Corsairs Serpentis (again)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

At the moment this 'first draft' is just a collection of notes that I wrote in reaction to some of the discussion in the previous thread, which means while it all comes from the same page IA wise, it's a little bit disjointed and sometimes starts in the middle given that some parts haven't quite been fully fleshed out yet and others seem to have grown their legs before the head, torso or arms.

I have some preliminary additions to make to the notes, but I thought I should post them just to get a bit of an idea what people think while I worked, and also to eliminate some terrible formatting brought over from notepad. There is obviously much more to be added but I am not rushing this. I have burned out with my chapters before and am now taking a much more measured approach to the Corsairs along with my others that may follow.

If this takes me till the end of the year to work up to submission-quality then so be it, I don't want to burn out on my favourite chapters again through simple impatience.

Unfortunately I just realised that I don't have an Origins section, where I thought I had. Bugger. Well since that is still in flux in my head I can excuse myself, though it won't help if I never get one done. Unfortunately the loss of some of the sections that have yet to be written might make it a bit confusing for someone who isn't already familliar with the Corsairs as have been worked on before and for those people I would ask to bear with me while more sections are added.

As always any C&C is welcomed with open arms.

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(Recruitment)

The Corsairs quickly expanded, each company being assigned a handful of the larger and more dominant tribes on the planet to recruit from. Smaller tribal groups that wished to benefit from the trading of their young to help their tribe were required to negotiate with their larger rivals to be allowed a place in the proving trials. Each trial contained tests of skill and endurance as befitted their surroundings. The first day of the proving is when the tribes children are tested in their natural environment.

As the day draws to a close, the most promising of the assembled youths are taken by the Corsairs but unlike many other chapters, those that did not make the cut and survived were returned to their tribes with a gift, a fine blade to mark the boy's courage and ability to even survive the trials where so many do not.

Upon survival of the many trials faced by the new recruits and their elevation into one of the great companies themselves they are given a new name and the Tughra of their company is tattoo'd upon their right cheek. It is a time of great celebration amongst the normally grim Corsairs, a reflection of the celebration of a new birth in the tribes on Alamin. An entire day is given up to the welcoming of the new men of the company into their new family. During the Celebration competitions of strength and skill are held, the victors in each are marked by the companies Elders for even then the work of the chapter does not completely fall by the wayside.

New initiates are given their personal weapons made specifically for them, a sword and short blade created in the traditional style of the Alameni tribes. On Alamin metal is virtually nonexistant and such weapons are usually carved out of the thick bones of the worlds natural predators, such a blade forged from the materials an Astartes chapter is privy to is worth it's weight in blood to these men and are cherished. A Corsair is only parted with his proving blades upon his death and will go through any length to retrieve a lost blade. It is perhaps the only matter upon which a Corsair will put his own honour above his mission, the blades are direct representation his worth as a warrior to have joined the Astartes and are not given up lightly.

(Combat Doctrine)

It is rare for the Corsairs to either allow an enemy to force them into a large-scale engagement if they can help it nor to persue such a course themselves, preferring to rely on raiding parties and small forces designed to decimate the enemies command structure. To cut off the head and leave the body helpless.

Generally the Corsairs prefer a mix of infantry and bikes working in concert, one to infiltrate and hit the enemy at close quarters where the Corsair excell and the other to take full advantage of the confusion and cause as much damage as possible to the most sensitive areas in the least amount of time. Heavy vehicles typically play little part in Corsair operations unless the need presents itself. Heavily entrenched enemies and assaults upon well defended redoubts force the Corsairs to bring forth their heaviest weapons to safeguard their brethren.

Alamin (homeworld)

Before it's destruction the world of Alamin was home to a nomadic peoples. Resources were scarce and the environment naturally unforgiving in nature. The people were broken up into tribes that moved between gathering places, taking only what was needed for survival. Justice was harsh and discipline for all members of one group was paramount. Nothing that threatened the survival of the tribe was permitted and almost all crimes of such nature were punishable by death or exile.

Fighting between the tribes was common due to tight resources at hand, as to the nature of their continued survival open warfare was extremely rare. Disputes usually consisted of a select group of the tribes most competant fighters skirmishing against their opposites. Raiding was the order of the day, with the highest honour going to those that could slip into the enemies camp and murder their opposition without detection. Those of such skill were held in high regard for if the right opponent was laid low, the feud could be ended the next day, saving their tribes men from risking themselves for such a cause.

Few and far between were the events that brought the tribes together in mutual causes. If a band of desert predators had become too large and dangerous to be allowed to continue to harrass the tribes or if a band of exile raiders threatened too many groups at once. The good of all the tribes was always put first, survival as always was paramount.

The coming of the Corsairs brought new problems to be faced. The children they took were always the strongest and most gifted of the tribe and deprived them of strong warriors. The Corsairs recognised the problem and gifted the tribes they took children from with supplies enough to support the group for a time and as such the exchange was eventually greeted with approval by the always practical tribal elders.

(Organisation)

"In youth we learn; in age we understand." - Elder Ibrahim

The Corsairs have evolved into a system of organisation similar to the Space Wolves, inspired by the tribes of Alamin. Each company is self-contained and self-sufficient, housing their own veterans, support vehicles and so on. All of the companies however travel together when not on campaign. The last of their people travel with them on their warships and as such no lives can be put in needless jeapoardy. Space Marines may look forward to a lifetime of war, but they do so to protect their people and those of the wider Imperium.

New recruits are given their proving blades and set upon the enemy with the passion of youth. As an initiate ages and gains experience in the ways of war his status within the company is elevated. In this the Corsairs adhere an ancient adage: "The Emperor will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars."

[Donkey Kong]

Alright GHY, I'll see the Corsairs through.

 

(Recruitment)

 

Is each company limited to recruiting from certain tribes or are recruits taken from all tribes on a world periodically and split amongst the companies in need of reinforcement?

 

Ie: Are they like the White Scars who force the tribes to integrate or are they like the Salamanders who have each company recruiting from a certain group and have each Company made up of only a certain group?

 

Alamin (homeworld)

 

At what point does the Chapter being taking tribes and transporting them around the Sector/ Sub Sector?

 

If the Tribes reacted poorly to the idea of the Chapter taking children, how do they react to them taking an entire working population? Otherwise, would they be happy since there would be less competition for resources? Does the Chapter transport entire tribes or members from each tribe, forcing them to integrate and form new tribes on new worlds in the process.

 

(Organisation)

 

The last of their people travel with them on their warships and as such no lives can be put in needless jeapoardy.

 

So, considering this, what is the current status of the Corsairs spreading their people throughout the nearby worlds?

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Yay my first comment! ;)

 

Ie: Are they like the White Scars who force the tribes to integrate or are they like the Salamanders who have each company recruiting from a certain group and have each Company made up of only a certain group?

 

Well at first I was leaning towards the Salamanders, but the more I think of it I might stick to a more successor friendly White Scars mix, since they are actually WS successors.

 

At what point does the Chapter being taking tribes and transporting them around the Sector/ Sub Sector?

 

I was going to address this in the History section. The Homeworld piece is paying particular attention to the culture and relative geography of the homeworld and it's people.

 

Really they are going to start doing that probably at the same point as the Vipers return to lay waste to their Homeworld. The Corsairs would forsee them going for Alemin and begin distributing the people across the sector as they saw fit. I'll write things in as they come I suppose.

 

Alright GHY, I'll see the Corsairs through.

 

;) You're the one who was previously trying to drag me kicking and screaming forward with the Corsairs! Though I am glad to have your input KHK, I appreciate it as always.

[Dosjetka]

Hello GHY

 

Well, lets get started then! ;)

 

Firstly, I just love your colour scheme, pure awesomeness!

 

Secondly, I would like to know about the destruction of their homeworld please! ;)

 

Thirdly, the Thugra, is that a symbol, different from company to company?

 

Fourthly,

...and are not given up lightly.

. This should be "...and they are given up only when recovery is all but impossible." or something along those lines. It shows the bond with their bond much more and the will of the Astartes to recover it, no matter what.

 

Fithly, I'm being picky here, but you put

...and discipline for all members of one group was paramount.

and then

...survival as always was paramount.

There's conflict in between the two statements, they should be united in some way. It may just be the way it's written but it nags me...anyway, you do what you want, it's just that it caught my attention.

 

Anyway, this is quite good, I enjoyed reading it. ;) I'll be keeping a close eye on this thread ;)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Hello GHY

 

Hello! :P

 

 

Secondly, I would like to know about the destruction of their homeworld please!

 

Thirdly, the Thugra, is that a symbol, different from company to company?

 

The homeworlds destruction was discussed in the previous thread, but that thread is not this thread and I should really explain. The destruction of the Corsairs homeworld is a key part in their history, in that it is the culmination of a feud between them and another loyalist chapter. I'll have something more in-depth to edit the main post with when I can collate the discussion that has already taken place.

 

On the Tughra, see this wikipedia link. In essence it is the Companies individual symbol. It is a type of stylised signiature for arabic script and naming convention.

 

This should be "...and they are given up only when recovery is all but impossible." or something along those lines. It shows the bond with their bond much more and the will of the Astartes to recover it, no matter what.

 

I geuss I may have understated the strength of the bond between the marine and the blades he is given, I'll see what I can think of to make it a more significant trait.

 

There's conflict in between the two statements, they should be united in some way. It may just be the way it's written but it nags me...anyway, you do what you want, it's just that it caught my attention.

 

I don't see the conflict, though I seem to be using the same phrases over and over, which is never a good thing. I'll take a closer look though. If it caught your attention it should typically be looked at for unless it's a feature of the chapter designed to do so it's usually a problem and I'm glad you saw it.

 

Thanks Ludovic!

[Dosjetka]

There's conflict in between the two statements, they should be united in some way. It may just be the way it's written but it nags me...anyway, you do what you want, it's just that it caught my attention.

 

I don't see the conflict, though I seem to be using the same phrases over and over, which is never a good thing. I'll take a closer look though. If it caught your attention it should typically be looked at for unless it's a feature of the chapter designed to do so it's usually a problem and I'm glad you saw it.

 

Thanks Ludovic!

I'm not an expert in these things but it just nagged me and made me think "seen this before, doesn't work well..." :huh:

 

You're welcome to it! :lol:

[Ace Debonair]

Awesome.

 

It's taken a while to get to this stage, but it's looking pretty good so far. :D

 

If you want a quote for the homeworld bit, I could recommend something along the lines of:

"Alamin was the land of our homes in days long gone. Now it lives only in the spirit of our people."

 

Or something else slightly sorrowful. Reinforces the view that the Corsairs are the good guys by making us feel slightly sorry for them. :)

 

Ah, this chapter is fun.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

I like that quote Ace. I might just steal that.

 

Ah, this chapter is fun.

 

It is indeed. I am much preferring taking it slow and steady rather than rushing ahead as I used to. It gives me much more time to think things through and balance certain things out. I might not have a terrible amount to show for it after the weeks I've left off posting about the Corsairs but sometimes I find it a bit overwhelming to constantly be reworking and editing things in and out.

 

And no, the blades will not become some sort of surrogate currancy! There won't be enough of them getting about. One per family I should change it, not per aspirant.

 

Also what I said earlier in response to KHK about the Corsairs only distributing the people after the conflict, that's not right as I had totally forgot the entire reasoning for there being a conflict between the Star Adders and the Corsairs in the first place. It was to be that the Adders accidentally (or on purpose, who knows) managed to wipe out a colony of the Corsairs people on another world, much to the Corsairs dismay and anger. Cue large bloody feud. :)

[Ace Debonair]

I like that quote Ace. I might just steal that.

 

Do it!

 

And no, the blades will not become some sort of surrogate currancy! There won't be enough of them getting about. One per family I should change it, not per aspirant.

 

Ah, you saw where I was going with that. :) They could always just give them a well-made knife using traditional Alaminian materials instead of metal, though.

 

 

 

Also what I said earlier in response to KHK about the Corsairs only distributing the people after the conflict, that's not right as I had totally forgot the entire reasoning for there being a conflict between the Star Adders and the Corsairs in the first place. It was to be that the Adders accidentally (or on purpose, who knows) managed to wipe out a colony of the Corsairs people on another world, much to the Corsairs dismay and anger. Cue large bloody feud. :P

 

Looking forward to seeing said large bloody feud written up, I must say.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Threadomancy extroadinare indeed.

 

After some ridiculous problems with my ISP I am entering the fray once more dear friends. Apologies for dissapearing once again, but having your internet cut off, then the company not having the wherewithall to help me out is not the easiest of obstacles to overcome.

 

In any case I am going to be at the Corsairs again soon.

[Dosjetka]

In any case I am going to be at the Corsairs again soon.

Good! :P ;)

[Captain Juan Juarez]

In any case I am going to be at the Corsairs again soon.

Good! :cuss :D

 

Yeah, hurry up dude.. Sod real life, get this going again!

 

EDIT: And yes, I'm starting to hate people who do clever things with paint schemes ;)

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

But... But... There is no serpens pattern power armour. Corvus, Aquaila, Iron, Maximus, and whatever 4 is (not serpens) are all availible, (I would say one and two are also but no-one uses them anymore) however you cannot create a new pattern of power armour.

 

Now, you can bastardize several different marks for one suit of armour but that tends to be highly personal.

 

However, I do like your color scheme. :jaw:

[Captain Juan Juarez]

DAT for all we know it is Mk. 6, but by a different name.

[Ace Debonair]

I suspect it's just the name for the colour scheme, rather than the actual armour - but a good point nonetheless.

[Dosjetka]

No more updates GHY? :)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Ahhhh yeah I know. Don't lynch me! I'm just a struggling artist! (Yeah as if we haven't heard that one before.)

 

The fact is getting a new full-time job has limited my free time so comprehensively that I am still trying to get used to it after being a casual worker for so long. I do want to complete the Corsairs very much and I appreciate the support that has been given by everyone who has posted so far and in previous threads. I will be working on these guys but at a much reduced pace.

 

I apologise for the lack of updates, I don't say this because I know you all want to see more of my unbelievably awesome work, but the fact that I do understand that in helping and commenting on someone elses chapter you yourself become attached to seeing that particular work evolve towards completion. I know some of you have put work into pushing me to get these guys on the right track here and there and I do appreciate it, so trust me when I say that the Corsairs are far from forgotten,

 

Thanks again, hopefully I'll have something more to post soon!

[Ace Debonair]

I will be working on these guys but at a much reduced pace.

 

Unacceptable! :lol:

 

 

Speaking as someone who recently finished a long stretch of full-time work, I know what you mean. :P

 

It's good to see these guys aren't forgotten, though. As a matter of fact, I was reading this only a few days back and wondering how the ideas for these guys were coming along.

But be aware, once you do update these guys KHK and myself will pounce on this thread again and there will be no escape! :D

[Dosjetka]

Yay! Can't wait for update! :P

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Quick post, idea for a sidebar. This is rather rough and written before going to sleep so forgive any... serrated edges. It needs to be cut down significantly I do realise, but whatever, here-goes.

 

Mua'lim, the exile.

 

Mua'lim had once been a member of the third largest tribe on the face of Alemin. His crimes were many, though not against his own tribe, but against their largest rival. He repeatedly snuck into their camp and stole their supplies, slashed their tents and, if possible, bedded their impressionable women. All this he did alone and without admitance to any other of his tribe or family. When next the tribes met for trade and parlay he was recognised by the tribes women and was charged with many crimes by their families to save face. Charged with so disrupting the peace for his own ego, Mua'lim was exciled. Not once during his trial did he deny any of the claims nor did he attempt to list their rivals flaws or lack of judgement. When the trial was complete he hugged his family, thanked his friends and left without a backward glance.

 

Decades went by and most assumed he had perished alone in the wastes. A meeting between the tribes took place once more on the anniversary of his excile, though none but the elder tribesmen remembered such. The Corsairs had come to take their tithe of young warriors, the thunderhawk coming out of the dawn sun as if from nowhere. As the aspirants were assembled and examined a cry went up from the watchmen, a lone rider approached. Mua'lim had returned, though he was not truly alone. The elders were shocked he was still alive. Their shock turned to total disbelief as after reminding him of his excile and denying him entry to the gathering, Mua'lim smiled and shook his head, a small boy sliding from the saddle behind him. An exciles curse was his to bear alone and his son as he claimed him, was to be allowed entry and to be tested by the Corsairs.

 

The boy was more than acceptable and was one of the first aspirants to pass the proving that cycle. On the next anniversary of his fathers re-emergence he will have serverd for two hundred years.

 

It needs to be tightened up, shortened and the focus played around with a lot. The main idea was for an exciles child to become a Corsair, a one in a million chance beyond even that of simply becoming an Astartes as-is.

 

Any suggestions with how to clean this up would be appreciated.

 

EDIT:

Yay! Can't wait for update!

 

Oh, and your enthusiasm is appreciated Ludovic. :)

 

As is yours Ace!

[Ace Debonair]

Alrighty. Let me try to neaten that up for you. There's a few spelling mistakes that I can see.

Hopefully I don't presume too much - this is the first time I've tried re-writing someone else's work. ;)

 

Mua'lim, the exile.

 

Mua'lim had once been a member of the third largest tribe on the face of Alamin. His crimes,were many, and against his tribe's largest rival. He repeatedly snuck into their camps, stealing supplies, slashing tents and if possible, bedding their impressionable women. All this he did alone and without admitance to any other of his tribe. When next the two tribes met for trade and parlay he was recognised by the rival tribe's women, and was charged with many crimes by their families. Charged with so disrupting the peace for his own ego, Mua'lim was exiled. Not once during his trial did he deny any of the claims or argue in his defence. When the trial was complete he embraced his family, thanked his fellow tribesmen and left without a backward glance.

 

Decades went by and most assumed he had perished alone in the wastes. A meeting between the tribes took place once more on the day the Corsairs Serpentis had come to take their tithe of young warriors. The thunderhawk came out of the dawning sun as if from nowhere. As the aspirants were assembled and examined a cry went up from the watchmen, for a lone rider approached. Mua'lim had returned, though he was not truly alone. The gathered tribesmen were shocked he was still alive. After reminding him of his exile and denying him entry to the gathering Mua'lim smiled and shook his head. The shock of the tribesmen turned to total disbelief as a small boy slid from the saddle behind him. Mua'lim spoke, so all could hear, that an exile's curse was his to bear alone and his son was thusly as worthy as any other. The boy was then chosen by the recruiters for the Corsairs.

 

In time, the boy proved more than acceptable and was one of the first aspirants to pass the proving that cycle. By the time of the next recruitment cycle he will have served for two hundred years.

 

As for cutting down, though, you're on your own. :lol:

I like the story a lot. It'd be ironic, wouldn't it, if one day the Exile's son became a Captain... ;)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

I appreciate the effort Ace. ;)

 

I think what I need to do is take the focus off the Exile and transfer the same narrative (as in, still be focussed on the nature of being an exile) to the child and his, so far, brief service to the chapter.

 

I was also thinking on the nature of the Tribes themselves. I think that the introduction of the Corsairs into such a culture would irrevocably alter some aspects of it, namely it's patriachal nature and the focus on hunting and militant protection.

 

Any tribe that consistantly bred fine recruits for the Corsairs would inevitably be deprived of warriors and herdsmen for their tribe. Instead they would have more women and a regular influx of the most valuable resources on the planet: food and water.

 

Perhaps some these tribes changed to a matriachal society and were forced to rely on economic power rather than military power, changing the political landscape of the entire culture, needing to both trade for their own survival and to keep strong recruits available for the Corsairs. Those tribes that faired less admirably in the selection would have more warriors to fight with and would either make war upon the 'wealthier' tribes or ally themselves with them to ensure survival.

 

 

It might be a bit too detailed to put into the IA but it was interesting to think about nonetheless. While I would love nothing more to have the Corsairs gain the same amount of creative expresion put forth by say, Commissar Molotov's Castigators for example, or KingHongKong's Death Heads I would rather the article be reasonably finished in terms of how a regular IA would look before I even think about expanding even further.

[Dosjetka]

I think that maybe the tribes that offer recruits to the Corsairs should either negotiate with their wealth for the bigger, stronger tribes to leave them alone or to have some kind of pact for one tribe to protect them in exchange of resources and other goods. Is that what you were thinking of?

[Donkey Kong]

Mua'lim had once been a member of the third largest tribe on the face of Alamin. His crimes,were many, and against his tribe's largest rival. He repeatedly snuck into infiltrated their camps, stealing supplies, slashing tents and if possible, bedding their impressionable women. All this he did alone and without admitance to any other of his tribe. When next the two tribes met for trade and parlay he was recognised by the rival tribe's women, and was charged with many crimes by their families. Charged with so disrupting the peace for his own ego, Mua'lim was exiled. Not once during his trial did he deny any of the claims or argue in his defence. When the trial was complete he embraced his family, thanked his fellow tribesmen and left without a backward glance.

 

Decades went by and most assumed he had perished alone in the wastes. A meeting between the tribes took place once more on the day the Corsairs Serpentis had come to take their tithe of young warriors. The thunderhawk came out of the dawning sun as if from nowhere. As the aspirants were assembled and examined a cry went up from the watchmen, for a lone rider approached. Mua'lim had returned, though he was not truly alone. The gathered tribesmen were shocked he was still alive. After reminding him of his exile and denying him entry to the gathering Mua'lim smiled and shook his head. The shock of the tribesmen turned to total disbelief as a small boy slid from the saddle behind him. Mua'lim spoke, so all could hear, that an exile's curse was his to bear alone and his son was thusly as worthy as any other. The boy was then chosen by the recruiters for the Corsairs.

 

In time, the boy proved more than acceptable and was one of the first aspirants to pass the proving that cycle. By the time of the next recruitment cycle he will have served for two hundred years.

 

In the beginning of this, I assumed the Corsairs had actually taken the resident into the Chapter as an operative. I actually think that would have been a bit cooler.

 

Bedding impressionable women? If it takes that long for a tribe to respond to an infiltration (especially involving something like beat), :lol: that's just sad.

Also, considering the justice system, wouldn't he sooner be executed than exiled? If you have a Corsair representative present during the trial, well, it just makes it make more sense.

 

Any tribe that consistantly bred fine recruits for the Corsairs would inevitably be deprived of warriors and herdsmen for their tribe. Instead they would have more women and a regular influx of the most valuable resources on the planet: food and water.

 

I think there is a little too much assumption in this, a tribe would possibly be fairly large, and it's not like recruitment is an extremely frequent occurrence. If you have the Corsairs recruit from different regions of the world every time the come, you could have a far more simple system. Plus, if you're still spreading their people, the recruiting population is drastically increased.

 

Tribes should have some sort of intermingling, possibly even splitting if necessary. If you want you can trace the heritage of some of the larger tribes when adding onto things. I'm sure some more warlike tribes would assimilate more craftsman like ones to work with them or for them.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Perhaps part of the story was done in bad taste, but it was more of a rough 'boys tale' rather than a serious interpretation. As much as I wouldn't shy away from an issue like a brutal relationship between tribesmen and women of opposing groups if it added something to the creation that wasn't insensitive or, as said earlier, in bad taste I similarly don't think it's needed in regard to Astartes so don't worry about that.

 

Secondly, the idea to have the excile himself be recruited by the Corsairs would be different, but I feel that him being exciled and living alone in the desert for all that time would rather make him a great survivalist, but not an infiltrator. A good infiltrator needs to be well socialised and an expert in social interaction between both individuals and groups, able to read what is both said and that left unuttered.

 

It could also be an introduction to the previously cut Alpha Legion influence, where did the child come from and how were the odds with him to become a marine? Either he was blessed by the Emperor or something more sisnister, but I want to stay away from actually 'saying' anything though. I'd much rather the excile part be the sole focus than muddy it up for no gain.

 

The Exciles child becoming a marine was more of a social commentary on the chapter and I'd rather address how he is treated within the chapter, or regarded by them for his heritage. Something to highlight the tribal nature that has become intertwined so deeply in the chapters structure and mindset.

 

 

Also, considering the justice system, wouldn't he sooner be executed than exiled? If you have a Corsair representative present during the trial, well, it just makes it make more sense.

 

Well each man is dealt with by his own tribe. If he has wronged another tribe then I don't know if his own would particularly care to give their rivals the satisfaction of his death. It may be required to keep the peace, but I doubt they would be quite so concilliatory towards a group they would otherwise consider their enemies if the reverse had happened.