Aron Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 Here is the background for one of the charackters in my chapter the ancients. I will add more as soon as I used him for the first time. The Master of Faith Torias, the master of faith, the black guardian, captain of the ancients 1st company, these are all just titles describing the same spacemarine. The stories of his victories and defeats are only shadowed by the chapter masters. He is a living legend and friend and foe alike must prove themselves worthy of him. Some say he is a beacon of the Emperors light killing the dark foes of humanity. Not only does he lead the 1st company but also he ensures the faith and purity of his brother’s souls to the Emporium of humanity. But apart from all those titles who is Torias? What do you think? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronDuke Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 Not bad for a starting point, but we need more! Why is he a living legend? We don't need to know everything but tell of an ancient battle where he slew many enemies, or was the only survivor. With a title like Master of the Faith, he sounds like a Chaplain, yet you say he leads the First Company. Is he a chaplain with the dual role of a captain, or is he just a captain who has the zeal and preaching skills of a chaplain? As I said, nice start and bare bones, but that is all you have got, expand upon it! Cheers, ID Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2287085 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bannus Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 What Chapter? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2287125 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aron Posted February 15, 2010 Author Share Posted February 15, 2010 He is the most important of the chapters chaplians but he also leads the 1st company. The chapter is called ancients. They are spacemarines who got lost in a warp storm during the heresy of horus. they came out of the warp now and since there was no taint upon them they made a new chapter in the name of the Emperor. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2287277 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bannus Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 OK. In that case, I'll move this over to Liber. ;) It should get more responses there. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2287303 Share on other sites More sharing options...
UltimateJake Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 He is the most important of the chapters chaplians but he also leads the 1st company. The chapter is called ancients. They are spacemarines who got lost in a warp storm during the heresy of horus. they came out of the warp now and since there was no taint upon them they made a new chapter in the name of the Emperor. This is really really frowned upon in the Liber. Seriously making your chapter a lost traitor company from the Horus Heresy that is loyal is very poorly done. You might want to read the guide. Other than that I want some more fluff on the Ancients. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2287308 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 Not only does he lead the 1st company but also he ensures the faith and purity of his brother’s souls to the Emporium of humanity. Is it possible you mean the Imperium of man? ;) Emporiums are where things are bought and sold. Unless you have the Merchant Marines, this might be something that requires fixing. As Jake pointed out, you'd benefit greatly from reading the DIY guide at the top of this forum, and maybe some of the IA's in the Librarium - home only to the most awesome DIY chapters. But to give you the edited highlights of the flaws with your present idea: 1) The High Lords Of Terra create chapters. There is no other way for this to happen. 2) Lost in the warp since the heresy is extra-extra-extra cliche. It's so cliche that it's no longer even cheesy - it's long since lost all flavour. 3) The odds of being accepted back into the Imperium after any length of time in the warp are so slim that they... well, they don't exist. Forgiveness is long dead in the 40K universe. Hopefully you'll enjoy your time here on Liber, but don't be too upset if we pick apart your ideas. It's what we do, after all. To EVERYONE. ;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2287330 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aron Posted February 15, 2010 Author Share Posted February 15, 2010 Yes I meant Imperium. I'm from germany and sometimes I just mess stuff up. I'm still learning how to write stories. Although my ideas might be crazie I will continue to write on this with the battles Torias fights. If enyone liked this story they will be able to read more. For the Emperor and Mankind Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2287354 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 Emporiums are where things are bought and sold. Unless you have the Merchant Marines. Ace, you had to give me another idea. You absolutely had to. :angry: :lol: Hopefully you'll enjoy your time here on Liber, but don't be too upset if we pick apart your ideas. It's what we do, after all.To EVERYONE. ;) Why do I feel like your looking at me when you say that? :P On topic: Well, read some background should be step number one. Ask some questions in the Amicus should be number 2, much like Calgar101 did recently. Then start on a character. Reminds me I need to do a character for my chapters... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2287357 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 Emporiums are where things are bought and sold. Unless you have the Merchant Marines. Ace, you had to give me another idea. You absolutely had to. :pinch: ;) I am truly a fountain of inspiration, especially when really, really tired. :lol: Hopefully you'll enjoy your time here on Liber, but don't be too upset if we pick apart your ideas. It's what we do, after all.To EVERYONE. ;) Why do I feel like your looking at me when you say that? :P Nah, you're being paranoid. :D Back on topic: Well, best of luck in expanding your ideas. Be assured, none of us mean any offence with our comments, even if we sound a bit fanatical at times. Also, your English is much, much better than most of our German, so don't worry about spelling and stuff. :lol: I just found Emporium of Man very funny. ;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2287464 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aron Posted February 15, 2010 Author Share Posted February 15, 2010 I will try to add new stuff after the game on friday. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2287501 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aron Posted December 16, 2010 Author Share Posted December 16, 2010 Sorry that I didn't continue writing. I decided to write the story as a kind of battle diary but the lost it (life is stupid!). I'll continue the story soon (if I can come up with a good story, Torias firts battle as a marine perhaps or how he gained controll of the first company). Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2591231 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinzaren Posted December 16, 2010 Share Posted December 16, 2010 Why are your marines Lost? What is their original chapter? Why did they get lost in the Heresy? Who is their Primarch? Why did the Ancients not just rejoin their former Legion? If they were a Chaos legion, why weren't they put to death immediately? Why is this one individual important to the chapter as a whole? Why should I care more about him than any other marine of your chapter? I want to know more about your chapter. I think that is what the focus should be, especially here :huh: Especially with such a cool name! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2591438 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Apostle Thirst Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Woah, Shinzaren, let's not beat on him too much... What friend Shinzaren is really asking is if you are planning to write about the chapter or the individual. If the individual, write something in the Short Stories sections, it'll get some attention and be better welcomed there. If about the chapter, we will help develop it, but be warned we can be quite harsh. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/192614-torias-master-of-faith/#findComment-2592087 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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