Brotherhood of Broken Faith

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

This chapter was based on a failed attempt to sculpt a star of Chaos. It resulted in the SoB symbol, but with one of the curves being broken off (or so it appeared). So I decided to expand that into this chapter.

 

Origins

 

Was created during the Thirteenth founding, using the geneseed of Vulkan. They were created due to a growing amount of Chaos Forces gathering in the Eye of Terror, and were known then as the Chosen of the Emperor. Their Chapter Master, Owniasa, was a proud captain of the Salamanders, famed for his love of humanity and hatred towards the malign forces of Chaos that wished to defile the Emperors people.

 

 

It was this beleif that was shattered when he was captured by a sorceror from the Black Legion. That sorceror had been present during the Seige of Terra, and had heard of how the Empror had been eternally preserved on the Golden Throne.

He knew, as a high ranking member from Horus's legion, that the body still decayed while the mind was preserved. And he told this all to Owniasa, so that he might gain a mighty champion to fight for him.

 

But while Owniasa saw the truth in the Sorceror's words, he knew that Chaos was still wrong. He knew that it deeply perverted humanity and that it was malign, and because of that it should never be followed.

 

Upon reaching this epiphany, his warriors broke into the ship, and rescued Owniasa. But he shared his revelations wwith them.

 

He saw their morale degrade at this. Their chaplains words sounded empty and hollow, and the Ecclessiarchy's differences in belief made them see that they were using the masses to profit themselves. But it also profitted humanity.

 

It gave Humankind hope. Yes, it was wrong, yes, it was petty, but it gave humanity the strength to fight and survive. It gave Guardsmen a reason to die to save their platoon, it kept astartes from falling to Chaos. It fueled the Mechanicus, and it justified the Inquisition. It was essential to the survival of the Imperium, and they knew they could not upset that balance.

 

And so they renamed themselves.. but that was known only by the Ordos. They changed their symbol, but worked entirely on their own so that no one would no. They served the Ordos now, for they knew the truth and they took the same path that the chapter did.

 

Orginization

 

 

Although they follow standard Codex orginization, instead of Chaplains they have Higher Powers, but to anyone outside the chapter the are simply known as HPs. They have the armour and appearance of chaplains, but they have far less responsibilities and much less respect. They are called Higher Powers because they moniter the chapter for corruption, much like the Brotherhood moniters humanity for Chaos. The title was bestowed to eternally mock them and those who represent faith in a false god, as they bear the only signs of the Aquila in the entire chapter, in the form of their Crozious Arcanums.

 

This has not gone unnoticed by the Inquisition, but they dare not destroy the chapter. The reason for this is that the Brotherhood's loyalty and desire to protect humanity is beyond doubt, but if the Inquisition failed to completely destroy the chapter the survivors could (and would) destroy the Imperiums faith in the Emperor the same way the first Chapter Master destroyed theirs.

 

 

 

Beliefs

The Brotherhood has absolutely zero faith in the Emperor, but still protects humanity. They beleive that he is nothing more than a rotting corpse creating the Astrominiacon, and a symbolic icon for the masses, but little else. Because of that they have Wardens in the place of chaplains, to keep the chapter to falling to Chaos, and do not do anything religous. They hold chapters like the Black Templars in contempt, and despise the Ecclessiarchy.

 

The only thing keeping them from destruction is an extremely close relationship with the three Ordos that was there before the schism that changed their beliefs to the above. Although they are still heavily monitered, they are mostly used as a force that they Ordos can call upon to do their will. The only thing that differentiates between them and the Grey Knights/Deathwatch is that they usually operate on a much larger scale, geneseed and orginization.

 

 

Geneseed

 

That of Vulkan, for they feel a deep desire to protect humanity and keep the horrors of Chaos from destroying it.

 

 

Any big problems so far?

[Ace Debonair]

Problems withthe points as listed:

 

1. Seems alright, I guess. I wasn't sure about the chaplain thing, but I think I see where you're going.

 

2. This will depend a lot on what you write. It might work, it might not. Hopefully you can turn this idea into something really good!

 

3. Why an unknown geneseed?

Also, losing faith in the codex for the given reason sounds kind of silly. "We don't like the Emperor anymore so let's disown his son's work on military protocol that also happens to dictate pretty much everything about our way of life" is what you've got at the moment.

 

I'm not saying you couldn't disown the Codex, but you're going to have to think up a good reason.

 

Anyway, good luck with this one. And with your Iron Gauntlet chapters, too. (Whatever happened to them, anyway?)

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

What happened to the two Iron Gauntlet chapters? I submitted them and am waiting for a response. There didn't seem to be any more I could expand on, even after I went back to it a week later, so I assume that the Lords of Shadow seem to be worthy, although not so sure about the Vengeance. I will probably go back and redo that chapter later, but right now I am working on the Four.

 

1 and 2: Ok, I will expand heavily on those.

 

3. Ok, I see where you are going. I will remove the codex lacking trust bit.

 

Unknown geneseed is more of because I don't know what geneseed I should grab. I am looking at Salamanders right now though, love for humanity and all.

 

Will expand later.

[Leonaides]

So who indoctrinates the new marines into the chapters way of thinking? Chaplains usually. They dont have to be Emperor-botherers. Even the Word Bearers still have Chaplains (Dark Apostles, but same thing).

 

The job Chaplains do would still need doing. maybe even more so as you say they dont venerate the Emperor at all - whats to stop them falling to Chaos? Who's looking after thier morale? Who do the marines turn to when they have doubts about why they should do what they do? Do not do anything religious? Like what? No ceremonies related to their creation? Or their epiphany when they realise what the Emperor really is? Or celebrate major victories? What is religious, and what isnt? Would these tasks still not need a Chaplain?

 

And as the grey Knnights and Deathwatch are so dis-similar, exactly how can your chapter be the same as both of them - except they do it on a larger scale?????

 

Sorry if this is throwing a wrench into your plans, but it looks like a currently badly-thought-out mish-mash to me.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

So who indoctrinates the new marines into the chapters way of thinking? Chaplains usually. They dont have to be Emperor-botherers. Even the Word Bearers still have Chaplains (Dark Apostles, but same thing).

 

The job Chaplains do would still need doing. maybe even more so as you say they dont venerate the Emperor at all - whats to stop them falling to Chaos? Who's looking after thier morale? Who do the marines turn to when they have doubts about why they should do what they do? Do not do anything religious? Like what? No ceremonies related to their creation? Or their epiphany when they realise what the Emperor really is? Or celebrate major victories? What is religious, and what isnt? Would these tasks still not need a Chaplain?

 

And as the grey Knnights and Deathwatch are so dis-similar, exactly how can your chapter be the same as both of them - except they do it on a larger scale?????

 

Sorry if this is throwing a wrench into your plans, but it looks like a currently badly-thought-out mish-mash to me.

 

 

I see where you are going.

 

The Grey Knights thing, that was me doing a wording FAIL. I will try to come back to that later.

[Ferrata]

If the current background is to go on, and the Salamander black skin and glowing eyes are genetic defects then your chapter cannot have Vulkan seed without these. If you don't know which to chose, take Ultramarine.

 

The only thing keeping them from destruction is an extremely close relationship with the three Ordos that was there before the schism that changed their beliefs to the above. Although they are still heavily monitered, they are mostly used as a force that they Ordos can call upon to do their will. The only thing that differentiates between them and the Grey Knights/Deathwatch is that they usually operate on a much larger scale, and are rarely used secretively.

Read Tyrak's Guide on the Inquisition (now in the DIY Guide) but nothing is going to save a chapter that goes around saying that The Emperor is "rotting corpse". Not to believe he is a god - fine. To say he is a rotting corpse - not fine (especially since they admit he makes the Astrominiacon). Also, Chaplains aren't just about religion, they are therapists to marines as well. Those that choose whether a recruit is good or bad. Those that keep the marines sane. Having an atheist chapter is fine, but it needs a little more work.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

If the current background is to go on, and the Salamander black skin and glowing eyes are genetic defects then your chapter cannot have Vulkan seed without these. If you don't know which to chose, take Ultramarine.

 

The only thing keeping them from destruction is an extremely close relationship with the three Ordos that was there before the schism that changed their beliefs to the above. Although they are still heavily monitered, they are mostly used as a force that they Ordos can call upon to do their will. The only thing that differentiates between them and the Grey Knights/Deathwatch is that they usually operate on a much larger scale, and are rarely used secretively.

Read Tyrak's Guide on the Inquisition (now in the DIY Guide) but nothing is going to save a chapter that goes around saying that The Emperor is "rotting corpse". Not to believe he is a god - fine. To say he is a rotting corpse - not fine (especially since they admit he makes the Astrominiacon). Also, Chaplains aren't just about religion, they are therapists to marines as well. Those that choose whether a recruit is good or bad. Those that keep the marines sane. Having an atheist chapter is fine, but it needs a little more work.

Ah, but they don't go around proclaiming it. They see the value of it psycologically, and thus hold their peace.

 

The Salamanders thing... was done by Mat Ward. I think everyone in the Liber will agree it would be best to ignore what Mat Ward has written dealing with certain marine chapters.

 

I got the idea about the Chaplains, and I will probably rename the chaplains and give them a different role, the role of 'therapists' to the Marines. I will probably call them Wardens. Or shrinks :rolleyes:

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Edited and added to.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Again, added an orginization section. I believe it may become controversial :tu:

[Leonaides]

So let me get this straight - chapter master Bob is captured, and told the big E is a rotting husk (but still with an intact mind), and decides that that means E is not worth any respect. And the guys who make sure your chapter stays on the straight and narrow are not respected at all? The ones who are trusted with the power to have any brother executed for heresy. The ones who must remain pure themselves (otherwise they could execute many good marines before they might be found out). Why do you still have Wardens as well as Higher Powers...?

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

So let me get this straight - chapter master Bob is captured, and told the big E is a rotting husk (but still with an intact mind), and decides that that means E is not worth any respect. And the guys who make sure your chapter stays on the straight and narrow are not respected at all? The ones who are trusted with the power to have any brother executed for heresy. The ones who must remain pure themselves (otherwise they could execute many good marines before they might be found out). Why do you still have Wardens as well as Higher Powers...?

Wardens? What are Wardens?

 

Eh, wrong. Bob gets told Emperor is rotting husk (due to the nature of truth, he realizes it is true). The Chaplains are not respected, because they follow a false faith. They don't get the power you described - the captains and the chapter master have power over who lives and dies. The Higher Powers can advise them, but ultimately the decision is up to the captains and the chapter master.

[Leonaides]

I have no idea what Warden asre - but they're in the second line of your Beliefs segment and apparently replace Chaplains...

 

Your Chaplains are marines before they are Chaplains. So how do they end up being the only ones who rediscover their faith? Though the way you've written it, it looks like they dont believe in the Emperor - so why arent they respected, when they share the views of the rest of the chapter?

 

And why might I think its your Higher Powers who do the judging?

 

"They are called Higher Powers because they moniter the chapter for corruption, much like the Brotherhood moniters humanity for Chaos" - Presumably when your brotherhood finds corrupt/chaos-worshiping humans they kill them, not go running to the Inquisition to go and get a warrant signed...?

[XKhalilX]

DAT, this chapter makes hardly any sense to put it bluntly. Each IA is entitled to some mystery and some leeway within the CONFINES OF 40K. You have a pattern of making your chapters super marine above other marines. This is not unique but the lazy way out of making really good IA for a DIY chapter.

 

While one is allowed creativity, it still must be within the realm of believability within the 40K universe. If you want people to find your chapters interesting and enjoyable, you certainly must abide by what 40K is, and isn't.

 

I am not trying to be overly harsh and forgive me if I am, but there is reason why chapters are in the librarium and why people are working hard to get theirs in librarium. it has to be believable and in line with the established fluff of 40k. It is simple as that.

 

I suggest you go back to your chapters and read up more on 40K fluff to really get the ideas in a 40k frame of mind. You have ideas and some are quite unique, now flesh them out upon the established 40K framework, and not your version of it.

 

ESSENTIAL READING:

 

DIY guide:

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...howtopic=132379

 

Octavulg's guide:

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...howtopic=191081

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

DAT, this chapter makes hardly any sense to put it bluntly. Each IA is entitled to some mystery and some leeway within the CONFINES OF 40K. You have a pattern of making your chapters super marine above other marines. This is not unique but the lazy way out of making really good IA for a DIY chapter.

 

While one is allowed creativity, it still must be within the realm of believability within the 40K universe. If you want people to find your chapters interesting and enjoyable, you certainly must abide by what 40K is, and isn't.

 

I am not trying to be overly harsh and forgive me if I am, but there is reason why chapters are in the librarium and why people are working hard to get theirs in librarium. it has to be believable and in line with the established fluff of 40k. It is simple as that.

 

I suggest you go back to your chapters and read up more on 40K fluff to really get the ideas in a 40k frame of mind. You have ideas and some are quite unique, now flesh them out upon the established 40K framework, and not your version of it.

 

ESSENTIAL READING:

 

DIY guide:

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...howtopic=132379

 

Octavulg's guide:

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...howtopic=191081

Ah! It seems I have no respect! :lol:

 

I do have a question - Why isn't it beleivable? Why doesn't it make sense? If I couldn't see it happeneing then I wouldn't put it down.

 

I do agree with the fact that I make my marines superhuman - but thats more of because I lack the ability to portray the flaws well.

 

I will be back, with a rewrite.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Yeah... I cry in shame and Codex:Envy everytime I look at the Liber Honourius.

 

EDIT: A piece of advice... Trying to work on multiple IA's can only end in failure as none of them get the attention they need.

[XKhalilX]

im telling u this not out of arrogance but out of advice. it takes DEDICATION, HARDWORK, AND TIME to get it right. i went through dozen rewrites or so before my IA got submitted. Im not alone in it. Anyone whose submitted an article have been rejected, revised, etc. We've all put hard work and brainstorming.

 

we start with an idea and when others shoot it down it stings, but its part of the process. The chapter has to coincide with established fluff. Its part of the process brother.

 

It takes alot of give and take, alot of constantly asking people to C&C. I still persist on my chapters at hand, and still i get little feedback. You just have to keep at it man. read the two links i posted. they are great help.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

You aren't answering my question though.

 

Why isn't it beleivable?

[XKhalilX]

the HP's, the wardens, their abhorrence of the emperor and yet still fighting for the imperium, there abhorrence for emperror and being vulkan geneseed, buddying uop to all 3 ordos......etc

[Ferrata]

I'm sorry, I'm just not buying it.

 

First, hero of the Imperium, faithful warrior of The Emperor meets mortal enemy of Chaos (the evil folk) and a member of the Legion of the Arch-Traitor. Said enemy then says your Emperor is a rotting corpse and hero of the Imperium, faithful warrior of The Emperor accepts this as true. Sorry, this would be like a person saying your favour football/hockey/baseball/sport of choice team is rubbish, and you accpeting it even though they support a local rival team.

 

Second, even if said Hero of the Imperium accepts the story as true, he tells his brothers. His brothers think this guy has just been captured by the enemy and tortured. They've "rescued" him and he comes back saying The Emperor is a corspe. I'm sorry, this guy is getting a bolter gun placed in his mouth and trigger pulled.

 

Third, The Holy Ordos of the Inquisition of The Emperor do not accept that The Emperor is a lie, that he is nothing more than a corpse. They would not align themselves with a chapter that does so. And, as I have said before, the Inquisition does not act as one, but as many. Maybe one Inquisitor may support you but not the whole lot.

 

The Inquisition is not scared of one chapter. If it wanted them destroyed, they will be destroyed. Ask the Celestrial Lions. Also, why would a small handful of marines be able to crush the religion of an entire nation? I couldn't get a hundred celebrities and crush all the religions of the world today - it just won't happen. These two points, together with Chosen of The Emperor, fall into the grouping of Mary-Sue. You've made your chapter too uber, too powerful. Bring them down a notch, make their beliefs more believable and how it happened more realisitic and you'll have a good chapter. A chapter that feels like The Emperor has abandoned them but still fights for humanity would be good.

 

Also, it is know not no for having the knowledge of something.

[UltimateJake]

As others said the Inquisition numbers of numerous Inquisitors so that needs fixed. Also the Inquisition fear no one. The Crimson Fists disagreed with the Inquisition once and after that their homeworld as invaded and there Chapter Monastery destroyed. Coincidence? The Celestial Lions also went against the Inquistion and well...you get the idea. Perhaps give them more of a radical-esque style. They could be stubborn in there believes, but not enforce them on the population. They are only protected by several Radical Inquisitor Allies. (perhaps Horusians who see the potential belief clashing with the Ecclesiarchy)

 

But, I do like the idea of them being humanitarian, so perhaps the belief could be akin to this:

 

After witnessing millions of civillians die throughout numerous campaigns the Astartes decided that the Emperor did not care for humanity and it was only through the Space Marines that the Imperium would survive. This might make it seem more believable.

[gil galed]

I was under the impression the SM already know that the emperor is a rotten husk and is simply a mind who attempts to keep the warp in check, most marines don't workship the emperor as anything more than the supreme human and never in a god like way.

 

You seem to be basing your chapter on the belief that Space Marines worship the emperor as god... which they don't

 

~Gil

[UltimateJake]

I was under the impression the SM already know that the emperor is a rotten husk and is simply a mind who attempts to keep the warp in check, most marines don't workship the emperor as anything more than the supreme human and never in a god like way.

 

You seem to be basing your chapter on the belief that Space Marines worship the emperor as god... which they don't

 

~Gil

 

Nah, the Space Marines revere him very highly if I am correct. They know he is the greatest product of the human race and something to apsire to be too. But, they see that he is not a god.

[Ferrata]

Most chapters do not view The Emperor as a god, but there hold him in high regard. It is all about how they describe how they think and how they act. To say The Emperor is not a god is fine, but to say he is a rotting corpse is untactful at best.

[Walter Payton]

Again, added an orginization section. I believe it may become controversial :cuss

 

Controversial won't get you in the Librarium. Believe me I've tried, but they just don't hold truck with it, and fair enough. Sorry mate.

[ChaplainMathreyn]

You should concentrate on the Vengeance of Corax... You had a great idea (their weird transitioning between reality, etc.), but you built up the entire Chapter around it (A gimmick), and never fleshed it out any further... Instead of working on loads of Other Chapters, finish the Vengeance of Corax (I'll even throw in commentary on it, too...)... Finish that, then concentrate on the others...