Index Astartes: Hounds of the Hunt

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Remember:

 

The Liber is perhaps the slowest forum that sees regular attention, not only that constantly going on about a lack of comments will put people off.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

Phillip S: I'm going to wait until around the 1st of July to submit, to see if any other ideas occur to me. I have found some fluff I wrote for an early version of this Chapter (about 10 years ago). Gonna see if there are any ideas there that add to the character of the Hounds.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

Version 4.3 up. Streamlined some of the concepts presented.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

I'm currently working on a complete rewrite. I will post it as soon as I am able to finish it.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Honestly using a different font or text size to make your IA stand out just makes my eyes bleed. The standard font and size is good enough.

 

Gonna see if there are any ideas there that add to the character of the Hounds

 

As an aside, this is slightly worrying. An IA does not benefit from trying to cram as much 'uniqueness' or what you think are good ideas into it as possible. Stick with a few refined concepts and ideas and you will go much, much further.

 

It's finished not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. I still can't remember who the bugger is that first said that, but it's so, so true.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

Version 5.0 now up for critique. Thank you for your time.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

I'm working on my Chapter again. I'm currently trying to fix the flow and remove the unnecessary parts. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you for your time.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

Index Astartes: The Hounds of the Hunt

 

 

Origins

 

• The Sire

• War-torn fleet departs the Sol system, never to return

• Earliest mention is four decades after the 32nd millennium

• Departed for recruitment world

• Established presence on the planet

• They continue the Hunt (Great Crusade)

 

Home World

 

• Recruitment planet

• Wandering scattered fleet, eight different parts

• Entire Chapter returns for celestial event (80 to 90 years)

• Plains mostly, Pangaea, death world

• Nomadic tribal culture

• Worship spirits of the natural world, Emperor is the highest spirit

 

Chapter Cult

 

• prefer to harmonize with nature

• believe technology will fail, but spirit will live on

• blunt and honest, minimize ceremony

• fear corruption of their gene-seed

• dislike industrialized planets

 

Path of the Aspirant

 

• Sun Dance to pick recruits

• Potential aspirants are abducted after ceremony

• Sent to hunt a “hound”

• Implantation begins if their hunt is successful

• Vision quest before Progenoids are implanted

• Keep on home world until the Progenoids are mature and the first are removed

 

Life Blood

 

• Thought to descend from Imperial Fists or Salamanders

• Stable mutation

• Defective Occulobe and Melanochrome organ

• Absent Betcher’s gland

 

Combat Doctrine

 

• Attack from ambush

• Hide their numbers

• Offense is the best defense

• “trap and hunter” method

 

Order of Battle

 

• ten companies, no scout company

• Scouts are organic to their companies, fully Astartes

• Tenth company lead by Chapter Master, made up of recruiters, Ghosts and guardians of their home world

• Battle barge contains tenth company and a battle company

• Each battle company is accompanied by a reserve company

• Apothecaries have a slightly altered role in the chapter

• Fewer vehicles and Dreads

Edited November 14, 2010 by Madwolf Shadowmane

[NightrawenII]

Index Astartes: The Hounds of the Hunt

 

The Hounds of the Hunt are a mysterious and loyal Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes. Their origins are shrouded in rumor and the veil of time. Some have speculated that they are a horde of mutant spawn, the gene-stock of an experiment from the Emperor

Edited November 14, 2010 by NightrawenII

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

offending section removed, pending rewrite. I did not burn it with fire, but I did lightly scourch it with a heat lamp.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

I posted a new Work in Progress rewrite. The Hounds now have a known Founding and a less mysterious gene-seed source. Origins section still needs some fleshing out, as well as combat doctrine and organization. I will post more as I have it ready. Hopefully this version will provide a better "hook" to the reader. Comments appreciated. Thank you.

[NightrawenII]

Origins

He was the test subject for the formation of a new Astartes Chapter

What experiment?

 

In the modified Battle Barge, “Hunter of the Stars”, the Sire and his genetic children claimed recruitment rights to a small system on the edge of known space.

Why modified? How modified?

 

Chapter Cult

The higher the pollution the less of their gene-seed they will risk in open conflict.

The highter the pollution, the less of their gene-seed will be put at risk.

 

The Hounds value honesty; they have admitted to themselves that their curse has the potential to wipe out their existence. The failure of the Melanochrome organ in their gene-seed makes the Hounds particularly vulnerable to high radiation environments, which frequently pits the Hounds against the wishes of the Adeptus Mechanicus. The Hounds prefer to deal with heavily industrialized planets with extremetius.

This is out of place.

extremetius=Exterminatus, I suppose.

 

They revere certain canine spirits and prefer wilderness to the sterile environments of most Fortress Monasteries.

So, they are Chapter of tree-huggers or something?

 

During this event the Librarians, known among the Hounds as Spirit Seers chant the history of the Chapter from the creation of the Sire to the present.

Curses! This is name of my Chapter Librarians too.

 

Life Blood

You should put this section after the Homeworld, the sooner we know the curse, the better.

 

The implantation of bionics causes a wasting tissue disease that consumes the Hound even if the bionic part is removed.

In all fairness, this flaw works on a lot of handwavium.

 

This condition accounts for the small number of techmarines the Chapter can field as these or the 1% of the Chapter that do not manifest this disease. These blessed individuals have both Progenoids removed and placed in stasis for the most genetically pure aspirants.

This sentence is too cumbersome. I have had to read it thrice to understand.

Because of this condition the Chapter can field only handful of techmarines. The gene-seed of these, who don't manifest the disease, is put in the stasis, prepared for the most genetically pure aspirants.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

Thank you very much for the feedback.

 

QUOTE

He was the test subject for the formation of a new Astartes Chapter

 

What experiment?

Should I give a specific purpose for the gene-seed tampering or is it implied in the 21st Founding? I didn't give a specific purpose because I was under the impression that the entire 21st Founding was made to make an improved Astartes. I will revise this paragraph before I flesh it out a little.

 

QUOTE

In the modified Battle Barge, “Hunter of the Stars”, the Sire and his genetic children claimed recruitment rights to a small system on the edge of known space.

 

Why modified? How modified?

I was thinking along the lines of modified like the difference between Artificer armor and power armor, more ornate and a different silhouette.

 

QUOTE

The higher the pollution the less of their gene-seed they will risk in open conflict.

 

The highter the pollution, the less of their gene-seed will be put at risk.

will revise

 

QUOTE

The Hounds value honesty; they have admitted to themselves that their curse has the potential to wipe out their existence. The failure of the Melanochrome organ in their gene-seed makes the Hounds particularly vulnerable to high radiation environments, which frequently pits the Hounds against the wishes of the Adeptus Mechanicus. The Hounds prefer to deal with heavily industrialized planets with extremetius.

 

This is out of place.

extremetius=Exterminatus, I suppose.

I will try to fit the concept in elsewhere or tailor it to fit better. I did mean Exterminatus.

 

QUOTE

They revere certain canine spirits and prefer wilderness to the sterile environments of most Fortress Monasteries.

 

So, they are Chapter of tree-huggers or something?

Yes, but for self-preservation.

 

Life Blood

You should put this section after the Homeworld, the sooner we know the curse, the better.

 

QUOTE

The implantation of bionics causes a wasting tissue disease that consumes the Hound even if the bionic part is removed.

 

In all fairness, this flaw works on a lot of handwavium.

Should I provide more details. My theory works on the "jacked up" melanochrome organ. It was the organ tampered with to get the regeneration, which didn't work to the extent desired and instead reacts negatively to the electronic impulses passing between living tissue and the bionic pieces. Should I add this detail or should I come up with an alternate explanation? I meant to change the heading of this section back to Gene-seed, but I guess I missed it. Is the curse being presented sooner to grab the reader's attention?

 

QUOTE

This condition accounts for the small number of techmarines the Chapter can field as these or the 1% of the Chapter that do not manifest this disease. These blessed individuals have both Progenoids removed and placed in stasis for the most genetically pure aspirants.

 

This sentence is too cumbersome. I have had to read it thrice to understand.

Because of this condition the Chapter can field only handful of techmarines. The gene-seed of these, who don't manifest the disease, is put in the stasis, prepared for the most genetically pure aspirants.

I will revise for clarity

 

Thank you again for your comments. I will work on some of the other missing sections.

[NightrawenII]

Should I give a specific purpose for the gene-seed tampering or is it implied in the 21st Founding? I didn't give a specific purpose because I was under the impression that the entire 21st Founding was made to make an improved Astartes. I will revise this paragraph before I flesh it out a little.

You present the Sire as The Guy. He is obviously important for your Chapter, so you should flesh him out.

 

I was thinking along the lines of modified like the difference between Artificer armor and power armor, more ornate and a different silhouette.

Battle Barges have no class nor unified design, so it's difficult to tell such difference, as you describe.

 

Should I provide more details. My theory works on the "jacked up" melanochrome organ. It was the organ tampered with to get the regeneration, which didn't work to the extent desired and instead reacts negatively to the electronic impulses passing between living tissue and the bionic pieces. Should I add this detail or should I come up with an alternate explanation?

Heh, do you realize the marine is connected to the Power Armour via neuro-connectors?

 

I meant to change the heading of this section back to Gene-seed, but I guess I missed it. Is the curse being presented sooner to grab the reader's attention?

No, you talk about the problems caused by the gene-seed in the Chapter Cult section. It's better to explain this curse before.

Edited November 24, 2010 by NightrawenII

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

NightrawenII, your comments have been extremely helpful. Thank you for your time.

 

Fleshed out the Origins section. Revised several paragraphs. I have altered the curse so its doesn't preclude the use of power armor. Added a sidebar with more details on the Sire. I will work on the last 4 sections tomorrow. Please keep the comments coming.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

Revised several sections and added the ones that were missing. Also added a few sidebars. Gonna let this sit for a few days and then return to see if I can streamline it.

[NightrawenII]

Origins

False Primarch

- I'm strongly suggesting to avoid any mention of the word "primarch".

 

The Sire refused to expose the natives of the Hounds’ new home world to the advanced technology of the Imperium. He forbade his children from making their existence known to the native populace.

- Why?

 

Homeworld

Upon exploration of the system the Hounds made a covert planetfall. They set up a base camp in an inactive volcano crater. The Sire organized and led several reconnaissance missions to obtain knowledge of the natives. The Sire gave strict orders to the Hounds to remain unknown to the local populace.

- Which pose a question: Why didn't they set up their base on other planet or on the E-moons? Right now, there is always danger to be discovered by chance.

 

Life Blood

To be honest, I don't like the curse at all. I can't see, how they can keep going after 4k years. But this is just personal opinion, feel free to ignore it.

 

Chapter Cult

The Hounds distrust technology, they will utilize it, but expect it to turn on them if their vigilance waivers.

- Ya'now, the "technology" also encompass the Power Armour, Bolter and Chainsword. The word you are looking for is "machine".

To be honest, this superstition makes your marines looks like bunch of preposterous children.

 

They send marines to Mars only out of necessity and much like Librarians of other Chapters; these techmarines are never fully trusted upon their return to the fold.

- Techmarines are distrusted in many Chapters by default.

 

They resist warp travel as much as possible. When a Hound is exposed to the Warp his remaining Progenoid is removed and destroyed to prevent any possible taint of Chaos.

- Nonsense. How do they travel then?

 

Path of the Aspirant

The aspirants are then given a choice, become a warrior of the Emperor, described as the Great Thunderbird, or die alone as carrion for canine predators.

- I LOLed really hard. Do you realize this is not a choice?

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

Origins

False Primarch

- I'm strongly suggesting to avoid any mention of the word "primarch".

Changed, but why should I have avoided it in this instance?

 

The Sire refused to expose the natives of the Hounds’ new home world to the advanced technology of the Imperium. He forbade his children from making their existence known to the native populace.

- Why?

Good question. I'm sure I had a good answer when I wrote it. I will think on this one.

 

Homeworld

Upon exploration of the system the Hounds made a covert planetfall. They set up a base camp in an inactive volcano crater. The Sire organized and led several reconnaissance missions to obtain knowledge of the natives. The Sire gave strict orders to the Hounds to remain unknown to the local populace.

- Which pose a question: Why didn't they set up their base on other planet or on the E-moons? Right now, there is always danger to be discovered by chance.

I wanted them to have a presence on the planet, where they can readily abduct aspirants.

 

Life Blood

To be honest, I don't like the curse at all. I can't see, how they can keep going after 4k years. But this is just personal opinion, feel free to ignore it.

I have some issues about it too, but it gives reasons for certain themes I want.

 

Chapter Cult

The Hounds distrust technology, they will utilize it, but expect it to turn on them if their vigilance waivers.

- Ya'now, the "technology" also encompass the Power Armour, Bolter and Chainsword. The word you are looking for is "machine".

To be honest, this superstition makes your marines looks like bunch of preposterous children.

I will have to disagree about the preposterous children. The technology vs machine issue I will have to think about and come back to.

 

They send marines to Mars only out of necessity and much like Librarians of other Chapters; these techmarines are never fully trusted upon their return to the fold.

- Techmarines are distrusted in many Chapters by default.

My initial reaction to this quote was to say, "But my Chapter distrusts them more!", after that was the thought that I should alter the quote to say sometime more about the character of the Hounds. I will work on it.

 

They resist warp travel as much as possible. When a Hound is exposed to the Warp his remaining Progenoid is removed and destroyed to prevent any possible taint of Chaos.

- Nonsense. How do they travel then?

I left out a very important word in that sentence, "directly". They travel via the Warp but do it reluctantly. fixed the sentence in the IA.

 

Path of the Aspirant

The aspirants are then given a choice, become a warrior of the Emperor, described as the Great Thunderbird, or die alone as carrion for canine predators.

- I LOLed really hard. Do you realize this is not a choice?

Literally it is a choice. I know most will choose life over death. At this point the aspirants still believe the Great Thunderbird is the senior spirit in their religion. The choice, but no choice thing was intentional. They must choose between facing the unknown and a death that is known.

 

Thank you for your comments.

[NightrawenII]

Changed, but why should I have avoided it in this instance?

Because inventing Primarch for your Chapter is bad(cheesy, beardy) as it is. Stating that the Sire is false Primarch is just adding oil in the fire.

 

I wanted them to have a presence on the planet, where they can readily abduct aspirants.

But you marines want to be unknown to the populace. You can't hide them for too long, if you have the Fortress-Monastery on the planet.

 

I will have to disagree about the preposterous children.

How it come?

Yes, the 90% of SM believe, if they don't tend their bolter the machine-spirit gets angry and begins to malfunction. However they don't distrust their wargear. Having no confidence in your own tools is road to perdition.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

Because inventing Primarch for your Chapter is bad(cheesy, beardy) as it is. Stating that the Sire is false Primarch is just adding oil in the fire.

The Sire is not a Primarch, He was the first to receive the Hound gene-seed. Basically he's a lab rat. His Progenoids were used to grow the rest of the Chapter's original gene-seed. The Primarchs didn't have Progenoids the Gene-seed for the Legions was cultured from there genetic material.

 

But you marines want to be unknown to the populace. You can't hide them for too long, if you have the Fortress-Monastery on the planet.

Why not, the North American Continent was "hidden" for over one thousand years. Most of the time there is less than a hundred marines on Eametanene at any given time, except for the 20 days of the Rites of Remembrance which happens once every 80 to 90 years.

 

How it come?

Yes, the 90% of SM believe, if they don't tend their bolter the machine-spirit gets angry and begins to malfunction. However they don't distrust their wargear. Having no confidence in your own tools is road to perdition.

I understand now. I need to explain this distrust better. The Hounds do not fear their wargear. Gellar fields, Teleporters, and servitors are more along the lines of things they distrust. I will work on better wording for this part of the IA.

 

Thank you for your comments

[NightrawenII]

The Sire is not a Primarch, He was the first to receive the Hound gene-seed. Basically he's a lab rat. His Progenoids were used to grow the rest of the Chapter's original gene-seed. The Primarchs didn't have Progenoids the Gene-seed for the Legions was cultured from there genetic material.

Then don't call him a Primarch.

 

Why not, the North American Continent was "hidden" for over one thousand years. Most of the time there is less than a hundred marines on Eametanene at any given time, except for the 20 days of the Rites of Remembrance which happens once every 80 to 90 years.

Ehm...:

Eametanene is a “feral world” with a single Pangaea continent made up of mostly plains.

 

Fotress-Monastery is on the same continent. This is like hiding it in the middle of France.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

Then don't call him a Primarch.

I did not call the Sire a Primarch, the sidebar was discussing how he is not a Primarch. The sidebar no longer makes much sense with the new title so I will probably remove it.

 

Eametanene is a “feral world” with a single Pangaea continent made up of mostly plains.

 

Fotress-Monastery is on the same continent. This is like hiding it in the middle of France.

The Sanctuary of the Stars is not a true Fortress Monastery. The buildings that make up the Sanctuary are inside a dormant volcano. Not readily accessible from the ground and the nomadic tribesmen can't fly. Anyone that comes close is killed or inducted if young enough.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

Changed the curse. reworded several sections. streamlined Traditions sidebar. Comments welcome.

[Apothete]

I understand now. I need to explain this distrust better. The Hounds do not fear their wargear. Gellar fields, Teleporters, and servitors are more along the lines of things they distrust. I will work on better wording for this part of the IA.

 

...they fear the single thing that keeps warpfaring starships from being overrun by daemons?

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

The Hounds don't fear Gellar fields or hover technology, they just expect it to fail. I'm reviewing the entire IA again to clean things up an better explain a few themes. Thank you for your comments.