Story

[Tarvitz976]

I stand amoungst the handwritten tombs which hold the history of the Adeptus Astartes,

I am a subtle being and like most beings in the Imperium I am just a number on a tablet held by another

nameless. However, unlike most of the collection, I am privy to the secrets of the words written within these

pages about the Astartes, Fear Incarnate, the sons of the Emperor. In the beginning, before the choas, the

Emperor of Mankind made twenty sons in his image, with the strength and wisdom beyond that of any daemon

or of any psyker; but, unknown to these pages, the sons were cast into the mercy of the warp, and for many

years were lost to time and to the Emperor, a grieving father.

Now, the warp is a cruel beast, and does not know the restrictions of time,

a ship can be lost to mankind for a thousand years, only to released as if our time had not touched it all.

This was the thought that plauged the Emperor's mind, a thought that can not be purged from anyones mind

who has lost a close soul to the warp. Though the Emperor did not lack faith in the hope of finding his lost sons,

and he did find 18 of the twenty. Now, in his wisdom, the Emperor created legions from the genectic material

of his sons and as each son was found he was given domain of his legion, known to the Astartes as their Primarch.

Once his sons joined undernearth him with their legions, they set upon a great crusade, one to reclaim to the lost

planets back in the name of Emperor of Mankind. Through these bloody times, it came to past, the Emperor's duty

to head back to, "Terra," to work on more important things. He left the Great Crusade in hands of, Horus, the most

noble of his sons.

Now, even though the Astartes and Primarch's called themselves brothers, it was very clear what

the difference was between them. A Astartes begins as any other normal man, in the womb of the his mother, and is

given the gene-seed of their primarch and grow, train, and prove themselves to be Astartes. A Primarch was born the

way he is, a perfect being, not changed, but born to be who he is. It was said that the only equal to a Primarch was

another fellow Primarch, or the Emperor. Now through the misleading power of Choas, Horus fell to the corruption

of the twisted powers and took eight of his fellow brothers with him, along with their legions. In this time Choas the

Emperor was mortally wounded and a few loyal Primarchs lost to death, but Horus was killed and the traitor legions

ran to the warp to hide amounst the Choas. This brings us to more current times with thousands of years between

then and now with news and current gossip. The two missings sons of the twenty have been found, and just as

I have read in these pages of history, these two Primarchs will have learn of their brothers history.

[Yogi]

Text wall, no one is gonna read that till you invest in paragraphs.

[Tarvitz976]

that's true

[Brother_Kaelgrim]

Also, goes in the short stories section I believe, not the Liber

[Apothete]

Also, goes in the short stories section I believe, not the Liber

 

Correct.

 

The Liber Astartes is the home of some of the board's most knowledgeable and talented writers, but it's also intended as a workshop where said writers can bring their homebrew Chapters to be picked apart, polished, and made better than the solo writing process might allow. This sort of piece is better suited to the forum already dedicated to short fiction.

 

Good luck with your story.

[Yogi]

Repeat word usage, which even I do puts people off. Too many nows for example. Tis not a story there is no conflict. Leading up to the heathen sin of fleshing out the two lost primarchs.. haha. Also spelling errors, you misspelled chaos for example. Use word.