IA: The Sons of Anubis

[Vaaish]

Maybe not confusing, but on reading it sounds like it's made of a stone rather than referring to a color.

[Ferrus Manus]

Firstly, I love your Colour Scheme.

 

Second, why the name change? A chapter's name is important to them as their history, their honour and their heraldry. It means everything to them. So is it really that necessary that they change their name?

[Ace Debonair]

The beliefs of the Sons of Anubis are heavily influenced by the Elnari cult. Long ago during the great crusade, Elnar VI was reclaimed by the Holy Emperor and his legions. Upon his visit, the Elnari took him to be their god Anu. Anu is the great jackal, who hunts the vast desert of the stars; like his children, the giant desert jackals of Elnar.

 

I reckon the first part of this would read better as;

 

The beliefs of the Sons of Anubis are heavily influenced by those of the people of Elnar IV. Long ago during the great crusade, Elnar VI was reclaimed by the Holy Emperor and his legions. Upon his visit, the Elnari took The Emperor to be the true form of their God, Anu. Anu is the great jackal, who hunts the vast desert of the stars; like his children, the giant desert jackals of Elnar.

 

Since to start with I wasn't certain who the Elnari took to be their God; the Emperor or the space marines.

I sorted it out in my head pretty quickly, but it might be worth editing anyway. Entirely up to you, of course.

 

Also the last line of the battlecry might look more awesome as "We shall not break" rather than "we shall not bend".

I get what you wanted from the cry, and the meaning behind the lines is pretty good, but it doesn't sound like a serious battlecry, if you see what I mean.

 

On a side note - not written any quotes for your sections yet? :eek

You have *yoink*-ed prematurely, good sir. :D

[space wolf]

Manus- Thanks, it took me a while to come up with a good one for these guys, but they look pretty good painted up. As for the name change, I put the reasons behind it in the chapter beliefs section, but you don't think it works?. Any ideas? Bottomline, I came up with the name long before I came up with the chapter fluff, and I needed a good reason for them to be named after something called anubis. That being said it would seem pretty egotistical of the first master to just name them after himself. So I figured if he was loved by all, and died heroically, that might be a good enough reason.

 

Ace: Changed up that sentence, it should be more clear now. I agree with you, "bend" didn't quite, work. But I really didn't want to use "break" either because then it kind of sounds like a litany of "please don't run away guys." :P I also came up with "We shall not falter," but that didn't quite sound right. So I came up with what is there now, "we will endure." waddya think? And BTW, I had them floating above my head after I yoinked them from your post, it just took me a while to put them in. :)

[Ace Debonair]

The quotes and battlecry have my utmost approval.

Well yoinked sir, well yoinked. ;)

I particularly like the line about pride and sorrow being etched onto the armour. I'm kicking myself for not coming up with that for the Stonebound. :P

 

Also, Endure > Break. :(

I'll take a more complete look at these guys later, and see if I can spot anything else that needs fixing.

 

Good stuff!

[Ferrus Manus]

Hmm, I'm not sure, maybe it could work. I'd suggest looking at other ways though. Maybe the tarot was unclear when he went to chose the Chapte's name hence when they landed up Elnar he took that as a sign? Or something...

[space wolf]

So I think I'm about done with this. I changed the "name change" part of the chapter. Let me guys know what you think, as I think I'm about ready to submit this. Please let me know if I'm wrong :P

[Ace Debonair]

I see no particular faults in what you've got with the renaming.

 

I was thinking about the battlecry though.

I'm starting to think the last two lines might be better as:

"While others lament, we will endure.

For the Emperor - For Anubis - We will hold the line!"

 

Of course, that might just be the ramblings of a guy who's up far too late and much too bored to think straight.

[space wolf]

I've changed around the coding a bit, and completely got rid of the name change all together. Do you guys think its ready? Please let me know.

 

I think you've got something there Ace, consider that changed, and what do you think about the new reason for the name?

[Ace Debonair]

Upon arriving in what would become SoA space, it became evident that Elnar VI would become the perfect home world for the new, as of yet named, chapter. The first Chapter Master and his contingent of Marines that had followed him, set about selecting and training recruits. The Master consulted the Imperial Taroh as to what the name of the Chapter should be. However, there was no clear answer forthcoming. The Master meditated on this for many days, and yet no name would come. Eventually he decided to leave it up to a sign from the Emperor. As it happens, the Chapter's name would be decided by the Marines themselves. As the training of the first Aspirants continued, the Master became known as Anubis (See Chapter Beliefs). Months later the Master was informed by amused Chaplains, that the Aspirants were referring to themselves as Ha'ru Deu'qwr, "Sons of the Iron Father." To this, the Anubis smiled; if that's what they called themselves, then there was no better name for the Chapter. Thus the Sons of Anubis had their name.

 

And the Iron Father is... who?

 

Honestly, this had me confused. It still has, a bit, even after reading the beliefs. Perhaps have the aspirants saying they wish to be considered worthy enough to be one of "Anubis's chosen warriors, his glorious sons", and have the Chapter Master take a shine to the name?

 

Sorry for taking this long to reply. I'm at the end of a long week, and I'm probably going to disappear for most of next week too.

Still, you asked for my opinion, so who am I to say nothing? :lol:

[Ferrus Manus]

Just to say, I've printed this off and will go through it with a fine toothcomb. I'll post up my comments soon.

[space wolf]

THANKS GUYS...FOR WAITING UNTIL AFTER I'VE SUBMITTED IT!! :P Either way I would like your thoughts. Besides it may just get rejected and I'll need the help anyway ;)

 

@ACE-They call Anubis the Iron Father, because he is a stern taskmaster of a teacher. I had hoped that this would be evident when reading the chapter beliefs, but I can see where you were confused.

[Ferrus Manus]

THANKS GUYS...FOR WAITING UNTIL AFTER I'VE SUBMITTED IT!! :P Either way I would like your thoughts. Besides it may just get rejected and I'll need the help anyway ;)

That's why I'm here, we wait til you submit it before getting really mean ;)

[Ferrus Manus]

Ok, he's my crits on content, grammar and spelling will be in the next post:

 

what chapter they originally Chapter Master hailed from is a mystery. Not even their first Master's name has survived the ravages of time.

My suggestion.

As the centuries passed, and the Age of Apostasy was coming to a close, a singular event would dramatically change the Sons of Anubis.

The AoA had pretty much finished by the time the 22nd Founding had occured.

it was immediately assailed by a sizable Ork spacehulk fleet

A fleet of Space Hulks? Usually, just one causes enough problems.

Voted into the position of Anubis 300 years ago; The 6th Chapter Master to date,

6 in 5000 years. That's an average of 833 years in charge, regardless of age previous to becoming Chapter Master. Maybe add a few more into their history.

The Tau were just the beginning. The 41st Millennium would prove to be a period of very heavy defensive activity for the SoA. After the battle of Ichar IV, the Sons of Anubis had their hands full with a sizable splinter fleet from Hive Fleet Kraken. Five years later, the SoA were called upon to put their extensive experience in fighting Orks to use in the 3rd war for Armageddon. The Sons of Anubis have a growing reputation. While not as revered as many of the older chapters. The SoA are seen as stalwart defenders of the Eastern Fringe. Deep in the Eastern Fringe; when the enemies of the Imperium attack, the Sons of Anubis hold the line.

Hmm, GW pretty much have Armageddon locked down. My edits added.

If a clan doesn't feel like trading, force is always a viable option. Wars in the Elnari are taken very seriously.

The first bit of the sentence is a bit informal. I'd suggest changing it.

Moreover, the SoA do not feel the need to limit their numbers. Often their companies are far larger than allowed by the codex.

Why? Give an explanation. Otherwise, it may be best to get rid of it.

The Marine will often experience some kind of vision.

This wouldn't surprise me, especially when he's just taken hallucenagens (sp?).

While, other “Dornate” Chapters, may not see this gland as particularly necessary;

I think it's Dorian.

 

That's it for content, now I'm going to go go through for grammar. :)

[Ferrus Manus]

Ok, grammar:

 

First point, SoA needs to be replaced with Sons of Anubis in every instance.

Second point, where I've left them you generally need to swap the " for '.

 

ORIGINS AND HISTORY

 

"Our history is carried in our blood.... and on the battlefields on which we have bled." - High Priest Sekmet Ha'ur

 

The Sons of Anubis are a relatively new chapter. They were created during the Twenty-Second Founding for the purpose of patrolling the distant north eastern stars of the Ultima Segmentum. They have known great victory, great defeat, and above all great sacrifice. Relatively unknown, the SoA's reputation has been growing steadily as of late. Through iron will, and ferocious tenacity the SoA have defended their piece of the galaxy from fearsome Ork Warlords, the ever increasing influence of the alien Tau, and the destruction wrought by Tyranid Splinter Fleets.

 

The origins of the SoA is a story with many missing pieces. Indeed, while it is known that they are descended from the great Rogal Dorn, what chapter the original Chapter Master hailed from is a mystery. Not even his original name has survived the ravages of time. However, while evidence of his name or parent chapter may have been lost, his personal memoirs and war journal, which are held in the SoA's reliquary, provide what details are known about the Sons' early history.

 

Upon arriving in what would become SoA space, it became evident that Elnar VI would become the perfect home world for the new, as of yet named, chapter. The first Chapter Master and his contingent of Marines that had followed him, set about selecting and training recruits. The Master consulted the Imperial Tarot as to what the name of the Chapter should be. However, there was no clear answer forthcoming. The Master meditated on this for many days, and yet no name would come. Eventually he decided to leave it up to a sign from the Emperor. As it happens, the Chapter's name would be decided by the Marines themselves. As the training of the first Aspirants continued, the Master became known as Anubis (See Chapter Beliefs). Months later the Master was informed by amused Chaplains, that the Aspirants were referring to themselves as Ha'ru Deu'qwr, "Sons of the Iron Father." To this, the Anubis smiled; if that's what they called themselves, then there was no better name for the Chapter. Thus the Sons of Anubis had their name.

 

BATTLE OF ELNAR VI

As the centuries passed, and the Age of Apostasy came to a close, a singular event would dramatically change the Sons of Anubis. It was the year 346.M37 and the SoA had lost contact with a planet under their jurisdiction, Talaris VII. While temporary loss of contact with a planet is not all that uncommon due to warp storm activity; on this particular occasion, the Chapter High Priest had read an ill omen in his auguries. Erring on the side of caution, Master Anubis sent a small strike force to investigate. When the strike force arrived in the Talaris system, it was immediately assailed by a sizable Ork spacehulk fleet. Luckily, the strike force managed to send word back to the Fortress Monastery before the cruiser was destroyed.

 

It isn't often that a Master of an Adeptus Astartes Chapter will engage in battle. Encounters with Orks and their warlords were as common here as any other part of the galaxy. Often the SoA would surgically attack Ork territory to prevent a Warboss from gaining momentum. However, this situation was different. The sheer number of ships reported showed that this fleet was dangerously close to becoming a dreaded WAAAAGH! Moreover, it was headed right in Elnar VI's direction. With the Chapter still undersized and much of its strength attending to other duties off world, the planet was relatively vulnerable. Anubis and his elite 1st Company took to the Battle Cruiser Firebrand, to meet the Orks before any more of their territory could be lost.

Chapter Master Khafre Anubis

 

Details of the battle around Elnar VI's orbit are hazy at best. It is believed that Master Anubis and his 1st company were able to hold the Orks off in orbit until reinforcements arrived. What details survive tell of the death of Master Anubis and the loss of the 1st Company. Evidently in order to buy more time, Master Anubis followed the strategies of his Primarch and beamed aboard the Ork flag ship with his very best men. In a desperate manoeuvre he and his men set charges all over the massive Space Hulk's interior, and blew the massive conglomeration of derelict spacecraft and asteroid apart. The massive amount of debris, had a devastating effect on both fleets, destroying many of the Orks but most of the 1st Company along with them. When the 3rd and 7th Companies arrived in Elnari space, most of what they found was wreckage. The impending Ork threat had been destroyed. Anubis and the 1st had sacrificed themselves for the sake of their home world. With the realization of this, a righteous fury overtook the marines of the 3rd and 7th. They quickly stamped out any and all remaining Greenskins in the surrounding systems.

 

When the dust had settled, an emergency council of the remaining Company Captains was called. A new Chapter Master would have to be chosen. Ultimately it was Ammon Ptah, Master of Fleets, and Captain of the 9th Company. While the loss of a Chapter Master is not totally unexpected, as even Space Marines are mortal. Such a blow as the loss of Anubis, just when the Chapter was getting its legs under it, had quite a profound effect. Ptah's first edict was to permanently change the Chapter's heraldry. Additionally, the loss of the 1st would never be forgotten, and to further illustrate this point, he changed the Chapter's organizational structure. (See Organization)

 

Over the centuries the SoA have stayed one of the lesser known Chapters. While no less active than any other Chapter in taking the fight to the enemies of the Imperium, many of the SoA's conflicts have taken place in far, out of the way distant corners of the galaxy. Always displaying great courage and an unyielding tenacity inherent in the descendants of Dorn, their role in the defense of the Imperium however, has largely gone unsung. That is until the beginning of the 41st Millennium. With the discovery of the Tau things quickly began to escalate. With Elnar VI so close to Tau Empire, the SoA were one of the first on the scene when combating this new threat to the Imperium. Many times the SoA would partner with other chapters in order to halt Tau expansion. In 742.M41 the SoA joined forces with the famous Ultramarines and other chapters in what becomes known as the Damocles Crusade.

 

The Tau were just the beginning. The 41st Millennium would prove to be a period of very heavy defensive activity for the SoA. After the battle of Ichar IV, the Sons of Anubis had their hands full with a sizable splinter fleet from Hive Fleet Kraken. Five years later, the SoA were called upon to put their extensive experience in fighting Orks to use in the 3rd war for Armageddon. The Sons of Anubis have a growing reputation. While not as revered as many of the older chapters. The SoA are seen as stalwart defenders of the Eastern Fringe. Deep in the Eastern Fringe; when the enemies of the Imperium attack, the Sons of Anubis hold the line.

 

"We not only protect this planet because it is our homeworld. We protect it because it is the world of our people, the Emperor's people. We protect this world because it belongs to the Emperor, and we are His servants! We are His children! We are His Jackals! And woe to those who dare invade our domain!" - Master Anubis - Battle of Elnari VI

 

Elnar VI is a harsh world. In ages past, it was a heavily populated planet; however, that is no longer the case. Long ago the world suffered what the Elnari call the “qes-qrw,” or “Iron Rain.” The result lead to the near destruction of the entire planet. The sky is often black from the near perpetual clouds of ash that hang over the atmosphere. Electric storms are common and considered one of the most dangerous natural occurrences. The temperature of the planet will fluctuate from bitterly cold to intensely hot as the ash clouds either trap in the heat from the sun on the planet's surface or; when they are thick enough, block the heat all together.

 

Now a desert wasteland, Elnar VI is home to a fierce and hardy people. The Elnari have been raised from birth to survive in the harsh unstable climate. Organized into a loose society of tribes and clans, the Elnari live in the “Dwellings of the Ancients.” Either ancient sewers, bunkers or underground railways long abandoned and surviving from a time when there was a city above them, the Elnari now call them home. An entire clan generally dwells within one of these complexes or “Toou.” Despite their sub-terrainian dwellings, the people of Elnar have mastered survival. In such an inhospitable environment, supplies are limited and nothing is wasted.

 

Generally speaking the clans tend to avoid each other. That way, each can be sure what they have will not be taken. However, when groups from different clans do interact, it is for one of three reasons: trade, war, or the Oaar (“The Price”). The clans will often trade their local craft goods for supplies or tools made of ores or materials not found in their local surroundings. If a clan doesn't feel like trading, force is always a viable option. Wars in the Elnari are taken very seriously. If water is to be wasted in the spilling of blood, the prize must be worth it. Wars among the Elnari consist mainly of quick raids and close quarter fighting in the cramped tunnels of a clan's Toou. While fighting does happen out in the open wastes, it is much more rare. Fighting is taxing enough without having to fight in the tumultuous conditions on the surface.

 

The Oaar is perhaps the only true gathering of the clans for purely unselfish reasons. Taking place every five years, the Oaar is always held on the top of largest mountain (or ruin) in the region. Here all the local clans gather to celebrate their god, Anu. This gathering has two purposes. First is the mixing of the clans. Brides are promised and traded among the different clans in order to maintain genetic variety. The second is where the Oaar gets its name from. Here the best and bravest of the clan's warriors will fight in single combat until only a handful are left alive. Those left standing are then sent out into the wastes alone to meet Anu, and become one of his mighty jackals. The Oaar is given its name because of the lives taken in this grueling ritual. Even amongst the young men who are victorious, there is no guarantee that they will be judged worthy enough by the prophet of God, Anubis. Little do the Elnari know, that those young men sent out into the wastes never to be seen again, often get inducted into the SoA as aspirants.

 

They are whisked away by the “Mnomets” (Keepers of Wisdom) into a Thunder hawk, and taken to the “Mouki Anute” or “Ladder of God;” a sizable outpost and training staging area deep in the southern wastes. A fortress of incredible size Mouki Anute is dwarfed by “Ouxorei,” (The Jackal's Lair) the Fortress Monastery with which it keeps a constant link. Located on Elnar VI's single moon, Ouxorei is a truly colossal fortress, where all the might and majesty of the SoA and their equipment is housed.

 

COMBAT DOCTRINE

 

"We shall fight them tooth and claw. We will claw at their flanks. We will gnaw on their tendons. We will gouge out their eyes. And when it is exposed, we will rip out their throat!"- Master Khafre Anubis, 6th Chapter Master

 

The Sons of Anubis have developed a fairly unique way of fighting. While they greatly respect Guilliman and the wisdom that the Codex Astartes may impart, the SoA favor close quarter combat tactics that allow them to tear out the heart of the enemy. Some of this is due their exposure to the warfare tactics of their kinsmen on Elnar VI. However, it is mainly because of the foes they routinely find themselves up against that the SoA fight the way they do. Experienced Ork killers, the SoA learned very quickly that despite the range of the holy Boltgun and the many long ranged heavy weapons that could be brought to bear, Orks have knack for getting in the thick of it. More often than not objectives would have to be held by the butt-stock of a Boltgun, rather than its barrel. Because of this, every Marine is issued a close combat weapon, in addition to the Bolt Pistol they are normally issued for close quarter work. Incidentally, this became very useful in the encounters with the Tau (who are not known for their skill in close quarter combat) and the Tyranids (where close combat is almost inevitable). Additionally, their philosophy is that holding the line is easier if the enemy is surprised. When forced into close combat, often times the SoA will push back with additional ferocity, taking the enemy off guard, as if it was instead the Astartes who were charging.

 

Because of this penchant for fighting up close, every Marine needs to go into battle carrying as little equipment as possible. By necessity, the SoA favor light, shorter ranged weapons, that pack a punch, such as Melta Guns, and Plasma Guns. Their long range weaponry is often distributed among highly trained Devastator Squads that drill constantly to hit as many targets with as few shots as possible.

 

The Sons of Anubis favor quick lightning strikes that either destroy the enemies flanks or prefer to drop into the middle of the fray where merely holding their position wins them the battle. A typical example would be a force drop-podding down to a planets surface, surgically capturing whatever objective needed to be attained. They will defend that objective tooth and nail, through mid to short range fire and close quarter combat. Meanwhile highly mobile squads in transports hit the enemies soft spots. Between the squads holding their ground and the mobile squads harassing the enemies flanks, many opportunities for victory are created.

 

ORGANIZATION

 

"Our ways remind us of what we have lost...and of how much we still have to lose if we do not stay vigilant." - Jackal Priest Heu'aur Bes

 

The Sons of Anubis have an unorthodox organization. Since the loss of the first Anubis and the elite 1st Company, the SoA have only had 9 Companies. The First Company has never been reformed out of respect for the sacrifice they made. Moreover, the absence of the 1st Company is also a constant reminder to be ever vigilant, for the enemy can strike at any time, and when least expected. Moreover, the SoA do not feel the need to limit their numbers. Often their companies are far larger than allowed by the codex.

 

Mimicking the leadership of the first Anubis, older Marines are often much more “hands on” with their younger brethren. As such, Veterans are almost never seen in a squad together. More often than not they are seen leading a squad of less experienced Marines, in order to guide them as Anubis would have. This is by no means unique to just Veterans; Captains, and even the Chapter Master is honor-bound to hear the request of a fellow Marine, no matter how inexperienced. However, the Chapter Master's time is very precious; so the Marine in question better be sure it is of significant importance. Or else he may find himself on maintenance duty with the servitors for several years.

 

Having been understrength for much of their early history, the Sons of Anubis are much more informal when it comes to Company Organization. When an Aspirant becomes a full fledged Marine, he is subjected to a battery of tests to determine what his strongest attributes are. From there, he is assigned to a position that fits his natural disposition. Often times a marine will spend decades, if not centuries in his assigned role. Should he excel he may be promoted to the rank of “Matoi” or Veteran. Additionally some of the titles of office have changed. Most notably are the titles of Chaplain and Librarian. They have been replaced with "Anusets" (Jackal Priest) and "Mnomets" (Keepers of Wisdom) respectively. Sometimes the Head Mnomet is referred to as High Priest.

 

"Anu be praised! For he has given us the tools to be his servants!" - High Priest Sekmet Ha'ur

 

The Beliefs of the Sons of Anubis are heavily influenced by the Elnari cult. Long ago during the Great Crusade, Elnar VI was reclaimed by the Holy Emperor and his legions. Upon the Emperor's visit, the people of Elnar VI took him to be their god Anu. Anu is the great jackal, who hunts the vast desert of the stars; like his children, the giant desert jackals of Elnar. With the coming of the Emperor, the oracles of the Elnari prophesized that one day a prophet would come. One who would bring the Enari closer to Anu. Thousands of years later, with the arrival of the Space Marines that prophecy came true.

 

When they arrived, the leader of the Astartes approached the clans. He declared that he had been sent by the will of the Emperor. That some of them were to be chosen to serve the Emperor. It was clear to the people of Elnar VI that the prophet of Anu had come. Hence forth he was called Anubis, meaning Messenger of God. Given the name's meaning, the leader of the Astartes was proud to adopt the name. He declared that a great test of fighting prowess was to be held to test the aspiring trainees' strength of heart. They were then to be cast into the desert, exhausted from a day of battle, to test their strength of will. Only then would those who aspire to be in the Emperor's service, prove themselves worthy. Thus began the first of many Oaar.

 

Master Anubis always had a hands on approach when it came to leadership. He was heavily invested in the training of the first Aspirants. He was leading them to a new world. Under the guidance of his Apothecaries, and the implantation of the gene-seed, he was literally fulfilling his namesake; bringing them closer to Rogal Dorn, and through him, Anu. Master Anubis was stern and demanding; the Aspirants were in awe of him. But as they underwent the changes to full blooded space marine, that awe was replaced with the deepest of respect.

 

GENE SEED

 

"Thank the mighty Dorn, for it is his strength through which we carry out Anu's will!" - Jackal Priest Heu'aur Bes

 

The Sons of Anubis descend from the honorable Rogal Dorn. As such, they lack the Betcher's Gland and Sus-An Membrane. This, however is not looked upon by the SoA as a hindrance. Because a mortally wounded marine cannot enter into suspended animation, if medical attention is not readily available, he would have no choice but to continue fighting until the Emperor takes him. This helped cement the SoA's reputation as tenacious warriors; as, more often than not these warriors, if wounded, fight until they die. This generally leads to heavier casualties in each engagement than would normally be the case for another Chapter.

 

In regards to the Betcher's Gland, the SoA, have developed a unique solution to this failing. While, other “Dornate” Chapters, may not see this gland as particularly necessary; the nature of the enemies the SoA encounter as well as their fighting methods makes the loss of this gland inconvenient at best. The SoA overcome this with a ritual known as the “Tapro Jehrt,” literally translated “Mouth of Metal.” Each aspirant, before he can be called a full battle brother, undergoes a series of augmetic surgeries, Adamantite is grafted to the bones of the mandible and maxilla. The teeth are then replaced by two perfectly interlocking “jaws” sharpened to several points. This gives the marine a surprisingly ferocious appearance, even when smiling. Ironically, is not all that dissimilar from the “Iron Gobs” seen on many prominent Ork warlords.

 

Sidebars:

 

The Visioning

 

One very important ritual of the SoA is the “Visioning.” A symbolic reenactment of the Emperor's arrival to Elnar VI, the Visioning is a ritual all marines must undergo in order to be promoted to the rank of Captain. The ritual involves the Marine in question spending days in the wastes with no food or water. This is to symbolize the journey the Emperor took to reach Elnar VI. Next, when the Marine is physically and mentally exhausted, he will ingest a series of extremely powerful hallucinogenic drugs. This is to represent the Emperor's power of foresight and the prophecy of the oracles. The Marine will often experience some kind of vision. It is viewed as a message from the Emperor, and its interpretation is left up to the Marine experiencing it. Interpreting a vision is a deeply personal experience that the Marine can struggle with for decades. But in struggling with the meaning to the Emperor's message, the Marine learns of the greater struggle of reconciling what he is taught to believe and what reality is. For only those Marines with a certain amount of pragmatism can lead their brethren effectively.

 

+++++++++++++++

 

There, done. I enjoy it, I thought it was an interesting read - which is good. A bit heavy with the theme in some places, though.

[space wolf]

I'll be back later with changes. Thanks again for the proof read, its really hard to catch mistakes after you've read the thing 18 times ;)

[space wolf]

Corrections made, any additional comments?

[Ace Debonair]

Just the one, actually.

 

I've been thinking and thinking again about this.

The bit in the origins and history, where it says the chapter master became known as Anubis. It doesn't say why.

 

It does have it further down, I'll grant you that.

I also already knew why, but a first-time reader might not have a darn clue why he was called that until much later.

 

So, why not re-word it a bit?

 

"As the training of the first Aspirants continued, the Master became known amongst the people as Anubis - Elnari for "Messenger of God", for he embodied the will of the Emperor. Months later the Master was informed by Chaplains that the Aspirants were referring to themselves as Ha'ru Deu'qwr, or "Sons of the Iron Father". By this, the Anubis was inspired; if that's what they called themselves, then there was no better name for the Chapter. Thus the Sons of Anubis had their name."

 

It's looking good, this chapter of yours. Seems more and more polished each time I see it. :lol:

[Captain Juan Juarez]

My only comment is... I hate you for making every IA I've ever done seem so spartan!

 

This is a well composed and thought through IA with the GW style of using a culture as a base and it is taken to "extremes" but works so well.

 

In my opinion, this is the eiptome of what using a base culture should be!

[space wolf]

ACE: correction made.

 

Cap Juan: Wow! What can you say after a compliment like that. I'm glad you like it! :P

[Thoughtweaver]

First off, I just have to say I've taken this attempt to heart for my own efforts for my Sons of the Dragon chapter...which I will hopefully be posting for review starting tonight. Re-structuring it from what I had previously is taking a lot more time than I thought, and I keep adding more to it as I go. B)

 

However, there is one little niggling thing that's driving me a bit nuts. Now while I haven't played Battlefleet Gothic, I thought Battle Cruisers were more Imperial Navy while Battle Barges or Strike Cruisers were Space Marine? Sorry if this seems a bit...nitpicky, but I figured I'd mention it anyway. If it turns out I'm quite incorrect, then I'll learn something to apply to my own efforts. ;)

 

Keep up the great work!

[space wolf]

You may be correct, I honestly don't know (I actually didn't really put any thought into that ;) )...anyone know the answer to this?

[Ferrus Manus]

You may be correct, I honestly don't know (I actually didn't really put any thought into that ;) )...anyone know the answer to this?

I believe he is correct. Check here (page 10 onward) for more info.

[gil galed]

In terms of formatting i'm not sure how well the side by side images and quotes work, personally i'm getting about 5 letters in between them and it makes it really hard to read, it might be better to have them below one another on opposite sides.

 

Just a thought

 

~Gil

[space wolf]

fixed the "battle cruiser" issue

 

In terms of formatting i'm not sure how well the side by side images and quotes work, personally i'm getting about 5 letters in between them and it makes it really hard to read, it might be better to have them below one another on opposite sides.

 

Just a thought

 

~Gil

 

Anyone else have this problem? It looks perfectly fine on my monitor, but I realize it may be a tad wider than most common sizes. How does the formatting look to everyone else?