Index Astartes: The Angels Crimson V3.0

[Walter Payton]

Chaplain Gabriel looked the Legio veteran in the eye. He smiled coldly, his handsome face twisting into a sneer. He reached up with his burning hands and disconnected his helmet with a hiss of pneumatics. At his side, a Crozius Arcanum swung from a thigh loop. He held his helmet in his left hand, and made a sharp salute.

 

'Let me tell you about my chapter, Ancient,' he said in his high, clear voice, 'We are the Angels Crimson, and our deeds have turned the stars red with the blood of the Emperor's enemies.'

Extinguishing one of his gauntlets, Gabriel bent down, and picked up the Iron Gauntlet.

 

The Angels Crimson

 

"Renegades and Traitors! A ring of steel surrounds your rotten city! We will crush all those who dare to continue to resist the will of the God-Emperor. Abandon your posts! Abandon your guns! Abandon all hope! For the Emperor!"

Chaplain Markhov of the Angels Crimson, Siege of Dryussina, 456th Day

 

"But the False-Marines are madmen! I have lost nine thousand men trying to take that very fortress? What difference can fifty men, even fifty space marines, possibly make?"

Lord General Varro

"There is but one way to take a fortress, guardsman,"

Chapter Master Raphael Domitian

"What is that, marine?"

Varro

"Blood and Iron"

 

 

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm/bpe=E8864D&bpj=E8864D&bp=E8864D&bpc=E8864D&hdt=E8864D&hdm=E8864D&hdl=E8864D&ey=FF0303&er=FFFFFF&pi=050505&nk=E8864D&ch=E8864D&eg=8A1212&sk=8A1212&abs=E8864D&bt=E8864D&cod=E8864D&ull=E8864D&lk=E8864D&lll=E8864D&lft=E8864D&url=E8864D&rk=E8864D&lrl=E8864D&rft=E8864D&slt=8A1212&sli=E8864D&srt=8A1212&sri=E8864D&ula=E8864D&lel=E8864D&lla=E8864D&lw=E8864D&lh=E8864D&ura=E8864D&rel=E8864D&rla=E8864D&rw=E8864D&rh=E8864D&bg=FCFBFA&rb=050505&gr=807979&grid=TRUE&wg=true&hsk=true&aq=true&loin=A61717&mk8=true&chps=CC0000&darkangelpad=9E2323&slips=CC0000&ti=FFFFFF&lkr2=8F1E1E&blt=000000&/spacemarine.jpg

Brother Volokhonsky, 6 Company, Squad Patria, "The Spear of Noxxara"

 

'What is it to be an Angel Crimson?'

'It is to be a Weapon of Righteousness'

'What is it to be an Angel Crimson?'

'It is to be a Weapon of the Emperor'

'What is it to be an Angel Crimson?'

'It is to fight with wisdom, and strength'

'What is it to be an Angel Crimson?'

'It is to be a Deliverer'

'What is it to be an Angel Crimson?'

'It is to be a defender to those who cannot defend themselves'

'What is it to be an Angel Crimson?'

'It is to be a master of the four suites of war:'

'Skill, Strength, Wisdom and Fear'

 

A recital of the Angels Crimson pledge of service, as uttered by every recruit on their ascension to Battle Brother.

 

Introduction

 

The Angels Crimson are descendants of the illustrious bloodline of Sanguinius. Their marines are recruited from the savagest of hive gangs, or the fiercest of forest tribes. Their history is a litany of shattered foes and victories won through grit and determination under the light of a million suns. Despite this, the Angels Crimson bear a terrible curse, which has led them to fight in ever more bloody wars and has made them pariahs amongst some of their fellow Astartes. This curse is one that has its origins in a crucible of a hopeless battle, ten millennia ago. On the bloody fields of Signus Prime did the Blood Angels first become afflicted with the Black Rage and Red Thirst, and these have plagued all their successors ever since

 

Its shadow gives the Blood Angels a furious edge in combat. But it is a power that consumes a man, eating away at his psyche until there is nothing left but a desire to rend and slay. The Angels Crimson, as descendants of the Sanguinius bloodline, suffer from this curse as much as any other chapter, but unique genetic deficiencies have made it a greater pain to the Angels Crimson's aesthetic minds.

 

Now the Angels Crimson campaign ceaselessly to find a cure for the Rage. They raid mighty strongholds of the Ruinous Powers for simply a scrap of data regarding the Rage. Their crusade to recover a cure shall, in the words of their chapter master, Raphael Descartes 'paint the stars Crimson!" In lost library worlds, in the depths of the Eye, and in the lethal environs of death worlds, the Angels Crimson search tirelessly for a cure for the Rage.

 

Origins and Founding

 

++Initial results look promising, my lord. I detect a 0.000000004 variance in geneseed stability and a .789120... (select for further decimal places) variance in subject aggression levels...It is my recommendation that we monitor the chapter for further geneseed deficiency, but it is my instinct (backed up by extensive probability calculations-see here) that the project is complete.++

 

Magos Ferranus, Adeptus Mechanicus, in his progress report to the Fabricator-General

 

The Angels Crimson were an attempt to utilise the superior geneseed of the Sanguinius bloodline. Spurred on by the success of the Lamenters' creation, the Adeptus Mechanicus spent decades honing the geneseed of the Angels Crimson for the 23rd Founding. A Magos Ferranus was charged with heading the project. Hundreds of aspirants, from scions of noble houses to feral tribesmen, and other servants of the Emperor were injected with the geneseed.

 

The initial results were promising. None of the recruits seemed to be susceptible to the rage, and the recruits displayed a level of purity equivalent to that of the Guilliman or El'Jonson strains. The project was hailed as a success, and Magos Ferranus was even touted as a future head of the Biologis Division, even as a possible successor to the incumbent Fabricator General.

 

All this changed with the 13th Black Crusade.

 

The armies of the World Eater Lord Harkon attacked the fortress world of Memor, a world that formed a lynchpin of Imperial strategy. The entire chapter were in attendance, stood united against the Imperium's foes. This was the first time the Angels Crimson had faced the forces of Khorne, the greatest enemy of Sanguinius. It was on the bloody sands of Memor that the degenerations happened. Men became berserk monsters, turning upon the World Eaters and slaughtering them in an animalistic rage. It is not known why this mass degenerations happened, but it is conjectured that encountering the forces of Khorne, the forces that gave the Angels their curse, provokes unique genetic reactions within the Sons of Sanguinius. Nearly a quarter of the Chapter fell that day, and of them, only twelve marines survived, changed utterly. Their once noble Sanguinite features were marred by red eyes and huge fangs. They had succumbed to the Red Thirst. Due to the Mechanicus's efforts, the Angels Crimson do not suffer from the Black Rage, instead degenerating to the point of the Red Thirst in one fell swoop. Although the Adeptus Mechanicus's efforts have meant that men can excercise a portion of control over it, so as to avoid slaying their brothers (though this process is far from universally effective), the phratry suffer hugely from this curse, and it is a constant battle to keep a steady influx of recruits.

 

The Angels Crimson see the Red Thirst as a test from the Emperor and those who fail as being weak. Their Death Company exist not for glory, but to redeem themselves in the fires of combat. If a brother succumbs, his name will be ritually struck from the Chapter records, and his insignia will be burned from his body and armour. His armour will be painted black, like that of the rest of the Death Company, and he will be forever remembered as one of the Shamed, whose only function is to seek a glorious death in combat. This formation is one that can crush armies underfoot, for there is no more terrifying foe in the Galaxy than an Angel of Death seeking redemption.

 

 

 

Chapter Fleet

 

"She'll hold! Full power to the weapons batteries! Swat the cruisers like insects!"

Augustus Caesar, Captain of the Archangel's Flame, at the Battle for Van Hugen's Hope

 

The Angles Crimson are a fleet-based chapter, and have learned to specialise in ship-to-ship boarding actions. They posess a mighty chapter fleet, headed by their mighty Caesar-class starfort and fortress-monastery, the Archangel's Flame, and their forgeship, the Manus Calidus. The chapter also maintains a large complement of rapid strike vessels, as well as five strike cruisers and two battle barges. The chapter generally uses their fleet as a spear, forcing a salient into the enemy blockade, that allows them to get close enough for a drop assault. The chapter makes heavy use of Storm Harbinger Landers, only using Thunderhawks for the transporting heavy equipment, or Terminators when Teleport is infeasible. As such, they maintain very few Thunderhawk gunships, though they posess a goodly portion of Transporters. The chapter takes the view that, if a Storm Harbinger with ten marines in it is shot down, it is a tragedy, but if a Thunderhawk with half a company in it is shot down, it is a disaster. They favour drop and gunship assaults, swooping down upon the Emperor's enemies like the Angels of ancient Terran myth.

The Archangel's Flame

http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/0/08/RamiliesClassStarFort.JPG

 

The Angels Crimson's fortress monastery is a colossal Ramilies class starfort called the Archangel's Flame. The Flame is the spiritual home of the entire chapter, and each brother is assigned a single cell inside its hallowed depths in which to meditate and contemplate. In addition, the Archangel's Flame is a terrifying foe in battle, especially so when accompanied by the chapter's Battle-Barges, the Sanguine and the Ferrum. At the centre of the Flame is the chapter cathedral, where the chapter gather either in times of need, or special occasions. The cathedral is arranged as an amphitheatre, where each company sits in a ring. It is this that causes the Angels Crimson to refer to their companies as Spheres.

 

 

 

 

Recruitment and Indoctrination

 

"You have been selected for this privilege, for this honour, because you have honoured the Emperor. Never forget, that as long as you honour the Emperor, he honours you."

Chaplain Gabriel Markhov, addressing new recruits

The Messengers

The final test of the Angels Crimson is referred to as 'The Messengers'. In ancient Terran folklore, angels were the messengers of the gods, and it is from this ancient belief that the Angels derive their gruelling test. The applicants are made to deliver a variety of coded, and eminently pointless messages, around their ship or training ground. The entire trial lasts for a week, the appilcants surviving on nothing more than a wafer of bread and a cup of wine per day. When the physical ordeal is over, the applicant must then attempt to interpret the pointless and coded messages that he has delivered. This mental test is almost as gruelling as the physical. After this ordeal, the applicants are fed drugged food and wine, before being taken, insensible, to the hibernation caskets, or, should they fail the test, the Armoury, where only transformation into a mindless servitor awaits them.

The chapter recruits from a wide variety of sources, including feral worlds, hive gangs, and noble Imperial Houses (although this is rare). The recruits are screened for purity of mind, body and soul. A recruit to the Angels must be judged utterly incorruptible, and the Angels strive to make their recruiting tests as difficult as possible. In addition to extensive physical testing, the recruits are also made to solve a variety of mental puzzles, and undergo extensive psychic testing. If an Angel does fall to chaos, that brother's name is branded upon the brow of the Librarian who carried out the psychic initiation scans, as a mark of penitence. The only way to remove such a brand is to kill the offender in battle.

 

The recruits are made to pass a wide variety of tests, depending on the humours of the sergeant that recruited them. Whatever the recruits must do, from hunting dangerous beasts to braving gruelling physical environments, one thing is certain: It will be incredibly painful and difficult. Once this is complete, the survivors are placed in a hibernation casket for an entire year, which feeds information into their brains. Some tales, however, such as the story of Horus's vile treachery, or the tale of the Angel's duel with Ka'Bandha, however, must always be told by word of mouth, and are recounted to the recruit during his tenure as a scout.

 

Unlike their parent chapter the Blood Angels, the scouts of the Angels Crimson are the newest and rawest recruits, yet to be tempered upon the field of battle. The recruits of the chapter are ordered into a loose fraternity, and scout squads are allocated on a need basis to the Sphere-Companies in the field.

 

Chapter Organisation

 

"You are a battle brother of the glorious Eighth. Your name is now part of the glorious roster that has woven a long and proud path through our history. Take up your weapon, son of the Emperor, and go forth. Let them fear you name, but let them taste your shadow."

Captain Vos, Michaelians, Angel's Crimson

 

The current chapter strength stands at ten companies, or Spheres, plus the recruits. They set great store by martial honour and battle, and every three hundred years they embark on a Diaspora. All their companies set off across the galaxy, and are expected to return on Uternicht, their holy day. Their quest must take one year from beginning to end, and they tell tales of their valour when they return to the appointed gathering place (usually an uninhabited system).

 

The Chapter is ruled by the Senatus Sanguine. The Captains of the Ten Sphere-Companies, sit on the Senatus, as does the Chapter Master (current incumbent: Raphael Descartes), the Master of the Forge, and the three most senior dreadnoughts. The Lord Sybilline (chief apothecary), and the Lord Epistolary sit on the Senatus, as does the Master of Sanctity. The Angels Crimson may never go to war as a single chapter (individual companies are free to prosecute their own campaigns) without the vote of the Senatus Sanguine. The Chapter Master's vote counts as three, the Master of the Forge, Master of Sanctity, Lord Epistolary and First Captain's for two, and the Dreadnought's for one. However, the Dreadnoughts have the power to veto any action taken by the council, if all three are of the same mind. The council meets in the Basilica Petro Magno, a mighty dome, its inner surface carved with a huge fresco of Sanguinius on Baal, onboard the Archangel's Flame. The Senatus was formed so that the Chapter Master would never become victim to the sin of arrogance, nor would he become a dictator, for both these sins open the door for Chaos to creep in. The dreadnoughts have the power of veto because of their ancient and experienced nature. They provide valuable counsel to the less experienced Captains, and speak for the ancients of the Chapter, and as the voice of the chapter's fallen, the battle-brethren viewing them as a kind of link between living and dead. Obviously, when all the commanders cannot be there in person, astropathic verisim is used.

 

The Ophanim

The Librarum of the Angels Crimson works closely in conjunction with the Helix Division of the Techmarines. They gather the scraps of data regarding the possible Cure for the Curse of Sanguinius. They maintain their library-frigate, the Athenaeum, in the Iacton's Hope system, where it remains on permanent standby. All Lexicanum must spent at least two years manning it. The Angels maintain it in this way, so that even if their mighty fortress-monastery were to be destroyed, their knowledge shall not perish with it.

 

The 1st Company (the Incarnadines) is comprised of Veterans. The most common method of assault is for the chapter's air power to fly overhead at high altitude, the Vanguard Squads leaping from the rear of their gunships and activating their jet packs as low as possible, so as to maximise the crushing impact of their landing. Unlike most chapters, the Angels Crimson insist that their Veterans train in both Sternguard and Vanguard disciplines, and the 1st is a highly flexible formation that can adapt to any tactical eventuality, be it storming an Iron Warrior's fortress, holding the line against an Ork Waaaagh, or a search and destroy mission against an Ork Warboss. The obvious drawback is that the 1st cannot excercise the same degree of aptitude in each discipline that other chapters can, but the Angels Crimson see this as a worthy price to pay.

 

The Angels Crimson maintain few suits of Terminator Armour, preferring speed and efficiency to crushing hammer blows.

 

The 2nd to Seventh Sphere-Companies are the tactical companies of the chapter, each retaining the standard Codex organisation of six tactical squads, two assault squads and two devastator squads. These form the backbone of chapter operations in theatre, and their valour has been the shield of Noxxara on countless occasions. The Angels Crimson eschew the use of reserve companies.

 

The chapter's Assault companies, led by Captain Vos of the Eighth and Captain Nguyen of the Ninth are fierce rivals, and constantly compete. Nguyen was drawn from the Arbites of Necromunda, whilst Vos was a lowlife hive ganger of house Orlock in the same hive. Their past makes them rivals, but not enemies, and their friendship is almost as strong as their combat records. The Angels Crimson have no dedicated Devastator companies.

 

Unlike their parent chapter the Blood Angels, the scouts of the Angels Crimson are the newest and rawest recruits, yet to be tempered upon the field of battle. The recruits of the chapter are ordered into a loose fraternity, and scout squads are allocated on a need basis to the comanies in the field. The exception is when the chapter goes on its Diaspora. Then, the recruits are left at Noxxara, under the command of the three Senatus Nox dreadnoughts, to defend it whilst their future brethren are away.

 

The chapter's Reclusiam, referred to by the phratry as the Pastores are most commonly seen sheperding the maniacal death company into action, like those of their parent chapter. They tend to those in the grip of the Thirst in the Silent Cathedral onboard the Archangel's Flame.

 

The chapter Librarium of the Angels Crimson records their many triumphs in the Censum Invictus, their massive roster of victories. It records their defeats in its Censum Of Woes, and this is displayed in the Chapel of Penance, whilst the Censum Invictus is displayed in the Chapel of the Shadow Walker. The scraps of information regarding the Angels Crimson's founding is kept in a sealed stasis vault in the Hall of Trophies.

 

The Apothecarion of the Angels Crimson, referred to as the Sybillines by the phratry, is a reclusive and secretive unit. A whole section of the Indefatigable is given over to their care, and they command as much power within the chapter as the Librarians and Chaplains. Indeed, if a Captain is lost in the field, the Sybilline is always chosen as interim successor. The Apothecaries command such power due to their place in the chapter's belief structure, where they are viewed as saviours, working tirelessly for cure to the Rage. They are led by the Lord Sybilline. The current Lord Sybilline is Lord Philoctes, one of the longest lived of the chapter, who has tended to the chapter's fallen for nearly eight hundred years.

 

The Techmarines of the Angels Crimson are split into two groups, the Mechanicus Division, and the Helix Division. The Mechanicus Division tends to the chapter's war machines and armour, and numbers roughly sixty percent of the Chapter Mechanicum. The Helix Division maintain the equipment of the Apothecaries, and research Biologis files on Astartes physiology, to aid the Apothecarion in their task. Occasionally, they will deploy to the field, equipped with all manner of esoteric tools, in order to recover some scrap of data. The Chapter's Master of the Forge is Archimedes Prometyan, who has custody of the chapter forgeship, the Manus Callidus.

 

Combat Doctrine

 

"We are the Angels of Death. We fight and die as such!"

Chapter Master Uriel Augustus, replying to Eldar demands to surrender.

 

The Angels Crimson strive to rid themselves of the terrible curse that is the Red Thirst. They long for the day when they can finally cast awaythe stigma that has dogged the Sons of Sanguinius, and ascend to first amongst the Emperor's finest. As such, they utilise the sacred teachings of the Codex Astartes when planning their assaults. Despite this, they have still specialised to some degree, favouring the ferocious close quarters combat of the Sons of Sanguinius. As such, they utilise their assault squads and Death Company, preferring to fly above the battlefield, passing fiery and brutal judgement on those unwilling to be part of his realm. In this, they are truly the Emperor's Angels.

 

Chapter Cult

 

'Nostrum Imperialis Defendem Consituit'

Reclusiam pledge

 

The Angels Crimson revere the Emperor as a saviour and as a protector. They revere the primarchs as his sons, and as great warriors. Their religion is called the Cult of the Shadow Walker, symbolising that the Emperor walks the realm of twilight in between life and death.

 

They revere Sanguinius as a hero and a protector. He is venerated as the Knight Imperial, truest of the Emperor's defenders. Every frater is expected to take a vow before Sanguinius on his ascension, and periodically renews it during his term of service.

 

When the Angel's were founded, Captains Raphael, Uriel, Gabriel and Michael, from the Angels Vermillion, Red Wings, and Blood Legion respectively, were appointed to train the new chapter. As a homage to these illustrious men, the Angels Crimson's Chapter Master must assume one of these names upon his ascension to the post. These men's statues also stand beside that of Sanguinius in the Basilica Petro Magno.

 

Geneseed

 

"Pure of heart, strong of body, sharp of mind and fiery of soul"

Apothecarion Pledge

The Quest

The Quest is the name given by the Angels Crimson to their eternal search for a cure for the Black Rage. Amidst towering banks of library worlds, in books of long lost scientific schematics, the Apothecarion work tirelessly to cure the rage. The Benedictines have the power to petition the Senatus Sanguine to go to war, if they feel there is something to be gained from it, though this is rarely done. A notable instance was the Moriban Exsanguiniation, where four companies of Angels Crimson made planetfall on the daemon-infested world. Fighting through hell-spawn and treacher Astartes alike, they discovered a fragment of medical data, which the Benedictines are even now putting to good use.

 

Being of the Sanguinius Bloodline, the Angels Crimson use the same geneseed as all his sucessors. The geneseed of the Angels Crimson has, aside from the Rage, no known defects. Staunch Sanguinians, the Angels believe that the Black Rage is a curse, not a blessing, and look with disgust upon the Faustian factions within the Sons of Sanguinius. Their Sybilline Apothecaries work tirelessly to find a cure. The Sybillines even hunt within the Eye of Terror and Maelstrom on occasion, and a flotilla of Angels Crimson warships was recently sighted entering the gateway at the Arx Gap.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Battle Cry

Chaplain: For Redemption!

 

Phratry: For Sanguinius!

Motto

 

Sanguine et Ferrum

 

Blood and Iron

Edited February 11, 2010 by Brother-Captain Alecto

[Walter Payton]

I have ditched some of the laboured feral world points, and instead added a chapter fleet for the Angels. Please, C&C

[Lt. Smash]

Awesome!

The level of detail you have gone to is really cool, and sets your chapter apart from the likes of mine.

 

Excuse me if I missed it but I'm only half awake at the moment, but there isn't a techmarine section in your Chapter Orginisation.

[Walter Payton]

Awesome!

The level of detail you have gone to is really cool, and sets your chapter apart from the likes of mine.

 

Excuse me if I missed it but I'm only half awake at the moment, but there isn't a techmarine section in your Chapter Orginisation.

 

First, thanks for the compliment, and secondly, oops! Oh, well, more trawling wikipedia for a suitably angelic nom de guerre for them

 

Will update shortly.

[Walter Payton]

Have added apothecaries and techmarines sections.

[Rabidus]

Very well written indeed. However and this might be a misunderstanding on my point...in the opening gambit, where you except the challenge, Chaplain Gabriel has burning gauntlets. Later in the IA you note another Chaplain as the one to have modified his armour thus.

 

Rabidus

[Walter Payton]

Very well written indeed. However and this might be a misunderstanding on my point...in the opening gambit, where you except the challenge, Chaplain Gabriel has burning gauntlets. Later in the IA you note another Chaplain as the one to have modified his armour thus.

 

Rabidus

 

 

Silly me. His full name is Chaplain Gabriel Markhov. Will change. Any comment on the STC battleship (I expect that to be a Point of Contention)?

[Walter Payton]

Unashamed double posting people! Actually, I have updated some names, to keep it in with the Catholic Church theme

[Walter Payton]

Right, if there are no more objections, then it is going to the Librarium submission stage. T minus: One week

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Here, they found the burnt-out remains of an intact STC. The STC made a type of warship that was designed for planetary operations and invasions. The last example of this work was fuelled and ready on the lauch pad, its excellent construction keeping it safe from the ravages of time, and the savages fear of it keeping it from damage by them. As it became apparent that it would be impossible to reverse engineer it, the Magos in charge of the expedition gifted it to the Angels Crimson, who renamed it the Indefatigable. The Mechanicus contented themselves with vital scraps of data from the STC.

 

The big question - why? What have you done to deserve such a monumental favour from the Adeptus Mechanicus? Why are you given such a warship that is over and above the Codex restrictions but is not bound by slow speed (unlike the Ramilies)? Why should the Mechanicus not keep it for themselves?

[Walter Payton]

Good Point

 

I don't think it is that over and above the Codex restrictions. I am fairly sure that a grand cruiser is equivalent to a Battle Barge in firepower, and I deliberately wrote it so that the thing is not a massive uber-awesome killer with a battery of Death Star lasers. Will go back and change. As for the monumental favour, well, yanking an Explorator team out of the fire, and helping them secure STC fragments seems enough.

 

Oh, and Tyrak. The Ramillies is different. It is better.

 

Any comment on the rest of the IA? You are a Lexicanium after all.

Edited February 1, 2010 by Brother-Captain Alecto

[Grand Master Tyrak]

The Ramillies is different. It is better.

 

Then you need to explicitly say so.

 

As for the monumental favour, well, yanking an Explorator team out of the fire, and helping them secure STC fragments seems enough.

 

It's no more than your duty though. It might be enough to convince the AdMech to make an investment of goodwill in your Chapter (because you could have refused, even though that would have had bad consequences), but they don't directly owe you anything.

 

Any comment on the rest of the IA? You are a Lexicanium after all.

 

Spelling and grammar is best checked when the content is complete, that way it only has to be checked once. I'll give people a couple more days to reply before posting on spelling and grammar.

Edited February 1, 2010 by Grand Master Tyrak

[Walter Payton]

Fair. I have changed it, again, so that the Mechanicus actually had a monumental gain from it.

[StratoKhan]

I'm not sure how cohesive the Index Astartes article feels at the moment. I feel like the story passage in the introduction is somewhat confusing and really interrupts the flow of the piece.

 

The other quotes you have at the very beginning could do with some improved formatting.

 

One very minor but important point to start with -

 

Angel's Crimson

 

Just a small mistake but it makes all the difference to catch these.

 

Now the Angels Crimson campaign ceaselessly to find a cure for the Rage. They raid mighty strongholds of the Ruinous Powers for simply a scrap of data regarding the Rage. Their crusade to recover a cure shall, in the words of their chapter master, Raphael Descartes 'paint the stars Crimson!" In lost library worlds, in the depths of the Eye, and in the lethal environs of death worlds, the Angels Crimson search tirelessly for a cure for the Rage.

 

Why would a Chaos Fortress contain data relating to the Black Rage? I'm not sure this is logical. Maybe Fabius Bile might have collected some information on this condition, but this isn't really indicated by the background so you'd have to be careful in how you word it. Plus, as an established character it is usually frowned upon to add too much background to people like him. But if your reasoning sounds plausible enough I'm sure it could be accepted. He is, after all, amazingly gifted, dedicated to unlocking secrets of genetics that the Departmentorum Biologis could only dream about looking into. And constantly on the run while scattering his 'new men' across the galaxy. So another Chapter hunting him wouldn't really be implausible and could work well. It sounds more likely that he has information of this kind than any other Chaos faction. But the other foolproof, although a bit predictable place to look would be STC databanks and even more ancient sources.

 

It was on the bloody sands of Memor that the degenerations happened. Men became vampiric monsters, turning upon the World Eaters and slaughtering them in an animalistic rage. Their once noble Sanguinite features were marred by red eyes and huge fangs.

 

I'm not an expert by any means on the Black Rage, but it seems like there isn't any mention of such a change occurring to the Blood Angels or any other Blood Angel successor when they succumb to the Black Rage. However, you do not even mention this in passing as being remarkable. Also, why do the Angels Crimson succumb to the Black Rage en masse at that particular moment? It must have been for a specific reason, yet no mention is made of it. Also, the way you describe the Death Company makes it sound like a permanent company of the Chapter, yet I believe thatit has been stated that once a Marine falls to this curse his days are numbered. But I might be reading that passage incorrectly.

 

Every aspirant of the Angels Crimson had the same facial features. Whilst there was modest variation in hair and skin colour, each man bore upon him facial features of his primarch Sanguinius. How this happened is unknown, but it is conjectured that Magos Ferranus's tampering went to far, deleting DNA bases that were vital to variation. Magos Ferranus himself expressed shock, normally an emotion that is associated with fleshlings. Each man was the spitting image of his primarch.

 

How did they know what Sanguinius really looked like? Even if they were just all clones it would be creepy enough.

 

"You are not in Kansas any more..."

Pre-Unification Fragment, Source Unknown

 

The tone of that extract doesn't really work for me. It jars with the angelic theme you're trying to develop. It kind of breaks immersion.

 

Organisation

 

While it might be personally useful for you to make names for each division, what does it actually add to the for the reader to know each and every name for every company and division? I feel like it's too much information. Another example, is knowing what kind of helmet Sgt Rezhnov wears so important? I would argue that plunging into so much detail actually dissipates the focus that your piece should be trying to acheive. See this IA as an overview of your Chapter. At the moment it is a detailed treatise in certain parts and a historical overview in others. It's confused in its focus.

 

I can't say I'm too much of a fan of the names, Benedictines for example is the name of an order of monks, they're very peaceful and it doesn't really gel with the warlike bent that your Chapter, as well as most Chapters, is going for. But if you must call them thus, why have they decided not to side with the vast majority of Chapters and simply call a Company a Company, but a Sphere? There must be a reason. If there isn't, then beware! If somethign is there 'just because' then maybe it should be cut as it might just be there for the hell of it. Prose cannot soar when laden with dead weight.

 

You mention that the chapter doesn't have many suits, presumably not having as much equipment is a drawback and for me this is the important part to discuss, how are they dealing with this drawback? These are the questions one wants to know when reading an IA. In my opinion of course.

 

The Angels Crimson have evolved to favour speed and stealth over hammer blows. They are a finely honed sabre, rather than the hammer of an Imperial Guard tank company, or the brutal claymore of a Titan assault.

 

Well, like any Space Marine Chapter then. I think this could be improved on. I'm not too sure about the psychological warfare at the moment. By the way, a sabre isn't exactly the most graceful of weapons. It's mostly for brute force slashing. Not that different from the claymore. Unless you mean the fencing one.

 

Chapter Cult

 

The Cult part is interesting. But you don't really need to list the names of all the Chapter masters, it might add detail but the purpose of the IA is to develop character. Precision isn't always best. It sounds clinical. By all means you can mention your current CMs name. But even the Ultramarines, one of the most well-known Chapters, only have two known Masters, out of 70+. Decon and Calgar. And presumably at the end of the HH series we'll find out the first one's name. Just knowing that all the Masters have their names inscribed on this relic is enough I think. And the part where they have to have a specific name isn't bad either.

 

Being of the Sanguinius Bloodline, the Angels Crimson use the same geneseed as all his sucessors. Blood Angels sucessors are unique in that deeply engrained in their gene-seed is the encoded experience of Sanguinius, and most deeply imprinted of all is the memory of his final battle with Horus. Sometimes an event or circumstance will trigger this 'race memory'. This happens only rarely, often on the eve of battle, but it is likely to be a fatal experience for the warrior whose mind is suddenly wrenched into the distant past. What has become known as the Black Rage overcomes him, the memories and consciousness of Sanguinius intrudes upon his mind, and dire events ten thousand years old flood into the present.

 

You know, this has been covered already by the Blood Angels Index Astartes, and their Codex too. I think you can assume that your readers will know what you're talking about. Explaining about the Black Rage again seems redundant. What you want to do is explain what the Black Rage means to your Chapter in particular. The Flesh Tearers IA is a good example of this. How are your Chapter dealing with it, what's different, etc etc. If it isn't too different then you don't have to explain what happens. Almost everyone will know already. Anyone who doesn't can read the BA Codex.

 

Ok, that's me done for now, hope it helps you out.

[Master Exorcist]

Unlike their parent chapter the Blood Angels, the scouts of the Angels Crimson are the newest and rawest recruits

 

the blood angels scouts ARE new as well.

 

ME

[Walter Payton]

Ok, I thought BA scouts were the fiercest members, will change.

 

Spheres does have a point, as the theme is angels, and the Spheres are the desending order of Angelic hierarchy. The Kansas quotation can go, the extra stuff with the rage can go, and so will the benedictines, to be replaced with another angelic name.

 

Oh, and they know what all the primarchs looked like because, A, they have picts of them, and B, the Veterans who trained them, would doubtless known, as their chapter would have records of him.

Edited February 2, 2010 by Brother-Captain Alecto

[StratoKhan]

Spheres does have a point, as the theme is angels, and the Spheres are the desending order of Angelic hierarchy.

 

I understand that they're there becuase the theme is angels, but why is the theme angels? That's more the question I'm asking. There are a lot of Chapters with Angelic names out there, Blood Angels, Dark Angels, Angels Sanguine, Angels of Vengeance, Anges of Redemption, Angels of Absolution. They seem to be happy using the term Company to describe their companies. So unless there is a remarkable reason for this complete overhaul of the Chapter's naming structure it just seems like a not too subtle addition to emphasise the angelic theme. Spheres is a good way to conjure angelic images but perhaps it can be used in a different way that is still characterful.

 

Oh, and they know what all the primarchs looked like because, A, they have picts of them, and B, the Veterans who trained them, would doubtless known, as their chapter would have records of him.

 

I thought that the both Crusade and Heresy were distant memories to all but a few individuals. After 10,000 years I would have thought records such as those would have been I never heard of a mention in the background saying that the images of all the Primarchs were available in Imperial records. Most renditions of these beings show them as idealised divine figures, such as the Infinity Gate scene where the Emperor is fighting the serpent of chaos. But if that's your angle that's fine.

[Walter Payton]

It is my angle because Sanguinius has his own day-the Sanguinala

[Sigismund Himself]

Feedback incoming.

 

Okay, the main thing I kept saying while reading through this was 'Tell me what's different, not what's the same'. The opening sentence is a prime example. "The Angels Crimson are an illustrious and mighty chapter". What chapter isn't illustrious and mighty? ;) This continues in other sections, such as Organization. "The 1st Company is comprised of Veterans. Few marines make this prestigious cut, and fewer still survive more than a handful of bloody battles." There's a lot more of this throughout the article. You should be able to find them by yourself but I can point them out if need be. By telling us what's the same, you waste space in the IA in which you could be telling us how they are unique and bore the reader.

 

Onto my favourite bugbear, theme. The theme you seem to be angling for is angelic but not perfect (at least, this is what I got from reading it). I think there's a few things that don't quite click for me. The main thing is the psychological warfare. You mention this only once in the combat doctrine and no where else. Because of this, it seems rather tacked on. If you want this to be a part of the chapter, you have to link it to the theme better and have it reflected in other sections. Every section should be interlinked by the theme and no section should look like it stands alone, like the Combat Doctrine does currently. Hopefully that's halfway coherent <_<

 

This brings me onto another major point. There's a lot of unneeded stuff in the IA. Every sentence should reflect the theme of the chapter and tell us something new about it. We don't want to read about the exact makeup of your fleet. We don't want to read about how your Master of Sanctity is armed. We don't want to read how many menial workers are part of the Reclusiam. An IA shouldn't go too much into the nitty gritty details of the chapter. An IA needs more of an overview and the writing has to have, to quote another Liberite, 'an epic sweep'. Don't get bogged down in details, especially if they don't particularly reflect the theme of the chapter. Of course, it's a balance between telling us too little detail that the chapter doesn't appear different and telling us too much detail so that the reader now knows what type of crunchy critters they eat for breakfast.

 

I would also advise using more conjecture and rumour in the IA. Don't say that they are hunting Fabius Bile to try and get geneseed secrets from him. Just make comments about the chapter going to any lengths to find the cure and then drop hints about a taskforce permanently stationed in the Eye of Terror that operates mostly alone from Imperial Forces. Have a rumour that they are hunting him but present other alternatives or the marines declaring a different mission. Another place to use rumour and conjecture is when you start going near MISS territory. An example of this is the relic of Sanguinius' armour. Don't say they have a piece. Say they claim to have a piece. It's a small difference but it can be a vital one.

 

Not totally sold on them all looking like Sanguinius either. If the Blood Angels don't with the purest Blood Angel geneseed, then I don't see why these guys should. I'm also not sure on how everybody knows what Sanguinius looks like. To use a real world example, look how the typical portrayal of Jesus has changed in merely 2000 years. We know he would have been of Arabic descent and yet due to the Westernisation of the religion, all our current day images of him are as a white man. Multiply this times five and then you can see the kind of distortion that would apply to Sanguinius.

 

Smaller matters now.

 

First up, where are they in the galaxy? You mention them fighting the forces of Khorne, which puts them either near the Maelstrom or the Eye of Terror. Then you mention Tyranids and Tau, both of which are (mostly for Tyranids) on the Eastern Fringe. Even a fleet based chapter normally have their own stomping grounds, as it were, and to have marines fighting at the either end of the galaxy is risky.

 

You also mention 'Noxxara' in several places, and even a homeworld in the Battle Cry section, but tell us they're a fleet-based chapter. Left over from earlier drafts?

 

The chapter recruits from a wide variety of sources, including feral worlds, hive gangs, and even from the Imperial Guard that they fight alongside (although this is rare).

Recruits must be in their younger teenage years to be able to be implanted. I doubt there's any 10-14 year olds in the Imperial Guard :P

 

In conjunction with the homeworld note, the Diaspora also doesn't make sense. Leaving only scouts to defend your Fortress Monastery or prime recruiting ground? That's asking for trouble.

 

The 'Indefatigable' sidebar doesn't make an sense to me. One, it doesn't particularly reflect the theme of the chapter. Two, you say that 'several vital systems were irreparably damaged' as part of the the reason for the Mechanicus turning over an example of a STC (not particularly convincing to me) and yet the chapter is now flying around in it?

 

Be careful of MISS, especially in the Combat Doctrine and the 'The Shamed' sections.

 

Avoid using subtitles within sections (ie. Organisation), as it doesn't fit the IA style of writing. I'd work the name changes of the departments into the IA a lot more subtly throughout it, rather than just dumping them all in the Organisation for the reader to plough through in one lot.

 

And last but not least, there's a couple of spelling errors (the infamous Angles strikes again in an Angel chapter :P ) and wording that's a little too informal for an IA (using 'sort of like' for example). A thorough read through should catch most of these, especially if you leave it for a day or two and come back to it with 'fresh' eyes.

 

Why does the Chapter Master get a sidebar to himself? Is he that important? Look at it this way, does Marneus Calgar get a sidebar in IA: Ultramarines?

 

Overall, a very interesting start but it needs a lot more work to get up to Librarium standard :)

[Walter Payton]

Okay, okay, will change later, as I am off-lessons tomorrow. Thanks for the advice, Sigismund.

[gil galed]

A small point of contention from me, generally speech would flow better if put like this imo

 

"But the False-Marines are madmen! I have lost nine thousand men trying to take that very fortress? What difference can fifty men, even fifty space marines, possibly make?" Lord General Varro

"There is but one way to take a fortress, guardsman," Chapter Master Raphael Domitian

"What is that Marine?"

"Blood and Iron"

 

 

p.s I also removed the comma and capitalized Marine, which I think is right, capital M given he's using it as a name and without the comma because with it he would speak it very weirdly, unless you want "What is that (Pause) Marine)"

 

p.p.s Surely the IG have both blood and iron? Lots of it infact, would Blood and Ceramite not be better? (I realize they have this to but it sounds more space marine-y even though maybe not as poetic)

 

:D

 

~Gil

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Blood and iron will?

 

Not the original exactly, but how many IG Regiments really have iron willpower?

[Walter Payton]

'The great questions of the time will not be resolved by speeches and majority decisions...but by iron and blood'

 

We are studying him in history, and I like the phrase. It is their motto, after all.

[gil galed]

'The great questions of the time will not be resolved by speeches and majority decisions...but by iron and blood'

 

We are studying him in history, and I like the phrase. It is their motto, after all.

 

fair do's then, I wasn't saying it had to be changed <_< if you have a reason (which you do clearly) thats cool by me :angry: