Index Astartes: Keepers of the Unspoken Word - UPDATED

[Retributis]

Hehe, bit like the pyro in team fortress 2.

 

I'm currently re-writing the Origins section completely, and it's coming out as quite long winded, so I'll type it up in brief points here to see if I should scrap it now :(

 

1) Chapter is founded in the 14th Founding as Bulwarks of Terra.

2) Dorn Geneseed chosen (just because, is there a specific way geneseed is decided?)

3) Training cadre chosen from the Iron Knights.

5) Unremarkable career, standard marine stuff.

6) Large Chaos attack on their homeworld system, "devouring planets"

7) Entire chapter mustered in defence.

This is where it starts to get a bit long winded and mary sue...

8) Events of the battle for their home planet lost to time and records of the chapter

9) Massive psychic event (cause unknown) killing millions of civvies, majority of chaos forces attacking the monastery and triggering visions in imperial marines.

10) Visions "not of grand schemes or mass invasions, but of simple deaths and events the galaxy would otherwise remain oblivious too, but whose effects could be catastrophic or fortuitous"

11) After killing of remaining chaos forces (largely weakened by The Event), marines discuss what they saw with Librarius.

12) conflicting reports of the same scenes, with differing outcomes

13) First captain feels so strongly about his vision regarding a specific world, that he petitions chapter master to go there to intervene and "discover the truth of things"

14) First Captain encounters what he saw in his vision, and performs the actions that he saw would result in the fortuitous outcome

15) Catastrophy and all marines with 1st Captain are killed, along with a hive

16) Chapter Master issues decree that never again shall they speak of or try to act upon the visions they see

17) Ritual of Sealing brought into effect to ensure the marines can never speak of the secret they hide within.

 

Whadya think? Only first draft so it's mostly rubbish ;) There's a lot of "ZOMG and then the system exploded!" type stuff that I will tone down, but I just wrote it in stream of consciousness so it was down

[Brother Michaels]

you play tf2? cool

 

its good how all records are lost

 

im guessing you will be gradually putting information

 

much like the blood ravens

[jlmb_123]

That is really good. How about dropping the 'all info lost' - as Brother Michaels says, it's like the Blood Ravens, so why not have them trying to withhold all information. It may sound a bit like the Dark Angels, but ultimately this is more of an administrative silence.

 

I like the learning your lesson part - it explains why they do what they do. How about emphasising that this is a 'just in case' measure that eventually led to the Chapter's fatalistic outlook?

[Retributis]

Overhauled and rewritten to an extent, please read and critique! -_-