The Battle for the Axe

[Chapter Master Taruth]

Chapter I:

Now with the Iron Brotherhood numbering 3 full companies and the 4th around half strength the chief sorcerer now realised what the artefact that he found back when they were loyalist was, this was after a few months of hard study. He found that if he had read it right it would lead to a very powerful daemon weapon called Soul Crusher. The only problem was now that their base was fully fortified and they had a fairly strong battle force they lacked ships though they had two Strike Cruisers and five gladius class frigates in their fleet but really they needed another Strike Cruiser because the two Strike Cruisers were tied up raiding and building the chapter to five full companies of marines and taking small ships like the frigates and two Strike Cruisers to serve five companies of marines is just not enough. So the chapter carried on as the sorcerer informed the chapter master of his findings. This sparked an idea that was very risky but if it worked the Iron Brotherhood would gain another Strike Cruiser but if it failed the Iron Brotherhood would lose its entire fleet that they would try and take a strike cruiser. Taruth, Chapter Master of the Iron Brotherhood ordered Sergeant Belluck and his squad to try and find the easiest target they would be able to get.

As Sergeant Belluck walked in answering the summons of the Chapter Master Taruth, Belluck spoke.

“We have received reports that there is a small lightly defended research station which a strike

cruiser and its fleet will stop off at on its way to the Astus system.”

“Good, have the 1st and 2nd company take the fleet to take the Strike Cruiser, also tell the chief sorcerer Calus that I want him and another sorcerer to accompany the fleet.”

“Yes my lord.” As Belluck started to walk to the door Taruth said after him.

“No survivors.”

“As you wish” With that Belluck walked of to get a land speeder to take to the sorcerer's section on the base of the Iron Brotherhood.

Upon arriving outside the biggest tower of them all Belluck entered and began climbing the central stairway to the private section of the tower. The reason the tower was so big is because the bigger the tower the more power of the higher rank you are. As soon as the Sergeant got outside the door to the private rooms a voice came from inside.

“Enter” So the Sergeant entered the room and relayed what Taruth wanted of the Sorcerer Calus.

“I have told the sorcerer who will be accompanying me and take me to the nearest port to take me to The Iron Storm once on board the ships and all was ready the fleet set of through the warp to the research station in the hope that they will be there long before the loyalists.

 

Chapter II:

The Iron Brotherhood's fleet came out of the warp close to the research station and within 10 minutes had opened fire upon it. After an hour of exchanging fire between the 2 sides the traitors struck a lethal blow and the station was blown to apart leaving only debris. Now that the station was destroyed the traitors took the fleet down to minimal power so that the loyalists when they arrive don't detect them until it was too late.

After a couple of hours of waiting the loyalist fleet came out of the warp and they were greeted by scenes of an entirely one sided battle, finding only debris of where the station used to be. As the loyalists came closer to where the traitors were staying there was a lot more chance of being detected. When the loyalists where as close as the commander of the Iron Brotherhood's fleet dared he ordered the attack. The chaos fleet moved quickly with the few gladius frigates they had flying towards their loyalist counter parts but caught by surprise the gladius' caused mass destruction upon the loyalists. Meanwhile The Hunter went to the left of the loyalist strike cruiser and The Iron Storm to the right, the two ships deployed everything they had to get half the 1st and 2nd companies on to the strike cruiser. The gladius' having quickly dispatched the small amount of escort vessels travelling in the loyalist fleet flew back out of range so that if the loyalist crews did blow the ship they would remain undamaged. Once The Iron Storm and The Hunter had finished their job they joined the frigates and returned home.

On board the loyalist strike cruiser the traitor’s from the firs company had deployed and set up defensive positions guarding important parts of the ship a few squads of the very elite were mobile and these reaped a bloody toll on the defenders as they were less experienced than their chaos attackers. The first target that was taken was the engine section so the loyalists could not now blow the ship easily. With that area secure 2 squads from the 1st company secured that area and fortified it. Most of the first company went for the bridge, while systematically working through the ship and cutting down all resistance in their path.

The Hunter and The Iron Storm had now broken away and returned home. Back on board the Storm Claws now unable to blow the ship to prevent it from falling to chaos, had been split into groups that now fought to stave of the marines that had boarded now realising that defeat was inevitable the Storm Claws sold their lives to the Emperor as they were cut down by the Iron Brotherhood. With victory theirs the Iron Brotherhood named their new ship The Steel Warrior set of back to their base. Where they planned for their next raid to help further strengthen their chapter and its fleet.

[Walter Payton]

It is good, but words like strike cruiser need to be capitalised

[Chapter Master Taruth]

Chapter III:

Now with another available ship the chapter master ordered the ships back to normal duties as well as the 1st company. The third company though with the chapter master and chief sorcerer boarded The Steel Warrior and set off to where the sorcerer believed the daemon weapon was the System Rakitus. Upon arriving at the edge of the system the Iron Brotherhood discovered that on the planet they were heading to had there new found enemies the Storm Claws already on the planet fighting off an ork waaagh, remaining on the edge of the system the Iron Brotherhood set up an outpost on the planet Rakitus IX the planet closest to the edge of the system. Taruth then set about hiding the traitor’s forward base and outpost the only base of operations one outside of their main base. With an adequate outpost set up Calus called for an attack fleet to come and aid them. Lying in wait for the reinforcements to arrive the marines remained in the outskirts of the system hiding from the loyalists. Once the attack fleet dropped out of the warp the marines launched their attack. The Gladius class frigates hitting home against the small fleet of the Storm Claws. After a couple of hours of hit and run against the Strike Cruiser it finally succumbed to the Gladius' attacks and was completely destroyed. With the ship destroyed and knowing that the loyalists got a call for aid out. The Traitors deployed one squad led by the third company captain Malus. The third company went back to their outpost and began to fortify it and make it a powerful base of operations but to remain hidden as now they had adapted to stealth and espionage instead of siege warfare.

Captain Malus was told by Calus where the weapon should be and so went through the city. At one point along the path their was a loyalist squad travelling nearby and Squad Malus ambush training they had to their advantage advanced to a got ambushing point and waited. Within minutes the loyalists where in the middle of where Malus wanted them. He stood up and roared

“Death to the false emperor!” as soon as Malus had stood up the traitors had opened fire killing the loyalist squad with ease. As the traitors advanced they saw a huge Cathedral dominating the skyline, Malus knew what he wanted was there.

The traitors entered the cathedral and the 6 marines still alive started destroying the images and other things relating to the Emperor and killing the ecclesiarchy present. Meanwhile Captain Malus set off to the middle and on the ground right in the centre was a slab that was slightly out of place with the rest of the building so Malus stabbed his power sword straight down till it couldn't go down any further then withdrew it and turned it off. After this the slab melted away to reveal a chest taking this chest and restoring order to the rest of the squad withdrew from the planet looting the weapons from the loyalist squad.

The fleet of the Iron Brotherhood returned back to their main base to find that the 4th company was now at full strength and that they now had another 3 Gladius frigates and 14 hunter Class destroyers in their fleet. So they deployed the growing 5th company which was at around a quarter strength to their base on Retarus IX and told to defend the planet at all costs and to build the outpost there but to keep it hidden. From there the 5th company would receive the rest of the company slowly as more marines were created.

[Chapter Master Taruth]

Chapter IV

Now with a capable fleet and several companies the Iron Brotherhood turned its attention to slowly destroying the Storm Claws. With the sorcerers of the Iron Brotherhood trying to discover what planet the map shows. With plans set the 2nd company landed on a planet in an asteroid belt close to the Astus system making this the third base in controlled by the Iron Brotherhood.

The Iron Brotherhood sent out agents to hunt down the Storm Claws and their bases and troop movements. The agents sent out found the chance they had been looking for when the orks in the Trixus System launched an attack on a newly liberated planet by the Storm Claws. This attack caused the Storm Claws to send a battle barge with 2 full companies to retake the planet and to defend the marines still on the ground. The Iron Brotherhood struck with the aim of taking the battle barge and therefore stranding the marines on the ground till more aid arrived. Once the traitors arrived they quickly deployed everything they had to put the entire 1st and 4th company on to the loyalist ship.

Once on board the first company headed to the back half of the ship specifically the engine sector to stop the loyalists from destroying the ship. Meanwhile the 4th company deployed to stop any counter attack to take the back half of the battle barge. Whist the traitor fleet withdrew to their base, the first company finished off all loyalists in the back half of the ship. So the 4th company slowly moved forward systematically combing the ship for any loyalists and the 1st company went for a direct assault against the bridge. The 4th company split to take the other command sections still with most of it combing through the ship. The first company took quite heavy casualties while the loyalists took even more casualties and were being forced back closer to the bridge and the 1st company set up a defensive ring around the bridge while the 4th took the rest of the ship. Once this was done the 1st and 4th joined and went for an all out assault against the bridge the 2 companies took light losses and the enemy was utterly destroyed. Now with a battle barge the Iron Brotherhood returned to their tiny empire to deal with the massive amount of equipment they now had. Finally with a battle barge the traitors renamed it The Divine Warrior and now they had three bases fully fortified, two of them hidden and a sizeable fleet the Iron Brotherhood was ready to take on the Storm Claws head on. Striking where there was any opening and then disappearing back to their bases to build up even further.

[Chapter Master Taruth]

Chapter V

Shortly after starting to making plans to attack the home world of the Storm Claws the sorcerers discovered where this Daemon weapon was hidden, it was on the home world of the Storm Claws so the Iron Brotherhood mobilized a fleet The Divine also the 6 gladius and 14 hunters. The traitors took 3 companies and set off for the home world of the Storm Claws.

Meanwhile the 5th company took The Steel Warrior and raided a planet taking many more people to replenish the 5 companies and enough to form half a company. So they formed the 6th company and it was half full.

When the Iron Brotherhood fleet came out of the warp they took up blockade positions around the planet as there was no fleet in orbit. Two hours after the arrival of the Iron Brotherhood deployed the 3rd and 4th company from The Divine Warrior to take two key cities on the planet. With the bases established the 1st company deployed from The Divine Warrior onto the planet striking a blow to the storm claws by besieging an important outpost on the planet. Fighting was fierce as the Storm Claws fought to break free of the Iron Brotherhood's grip, but the traitors were heavily entrenched and after each charge were beaten back bloodily. Now with two of the Storm Claws companies trapped in their outposts the 3rd and 4th took up siege positions around the main base of the Storm Claws. With many of the loyalists in the outposts new to the chapter they were weak willed towards the sorcerous powers the Iron Brotherhood used and many turned and joined the traitors. The 1st company took up their positions around the main base of the Storm Claws with the main base completely surrounded the Iron Brotherhood used its sorcerers to punch massive holes in the walls. Now with the huge holes in the walls the three companies advanced through the walls to destroy the remaining defenders. Combing through the fortress monastery the Iron Brotherhood quickly slaughtering the remaining defenders as they had split into factions most joining the Iron Brotherhood others fought in for the emperor. Meanwhile the Taruth led his squad down to a cave system under the fortress monastery. Where the traitors found a large chamber with a axe floating in the middle. The Chapter Master Taruth claimed this daemon weapon for himself, as he knew it was what he had hunted for ages Soul Crusher.

 

Epilogue

The Storm Claws had been broken up into the few small companies that were left. While the Iron Brotherhood with its fleet and seven full battle companies available to them with lots more equipment for Iron Brotherhood that they looted from the attack on the Storm Claws home world. On their main base the Iron Brotherhood based the first five companies on their planet and the other two on to their outposts. The Iron Brotherhood’s fleet now with one battle barge, 3 strike cruisers, 6 gladius frigates and 14 hunter destroyers, the Iron Brotherhood was now a force to be reckoned with.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

The following is criticism, so be warned.

 

 

I have read the first paragraph or two of the first Chapter and I can't really read any further in because the style of the narrative just doesn't work for me.. If I read it aloud it sounds the same as you would read a shopping list, bland and monotone.

 

You need to have a rethink about how you describe or even what you describe; is it so important that you describe how many full Companies there are or how many frigate they have? Why not call them half strength or say they have a small, yet capabable, fleet?

 

Also, the language used seems fairly inform - such as "Shortly after...", as dragged from the last section added.

 

 

I rarely comment on stories here anymore, just because I can only usually think of criticisms. but this one really stands out for the reason listed above.