The Angels of Adamantium

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Origins

 

A chapter of Dark Angels geneseed, 12th founding. They began with the faith in the Codex that a young chapter has, and soon began building up their numbers to fight for the Emperor. The first Chapter Master became Tririea, a young captain from the Hunters of Truth. When the Sixth Company was fully formed, the Chapter received a call for aid from a nearby world, captain Aether and his company was dispatched to crush the enemy, identified as the Host of the Slaanesh. The marines, hungry to fulfill their duty, quickly arrived in the system and, as the first act of war, a group of bastions have had to be taken from the enemy, which Aethers, cpatain of the Third, first act of war was to order a group of bastions to be taken from the enemy. This his company did with great relish, losing few and killing many cultists.

 

With the bastions taken, the Captain Aether began ferrying down supplies to the bastions, and setting them up as his command. It was middway through this process when the enemy retaliated. They rushed against the bastions with preturnatural speed, Blastmasters felling the few bastions almost at will. The Third managed to fight them off and earn some respite as the enemy retreated. But the Third had taken heavy losses, and Aether knew that the only way to prevail was to have one warrior take a beacon into the heart of the enemies host. Aether put on a jumppack, and prepared for his suicidal charge when a hand on his shoulder stopped him, for the remnants of his company was also putting on the jumpacks that were being ferried down when the enemy had struck. They knew their captains plan, and they knew that his odds would dramatically increase with them at his side.

 

With tears of sorrow that such noble warriors should die, Aether charged the enemy. The moment before combat began, he activated the beacon. With that he swept his power sword, and first blood was his.

 

But the brutal melee that followed had very little glory in it. All around the captain his warriors were dieing, but they bravely held on so that thick lances of the Emperors fury might come down and deliver them to the Emperor while destroying the infidels. Yet the Captain had a few seconds warning before it came, and so with the speed of astartes he leapt into the air while telling the five marines that remained to follow him. Of those five three were cut down, but the captain and the two survivors fled.

 

They were not a moment to soon, for a second later the beacon itself was pounded into oblivion as an orbital strike commenced. The Slaaneshi host was completely destroyed, and later it required a single regiment of Imperial Guard to finish the campaign on the planet.

 

 

 

Tririea watched the footage from the battle in silence. He alone saw the fact that only three marines had lived out of the hundred that were sent. He knew that he had failed as chapter master.

 

As he watched the video again, he noticed that his marines were moving so slow compared to the renegades. They seemed sluggish and the enemy, in contrast, looked like mere flashes of silver blades. He began to concentrate on that speed, and here a lesser man would have turned. But Tririea stayed true to the Emperor, and he knew that for his chapter to succeed they would need to be even faster and dealier than the enemy. They would not be inferior, and be cut down so easily as before. They were the chosen of the Emperor, and they would prove it.

 

He declared that all marines would be mounted on jump packs, and their heavy weapons would have to be cast aside, armoured vehicles would support them instead. But even when they had traded their heavy weapons for the jump packs at the nearest forgeworld, it was not the what affected the Engels the most.

 

 

As per the orders of Tririea, weapons that enabled the wielder to move faster, such as lightning claws or glaives, began to be seen as more superior to more bulky weapns. Close combat was preached as more holy than ranged combat. Though scouts were armed with bolters, and the youngest of those who had earned their power armour were armed with them as well, those who were more senior wielded chainswords and bolt pistols. The true veterans were given the option to become the fastest of all, and the First Company rode to war on bikes.

 

The Battle of Corrupted Angels

 

Fairly early in the Angels history, relatively a third of the Angels rebeled. This rebellion was brought to the fore when the loyal marines and the traitorous Angels were both camped outside of Tireiean Square, and a the Master of Sancicity preached to the loyalists. At the height of his fiery rehortic he cried "Angels No More!" and charged the enemy camp. In a second all of the true Angels of Adamantium were behind him, and although the traitors had time to mount a countercharge, they were completely destroyed within five minutes of the two forces meeting. Since that time that has been their battlecry against any foe they fight for all they fight have fallen from the Emperors grace at some point or another.

 

Beliefs

 

The Angels of Adamantium see close combat as holy, and those who have proven the speed of their blade are held in high regard. The Emperor protects those who are willing to risk their life for Him the most, and so the Angels believe in rushing at the enemy as one terrifyingly unstoppable wave.

 

However, many battle-brothers fall in such attacks. Those that do are seen as those the Emperor has chosen to guide to his side either after they have proven their devotion, or before they can betray Him. Few marines turn traitor, and all but one has been executed before they could escape the chapter.

 

This is because they uncannily hate traitors, though why is unknown... to those who know not of the Dark Angels treachery. Although all loyal marines hate traitors few can match the fury that the Angels of Adamantium muster, and because the chapter fights on the Eastern Fringe their thirst for vengeance is rarely sated.

 

Homeworld

 

Although they have no homeworld, as they are a fleet based chapter, they operate on the Eastern Fringe. They have had many encounters with Tyranids, and many battles bear resemble that of their very first, as many companies have been sacrified to do great damage to some of the larger splinters of the Hive Fleets.

 

This faster than normal depletion of astartes has lead to a larger than normal Tenth company. It is roughly the size of a company and a half, although this size has varied to match the needs at the moment.

 

Orginization

 

Since the first disastrous battle the Angels have disdained the Codex, for they hold the view that it is what failed them. As such the chapter is organized as such:

 

There is ten companies, with HQ being seperate. Each company is made up of roughly 100 marines, although that number varies depending on who is leading it. Some Captains have small forces, leading small but devastating charges, and such companies are often sent to help out a larger body of Imperial Guard. Others choose to have companies of 200 marines, although their is a strict restriction on the amount of marines within a company. This is because of an incident when a rather large company of 350 marines followed their captain into service of the Chaos Gods.

 

Also, the Tenth company usually has 150 to 250 scouts. Although the Angels of Adamantium have a high need for scouts the consider the need for high quaility scouts paramount. Although most will die soon those that do live must be perfect embodiements of the Emperors will, unstoppable bringers of wrath. All scouts must be the best that they can be made for these heroes to exist.

 

Companies are organized with three types of squads, plus HQ. These are known as:

 

Brethren - fresh from recieving their last implant, and with that their power armour, these marines are given a bolter and a jumppack. These squads are primarily used to outflank the enemy, to teach them the most important lesson of all: patience. They are told to rely on ranged combat as much as possible, to surprise the enemy and cut as many of them down in a single, sudden, devastating salvo of bolter shells. This teaches them to wait for the best possible moment, and thus patience. This is all important to the Angels, for they need patience to decide when to charge, when they can casue the most impact on the battle as possible.

 

Outer Circle - These are marines who have been deemed worthy of the chainsword. They can look upon the battle and see when they should charge, but they know that they still most prove their worth to the Emperor and risk their lives for Him before they can truly be blessed.

 

Inner Circle - These are marines who have seen many years of battle, and have trained their bodies to mave as fast as possible. They are armed with whatever weapons they please, and are most often seen as leaders of Squads of Brethren and Inner Circle.

 

The HQ are normally a Chaplain and/or a Librarian alongside a captain. Each of these herioc figures leads a squad of Inner Circle marines.

 

The First Company is mounted entirely on bikes, given the blessing of being able to move as fast as technology and their bodies will let them. It also gives them the honor of being the first onto glorious close combat, weakanng the enemy with their twinlinked bolters before breaking them entirely with their close combat prowess.

 

 

 

Battlecry

 

Angels no more!

 

Geneseed

 

The Angels of Adamantium bear the remarkably pure geneseed of the Dark Angels. Although they constantly seek means of which they should be able to move faster, they disdain any attempts to alter their bodies. They hold their primarch and the Emperor in high ragard, He has taken their primarchs flesh and crafted it, and as He makes no mistakes why should they try to make it better?

 

Color Scheme

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/smsbeta...1A&pws=true

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

All replies from the previous thread were acted upon. I apoligize for being stubborn last time, I didn't want to stray too far from the original idea. Then I realized I already had, and set upon fixing my chapter with great delight. :)

[NightrawenII]

*waving hands in frustration*

You are pretty stubborn lad, aren't you? We make our best effort to explain you, why jump-packs only marines and your explanation is weak, but you stay true to your idea and simply post it in new thread *sigh* Ok, whatever.

Try this with your color scheme

Origins

A chapter of Dark Angels geneseed, 12th founding. They began with the faith in the Codex that a young chapter has, and soon began building up their numbers to fight for the Emperor. The first Chapter Master became Tririea, a young captain from the Hunters of Truth. When the Sixth Company was fully formed, the Chapter received a call for aid from a nearby world, captain Aether and his company was dispatched to crush the enemy, identified as the Host of the Slaanesh. The marines, hungry to fulfill their duty, quickly arrived in the system and, as the first act of war, a group of bastions have had to be taken from the enemy, which Aethers company did this with great relish, losing few marines and killing many cultists.

With the bastions taken, the captain Aether began ferrying down supplies to the bastions, and setting them up as his command. It was middway through this process, when the enemy retaliated. They rushed against the bastions with preturnatural speed, Blastmasters felling the few bastions almost at will. The marines managed to fight them off and earn some respite as the enemy retreated. But the marines had taken heavy losses, and Aether knew that the only way to prevail was to have one warrior take a beacon into the heart of the enemies host. Aether put on a jumppack, and prepared for his suicidal charge when a hand on his shoulder stopped him, for the remnants of his company was also putting on the jumpacks that were being ferried down when the enemy had struck. They knew their captains plan, and they knew that his odds would dramatically increase with them at his side.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Yes, I am very stubborn.

 

However, I did go back and change and rewrite some of it so that you could see how he got from point a to point b psycologicaly.

 

I will take your advice and the color scheme, but I still need an all jump pack chapter. Absolute core. Everything else is second.

 

I might change how it comes across, and I might change how it is written, but the chapter must be completely equipped with jump packs.

[Leonaides]

so why are you creating your basic unit that will never see the tabletop? There is no way to give marines a JP and a bolter at teh moment (unless I've missed something drastic).

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

so why are you creating your basic unit that will never see the tabletop? There is no way to give marines a JP and a bolter at teh moment (unless I've missed something drastic).

This chapter will never see the tabletop. Unfortunately, I don't get to play games all that often.

[Leonaides]

Next question - how can your chapter waste such numbers of geneseed? Are they being given extra stock from other Unforgiven chapters or si the Ad Mech being generous? Implanting 250 scouts means around a quater of your battle brothers have dies in the last decade... a 25% fatality rate every 10 years doesnt say much good about your chapters leaders tactical ability, nor their fighting style...

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Next question - how can your chapter waste such numbers of geneseed? Are they being given extra stock from other Unforgiven chapters or si the Ad Mech being generous? Implanting 250 scouts means around a quater of your battle brothers have dies in the last decade... a 25% fatality rate every 10 years doesnt say much good about your chapters leaders tactical ability, nor their fighting style...

So? :)

 

 

I have already said that they don't mind getting their own marines killed, weeding out the weak and all. I assume they just have enough geneseed and facilities that they are constantly growing new ones, as well as taking the two from the many dead.

 

The Angels don't focus on tactics. They are the masters of the devastating charge, but many get cut down en route to getting to the enemy. Once they get there, however, its game over for their opponents.

[Leonaides]

So - if you're losing 25% of your marines every 10 years, and a large number of your scouts dont make it through to replace those dead marines... pretty soon you're extinct.

 

No chapter likes to lose its scouts - lose them after they've started to have organs implanted and thats those organs gone forever. Rreplacing initiates is one thing - but the organs are the most precious things a chapter has. And no-one has them in such an abundance that they would be able to sustain losses like that continually.

 

If they give no thought to tactics, then why the heavy support from vehicles? But who's in the vehicles? A bunch of green recruits apparently as your more seasoned marines are all swinging chainblades around...

 

Far too many internal inconsistencies. If it doesnt even make sense within itself, why would I (or anyone else) want to spend the time reading it and understanding it? You want jump-pack troops, there're far better ways of doing it.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

So - if you're losing 25% of your marines every 10 years, and a large number of your scouts dont make it through to replace those dead marines... pretty soon you're extinct.

 

No chapter likes to lose its scouts - lose them after they've started to have organs implanted and thats those organs gone forever. Rreplacing initiates is one thing - but the organs are the most precious things a chapter has. And no-one has them in such an abundance that they would be able to sustain losses like that continually.

 

If they give no thought to tactics, then why the heavy support from vehicles? But who's in the vehicles? A bunch of green recruits apparently as your more seasoned marines are all swinging chainblades around...

 

Far too many internal inconsistencies. If it doesnt even make sense within itself, why would I (or anyone else) want to spend the time reading it and understanding it? You want jump-pack troops, there're far better ways of doing it.

 

 

The first point: thats why I increased the scout company :)

 

The organs regrow. They get new ones from their vats. But I see what your saying.

 

I think you are overestimating the losses they take. All my marines are protected by plot armour :rolleyes:

 

The vehicles are manned by serfs, just like any sensible marine chapter would do. The heavy support is there for things like banblades and titans, as well as keeping the enemies heads down while my marines ar charging.

 

It does make sense, if you look at it the right way. You seriously need to take off your "this chapter is stupid" glasses, because that is whhat everyone seems to be doing.

 

Its a chapter that is completely equipped with jump packs. It isn't inconsistant or a weak force, it's powerful. It will take losses but it will still take you down.

 

End of rant.

[Sigismund Himself]

It does make sense, if you look at it the right way. You seriously need to take off your "this chapter is stupid" glasses, because that is whhat everyone seems to be doing.

Insulting people who post criticism on your chapter is hardly going to encourage others to post their own. Just a tip :rolleyes:

 

It also is far more likely for you to be wearing 'My chapter is awesome' glasses because when it comes down to it, your IA is your pride and joy, rather than a stranger to be wearing 'His chapter is stupid glasses'.

[NightrawenII]

Yes, I am very stubborn.

Feared, but not un-expected answer.

However, I did go back and change and rewrite some of it so that you could see how he got from point a to point b psycologicaly.

Still, the main problems with your Chapter are here. B)

I will take your advice and the color scheme, but I still need an all jump pack chapter. Absolute core. Everything else is second. I might change how it comes across, and I might change how it is written, but the chapter must be completely equipped with jump packs.

I feel like a kitten died a very violent and messy death because of this response. :o

I have already said that they don't mind getting their own marines killed, weeding out the weak and all. I assume they just have enough geneseed and facilities that they are constantly growing new ones, as well as taking the two from the many dead.

Gene-seed is blood of the Chapter. Spill too much and you will die.

The Angels don't focus on tactics. They are the masters of the devastating charge, but many get cut down en route to getting to the enemy. Once they get there, however, its game over for their opponents.

Khorne Berzerker #1:"Uhm, what they are doing?!"

Khorne Berzerker #2:"It seems, that they are running towards our position."

Khorne Berzerker #1:"Good, I was a little bored lately." :devil:

The first point: thats why I increased the scout company ;)

Scout company doesn't cut it. You are losing veterans in suicidal assaults.

The organs regrow. They get new ones from their vats. But I see what your saying.

Citation needed.

I think you are overestimating the losses they take. All my marines are protected by plot armour :lol:

Citation needed.

The vehicles are manned by serfs, just like any sensible marine chapter would do. The heavy support is there for things like baneblades and titans, as well as keeping the enemies heads down while my marines ar charging.

Baneblades and Titans cannot be verywhere. In fact, they are as rare as the marines.

It does make sense, if you look at it the right way. You seriously need to take off your "this chapter is stupid" glasses, because that is whhat everyone seems to be doing.

Sigismund Himself is right. Im not saying the majority is always right, but you simply suffer from "My marines are awesome!! I cannot hear you over here LALALALALALALALALALALA!!!!!"

Aren't you the infamous creator of jump-pack devastators and combat-drugs fueled berzerkers? If so (and don't lie, I will check this :RTBBB: ), then there is no point in discusion.(=experience)

[gil galed]

I feel i must concede to alot of Nights points, specifically

 

1/ that space marines are faster than a mortal man and while eldar are faster it doesn't stop them going toe to toe with them and winning through either brute force, or just nailing them before they get into close combat

2/if you could replenish marines to the extent you want then they would be nigh on unstoppable and we'd have one for every human in the galaxy, thats just not the case, marines are like special forces, not kamikaze pilots

3/ the world eaters were psychotic from implants, whats your marines excuse?

 

I don't have a problem with all jet pack armies, if done right cool, but I think a greater reliance on them than codex is better and equally no suicide attacks

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

@Sigismund: I apoligize. I just really feel like the chapter does have something that is worth keeping, and yet everybody else is suggesting throwing it out the window. Contradiction of interests? i think so.

 

@nightrawen:

"However, I did go back and change and rewrite some of it so that you could see how he got from point a to point b psycologicaly."

 

"Still, the main problems with your Chapter are here."

 

Why?

 

"Gene-seed is blood of the Chapter. Spill too much and you will die."

 

Again, I think your overestimating things, although thats my own fault for making it come across that way. Will edit, but it might take a while before I rewrite it correctly.

 

Khorne Berzerker #1:"Uhm, what they are doing?!"

Khorne Berzerker #2:"It seems, that they are running towards our position."

Khorne Berzerker #1:"Good, I was a little bored lately."

 

Khorne Berzerkers do die quite quickly.

 

I did mention that they set themselves to... chaotic standards?

 

Gotta hit the road, but will come back and respond to the rest later.

 

 

 

I appreciate the influx of responses though :lol:

[ChaplainMathreyn]

A chapter of Dark Angels geneseed, 12th founding.

 

Why Dark Angels...? ... When, realistically, Ultramarines geneseed is twice as plentiful, and just as pure, if not more pure than any of the other potential geneseed tithes...

 

The marines, hungry to fulfill their duty, quickly arrived in the system and, as the first act of war, a group of bastions have had to be taken from the enemy, which Aethers, cpatain of the Third, first act of war was to order a group of bastions to be taken from the enemy. This his company did with great relish, losing few and killing many cultists.

 

Ahhh! This is impossible, for me at least, to read... Furthermore, Aether has NEVER been mentioned before than all of a sudden -Poof- There he is, leading the Marines...

 

With the bastions taken, the Captain Aether began ferrying down supplies to the bastions, and setting them up as his command. It was middway through this process when the enemy retaliated. They rushed against the bastions with preturnatural speed, Blastmasters felling the few bastions almost at will. The Third managed to fight them off and earn some respite as the enemy retreated. But the Third had taken heavy losses, and Aether knew that the only way to prevail was to have one warrior take a beacon into the heart of the enemies host. Aether put on a jumppack, and prepared for his suicidal charge when a hand on his shoulder stopped him, for the remnants of his company was also putting on the jumpacks that were being ferried down when the enemy had struck. They knew their captains plan, and they knew that his odds would dramatically increase with them at his side.

 

With tears of sorrow that such noble warriors should die, Aether charged the enemy. The moment before combat began, he activated the beacon. With that he swept his power sword, and first blood was his.

 

But the brutal melee that followed had very little glory in it. All around the captain his warriors were dieing, but they bravely held on so that thick lances of the Emperors fury might come down and deliver them to the Emperor while destroying the infidels. Yet the Captain had a few seconds warning before it came, and so with the speed of astartes he leapt into the air while telling the five marines that remained to follow him. Of those five three were cut down, but the captain and the two survivors fled.

 

They were not a moment to soon, for a second later the beacon itself was pounded into oblivion as an orbital strike commenced. The Slaaneshi host was completely destroyed, and later it required a single regiment of Imperial Guard to finish the campaign on the planet.

 

Do you Word, or any program of that sort with a spell/sentence checker?... Sometimes I have to re-read things a couple f times to go "Ohhh, that's what he means..."

 

Also... I don't think Chaos works like that, Especially Slaanesh, the Gods of pleasures, hedonism, etc. Also, avoid numbers... An Imperial Guard taskforce, and a "handful" of Marines make things more epic...

 

He knew that he had failed as chapter master.

 

Not really. A Space Marine is Supposed to die in battle... You're Not supposed to die of old age... And it seems more like Aether was a brash and reckless man who, not taking decisive leadership into his hands, led the remnants of his Company on a useless and suicidal mission...

 

As he watched the video again, he noticed that his marines were moving so slow compared to the renegades. They seemed sluggish and the enemy, in contrast, looked like mere flashes of silver blades. He began to concentrate on that speed, and here a lesser man would have turned. But Tririea stayed true to the Emperor, and he knew that for his chapter to succeed they would need to be even faster and dealier than the enemy. They would not be inferior, and be cut down so easily as before. They were the chosen of the Emperor, and they would prove it.

 

Cultists definately Aren't faster than a Space Marine... Your Chaotic brothers might be, but that's from severe Warp mutation, and thousands of years of combat experience... Only, possibly, daemons, are more powerful/faster, in this case, than a Space Marine...

 

Plus... "We need to move faster" seems like a Really shabby excuse to completely stray from the Codex... Which, is essentially, the Wikipedia of 40K, with abit of everything that You need to know in it... It seems like your Marines just need better training, not new equipment...

 

Also... The Battle of Corrupted Angels... Where does that come from?... I mean, it's completely out of left field, "Oh and by the way...There's a rebellion, too" sort of thing... Instead of making a different section, add abit of it into the History, then leave some details as a sidebar...

 

This is because they uncannily hate traitors

 

What luck! The other 999 Other Chapters hate traitors, too. And no, the Dark Angels do Not have a monopoly on 'Hating Chaos Marine traitors'. They betrayed All of humanity, so Everyone hates them...

 

Everything, honestly, is built on really, pretty flimsy gimmicks... So, they move faster than other Space Marines? How is That possible... You already have extreme genetic mutation, making both your body bigger, your muscles larger and your bones stronger... I don't think there IS a way to make you move faster... They use jumppacks adn bikes? As do the White Scars... They use Dark Angels geneseed? Are there any tie-ins with the Fallen, or any of the other Unforgiven chapters?... They use melee... They are going to get there rear-ends handed to them pretty regularly by Tyranids, Orks, and pretty much everyone else who thrives in chaotic melee battles, let along those with heavy-firepower... Ouch.

 

It's alot like your Vengeance of Corax thing; They are tied together with a gimmick (In that case, their ability to fade in and out), but that's it... It's superficial... Are there any Real World cultures... Religions... Something to inject abit more... "Umph" into the Chapter?

[gil galed]

Just a quick note, uncannily is an entirely inappropriate, it means unlikely, like "an uncanny knowledge" is one they shouldn't have or is a bit weird, you'd be better with zealous

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

A chapter of Dark Angels geneseed, 12th founding.

 

Why Dark Angels...? ... When, realistically, Ultramarines geneseed is twice as plentiful, and just as pure, if not more pure than any of the other potential geneseed tithes...

 

The marines, hungry to fulfill their duty, quickly arrived in the system and, as the first act of war, a group of bastions have had to be taken from the enemy, which Aethers, cpatain of the Third, first act of war was to order a group of bastions to be taken from the enemy. This his company did with great relish, losing few and killing many cultists.

 

Ahhh! This is impossible, for me at least, to read... Furthermore, Aether has NEVER been mentioned before than all of a sudden -Poof- There he is, leading the Marines...

 

With the bastions taken, the Captain Aether began ferrying down supplies to the bastions, and setting them up as his command. It was middway through this process when the enemy retaliated. They rushed against the bastions with preturnatural speed, Blastmasters felling the few bastions almost at will. The Third managed to fight them off and earn some respite as the enemy retreated. But the Third had taken heavy losses, and Aether knew that the only way to prevail was to have one warrior take a beacon into the heart of the enemies host. Aether put on a jumppack, and prepared for his suicidal charge when a hand on his shoulder stopped him, for the remnants of his company was also putting on the jumpacks that were being ferried down when the enemy had struck. They knew their captains plan, and they knew that his odds would dramatically increase with them at his side.

 

With tears of sorrow that such noble warriors should die, Aether charged the enemy. The moment before combat began, he activated the beacon. With that he swept his power sword, and first blood was his.

 

But the brutal melee that followed had very little glory in it. All around the captain his warriors were dieing, but they bravely held on so that thick lances of the Emperors fury might come down and deliver them to the Emperor while destroying the infidels. Yet the Captain had a few seconds warning before it came, and so with the speed of astartes he leapt into the air while telling the five marines that remained to follow him. Of those five three were cut down, but the captain and the two survivors fled.

 

They were not a moment to soon, for a second later the beacon itself was pounded into oblivion as an orbital strike commenced. The Slaaneshi host was completely destroyed, and later it required a single regiment of Imperial Guard to finish the campaign on the planet.

 

Do you Word, or any program of that sort with a spell/sentence checker?... Sometimes I have to re-read things a couple f times to go "Ohhh, that's what he means..."

 

Also... I don't think Chaos works like that, Especially Slaanesh, the Gods of pleasures, hedonism, etc. Also, avoid numbers... An Imperial Guard taskforce, and a "handful" of Marines make things more epic...

 

He knew that he had failed as chapter master.

 

Not really. A Space Marine is Supposed to die in battle... You're Not supposed to die of old age... And it seems more like Aether was a brash and reckless man who, not taking decisive leadership into his hands, led the remnants of his Company on a useless and suicidal mission...

 

As he watched the video again, he noticed that his marines were moving so slow compared to the renegades. They seemed sluggish and the enemy, in contrast, looked like mere flashes of silver blades. He began to concentrate on that speed, and here a lesser man would have turned. But Tririea stayed true to the Emperor, and he knew that for his chapter to succeed they would need to be even faster and dealier than the enemy. They would not be inferior, and be cut down so easily as before. They were the chosen of the Emperor, and they would prove it.

 

Cultists definately Aren't faster than a Space Marine... Your Chaotic brothers might be, but that's from severe Warp mutation, and thousands of years of combat experience... Only, possibly, daemons, are more powerful/faster, in this case, than a Space Marine...

 

Plus... "We need to move faster" seems like a Really shabby excuse to completely stray from the Codex... Which, is essentially, the Wikipedia of 40K, with abit of everything that You need to know in it... It seems like your Marines just need better training, not new equipment...

 

Also... The Battle of Corrupted Angels... Where does that come from?... I mean, it's completely out of left field, "Oh and by the way...There's a rebellion, too" sort of thing... Instead of making a different section, add abit of it into the History, then leave some details as a sidebar...

 

This is because they uncannily hate traitors

 

What luck! The other 999 Other Chapters hate traitors, too. And no, the Dark Angels do Not have a monopoly on 'Hating Chaos Marine traitors'. They betrayed All of humanity, so Everyone hates them...

 

Everything, honestly, is built on really, pretty flimsy gimmicks... So, they move faster than other Space Marines? How is That possible... You already have extreme genetic mutation, making both your body bigger, your muscles larger and your bones stronger... I don't think there IS a way to make you move faster... They use jumppacks adn bikes? As do the White Scars... They use Dark Angels geneseed? Are there any tie-ins with the Fallen, or any of the other Unforgiven chapters?... They use melee... They are going to get there rear-ends handed to them pretty regularly by Tyranids, Orks, and pretty much everyone else who thrives in chaotic melee battles, let along those with heavy-firepower... Ouch.

 

It's alot like your Vengeance of Corax thing; They are tied together with a gimmick (In that case, their ability to fade in and out), but that's it... It's superficial... Are there any Real World cultures... Religions... Something to inject abit more... "Umph" into the Chapter?

 

 

'Laughs'

 

Thats good, Chaplain, but you FAILED.

 

 

The Captain coming out of nowhere? I mentioned him previously. Even if I didn't, who did you think was leading the marines?

 

Why DA? Why not? Why do I need UM geneseed? Nobody else seems to use it.

 

 

I will do the spellchecker, but I know how to spell. I spelled most - if not all - the stuff in there correctly.

 

 

Yes, he really did fail as a chapter master. Imagine it like this: You are in command of a thousand (or so) of the finest warriors the Imperium has to offer. In their very first engagement, they lose all but three (out of a hundred) fighting heathens! Again, if that doesn't make you want to hang your head with failure I don't know what does.

 

Although you're right, it wasn't his fault. It wasn't even the captains fault. It was the marines fault. Remember, he wanted to go solo, but they didn't let him.

 

They weren't cultists. They were renegades, AKA Chaos Space Marines.

 

Thats the only way it would make sense; I don't know why you thought that only cultists would hold the planet. Cultists are more like a symptom, in fact, they would do all the things serfs would do but the wouldn't be there unless Slaanesh moved them to side with the real threat, the Traitor marines. I realize I mentioned cultists earlier, but everyone else seemed to get that they were traitor marines, unless I am mistaken.

 

They blamed the Codex for such devastating loss. Much like Cultists are a symptom of the true threat, the dismissal of the Codex was but a symptom of their failure.

 

I didn't try to build my chapter around that, as I think incorporating Ultrahate into your DIY is lame, but I could seriously see this happening, so I put that in the IA.

 

Battle of Corrupted Angels will be put into a sidebar.

 

Uncannily means unnaturally... as in not natural... as in it cannot be explained as excused as overzealousness. It is beyond even that.

 

It's not to make my chapter cooler, because that will just lead them to make stupid decisions and therefore degrades it. It is also there to set up the story for the only traitor from the AoA to have ever escaped his erstwhile brethrens unholy hate.

 

Again, I appreciate the response, but some of the things were just... really?

 

 

EDIT: clarification

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

The first point: thats why I increased the scout company ;)

Scout company doesn't cut it. You are losing veterans in suicidal assaults.

The organs regrow. They get new ones from their vats. But I see what your saying.

Citation needed.

I think you are overestimating the losses they take. All my marines are protected by plot armour :lol:

Citation needed.

The vehicles are manned by serfs, just like any sensible marine chapter would do. The heavy support is there for things like baneblades and titans, as well as keeping the enemies heads down while my marines ar charging.

Baneblades and Titans cannot be verywhere. In fact, they are as rare as the marines.

It does make sense, if you look at it the right way. You seriously need to take off your "this chapter is stupid" glasses, because that is whhat everyone seems to be doing.

Sigismund Himself is right. Im not saying the majority is always right, but you simply suffer from "My marines are awesome!! I cannot hear you over here LALALALALALALALALALALA!!!!!"

Aren't you the infamous creator of jump-pack devastators and combat-drugs fueled berzerkers? If so (and don't lie, I will check this :P ), then there is no point in discusion.(=experience)

 

 

I am the infamous creator of that chapter, I can't beleive you haven't igured it out by now!

Could you ask the..erm, whatever passes for moderati over there why they kicked me off Warseer? I recieved no reason for being kicked off, I just... was.

 

All things noted that were included.

 

 

I know, I may seem stubborn, but I really do want to improve this chapter. I don't mean to blame you, it isn't your fault, but the 'flaws' you guys come up aren't flaws, merely misunderstandings caused by myself. I will go and rewrite this, but I think the major cause of argument here is that I see things in the chapter one way, and you see it another.

 

And you know what that means, boys and girls?

 

Rewrite time!

 

Can you close these threads, like on Warseer? I know moderati can, but can the OP do so as well?

[Ace Debonair]

It's alot like your Vengeance of Corax thing; They are tied together with a gimmick (In that case, their ability to fade in and out), but that's it... It's superficial... Are there any Real World cultures... Religions... Something to inject abit more... "Umph" into the Chapter?

 

Ah, this takes me back.

 

To begin with I started writing four chapters at once who were, essentially, faceless, soulless gimmicks. :P

 

And I'll be honest, the gimmicks are still there. The Infinity Knights still love their dreadnoughts, and the Red Lords are still arrogant and artillery-focused. But what I did was keep a seperate copy of my work, as I first intended it, and then edited my online IA to suit what people wanted. It wasn't easy to cut out the 'great ideas' (Read: Cliche garbage) that I'd had, but I gotta admit it made them a better read, for me and for everyone else.

 

Now, I like jump packs as much as the next guy, but perhaps changing from everyone having jump packs to simply a lot more jump packs than usual, (maybe having half of each company?) and a reliance on tactical marines mostly as a tool for softening up enemy lines might work better.

 

I know, it's your core idea and you've admitted you're stubborn. If you don't like my idea, you can ignore it and carry on. It's all good.

 

It does make sense, if you look at it the right way. You seriously need to take off your "this chapter is stupid" glasses, because that is whhat everyone seems to be doing.

I certainly don't think this chapter is stupid. It needs work still, but it's not stupid. But if everyone thought one of my ideas was stupid, I might start to ask myself if it could be better.

 

Stick at it, buddy, and the AoA will get there. :lol:

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Alright, this here is a rewrite. If you have any problems with it, please comment and await my reply.

 

*BEEP*

 

 

Geneseed: not DA. Probably UM. Will decide later.

 

Keep characters... check... keep battle... need to modify battle... keep secondary battle... check... keep orginization... check... anything else? Oh yes, origins is needed. There is something else... Oh yes, homeworld. Will develop.

 

 

'sighs'

 

 

I hate going back to rough draft stage. Good thing this isn't... but I need to add a lot of crap and I need to modify a lot more.

 

 

Beleifs

The Angels of Adamantium see close combat as holy, and those who have proven the speed of their blade are held in high regard. The Emperor protects those who are willing to risk their life for Him the most, and so the Angels believe in rushing at the enemy as one terrifyingly unstoppable wave.

 

However, many battle-brothers fall in such attacks. Those that do are seen as those the Emperor has chosen to guide to his side either after they have proven their devotion, or before they can betray Him. Few marines turn traitor, and all but one has been executed before they could escape the chapter.

 

This is because they uncannily hate traitors, though why is unknown... Although all loyal marines hate traitors few can match the fury that the Angels of Adamantium muster, and because the chapter fights on the Eastern Fringe their thirst for vengeance is rarely sated.

[gil galed]

as before i'd change uncannily to something else, it doesn't really make sense in the context you're using them.

 

wikipedia says

 

"Because the uncanny is familiar, yet strange, it often creates cognitive dissonance within the experiencing subject due to the paradoxical nature of being attracted to, yet repulsed by an object at the same time. This cognitive dissonance often leads to an outright rejection of the object, as one would rather reject than rationalize."

 

I don't think that's what you're going for :lol:

 

~Gil

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

as before i'd change uncannily to something else, it doesn't really make sense in the context you're using them.

 

wikipedia says

 

"Because the uncanny is familiar, yet strange, it often creates cognitive dissonance within the experiencing subject due to the paradoxical nature of being attracted to, yet repulsed by an object at the same time. This cognitive dissonance often leads to an outright rejection of the object, as one would rather reject than rationalize."

 

I don't think that's what you're going for :)

 

~Gil

Um, you do realize its wikipedia, right? ;)

 

As I said, uncanny means unnatural, or at least it did last time I checked. I will change it to that, but...

[gil galed]

no but my point is the hatred of traitors is neither uncanny or unnatural, ALL space marines hate traitors, that's my point, your chapter isn't unique for simply hating traitors, and saying the reason is "unknown" makes no sense as everyone knows why all space marines hate all traitors... they are traitors

 

If you want to pursue this ling then you have to establish that they have a hatred beyond that or a normal marine and for that you really need a reason

 

~Gil

 

p.s Wikipedia is amazing