IT: Wings of Death

[Ferrata]

Hey, before I start I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this. The Wings of Death have been the work of going on four years now. They have come from being stranded, murdering monsters to something, I like to believe, a little more refined and logical. This current version of the chapter is similar to the previous one, as I feel I have took the chapter in a direction I finally like. But still there has been changes to respond to comments. I have decided to release this version in piecemeal, as I realise that the task of reading five thousand plus words (and still growing) doesn't really appeal to everyone. This is the first chunk of their history, dealing with their creation to the start of their fall from grace. Thanks again, Ferrata

 

Origins

The origins of the Wings of Death are rooted at the start of the thirty-third millennium. After several large-scale incursions into the Imperium, numerous fronts had begun to falter under the pressure of the enemy. In response, the High Lords decided there was an urgent requirement for new chapters of the Adeptus Astartes, and ordered the Eighth Founding. One such chapter was the Wings of Death who began their life under the tutelage of the Lions Excisio. A naturally barbaric chapter, these veterans guided the young chapter into the heat of battle.

Wings of Death Marine

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?b62c=@i8y3o_hDpRH.iaj2F@@@@@@@hE4kM@_@@..@@@@@@@@@@@@.@.@@@@@@@@@@__@@@@@@@@@@@@@_iakk7&

A majority of the tract of space known as the Aetherius Stars had once been a fruitful section of the Imperium in the days of the Emperor, but after the Great Heresy, they had been lost to His light. Now they had become a breeding ground for enemies of the Imperium that threatened to encroach towards worlds that had remained loyal. Immediately after the Wings had completed years of combat training and deemed a functional and sacred chapter, they were ordered to cleanse the Aetherius Stars. Joined by a small number of Guard regiments, the chapter left their final safe harbour and joined the Oloruna Campaign. Deeming their work holier than a mere Imperial campaign, the Wings christened their fight the Angelicus Crusade; the Crusade of Angels.

 

Their brutal surgical strikes made the Wings the catalyst for almost all of the victories of the Oloruna Campaign, allowing the Imperium to form a stable power base within the Aetherius Stars. As the Imperial Guard finished pacifying the worlds of the Olorun system and specialists brought in to structure the new lands, the Wings looked outwards into the Stars. Continuing their crusade, the chapter quickly brought a handful of systems to heel gaining a reputation as a valuable ally of the newly formed Olorun Subsector Command. Watching eyes hidden deep in the darkness had noticed the growing wealth and power of the Imperium in their lands; they gathered their forces to assault the gains of the Wings.

 

The Ork Empire Shakgrot and the chaos war host of De?Kol formed an unholy alliance, urging each other into the guns of the Imperium. It was against these two foes that the Wings tasted their first defeats and heroic victories. The defence of three systems finally turned into a counter-assault across four, guardsmen advancing towards the banners of the chapter who had already found battle. With the enemy routed and forced to flee back into the darkness of the Aetherius Stars, the Wings had become the figurehead of the subsector, toasted across more than a dozen worlds and revered as demigods of the Emperor. The Shakgrot-De?Kol wars had only succeeded in cementing the bond between the chapter and their allies.

 

Furthering their efforts, chasing the last remaining remnants of De?Kol's host, and the warlord himself who had managed to escape punishment, the Wings tore through a number of worlds that they believed to be hiding De'Kol. This onslaught by the chapter doubled the region requiring the defence of the Imperium, surpassing the capabilities of the subsector forces. Command pleaded with the Wings to halt their expansion to allow a time of recuperation, stabilisation, and indoctrination of the new populations, but the Wings refused, for to not be fighting their crusade when they had the strength to do so would be a crime against the chapter.

 

With each victory, the Wings erected statues to dedicate the land to those brothers who had lost their lives. But soon these combat loses became too much, their recruitment rate could not sustain the chapter any longer. Reluctantly the Wings ceased active operations, leaving the Aetherius Stars for the first time since entering them. The chapter's retreat abandoned the under-strength Imperial Guard regiments in the hands of the newly founded chapter; the Disciples of Man.

 

For a century the Wings were absent from the Stars, vowing not to return until they could never cease in their duty. As a new influx of recruits swelled the ranks and trained rigorously across dozens of worlds, the two active battle companies fought a number of minor skirmishes outside of the Aetherius Stars. Though they fought for a distant administration, interacted with its personnel within their newly forming subsector, the Wings cared little for the internal politics and troubles that faced the Imperium. They became blinkered to the larger picture of their purpose, a blessing that allowed them unquestionable faith in the righteousness of their actions and a curse that left them unable to call up allies outside of their small portion of the Imperium.

 

Firmly believing that they had achieved optimum-fighting efficiency once again, the Wings returned to the Olorun subsector and the Aetherius Stars but found the situation much changed. Many of the worlds, which the chapter had shed blood for, had been lost to resurgent enemies, the Imperium forced to shorten its borders to be able to fully defend them. Outraged and hurt by the wasting of their lives, the chapter lost themselves in the history of the past one hundred years, desperate to find answers for their pain. They found such a thing in the Disciples of Man, those who had suggested the withdrawal from the most isolated planets to allow the Imperium to regroup and secure the ground it had managed to keep. The strategy had worked beautifully, the Disciples were able to push the enemy back and retake many of the lost planets more thoroughly than the Wings had ever managed. Nevertheless, in the eyes of the Wings, they had been cowards.

 

The tactical sense of this move was lost on the Wings as many of their statues lay defaced, destroyed or in the hands of the enemy. These small effigies were more than mere vanity on behalf of the chapter, but a remembrance to those warriors who had given their lives. To see such fates fall upon them was a blow the Wings found hard to take. Their distaste for the Disciples was only worsened as they discovered that many recaptured worlds now praised the Disciples as their saviours. The Wings believed the young chapter were either unable to do His duty, or deceitful for allowing planets to fall only to return them for their own glory. The Wings threw themselves into a series of brutal campaigns aimed at those lost worlds, a move which would only damage their reputation amongst the Commanders of the sub-sector.

 

It was during this period that the first of a number of extraordinary events occurred. On the small mining planet of Rhamiel, an enemy stronghold, which a Wings detachment had been unable to secure, suddenly fell in the middle of the night to an unknown force. Advancing on the now undefended fortress, the Wings discovered no trace of their unidentified ally bar a scattering of feathers. Believing the traitorous enemy to have summoned warp-beings that had then turned upon them, the detachment handed over command of the compound to the Imperial Guard.

 

The events upon Rhamiel were not isolated and over the following centuries a further seven cases were reported to the sub-sectors high command. All followed the same pattern, the enemies of the Wings mysteriously slaughtered whilst no trace of their assailants remained. The reports each contained mention of feathers of daemonic origin and all concluded that their enemy had fallen to the Ruinous Powers that had been rife in the Aetherius Stars after the Heresy. Doubt had begun to fall upon these conclusions after thirty-third such case occurred.

 

The Culex Rebellion, a system wide rebellion that the Wings subjugated almost alone, saw four such instances occur alone causing much speculation from allied forces. During the rebellion, sensationalising of the daemonic forces spread and full reports into ruinous activity in the Aetherius Stars was drafted by a number of scholars. One, the Exspes Testimony, was a detailed commentary mainly of the early conflicts against the warlord De?Kol, but gained popularity by playing to the scaremongers over the controversy surrounding the Wings of Death. The authors of the Testimony were the first to openly state that no similar events had occurred to any Imperial army in the now sector bar the Wings; even to those forces deployed in the same battle theatre. Whilst it was never suggested that the Wings were involved with the daemonic allies, as the Testimony called them, it was heavy whisper in the text. Upon the publication of the report, such was the ruckus it caused, an external investigation into the chapter was ordered.

 

Chapter Master Adnachiel out right refused such an undignified intrusion of his chapter and vowed the Wings would declare their loyalty to the Emperor in battle. Forced to back down under the guns of the navy, Adnachiel allowed the investigation to proceed. Inquisitor Cethegus along with Veteran Sergeant Maerk, an Astartes representative of the Disciples of Man, and a force of nearly a hundred aides, headed the investigation. Whilst Cethegus and his team sieved through the vast Library of Angels aboard the Pride of the Emperor, Maerk accompanied a number of Wings deployments to report upon their battlefield activity.

 

Adnachiel was true to his word and although their loyalty was in question, the Wings were fierce in their pursuit of enemies, engaging in countless conflicts across many systems. Cethegus? verdict, entitled the Perfidelis Report, concluded that the Wings of Death were indeed loyal to the Emperor and the daemonic events that had hounded them were merely unfortunate coincidences at best or a cunning strategy by the Ruinous Powers to disrupt the Imperium at worst. Though given a full pardon and an apology by all those involved in the accusations, the chapter never forgave those who had doubted them and further blamed the Disciples of Man for not supporting their brother chapter.

 

The Fall from Grace

The Wings became a much-isolated force after the Perfidelis Report, their ego broken by how few had supported them. Whilst the Disciples of Man acted as the vanguard for numerous famous campaigns, the Wings headed their own, smaller ones. Only able to gain assistance from a small number of Guard regiments, the chapter absorbed the brunt of these wars. Even during these dark days, the chapter?s faith in Angelicus Crusade?s holy cause drove them into the heat of battle, each engagement earning them a fragment of their precious honour back.

 

During this time, the daemonic creatures that had plagued the chapter were present more than ever. Almost at every turn, during every battle, a small number of these daemons would appear and aid the Wings. Whispers of the Perfidelis Report begin to resurface; maybe the conclusion had been hasty. Uncertain eyes begun to fall upon the chapter again, their isolation from the Imperium was deemed an ill fortune. Through all of this, the chapter prevailed, their martial strength and unwavering faith never allowing them to falter.

 

Their self-imposed exile to the fringes of Imperial space had brought a number of wealthy systems to heel, a feat that eased the tense smiles of those around the chapter. As more praise and gratitude was laid in their hands, the warmth of the Emperor slowly returned to the hearts of the Wings of Death. Their campaigns grew in size, returning to the splendour of their earlier actions, and even occurrences of their daemonic allies vastly reduced in numbers. The palaces of many governors flew the colours of the Wings - the glorious orange of their ambition and the cream of their sacrifice. As the chapter seemed to be leaving the depression of the Perfidelis Report behind them, fate struck another cruel blow to their pride.

 

In the great halls of Aeternus, heart of the Olorun system, the bells tolled in celebration for it was three thousand years since the coming of the Disciples of Man. Whilst the capital world was clad in the white and gold of the younger chapter, the Wings of Death to a marine were engaged in battle. At the forefront of their minds was the lack of their own remembrance, their broken vanity driving them forward into the ranks of the enemy. The tangible relationships that had been painfully reformed were obliterated in this single instance.

 

Once again, they fled to the edge of the Imperial space, believing they could resolve the sins of others with the blood of the enemy. The banners of the Angelicus Crusade were raised high on many battlefields; unfortunately, too many brethren of the Wings lay beneath them. Without the hordes of the Imperial Guard to aid their cause, the chapter took the burden of the causalities. True to their word, their never ceased in their holy cause, even when they were reduced to fewer than two Battle Companies. The advancement of their campaigns were slow, having to return to planets numerous times as under-strength PDF forces were overrun by rebellious forces. Only their faith in themselves kept them fighting, unable to accept they could fail in their duty.

 

Their campaigns would have decimated the Wings beyond the Imperium?s ability, or willingness, to rebuild the chapter, if it was not for the warp-beings. Countless times the Wings were saved by the sudden appearance of these angelic daemons, assaulting the enemy from the rear or from within. Victories were achieved from the jaws of defeat as the dark hearted Astartes broke the back of their foes on the harpy calls of their angels.

 

As the chapter tittered on the brink of destruction, a rare joint engagement with the Disciples of Man occurred. Though this much aggrieved the Wings, they could not refuse when they were personally requested for aid. The Governor of Puch had declared himself successor to the throne of De?Kol, and in doing so challenged the Imperium to sovereignty of the Aetherius Stars. Whilst the Tactical Squads of the Disciples cleansed the fields and streets of frenzied cultists, it was the elite of the Wings of Death that assaulted the fortress of Puch.

 

Over sixty veterans swept through the corridors and rooms of the desecrated Imperial Palace. The palace guard, who had pledged themselves to De?Kol and the Gods of Chaos, were more than mere mortal men but still they were no match for the fury of the Wings of Death. As the chapter closed in on the throne room, a terrible cry echoed across the city and as one, every citizen charged towards the palace. Engaged on both sides, the Wings fought bravely and without respite, but even they could not hold of the horde forever. As it seemed like the Wings would lose the day, the screams of their enemies rang throughout the palace ? the chapter had been saved. Through the clouds of disarray and confusion, it was not the white armour of the Disciplines of Man but the white wings of daemons. With such a force behind them, the day belonged to the Wings of Death.

 

In the aftermath of the Puch Rebellion, Lord Governor Shaftiel who originated from the world, held a great festival to rejoice in the victory of the Imperium. Not wanting to taint their Lord Governor?s home world, the reports left out all mention of the daemons that had aided the Imperium, with the Disciples of Man taking the honour as the saviours. As such, it was gold and white that adorned the capital world once more instead of the orange and cream. Though they were invited to join the celebration, the Wings never entered the Olorun system, instead limping away to lick their wounds.

It was a turbulent time for the Wings of Death, though their ranks swelled with wave after wave of new recruits, they were born into a bitter chapter. The Misgiving of Puch had torn the last shred of hope out of the chapter, never again would they let lesser men insult them. In this aura of misery, they were visited by a prophet. A woman who spoke of the chapter like a child she had nurtured, a prodigy that had come to fruit. She reminded them of who had saved them on Puch, who had aided them countless times before ? not the Imperium, not their brethren Astartes, but her and her angels. With the slightest wave of her hand, ghostly images appeared aboard the Pride of the Emperor, all those brothers that had fallen since the start of the Angelicus Crusade ? stood side-by-side were ancient Chapter Masters like Adnachiel and Ambriel, marines who had given their lives centuries before. The gesture was too much for the shattered pride of the Wings of Death and they realised the true destiny of their lives. Without a single voice in favour of the Emperor, the Wings pledged their hearts to the prophet and her patron Ynsoldea. Their first act in her service was redemption.

 

From the Darkness

The Wings disappeared from Imperial contact for nearly half century before appearing in the Discelo system, home to the Disciples of Man. Offering gestures of brother-hood and penance for their actions, the Wings were able to penetrate to the most sacred of inner sanctums of the Disciples' fortress-monastery. From here, they were able to rip the beating soul out of the loyal chapter without risking the lives of their own men. In a slaughter that lasted for seventeen nights and seventeen days, the entire population was culled. The desecration of the world did not end with simple bloodshed; the monastery was pillaged and destroyed. By the time the Disciples had heard of the destruction of Discelo, the Wings had long disappeared.

 

Over the next century, the Wings of Death set about systematically destroying the chapter they felt had betrayed them. It begun with an assault on the small strike cruiser Emperor?s Hope, the first move in a campaign that would result in the massacre of the Disciples. The Wings almost mirrored the deployment of the loyalist chapter, eventually butchering their remaining marines on the fields of Nephtys.

 

Since the destruction of the Disciples, the Wings of Death have embarked on an all out assault on the Aetherius Stars. The campaign, dubbed the Daemonicus Crusade by Imperial Scholars, has all but crumbled the resistance of the Olorun sector, leaving them in a situation not too dissimilar to their state before the arrival of the Wings. This bloodshed has been brought on two fronts, the civil unrest and out-right rebellion caused through the preaching of Ynsoldea. With entire cultures erupting in brutal war from within, collapsing the Imperial power upon itself, there is little the armed forces can do besides pray.

 

Unfortunately, this is a mere drop of desolation in the ocean of wrath that the chapter itself weighs upon the Imperium. The fleets of the Wings appear without warning, dropping out of the Immaterium to assault the planet of their choosing. These poorly defended worlds have little hope against the might of Astartes, and soon only blood soaks the ground. Before an Imperial taskforce can be mustered, the Wings have retreated back into the shadows from where they came from. Massacres such as the Bloodening of Sorush, or the Dawn of the Endless Night, have ripped the beating heart out of the Olorun sector. The lack of morale and hope within these worlds has plummeted them into anarchy. Even the capital world has not escaped the fury of the Wings, the traitorous marines having stepped foot on the surface three times to bludgeon the civilians into despair.

 

The Wings have been brought to battle on multiple occasions, frequently resulting in a shattering battle that costs both sides heavily. The Veronian 87th claimed a famous victory over the chapter, setting their names forever in the chronicles of the Imperium. The people of Mihr defended their hives valiantly, costing the Wings many brothers for their efforts before being finally overrun. Though their actions are difficult to predict, the chapter's thirst for acceptance even in a negative manner means they can be goaded into wars were others would meekly hide.

 

Outside of the straying eye of the Imperium, the Wings have found battle against the Orks of the Shakgrot clan; an ancient rivalry that has yet to end. Eldar raiders have foolishly attempted to pillage the fleets of the chapter, costing them their lives. Alien worlds belonging to the Drakor, Ha'then and Brem-inor have all endured wars with the warriors of Ynsoldea. Though the Wings have never splintered into roaming war bands like many that fall to the clutches of Chaos, they have fought against their Ruinous brethren. The Martyrs of De'Kol have been purged from the stars, as have the Prophets of Tze and the Mathanian Armies.

 

How the Wings survive with battle on so many fronts is an answer that has eluded the Imperium for millennia. Their daemonic allies that were once a plague now must keep the chapter alive. Whether the Wings hold an empire or group of worlds to strike out at has never been found, no evidence has ever surfaced hinting at such breeding grounds. Inquisitor Chigi has begun his life's work, the Degeneris Report, that has tracked the movements and engagements of the Wings of Death since their creation. This tomb of knowledge is the hope of many Imperial Commanders; praying to the Emperor that this work could eventually force the Wings of Death to answer for their crimes.

Edited July 1, 2010 by Ferrata

[Ace Debonair]

A majority of the tract of space known as the Aetherius Stars had once been a fruitful section of the Imperium in the days of The Emperor, but after the Great Heresy, they had been lost to His light. Now they had become a breeding ground for enemies of the state that threatened to encroach towards worlds that had remained loyal. Immediately after the Wings had completed years of combat training and deemed a functional and sacred chapter, they were ordered to cleanse the Stars. Joined by a small number of Guard regiments the chapter left their final safe harbour and joined the Oloruna Campaign. Deeming their work holier than a mere Imperial campaign, the Wings christened their fight the Angelicus Crusade, the Crusade of Angels.

 

I'm not sure enemies of the state is a phrase that suits 40k-style writing.

Other than that you have a killer story on your hands.

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Forced to back down under the guns of the navy, Adnachiel allowed the investigation to proceed.

 

That should be a capital 'N' for Navy. Also, since I think it's the first time you've mentioned them, I'd recommend writing "Imperial Navy", and then using the shorthand "Navy" from that point on.

 

What you've got is good, but it does still appear as a wall-of-text. Perhaps some pics of your colour scheme and some nice shiny headers could liven things up?

[Solomon de Gravier]

of Pride

The Wings of Death

Space Marine Chapter

Firstly: I don't like the name. I see far too many dah of dah's out there. Something different would be nice.

The origins of the Wings of Death are rooted at the start of the thirty-third millennium. After several large-scale incursions into the Imperium, numerous fronts had begun to falter under the pressure of the enemy. In response, the High Lords decided there was an urgent requirement for new chapters of the Adeptus Astartes, and ordered the Eighth Founding. One such chapter was the Wings of Death who began their life under the tutelage of the Lions Sanguine. A naturally barbaric chapter, these veterans guided the young chapter into the heat of battle.

 

I wouldn't include the name of the founding chapter. I'm now interested in these 'Lions Sanguine' and i shouldn't be. What's the Geneseed?

 

A majority of the tract of space known as the Aetherius Stars had once been a fruitful section of the Imperium in the days of The Emperor, but after the Great Heresy, they had been lost to His light. Now they had become a breeding ground for enemies of the state that threatened to encroach towards worlds that had remained loyal. Immediately after the Wings had completed years of combat training and deemed a functional and sacred chapter, they were ordered to cleanse the Stars. Joined by a small number of Guard regiments the chapter left their final safe harbour and joined the Oloruna Campaign. Deeming their work holier than a mere Imperial campaign, the Wings christened their fight the Angelicus Crusade, the Crusade of Angels.

 

'functional and sacred' this doesn't sound right to me. Consider rewording. i don't think you need to include the translated name. It would look better on its own.

 

Their brutal surgical strikes made the Wings the catalyst for almost all of the victories of the Oloruna Campaign, allowing the Imperium to form a stable power base within the Aetherius Stars. As the Guard finished pacifying the worlds of the Olorun system and specialists brought in to structure the new lands, the Wings looked outwards into the Stars. Continuing their crusade, the chapter quickly brought a handful of systems to heel gaining a reputation as a valuable ally of the newly formed Olorun Subsector Command. Watching eyes hidden deep in the darkness had noticed the growing wealth and power of the Imperium in their lands; they gathered their forces to assault the gains of the Wings.

 

Ok. Good. The description your giving to the crusade works well. You're allowing us just fleeting descriptions which reads nicely.

 

The Ork Empire Shakgrot and the chaos war host of De’Kol formed an unholy alliance, urging each other into the guns of the Imperium. It was against these two foes that the Wings tasted their first defeats and heroic victories. The defence of three systems finally turned into a counter-assault across four, guardsmen advancing towards the banners of the chapter who had already found battle. With the enemy routed and forced to flee back into the darkness of the Aetherius Stars, the Wings had become the figurehead of the subsector, toasted across more than a dozen worlds and revered as demigods of the Emperor. The Shakgrot-De’Kol wars had only succeeded in cementing the bond between the chapter and their allies.

 

demigods? maybe a bit much.

 

Furthering their efforts, chasing the last remaining remnants of De’Kol's host, and the warlord himself who had managed to escape punishment, the Wings tore through a number of worlds that they believed to be hiding De'Kol. This onslaught by the chapter doubled the region requiring defence by the Imperium, surpassing the capabilities of the subsector forces. Command pleaded with the Wings to halt their expansion to allow a time of recuperation, stabilisation, and indoctrination of the new populations, but the Wings refused, for to not be fighting their crusade when they had the strength to do so would be a crime against His will.

 

I know by 'His' you mean 'the Emperors' but other people might not.

 

With each victory, the Wings erected statues to dedicate the land to those brothers who had lost their lives. They were finally forced to cease active operations when their recruitment rate could not sustain their combat loses, reduced to fewer than two hundred marines. Leaving the Aetherius Stars for the first time since entering them, the chapter abandoned the under-strength Guard regiments in the hands of the newly founded chapter; the Disciples of Man.

 

I like this. The Wings bieng forced to abandon the battlefield to a 'more able' ally gives a good touch. maybe you could build on the fact that they are unsatisfied with their lot.

 

For a century the Wings were absent from the Stars, vowing not to return until they could never cease in their duty. As a new influx of recruits swelled the ranks and trained rigorously across dozens of worlds, the two active battle companies fought a number of minor skirmishes outside of the Olorun subsector. Though they fought for a distant administration, interacted with its personnel within their newly forming subsectors, the Wings cared little for the internal politics and troubles that faced the Imperium. They became blinkered to the larger picture of their purpose, a blessing that allowed them unquestionable faith in the righteousness of their actions and a curse that left them unable to call up allies outside of their small portion of the Imperium.

 

A few grammatical mistakes. With every major post I make I copy it onto word to filter out the mistakes. You might want to do this.

 

Firmly believing that they had achieved optimum-fighting efficiency once again, the Wings returned to the Olorun subsector and the Aetherius Stars but found the situation much changed. Many of the worlds, which the chapter had shed blood for, had been lost to resurgent enemies, the Imperium forced to shorten its borders to be able to fully defend them. Outraged and hurt by the wasting of their lives, the chapter lost themselves in the history of the past one hundred years, desperate to find answers for their pain. They found such a thing in the Disciples of Man, those who had suggested the withdrawal from the most isolated planets to allow the Imperium to regroup and secure the ground it had managed to keep. The strategy had worked beautifully, the Disciples were able to push the enemy back and retake many of the lost planets more thoroughly than the Wings had ever managed. Nevertheless, in the eyes of the Wings, they had been cowards.

 

Again good. Building on their hate for another chapter gives them character.

 

The tactical sense of this move was lost on the Wings as many of their statues lay defaced, destroyed or in the hands of the enemy. These small effigies were more than mere vanity on behalf of the chapter, but a remembrance to those warriors who had given their lives. To see such fates fall upon them was a blow the Wings found hard to take. Their distaste for the Disciples was only worsened as they discovered that many recaptured worlds now praised the Disciples as their saviours. The Wings believed the young chapter were either unable to do His duty or deceitful, allowing planets to fall only to return them for their own glory. The Wings threw themselves into a series of brutal campaigns aimed at those lost worlds, a move which would only damage their reputation amongst the Commanders of the sub-sector.

 

'His' again. Making them 'bad' marines seems to be working.

 

It was during this period that the first of a number of extraordinary events occurred. On the small mining planet of Rhamiel, an enemy stronghold, which a Wings detachment had been unable to secure, suddenly fell in the middle of the night to an unknown force. Advancing on the now undefended fortress, the Wings discovered no trace of their unidentified ally bar a scattering of feathers. Believing the traitorous enemy to have summoned warp-beings that had then turned upon them, the detachment handed over command of the compound to the Imperial Guard.

 

The mystery air works as well. God I wish I could write as well as you.

 

The events upon Rhamiel were not isolated and over the following centuries a further seven cases were reported to the crusade high command. All followed the same pattern, the enemies of the Wings mysteriously slaughtered whilst no trace of their assailants remained. The reports each contained mention of feathers of daemonic origin and all concluded that their enemy had fallen to the Ruinous Powers that had been rife in the systems after the Heresy. Doubt had begun to fall upon these conclusions after thirty-third such case occurred.

 

33 is a lucky number for the wings isn't it? :lol:

 

The Culex Rebellion, a system wide rebellion that the Wings subjugated almost alone, saw four such instances occur alone causing much speculation from allied forces. During the rebellion, sensationalising of the daemonic forces spread and full reports into ruinous activity in the Aetherius Stars was drafted by a number of scholars. One, the Exspes Testimony, was a detailed commentary mainly of the early conflicts against the warlord De’Kol, but gained popularity by playing to the scaremongers over the controversy surrounding the Wings of Death. The authors of the Testimony were the first to openly state that no similar events had occurred to any Imperial army in the crusade bar the Wings; even to those forces deployed in the same battle theatre. Whilst it was never suggested that the Wings were involved with the daemonic allies, as the Testimony called them, it was heavy whisper in the text. Upon the publication of the report, such was the ruckus it caused, an external investigation into the chapter was ordered.

 

A case of repetition but otherwise good. The mystery deepens...

 

Chapter Master Adnachiel out right refused such an undignified intrusion of his chapter and vowed the Wings would declare their loyalty to The Emperor in battle. Forced to back down under the guns of the navy, Adnachiel allowed the investigation to proceed. Inquisitor Cethegus along with Veteran Sergeant Maerk, an Astartes representative of the Disciples of Man, and a force of nearly a hundred aides, headed the investigation. Whilst Cethegus and his team sieved through the vast Library of Angels aboard the Pride of the Emperor, Maerk accompanied a number of Wings deployments to report upon their battlefield activity.

 

It seems everyone wants the Inquisition as their enemy :D

 

Adnachiel was true to his word and although their loyalty was in question, the Wings were fierce in their pursuit of enemies, engaging in countless conflicts across many systems. Cethegus’ verdict, entitled the Perfidelis Report, concluded that the Wings of Death were indeed loyal to the Emperor and the daemonic events that had hounded them were merely unfortunate coincidences at best or a cunning strategy by the Ruinous Powers to disrupt the Imperium at worst. Though given a full pardon and an apology by all those involved in the accusations, the chapter never forgave those who had doubted them and further blamed the Disciples of Man for not supporting their brother chapter.

 

The further annoyance at the Disciples of Man is great!

good work with mistakes few and far between. Can't wait for the next update!

[Ferrus Manus]

as I realise that the task of reading five thousand plus words (and still growing) doesn't really appeal to everyone.

What else is there to do on a Sunday evening? :D

 

But seriously, at 1600 words this is one of the longest Origins in a while. Heck, some of the articles on the board are smaller than this. Note this is before I've read it, but I'm hoping for quantity and quality. (It was :lol: )

 

Anyways...

 

The Wings believed the young chapter were either unable to do His duty or deceitful,

Shouldn't it be 'and deceitful'?

 

Other than that I liked it. In a few places it reads a bit Mary Sue, however, if I remember rightly these guys turn on the Disciples and are forced out of the Imperium? In which case, I think it just makes their fall all the more bitter for the Imperium.

 

When's the rest going to be posted?

 

Iron Man Challenge: 7/20

Edited January 11, 2010 by Ferrus Manus

[Ferrata]

Ace and Tyrak, thanks for picking up on a few mistakes.

 

Solomon (or do you prefer de Gravier), this is written in Word already with grammar checking upped to the max, so if you can spot one please point it out. This needs to be perfect afterall :D The Wings suprisingly didn't hate the Inquisition, it is the Inquisitions job to ask questions. It is the Disciples they have the problem with (which is advanced upon in later sections). The name will not change, it is something I am attached to and has been around a long time. I agree, you do get a lot of Somethings of Something, but then again you get a lot of adjective noun or one words. I have changed the name of the parent chapter as all three names were blah of blah, and the Disciples are looking at a name change too. The gene-seed is covered in the later section, but I noted the parent chapter to explain why the Wings start out skewed towards combat, plus Lion is an animal associated with pride (pride hints are all through the article, many not that subtle).

 

Ferrus, the following two sections (Fall from Grace and From the Darkness) almost double the word count of the Origins section, and the latter hasn't really gotten into how the Wings are now. I know it is long, but it is easier to destroy than to build. As for that bit, I was meant to be implying that the Wings believe the Disciples are inadequete and failed to defend planets, or purposefully let planets fall to retake them for their glory (deceitful). The start of the paranoia begins :lol:. I do have the next section completed, but thought piecemeal would work best for most people. I'll wait for more comments, let some other chapters have a couple of days limelight, and then add the second part.

 

What else is there to do on a Sunday evening?

Dance around and sing the Bangers and Mash song?

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Ferrata, respect GAINED.

[Ferrata]

Added the second section of the IA entitled "The Fall From Grace". I've even gone as far as adding some nice extra juicy bits such as a sidebar painter image, headers and a banner. I haven't made any of the changes yet, seeing as none of them were major background changes more just little bits of wording (that can be done in one sweep later). Again, thanks for reading.

[Ferrus Manus]

Ok...

 

True to their word, their never ceased in their holy cause, even when they were reduced to fewer than two battle companies.

The governor of Puch had declared himself successor to the throne of De’Kol, and in doing so challenged the Imperium to sovereignty of the Aetherius Stars. Whilst the tactical squads of the Disciplines cleansed the fields and streets of frenzied cultists, it was the elite of the Wings of Death that assaulted the fortress of Puch.

Words in italics need capitals, being names or titles.

 

Otherwise good. Really good stuff.

 

Long live the Cult of Orange!

Edited January 13, 2010 by Ferrus Manus

[Ace Debonair]

I'm curious. Is this an entry into the Iron Gauntlet?

 

I've struggled to find faults and failed miserably, so right now I'm at a loss to say anything else, other than Good Stuff! :lol:

[Ferrata]

I'm curious. Is this an entry into the Iron Gauntlet?

Nope, I will be fleshing out the Disciples of Man for the Iron Gauntlet...whenever I get round to that.

 

I've struggled to find faults and failed miserably, so right now I'm at a loss to say anything else, other than Good Stuff

[creepy]Excellent [/creepy]

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Joined by a small number of Guard regiments the chapter left their final safe harbour and joined the Oloruna Campaign.

 

A very small point here, but IMO it's best if if you write it out in full as "Imperial Guard" the first time you use it. Basically it's the same deal as with using the "Navy" shorthand, it's just about clarifying who you're referring to.

[Ferrata]

Updated to include the final stage of their History. I am not sure if this section is too short, but it seems to appear that way on my screen. Although, the previous two parts are key to the chapter whilst this is more what is happening now.

 

Still doing it in piecemeal for uploads, I have most of the IA done now, just need fine tuning on some areas :tu:

[Heru]

Commenting soley on the last section:

1. You use the term "rip/ped the beating soul/heart" twice in the section, which is very obvious. The first time doesn't really make sense either (beating soul?).

 

2.

Unfortunately, this is a mere drop of desolation in the ocean of wrath that the chapter itself weighs upon the Imperium.

This line just seems incredibly cheesy to me. Might be the whole "of" thing you have going on.

 

3. The of thing in regards to names: Wings of Death, Disicples of Man, Martyrs of De'Kol and Prophets of Tze. It just seems like a massive "X of Y" overkill, especially when you talk about those who have been purged.

[Ferrata]

Points 1 and 2: Good catch on the double up - they even escape my purging at times (especially when the phone keeps ringing during readings)

 

Point 3: I am a fan of "of" names, more over than single word names and Adjective Noun names. It is my personal preference for naming chapters and forces. I find them more realistic naming ideas for forces, although I have changed the Lions of Veles name. I'll have a think of switching a couple of the others around.

[Heru]

I think it's just how similar the names Prophets of Tze and Martyrs of De'Kol are, and seeing the two of them side by side is what makes it so noticable. At least in that paragraph. Edited July 1, 2010 by Heru Talon

[Ferrata]

Fair enough, I'll come up with a new name for one of them. I might change the Disciples of Man name, it has never been perfect for me. However, I know "Of Death/Doom" names always sound a little cheesy, I've became attached to the Wings of Death now :)

[RagingGriffon]

I like the story, but it doesn't seem like the traditional LIber format (which I have been chastized on so many times in my Chaos IA's). So yeah, it is a geat story, but what about geneseed? What about Ynsoldea? Homeworld, etc.? Correct me if I am out of line here, though. Maybe I missed something.

[Ferrata]

I like the story, but it doesn't seem like the traditional LIber format (which I have been chastized on so many times in my Chaos IA's). So yeah, it is a geat story, but what about geneseed? What about Ynsoldea? Homeworld, etc.? Correct me if I am out of line here, though. Maybe I missed something.

They are to come. Basically, the IA is very long, almost as long as my Dornian Heresy White Scars article. Being over 5000 words is quite off-putting for a lot of readers, unless it has the momentum of the DH behind it, so I've been uploading it piecemeal. Next to come is the Belief section...

[RagingGriffon]

Roger. I was getting to think you were getting special Mod prvilleges :D

 

So, I take it they follow a minor Chaos entity? Also, the second to last paragraph felt... shoe horned. It just didn't seem to flow. You were talking about fighting the Imperium, fighting the Imperium, Fighting other Races, then back to the Imperium. Does that makes sense?

 

One last thing... Orange? My first thought is no good comic book character has ever been orange. Then I thought of Larfleeze in the Blackest Night saga in DC. He is the only cool one I can think of. You are on the right track, though, for being cool with orange. I look forward to this.

 

(also, I might expand on my IA now that Mod has a HUGE one)

Edited July 1, 2010 by RagingGriffon

[Ferrata]

So, I take it they follow a minor Chaos entity? Also, the second to last paragraph felt... shoe horned. It just didn't seem to flow. You were talking about fighting the Imperium, fighting the Imperium, Fighting other Races, then back to the Imperium. Does that makes sense?

I'll have to relook at the ending, check the flow of it.

 

One last thing... Orange? My first thought is no good comic book character has ever been orange. Then I thought of Larfleeze in the Blackest Night saga in DC. He is the only cool one I can think of. You are on the right track, though, for being cool with orange. I look forward to this.

This army, from its berth as the Ferrata Legion, through Cypher's Angels and Vulkan's Guard, and finally the Wings of Death have always been orange. There is a simple reason for this, there isn't an orange GW chapter :lol:

 

(also, I might expand on my IA now that Mod has a HUGE one)

Be careful what you say, that is how rumours start ;)

[Ferrus Manus]

It's good. No complaints with the storyline - though I'll give it another read tomorrow just to check ;)

 

But, 'Fortress-Monastery' 'Strike Cruiser' 'the Fleets' and 'the Chapter' need capitals, being names and all.

[Ferrata]

the Chapter needs to be done every time? Man, I am glad I am not an English teacher...

[Ferrus Manus]

I believe so, as when your talking about the Chapter, 'chapter' becomes a pronoun.

[Heru]

There is a simple reason for this, there isn't an orange GW chapter

:: Looks at the Knights of Gryphonne ::