

 

(though most of the time they are spread across the fleet for increased flexibility).

Try and twist this sentence so that there's no brackets. It looks/reads better. Only use brackets for dates or redirection. [ie: (see Homeworld)]

You think so? I always like parentheses (brackets are the square ones, or are things different where you are?).

 

Often, the Doom Guard will find itself accompanied by smaller fleets of the Adeptus Astartes, or an occasional Imperial formation, perhaps the remains of a larger force, or the retinue of an Inquisitor on some secret mission.

My question is why do they often join up with another Imperial fleet? Is there any reason? Also, you shouldn't say that the =I= are on a secret mission. Usually, you don't know about where the Inquisiton is or where their agents are. Maybe just put "or, on rare occasions, the retinue of an Inquisitor." No need to state what you think he might be doing as you wouldn't know in these cases.

Good point. Not to say that I have an Inquisitor at the moment, but alright, I'll make it less suspicious. As for why smaller fleets join up to the Astartes one, I forgot to include it is mainly for convenience and protection.

 

The role of boarding assaults as a specialty is decreasing however, as the Doom Guard finds itself less and less needed to purge traitorous fleets, and more inclined to destroy the enemy corrupting a planet's surface. This is largely due to a shift in the nature of Heresy, as more and more enemies of the Imperium appear from within.

I really like this. A nice personal twist :)

 

This ensures a more prominent role for the Chapter Master in combat, as well as a firmer grip on both the loyalty of the Chapter and on the command of troops.

I like the mystery added here. (and I would love to know what happened :D)

I do plan to develop the reasons why a Chapter Master would need to do that, but no hints!

 

Of interest is the way the Doom Guard is run.

Is it me or does this sentence not really mean much?

Well, I included mainly to use a Drop Cap different than "T" or "D", so it isn't actually necessary, but it makes perfect sense to me. What exactly is the problem?

 

their Chaplains offcialized the Imperial cult as the Chapter's own.

Unusual. I don't think the Fists would be happy, or any other close Chapter for that matter.

Oh, it turns out that "officialized" is not a word. I see what you mean, but frankly, the Imperial Fists can stuff it! Just kidding. I took it for granted that my chapter did this after the Imperial Fist veterans had already returned to their own Chapter, and I figured that they wouldn't really meddle in how other Chapters are run.

 

As always, you may totally disregard all that I have just said ;)

I'm going to keep an eye out for the next update!

 

Ludovic

Good, as will I!

[Dosjetka]

You think so? I always like parentheses (brackets are the square ones, or are things different where you are?).

Living in Switzerland, parentheses is a French word to me, I didn't know it existed in English. I have always used brackets, as have all other English speakers (most of them a British) I know.

 

Good point. Not to say that I have an Inquisitor at the moment, but alright, I'll make it less suspicious.

Good. :P You may want to download the last .pdf document on the list and read it. It shows you a bit how Space Marines are in the eyes of lesser humans.

 

As for why smaller fleets join up to the Astartes one, I forgot to include it is mainly for convenience and protection.

Protection? Astartes needing protection? I believe they are too proud for that and they have powerful fleets themselves with powerful weapons. It's nearly suicide to attack their ships.

 

I do plan to develop the reasons why a Chapter Master would need to do that, but no hints!

I'll wait patiently then :)

 

but it makes perfect sense to me. What exactly is the problem?

It's gibberish to me. Weird. Could you rephrase it maybe?

 

I took it for granted that my chapter did this after the Imperial Fist veterans had already returned to their own Chapter, and I figured that they wouldn't really meddle in how other Chapters are run.

For this issue, you may want to look at the Chaplain description in the Space Marine Codex. You'll see that it's frowned upon and unheard of (or nearly).

 

Ludovic

[The Normish]

You think so? I always like parentheses (brackets are the square ones, or are things different where you are?).

Living in Switzerland, parentheses is a French word to me, I didn't know it existed in English. I have always used brackets, as have all other English speakers (most of them a British) I know.

Well, I am French, so that may play a part in that.

Good point. Not to say that I have an Inquisitor at the moment, but alright, I'll make it less suspicious.

Good. :P You may want to download the last .pdf document on the list and read it. It shows you a bit how Space Marines are in the eyes of lesser humans.

What .pdf? I'm not entirely sure what you mean.

As for why smaller fleets join up to the Astartes one, I forgot to include it is mainly for convenience and protection.

Protection? Astartes needing protection? I believe they are too proud for that and they have powerful fleets themselves with powerful weapons. It's nearly suicide to attack their ships.

No, no! I mean that the smaller, weakened fleets join up with the Astartes fleet for their OWN protection, like remoras (that's correct, right?) to a shark. The Space Marines offer protection as long as they don't bother them.

but it makes perfect sense to me. What exactly is the problem?

It's gibberish to me. Weird. Could you rephrase it maybe?

Maybe. I'll see if I can find another phrase.

I took it for granted that my chapter did this after the Imperial Fist veterans had already returned to their own Chapter, and I figured that they wouldn't really meddle in how other Chapters are run.

For this issue, you may want to look at the Chaplain description in the Space Marine Codex. You'll see that it's frowned upon and unheard of (or nearly).

I never really saw it as frowned upon, just that the majority of Space Marines think the Emperor is a man, not a god. Then again, the majority of Space Marines do a lot of things, and there are always chapters that differ.

[Dosjetka]

Well, I am French, so that may play a part in that.

Really? Where from?

 

What .pdf? I'm not entirely sure what you mean.

Dammit! :lol: I forgot to include this link. Sorry about that.

 

No, no! I mean that the smaller, weakened fleets join up with the Astartes fleet for their OWN protection, like remoras (that's correct, right?) to a shark. The Space Marines offer protection as long as they don't bother them.

Ok, fair enough. :)

 

Maybe. I'll see if I can find another phrase.

Ok. If you want, you can PM me with the sentence in French? If it's easier. And I could try and translate it. :P

 

I never really saw it as frowned upon, just that the majority of Space Marines think the Emperor is a man, not a god. Then again, the majority of Space Marines do a lot of things, and there are always chapters that differ.

I do agree. But it was the fact that the Word Bearers Legion and their Primarch venerated the Emperor as a god which pretty much caused the Horus Heresy.

For me, it's a no-no but maybe you could put it down if you maybe say that they are mistrusted by other Chapters or something like that.

 

Hope that helps :)

 

Ludovic

[The Normish]

Well, I am French, so that may play a part in that.

Really? Where from?

Well, my father is from Paris, with the family originally from the Limousin (my mother is on the other hand, American, which explains my rather good English).

 

As for the Beliefs issue here, I'm still not convinced that they would be looked down upon by other Space Marine Chapters, or mistrusted. I based this idea off the voice-acting in Dawn of War 1 and 2, where everyone (even the Space Marines) are all "Praise the Emperor" and "for the God-Emperor!"

 

But I'll consider expanding on that.

[Dosjetka]

Well, my father is from Paris, with the family originally from the Limousin (my mother is on the other hand, American, which explains my rather good English).

Nice ;) (I love Limousin cake :))

 

As for the Beliefs issue here, I'm still not convinced that they would be looked down upon by other Space Marine Chapters, or mistrusted. I based this idea off the voice-acting in Dawn of War 1 and 2, where everyone (even the Space Marines) are all "Praise the Emperor" and "for the God-Emperor!"

 

But I'll consider expanding on that.

Well...I dunno. I haven't played it in a long time. And I'm not sure that all consider DoW true canon. But as I said, IMO, veneration of the Big E is a no-no. But then it's your IA so it's your choice! :)

 

Ludovic

[The Normish]

Well, I've made something to complement the IA, while not being a part of it as such: my Chapter's banners.

I left the reserve Company banners deliberately simple, because as I see it, they won't be doing too much of the direct fighting as a unit, so much as filling up the ranks of the other Companies. The 10th Company Banner is relatively simple, to sort of indicate the knowledge to be gained by the scouts.

[Ace Debonair]

Well, I've made something to complement the IA, while not being a part of it as such: my Chapter's banners.

Hey, cool. :)

The inquisition seal at the bottom is the icing on the cake too. :P

[The Normish]

Well, I've made something to complement the IA, while not being a part of it as such: my Chapter's banners.

Hey, cool. :(

The inquisition seal at the bottom is the icing on the cake too. ;)

Thanks, I have an Inquisitor character that interacts with all my armies... Here he's made a data file to submit either to the Inquisition files (mystery...) or for a book he may be writing. Perhaps he is corresponding with another Inquisitor? I may reveal his purposes when I do the History section.

[Dosjetka]

Yeah, I'm liking the banners too :o

Keep it up!

 

Ludovic

[The Normish]

I've expanded a bit on some of my Chapter's more celebrated characters. I'll be adding more to the list, as well as expanding the History section.

You'll notice I've made two subdivisions: Early and Recent History. Early History will cover everything before Chapter Master Aggadus Kaska, while Recent History will cover everything during and after his rule.

[CKO]

I like the Doom Guard chapter, I think that their belief that the Emperor is a God gives you alot of creative space to work with. However I thought that the reason behind spliting the legions into chapters and seperating the Imperial Guard from the Imperial Navy was so that no one would be able to conqueror worlds without a weakness. I know that marines can do it but they only have a thousand so they are limited, giving a chapter an Imperial army should raise flags with the Inquisition. I think you could maybe alter it a little to where the Chapter is widely known and that planetary officials gladly hand over command of their troops to a chapter that have the same beliefs or something like that, you have alot of workable space with a chapter sharing the same beliefs. I hope this helps or gives you more ideas.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Well, I've made something to complement the IA, while not being a part of it as such: my Chapter's banners.

 

They look great. I would try something similar but I know for a fact that my drawing ability is so far and away inferior to my writing that I would be better off describing them in text. Even my actual written hand is pretty bad, guess I'm just better on a keyboard! :blush:

[The Normish]

I like the Doom Guard chapter, I think that their belief that the Emperor is a God gives you alot of creative space to work with. However I thought that the reason behind spliting the legions into chapters and seperating the Imperial Guard from the Imperial Navy was so that no one would be able to conqueror worlds without a weakness. I know that marines can do it but they only have a thousand so they are limited, giving a chapter an Imperial army should raise flags with the Inquisition. I think you could maybe alter it a little to where the Chapter is widely known and that planetary officials gladly hand over command of their troops to a chapter that have the same beliefs or something like that, you have alot of workable space with a chapter sharing the same beliefs. I hope this helps or gives you more ideas.

Oh, they don't actually have any troops under their command. They just have good PR with other Imperial groups. Except for the whole arrogance thing. Or are you referring to the fleets thing? Because that just means that the fleets travel together, but are all independent units.

 

Well, I've made something to complement the IA, while not being a part of it as such: my Chapter's banners.

 

They look great. I would try something similar but I know for a fact that my drawing ability is so far and away inferior to my writing that I would be better off describing them in text. Even my actual written hand is pretty bad, guess I'm just better on a keyboard!

Ha, thanks. I drew them up during class (It as paying attention as well, don't worry, I can multitask easily - it was about the Olympics). If you want I could give them a try for you.

[The Normish]

Added two new Celebrated characters: Captain Uller and Brother Codicier Teesan. For my next update, I intend to get either the Early or Recent History sub-section filled out. Then, spelling and grammar check, and then it will be ready for another proper round of shredding.

[The Normish]

Upon returning from my absence, I think I need a fresh look at the Doom Guard, so I'm opening it up, as it were, for more modern criticism, before I add anything else to it.

So go ahead and tear it apart!

[tiny sam]

The fleet itself consists mainly of small vessels, but also of several Battle-Barges and Strike Cruisers.

 

I always thought that a battle barge was a vessel so huge that even chapter of legend like the Ultramarines were having 9 of them. how can a chapter of the 22th founding came to have "serveral" of them.

 

The Chapter specializes in ship-to-ship and urban combat, often finding that the worlds with the highest Ecclesiarchal presence are Hive-Worlds.

 

not quite sure of the meaning of that sentence...

 

Apothecaries, Chaplains, Librarians and Techmarines bear fully white, black, blue, and red armor, respectively, while also possessing a black left shoulder with red trim.

 

this is in fact like the codex, I would not talk of it as it bring no useful information.

 

This ensures a more prominent role for the Chapter Master in combat, as well as a firmer grip on both the loyalty of the Chapter and on the command of troops.

 

shouldn't battle brothers have a unquestionable loyalty to the chapter master, at the point where some chapter follow their master in heresy...

 

 

I realy like the Doomsayer idea :tu: it's realy cool !

[The Normish]

I always thought that a battle barge was a vessel so huge that even chapter of legend like the Ultramarines were having 9 of them. how can a chapter of the 22th founding came to have "serveral" of them.

I may be mistaken then about which battle-ships are which. I understood Battle Barges to be pretty standard things. I'll find another class then.

not quite sure of the meaning of that sentence...

The Chapter often operates in urban areas, such as Hive-Worlds, because it enforces Ecclesiastical authority, and Hive Worlds have more Ecclesiastic presence. Understand?

this is in fact like the codex, I would not talk of it as it bring no useful information.

Is it? I'll check and adjust accordingly.

shouldn't battle brothers have a unquestionable loyalty to the chapter master, at the point where some chapter follow their master in heresy...

Well, that is something I plan to address in my history section. There's been some talk of Chaotic influence in the Chapter, and there's a lot of mistrust floating around.

I realy like the Doomsayer idea :tu: it's realy cool !

Thanks, so do I.

[Heru]

I always thought that a battle barge was a vessel so huge that even chapter of legend like the Ultramarines were having 9 of them. how can a chapter of the 22th founding came to have "serveral" of them.

I may be mistaken then about which battle-ships are which. I understood Battle Barges to be pretty standard things. I'll find another class then.

Battle Barges are standard to every Chapter, most are freshly built for each founding.