IA: Archangels Chapter

[Octavulg]

Also, 'chapter fleet' should have capitals. NO IT SHOULDN'T - IT'S NOT POSSESSIVE.

 

First, learn to use quote tags like everyone else does.

 

Second: Chapter Fleet should be capitalized because it's a proper noun. At minimum, Chapter should be capitalized - Chapters are always proper nouns. It has nothing to do with possession.

[Maleagant]

Newly updated!!!

C&C welcome

Edited June 30, 2010 by Maleagant

[Octavulg]

The problem you've run into now is that the Chapter doesn't really have much in the way of character, and the character they do have isn't really tied to their history or their home world - you have a bunch of standalone sections which do not mesh into a whole. Indeed, those sections are often a little internally disjointed, as well - the Home World section is most notable for this.

 

A good IA focuses on exploring the Chapter and who they are, which at the moment you are failing to do. Your Chapter's major defining characteristic seems to be their arrogance and xenophobia - focus on exploring that. Explain how it came to be. Explain how it affects their relationship with other organizations, with their home world, with each other. Explain how it affects their tactics, their organization, their attitudes toward the world. Show us who the Archangels are. What it is that makes them different from so many other Chapters who lost their First Company, or who have a tribal home world.

 

The constant references to the Celts are both out of keeping with the 41st millenium (quick, name three Cro-Magnon tribes) and jarringly obvious. Subtlety's important with references.

 

This is a very short IA - 1800 words. And parts of that aren't even necessary - the geography of the world, or the sidebar with the assault squad. You have not even come close to fully exploring the Chapter here.

 

I guess my real advice here is that you need to figure out who the Chapter are, and then fully explore that, considering its implications fully. Then worry about adding color.

[WingsOfTheFalcon]

I'm working on a DA successor atm myself and I know they're fraught with fluff pitfalls. Reading this wiki on the Unforgiven really helped me. :tu:

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

Congratulations! You are the second IA I'm critiquing as part of my quest to critique the IAs posted yesterday.

 

The Archangels have a long and bloody history that is believed to date back to the Third Founding, though mysteriously, no official proof of their date of founding can be found. The earliest known reference to the chapter is in a Rogue Trader’s communiqué in 504 M.32 which mentions them being escorted to the Veiled Region by “a newly founded but formidable Chapter Fleet.” This puts the Archangels as possibly belonging to the Fourth Founding. Regardless, early chapter records are scarce as the Archangels suffered much destruction during their early history and most records of their origins are lost. From what has been recovered, it is known that by the time of the Age of Apostasy, the Archangels were no longer space-born Chapter.

 

I do not recommend unknown geneseed/Founding. At all. A Primarch, created to be like the Emperor, is much more awesome than a seven-letter word. Plus, it is very unlikely that your geneseed/Founding would be lost. Through logic, you can often narrow down the number of Founding chapters by quite a lot.

 

One of several progeny Chapters that come from the Dark Angels geneseed, the Archangels are every bit as loyal and faithful to the Imperial cause as their brother Dark Angels, though as one of ‘The Unforgiven’ they too bear the burden of hunting down and destroying the Fallen.

 

I thought we didn't know any thing about the Founding...

 

It is known amongst members of the Inner Circle of the Arch Angels, that the purpose of the Archangels’ creation was to pursue and eliminate a cadre of Fallen operating out of the Veiled Region in the Segmentum Tempestus and to pacify any systems which have fallen from the Emperor’s Light. Members of the Archangels’ Inner Circle are the only ones in the Chapter who know of Luther’s betrayal and of the hunt for The Fallen.

 

See the above.

 

The Archangels’ Strike Cruisers Angelic and Legatus bombarded the coordinates of the energy source below with their massive gun batteries while simultaneously launching an enormous drop-pod assault on both the Capital and the now-smoking wreckage of the xeno-complex. After several hours of fighting, the capital was recaptured with the aid of loyal Gaul Secundus PDF while those few surviving traitors from the xeno-complex were quickly interrogated and dispatched. The only clue as to who was behind the ambush and the activation of the ancient weapon was a name – Agraxtes, one of The Fallen.

 

Why didn't the Xenos thing zap these ships, too?

 

Though the xeno-weapon was obliterated, Adeptus Mechanicus investigators examined every inch of the newly discovered complex. Techmarines and repair crews combed over the wreckage of the Indefatigable, the bulk of the ship resting in the Plains of Ashkaur.

 

If it broke up in orbit, it'll stay in orbit for quite a while, little pieces burning up as the orbit slowly decays.

 

Reeling from the tragic loss of the Archangels’ flagship and leadership, the surviving members of the Archangel’s Inner Circle vowed to take Gaul Secundus as their Chapter Homeworld and pledged to turn the remains of the Indefatigable into their Fortress-Monastery. The neighboring systems would become the recruiting grounds to replenish their depleted brethren and materials. The struggle of overcoming their massive losses and of having to forge and defend their new home deep in the Reductus Sector from marauding Orks, Dark Eldar, Chaos incursions and worse for millennia, has had a profound impact on the Archangel’s brethren and created a near puritanical zeal within the psyches of Archangels marines, but whether this is due to a zygote deficiency or something else is uncertain. Swearing Blood-oaths, the Archangels also vowed to hunt down the accursed Agraxtes and his cadre of Fallen – a hunt which continues to this very day.

 

You don't mean to say they put their entire leadership aboard one vessel in little-known enemy territory. Marines aren't stupid.

 

They haven't found Agraxtes in ten thousand years?!

 

 

 

The Archangel’s Fortress-Monastery, “Fortis-Angelius,” was once the remains of the Indefatigable which crashed down in the Plains of Ashkaur yet remained amazingly intact. The mountains (Angelius Mons) surrounding the plains are nearly unscaleable granite monsters which extend nearly all the way through Gaul’s atmosphere. The citadel walls surrounding Fortis-Angelius are equally impressive with its 10 meter thick adamantium walls and bristling defense weapons and void shield generators.

 

As above, it would take a while for it to fall out of orbit, with much of it breaking up, burning up, or being smashed to smithereens upon re-entry.

 

Because of the large realm of space the Archangels must patrol, the Archangels rarely unite as a complete Chapter but have their forces spread throughout the Segmentum. The Archangels follow the tenets of the Codex Astartes in so far as their obligations allow. This is apparent in the Chapter’s organization which, like most chapters has their veteran 1^st company and their 10^th company reserved for scouts, but it is in the rest of the companies where the deviation lies. All of the Archangels remaining companies are organized as battle companies. Furthermore, unlike their Primogenitor Dark Angels, the Archangels have no dedicated bike company like the fabled Raven’s Wing. This change in Codex formation is necessary because the Chapter rarely stays on their home-world. The Battle Barges and Strike Cruisers are in constant crusade mode throughout the Reductus sector and beyond so having 8 battle companies makes for more self-sufficient fighting units.

 

If they follow the codex, why would they have more than four battle companies?

 

Finally, in commemoration of the Chapter’s lost 1st company millennia ago, all of the Archangels helmets are painted white, with only the knee pad coloring and number denoting to which company a battle brother belongs. The Archangels have a long and proud tradition of volunteering marines to serve as members of the Deathwatch. Those battle brothers so honored with serving with the Deathwatch are allowed to retain their silver Ordo Xenos shoulder pauldron and vambrace in recognition of their service.

 

How do you tell whether they're veterans or not?

 

The Archangels harbor an almost fanatical zeal against mutants, xenos and ab-humans and will resolutely refuse to fight alongside or ally themselves with such. On more than one occasion, this fanaticism turned violent when Archangels exterminated loyal Imperial ogryns or ratlings serving in war zones where the Archangels were called in. It is however, this same zeal which forces Archangels to persevere in battlefields where all seems lost. Archangels have never fled a warzone, once committed, to pursue hunting The Fallen – though the hunt for The Fallen is of utmost importance, it does not override the Archangels zealous dedication to preserving faithful Imperial citizens.

 

What if it's Agraxtes?

 

 

Finally, you haven't really told us who your chapter is, what they're like, or what they have in terms of personality.

Edited January 20, 2011 by Chapter Master Ignis Domus

[SonofTerra]

First off, really like the color scheme you have going, but if everyone has white helmets, how is veteran status notated? A stripe down the center of the helmet or even the wreaths on the side could work well for that.

 

My major concern after reading the IA is the same as other have stated, I don't get a real sense of who these marines are. You say that they have a superiority complex. This to me seems like it could have some interesting effects on their character and how they act, not just to the populace or other Chapters but with the Archangels Chapter itself. Maybe they have annual competitions to determine who really is the best at (insert skill here) or constantly has them entering exceptionally dangerous situations that other Chapters may try to avoid.

 

I think what you have is a very solid base though. Keep it up ;)

[Philip S]

I've added the Archangels to the 1,000 Chapter project. I took the liberty of adding the chapter symbol to the shoulder;

]

:lol:

Philip

[Maleagant]

I've added the Archangels to the 1,000 Chapter project. I took the liberty of adding the chapter symbol to the shoulder;

]

:)

Philip

Thank you Philip S!!

Both for adding my chapter to the project and for inserting the Chapter Insignia on the shoulder!! Looks Great!

[Maleagant]

OK...after a several year hiatus, I have radically updated my IA entry for 8th Edition. Helpful critiques appreciated!

[Minigiant]

OK...after a several year hiatus, I have radically updated my IA entry for 8th Edition. Helpful critiques appreciated!

 

Looks promising, nothing stands out as needing fixing. It is pretty light, and you can expand on every section.

 

So they found a planet to recruit from, what was it like?, how did that influence the chapter? Now it is destroyed, how do they recruit? How is that affecting the chapter? Low on numbers or identity conflict between new and old recruits.

 

Massive fleet, does each company operate with a degree of autonomy?

 

I would like to see some of those sections expanded upon

[Maleagant]

 

OK...after a several year hiatus, I have radically updated my IA entry for 8th Edition. Helpful critiques appreciated!

 

Looks promising, nothing stands out as needing fixing. It is pretty light, and you can expand on every section.

 

So they found a planet to recruit from, what was it like?, how did that influence the chapter? Now it is destroyed, how do they recruit? How is that affecting the chapter? Low on numbers or identity conflict between new and old recruits.

 

Massive fleet, does each company operate with a degree of autonomy?

 

I would like to see some of those sections expanded upon

 

 

Thanks Minigiant!

 

I agree with you that it all needs filling out. Compared to what I had years ago...this new version is quite slim.

I love all of your points and I'll get to work on your ideas! Thanks for the tips!

[Maleagant]

Updated again with loads of new and revised information and backstory.

Background about their former homeworld and beliefs, recruiting issues and such.

As always, helpful C&C welcome!

 

Thanks to Minigiant for the help!

[Minigiant]

Updated again with loads of new and revised information and backstory.

Background about their former homeworld and beliefs, recruiting issues and such.

As always, helpful C&C welcome!

 

Thanks to Minigiant for the help!

 

May I suggest when you update the OP, you share that specific content in your post. That way people dont need to look through everything to find what you changed/added.

 

I will look at it a bit later

[Maleagant]

 

Updated again with loads of new and revised information and backstory.

Background about their former homeworld and beliefs, recruiting issues and such.

As always, helpful C&C welcome!

 

Thanks to Minigiant for the help!

 

May I suggest when you update the OP, you share that specific content in your post. That way people dont need to look through everything to find what you changed/added.

 

I will look at it a bit later

 

Sure, but to be honest, I actually updated a little bit of everything and added a bunch of new stuff as well.

[Minigiant]

Unofficially, as one of “The Unforgiven” Dark Angels successors, the Archangels were created to pursue a cadre of Fallen operating out of the Veiled Region deep within the Segmentum Pacificus and to pacify systems which have turned from the Emperor’s Light.

 

 

This has me asking questions, though I think it is more a clarity thing than anything else.

 

I read it as the Unforgiven using their political sway to engineer and new chapter to do their bidding. If so, this is worrying. Very few have that much influence in the High Lords of Terra to found a chapter for them.

 

If I am following the intention, I would probably frame it as the Dark Angels Captain assigned to being the first Chapter Master, was informed by his hierarchy that his task is to set his chapter upon chasing down such and such and purge X, Y, Z

 

For Combat Doctrine, maybe my IA: Denizens of the Deep can help you expand that. It is not identical but has aspects you can utilise

[Maleagant]

Major overhaul to the Origins and Combat Doctrine sections. 

Added quite a bit to Beliefs section as well.

Cleaned up and added to nearly everything else too...due to discrepancies found between online Lexicanium entries and comparing locations to the new Cicatrix Maledictum map of the Galaxy.

Did you know...The Veiled Region is no longer in the Segmentum Pacificus? It has been ret-conned/relocated to Segmentum Tempestus!

[Minigiant]

Looks good, I assume they have openly welcomed their Primaris marine brothers. As the reinforcements are necessary

[Maleagant]

Looks good, I assume they have openly welcomed their Primaris marine brothers. As the reinforcements are necessary

Yes,

however, there is this blurb which I have in the BELIEFS section:

 

The Inner Circle of the Archangels is grappling with the notion of allowing Primaris officers, whose gene-stock was created/manipulated on Mars, into their Inner Circle. This mistrust is not the same as that that exists between Techmarines, who are trained on Mars, and thus are prohibited from ever being allowed within the Inner Circle. With Primaris officers, they are created and trained by Archangels, as Archangels. They are not sent to Mars. The indoctrination is the same as with all other Archangels - so at the moment, there is no reason for the Archangels' Inner Circle to prohibit an officer of sufficient rank from being allowed in.

[Minigiant]

 

Looks good, I assume they have openly welcomed their Primaris marine brothers. As the reinforcements are necessary

Yes,

however, there is this blurb which I have in the BELIEFS section:

 

The Inner Circle of the Archangels is grappling with the notion of allowing Primaris officers, whose gene-stock was created/manipulated on Mars, into their Inner Circle. This mistrust is not the same as that that exists between Techmarines, who are trained on Mars, and thus are prohibited from ever being allowed within the Inner Circle. With Primaris officers, they are created and trained by Archangels, as Archangels. They are not sent to Mars. The indoctrination is the same as with all other Archangels - so at the moment, there is no reason for the Archangels' Inner Circle to prohibit an officer of sufficient rank from being allowed in.

 

 

Okay cool, small oversight. A lot of reading at the moment

[Maleagant]

Updated the Geneseed section a bit.

[Commissar Molotov]

Hi Maleagant,

 

Thank you for sharing your ideas and continuing to work on such a long-term project. The Archangels clearly mean a lot to you! It's also rather a treat to look back over your thread and see the likes of Octavulg, Ferrata and Ferrus Manus providing you with assistance.

 

As I read your Chapter, I was struck by the reasons (both overt and covert) for their Founding. It makes sense that after the terrible damage caused by the Beast that Chapters would be founded to restore the Imperium's might and to strike a blow against the xenos. It's a propaganda exercise if nothing else, and it makes sense that such a Chapter might have such a grandiose name as 'The Archangels'. It perhaps sets up an interesting dichotomy between the noble facade they present to the wider Imperium as a whole and the grim resolve they bear for the Fallen.

 

I'm not sold, however, on the fact that the Chapter was founded to fight a specific, small group of the Fallen. It makes total sense to me that some of the Fallen might try to hide from Imperial justice at the very edges of the galaxy. But why wouldn't (or couldn't) the Dark Angels Chapter itself do it? Why found a new Chapter for such a small job? On top of that, you then mention that the Chapter completed its 'real mission' completely and utterly successfully - so they are no purposeless.

 

So what drives this Chapter? Once the Fallen get wind of the fact that the Archangels have set up in this tract of space they won't be coming round, so what is the point?

 

For me, it's somewhat coincidental that the Chapter is called the 'Archangels' and the sector they defend is called 'Angelius' - I think something could be done in order to make that more interesting. Personally, crashed Battle Barges are a bit of a cliché and I think that you could easily achieve the same thing by having the vessel crippled in space rather than on the surface of a planet. Beyond that, however, I would say that you need to integrate the events of the Cicatrix Maledictum far closer - you need to look at what such a seismic change has inflicted on the Chapter. Think of the Scythes of the Emperor or the Crimson Fists. At the moment, your Chapter doesn't seem bothered in the Homeworld section - or are you using that to show how cold-hearted and focused the successors of the Dark Angels are? In a sort of 'nothing can compare to the loss of Caliban' sense? It would be interesting to see how the events of the Gathering Storm have sort of 'ripped the mask off' the Chapter and forced them to shed their noble image. (From a scientific point of view I'm really unsure about the loss of a neighbouring system light years away having an impact in the way you described. Perhaps you want to think about how the warp-rifts tear through your Chapter's domains, destroying what they have achieved?)

Edited October 3, 2017 by Commissar Molotov