IA: Iron Angels

[Apothete]

From a purely mechanical standpoint, it doesn't seem finished to me.

 

However, I suppose that our agreement to disagree about your grammar means that I have nothing else to say since I can't comment on the theme while those issues remain.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

From a purely mechanical standpoint, it doesn't seem finished to me.

 

However, I suppose that our agreement to disagree about your grammar means that I have nothing else to say since I can't comment on the theme while those issues remain.

 

The fact is, I only know one way to write.. I can't change that.

 

So the idea that I need to redefine the way I go about writing is a bit much to bother with, given that I will never again attempt another IA.

 

I'm happy with what I have, I'd like to think it has been through the grinder enough to be good, and so I really can't justify wracking my brain to find a way to make it more readable for others; because to be honest this isn't really for other people, it's for me.

 

I'm pleased that you took the time to try and help make it better, I thank you for that, but I'm happy with it so i quit.

 

:(

[Ecritter]

We have to all remember that not everyone here is an award winning writer ... we are all different and have very different backgrounds.

 

I'm happy with it, but no one listens to me.

[Apothete]

I'm happy with what I have, I'd like to think it has been through the grinder enough to be good, and so I really can't justify wracking my brain to find a way to make it more readable for others; because to be honest this isn't really for other people, it's for me.

 

I'm pleased that you took the time to try and help make it better, I thank you for that, but I'm happy with it so i quit.

 

:huh:

 

Then I'm happy for you, Juan.

 

If the Liber has helped you to enjoy your creation more than you might have on your own, bettering it along the way, then we've done what we try to do. Ultimately, this is your writing and your Chapter, so the final say always belongs with you.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

We have to all remember that not everyone here is an award winning writer ... we are all different and have very different backgrounds.

 

I'm happy with it, but no one listens to me.

 

I've done pretty well with listening to you!

 

I'm happy with what I have, I'd like to think it has been through the grinder enough to be good, and so I really can't justify wracking my brain to find a way to make it more readable for others; because to be honest this isn't really for other people, it's for me.

 

I'm pleased that you took the time to try and help make it better, I thank you for that, but I'm happy with it so i quit.

 

:P

 

Then I'm happy for you, Juan.

 

If the Liber has helped you to enjoy your creation more than you might have on your own, bettering it along the way, then we've done what we try to do. Ultimately, this is your writing and your Chapter, so the final say always belongs with you.

 

It has, my ultimate aim with this IA - after scrapping its previous incarnation - was to get something that is as flawless as I can make, so that I can get workable fiction from it based on the Chapter.

 

I have no illusions that it's perfect, I gave up on that once I got over desperately trying to get it in the Librarium, but I thank anyone who had even a small part in my "success".

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

'Walks in'

 

What is this nonsense? :P

 

"my ultimate aim with this IA - after scrapping its previous incarnation - was to get something that is as flawless as I can make, so that I can get workable fiction from it based on the Chapter."

 

And yet, it still has one major flaw.

 

What could it be! I hear you cry. Well, I'll tell you.

 

There is a reason why Librarium Submission - and acceptance - is so hard to attain. These are flawless chapters, works of fiction that have been made through a long period of hard work. But the end result is a chapter so real you could almost beleive in meeting one of their marines in the flesh and bone. What that marine would say on certain subjects, what he would think, feel, act, and do -- these things you would not be surprised because the Index Astartes articles submitted to the Librarium have made it real. No chapter may claim to be flawless until they can be up to that standard of writing, with that writing being forged with your hard work and dedication. In short, nothing less should ever be considered as flawless.

 

That is why I beleive it should either submitted to the Librarium or expanded further.

[Ace Debonair]

Well, I for one respect CJJ's decision to stop working on the IA: IA.

 

It's certainly a good starting point to write fiction from, and that's what he was aiming for.

Mission accomplished, you might say. ;)

 

That said, should CJJ ever wish to come back and continue on it, this IA won't be too far from potential Librarium-ship.

 

As a last note, you really ought to edit the title to indicate you don't want any more folks posting on this topic.

That way I can get the last word in. :P

[Octavulg]

"Forgive you? Forgiveness is between you and the Emperor, it is my job to arrange that meeting."

- Dreadnought-Brother Horek, before slaying the renegade Sergeant Voraad.

 

I'd recommend a dash instead of a comma.

 

The Iron Angels are of the Seventh Founding, their first appearance in Imperial records coming shortly after 659.M32. The Chapter was originally founded in response to an increase in Traitor Legion attacks in the area of space surrounding Cypra Mundi; the Iron Angels being tasked to operate as a roving force to limit damage to the valuable worlds in the region.

 

 

 

It was Captain Avorn Garr, late of the Doom Eagles Fourth Company, who would be responsible for shepherding the Iron Angels through their formative years. Garr was always noted as an Astartes who favoured discipline over all else; his intolerence of Imperial Guard regiments was cited on many occasions. When the world of Jericia was first brought to his attention Garr took it upon himself to visit the world and test its suitability as a home for a Chapter of the noble Adeptus Astartes. As a world Jericia meant nothing to the Captain, instead it was its people, and the common cause they would find with Garr, that would see him declare Jericia the home of the Iron Angels.

For a Marine as disciplined as Avorn Garr the world of Jericia was almost like a form of bliss; the people tough and hardy, disciplined beyond what he had come to expect of unaugmented Humans and following a code that the Captain could readily identify with; within days the now fledgling Iron Angels gathered upon Jericia.

 

First, Imperial Guard regiments can be very disciplined. Moreso than many Marine Chapters. Also, since Astartes is a plural (or possibly a possessive), you're better off using Marine as a singular.

 

Also also, say discipline once more. I'm not sure people got the point. :P

 

Also also also, the last sentence is a little weak. Try "For a Marine as devoted to order as Avorn Garr, the world of Jericia was almost blissfull; the people tough, hardy and disciplined in a way that he found uncommon among unaugmented humans. When the Iron Angels were ready, he lead them to Jericia, to take it as their home world." The details surrounding Marine foundings are sufficiently sketchy that trying to explain how and when they went there is...tricky.

 

Also also also also, how did Jericia come to his attention?

 

The first setback, as all Chapter must face times of hardship, for the Iron Angels was not so long in coming.

Nearly ten years after the first arrival of the Iron Angels Captain Garr was notified of the appearance of a small fleet of Adeptus Mechanicus vessel translating into normal space at the edge of the system. Thinking nothing of it Captain Garr turned out his core of Veterans, as well as those few inductees who had made it through the process of becoming Scouts, to greet the visiting Magos will honour.

Garr and his fledgling Iron Angels were not to be disappointed as a force of Praetorians were teleported to the surface as bodyguard to a Tech-Magos; a Magos bearing a demand for the confiscation of Jerician grav technology; such a demand being met by a point blank refusal from Garr, backed by the opinions of his two Sergeants.There and then a heated debate began with the eyes of the Scouts and Skitarii looking ona debate that solved and led Captain Garr to retire to his personal sanctum and meditate and for days.

 

Put full line breaks between your paragraphs.

 

You haven't introduced the grav tech yet. And it's still a really weak hook to hang a chapter on - floating cities is one thing, cities that hang onto the edge of the mountains through grav tech (as opposed to any of the dozen of easier methods possible) is just...unintuitive.

 

"We are the Adeptus Astartes, first and always servants of the Imperium and its lord, the Emperor, and I will not mar the infant history of the Iron Angels by becoming a petty tyrant. I grant this boon to the Adeptus Mechanicus but recompense must be forthcoming."

 

The intense discipline that was the core of Captain Garr made him an exceptional diplomat and negotiator, backed always by the fearsome image of an Astartes clad for war. Where dozens before him had quailed and aquiesced to the wishes of the Captain by virtue oif his physical presence, the Magos was umoved and instead was forced to bow to the pure logic of Garr's arguements.

Garr, backed with the full force of his mandate as master of a Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes, made plain a simple law: The Iron Angels are the masters of Jericia and no other, by will of the immortal Emperor of Mankind, and it was with this in mind that he made demands of his own; the Adeptus Mechanicus of the local Forgeworlds were bound in an alliance of sorts - the Iron Angels would always be at the forefront of replacement or new marks of equipment, whilst the Forgeworlds would have a debt that could be called upon, should it be needed.

 

I'm also uncomfortable with this because frankly we don't know enough about the relationship between the Astartes and the Mechanicus to be sure whether or not the Mechanicus would be right to do this. Either deal with that (likely by mentioning various treaties and such they each pointed to to support their case), or find something else - and I would lean heavily toward 'something else'.

 

It was in this way that links of iron were forged between Jericia, the Iron Angels and local Adeptus forces and it was this encounter that would herald, in the coming years, the first volume of the Tally.

 

And we don't know what the Tally is, either. Introduce things, then talk about them. I wonder where I've mentioned that principle before. ;)

 

Jericia is a world of mountains populated by a people with a level of technology only a few orders of magnitude below that of what could be found in Hives across the Imperium.

 

I'd like to introduce my old friend Morbo, who used to join me oh-so-often on IA critiques.

 

ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!

 

Thanks, Morbo.

 

An order of magnitude is ten times. Being a few orders of magnitude below the Imperium would be several thousand times below, which A) doesn't make sense and B ) seems likely to mean low.

 

There is only a single level area of land upon Jericia that is habitable; the flattened mountain range where the Fortress-Monastery of the Chapter lays. The early history of Jericia is riven by tectonic activity, forging huge mountain ranges on which the people of the world conduct their lives; be it living them out or mining for ore. Those mining operations, and some infrequent tectonic activity, have combined to cover those few level areas in toxic smog far heavier than normal air; inevitably forcing the inhabitants high up the mountains where the air is purer.

 

Why would they live on the mountain ranges originally?

 

I'd just stick to them being forced into the mountains by nasty air - no need for unusual topography, so might as well not bother (and the unusual topography doesn't really make that much sense - how would a planet end up being mostly mountain? Also, I'd recommend having the flat areas unlivable for some reason that isn't anthropogenic - otherwise, surely the people would've settled their when they first landed, eh?

 

The people of Jericia are hardy, given their environment, and are generally large and broad as a rule; though with all evolutions there are abberations. With the majority of Aspirants coming from Jerician townships, though the Iron Angels have never been adverse to recruiting from other sources, the Chapter is composed of Marines who are generally phsyically larger than the norm.

 

Their environment would make them less hardy? 'Cause that's what's implied here.

 

Don't bother mention the other sources if you're not going to explain what they are.

 

Why bother having them be physically larger? Just sounds like you're trying to make them special.

 

Jerician society is one of structure, discipline and of following the strict code enforced by all Jerician parents, with life being governed by the laws of caste and code.

Jericians each fall into a caste which determines their social station and potential for advancement; these castes include that of the Warrior, the Scholar, the Leader and more, with each divided internally so that your status within your caste is also important - it is all but impossible to rise above your caste on Jericia.

The code which all children learn is based upon the twin tenents of loyalty and honour, both of which have greater value than life to the adults of the world. Of the two loyalty is held as the highest quality, even a Warrior who is loyal beyond doubt can earn the respect of a caste-member of higher esteem.

To a Jerician loyalty encompasses many things; most importantly loyalty to township and kin is highly prized. There are myriad other forms of loyalty that outsiders find strange when they first discover, such as loyalty to caste and loyalty to Jericia - native Jericians almost never leave the planet as they find it diffcult to cope in such lax environs as those found on other Imperial worlds.

A famous Jerician proverb says "No man can take your honour, he may only slight it. Such slights must be washed free in blood." and this goes straight to the heart of the concept as held by Jericians. Honour is a very real and valuable thing to the natives, it informs them of who they are and any slights to honour often result in honour duels. As loyalty to township and kin is often placed above all, Jericians have been known to accept slights to their honour to aid their township; an event that would demand a duel of honour at any other time.

 

Again - use proper line breaks.

 

Tenets are principles, tenants are people who rent things.

 

Warriors aren't one of the higher castes? Especially considering that the world is a Space Marine one? And that they actually, y'know, fight each other?

 

So honor is important, except when it isn't? What does sacrificing one's personal honor in such a way demonstrate or produce?

 

Jericians practise a very specialised form of inter-township warfare, involving the use of a mode of personal transport that involves a pair of aerodynamic wings for gliding which, when coupled with a single-shot rocket booster for lift off, enables a Jerician Warrior to launch from the ground and glide into his target over any defensive fortifications.

This has led the Jericians to develop a fast, pinpoint, style of warfare where the head is taken before the body can react and this, like many other facets, has worked its way into the Iron Angels.

 

Though the Chapter possesses a homeworld, the Iron Angels retain a fairly powerful Fleet element including the flagship Battlebarge Foe Bane and six Strike Cruisers; this enables Companies to operate fairly independantly of eachother with two Companies usually remaining on Jericia; one to man the Fortress and the other to requip and train.

 

...I'm sorry, this whole pseudo-jump pack thing is pointless. Not only does it not add much to the Chapter, it would be incredibly dangerous and a good way to get shot. I'd strongly recommend abandoning it - it's just not interesting enough to justify even the minimal space it has here.

 

And all Astartes fight like that.

 

We put our faith in honour."

- Captain Gurak, Third Company.

 

These quotes aren't really that insightful. I'm not sure they're worth it. The first one was good, but the later ones have been lacking.

 

The Tally

The Tally is an ancient tome dating back to the founding years of the Chapter, as dear to the Iron Angels as the Chapter banner.

Few outside the Chapter know of the importance of this relic, on those few occasons that it leaves the Fortress-Monsastery it does so guarded by a cadre of Librarians and carried within the holy armour of the Landraider Sacred Oath. The only time the Tally leaves the Fortress is upon delcaration of a new debt, where all those present assemble upon the plain before the Fortress to witness the newest notation, or when a debt of honour is to be fulfilled.

Under the stewardship of Epistolary Harrn, whose sole task is the care and guardianship of the Tally, the mighty tome is currently in its fifth volume with each prior volume kept in a void-shield protected vault, where none but Epistolary Harrn and Chapter Master Virtok may lay eyes upon them.

Each of these tomes detail every debt of honour ever undertaken by the Iron Angels; from the return of fallen Battle-Brothers to fellow Chapters, to the support of entire Imperial Guard regiments. Every debt is kept in meticulous detail and only considered fulfilled when Epistolary Harrn declares it so; he is a most exacting Iron Angel, having passed over the chance to become Chief Librarian in favour of being Keeper of the Tally.

Never in the long and storied history of the Chapter has the Tally been lost, such an occurence would stain the honour of the Iron Angels beyond measure and force them to retrieve it; even from the heart of a Hive Fleet.

 

Tally really is a weak name for this. Very informal. Clashes with its evident importance. Tabula Honora, perhaps? Tabula Fidelii?

 

You manage to make it sound like it's the debts others owe to the Iron Angels in the bit about "Each of these tomes..."

 

The beliefs of the Chapter involve concepts such as honour, loyalty and faith; their way of war is directed by these beliefs and the Iron Angels draw their beliefs, in part, from those held by the people of Jericia but also from their formative under the leadership of Chapter Master Garr.

 

The Jerician code has been absorbed into the Chapter and also informs the actions of the Iron Angels upon the political and military fields of battle.

Military the Chapter enforces a strict code of behaviour; as a force of war there is no artistry displayed in its execution, there is merely a job to be done. Yet it is on the political field, a place most Iron Angels would be loath to find themselves, that they excel; few Chapters of the Adeptus Astartes possess loyalty so extreme as to be valuable. The Chapter has never sacrificed its allies, nor harmed a friend; in fact there have been occurences of harsh words between the Iron Angels and other Chapters over their allegiences and the strength of their convictions.

 

Strong people who are unbending in their loyalty and convictions do not, generally, prosper politically. People don't like them. Not least because they're usually jerks.

 

Though the Iron Angels draw much from their homeworld, there are some elements that have not made their way into the Chapter such as the caste system. The Iron Angels, like every other Chapter, operate the system of meritocracy whereby the person with the skill is given the job - even the lowliest Scout can become Chapter Master if he possesses the right aptitude.

In the past the leaders of the towships have sought to prevent all but the Warrior caste being drawn for recruitment, but each time a squad of Astartes arrives to question such ideas they fall apart; it is hard to tempt the wrath of a Space Marine when he stands before you. Though it should be noted that, of those drawn from Jericia, the majority of recruits are from the Warrior caste, possessing as they do the mental and physical toughness to endure the process.

 

So they're a lot like their home world, except when they're not...

 

Why haven't these beliefs encroached into the Chapter when the views on honor have? Why'd those make it in, anyway?

 

The loyalty of the Chapter is a complex thing in its entirety, but to the outsider appears very simple; loyalty is first and foremost between Squad and Company much in the way a Jerician feels towards kind and township. To an Iron Angel the highest loyalty is always to the Emperor and to the Chapter his word is law in a far more real way than most Chapters or Imperial Citizens may adhere to; it is to be obeyed in all circumstances.

 

So what must they think of the way the Imperium works now?

 

Typically the Iron Angels do not field Tactical or Devastator Squads, though they possess the capacity to do so, instead the bulk of the Chapters strength lays in its Assault Squads which are often supported by Landspeeder squadron and Scout squads used to pinpoint high priority targets for forward elements to neutralise or capture.

 

The one doctrine that the Iron Angels favour above all others is that of massed Assault squads supported by a smaller number of specialists; though there are divergences even from this, such as First Captain Baan and his preference for mechanized assaults.

The one are where the Chapter has never really excelled, or been tested by a competent foe, has been in the realm of siege warfare. This is agressive and assault orientated mindset is not suited for fortifying or breaking down emplacements.

 

All Battle-Brothers, from the newly incuted to the Chapter Master, are trained to use a jump pack in accordance with the typical method of warfare of the Iron Angels and the inherent training of the Jerician Warrior caste using powered gliders. On occasions when such methods are impossible or inadvisable, however, the training that each Brother recieves in a secondary role comes into effect; for example Heavy Weapons training to form a Devastator Squad.

 

Within a Chapter so obsessed with loyalty, it should come as no surprise that some Iron Angels have been known to ignore the orders of their superior officers and try to save fallen comrades, even such an act is not tatically viable. Though such instances are dealt with in the harshest manner, behind closed doors the Iron Angels will laud the would-be savior for his loyalty to his brothers.

 

Why would they specialize in an aspect of warfare that's arguably less effective? Much of the strength of the Space Marines lies in their flexibility - why lose that?

 

Since they're supposed to be loyal to their company above their squad, surely such behavior is dishonorable...

 

Above all the Companies of the Iron Angels lays the Chapter Masters Household, a force of approximately forty men, which consists of Veteran Brothers, Chapter Specialists and certain promising Battle-Brothers; such a practise is much like that of wealthy Jerician families with retainers on hand.

The First Company numbers around eighty veterans and unlike a standard Veteran Company does use the Chapters few suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armour; that role reserved instead for the Chapter Masters Household.

The Second through Ninth Companies are organised as standard Battle Companies, though the Sixth, Seventh and Eighth are the Iron Angels Reserve, with each Battle-Brother trained to use a jump pack as well as in a secondary speciality.

The Ninth Company are known as the 'Headhunters' following a short and bloody campaign upon Drazshan, and are perhaps the most barbarous and savage of all the Iron Angels as most of the Brothers are drawn from the neighbouring Vaskis Cluster; with its famed Deathworlds and barbaric tribes. Following the Drazshan Campaign the Ninth replaced its standard Combat Blade with a small handaxe as a symbol of their savagry and were given the honour of becoming a Battle Company for the exemplary leadership displayed by Captain Warq, with the Sixth taking their place in the Reserve.

The Tenth is still responsible for training Scouts, however there is approximately a seventy-five/twenty-five split between the percentage of new and Veteran Scouts; with these teams assigned on a semi-permanent basis to a Company.

 

This stuff is never interesting. Cut it.

 

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank Octavulg,Grey Hunter Ydalir, Ace Debonair, Ecritter and many others for their support and aid in making this IA what it is!

 

Thanks. <_<

 

* * *

 

Right now they're more quirky than characterful. Picture how they think and act in your mind, and how their home world acts. Then explore the logical consequences of that - what makes them tick, how they see the Imperium, themselves, warfare, etc, and why.

 

I'd recommend losing the technical aspects - they're mostly needless, and the Chapter's a better use of your efforts anyway.

 

You have yet to really get into what the Chapter is, how they work, how they think, why they are the way they are. Work on it. Good luck. :cuss

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Ah the good old days when I really used the Liber!

 

I've decided to come back to this and work on it again, more thoroughly, although not until I get home from work tomorrow when I'll have access to all my old material!

 

So stay tuned folks.. I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack :)

[Argon]

Ah the good old days when I really used the Liber!

 

I've decided to come back to this and work on it again, more thoroughly, although not until I get home from work tomorrow when I'll have access to all my old material!

 

So stay tuned folks.. I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack :)

 

That's it. We're all going to die now. :)

 

 

Welcome back, Captain.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Well, I for one respect CJJ's decision to stop working on the IA: IA.

 

I do, or rather I did. <_<

 

That is why I beleive it should either submitted to the Librarium or expanded further.

 

It's not what he has to expand, it's what he has to cut. It's when there is nothing left to take away that an article really stands on it's own.

 

As an aside, you can only bang on about the flawlessness of the IA's in the Librarium in reference to someone else's work when you yourself have successfully submitted one.

 

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank Octavulg,Grey Hunter Ydalir, Ace Debonair, Ecritter and many others for their support and aid in making this IA what it is!

 

I haven't commented here in a fair while but now that you're back working on the Iron Angels I will definitely be back to help if I can. Feel free to give me a PM if you need anything as well.

[Octavulg]

As an aside, you can only bang on about the flawlessness of the IA's in the Librarium in reference to someone else's work when you yourself have successfully submitted one.

 

No, you can't. Then you just look like an arrogant jerk. :huh:

 

That said, the IAs in the Librarium are not flawless. Some are badly written. Some are far too long. Some are cliched and trite. Standards have changed over time and varied from Lexicanum to Lexicanum. And even if you get something that every Lexicanum ever would have approved of, there will still be someone who wouldn't.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

No, you can't. Then you just look like an arrogant jerk.

 

You know exactly what I was trying to say there boyo. :huh:

[Octavulg]

...

 

I really don't. :huh:

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Well damn it all.

 

What I was trying to say is that you shouldn't reference how you think IA's in the Librarium are held to such a high standard, and then point to how someone else's work isn't, or that they should work harder to attain that goal when the person pointing all this out has not attained any sort of higher standard of work than the person they are commenting on.

 

In any case, I support CJJ. Case closed.

[Octavulg]

Why not? Anyone can comment on anything. My opinion of a work does not correlate with my ability to reproduce that work.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

This is going to go fairly off topic if we get into a discussion.

 

That said, just because you can doesn't mean you should. I just don't think you can use your place as a critic of someone else's work to put theirs up against something that is widely accepted as excellent and/or 'flawless' just by comparison.

 

Yes you can advise certain articles to read to be shown how something is supposed to be written or what yours could look like with a bit of work, but that's a suggestion, not a side-by-side comparison. To say that another persons work is flawless when commenting on a third party's article is a little unhelpful. It speaks more of 'yours isn't as good as that' rather than 'gain some inspiration and structure from that'.

 

And that's my final word, not going to get drawn into a discussion (any more than I have, damn you Octavulg! :( ) in someone else's topic.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Discuss away lads, I find this rather entertaining - in a non-car crash viewing kind of way!

 

 

On the other side of the IA-related coin, I'm thinking a drastic rewrite is needed; the whole anti-grav thing adds a nice interesting hook, but it isn't as wel founded as I'd hope looking back on it. In fact I'm sure everything can be stripped away and redone, but I intend to keep how the homeworld works and their style of combat.

 

Keep watching the skis!

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

So it's back to the drawing board eh? Well sometimes it's the healthiest option.

 

It's not as if it's something I do every few months with all my chapters or anything.... ;)

 

Keep watching the skis!

 

I don't have any skis to watch. Is this some metaphor for life based on the snowy winter sport of standing on two planks of wood and aiming oneself downhill?

[Captain Juan Juarez]

"Keep watching the skis" is a reference to a Simpsons episode, ol' son!

 

 

 

I've come to the conclusion, following lengthy pondering on the critique of Master Octavulg that the Iron Angels in this incarnation are not really going anywhere, so I have decided to rip out the guts and play mad scientist.

 

As I eat this Curry Pot Noodle - Google is your friend here folks - I have hit upon a way to tie in most aspects of the Chapter using two central themes; the Homeworld and the Beliefs.

 

THe Homeworld will be left as is, with a world of mostly mountains and the society will be split in two; the mountain conclaves inhabited by more advanced people, with those places in the valleys and few plains are left to the more "backward" tribes.

 

The Beliefs centre around the Dream; that how the Chapter acts - in terms of service and slaughter - matters not, for this is all but a prelude to the real work ahead (I haven't explained that as well as I wanted, but I've rather lost the words). These beliefs have slowly been drawn into the Chapter as more and more it is proven that the tribes provide the most suitable aspirants - so as the core of the Chapter is drawn from the tribes so their beliefs become more strongly linked.

 

It also allows me, should I feel I can get the idea across properly, to have the Chapter guided - in part - by it's Librarians; using their gifts to "pierce the Dream" and allow the Chapter to complete a part of the Emperor's real design.

 

Thoughts?

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

I think it could work, it's something interesting to be sure.

 

Really for me I think this entire endeavor is now going to hinge on how well you construct and explain the belief in the dream. It may sound obvious but the fact is that because their beliefs tie in so bloody strongly with their homeworld (something I'm also dealing with for my Blazing Sons) means that the two can't function without one another in this context.

 

Also the fact that this belief could only have come from the tribes they recruit from, again I seem to be stating the obvious but sometimes you need to work through the obvious to find all the kinks.

 

I'm also fairly intrigued by this 'dreaming', I like the idea.

 

it actually inspired me to think of the Dreamtime, the Australian Aboriginal creation myth. Maybe something for another time.

 

As I eat this Curry Pot Noodle

 

Emperor's chosen food that is. ;)

 

"Keep watching the skis" is a reference to a Simpsons episode, ol' son!

 

You know I probably should have picked that up, but work makes one very tired and I didn't see beyond the words in front of me. I feel rather dense now. ;)

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I had the "Dream" thought weeks ago, never noted it down though.. Hence the half-assed explanation.

 

The main points that come across to my mind for the Dream are:

 

It makes the Chapter seem aloof; they are unwilling to commit to an action until a Librarian (Dream Walker?) pierces the veil of the Great Dream.

 

They will fight any battle, even those best left unfought if it is determined by a Librarian to be part of the Emperor's will.

 

The will not retreat, the Chapter would not blink twice at suffering losses that another might consider overwhelming because they believe that this "life" is nothing more than a prelude.

 

Thos are the main points that come to mind, but I know more will present themselves as I work harder on it.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

First Attempt.

 

Homeworld

"Where you come from matters not. You will become as Jericia; cold, hard and unforgiving."

- Apothecary Hirrn.

 

The Chapter calls Jericia their home, the world lying between Cypra Mundi and Mordia.

 

Jericia is a world of mountains and valleys ,with the only significantly sized level area of land being the flattened mountain range where the Fortress-Monastery of the Chapter lays. The early history of Jericia is riven by tectonic activity, forging huge mountain ranges and significant valleys where the peoples of the world struggle to live out their lvies in service to the Imperium and the Chapter.

 

When the tectonic activity below the surface of the planet reached it pique, it inadvertantly set back the progress of the then unified Jerician population by generations; both in terms of population level and advancement.

As their once stable homeland finally set itself to rights, forming its current topography of mountain chains and valleys, so did another great change sweep through the core of Jerician society; some of the populace felt the call of the wilds and, as they had in ages past, turned to the wilderness to survive and build their lives. Those Houses who left to being their new lives were ostracized and at times even hunted by those who remained to rebuild the society they had always known.

As generations past, both strata of society went their own ways down the evolutionary track; the more civilized townsfolk developed less physically and advanced their more mental and emotional abilities - some suggest such evolution preceeded a wave of psyker activity upon the planet, but this has always been denied. The tribes were the opposite; their mental abilites keeping to a level of what was required, they were more cunning than intelligent but their physical prowess more than made up for these deficiencies when living in the wilds.

 

It is an interesting note, both in terms of the Chapter and the world as a whole, that those tribes are by far more the openminded of both aspects of society. Where a noble or other townsman might be possessing either superstistion or arrogance as to who and what he is, the followers of the Dream are far more receptive to new ideas and teachings, contrary to other barborous cililizations that the various Chapters of the Astartes have drawn from.

 

Over the course of centuries, that pique of physical being has slowly worked its way into the Chapter; at last census the ratio of tribesmen/mountain dwellers with the Chapter was almost 3:1; The physical toughness of a life eked out in almost barren terrain lending itself well to the traumas of survivng initiation into a Chapter of the Astartes. It by no means suggests that those who dwell in the mountain townships are unsuited for service, merely that their comparitively easier lives mean that they do no possess the across the board physical toughness of the tribesmen or the ingrained mental openess found on those of the plains.

 

Perhaps the biggest impact that Jericia and its inhabitants have had on the Iron Angels is in their belief system, the slow intake of a greater number of tribesmen alos bringing with it their cultural beliefs; some of which, like the Dream, have taken such a stronghold within the Chapter that they form part of its core.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

And thus on seventh day there was Bump.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Native Jericians fall into two categories; the mountain dwelling townships hosting the more advanced and civilized Jericians, whilst in the valleys live those who reverted back to their tribal ancestory during the tectonic activity. The people of Jericia are goverened by their environment, even a mountain dwelling nobleman would prove as tough as any other inhabitant of the Imperium, yet it is the tribes of the valleys that show the physical peak of Jerician fitness; being as tough and deadly as any Imperial Guard Veteran.

 

I like Jericia - it's actually very similar to the Homeworld for my Bloodsworn - but I feel your doing a little too much to prove how wonderful your homeworld's population is. Space Marines recruit from tough people, end of story. Just about all chapters recruit the best for their chapter and from similarly tough cultures, bar a quirky few.

 

What I want to know is more about the people, the culture and society built up by both the mountain dwellers and the lower valley tribes. That is far more interesting to me than hearing how comperable they are in fighting ability or brawn to an Imperial Guard veteran.

 

Even if they are that good, their children aren't and those are what the chapter takes. More on what makes these people who they are and less on what they are. We know the latter well enough already.