Myrmidons

[Walter Payton]

If the theme is Achilles' warriors, then read The Illiad before you do this. The film doesn't have the same name as the book on which it is based for a reason.

[Donkey Kong]

Nice If i may i would like to use this with my Chapter, Also do you know the line in troy where Achilles turns and speaks to his men? What he Said before landing on the beach

 

"Myrmidons! My brothers of the sword! I would rather fight beside you than any army of thousands! Let no man forget how menacing we are, we are lions! Do you know what's waiting beyond that beach? Immortality! Take it! It's yours!"

 

Source, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0332452/quotes

 

Also, as a recommendation

 

"There are no pacts between lions and men*"

 

*Men obviously replaced by "traitors", "xenos" or some other such.

 

If the theme is Achilles' warriors, then read The Illiad before you do this. The film doesn't have the same name as the book on which it is based for a reason.

 

In all fairness, the Illiad doesn't fit the archetype for a more 40k story. Agamemnon sacrificing his daughter to set sail, Achilles killed before even entering Troy, the Gods are far too involved, it actually made me like it more when the movie didn't involve divine intervention.

 

I would have preferred some things staying the same, most of all Ajax carrying Achilles.

 

Do not include direct name references.

Achilles was amazing, we get that. Hector was pretty cool. Problem? It takes away some of the imagination, replacing what should be "your" characters with movie ones.

 

No. Your Chapter is not a member of the Second Founding. Remove that immediately. The Second Founding is GW territory.

 

Considering how you're following the movie, I'm surprised that you're not going with lion heraldry in place of a Greek helm.

 

As has been said before, battles don't belong in IAs, and if you stick them in, stick them in sidebars.

[Sigismund Himself]

No. Your Chapter is not a member of the Second Founding. Remove that immediately. The Second Founding is GW territory.

There's space among the Ultramarine successors from the Second Founding (there's 26 and they haven't all been named) so he can do it. However, it's generally easily to use another founding as it avoids MISS and you don't have to spend half your Origins section on the splitting of the legion details.

[tehkonraf]

Hey man, nice name, and basic ideas. Also look, I know the adage about thinking alike and such, and I really don't mean to sound angry or something but your colour scheme looks quite a lot like my dark sentinels. Now they (and me) aren't exactly famous, so I'm not going to tell you to change it heaps, but just pointing it out. (Mine are bit more blinged up and shiny, which, given my background is about right :) ) Yours do look awesome though.

Heres two of mine for comparison:

http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx125/tehkonraf/darksentinel1stcompanydude.jpg

 

http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx125/tehkonraf/darksentinel2ndcompanyassualtmarine.jpg

 

Coincedence? I think probably.

[Ace Debonair]

Ok, ok, let's think about this.

 

The idea of loosely basing an IA off of the story of Troy is a novel one, likewise the potential inclusion of characters with similar attributes. I'd change the names, though, like KHK said.

 

But rather than unleash some raw criticism power before you really begin, I'm going to reccomend The Guide to DIYing. It's a great read and will put your feet on the right path.

 

The Octaguide is also there in case you need anything further clarifying.

 

Like I said before, take your time and have fun. :)

 

EDIT: With regards to colour schemes - a lot of chapters look alike, for better or worse. It's not really so big of a deal, so long as they aren't exactly the same.

[Walter Payton]

If the theme is Achilles' warriors, then read The Illiad before you do this. The film doesn't have the same name as the book on which it is based for a reason.

 

In all fairness, the Illiad doesn't fit the archetype for a more 40k story. Agamemnon sacrificing his daughter to set sail, Achilles killed before even entering Troy, the Gods are far too involved, it actually made me like it more when the movie didn't involve divine intervention.

 

I agree in part, but if the theme is Troy, reading The Illiad, the most prominent work of fiction about the war, would help enormously. Furthermore, the style of writing adopted by Homer is also excellent for IA writing.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Sometimes it scares me the breadth of knowledge some B&C members have..

 

I tried to read the Illiad wehn I was 9.. I got a bit bored.

 

My favourtie interpretation of the fall of Troy is actuall the "semi-ficitonal" version in David Gemmel's fantasy works on the subject.. heresy, I know, but I love Gemmell.

[Walter Payton]

Sometimes it scares me the breadth of knowledge some B&C members have..

 

I tried to read the Illiad wehn I was 9.. I got a bit bored.

 

My favourtie interpretation of the fall of Troy is actuall the "semi-ficitonal" version in David Gemmel's fantasy works on the subject.. heresy, I know, but I love Gemmell.

 

Swift and terrible winds struck Captain Juarez down, but he pressed, on, holding one gauntlet to his face, his long cloak fluttering behind him. He reached the precipice, looking out over the edge. A swirling green vortex was visible. From the churning and widening gyre, a voice spoke forth, "YOU HAVE PROVED YOURSELF WORTHY. BEHOLD THE POWER OF ACTUALLY BOTHERING TO VERIFY WIKIPEDIA, AND USING THE WIKISOURCE SERVICE". Juarez closed his eyes, and jumped.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

There is only ;)

[myrmidons]

Ok, ok, let's think about this.

 

The idea of loosely basing an IA off of the story of Troy is a novel one, likewise the potential inclusion of characters with similar attributes. I'd change the names, though, like KHK said.

 

But rather than unleash some raw criticism power before you really begin, I'm going to reccomend The Guide to DIYing. It's a great read and will put your feet on the right path.

 

The Octaguide is also there in case you need anything further clarifying.

 

Like I said before, take your time and have fun. :D

 

EDIT: With regards to colour schemes - a lot of chapters look alike, for better or worse. It's not really so big of a deal, so long as they aren't exactly the same.

 

I figured i would use the name and some of the theme but not do something entirely off troy, You'll see when i have it all figured out

[Walter Payton]

Ok, ok, let's think about this.

 

The idea of loosely basing an IA off of the story of Troy is a novel one, likewise the potential inclusion of characters with similar attributes. I'd change the names, though, like KHK said.

 

But rather than unleash some raw criticism power before you really begin, I'm going to reccomend The Guide to DIYing. It's a great read and will put your feet on the right path.

 

The Octaguide is also there in case you need anything further clarifying.

 

Like I said before, take your time and have fun. :)

 

EDIT: With regards to colour schemes - a lot of chapters look alike, for better or worse. It's not really so big of a deal, so long as they aren't exactly the same.

 

I figured i would use the name and some of the theme but not do something entirely off troy, You'll see when i have it all figured out

 

Oh, yeah, I got that, but it happens to really help if you research your theme.

[myrmidons]

Ok, ok, let's think about this.

 

The idea of loosely basing an IA off of the story of Troy is a novel one, likewise the potential inclusion of characters with similar attributes. I'd change the names, though, like KHK said.

 

But rather than unleash some raw criticism power before you really begin, I'm going to reccomend The Guide to DIYing. It's a great read and will put your feet on the right path.

 

The Octaguide is also there in case you need anything further clarifying.

 

Like I said before, take your time and have fun. ;)

 

EDIT: With regards to colour schemes - a lot of chapters look alike, for better or worse. It's not really so big of a deal, so long as they aren't exactly the same.

 

I figured i would use the name and some of the theme but not do something entirely off troy, You'll see when i have it all figured out

 

Oh, yeah, I got that, but it happens to really help if you research your theme.

 

oh okay

[myrmidons]

the theme is still a work in progress i have the paint scheme and as a person has suggested instead of the greek helm i am using a lions head. and if any one else has comments or criticism please feel free to speak your mind.

[Chaplain Rourke The Fanged]

Get rid of all the details in the battles. IAs are not a blow by blow recount of your Chapter Master fighting down a Chaos Lord. Most IAs are 3000-5000 words long, and you have nearly 1500 words of useless battle detail. You can mention battles but don't go into huge detail about them. That is not what we want to read in an IA. Your first battle should really only be: "It was their first major campaign and so they screwed up at first. Then they finally turned it around and kicked the traitors back to the warp. After spending a few months with the people of (whatever your planet is sorry I forget) they found them to be hardy and brave. The Myrmidons decided to build their FM on the planet and much joy was had by all." Now that is a simplified version that needs some sprucing up but that is pretty much all it should be. Now on to your second battle.

 

Sorry but I don't see what this is bringing to the table at all. It seems to me like it is a copy of a movie battle scene adapted to the 40K universe. It does not appear to be anything for you chapter other than another day of killing the enemies of The Imperium.

 

You can talk about battles in your IA but it should not be a detailed account of every shot and sword swing. It should be a broad overview of what happened and then a detailed description of how it affected the chapter and what changes it brought about in their beliefs, combat doctrine, organization, ect.

 

As I have been told by others the question to ask is "Why?" Any time you want to put something in your IA ask yourself why. Why do I need this? What does it bring to my chapter? How would it affect the average joe marine of my chapter? What would it make him fight like or believe in? These are the questions we want answered when we read an IA.

 

I hope that this doesn't come across as rude or ripping your work apart as that is not my goal. I think that this chapter has potential and I would like to see where it is going.

 

There are places on this forum where you can post your short story battles but they just don't really belong in an IA.

[Shinzaren]

So if the theme is a Chapter based around Achilles's Myrmidons, and using the movie Troy and The Illiad as a base to build from, you end up with this:

 

X Founding, Successor Chapter to the Sons of Aeacus.

Fought valiantly for many years.

Got upset at the orders of an Inquisitor.

Refused to fight until their pride had been assuaged.

Their sector nearly falls because of their stiff necks.

One Captain goes rogue and leads the Chapter against their enemies, retaking much of what was lost.

He dies, and the Chapter swears the most terrible of vengeance upon his killers.

They cut a bloody path through all their enemies, slaughtering and slaying without pause or rest.

They are eventually ambushed and killed by sneaky cowards.

Their legend lives on.

 

It is important to remember that Achilles was a jerk, and he sat out most of The Illiad, all because Agamemnon took Briseis from him. He only reenters combat after Patroklos dies fighting Hector, while leading the Myrmidons in Achilles's place. Only then does Achilles, the Breaker of Men, reenter the fray. However, it should be noted that the Illiad only shows the last year-ish of the Trojan War, and alludes to Achilles's many victories in the earlier battles to destroy Troy's allies and take the surrounding isles. Still, as far as a story for inspiration goes, I have always been fond of the Trojan War because there are so many heroes and tales from within the battle.

 

Diomedes and Odysseus, sneaking behind enemy lines to gather information. Diomedes wounding Ares, the God of War with the aid of Athene. The duel between Hector, the Tamer of Horses, and Greater Ajax. The cunning Trojan Horse. Menelaus vs Paris for control of Helen and the War. The whole tale is filled with the things 40k is made of, and by toning down the Godly interference, and instead making subtle nods towards the Chaos Gods for the bad guys and the Emperor for your Marines; you can weave a good tale.

[myrmidons]

Thanks Gentlemen, you guys are great help the IA that is there is Going to be Gone Soon. I have a Whole new ready to go now just Fixing Minor errors Before Posting.

[PorridgeMeister]

I can't believe anybody hasn't posted this already, but the name does not suspend disbelief - i.e. the mention of the word "Myrmidon" is enough to ruin the realism of your article and fill everybody's heads with ancient Greek pottery images of hoplite marines and Brad Pit.

 

Also, this has got to be one of the most used names. I myself have already attempted a Chapter with the name. So I would give it a bit more thought and change the name to something more practical. I'm giving you this advice as this is what everybody told me when I did it.

 

EDIT: I don't mean to come across in a malicious way when I posted this - just trying to help.

[myrmidons]

I can't believe anybody hasn't posted this already, but the name does not suspend disbelief - i.e. the mention of the word "Myrmidon" is enough to ruin the realism of your article and fill everybody's heads with ancient Greek pottery images of hoplite marines and Brad Pit.

 

Also, this has got to be one of the most used names. I myself have already attempted a Chapter with the name. So I would give it a bit more thought and change the name to something more practical. I'm giving you this advice as this is what everybody told me when I did it.

 

EDIT: I don't mean to come across in a malicious way when I posted this - just trying to help. :lol:

 

I see what you mean and have changed it around, I have come up with an idea for a new chapter.