IA: White Ravens

[Dosjetka]

ok so this is the beginning of my IA for my White Ravens. <more to come>

White Ravens

Battle-Brother Tral, 3rd Company of the White Ravens

Origins

T

he White Ravens were created towards the end of M.39 (probably 24th founding) to guard the south-western border of the Imperium against threats that could come from beyond (Tyranid Hive fleets and other Xenos threats). But they were also posted in that area prior to a large-scale uprising that engulfed a whole seven star systems.

Homeworld

V

oxen. Jewel of the Thrasos system. Home of the White Ravens.

Voxen is one of the smaller planets of the system. Even if it is greatly inhabited, it is one of the most beautiful planets in the system, but many dangers lurk in the shadows of the mountains that cover most part of the continents.

The Voxen inhabitants (called Voxii) are not particularly violent people, even though feuds are frequent between tribes. But each day is a battle for survival as there are not only many wild beasts, but the nature around the human settlements seems to do everything to make their life the toughest possible, yet still leaving a small gap for only the strongest to survive.

The Voxii venerate the Emperor and yet they do have a few beliefs that are their own. <more to come>

Beliefs

T

he White Ravens' main belief is one that goes back many millenia, all the way back to the Horus Heresy, at the Battle of Istvaan V. They believe that here, their primarch, Corax, failed his duty to the Emperor by losing to the legions commanded by the Warmaster Horus. Even though the odds were too high for the Loylist's to win, they still think that Corax failed and therefore do not follow his teachings as they could possibly make them fail their holy duty to the Holy Emperor of Mankind.

Combat Doctrine

T

he White Ravens have been noted as extensively using thunder hammers, jump packs and Land Speeders.

Though they do use infiltration, they prefer other methods and only use secrecy as a last resort, as they find it cowardly to hide from the enemy, even though it could save many lives.

They have also been noted as prefering hand-to-hand combat more than long-range fighting, yet if the tactical situation demands it, the White Ravens will adapt to any situation that they face, and their strategies are based on losing the least number of brothers they can but still emerging victorious over their foe.

Although their hate for Corax's teachings in the manners of stealth and hit-and-run attacks, the White Ravens must use a minimal amount of stealth to be able to apply their favoured tactics.

One of these tactics, more used against horde-based enemies, is a diversion using a handful (usually six, to make the effect of a big prey to slaughter even greater) of Tactical squads, performing a mock retreat to draw the enemy forces with them so that at least one of the flanks or even the rear of the opposing army is shown to the Assault squads, kept in reserve, so that they are able to strike deep into the heart of the enemy, while Devastator squads, also kept in reserve or concealing themselves in some piece of terrain on the outskirts of the battlefield pour round after round of ammunition into the flanks and/or to weaken the assault against the mock retreating Tactical squads.

This is an example of how the Astartes of the White Ravens use all squads in a company to conquer a foe vastly superior in numbers and how they must use a minimal amount of deception, diversion and stealth to apply such tactics.<more to come>

Organisation

T

he White Ravens follow the teachings of the Codex Astartes with great zeal, yet in their interpretation of the Codex, they are a few light deviances, even though they believe to be strongly Codex-adherent. <more to come>

Gene-seed

The degeneration of the Raven Guard gene-seed means several of the unique organs of the Space Marines no longer work properly or no longer grow. Raven Guard do not have the Mucranoid or Betcher's Gland. The Melanchromic Organ has a unique mutation that causes the skin of the Space Marine to grow paler. Eventually each Marine's skin becomes pure white while their hair and eyes darken, becoming black as coal. [from lexicanum]

As descendants of the Raven Guard and fellow sons of Corax, the White Ravens share the same flaws in their gene-seed.

Battlecry

T

he White Ravens' battle cry is shouted in defiance to the enemy as they walk into battle, their boltguns delivering death to the foe they face.

"Fear us! We are the White Ravens! We will bring only death to our foes!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

any good up to now? C&C needed and very welcome!

I want to get this chapter up to Librarium standard, as fast as possible.

Anyone reading this will do me a massive favour by pointing out flaws, be they major or minor.

Edit: This article is being updated regularly so come back to see the changes made!

[space wolf]

I just have a few questions:

In your origins section, you go into some detail about these chaos cultists and the battle that is fought with them, but what does that have to do with the origins of your chapter? You state quite clearly in the beginning why they were assigned to that sector. Then, you tell this story that generally just involves the imperial fists. Now, I know your not done yet, so maybe there is much more to tell. But in my opinion you go into too much detail about the occurrences there and not enough about your chapter. Secondly if the chaos taint was so bad, why didn't they just bombard the planet form orbit? Again there are big holes in the whole picture, because you are not done, so all my points may not matter when you finish, but thus far you have a solid idea :lol:

[Captain Lucas Raziel]

The White Ravens have been noted as extensively using thunder hammers, jump packs and Land Speeders.

Though they do use infiltration, they prefer other methods and only use secrecy as a last resort, as they find it cowardly to hide from the enemy, even though it could save many lives.

 

AHHH! what?! Sons of Corax finding secrecy cowardly?! rephrase! :lol:

 

The White Ravens have been noted as extensively using thunder hammers, jump packs and Land Speeders

 

why is this? please explain

 

also, dont quote, just copy and paste, or just put what you have after it.

 

Iron Gauntlet: 11/20

[Dosjetka]

I just have a few questions:

In your origins section, you go into some detail about these chaos cultists and the battle that is fought with them, but what does that have to do with the origins of your chapter? You state quite clearly in the beginning why they were assigned to that sector. Then, you tell this story that generally just involves the imperial fists. Now, I know your not done yet, so maybe there is much more to tell. But in my opinion you go into too much detail about the occurrences there and not enough about your chapter. Secondly if the chaos taint was so bad, why didn't they just bombard the planet form orbit? Again there are big holes in the whole picture, because you are not done, so all my points may not matter when you finish, but thus far you have a solid idea :lol:

maybe i should put the battle part in history...it tells the story of the battle that purged the systems and then the decision to create a new chapter to crush any new uprising or outside attack as these systems are very important to the whole sector (not yet in the fluff). that's also why they didn't bombard the planet as it is strategically important.

maybe i should replace the IF with raven guard so that there is a reason to use their gene-seed....i think it would work better.

 

@Captian Lucas Raziel: i put this down but i'll explain in the fluff soon enough.

patience my friend ^_^

yes they find it cowardly, and that's why they don't have very good contact with their founding chapter (point to add into my fluff)

 

thanks for your comments!

 

more fluff to come to fill in the holes.

 

BB Ludovic

[The Nephilim]

which led to the conclusion that they venerated the Chaos God Tzeentch, Lord of Change, the Great Architect of Chaos.

I don’t see an Imperial record droning on with the various titles of a despised warp entity. My two cents.

 

The uprising was caused by a small yet very influential sect dedicated to Chaos. It infected the minds of the nobles in many of the Hives on the planets of those seven systems. The most corrupted nobles and Imperial Commanders became very powerful psykers and were named “the Chosen of Change”, which led to the conclusion that they venerated the Chaos God Tzeentch, Lord of Change, the Great Architect of Chaos.

It was a routine Imperial Guard patrol that uncovered the uprising when they entered the Pratos system, the one the most to the west of the area, and were immediately attacked by a vastly superior force of corrupted ships.

The patrol was destroyed but the on-board navigator just managed to send a distress call to the nearby system of Klax.

When the Imperial Commander of Tosis, the most important planet and the seat of the Imperial power of the system, was informed about the uprising, he immediately put the PDF forces of the whole system on maximum alert and sent a urgent message to a nearby Imperial Fist fleet to request their aid.

The presence of the fleet, although unknown to the Imperial Commander, who thought it was just the good will of the Emperor, was justified by a small Ork warband wreaking havoc in a nearby system.

The Imperial forces there were unable to stop the Orks' hit-and-run attacks and sent for aid. The Astartes replied to the call, cleansed the system of the greenskin filth, and were proceeding back to their rendez-vous point with the battle-barge <name> when they received the Commander's call for aid.

As it is custom to the Astartes, the Imperial Fist force made a lightning attack on the rebels' HQ, a huge cathedral to the Emperor, now corrupted into something unrecognisable, and managed to kill some of the “Chosen”, yet they uncovered the terrible plan of a daemonic summoning ritual and decided to cleanse the area so that no daemons could be summoned.

They fought with the holy wrath of the Emperor and killed thousands of cultists, yet the flow never stopped and soon, the Astartes were overwhelmed.

Knowing that they were loosing, Chaplain Demetros sent a message to the strike cruiser above and ordered the bridge commander to call for any reinforcements in the area as quickly as possible so that they could stop such a large-scale daemonic invasion.

The bridge commander managed to contact the <name>, even though there were heavy disturbances in the warp, a bad omen to what was to come, and requested that it arrive as quickly as possible into the system. Also, the bridge commander of the strike cruiser asked for the Grey Knights to be called for, in case of daemonic invasion. <more to come>

This whole section needs to be reworked. All of the events, due to your wording, seem overly lucky on the behalf of the Imperials, or just always in the nick of time. Some plot devices seem weak (no offense) and overly cliché. I was going to edit the whole thing for you in the quote, but I don’t want to rewrite you work for you.

[DarkUncle2003]

BBL, great start to a great chapter!

 

I would like to see a color scheme up, it may just be me but that helps to get me off and going.

 

I do have to comment though. You have a lot of statements that say "We do this and like this, but we also do everything else, even though we prefer this"

 

Pick something and go. Sometimes it is what a chapter doesn't do, not what it does, that makes it unique.

 

So for instance. The White Ravens favor Thunderhammers, jump assaults and melee combat. They scorn stealth and hide and seek tactics. (this could make their hated foe the Alpha Legion, who could have been behind the uprising the whole time). Maybe their original purpose to guard against tyranids and xenos changed

 

I would get rid of the stuff about the Imp fists fighting the orks. Just say they were the first to respond to the distress signal and then say that they couldn't hack it and asked for help and thats when you showed up.

 

I would suggest making your chapter fleet based. Have you settled on the Gene-seed you are from?

 

I will be watching this thread closely!

 

GC1: 8/20

[UltimateJake]

Well I just read over it and I have a couple issues:

 

1. Need more info on the homeworld and why would a chapter inhabit a beautiful world that is not greatly inhabitted? Remember, space marines need recruits to sruvive and Voxen just doesn't sound like it would provide that much for them.

 

2. They don't really seem like Sons of Corax. I think every descendant of the Raven Guard uses extensive stealth tactics. The Raptors have jungle warfare and stealth tactics and I'm sure the Black Guard use something similar. We also need explanation on why your chapter would have different tactics, because usually chapters are trained by senior members from their parent chapter. This would mean Raven Guard would train your chapter so they would likely use stealth tactics and they wouldn't say cowardly as that is just disrespectful towards their Primarch. Unless you give a good reason on the combat doctrine then that is a big flaw.

 

3. Need to hear a bit more about the organization. But, that can wait.

 

Other than that it all seems good, but needs to be fleshed out.

 

Iron Gauntlet: 8/20

[Dosjetka]

firstly i would like to thank all of you for posting your comments! it really does help.

thanks for pointing out the flaws and i will correct them as soon as i can.

 

@The Nephilim: yes i re-read after posting and i've spent most of the afternoon re-doing that whole part on a sheet of paper. thanks though for pointing it out.

i'll also change the thing about Tzeentch.

 

@DarkUncle2003: colour scheme is coming up very soon, probably the next thing i'm adding.

about the favoured tactics, they have basically specialised to combat chaos (they have met chaotic forces in many battles and campaigns in the area, need to add the whole fluff in the history part.). i went with the idea of doing a chapter based on IF's but everyone (nearly) is doing that so, i thought of sallies but i settled for Corax. but then i haven't found a good reason for their scorn for stealth. maybe because their homeworld was attacked by infiltrated chaos forces? i'll have to see.

 

no,no,no. the whole IF part happens before my chapter was even created! it's to explain the initial uprising and the cause of their creation. maybe i went a bit too far in the details... :)

 

fleet-based? oh because i said it was a beautiful planet and it was scarcely populated? that's going to be flushed out and replaced as soon as i'm done with the whole chapter history part.

 

as i've said i'm uncertain about the gene-seed now...i'll have to see. maybe suggest one primarch's gene-seed but leave gap for speculation about another primarch's gene-seed being used?

 

@UltimateJake: about the homeworld: it IS very beautiful, but that doesn't mean it has no dangers, and the beauty of one thing for one person isn't the same for someone else...(i was thinking of putting lakes with very high amount of sulphuric acid caused by the proximity of many volcanoes, active or dormant, and a great place for the Trial of the Raven (a trial all youths have to pass even before being selected to be inducted into the chapter)).

 

not sure about the whole "Raven Guard are cowards" thing right now...maybe something to do with some Raven Guard going traitor and attacking a White Raven force by surprise and the White Ravens think that their own founding chapter is attacking them and then fight back for survival? (it could maybe explain why a part of my chapter went rogue, this is in my experimental fluff on paper)?

 

the organisation is coming soon.

 

again thanks to all of the people who posted your comments! really does help!

 

as always, C&C welcome :P

 

BB Ludovic

[UltimateJake]

I hoped you were gonna do something with the homeworld. So that sounds fine if you want to make it deadly beautiful. :)

 

As for them not liking Raven Guard. Perhaps make them not revere Corax because of his failings.

 

EDIT: Curses. I keep forgetting to keep a tally of the actual helpful comments I leave. :P 10/20 for me.

[Dosjetka]

I hoped you were gonna do something with the homeworld. So that sounds fine if you want to make it deadly beautiful. :)

 

As for them not liking Raven Guard. Perhaps make them not revere Corax because of his failings.

yes, there will be an invasion and scars left from it *evil grin*

 

yes, that's a really good idea! thank you sir!

 

BB Ludovic

 

Edit: i've also added a colour scheme for this chapter, tell me what you think of it please. :P

[Ace Debonair]

How about making use of the idea that Corax didn't want a stealth legion. If I have it right, he was forced into the compromise after his experiments to quickly bolster numbers went tragically wrong. They could merely claim be fulfilling the role that Corax had originally intended for them, hence the neglect of stealth disciplines.

 

That is, of course, if I've remembered this right. If Corax always wanted a sneaky legion then it'd be better to ignore everything I've just said.

 

I'f I'm right, though... that's post 8/20 for me. :sweat:

[UltimateJake]

The colorscheme is rather nice and another idea for the Primarch would make them revere their first chaptermaster ahead of Corax due to his teachings or something similar to the Sons of Orar chapter. But, just don't make it to over the top.

[CantonWC]

How about making use of the idea that Corax didn't want a stealth legion. If I have it right, he was forced into the compromise after his experiments to quickly bolster numbers went tragically wrong. They could merely claim be fulfilling the role that Corax had originally intended for them, hence the neglect of stealth disciplines.

 

That is, of course, if I've remembered this right. If Corax always wanted a sneaky legion then it'd be better to ignore everything I've just said.

 

Oh no you don't, Ace. Corax was always the stealth/surgical strike specialist, it's just that it became even more necessary as he was attempting to rebuild his Legion.

 

Cheers

[InquisitorHayn]

I believe one of the major issues here, and I realize that there is still much work being done, is that you appear happy to simply state facts. As a writer, you must always remember to view your work from the eyes of the reader. A reader, as we fluff hounds all know, craves the little details. The reader will ask how and why even when you may think it irrelevant. Therefore, your writing must either answer those questions, or have an implicit reason for being intentionally vague (i.e. the lost legions).

 

If your chapter disdains stealth tactics so (strange for sons of the Raven), they would definitely be more in favor of ranged weaponry. Vehicles and drop pods, I imagine, are large and loud. Very visible. No enemy with half a brain or animal instincts, after overcoming initial surprise, is going to close with an obviously prepared foe when they can first whittle them down at range.

 

Battlecry. If it is indeed a silent prayer or whispered oath, then you might lean more towards: "The White Ravens have no official battlecry, as they prefer not to warn their enemies of their impending demise," though this concept does not seem to fit with a Chapter who prefers to fight in full view of the enemy. If they have a "bring it on" attitude, then let them roar their defiance over the thunder of battle and let the heathens cower before you bring them death on iron wings! Sorry, I get excited ;)

 

Kudos on joining the challenge. I look forward to seeing your burgeoning concept come to fruition.

[Dosjetka]

again thank for all the comments!

 

@Ace Debonair: thanks for the idea but i've thought of another one and as CantonWC put it, i don't think that he wanted to do that at all. thanks anyway.

 

@UltimateJake: um...no, that isn't my idea. i'm not sure who posted it but someone mentionned something to do with the Alpha Legion...just a little clue to what's coming next ;)

 

@InquisitorHayn: ok i'll take that into account now as i'm re-writing the whole history/origins fluff part.

 

If your chapter disdains stealth tactics so (strange for sons of the Raven), they would definitely be more in favor of ranged weaponry. Vehicles and drop pods, I imagine, are large and loud. Very visible. No enemy with half a brain or animal instincts, after overcoming initial surprise, is going to close with an obviously prepared foe when they can first whittle them down at range.

i'm not sure i understood that very well...could please rephrase it?

 

Battlecry. If it is indeed a silent prayer or whispered oath, then you might lean more towards: "The White Ravens have no official battlecry, as they prefer not to warn their enemies of their impending demise," though this concept does not seem to fit with a Chapter who prefers to fight in full view of the enemy. If they have a "bring it on" attitude, then let them roar their defiance over the thunder of battle and let the heathens cower before you bring them death on iron wings!

hm...yes that's right...sorry about that. my whole idea is quite the opposite of a silent prayer/oath (i've changed that in the Battlecry part)

 

 

again thanks to all! i really feel as if i'm getting somewhere now *large grin*

 

keep on giving me your C&C!

 

BB Ludovic

[Ace Debonair]

Oh no you don't, Ace. Corax was always the stealth/surgical strike specialist, it's just that it became even more necessary as he was attempting to rebuild his Legion.

Cheers

 

Ah? Then I have been misinformed. Pity, because that would have been a fun route to go down.

 

I want to get this chapter up to Librarium standard, as fast as possible.

Anyone reading this will do me a massive favour by pointing out flaws, be they major or minor.

Where have I read this before...? ;)

 

I can't really add any other useful ideas right now. Hopefully I can contribute more once you get more ideas down.

[Dosjetka]

ok well thank you anyway for you input Ace!

;) yes i did take that from you, hope you don't mind!

your contribution is always welcome!

 

Edit: i added a new part in the beliefs section to explain part of the reason they do not follow Corax's teachings. please tell me what you think of it!

 

BB Ludovic

[DarkUncle2003]

BBL

 

Nice color scheme. Is it more a metallic or a matte gray?

 

I tend to agree. If they are sons of Corax then they definitely need to either toe the line with the stealth, or be pretty much the opposite. From the sounds of it you are heading in the "we like to be loud and in your face" type fighting. Especially given their fondness for Thunder Hammers over Lightning claws.

 

I really like the idea of their home world being 'deadly beautiful'. Reminds me of Pandora if that is the case (which was a pretty cool looking planet)

 

I would suggest picking a few major people like chaplains or captains who really had an impact on your chapter and use them to tell us why you are different from the other successors of the Raven Guard.

GC1: 11/20

[DarkUncle2003]

I was reading. The belief thing is O.K. but if that is true and they don't really follow his teachings b/c of his failure then why, in your description of their organs and such is this posted

 

"As descendants of the Raven Guard, proud Sons of Corax, the White Ravens have the same flaws in their gene-seed."

 

Bold is mine. They don't really seem like proud sons if they can't forgive their father for losing at one of the greatest ambushes/betrayals of all time.

 

My two cents. Also, I am not trying to be harsh, just trying to get your Ravens to mesh with what it sounds like you are getting at.

 

GC 1: 12/20

[Dosjetka]

Is it more a metallic or a matte gray?

i was thinking more matte grey...

 

I tend to agree. If they are sons of Corax then they definitely need to either toe the line with the stealth, or be pretty much the opposite. From the sounds of it you are heading in the "we like to be loud and in your face" type fighting. Especially given their fondness for Thunder Hammers over Lightning claws.

yup, you understood correct!! :P

 

I really like the idea of their home world being 'deadly beautiful'. Reminds me of Pandora if that is the case (which was a pretty cool looking planet)

haven't seen the film yet but i've played the game on ps3 and i know what you're talking about ;) *evil grin*

 

I would suggest picking a few major people like chaplains or captains who really had an impact on your chapter and use them to tell us why you are different from the other successors of the Raven Guard.

yes that will come very soon, mark my words ;) (which basically means it's just a pile of vague ides in my head, waiting to be written down on paper :blink: )

 

BB Ludovic

 

I was reading. The belief thing is O.K. but if that is true and they don't really follow his teachings b/c of his failure then why, in your description of their organs and such is this posted

 

"As descendants of the Raven Guard, proud Sons of Corax, the White Ravens have the same flaws in their gene-seed."

 

Bold is mine. They don't really seem like proud sons if they can't forgive their father for losing at one of the greatest ambushes/betrayals of all time.

 

My two cents. Also, I am not trying to be harsh, just trying to get your Ravens to mesh with what it sounds like you are getting at.

 

GC 1: 12/20

yes well i didn't put the White Ravens as proud sons of corax but the raven guard...sorry about that, it wasn't written very well i guess...and i shouldn't put that down if they don't like them...

[Brother Michaels]

why are they called the white ravens if the colour scheme is not white?

[Ferrus Manus]

why are they called the white ravens if the colour scheme is not white?

While your at it, ask GW why the Red Scorpions are black... :blink:

[Brother Michaels]

why are they called the white ravens if the colour scheme is not white?

While your at it, ask GW why the Red Scorpions are black... :blink:

 

i know why is that? they should be called black scorpions

[Dosjetka]

:blink: good point. well, there armour was white before but they painted there armour these coulours to reflect the environement of their homeworld (ie: grey=mountains, red=volcanoes/lava) and they do not feel that white is appropriate as they feel tainted by Corax's failiure and seek to redeem themselves from his failiure, wash the taint away.

 

BB Ludovic

 

why are they called the white ravens if the colour scheme is not white?

While your at it, ask GW why the Red Scorpions are black... ;)

 

i know why is that? they should be called black scorpions

:P

yes they should but they aren't...so there, i will not change their name....i like it, it relflects a part of their battle doctrine.

[Ace Debonair]

I think that belief needs to be expanded on, to be honest.

 

Granted, Corax made a mess of things, but he was betrayed and left alone to fight.

Given that it was standing and fighting that caused the Raven Gaurd to sustain those crippling losses in the first place, why would a successor chapter unhappy at what happened defiantly do the same thing?

 

Perhaps the chapter is prideful and arrogant, then?

Or perhaps they look to overcome the shame of Corax's failure there by fighting so boldly?

 

It also seems that your chapter favours a sudden, impactful style of fighting.

Might I suggest that they utilize some stealth simply to get units to where they could do the maximum possible damage before assaulting a foe?

 

This could be a novel twist, as Raven Guard successors rarely have the numbers of fighters seen in other chapters due to the failing geneseed.