Wraithes of Darkness

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Origins

 

During the 21st Founding, a chapter was created, and named the Wraithes of the Emperor. They were given the geneseed and tuteluge of the Raven Guard, and as such they soon developed a love for stealth and ambushes. All was well, for they progessed normally, soon earning many victories against the forces that spewed from the Eye of Terror, where they were situated. Their homeworld was known as Trikirya, and they recruited from for many years.

 

It is this homeworld that betrayed them, several hundred years later. Awoken by one of the first calls for force by the C'tan, the small token of the Tomb World's Necrontyr that were activated destroyed their Tenth and Seventh companies, who were training and guarding the planet respectively. This naturally caused a full response from the Wraithes, and the two forces fought in a long and bloody war. The Necrontyr were defeated eventually, for they had only slightly awoken; large enough to decimate two companies but not enough to destroy an entire chapter.

 

The Ordos Xenos swiftly ordered an extremintus on Trikiyra after hearing that the Necrontyr seemed to come from the ground itself. This insenced the Wraithes, but they knew the power of the inquisition. They found a new home, but the Wraithes of the Emperor dstrusted the inquisition after that.

 

The Alpha Legion saw this, and realized that therein lied their oppurtunity. They sent insurgents to become part of the recruits for the Wraithes and although most did not succeed, but a few did; enough to watch and train the next haul of corrupted aspirants. And those after that, until roughly one hundred of the Wraithes were Alpha Legionares.

 

Even then the Alpha Legion did not show their presence, even after a thousand years had passed. The hundred marines began to nudge the others, slowly pointing them towards Chaos and the Alpha Legion's power. When they finally converted one, they gave him instructions to continue acting as he was. Through this process the Alpha Legion might have eventually taken over the chapter had not something else intervened.

 

The curse. All members of the 21st founding were cursed in some way, and the Wraithes of the Emperor were no different. There curse was not seen as a curse initially, for it was the ability to teleport without the aid of ancient devices. However, it's effects were fatal; those who did not wear Terminator Armour were quickly rent in two by the malign forces of Chaos. Even those who did might come out insane, and all aged at a quicker pace.

 

It was on one such occasion that caused an Alpha Legionare to reveal everything. By this time, approximately two thousand years after the Alpha Legion first sent insurgents, half the Chapter had converted to Chaos. The list of names that the traitor babbled out would have shown the loyalists who had betrayed them, but the traiors managed to silence those who were present when the traitor snapped. The heretic's nads were now forced and so they quickly killed all the loyal commanders of the Wraithes.

 

The new heirarchy did what they had always done: convert marines to Chaos, only now the pace was much quicker. They promised immunity to the Warp, and acceptance amongst his peers. That alone won many over, and few could withstand the urging of his brothers to turn away. Few shots were fired, but eventually the Chaos took over the Wraithes of the Emperor.

 

But the marines in command decided to go out on their own, and ignore the Alpha Legion. Why should they follow some selfish, arrogant Legion? They traveled through the gate they had once guarded, and became true Chaos Marines, under the name of the Wraithes of Darkness.

 

 

Beliefs

 

They worship the Dark Gods, as all Chaos Marines do. However, they exclude from this worship Nurgle, for he is seen as a god of cowards. While the Wraithes still prefer to use tactics and styles that reflect their name, they value a level head and for that an astartes needs no fear. Thus, the punishment for giving in to despair is death.

 

They would also disdain Slaanesh and Khorne because of this, but both gods are seen as worthy of their praise for their martial prowess and natural charisma that they bestow on their champions respectively.

 

Tzeentch alone is seen as a completely worthy god to worship. Seen as a god that gives to those who earn it, and those gifts are not just limited to mutations and martial skill; unholy resilence and unnatural charisma. The possibilities when offering to Tzeentch are endless, and always mutually beneficial. The God of Change is allowed to practise his craft from which he is named, and the worshipper is given the boon of which he asked for.

 

However, Tzeentch is fond of giving them a little more than what the wished for. This might come in the form of a particularily rebellious daemon bonded to the sword or a daemonic eye that only works when supplicated with an extorsinite (Sp?) amount of prayer and sacrifices.

 

Such 'oxymorons' as they are described are usually accepted warily, for what else can the receiver do? However, those with particularily bad curses are usually shunned, whilst those who seem to be blessed by Tzeentch - that meaning hat they receive few curses - are often put in positions of power.

 

Orginization

 

The Wraithes have become very piratical and corsairish, working for the highest bidder. They exist mainly on their Bettle Barge, The Whispering Volley, and their two strike cruisers, although rarely are there more than three hundred fifty marines on the various ships at any given time. They do have an additional strike cruiser that exists as a rendevous point if the main fleet becomes destroyed.

 

The Wraithes are organized much like a loyalist chapter. They have roughly 100 warriors in each section, which are known as summonings. This is becuase they can be summoned, via the Warp, through which the request is asked of them. However, they must be sanctioned by the Spectre of Death, who holds the equivalent rank of a Chapter Master. For this to happen, the Spectre of Death must decide the rewards - usually described in the summons - are good enough to risk an entire summoning.

 

This is the only time standard marines are allowed to teleport, although that may change when the new warriors of different geneseed are finally created. Those without the geneseed to teleport may have to be organized differently, and may be charged with protection of the Spectre of Death.

 

The HQ is known as Spectres, and are the only ones allowed to teleport (as previously touched upon before). They are above the rank and file, and are the veterans and the commanders of the summoning. They are given access to whatever weaponry is available, and command absolute respect and authority from those below them. To become one is an extreme honor, for they have proven their prowess and fortitude on hundreds of battlefields. Most were around when the chapter initially rebelled and fled to the Eye of Terror.

 

Verious Spectres have various ranks, with the Spectre of Death being the equivalent of a chapter master, fourteen or so individuals with roughly the rank of captain, and a usually one hundred fifty marines in units of ten that operate alone, under the command of the Spectre of Death. These autonomous units are usually sent to support a summoning or grab some valuable prize. These 'raids' often hunt for archeotech to bribe obliterators, and although very rarely are those debts called upon. Fewer still are the times when multiple debts are needed, and only once did the Spectre of Death use all that he had at the moment. Each Spectre of Death teaches his apprentice the importance of having most of your power in reserve, so that the enemy may commit a costly mistake in his arrogance and be destroyed when he over-reahes his own force.

 

Homeworld

 

They have the homeworld of Craotus, a Daemonic world in the Eye of Terror. Since Craotus itself is a daemon, it is an unnatural, evershifting and dangerous place. But with that random change also brings resources, for if one beseeches the daemon and supplicates it with enough sacrifices, it will change it's flesh to become rich in oil, minerals, and nutrients for crops... for a time. Such sacrifices are usually great battles fought on Craotus, between the warring tribes. The tribes were almost completely destroyed because they had decimated each other when the Wraithes arrived. They immediately took a few members from each of the survivors and spread them over the land to start new tribes, and then sacrificed several million cultists and slaves taken from nearby worlds, during their orginial escape from the Imperium.

 

Since then the few that survived have created families large enough to become tribes, although small ones. It is from these that the Wraithes of Darkness recruit, as the tribes have long since gone back to warring, only the Wraithes keeping the population alive.

 

Geneseed

 

Although originally of the Raven Guard geneseed, the Wraithes have begun to take smaller warbands into their own and with them their geneseed. Now they have gained Night Lords, World Eaters, Imperial Fist, Alpha Legion, Ultramarine and White Scars geneseed. These are taken and left to reproduce, and when they hav enough they will take them and start creating squads and companies of purely one geneseed. These will receive special training depennding on their geneseed, and will then be specialized tools for the Spectre of Death's power.

[Ace Debonair]

You know, you probably have enough chapters on your plate right now. ;)

 

First off, though, how come there's an 'e' in the chapter's name, which is usually spelt 'Wraiths'?

 

Secondly, which bits are the jokey bits and which bits are serious? I don't want to start mocking anything you actually want to keep. (Yet - if you're keeping that last bit then I make no promises. :P )

 

 

EDIT:

 

Oh, I see, this is one of your other chapters with a new, flashy name.

Kinda wish I'd read those in reverse order.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

If you had been serious..... I'd have had to execute you for foul heresy against the Liber Astartes! That, or just a rather good talking to, I'd have to decide which over a cup of tea most likely.

 

Speaking of which......

[gil galed]

As much as ridiculous chapters might be amusing I really don't think it's appropriate to post your musings especially when you already have alot of chapters on the go which are far from being complete and require alot of attention.

 

Plus you are breaking literally a dozen rules of IA

 

i.e primarch, secret ad-mech, necrontyr c'tan intervention, chaos god intervention, pariahs have no soul so warp could never claim them, pariahs arn't inherently necrontry (well they might be but nulls are both loyal and null), the list goes on

 

While I naturally appreciate the time it takes to write IA's I think the Vengeance of Corax could use your attention more :)

 

~Gil ^_^

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Ace said it best - this is the same chapter, but with new flashiness.

 

I need to think more about the revisions. I find that most thing are better well thought out :)

 

Ace hit another point - some of it is serious, some of it isn't. The most attention attracting (like Chaos/C'tan intervention) won't come in, but a lot of the more beleivable stuff (like their homeworld being a tomb world) might come along.

 

Gil Galed's advice in the other thread, which should be closed, has been noticed (ecspecially the usage of Christain terms).l Will be acted upon, but in the rewrite.

 

Cheers, Dark Apostle Thirst

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

'sighs'

 

Good thing Ferratta closed that thread.

 

It seems I worded things badly. This is not a revision; this is a complete rewrite. Will go back and edit accordingly.

 

Anyways, going to reboot post #1. Please, feel free to comment.

[Leonaides]

Y'know what - I was going to comment, but I cant be bothered to try and weed out the bits you want to keep from the joke-y bits. I'll wait till you're being serious.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Y'know what - I was going to comment, but I cant be bothered to try and weed out the bits you want to keep from the joke-y bits. I'll wait till you're being serious.

 

That's cool, cause now it's serious B)

[Leonaides]

Starting with this paragraph:

 

"It is this homeworld that betrayed them, several hundred years later. Awoken by one of the first calls for awakening, the Necrontyr that awoke - for it was a Tomb World they had chosen as their home - destroyed their Tenth and Seventh companies, who were trainging and guarding respectively. This naturally caused a full response from the Wraithes, and the two forces fought. The Necrontyr were quickly defeated, for they had only slightly awoken; large enough to decimate two companies but not enough to destroy an entire chapter. "

Far too many awoke's... Reword it. Second sentance is too busy - expand it a bit/split it up so you have a couple of sentences...

 

A Necron Tomb world would be plenty to exterminate a Marine Chapter... Especially a Marine chapter that has no idea what's hit it as Necrons would only just be beginning to be reported as the attackers elsewhere so you'd have no prior intel on them. You wouldnt be able to kill enough to defeat them. A tomb world might have 10's of thousands of warriors in it - each one an equal for your marines. And check your times/dates - You have a 21st founding chapter encountering Necrons fairlly early in their existence. the Necron emergences are fairly recent IIRC, so this may cause timeline issues...

[gil galed]

1/ First necron contact is 897.M41, unless this plays a bigger part in your story i'm not really sure if it is necessary as "they happened to set up on a necron tomb world" is kinda becoming cliche (says the man with a chapter exactly the same)

 

2/ Why did alpha legion pick you?

 

3/Marines don't age, they are immortal, or so I am lead to believe

 

4/ I'm glad to have decided to teleport through warp

 

 

~Gil <_<

[NightrawenII]

3/Marines don't age, they are immortal, or so I am lead to believe

No, nopedy nope.

Dont believe these thrice-cursed HH novels. Marines age and die of the old age (hypotheticaly, in most cases something very nasty came and kill them.)

[gil galed]

3/Marines don't age, they are immortal, or so I am lead to believe

No, nopedy nope.

Dont believe these thrice-cursed HH novels. Marines age and die of the old age (hypotheticaly, in most cases something very nasty came and kill them.)

 

where'd you get that from? after all there are some mighty old space marines

[Grand Master Tyrak]

3/Marines don't age, they are immortal, or so I am lead to believe

No, nopedy nope.

Dont believe these thrice-cursed HH novels. Marines age and die of the old age (hypotheticaly, in most cases something very nasty came and kill them.)

where'd you get that from? after all there are some mighty old space marines

 

The reference to Marines being immortal is speculation (by both the character and the author) since none have ever survived long enough to check it. On the other hand, I have heard of sources that have Marines so old that their bodies are beginning to atrophy completely, and that they were withdrawn from active service some time ago.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

What Tyrak said B)

 

The two necrontyr problems are solved by one of them. The fact that a tomb world would completely annihalate a chapter is fine; it wasn't fully awoken. One of the very first call for arms by the C'tan, and all it did was wake a small portion of the Tomb World.

 

That's just how I see it. I need to go back and fix that small mistake, but I cannot right now.

 

Did leonites mention anything else? Or does anybody see anything wrong with it? Please say something so that when I get back I can fix it!

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

The Ordos Xenos swiftly ordered an extremintus on Trikiyra after hearing that theNecrontyr seemed to come from the ground itself. This insenced the Wraithes, but they knew the power of the inquisition. They found a new home, but the Wraithes of the Emperor dstrusted the inquisition after that.

 

There have been many other worlds that have been tomb worlds and I don't actually know of any that have been declared exterminatus, though it could easily just be a gap in my knowledge. As far as I am aware the Ordo Xenos simply sends the Deathwatch to deal with the situation. If an entire chapter of Astartes is defending it's home, or more accurately attacking the Necrons home, I'm not sure what the appropriate response would be.

 

Not only that but I think that one necron Tomb World is more than powerful enough to wipe out an Astartes Chapter, it depends how quickly the wraiths responded. If they were all out on Campaigns, would they drop everything they were doing and return home?

 

If so, and they all left at different times (given the message would be subject to the vageries of the warp) and arrived at probably different times (again, good old warp for you), how certain are you that the Necrons would be so slow to awaken? Warp travel can take months just between two solar systems on a bad day, on a good day you can go across the galaxy in barely a day or so (time being irrelevant in the warp).

 

It's not a terrible idea, it just needs to be thought through a bit better is all.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Yaldir, your second point I did explain. Your third point, well, I treat when they arrived as trivial detail. The main point is that the chapter managed to destroy the small force that awoke. Why it was small has also been explained.

 

Now off to go fix what Gil Galed pointed out.

 

Speaking of which, I forgot to address a question asked by Gil Galed: Why did the Alpha Legion pick the Wraithes? Well, there is precedent in the Chaos Codex, when they destroyed the Emperor's Swords, and Alpha Legion have always been to me extremely patient, and therefore oppurtunistic people.

 

The reason for this is they wait, very patiently, for a good oppurtunity to appear, and it did.

 

The only reason they saw this was because they sat right next to the Eye of Terror, mind you :)

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Added a little bit more. I am utterly stumped for a name for their common rank and file though. I would add more, but it's kinda hard to describe something that you don't have a name for :)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Well fair enough then. I still think it's a bit iffy. I'd personally find it easier to get my head around if it was say, their training world, or anything that was meaningful to them that wasn't actually their homeworld itself. Simply for the fact that to defeat an entire tomb-world is an incredible achievement, especially for an inexperienced chapter, no matter how relatively little the necrons have awakened.

 

You take the fight to their home they are probably going to wake up mighty quick I'd imagine. You've explained it to your own satisfaction but not quite mine, though you're by no means obligated to I assure you.

 

That said, these guys have potential, I like them.

 

They sent insurgents to become part of the recruits for the Wraithes.

 

They sent a bunch of young children? How did they get them there? Where did they take them from? Didn't anyone notice this convenient batch of orphans just happening to be in the right place at the right time to be recruited? I'd like to see this bit qualified a bit better tbh.

 

In my mind an AL cell operating within a chapter would typically be full-marines that had been turned at a later date in their career. A cell in such a small brotherhood would also likely only be about four men strong at most in order to avoid drawins suspicion to themselves.

 

Added a little bit more. I am utterly stumped for a name for their common rank and file though. I would add more, but it's kinda hard to describe something that you don't have a name for

 

I'll assume your talking about the Astartes here. :)

 

Usually they're called Initiates. First your a neophyte or scout, then Initiate is the rank and file, or battle-brother. Usually you just say marines, but I'm sure you know all this already. Do you mean a new name unique to your chapter?

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Yes of course I am talking about astartes! Gah! :lol:

 

:sick:

 

Yeah, I want a unique name for my chapter. I would call them Brethren, but that will be taken by the Angels of Adamantium at a later date.

 

"They sent a bunch of young children? How did they get them there? Where did they take them from? Didn't anyone notice this convenient batch of orphans just happening to be in the right place at the right time to be recruited? I'd like to see this bit qualified a bit better tbh."

 

I figured Alpha Legion made a way :yuck:

 

I don't think you and I are getting the same picture when I say this. They took those already there and made them Insugents. Also, I don't think I really quite... gave the image of the subtlety that I am seeing. The entire process took over three hundred years. And the chapter suspected nothing.

 

That said, I am glad. It will give me room to expand, so I don't leave questions like yours. However, I think I will expand it when I have the core of all the sections (like beleifs and org.) done.

 

"That said, these guys have potential, I like them. "

 

Thanks, I will try not to disapoint. I know I spelled that wrong though, I don't know how :lol:

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Well I'll look forward to the subtlety being expanded upon! I'd like to get a clearer idea of just what you mean, since I'm obviously not getting it right now.

 

You don't tend to see the necrons in a lot of IA's for the simple reason that they are hard to write in as a genuine plot device given they are so enigmatic. The fact that no matter how much information we have as the outside observer, the Imperium knows virtually nothing about them.

 

Good luck! :tu:

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Thanks, Ydalir.

 

Still tumped for a unique name, I might have to go see what The Nephilim did a mistake on for when naming the Devadasi.

 

I will expand on the other things I haven't already touched on, butI can't complete orginization until I come up with a good name for the... um, other peoples!

 

Cheers, Dark Apostle Thirst

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Beleifs, genseed, orginization, and something else - it's all there, waiting for your appraisal.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Even then the Alpha Legion did not show their presence. The hundred marines began to nudge the others, slowly pointing them towards Chaos.

 

The only problem I'm having with this is that it still seems a bit too ham-handed for the Alpha Legion. Why push them towards Chaos at all? You don't need to be a chaos-worshipper to be an Alpha Legion agent. Wouldn't it be easier, with these 'moles' within the chapter to simply subtly convert a handful of marines to a different way of thinking? Perhaps just changing certain associations and thinking patterns that stay with the marine.

 

You foster trust and loyalty to make it an efficient exchange, he must trust you. Nudging a marine towards chaos while in the midst of a mostly loyalist chapter seems a bit risky, you have the most powerful and most discerning eyes in the entire chapter about you constantly. Remember the original Legions did not have Chaplains, only the Word Bearers and they were the first to fall.

 

I think it lies in how you've described it. The entire process reads like a set of bullet-points rather than an explanation or even a short summary. There are no qualifying words or sentences, nothing descriptive apart from 'this happened, followed by this'. If you can personalise your work the reader will be much more inclined to keep reading.

 

I know this is far from finished and obviously the real judging comes at the last hurdle, getting into the Librarium, but this is the first thing I picked up. The better a piece 'feels' the more interest you will get from others in Liber.

[Ace Debonair]

It was on one occasion that it caused an Alpha Legionare to reveal everything. By this time half the Chapter had converted to Chaos. The list of names that the traitor babbled out would have shown the loyalists who had betrayed them, but the traiors managed to silence those who were in the room. That is to say, all the HQ loyal were killed, and with them any hope of the Wraithes redemption.

 

I'm aware this is a rough draft. (It is a rough draft, right? :P ) But that sentence has me plotting co-ordinates for the Orbital Grammar Cannon I've been working on needs to be changed as soon as you edit the first post. It just slaps any suspension of disbelief in the mouth.

 

I think it lies in how you've described it. The entire process reads like a set of bullet-points rather than an explanation or even a short summary. There are no qualifying words or sentences, nothing descriptive apart from 'this happened, followed by this'. If you can personalise your work the reader will be much more inclined to keep reading.

 

What he said. :P

GHY has hit the nail on the head. This is presently like a list of events rather than a coherent account of a chapter's history.

 

 

Still, I have to admit they're looking better now than before. By quite a large margin, at that - keep up the good work!

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

That would be preventable if I had any writing talent at all.

 

I sympathize with Ben Counter all of a sudden.