Index Astartes : The Avengers

[Dangerousdan73]

[size=6; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">Index Astartes: The Avengers[/size]

Avengers Battle Brother

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n60/dangerousdan73/Space%20Marines/spacemarinebolter.jpg

"The enemies of Mankind fear many things. They fear discovery, defeat and death.

Yet there is one thing they fear above all others. They fear the wrath of the Avengers!"
Brother Mamsok, Captain of the 5th Company before the Battle of OKai Korral

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">HOMEWORLD

The Avengers are a fleet based chapter and do not maintain a home world. They believe like their Imperial Fist forebears and many of their successors that space marines were created to conquer new worlds not to garrison them. The Avengers maintain a sizeable fleet of ships ranging from frigates and strike craft to forge ships able to carry and supply everything the chapter may need. The backbones of the Avengers fleet are there 3 Battle Barges The Pyropus Contego, The Warp Dagger and The Wandering Knave which provide mobile staging points from which the Avengers launch their crusades. But it is the The Warp Blade that is the heart of the fleet and the Chapter. The Warp Blade is a Vengeance Class Grand Cruiser and serves as the Chapters Flagship, it is also the Chapter Masters personal barge.

ORGANISATION

Though the Avengers follow the Codex Astartes they do not follow it as rigidly as other Chapters. The Avengers maintain 10 companies as per the Codex although the disposition of these companies’s differs to the tenets as written in the Codex
-The 10th Company being used for the training of the chapter’s recruits, The Captain of the 10th Company is known as the Master of the Recruits
-The 2nd to 9th companies being organized into Battle Company’s each led Captain.
The 2nd to 6th Companies are responsible for patrolling the fringes of Segmentum Tempestus and the worlds contained therein.
While the 7th, 8th and 9th company’s are held in reserve ready to assist any of their brother companies or to respond to threats the other companies can not reach in time.
Each of these companies follows the Codex Astartes in disposition but they also contain there own squads of veterans and armored vehicles, making them able to respond to all threats in a tactically efficient manner. Due to this fact each of the Battle Company’s may contain between 100 and 150 Marines.
-The 1st company is made up of Chapter Master, the Chief Librarian, Master of Sanctity, Master of the Arsenal, Master of the Fleet, Master of the Watch and the Master of The Forge as well as their personal retinues.
The Avengers also maintain a high number of Techmarines among their ranks as being on the edge of the Imperium they need to be self sufficient and keep running the massive forges which supply everything the chapter needs in its task of patrolling and protecting the Imperium. As such the Avengers have a deep respect for their techmarines and their equipment and each marine is trained to maintain and repair his war gear.

COMBAT DOCTRINE

Like any Chapter that follows the tenets of the Codex Astartes, the Avengers pride themselves on their versatility and flexibility, able to adjust to rapidly changing combat situations with calm, ruthless efficiency. The favored combat doctrine of the Avengers focuses where possible, on decisive short-ranged firefights and bloody assaults, and when able to fight on their terms an Avengers force will adopt such tactics. In keeping with this preference tactical squads have a tendency towards flamers and melta guns and close-ranged specialists such as Terminator Squads are a regular sight in an Avengers force. Squads are deployed in the Codex proscribed pattern of ten men and receive training to also split into two five-man 'Combat' squads - one led by the squad Sergeant, the other by a senior member of the squad with the division of weaponry and manpower allowing for greater tactical flexibility in the field of battle, One squad often supplying covering fire while the other squad closes into combat with the enemy.
It was inevitable they would develop an expertise in battling the many races of xenos that plague the outer fringes, As such the chapter has developed close ties with the militant arm of the Ordos Xenos - The Deathwatch, and views selection for and training with a great honor.

BELIEFS

The Avengers hold true to the Emperors vision of the unification of all Humanity. They venerate the Emperor as the leader of Mankind and as their spiritual father to whom they owe their existence. The chapters Chaplains teach that is the Avengers duty to the Emperor and humanity to defend the galaxy from all threats in preparation for the day when the Emperor rises from the Golden Throne and the Primarchs return to begin the next Great Crusade. As such the Avengers hold themselves as the protectors of mankind and have vowed to bring justice to all corners of the Imperium to ensure the continued survival of humanity.

GENESEED

The Avengers were created using Iron Knights Geneseed which is descended from the Imperial Fists and Rogal Dorn and as such is missing the Betchers Gland and the Sus-an Membrane, The geneseed tithes sent by the Avengers are stable and show no further signs of corruption or degradation.

WARCRY

"For Dorn, For the Emperor, For all Mankind"

[Ecritter]

Why 2 threads on the exact same Chapter?

 

This one's format does look better.

[Dangerousdan73]

double posted somehow apologies deleting content in other thread

[Dangerousdan73]

origins section completed started the homeworld section need to finish it with bit about the culture of the people and how it influences chapter

basically barabarian people live in large citadels for protection from other barbarian clans and the feral orks.

[Dangerousdan73]

Third draft complete ready for c&C

[Apothete]

I'm not even going to go into details.

 

Proofread, punctuate, and then proofread some more. If you want people to take you seriously, start writing like you care how it looks rather than posting enormous run-on sentences. I can't read the article as it currently stands because the jarring construction keeps me from making it very far in.

 

Like any Chapter that follows the tenants of the Codex Astartes, the Avengers pride themselves on their versatility and flexibility, able to adjust to rapidly changing combat situations with calm, ruthless efficiency.

 

This is the one place my eye fell as I was scanning downwards that I could read and catch anything solid.

 

Unless you believe that the Rowboat was renting out his creation, the use of "tenants" is completely inappropriate and needs to be fixed. A tenet is a belief which is held by a group, a tenant is a nuisance who's probably behind on their rent.

[Ace Debonair]

The orks have long been a plauge upon the natives of Mo'rakahn, Imperial Historians believe the natives of Mo'rakahn are descendants of a long lost explorator team stranded upon the planet after thier vessel was stolen by pirates, whatever thier origins the natives have been fighting the greenskins for generations and have become adept warriors skilled in the art of war.

 

Do you mean the humans or the orks here?

 

Since the arrival of the Avengers the chapter has taken great care to keep either race advancing technologically as the barbarians way of life makes good recruits for the chapter.

Might I advise that you take great care of this sentence? (See what I did there? :P )

 

Each of these companies follows the Codex Astartes in disposition but they also contaion there own cadres of vetrans and armoured vehicles. Due to this each of the Battle Companys contain between 100 to 150 Marines.

So your chapter is bigger than average. That doesn't add anything except "my chapter's so cool it can have more marines" to the writing. I don't see any reason for this deviation.

-The 1st company is made up of Chapter Master, the Chief Librarian, the Master of Sanctity, Master of the Arsenal, Master of the Fleet, Master of the Watch and the Master of The Forge as well as their personal retinues.

I'd assume this means it's smaller than average, but for all I know your retinues are thirty marines per officer. <_<

 

AVENGERS AND THE FORCES OF THE IMPERIUM

If their relationships are important enough to be mentioned with any factions or whatever, do it in the main IA. If not, leave them out. Much easier.

 

Reporting any cultist forces or activity they encouter in the fringe worlds, they also call upon the expertise of the Grey Knights Chapter and the Ordo Malleus when they encounter the corrupting influence of chaos on these worlds.

The Grey Knights are a very closely guarded secret, aren't they? Wouldn't it be quite unusual for your chapter to have heard of them?

NOTABLE BATTLES

None of these are actually notable in terms of having an effect on the chapter. This entire section doesn't really need to be in an IA, although kudos for keeping it short in any case. :D

I like the colour scheme a lot, except for the white face-grill. :)

A good start, though. Good luck developing these guys.

[Slick Jimmy]

It looks pretty good. One point I would bring up is is as follows. I'm not sure a chapter would just willingly give up a recruiting world and facility to a new chapter. Even an offspring chapter, if there was need for the Iron Knights to have those recruits in the first place, wouldn't cutting them off completly hurt their recruiting process? On that note, I know there is no real established fluff for the Iron Knights, but what little I have read indicates that they have their own homeworld and are not fleet based, begging the question of, why build a training and recruiting centers on distant planet whilst all thier resources were on their homeworld? That's all that really stuck out at me.

Well Done.

[Hobo Willie]

Battle of OKai Korral

I like that quite a bit.

 

Other than what has been mentioned, just re-reading the IA to help with flow would help. On your bullets under Organization, I'd maybe indent them with BBcode (smindent=20)(/smindent), brackets instead of paranthesis of course, for presentation purposes. Also, I'd give a mini-header or at least Bold and Underline your "THE HISTORY OF MO"RAKAHN" title in the Homeworld Section.

 

I like that their recruits are raised from ork-hunters. Is that why their armour is green?

[Dangerousdan73]

edited the IA to change some stuff mentioned so far took out some bits i wasnt really fussed on

[Black2Jack1]

This looks well put together although I wonder, how did The Avengers obtain enough Terminator armour to spread through their companies enough to make them a regular appearance? A abandoned ship with a armour cache from the warp?

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Reporting any cultist forces or activity they encouter in the fringe worlds, they also call upon the expertise of the Grey Knights Chapter and the Ordo Malleus when they encounter the corrupting influence of chaos on these worlds.

The Grey Knights are a very closely guarded secret, aren't they? Wouldn't it be quite unusual for your chapter to have heard of them?

 

I'd speculate the higher-level Captains and the Chapter Masters of any Chapter will know that the Grey Knights exist and when to call for them, but probably not much else. Otherwise no-one would ever call on them for aid, and if the senior officers of a Chapter have to be entrusted with an entire Chapter, it doesn't seem to be much more of a risk to entrust them with some vague bits and pieces about the Grey Knights. The alternative would be putting 100% faith in the Inquisitorial intelligence network, and I think even the most self-confident Inquisitor would see the flaws with that idea.

 

It's all speculation, but I think that holds up. Just don't use make the Grey Knights common knowledge in the Chapter.

[Slick Jimmy]

It's all looking rather good. One issue I have is with your Combat Doctrine section where you describe the Use of Combat Squads and how they are put together. This is not necessary, combat squads are a common occurance in any army that uses the space marine codex, we don't need the explination on how they work, and how it makes your marines the same as other chapters. You could simply state that combat squads are used more often than not, but the rest just seems like filler with no real benefit to the article.

 

It's coming along nicely though.

[Dangerousdan73]

rewrote the homeworld section changed the chapter to a fleet based chapter which is what i was after originally need to add sidebars on thier flagship and a section on recruitment am also currently writing a history section which tell the tale of thier founding and how they got there name first chapter master and symbol.