Vengeance of Corax IA

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Founding

 

The chapter was founded using the geneseed of Corax, during the Cursed 21^st founding. They were put under the leadership of Chapter Master Treai. He had been originally intended to be Master of Sancticty, but the death of the intended Chapter Master had seen the High Lords combining the role. Thus, Treai was able to mold the new chapter in his image. The first thing he did as leader of the chapter was to name it Vengeance of Corax, and that they should hunt traitors above all else. This was to satisfy his own personal desire for revenge, as a close brother of his had turned and joined the Night Lords warband. He chose to disguise it - though why he himself never knew - as the desire to repay the Night Lords and all their traitorous brethren from Istvaan V.

 

Strangely, this led to the Vengeance of Corax to suffer heavy losses when fighting against xenos. ALthough they had studied the codex on how to fight against such enemies, they lacked the experience due to the fact that they fought against traitors much more often. This was because they had been taught a special hate by their Chapter Master Treai, who sought to hunt down his traitorus brother.

 

The result of this is that they lost many more marines then other chapters in such cases, and so they went to other chapters for help. Again the consequences hurt the Vengeance, as their honor was attacked because of it. The most severe case of this was when a Space Wolf chose to call a captain, who had been chosen to ask the Space Wolves for help against the much more tactically experienced Eldar, to an honor duel. Although the captain won, it was by luck, even though he was specialized against Astartes he had never fought a Space Wolf before. When the incident was reported back to the current chapter master, he decided that this should never happen again, and he forced the chapter to become even more specialized. They were all required to construct their own close combat weapon and be trained in that weapon heavily. He also ordered that he should have an additional squad in each company be trained as an assault squad instead of a heavy weapons specialist. His chapter would not lose any more honor under his command, and he ordered that a company be set aside specifically to fight against xenos.

 

 

And so it continued, and the chapter watched uneasily as they saw more and more other chapters from their founding be cursed with various things. The Halo Warriors, the Flame Falcons, he Lamenters, the Fire Hawks. They all became cursed in some way. The chapter knew it too would exhibit something that set it apart from other marines and possibly turn them traitor.

 

This came during the seventh chpater masters time. The chapter was fighting off a traitor attack on a rocky moon when the captain of the third simply disappeared. He reappeared a few seconds later, as if he had kept on moving but had tripped His second in command dismissed it as just that. A few weeks later, a similar incident happened. Then another. Soon it was widespread knowledge amongst the chapter that their curse had come at last. And it was not so terrible.

 

Then a librarian tried to phase, and when he came back, he was no longer a psyker. It took him two months before he regained his powers. Marines then randomly stopped coming back. No one knew why. While there were some who obviously could phase better than their brothers and some who were worse, there should not have been marines failing to return. The number of missing marines steadily grew until finally the Chapter Master himself dissappeared.

 

His successor immediately ordered that all attempts to phase were to end except those he formed into two squads. These were known as the Spectres, and those outside of the Spectres could not phase. It was punishable by death if they did, for he did not wish to lose the three hundred marines that had been lost with the chapter master.

 

The Orginization

 

They Follow standard codex for orginization, with the exception of having a devestator squad removed to have one more assault squad per company, and the Spectres.

 

 

 

Their Battlecry

 

We are the shadow!

 

Remember Corax!

 

 

and of course...

 

Die, Traitor Scum!

 

 

The Homeworld

 

 

 

The Vengeance of Corax recruits from a tribal world, Arkanyr, it follows the Emperor and has it's entire culture designed to create worthy recruits for the Vengeance. The tribes take their males and train them to be warriors. They shun those who do not fight and cast them out, and those who show the most talent might even be taken and trained by a recruiter while they wait for the boy to become old enough to start receiving implants. The youth gain social status by challenging those older than them and winning their fights, they lose it if they slip or show signs of clumsiness. Awards and tokens are given by the elders of the tribes in monthly competitions of sparring, running, hunting, and wrestling. These all help prepare for the true test, as anually the tribes are given the freedom to wage war on each other for a month.

The Inquisition, who watchs all of this as they watch the Cursed chapter, plans on creating an order of Sisters from it, with the the Eccliasiarchy's permission (and their representitives to make sure nothing goes amiss). A few psyker recruits also go to the Grey Knights as well, since for reasons unknown Arkanyr seems to create slightly more Psykers than normal. The Inquisition has already investigated this and has declared the world free of the taint, although it still investigates the world every fifty years, or if one tribe starts dominating over the others. This involvement has long since kept the world tribal after many others would have become advanced, with no leader to unite the scientists it advances technologically very slowly.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Oops, forgot to add their color scheme and their chapter symbol. Here is te scheme, I will come back with the symbol as soon as I find a good program to make it. http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/smsbeta...0&cs=000000

 

I will also be posting a seperate scheme for Spectres later on.

[Brother Emund]

As always, no offence meant...

 

He chose to disguise it - though why he himself never knew - as the desire to repay the Night Lords and all their traitorous brethren from Istvaan V.

I don't understand what you mean here?

 

 

Thus the chapter fought against traitors twice as often then xenos, then three times, then four times, and so on until they rarely fought Xenos at all and were handicapped due to lack of experience. Since he had taught his successor to think in much the same way, this continued long after Treai's death.

 

This led to the chapter being forced to call in favors from other chapters to fight there wars for them, and their honor was attacked because of it.

They are Space Marines, why would they lose the ability to fight, say Orks or Eldar? They are all the same at the end of the day... enemies to be killed. They would not approach another Chapter and say "Err excuse me, I know you are busy and all that, but would you mind awfully coming over to our space and chase off some Dark Eldar pirates who are harrassing our outer planets. You see, we have forgotten how to fight them cos we've been fighting Chaos Marines for so long....". It's a crazy statement!!

 

The most severe case of this was when a Space Wolf chose to call a captain, who had been chosen to ask the Space Wolves for help, to an honor duel. Although the captain won, it was by luck, even though he was specialized against Astartes he had never fought a Space Wolf before.

Why did the Space Wolf call out one of your Captains... it must have been quite serious?

 

When the incident was reported back to the current chapter master, he decided that this should never happen again, and he forced the chapter to become even more specialized. They were all required to construct their own close combat weapon and be trained in that weapon heavily.

I would hope that your Chapter was already well-trained in the use of close combat weapons... it is their bread and butter <_<

and he began ignoring all calls for help against xenos.

Really, and where did that power come from?

 

And so it continued, and the chapter watched uneasily as they saw more and more other chapters from their founding be cursed with various things. The Halo Warriors, the Flame Falcons, he Lamenters, the Fire Hawks... they all became cursed in some way. The chapter knew it too would exhibit something that set it apart from other marines and possibly turn them traitor.

and the Inquisition was watching with baited breath....

 

This came during the seventh chpater masters time. The chapter was fighting off a traitor attack on a rocky moon when the captain of the third simply disappeared. He reappeared a few seconds later, as if he had kept on moving but had tripped. (He had in fact tripped.) A few weeks later, a similar incident happened. Then another. Soon it was widespread knowledge amongst the chapter that their curse had come at last. And it was not so terrible.

Wow, your Chapter is cursed... with tripping up now and again ;)

 

Then a librarian tried to phase, and when he came back, he was no longer a psyker. It took him two months before he regained his powers. Marines then randomly stopped coming back. No one knew why. While there were some who obviously could phase better than their brothers and some who were worse, there should not have been marines failing to return. The number of missing marines steadily grew until finally the Chapter Master himself dissappeared.

His successor immediately ordered that all attempts to phase were to end except those he formed into two squads. These were known as the Spectres, and those outside of the Spectres could not phase. It was punishable by death if they did.

Got it, they can dissapear and reappear, but sometimes they don't and sometimes they do and....

 

 

 

Their Battlecry

 

We are the shadow!

 

Remember Corax!

 

 

and of course...

 

Die, Traitor Scum!

and "Oppppps a daisy!"

 

 

The Vengeance of Corax recruits from a tribal world, Arkanyr, it follows the Emperor and has it's entire culture designed to create worthy recruits for the Vengeance. It has attracted the attention of the Inquisition, and it plans on creating an order of Sisters from it.

??? :huh:

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

1) It's explained a couple sentences later that he really wanted to go kill the brother who beytrayed him, which isn't bad so he is wondering why he is trying to conceal it.

 

2) Lets say you are used to making a bolter this way, even when there are multiple ways of doing it. When someone else says you should use a different method, you may try - you may even succeed -but it is going to be harder for you than someone who has making bolters this way for twenty years. You find yourself subconsiously reverting back to the way of making bolters that you used to you use before your boss told you to switch.

 

Fighting is like the making of the bolters, the marines are so used to making them one way (which is, killing traitors) that when they are told to do it another way (killing xenos) it is harder because the two ways (the two fighting styles and tactics used by xenos and traitors respectively) are different, therefore the marines are going to suffer heavy losses when they fight xenos.

 

The chapter master doesn't want to fight xenos and waste away his chapter.

 

 

3) because he asked the Space Wolves to help him out with fighting the xenos. The Wolf declared that he and his chapter were cowards, and declared the duel.

 

 

4) More so than usual, is what I am trying to say. Instead of it merely being part of their training, it becomes the focus of their training. Their main goal, everything else (training-wise) is secondary.

 

5) All chapters can do that...?

 

6) Of course they were. It was so obvious I didn't think I needed to put that in there.

 

7) :D

 

8) Everything is explained.

 

9) :)

 

10) There is nothing wrong with that, or so I assume... I was merely describing their homeworld.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Spectre scheme - http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/smsbeta...1A&pws=true

[Ace Debonair]

I suspect your chapter wouldn't shy away from fighting xeno enemies.

Space marines more or less have to honour requests for help from those in serious peril, and I doubt very much that failure to engage xeno enemies wouldn't draw a lot of unwanted attention to the Vengeance of Corax.

 

Also, I really don't think your chapter would allow someone to harvest the mothers of potential future recruits into military service, would they?

 

But, this chapter has potential. It's just a question of expanding on details.

I'd like to see some more on the homeworld, for instance.

[Brother Emund]

Just be aware about ignoring or picking and choosing who and when you fight, afterall, you might be the only Astartes in the neighbourhood, and your expertise might mean the difference of life and death to someone who calls for your assistance. Besides, fighting xenos scum would make a welcome change from fighting looney Chaos scum!!!

The Vengeance of Corax recruits from a tribal world, Arkanyr, it follows the Emperor and has it's entire culture designed to create worthy recruits for the Vengeance. It has attracted the attention of the Inquisition, and it plans on creating an order of Sisters from it.

Sisters? Who, what do you mean? :D

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Just be aware about ignoring or picking and choosing who and when you fight, afterall, you might be the only Astartes in the neighbourhood, and your expertise might mean the difference of life and death to someone who calls for your assistance. Besides, fighting xenos scum would make a welcome change from fighting looney Chaos scum!!!

The Vengeance of Corax recruits from a tribal world, Arkanyr, it follows the Emperor and has it's entire culture designed to create worthy recruits for the Vengeance. It has attracted the attention of the Inquisition, and it plans on creating an order of Sisters from it.

Sisters? Who, what do you mean? :D

Sisters of Battle.

 

Alright then. I will just have them suffer many losses at the hands of xenos.

 

 

The IA has been edited accordingly.

[Neophyte of Slaanesh]

This is a very interesting start and for one I agree that you can get used to fighting certain tactics (understanding Traitor tactics over Xenos tactics). The only things I might suggest, and perhaps out of selfishness, is a better understanding of is how the Inquisition studied these anomalies of your chapter and xactly what this phasing means to your space marines. Do they wish they could phase or are they afraid of it because of threats from the Inquisition?

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Not sure how to reply to that, I am not sure I understand what you are asking...

 

Most of the marines in the chapter don't phase because if it became widespread amongst the chapter the chapter would lose a lot of marines very quickly. Only the most skilled, those who are naturally talented, are allowed to and they are orgainized into a special group, the Spectres.

[Neophyte of Slaanesh]

I'm sorry, I did not mean to dig too deep. I guess I was just curious what "phasing" actually did to the marine. Is this explained elsewhere in B&C? If so I apologize for not seeing it! (I play CSM and "phasing" is not a term known to me!)

[Grand Master Tyrak]

He had been originally intended to be Head Chaplain

 

The title is usually the Master of Sanctity.

 

The Vengeance of Corax recruits from a tribal world, Arkanyr, it follows the Emperor and has it's entire culture designed to create worthy recruits for the Vengeance. It has attracted the attention of the Inquisition, and it plans on creating an order of Sisters from it.

.

 

Meanwhile the Ecclesiarch's head just exploded from the 'Infinite Rage!' at the Inquisition muscling in on his nuns . . .

 

The Sisters belong to the Ecclesiarchy. The Ordo Hereticus can just call on their services as a Chamber Militant, all the administrative functions like this still lie with the Ecclesiarchy.

 

Thus the chapter fought against traitors twice as often then xenos, then three times, then four times, and so on until they rarely fought Xenos at all and were handicapped due to lack of experience. Since he had taught his successor to think in much the same way, this continued long after Treai's death.

 

This led to the chapter being forced to call in favors from other chapters to fight there wars for them, and their honor was attacked because of it.

They are Space Marines, why would they lose the ability to fight, say Orks or Eldar? They are all the same at the end of the day... enemies to be killed.

 

Indeed, if anything you'd do worse against the traitors because you'd have taught them all your art of war. You should at least be able to apply the basics to anti-xenos warfare, and you can look up various ideas in the Codex Astartes.

 

and he began ignoring all calls for help against xenos.

Really, and where did that power come from?

 

By now the number of Inquisitors still supporting the Chapter can be counted on one hand, and the number of your brother Chapters supporting you can be counted without any hands at all.

 

That is outright dereliction of duty. Your Chapter exists to fight any and all enemies of the Imperium. The Inquisition (for once I reckon they'd be united on this) will come kicking down your door to reprimand you only to find that your brother Chapters have already got there and told you to get back to work and stop besmirching the honour of the Adeptus Astartes.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Um Tyrak? I already went back and rewrote those bits... just to let you know :P

 

Oh and thank you for the Master of Sancicity bit. I knew there was a different name, just I didn't know what it was.

[ChaplainMathreyn]

Generally... Except for the Hospitaler, Famulos, and Dialogus Orders, I'd stay away from the Sisters of Battle thing (A founding usually results from a previous Sister's martyrdom... And will be an epic story in and of itself...) Just sayin'...

 

Also... The IA is really, very choppy to read, and is quite abrupt and confusing at times... You may want to run it through a spellcheck program and a grammtical program as well. Whew.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

I'm sorry, I did not mean to dig too deep. I guess I was just curious what "phasing" actually did to the marine. Is this explained elsewhere in B&C? If so I apologize for not seeing it! (I play CSM and "phasing" is not a term known to me!)

Oh, no, this is fine. Sorry for not seeing this reply.

 

What it does to the marine? It takes them from plane one (normal, where the warp breaks into), skips over plane two (the warp) and onto plane three (neither one nor two). Because the Warp never has and never will invade this third plane, or rather that fact is because it kind of nullifies the warp. That results in the warp being unable to touch it, and it cancelling out psychic powers and making a psyker a normal being, although that effect is only for a limited amount of time.

 

While movements there are much more taxing to the individual, although this varies from marine to marine. Those who are best at transitioning and movement is the least strenous for are inducted into the Spectres.

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Um Tyrak? I already went back and rewrote those bits... just to let you know :D

 

Oh God.:) That's what I get for posting at 2 in the morning. :)

 

At least there was something constructive in there! ;)

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Where did you find those smilies? I don't see them on the list, so I would like to see where you got them...

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Where did you find those smilies? I don't see them on the list, so I would like to see where you got them..

 

Click 'show all'.

[The Nephilim]

The first thing he did as leader of the chapter was to name it Vengeance of Corax, and that they should hunt traitors above all else. This was to satisfy his own personal desire for revenge, as a close brother of his had turned and joined the Night Lords warband.

I could be mistaken, but I was under the impression that the High Lords of Terra deemed the purpose of the Chapter.

 

The result of this is that they lost many more marines then other chapters in such cases, and their honor was attacked because of it.

Their honor was attacked? That sounds a little weird.

 

The most severe case of this was when a Space Wolf chose to call a captain, who had been chosen to ask the Space Wolves for help against the much more tactically experienced Eldar, to an honor duel.

Why would they ask the Space Wolves for help? Is there homeworld close to Fenris? Asking for help probably needs to be re-worded because merely asking for assistance, I would think would besmirch the honor of the Chapter.

 

And so it continued, and the chapter watched uneasily as they saw more and more other chapters from their founding be cursed with various things.

The way I understood the cursed founding was most of the mutations and such were kept secret as long as possible. It wouldn’t be, “Hey Joe did you hear about Frank in the Black Dragons? No? Well bones erupted out of his hands! So weird.”

 

This came during the seventh chpater masters time. The chapter was fighting off a traitor attack on a rocky moon when the captain of the third simply disappeared. He reappeared a few seconds later, as if he had kept on moving but had tripped His second in command dismissed it as just that. A few weeks later, a similar incident happened. Then another. Soon it was widespread knowledge amongst the chapter that their curse had come at last. And it was not so terrible.

That doesn’t follow the cursed foundings well at all. That’s crazy powerful. The curses were supposed to be terrible, not some crazy powerful boon.

 

They Follow standard codex for orginization, with the exception of having a devestator squad removed to have one more assault squad per company, and the Spectres.

What are the Spectres?

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

1) No, the High Lords (excepting one or two) want the marines to fight everything equally, as opposed to what this chapter is doing, which is having a special hate for traitors. Don't read that the wrong way, they aren't going to oppose the High Lords, but it would be like prefering red apples over green apples because red apples are sweeter. Only instead its prefering to fight traitors of xenos because they hate traitors more.

 

2) They shouldn't of had to ask for help.

 

3) Besmirching the honor - thats the point.

 

4) Key words "for as long as possible" They found out eventually. Some, like the Halo Warriors, I have no recollection of them hiding it at all.

 

5) Crazy powerful boon? Did you not read the rest? They lost three companies... unless I forgot to mention that bit. I will go back and check. I also mentioned that it shuts down psycic powers, and they lost their chapter master to it. No one is allowed to except the Spectres because the risk is great, and the the Spectres are only the most talented at doing it. Most of the chapter it taxes greatly when trying to move about the dimension, to the point some are exhausted when the move very little.

[Grand Master Tyrak]

I could be mistaken, but I was under the impression that the High Lords of Terra deemed the purpose of the Chapter.

 

They can make general decisions on why to create a Chapter (and whereabouts in the galaxy it goes), but beyond that they don't have time for such details.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Ok, lets see, what else do I need...?

 

Should I go more indeph on anything, add some hideous mutations, have them be 'falsely' attacked by =][=...

 

Suggestions are welcome, I don't think it is ready for subscription to the Librarium but I don't know what it needs either.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Guys, Comments and critism is welcome. I need to improve this and expand on it, but I need you guys to point me in the right direction. Please, help me out here.

[ChaplainMathreyn]

Strangely, this led to the Vengeance of Corax to suffer heavy losses when fighting against xenos. Most commanders did not fight against xenos all that often and altough all captains are master tacticians, the simply did not know what their opponents tactics would be.

 

Really pretty weak... I mean, you'd imagine the Codex would have a "How-to Fight Orks" primer section, a "How-to Fight Tyranids" section, etc. A probable way would be from pure inexperience... The Chapter, not knowing How to properly fight Orks (Whereas veterans know how to burn Ork bodies to stop the spread of their fungal spores, etc.), and gets decimated... But, fighting against the Forces of Chaos would cause even More casualties; They are manned by super-super humans (ala Warp fuelled), and most are millenia old mega-veterans (ala fighting since the Horus Heresy).

 

I can see the whole loud mouthed Space Wolf thing happening... Since Wolves are loud-mouthed to begin with anyways (Take THAT ya flea bitten mutts. :P ), but it leads to some really weird conclusions:

 

So, the Chapter has been fighting traitor fellow Astartes for awhile, but he luckily wins against a Space Wolf... Who coincidentally, IS an Astartes...?

 

The Chapter Master, in response to a victory, changes the order of battle, to accomodate winning honor duels in the future...? And the single Company fighting xenos sounds really "Tyrannic War Veterany"... Why not just have the Chapter Master decree that, in order to become stronger, he sends small squads to combat more Xenos; If they fail, they fail and are probably killed, if they succeed, they come back, victors, and with experience...?

 

T

hey all became cursed in some way. The chapter knew it too would exhibit something that set it apart from other marines and possibly turn them traitor.

 

I've never heard the Cursed founding occuring like that... For all intents and pruposes, I'd think Your Chapter would see itself as pure (even if it was delusional), while hearing terrible rumors... Actual events that confirm other Chapter's failings would quickly, violenntly, and thoroughly stamped out (You don't want anyone finding out that the Sons of the Emperors are flawed in anyway...)

 

This came during the seventh chpater masters time. The chapter was fighting off a traitor attack on a rocky moon when the captain of the third simply disappeared. He reappeared a few seconds later, as if he had kept on moving but had tripped His second in command dismissed it as just that. A few weeks later, a similar incident happened. Then another. Soon it was widespread knowledge amongst the chapter that their curse had come at last. And it was not so terrible.

 

It's a really weak intro to their "curse"... I mean, you should have someone important, like the seventh Chapter Master Himself, dissapearing (Otherwise, determing Which Chapter Master it is is really superfluous and pointless..) There needs to be alot more drama to make a reader feel worried and more attached as to Why it is important that they have this curse.

 

Then a librarian tried to phase, and when he came back, he was no longer a psyker. It took him two months before he regained his powers. Marines then randomly stopped coming back. No one knew why. While there were some who obviously could phase better than their brothers and some who were worse, there should not have been marines failing to return. The number of missing marines steadily grew until finally the Chapter Master himself dissappeared.

 

Why not combine this, and th eprevious... And have your Master Librarian dissapear... Then you could have a more dramatic character, and have them suddenly realize what affect it has on Librarians (A Powerful one at that, too). You could also have a powerful potential conflict there... If you can spot it, that is.

 

His successor immediately ordered that all attempts to phase were to end except those he formed into two squads. These were known as the Spectres, and those outside of the Spectres could not phase. It was punishable by death if they did, for he did not wish to lose the three hundred marines that had been lost with the chapter master.

 

Silly. Why not have something like the Death Company? If they phase, and then reappear, they get segregated? Pushed into a corner... To not embarrass the Chapter...? Or, they get honorary promotion to Veteran 1st Company, with full honors?

 

The Vengeance of Corax recruits from a tribal world, Arkanyr, it follows the Emperor and has it's entire culture designed to create worthy recruits for the Vengeance. It has attracted the attention of the Inquisition, and it plans on creating an order of Sisters from it, with the the Eccliasiarchy's permission (and their representitives to make sure nothing goes amiss). A few psyker recruits also go to the Grey Knights as well, since for reasons unknown it seems to create slightly more Psykers than normal. The Inquisition has already investigated this and has declared the world free of the taint, although it still investigates the world every fifty years, or if one tribe starts dominating over the others. This involvement has long since kept the world tribal after many others would have become advanced, with no leader to unite the scientists it advances technologically very slowly.

 

You really should develop your Homeworld... I mean, it's just a bland overview. As it is, there nothing is to care about. Secondly, I'd take out the Sisters reference... Your world being defended by a Chapter, a Sister covenant, AND a recruiter world for the Grey Knights is pretty far-fetched. Instead of trying to add superfluous to try and make the homeworld "awesomer", think about it's culture, incorporate it into your Chapter...

 

Also, don't Assume that the reader knows what you're instantly trying to bring across... It can be subtle, with a few "Who knows" mysteries thrown in to make things more fun, but don't use such ambiguous terms... "They took heavy casualties fighting Xenos"... YOU may know how the hell why, but you need to make clear WHY to the reader... "They took heavy casualties fighting Xenos... Because they were to busy scratching their butts/young to know what the heck to do/confused because they lost their whole Leadership force in a Drop pod/ etc."

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Sorry guys, haven't been able to post for a while for various reasons. Taking stock of whats happened since I briefly left....

 

 

Strangely, this led to the Vengeance of Corax to suffer heavy losses when fighting against xenos. Most commanders did not fight against xenos all that often and altough all captains are master tacticians, the simply did not know what their opponents tactics would be.

 

Really pretty weak... I mean, you'd imagine the Codex would have a "How-to Fight Orks" primer section, a "How-to Fight Tyranids" section, etc. A probable way would be from pure inexperience... The Chapter, not knowing How to properly fight Orks (Whereas veterans know how to burn Ork bodies to stop the spread of their fungal spores, etc.), and gets decimated... But, fighting against the Forces of Chaos would cause even More casualties; They are manned by super-super humans (ala Warp fuelled), and most are millenia old mega-veterans (ala fighting since the Horus Heresy).

 

You say yourself, "a probable way would be pure inexperience", which is what I am trying to convey. They didn't fight all that often against xenos, so when they did they suffered heavy losses, causing them to learn to go for help so they don't constantly get buchered.

 

I can see the whole loud mouthed Space Wolf thing happening... Since Wolves are loud-mouthed to begin with anyways (Take THAT ya flea bitten mutts. :devil: ), but it leads to some really weird conclusions:

 

So, the Chapter has been fighting traitor fellow Astartes for awhile, but he luckily wins against a Space Wolf... Who coincidentally, IS an Astartes...?

 

The Chapter Master, in response to a victory, changes the order of battle, to accomodate winning honor duels in the future...? And the single Company fighting xenos sounds really "Tyrannic War Veterany"... Why not just have the Chapter Master decree that, in order to become stronger, he sends small squads to combat more Xenos; If they fail, they fail and are probably killed, if they succeed, they come back, victors, and with experience...?

 

1) As far as I know, few Wolves turn renegade, fewer than most, despite them being a larger chapter than most. This means that fighting them would be extremely rare and entirely probable, if not certain, that that particular captain had not fought against traitor Wolves. As far as I can tell, Wolves generally have a different fighting style from most other astartes. A good comparison would be like comparing most astartes to an apple, while Wolves are an orange. Since lack of experience (which led to their xenos problem which got them there in the first place) seems to be particularily bad for the Vengeance, it would make it impossible to win unless by luck.

 

2) It was a close victory, and thats what my chapter generally does anyway, only much more for traitors than xenos :lol:

 

They all became cursed in some way. The chapter knew it too would exhibit something that set it apart from other marines and possibly turn them traitor.

 

I've never heard the Cursed founding occuring like that... For all intents and pruposes, I'd think Your Chapter would see itself as pure (even if it was delusional), while hearing terrible rumors... Actual events that confirm other Chapter's failings would quickly, violenntly, and thoroughly stamped out (You don't want anyone finding out that the Sons of the Emperors are flawed in anyway...)

 

Ah, but there are always some rumors... ;)

 

This came during the seventh chpater masters time. The chapter was fighting off a traitor attack on a rocky moon when the captain of the third simply disappeared. He reappeared a few seconds later, as if he had kept on moving but had tripped His second in command dismissed it as just that. A few weeks later, a similar incident happened. Then another. Soon it was widespread knowledge amongst the chapter that their curse had come at last. And it was not so terrible.

 

It's a really weak intro to their "curse"... I mean, you should have someone important, like the seventh Chapter Master Himself, dissapearing (Otherwise, determing Which Chapter Master it is is really superfluous and pointless..) There needs to be alot more drama to make a reader feel worried and more attached as to Why it is important that they have this curse.

 

If you notice, I wasn't trying to get them worried... as I did specifically say that they didn't consider it so bad. From there point of view at the moment : Hey, we randomly disappear and then come back a few seconds later! Our curse isn't so bad after all!

 

Then a librarian tried to phase, and when he came back, he was no longer a psyker. It took him two months before he regained his powers. Marines then randomly stopped coming back. No one knew why. While there were some who obviously could phase better than their brothers and some who were worse, there should not have been marines failing to return. The number of missing marines steadily grew until finally the Chapter Master himself dissappeared.

 

Why not combine this, and the previous... And have your Master Librarian dissapear... Then you could have a more dramatic character, and have them suddenly realize what affect it has on Librarians (A Powerful one at that, too). You could also have a powerful potential conflict there... If you can spot it, that is.

 

No, because right now is the worried feeling you were looking for in the previous paragraph... I know what you are suggesting, but that isn't the theme I am looking for, and if I wanted that, I would put it into a short story... assuming I have a correct assumption of what you are trying to suggest...?

 

His successor immediately ordered that all attempts to phase were to end except those he formed into two squads. These were known as the Spectres, and those outside of the Spectres could not phase. It was punishable by death if they did, for he did not wish to lose the three hundred marines that had been lost with the chapter master.

 

Silly. Why not have something like the Death Company? If they phase, and then reappear, they get segregated? Pushed into a corner... To not embarrass the Chapter...? Or, they get honorary promotion to Veteran 1st Company, with full honors?

 

They all phase and reappear, it is the last test before being accepted into the chapter, and it provides the Spectres with knowledge of who is the most gifted at controling the curse.

 

The Vengeance of Corax recruits from a tribal world, Arkanyr, it follows the Emperor and has it's entire culture designed to create worthy recruits for the Vengeance. It has attracted the attention of the Inquisition, and it plans on creating an order of Sisters from it, with the the Eccliasiarchy's permission (and their representitives to make sure nothing goes amiss). A few psyker recruits also go to the Grey Knights as well, since for reasons unknown it seems to create slightly more Psykers than normal. The Inquisition has already investigated this and has declared the world free of the taint, although it still investigates the world every fifty years, or if one tribe starts dominating over the others. This involvement has long since kept the world tribal after many others would have become advanced, with no leader to unite the scientists it advances technologically very slowly.

 

You really should develop your Homeworld... I mean, it's just a bland overview. As it is, there nothing is to care about. Secondly, I'd take out the Sisters reference... Your world being defended by a Chapter, a Sister covenant, AND a recruiter world for the Grey Knights is pretty far-fetched. Instead of trying to add superfluous to try and make the homeworld "awesomer", think about it's culture, incorporate it into your Chapter...

 

I'm not trying to make it more awesome (I wasn't even aware that that blatant showing of =][= is on to your chapter is favored...), I was trying to indicate the previously mentioned =][= prescence there. I mean, it's not like the =][= would EVER investigate anything, particularily cursed founding chapters, right?

 

Also, don't Assume that the reader knows what you're instantly trying to bring across... It can be subtle, with a few "Who knows" mysteries thrown in to make things more fun, but don't use such ambiguous terms... "They took heavy casualties fighting Xenos"... YOU may know how the hell why, but you need to make clear WHY to the reader... "They took heavy casualties fighting Xenos... Because they were to busy scratching their butts/young to know what the heck to do/confused because they lost their whole Leadership force in a Drop pod/ etc."

 

 

I know what you are trying to say, but I thought I had it all explained.... I will go back and reread it again, see if anything remains obsucre that I haven't explained here or I don't mean to remain obscure ;)