IA: Defiant Sons

[Odsox]

As the sub-title states, this IA is currently in the workshop for repairs and refitting.

 

Mods: If necessary, please lock this thread.

 

Thank you for your time. :)

 

Od.

[Solomon de Gravier]

To display their ancestry the Defiant Sons’ gauntlets are often painted a familiar silver.

 

hmm. Silver gauntlets? remind you of any Liber challenge?

 

The skull that has replaced the original fist emblem of the Chapter was added at the decree of Chapter Master Dannen after the Prades War, to remind the Sons that death is inevitable and plentiful throughout the universe, and to commemorate the grievous losses of the Chapter so that the sacrifices of their fallen heroes might never be forgotten.

 

Interesting. I have never thought of the symbol of a marines chapter as that important but I can see the work you've done for even the tiny details. Good work!

 

Brothers of the Chapter do, however, show an uncanny grasp of technology and often work closely with the Adeptus Mechanicus who formed a pact with the Chapter after the Prades War, consequently supplying the Sons with war machines to better defend their system, and even aided in the restoration and outfitting of the ancient battle barge Indomitable Spirit.

 

no offence, but the amount of chapters (including my own :) ) that have an uncanny amount of war machines I see...

 

Dagon Lunarian was the Chapter's 3rd Chief Librarian and is still considered the most potent among the Chapter's records, despite his death millenia ago during the Scouring of Shiwoh. Lunarian often spoke of the traitorous nature of the Eldar and his book, Xenos Traitoris, is highly recommended reading material for all the Chapter's recruits.

 

Who does he publish through? Because I was thinking of writing a book and I really need contacts :lol:

 

He is aided in this task by the Precursors; honoured and trusted warriors who are traditionally the oldest serving members of the Chapter, with notable exceptions. These marines are part of the Precursor Council, a select circle chosen personally by the Chapter Master to advise him in matters of war.

 

Nice idea *writes a side note in his own IA about a Mousecursor council. After all, Precursor would be copyright ;) *

 

The 1st Company are veterans of a thousand battles and they have not deployed as a whole since the events of 850.M40, when nearly three-quarters of their number were cut down by traitorous Eldar Fire Dragons. Chapter Master Morn is a charismatic leader whose centuries of experience have proven invaluable and the sight of him orchestrating a battle from the turret of his command Land Raider, the mighty Will of The Ancestors, is a stirring sight indeed.

 

How can you have traitor fire dragons? Nice touch with the company having a nickname.

 

The only Company to be led by a dreadnought, the 2nd has been the source of some of the Chapter’s greatest heroes and Exemplars, including Kastor Morn's brother, Chapter Master Raius Morn. The 2nd has distinguished itself in battle time and time again, eager to honour their venerable leader, who looks on his warriors with an almost patriarchal attitude. During the Great Hunt of 302.M41, elements of the 2nd were tasked to secure an Eldar-infested munitorum on planet Hekla, a task which, while successful, ended with Precursor Morn struck down by a cowardly Eldar sniper and placed within his sarcophagus.

 

Wait a second. How can Raius be both part of the 1st company and 2nd company?

 

Wielding the dual roles of Chief Librarian and Master of the Archive, Precursor Lunarian commands the reserves of the 5th Company, who stand ever-ready to defend the worlds of the Prades Belt. His psychic abilities are much-lauded among the Chapter's oldest members, though he strives to escape the shadow of his legendary forerunner; it was Hargon's ancestor Dagon who first communicated with the Eldar xenos during the Prades War and killed Farseer Aeron after his betrayal beneath the ruins of Sigma Primaris.

 

I got confused half way through this paragraph.

 

The majority of warriors in the 6th Company excel at close combat and harassment.

 

"Hey you! Come over here and I'll punch your face in!" "I want my mum!" kind of harrassment?

 

 

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264074343001531800.jpg

 

How did you get the kool picture?

 

That's all the critism I can give at the moment. Good work!

[Codex Grey]

Unlike the Iron Hands, they do not display any overt preference toward bionic augmentation nor a hard-line hatred of weakness, for there are many servants of the Emperor and the Sons recognise that they cannot all be as fearless as the Astartes.

These are some very uncharacteristically Iron Hands things you have here, things that really needs to be explained. The hatred of weakness is one of the main things that make Iron Hands the way they are, and the IH IA even says that it may genetic (and when GW says something 'may be', it probably is).

I think the Sons could be all that you've made them to be without the IH gene-seed. Their ties to the Ad Mech and love for the mechanical are things you've already explained due to events in their history.

I must admit, it was a bit confusing to read about references to a battle you haven't detailed yet, so I think you should have focused on getting the Origins part ready first.

 

On the whole I think there are some good parts, and I appreciate all the work you have obviously done with this article. But I do feel that it is unnecessary detailed in places, especially in homeworld, where you should try to keep everything not directly relating to the Chapter to a minimum. Other places like the Organization, the overview of the companies is too detailed, and the battle-cry section could probably be shortened. By tightening these sections up you also reduce the length of the article, which is just too long (and you haven't added the Origins yet).

 

So my tips would be to cut down on the details and focus on what makes your Chapter stand out, and get this across to the reader. Keep going!

 

At the Spire's highest point lies the Defiant Flame

Hmm, this sound familiar... ;) (If you don't know what I'm talking about, ignore this)

[recon0321]

wow i think this is over the top great could you maybe go in to more detail about their armor as far as colors i think that its a great look..so if you could more detailed as far as colors since the picture is pretty small..also how else do the company's distinguish themselves as far as colors?? any help would be greatly appriciated

[Lt. Smash]

Two things your chapter master are dropping like flies if your Sworn Enemies Section.

And most space marine chapters have made a lot more sworn enemies. Other than those what you've done is great.

[Odsox]

Okay, forgive my answering these in a bundle, won't you?

 

Solomon:

hmm. Silver gauntlets? remind you of any Liber challenge?

 

I suppose, but I started this before the Gauntlet was thrown down and I won't be entering them into it - it's fairly obvious they aren't ready and there are some excellent entries already.

 

no offence, but the amount of chapters (including my own ) that have an uncanny amount of war machines I see...

 

I like tanks. That is all. :P

 

How can you have traitor fire dragons?

 

Here's where things start collapsing. My Origins story explains this and a bunch of other points, but it was originally like three sides of A4, so I'm currently trying to trim it down to a sensible length. It explains a brief alliance between Eldar and Astartes which gets broken by the filthy pointy-heads.

 

Wait a second. How can Raius be both part of the 1st company and 2nd company?

 

He was part of the 2nd Company and raised to Chapter Master and de facto Captain of the 1st Company. Again, I'm really starting to wish I'd posted the Origins, even if it is totally unfinished and full of gaping holes.

 

"Hey you! Come over here and I'll punch your face in!" "I want my mum!" kind of harrassment?

 

Should have said "hit-and-run" tactics, shouldn't I?

 

How did you get the kool picture?

 

Google imagesearch, about two hours using the Gimp and a lot of patience.

 

Codex Grey: I appreciate your critique - I agree that trimming it down further is going to be necessary, especially considering I've yet to add the Origins section. The Organization section originally described all ten Companies - You can probably tell by now that I'm kicking myself for not throwing the Origins up there, but considering how many IAs are made with ten sections of ((WIP)) and seven lines of text, I thought I'd be a little bit safer posting mine now.

 

Mistake.

 

Anyway. As for the non-IH character and attitude that the Chapter possesses, I would point out that the Mortifactors, an Ultramarines successor, engage in blood-drinking rituals that would be considered vile or even heretical by many more puritan Chapters (guess who recently finished the Ultramarines Omnibus). As far as I can see from the myriad IAs here and the many Chapters already fleshed out by GW themselves, one's gene-seed does not necessarily dictate one's character.

 

I could just about bear trimming the Homeworld section down to the description of Sigma XVII, do you think I could exchange the paragraphs regarding the other Prades worlds for a short one detailing the Spire some more?

 

I'll happily cut the Battlecry section down, but I'm keeping that one verse from the Liber Contemptio, it took me ages to come up with something suitably quotable.

 

recon0321: Thanks buddy, I've put a lot of love into making this Chapter. Just started the hobby properly with a purchase of Assault On BLack Reach, Command Squad, Drop Pod and a Land Raider Redeemer/Crusader, and I decided I wanted my own Chapter rather than one that's already well-established. I'm a devil for customisation. As for the colour schemes, I'd like to expand on them but the article's too detailed as it is. Maybe once I've completed a few models I'll experiment with one of the other Battle Companies or Reserves and post some WIPs in another forum. Thanks again!

 

Lt. Smash: The CM situation is further explained in the Origins (which is far from complete or satisfactory to me, so it'll just look like a total mess to others), but consider this: Commander Dante is what, 1300 years old? Something like that? He hasn't been the Chapter Master since the golden boy (Sanguinius) got his perfect teeth kicked in. The Blood Angels, as well as the other Chapters, have had other leaders, so there's no doubt they've gone through a few in ten thousand years. All I've done is written about mine. :P

 

On the subject of the Sworn enemies section, that little box is a showcase of their most hated foes. I could change the title to Arch-Enemies, but then I'd probably get people telling me that Arch-Enemies implies Chaos and that I should change it.

 

Came across a bit aggressive there, didn't I? I apologise, I started work early and only just opened my can of Relentless for breakfast.

 

CONCLUSION:

 

+ I should post my Origin section, even though I feel it's completely unfinished and nowhere near a satisfactory level.

 

+ I should trim down certain sections in an effort to keep the article focused on the Chapter itself, and because it's a long read as it stands.

 

Right then, thanks for your input so far brothers. Hopefully I'll be able to update this at some point today.

 

Cheers!

 

:)

[Codex Grey]

Just to clear up what I mean

As for the non-IH character and attitude that the Chapter possesses, I would point out that the Mortifactors, an Ultramarines successor, engage in blood-drinking rituals that would be considered vile or even heretical by many more puritan Chapters (guess who recently finished the Ultramarines Omnibus). As far as I can see from the myriad IAs here and the many Chapters already fleshed out by GW themselves, one's gene-seed does not necessarily dictate one's character.

You're absolutely correct, and you've actually explained one of the reasons why I urge people to stick with Ultra Gene-seed if they are unsure of what to choose. Because you have so much room to play with, and none of the genetic burdens of other Chapters to worry about. For example, the Ultramarines aren't genetically fond of being 'Codex', the Mortificators are a perfect example of this. The Iron Hands however (and by extension their successors) are strongly hinted at having a genetically rooted 'fear' of weakness.

But my point is not that you can't have an IH successors without the same beliefs as its parent (on the contrary, I encourage it), but that it requires an explanation. And by creating an explanation the Chapter becomes more interesting and more believable within the 40k universe. At least in my opinion.

If you can do this, than great. But I don't see a reason for making an IH successor if your not going to use/play with Ferrus Manus' legacy.

 

About the Homeworld section, I would rather just cut down the detail on the other Prades Worlds as much as you can, instead of cutting it out completely.

[Ace Debonair]

I don't see the point in the arch-enemies section at all.

 

It comes across in the IA that you fight a lot of different foes, all space marines generally do.

Listing them just seems... pointless.

 

I'd also consider changing the name of the Spire of Arrogance. Perhaps the Spire of Honour or Spire of Defiance, or something more like that.

Arrogance, to me, means talking a good fight rather than backing it up - is that really what you want associated with your chapter?

 

All this has led to the Sons being a considerate and slow-to-anger Chapter of the Astartes who often refer to precedent in matters of judgement.

 

A chapter called the Defiant Sons who refer to precedent and are slow to anger? Doesn't this sound like the exact behaviour you wouldn't associate with the name?

 

And yes, the quicker the origins shows it's face the better. ^_^

 

 

Right, apologies if any of that seems a bit harsh.

Other than that, this isn't too shabby. ;)

I really don't see why this isn't in the Iron Gauntlet. You've even got the models by your own admission, something that I haven't got around to getting, and might not be able to. Go for it! ;)

[Odsox]

Lunch break, time to check the IA. ...aha.

 

Codex Grey: I see what you mean. Well, without going into the myriad and irrational details, I just didn't want to use any of the other Primarchs' gene-seed for this army. Plus, Ferrus Manus is one of the most awesome Primarchs on the roster and he left a heck of a legacy with the Iron Hands. I wanted a piece of that.

 

Priority is now on completing my Origins section to a postable WIP level.

 

Ace:

I don't see the point in the arch-enemies section at all.

 

It comes across in the IA that you fight a lot of different foes, all space marines generally do.

Listing them just seems... pointless.

 

Looks good though, doesn't it? It's there purely to fluff the Chapter up a bit more. I love my Chapter and their enemies (which are all armies I've got in mind for when the DS are completed). If I get a bunch of similar complaints I'll get shot of it. :whistling:

 

I wanted to name the Spire the Defiant Spire, but the name doesn't sit right with me and I've used the word way too much in the IA already. Plus, in my mind (the section where phrases like 'floppy disk' are still funny) I like to think of the Arrogant Spire as a great big middle finger aimed at the enemies of mankind. A kind of 'They tried to destroy the Chapter, but by the Throne we're still and we ain't going anywhere soon!' sort of symbol, if you'll allow that cheap analogy. :)

 

As to their nominally slow-to-anger demeanour, this is something drilled into them since the end of the Prades War, but several marines exhibit a more fiery temperament, which I thought I summed up in the sentence following the one you quoted,

 

This temperate attitude does not take root in all of the Sons, however. Many openly display the stubbornness which gives them their name: a particularly heated debate of the Precursor Council was once referred to as ‘two parts history lesson, one part bloodsport’, after the outcome resulted in an honour duel.

 

Hope that alleviates your collective concerns a wee bit, I'm going to get back to chopping up my Origins and trimming down the IA. Phwoo!

 

Odsox.

[Ace Debonair]

I think with regards to a chapter called the Defiant Sons, I'd be inclined to scrap any 'temperate attitude' in them.

 

Being humble + flipping off the whole galaxy = conflict of interests, possibly schizophrenic marines.

I say pick one or the other and run with it - it'll be easier to write and be a better IA in the long run.

 

"Spire of Audacity" or "Spire of Courage" could also work better as names for the fortress monastery. ;)

[Odsox]

Righty-ho, that's edit #1 finished. Forgive the over-elaborate origin story (that's not even the complete version! :)).

 

Ready for critique and comments whenever you are, faithful B&Cers!

 

Od.

[Allfather1]

~Venerable Precursor Kastor Morn~

 

One of the oldest dreadnoughts in the Chapter's possession and blood-brother of the current Chapter Master

The current incumbent, Raius Morn, has over four hundred years of battle and experience behind him

 

I think you should look at this again. I could be that I misunderstood but do you mean that Kastor is the brother of Raius. If so then it looks like one of your oldest dreadnought is only about 400 years old. This seems a little young to me, seeing that the chapter was founded in M37.

[StratoKhan]

Not bad. Seems like the formatting is pretty accomplished and your spelling and grammar are certainly satisfactory. One thing regarding the artwork on top - I realise that you have modified it a little bit, but it still looks almost exactly like the original. I think the best thing to do would be to ask the author for permission to use his artwork in this way. I think that I'd be a bit put out if people started using my artwork like that. Just a thought.

 

Some more considerations:

 

unpredictable but brilliant strategist

 

If I have too be extremely picky I'd say that a predictable strategist would be anything but brilliant, so the 'but' is probably not necessary.

 

Since their inception, the Defiant Sons have had an unshakeable faith in their Chapter Master, trusting to his judgement and wisdom and in the strength of history, as is their way. He is the Chapter’s finest strategist, leader and inspiration, and usually the most experienced member of the Chapter. The current incumbent, Raius Morn, has over four hundred years of battle and experience behind him, and is driven to lead the Sons to glory.

 

This is like any other Space Marine Chapter Master. Nothing remarkable added here, and so it's probably not necessary mention this explicitly. It is implicit that your Chapter Master be all these things! In fact it feels like reading the Space Marine Codex entry for Chapter Masters, which doesn't add any character to your IA. So you can happily cut that part and add something else. The Precursor Council sounds interesting though.

 

To recount the feats of each Company would take a millenium.

 

Exactly a millenium? As a figure of speech to explain that each Company has a distinguished record, it makes sense. But the wording sounds a bit off. I would just rewrite this and omit the specific term millenium, finding a fancy way to saying 'a long time', or 'really long'.

 

The better part of two Companies attend the Spire of Arrogance at all times, providing a constant vigil against the dangers which threaten their star system and forming task forces which take part in training the Imperial Guard regiments of the Prades Belt, as well as visiting Forge World Obeisance to receive minor Techmarine training and conducting recruitment rituals on Sigma, Aleph and Carusca.

 

Training Imperial Guardsmen is a bit unusual. In articles on the Horus Heresy it remarks how Space Marine-led Imperial Army units were not actually as efficient as one might think due to the unrealistic expectations the superhuman officers held of their men. Presumably this would be much the same when it came to training. It might be best to leave the training to competent humans that have human expectations. It would seem like Marines would be best employed elsewhere, considering their value. Why are there two Companies at the Spire at all times? You don't explain why this is necessary.

 

To the far north of the Segmentum Obscurus, on the very edge of Imperial space, lies a secluded set of worlds – the Prades Belt. The system has had its fair share of wars, encounters and alien incursions, though none to rival the Ork invasion of 850.M40.

 

You mention the Ork invasion here, and imply that it is the most serious invasion Yet you never explain exactly what happened.

 

You then mention:

 

At the centre of this vast desolation lies the Spire of Arrogance, a gigantic mountain fortress restored from the ruins of the Imperial city of Sigma Primaris, which was destroyed during the final phase of the Prades War. It was here that the Defiant Sons made their last stand in the face of overwhelming odds and xenos betrayal alongside the loyal troops of the Sigmarite Hammers.

 

What is the Prades War? Was that the Ork invasion? I'm pretty sureit was since you give the invasion date as 850.M40, and earlier state: "The Defiant Sons' greatest victory, as well as their greatest loss, occurred in 850.M40; a system-wide campaign referred to as the Prades War." It's kind of something you don't explicitly tell the reader. Similarly, what xenos betrayal are you referring to? There's a floating box that is titled Remember Prades but it's not enough to clearly explain what the Prades War was. It's like an entire chunk of your IA is missing. It's important to make everything as clear as possible.

 

The Sussurae Eldar

 

Not totally a fan of this name for an Eldar Craftworld, it is in Latin and that is usually reserved for Imperial names and titles. Eldar names seem to have a different feel to them. Maybe you could mess around with the name and make it more Eldar-like. But if you really like it then that's fine.

 

Codex Grey - I don't think that when GW use 'maybe' it means 'it is'. Otherwise why use 'maybe' at all? It makes no sense. The uncertainty is to allow people to go one of either way with the conclusion. It is a vehicle for creativity and personal imterpretation of the background. If everything was clear cut then 40k would be more boring. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that in some IH successors there won't be any genetically inherited predilection for the replacement of flesh with machinery. Especially as it seems there is no conclusive evidence either way.

[Codex Grey]

Codex Grey - I don't think that when GW use 'maybe' it means 'it is'. Otherwise why use 'maybe' at all? It makes no sense. The uncertainty is to allow people to go one of either way with the conclusion. It is a vehicle for creativity and personal imterpretation of the background. If everything was clear cut then 40k would be more boring. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that in some IH successors there won't be any genetically inherited predilection for the replacement of flesh with machinery. Especially as it seems there is no conclusive evidence either way.

I stand corrected. I don't disagree with you, but still feel that it's a bit unnecessary to choose any gene-seed other than Ultramarines, if your not going to play with things that a certain gene-seed brings with it, which is the point I was trying to make all along.

But I won't fill up any more space in this thread with my ramblings :P

[Odsox]

Allfather: Thanks for that, I knew I'd made a balls-up of the numbers somewhere! I've changed that to something less precise. Let me know if that works for you.

 

StratoKhan: I appreciate your critique! I've made a few tiny changes to the IA which I should have made earlier. I've switched Imperial guard for PDF, which makes much more sense, especially considering the Ultramarines have a similar set up.

 

Actually, considering how little I wanted to copy them, I've ended up using quite a few UM ideas.

 

Anyway, main point: The unfinished Origins section. I had it planned out and completed, but it was something like ten paragraphs of in-depth blow-by-blow action which I've had to seriously rethink. As it stands it's currently chock-full of contradictions and over-written fighting, so I'm trying to slim the whole Prades War down into three paragraphs. I appreciate that it's the most glaringly obvious thing missing from the IA, especially as so much of it ties into the War, but I'm really, really not happy with it. It's a mess. If the changes up to this point are met with approval, I'll make finishing the Prades War section my priority.

 

I've also altered the sections of text you highlighted (and deleted some stuff entirely); hopefully they'll be a little easier to swallow now. I've decided to keep the Spire attended by the better part of a single company - should I mention the usual Fortress population of serfs and the like just in case?

 

I've switched out 'millenium' for 'lifetime' too. That's a little less ambitious. :P

 

As for the picture, I double-checked the original (there's also a link to that in the picture itself now - I may have to check the posting rules for legality on that) and he's mentioned that it's up there for anyone to colour in as they wish, but I'll send the artist a request anyhow just to be safe.

 

+++

 

Thanks for your help guys, let me know if the changes are okay. I'm going to continue working on the Prades War section of my Origins tomorrow when I have time.

 

Od.

[Marshal Rohr]

Have you considered the acceptance of weakness as a doctrinal policy? It remains there but unacted upon. Maybe it is recessive in your Chapter, something they are 'defiantly' proud of B) .

[Odsox]

Right, updated with a preliminary draft of most of The Prades War - this is still unconcluded. Writing this section is taking more time than everything else.

 

Comments and critiques encouraged and appreciated!

 

Od.

[Octavulg]

Defiant Sons

Never Give Up, Never Surrender

 

While I liked Galaxy Quest, I don't think the allusion is quite subtle enough to work with the overall tone of 40K.

 

The Defiant Sons lay claim to an illustrious history as a crusading Chapter originally created during the 22nd Founding. Reportedly founded in response to the Age of Apostasy using Iron Hands gene-seed, they were to be led by a former Captain of the Ultramarines; Chapter Master Avitus Grandis, a venerable warrior noted among his proud brethren as an unpredictable, brilliant strategist who showed the utmost respect for his forebears. A cantankerous spirit, Master Grandis decided to name his fledgling Chapter the Defiant Sons, choosing to teach them that to wage war only according to the Codex was to become too vulnerable.

 

Why would their leader be a Captain of the Ultramarines? If he stays with the chapter, his geneseed'll be different. Might cause problems for the Apothecaries. Plus, the Iron Hands are Codex enough to train a Codex chapter.

 

It just feels really odd. I'm not sure you'd lose much by having him be an Iron Hand (or Brazen Claw, or Red Talon, or what have you).

 

With the aid of the Jain-Ya fleet, the greenskin numbers were whittled down swiftly, until only the monstrous Badrok remained. Beset by this suddenly galvanised combined force, even the spacehulk's considerable bulk could not save it from the alliance's merciless assault. At its destruction, smaller escape vessels were tracked down to the surface of Sigma XVII, worryingly close to the ground war taking place in the planet's capital, Sigma Primaris.

 

If you want advice on this, I'd say explain what you're trying to do with it first. Going into too much detail in battles risks obscuring the point.

 

So...what are you trying to do with this battle? I would suspect you're going to have the Eldar take the planet in the end, and the Chapter resolve to never compromise etc.

 

The Sons’ gene-seed, like those of many a successor Chapter, was garnered from the Mechanicum stockpiles on Holy Terra; more specifically those of the Iron Hands, the warriors of mighty Ferrus Manus. As a result the Chapter’s recruitment statistics are free of mutation or genetic deviation and samples are regularly tithed to the Mechanicus compound on the Forge World of Obeisance, where they are stored and prepared for dispatch to Mars.

 

All successor geneseed is garnered from those stockpiles.

 

Armed with the ancient plasma cannon Fist of Doom, Exemplar Gideon distinguished himself during the Retaliation Crusade by achieving a kill-tally of over nine thousand. His tactical acumen and bloody-minded refusal to retreat have earned him much respect among his brethren.

 

OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????

 

Please don't...

 

The Defiant Sons are led by Chapter Master Raius Morn, a stern and fiery warrior whose strategies and leadership have led the Sons to victory in countless battles since his inception. Raius lives for the glory of battle and is an inspirational sight when orchestrating his strategies from the turret of the Prometheus-pattern Land Raider, the Will of The Ancestors.

 

Land Raiders don't have turrets.

 

He is aided in this task by the Precursors; honoured and trusted warriors who are traditionally the oldest serving members of the Chapter, with notable exceptions. These marines are part of the Precursor Council, a select circle chosen personally by the Chapter Master to advise him in matters of war.

 

The term Precursor feels odd. After all, surely a real Precursor would actually predate the Chapter.

 

Call - “Never give up!”

Response - “Never surrender!”

 

"Honour the Ancestors!"

 

"Purge the greenskin. Kill the Eldar. Burn the heretic. So shall we scour the galaxy of the enemies of Mankind, so shall we be the living legacy of the Primarch and the Immortal Anccestor. Stand with your brothers, stand proud and uphold the honour of the Emperor. For the memory of the Chapter, for the blessed Primarch, for all those who have gone before us into fields of fire and glory, we will stand and fight until death takes us. We are His Defiant Sons! Never give up, never surrender!" - Litany of Legacy, from the Liber Contemptio.

 

I think of the Battle-cry as the closing message of your IA - where you leave the reader with a last final impression of your chapter. Having too many battle cries or too long a battle-cry hurts this, and you seem to have done both.

 

* * *

 

It's pretty good. The theme is there, though not fully realized in their history yet. I'd like it if you tied the whole "never give up" thing into beliefs a bit more as well - the Combat Doctrine seems to work best when it's an expression of the Chapter's beliefs.

[Paladus]

The Defiant Sons' greatest victory, as well as their greatest loss, occurred in 850.M40

I love the IA, very well written but I was wondering how the 40k dating system works. It would be very helpful for my IA if someone could explain the system. Thanks very much and I look forward to seeing more in future...

[Paladus]

Also Maybe An era instead of a millennium, an era sounds more like something from an epic tale instead of the cold, clinical precision of a millennium.

[Odsox]

The Defiant Sons' greatest victory, as well as their greatest loss, occurred in 850.M40

I love the IA, very well written but I was wondering how the 40k dating system works. It would be very helpful for my IA if someone could explain the system. Thanks very much and I look forward to seeing more in future...

 

Hey man, thanks for the comment.

 

As far as I'm aware, Imperial dating works thusly:

 

850.M40 = the eight hundred and fiftieth year of the fortieth millenium.

 

I'm sure it extends further, ie 231.850.M40 would be the two-hundred and thirty-first day in the the eight hundred and fiftieth year of the fortieth millenium, but I'm sure one of the older hands will be able to correct me. =D

[Paladus]

Thanks. I thought it would be something like that when I was looking at your IA.