A_POINTED_STICK Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 http://img02.picoodle.com/img/img02/8/5/25/f_pitbullm_47d077d.jpg Chapter Emblem Heralding the start of the thirty-second millennium, the High Lords ordained the founding of a number of new chapters. Chapter number Sixty-Six was granted to one of the greatest heroes of the Imperium. Apollonius the Great (as he became popularly known after his death) was a particularly long lived member of the Ultramarines. He had been recruited on Prandium and had fought apong 13th Legion during the Great Crusade, rising to the rank of Veteran Sergeant. During the Horus Heresy he rose to company captain and then chapter master. When the Second Founding was ordered by Guilliman, Apollonius declined the offer to command one of the nearly two dozen chapters in favor of remaining with Guilliman in the Ultramarines. With the death of Guilliman in the following years, Apollonius remained among the most senior members of the chapter. Marine Dress Plate When the High Lords planned the creation of the third generation of the Adeptus Astartes the aged Apollonius could no longer justify his position as a company commander. He left for Terra accompanied by a number of the enormous Macraggian mountain dogs and a hand picked Ultramarine training cadre. He bore a great burden in the form of the battered shield of a comrade who had died defending Roboute Guilliman against Fulgrim . When the fledgling chapter, still known simply as "The Sixty Sixth", reached full strength Apollonius immediately set them against a small Waaagh to cut their teeth. The Orks proved a worthy adversary and the battered old marine finally fell cut off and alone in battle with the hordes of Orks amid the rusted and crumbling spires of Saalam. The Commander of the Honor Guard Solon Agrippa raised the battle damaged storm shield and inspired the Sixty Sixth to a Pyrrhic victory against the Orks, finally destroying the Orkish warlord's host on a nameless world remembered simply as "Annihilation." In memory of their founder's death Agrippa renamed them the Hounds of Annihilation and took the giant Molokhos Hound as their emblem.Agrippa as veteran member of the Ultramarine training force was elevated to Chapter Master. He led the few hundred surviving marines to a Port World called Sar Anna and when the Mercantile Guilds led by Maximillian the Proud refused to allow him to take shelter there and replenish their men and supplies he destroyed them utterly. The Marines performed a crippling decapitation attack in accordance to the teachings of the Primarch and seized the Palatial Fortress complex which became their base of operations on Sar Anna. The Palace was called the Palatine by the people of Sar Anna but Agrippa simply called it "Hisarlik" the Macraggian word for a natural alpine fortress. The Palatine covered almost sixty square kilometers of an island in the heart of the planetary capital. It had once been thousands of commercial high rise structures until a severe economic collapse led to constant warfare driving the Oligarchs of Sar Anna to turn their holdings into fortresses. It is separated from the rest of Sar Annapolis by a natural moat and has been their base of operations for almost nine thousand years.[/clearfloat] Veteran Dress Plate Sar Anna is a Hive World in the north eastern regions of the galaxy in the Ultima Segmentum. Sar Anna derives it's name from an early Imperial saint St. Hannah who arose during the Horus Heresy. The untold billions who inhabit it's mega cities are culturally diverse and the sole unifier is the belief that commerce is king. The Delphine Ship Yards are in a geosynchronous orbit of Sar Anna and have bolstered the Chapter Fleet to a magnificent Armada. The capital city of Sar Anna is Annapolis which is home to the massive island stronghold, the Palatine.It is said if you are looking for something you can find it on Sar Anna. It is home to countless drug smugglers, arms dealers, blockade runners, rogue traders, cutthroats, mercenaries, prostitutes, pimps, slavers, and thugs, vagabonds, vigilantes, and all manner of villainous characters. It is from the thriving underworld that the chapter claims it's recruits and in the shanties and stretches of slums of the under-city that the chapter's neophytes earn their first blood in the never ending war against the countless miscreants that make up the metropolis. The keen eyes of their Scout Sergeants select candidates at their whim from among the savage street children of proper age and bring them back to the Palatine. It is the monumental task of the chapter's neophytes to maintain some semblance of order in the impoverished and often chaotic underworld of Sar Anna. These black clad killers are referred to as "Shades" by the locals and they are seen as otherworldly warriors that act as grim heralds of the mighty Astartes who exist as little more than a rumor known to the elite. They are feared and revered and few of those who have encountered them believe them to be human.The Shades are given a great deal of independence during their training, and if the local beliefs are to believed every darkened alley is illuminated by the red glow of their vigilant eyes. These silent watchmen use the darkness as their greatest weapon. However while they are allowed to go to any length to maintain order they are secretly monitored by their sergeants who evaluate them on their adherence to the ancient Macraggian Virtues. Only those who pass the tests of character will go on to serve as true Scouts in the Tenth Company. None truly know how many Shades patrol the Habs of Sar Anna but the Chapter receives a steady flow of new men through the Scout Company. Lord Commandant Terminator Dress Plate Terminator Dress Plate (Red Lifeguards Markings) The Hounds of Annihilation are strong adherents to the Codex. However they have adopted a number of additional ranks to denote specializations and unit affiliations. The Hounds rely on ten companies. Companies are overseen by Commodores, with several Senior Captains being called Admirals. Officers outside the general chain of command such as the Master of Sanctity are titled Commanders of their respective order. Sergeants and the senior man in a squad are classified by their role. In the eighth company they are known as Lance Sergeants and Lance Corporals; while in the ninth company they are Gunnery Sergeant and Bombardier respectively. The members of a Command Squad are titled Staff in addition to their normal rank ie. Staff Sergeant or Staff Gunnery Sergeant. Veteran Sergeants are called Lieutenants and standard bearers are called Ensigns. A typical Command Squad will be made up of the Commodore, five Staff Sergeants, two lieutenants, and two ensigns, often with an attached Corpsmarine (Apothecary). Traditionally several members of the command squad will remain in command of fleet assets while the others oversee ground operations. Fleet to Surface ordinance is commonplace and the Hounds are more willing than most chapters to use it in concert with their ground assets trusting in their battle brothers to deliver accurate fire to devastate enemy forces while they mop up. The dangers of friendly fire are a real threat but the benefits offset the dangers. The First Company are extremely well equipped with a range of archaic mks of power and terminator armors, and maintain additional Thunderhawks in order to allow the First Company to rapidly redeploy combat squads deep into enemy airspace to carry out lightning strikes. The Company is commanded by the Lord Commandant and is broken into three sections. The largest section are the Lifeguard numbering sixty marines which are led by the Lord Commandant. Additionally twenty marines are led by the Vice Admiral and traditionally deploy with Assault Weapons as the Vanguard. Finally twenty marines are led by the Rear Admiral, well equipped with special and heavy weapons as Sternguard. Tactics generally involve daring raids on high priority targets and coordinating the use their Battle Barge's heavy weapons to bombard entrenched positions. Land Raiders are another favored tool in their arsenal deployed for prolonged combats. The Scout Company often fight in support of the First Company inserting in Land Speeder Storms ahead of the First Company to designate targets for their elite brethren. When deployed en masse the Battle Companies work in close concert with each other and the reserve companies. Battle Company Thunderhawk Gunships, Caestus Assault Rams, and Land Speeders from the Sixth Company form a Rapid Strike Force capable of sweeping aside enemy armor or blazing through even the deadliest airspace. Similar tactics are used with Armor. Predators often are formed into large task forces with an almost exclusive use of the Annihilator Pattern to wreak havoc on enemy armor. The Ninth Company has also recently acquired a number of salvaged Leman Russ Battle Chassis through Munitorum back channels which it plans to add to it's arsenal in the future.Most impressive among the Chapter's assets is the Battle Barge Nike which after several centuries of ongoing restoration is nearing completion. The original Nike, an ancient vessel dating to the Unification Wars between Earth and Mars was later used by the Imperial Fists as their flagship in the days before Rogal Dorn and the Phalanx reunited with the God Emperor. During the Scouring it was lost in the warp and emerged in the second half of the 41st Millenium as part of a Space Hulk. The Crimson Fists and the Hounds of Annihilation already bound by millenniums of war against their mutual foe, the Orks, cleansed the space hulk of the Greenskins. The Hounds took severe losses and the infamous Captain Alessio Cortez granted them the rights of salvage for their contribution. The bodies of the ancient Imperial Fists and a number of chapter relics were reclaimed by the Fists and the two forces parted ways. The two wayward chapters would again join in arms against the Orks of Charadon in more recent years. In deference to their brothers in arms the Hounds have left the vast Battle Barge in her original Black and Yellow Imperial Fist colors restoring it it's former glory. However she remains in the Delphine Ship Yard in orbit around Sar Anna and has not seen combat. Her lack of completion is due to the previous Lord Mariner's plan to incorporate two of the other vessels to bolster her capacities further. The vessel now appears as a vast miles long Trimaran capable of housing nearly an entire chapter's worth of marines. The Hounds of Annihilation are not adverse to using camouflage when useful, however the Hounds tend to maneuver across different climes too quickly to justify constantly repainting their Power Armor. As such they will normally be in "Dress Plate." Standard Dress Plate is Navy Blue with Gunmetal Grey accents. The left Pauldron is marked with an white Molokhos Hound affronte. Librarians and their Apprentices traditionally wear Crimson Plate to distinguish themselves better. Apothecaries wear the white right shoulder and crimson helix. Chaplains and Relic Guards are distinguished by their Imperial Death Masks and grim ornamentation. Techmarines and Motorpool Drivers wear a scarlet Mechanicus right shoulder. Companies and Squads are distinguished by white numbers on the right shoulder. The Tactical Marking is a white anchor. Assault Markings are crossed white anchors. The Devastator Marking is a Sextant. Veterans have a globe imposed over the appropriate symbol. HQ officers have the globe imposed over the appropriate symbol and an Aquila above the symbol. Chaplains have the Jolly Roger. Librarians wear an Hourglass. Apothecaries wear the double helix. Techmarines wear a Ship's Wheel and Skull. The Hounds of Annihilation are a Third Founding of the Ultramarines and their geneseed is in good working order. However there is a minor deviation intended to ease the stream of Scouts into full Marines. Scouts are implanted with the Black Carapace and Progenoid glands. However they are otherwise traditional Scouts. Battle Cries "They Will Remember This Day!" -Apollonius the Great, Battle of Salaam 063.M32"We wage this war upon a thousand thousand worlds! Across their seas! Into their skies! Through the void! Into the aether of the empyrean! Our baying is the Crack of Doom! Alleluia!" -Gaius Loukianos, 24th Commander of the Reclusiam Battle Hymn "From the Halls of Maximilian! Unto the Mouths of Hell! We fight against the Aliens, the Devils, and Rebels! "First in Arms, Courage, and Honor!We're the finest ever seen!And we revel in the glory!Of the Emperor's Space Marines!"-Final Verses of the Marine's Hymn Motto "Now and Forever! Faithful Unto Death!"-Solon Agrippa 074.M32 [clearfloat] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Founding: Second Founding - Second Founding is considered off limits to all but GW. The Whales pledge to... - Who? The Marine who's name is lost to history took the shield from Maior and took the role of Chapter Master.. - Thats a tad arbitrary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund Himself Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Founding: Second Founding - Second Founding is considered off limits to all but GW. There is still space in the Second Founding for Ultramarine successors but you do have to consider whether or not it really adds anything to your chapter, otherwise you might as well use the Third Founding to avoid a little bit of MISS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakkagor Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Ahh, Col Tartleton I presume? I've posted my one down here somewhere, you should take a look. glad the conversation I kicked off helped a bit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dangerousdan73 Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 a few points that crossed my mind when i read your IA Are they the Ebon Jaws or Ebon Whales they change name in the story?? 2nd founding is generally off limits or best to stay away from as Gw has all that pretty well documented, And how could a chapter lose the name of thier chapter master, they are honoured reverred warriors of the chapter and generally arent forgotton by the marines how did theyt get to hisalik why did they choose it as there homeworld and i dont think the imperial fist would be to happy with some other chapter running round utilising a ship painted in there chapter colours, so how did the imperial fists lose it in the first place or not want it back when it was found. things like ships ect are pretty sacred and especially ones that are bordering on the size of a star fort. also they didnt want to offend the machine spirit by repainting it but they renamed it?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A_POINTED_STICK Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 OP: Brought forth from the merging of ideas of several previous chapters. Chapter Name: The Ebon Jaws Founding Chapter: Ultramarines Founding: Second Founding Chapter Master: Lykos Horace Homeworld: Hisarlik Fortress Monastery: The Palatine Founded by one of the Heroes of Calth, one Apollonius Maior. Maior was known for his great strength and fighting ability. When commanded to take a thousand marines and separate into an independent chapter at the second founding, Maior took his sword and shattered it across his knee. He presented the broken sword to Guilleman as a symbolic parting gift. Guilleman presented him with a mighty storm shield. "Your sword lays shattered, perhaps a shield will do better." said Guilleman. Maior vowed that he would act as the Imperium's Shield. This shield (The Shield Mariner) has been the symbol of authority for 10,000 years. It has been lost twice and both times it was returned at a great cost in blood. The Jaws pledge to serve the shield or until they be borne upon their own in the ancient Macraggian tradition. Maior fell in battle against an enormous Waaagh of Orks that had built momentum during the scouring. He commanded the chapter champion, the marine closest to him, to shoulder the shield. The Marine who's name is lost to history took the shield from Maior and took the role of Chapter Master. He led the ruined remains of the once pristine chapter fleet to be repaired at the ancient trade hub of Hisarlik home of the Delphine Space Yards. It is still largely traditional for the Chapter Master to select a member of his Honor Guard rather then a Company commander to replace him. Company commanders have been chosen however but it is unusual for the Chapter Master to have a close relationship with his Commodores due to their independent company structure. The Ebon Jaws (named for the enormous reptilian sea beasts that made the personal heraldry of Maior) went on to rebuild their fleet and their chapter from among the populace of Hisarlik. A metropolitan world, Hisarlik is home to billions of people. The primary job of Hisarlik is as a rest port and a free trade world. It lies within a tight cluster of hundreds of inhabited stars. Goods are brought to Hisarlik and then shipped all across the segmentum. The vital tradeworld rests in the Segmentum Tempustus to the galactic west of Bakka. It is to the merchants of the segmentum what Bakka is to the Navy. Hisarlik has been likened to a massive warehouse where impossibly huge quantities of goods are in a constant motion and the enormous population are always busy moving and keeping track of it all. It is also temporary home to millions of sailors and rogue traders who descend down to the planet. It is said if you are looking for something you can find it on Hisarlik. It is home to countless drug smugglers, arms dealers, blockade runners, cutthroats, mercenaries, prostitutes, pimps, slaves, and thugs, vagabonds, vigilantes, and all manner of characters. It is from the thriving underworld that the chapter arrests it's recruits and in the shanties and stretches of slums of the under-city that the chapter's scouts train against the countless miscreants that make up the metropolis. It is the scouts in fact which select the next batch of recruits. Those filth of proper age and natural talents are dragged back to the Palatine. It is a monumental task of the chapter's scouts to maintain some semblance of order in the impoverished and often chaotic underworld of Hisarlik. The Scouts are referred to as "Shades" by the locals and they are seen as otherworldly warriors that act as heralds of the nigh Angelic Astartes. They are feared and revered and few of those who have encountered them believe them to be human. The Palatine is a man made mountain of steel that rises over the metropolis. The Palatine was once home to the Trade Guild which ran Hisarlik in the times before the Ebon Jaws. The Palatine is both a massive storehouse of the chapter and a palace more then capable of housing the entire chapter. This has not occurred before however due to the nature of the chapter as independent factionalized companies. The chapter is organized into 10 Gentes-Companies. Each are headed by a Commodore. Each are equipped with a Strike Cruiser and several lighter frigates. The chapter additionally has 3 battle barges and 2 forge ships. Additionally Lykos Horatio commands the Lance of Dorn. The Lance was an Imperial Fist vessel lost during the Horus Heresy and it was discovered by a Commodore that would later go on to command the chapter. It had formed a space hulk but was rebuilt in the Delphine Spaceyards and is was rechristened as the "Nike" in the first half of the 41st millenium. It is larger then any of the other Battle Barges and in size and is bordering on a Ramalies Star Fort. It is still in geosynchronous orbit around Hisarlik and has never been deployed. Despite the black and white of the Ebon Jaws Nike is still ornamented in the golden yellow of it's heritage at the request of the Master of the Forge who felt it improper to the machine spirit to change the pigment. More to Come. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah, its either bad copy paste checking or a Freudian slip. I changed the name to something more aggressive and yeah... It'd be 3rd or 4th but i want their founder to be a great crusade/HH veteran. 2nd is presumptuous rather than taboo. I took ideas from brothers mariner and shields of laconia and got something more passable fluffwise. The shield thing is from the SoL. a few points that crossed my mind when i read your IA Are they the Ebon Jaws or Ebon Whales they change name in the story?? -Ebon Jaws 2nd founding is generally off limits or best to stay away from as Gw has all that pretty well documented, And how could a chapter lose the name of thier chapter master, they are honoured reverred warriors of the chapter and generally arent forgotton by the marines -its 40k nothing is certain :) it was nearly 10,000 years ago. Ask a modern Egyptian to name the entire line of pharaohs... thats only like 5,000 years ago. how did theyt get to hisalik why did they choose it as there homeworld -"He led the ruined remains of the once pristine chapter fleet to be repaired at the ancient trade hub of Hisarlik home of the Delphine Space Yards." i guess they just never left, ill flesh it out more. and i dont think the imperial fist would be to happy with some other chapter running round utilising a ship painted in there chapter colours, - Shhh no one told them, they're Ultramarine descent, Vlad Pugh can just try to get it back so how did the imperial fists lose it in the first place or not want it back when it was found. -its was a spacehulk of several ships including the Lance of Dorn. The Ebon Jaw's techmarines took centuries to restore it to functioning. it was found in around 41.450 and it still hasn't seen combat as of 41.999 things like ships ect are pretty sacred and especially ones that are bordering on the size of a star fort. also they didnt want to offend the machine spirit by repainting it but they renamed it?? Again its a refurbished space hulk. The Hulk was named Nike, thus the super-barge is Nike. All I know is the Victory is yellow, and you'd have to ask a techmarine about names versus colors. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
voi shet magir Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 It is home to countless drug smugglers, arms dealers, blockade runners, cutthroats, mercenaries, prostitutes, pimps, slaves, and thugs, vagabonds, vigilantes, and all manner of characters. It is from the thriving underworld that the chapter arrests it's recruits and in the shanties and stretches of slums of the under-city that the chapter's scouts train against the countless miscreants that make up the metropolis. It is the scouts in fact which select the next batch of recruits. Those filth of proper age and natural talents are dragged back to the Palatine. It is a monumental task of the chapter's scouts to maintain some semblance of order in the impoverished and often chaotic underworld of Hisarlik. The Scouts are referred to as "Shades" by the locals and they are seen as otherworldly warriors that act as heralds of the nigh Angelic Astartes. They are feared and revered and few of those who have encountered them believe them to be human. This is the best part of the chapter. My suggestion here is for the writing in your ultimate version. After the first sentence about how the city has a hive of scum and villainy, the second should be that even the cruelest crime lord, or, despite the godless violence of the inhabitants - whatever - they all fear a threat they call the Shades These are inhuman agents of justice and retribution, Novices of the Ebon Jaws who are charged with controlling the criminal and seditionist underworld. I just want to wonder for a second who or what the Shades are, how it will turn out to affect the Chapter, and if maybe I will find out if I read the next sentence. that stuff. The Palatine is a man made mountain of steel that rises over the metropolis. The Ebon Jaws (named for the enormous reptilian sea beasts that made the personal heraldry of Maior) You need to put some reference to this in the Origins. Origins are slow at the moment, because of writing and content both. Give some context for what any of this means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 The Jaws pledge to serve the shield or until they be borne upon their own in the ancient Macraggian tradition. I don't understand. Maior fell in battle against an enormous Waaagh of Orks that had built momentum during the scouring. He commanded the chapter champion, the marine closest to him, to shoulder the shield. The Marine who's name is lost to history took the shield from Maior and took the role of Chapter Master. Wasn't his name Ohtar by any chance? ;) Cokie for anyone, who get the reference. :) Seconded the idea of known name. The Ebon Jaws (named for the enormous reptilian sea beasts that made the personal heraldry of Maior) And where these enormous reptilian sea beasts live? It is said if you are looking for something you can find it on Hisarlik. It is home to countless drug smugglers, arms dealers, blockade runners, cutthroats, mercenaries, prostitutes, pimps, slaves, and thugs, vagabonds, vigilantes, and all manner of characters. It is from the thriving underworld that the chapter arrests it's recruits and in the shanties and stretches of slums of the under-city that the chapter's scouts train against the countless miscreants that make up the metropolis. It is the scouts in fact which select the next batch of recruits. Those filth of proper age and natural talents are dragged back to the Palatine. It is a monumental task of the chapter's scouts to maintain some semblance of order in the impoverished and often chaotic underworld of Hisarlik. The Scouts are referred to as "Shades" by the locals and they are seen as otherworldly warriors that act as heralds of the nigh Angelic Astartes. They are feared and revered and few of those who have encountered them believe them to be human. Why have your Chapter chosen Hisalrik as their Homeworld? The Palatine is a man made mountain of steel that rises over the metropolis. The Palatine was once home to the Trade Guild which ran Hisarlik in the times before the Ebon Jaws. The Palatine is both a massive storehouse of the chapter and a palace more then capable of housing the entire chapter. This has not occurred before however due to the nature of the chapter as independent factionalized companies. Explanation needed. The chapter is organized into 10 Gentes-Companies. Each are headed by a Commodore. Each are equipped with a Strike Cruiser and several lighter frigates. The chapter additionally has 3 battle barges and 2 forge ships. Additionally Lykos Horatio commands the Lance of Dorn. The Lance was an Imperial Fist vessel lost during the Horus Heresy and it was discovered by a Commodore that would later go on to command the chapter. It had formed a space hulk but was rebuilt in the Delphine Spaceyards and is was rechristened as the "Nike" in the first half of the 41st millenium. It is larger then any of the other Battle Barges and in size and is bordering on a Ramalies Star Fort. It is still in geosynchronous orbit around Hisarlik and has never been deployed. Despite the black and white of the Ebon Jaws Nike is still ornamented in the golden yellow of it's heritage at the request of the Master of the Forge who felt it improper to the machine spirit to change the pigment. I think the IF want a few word with your Chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 The Jaws pledge to serve the shield or until they be borne upon their own in the ancient Macraggian tradition. I don't understand. It's actually originally attributed to the Spartans, but the basic premise is that cowards should not come back to Sparta; true men returned with their shield, whether they carried it or were borne upon it in death. Of course, you may have know that and just not understood what he meant in cotext of the IA.. But you never know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dangerousdan73 Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 well answered mate all much clearer now, the way i read it they seperated the IF ship from the hulk and rebuilt and where using it the space hulk makes much more sense. good work so far cant wait to read more about these guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A_POINTED_STICK Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 The Jaws pledge to serve the shield or until they be borne upon their own in the ancient Macraggian tradition. I don't understand. It is worded poorly here. Pretty much they swear allegiance to follow the chapter master via the "Shield Mariner." They are honor bound to follow him until they die and are ceremonially borne on their shield. Think the horseless rider and caisson thing. It's a ceremonial funeral right. Maior fell in battle against an enormous Waaagh of Orks that had built momentum during the scouring. He commanded the chapter champion, the marine closest to him, to shoulder the shield. The Marine who's name is lost to history took the shield from Maior and took the role of Chapter Master. Wasn't his name Ohtar by any chance? :P Cokie for anyone, who get the reference. :D Seconded the idea of known name. Fine... the second chapter master is Solon Agrippa. I don't need Lord of the Rings easter eggs. The Ebon Jaws (named for the enormous reptilian sea beasts that made the personal heraldry of Maior) And where these enormous reptilian sea beasts live? Maior saw them on a random planet during the crusade. Thought they were majestic and had his armorer paint it on him. It's not really important, it's just a predator that he really liked. They're not the Space Wolves, its not a big deal. He just liked the name and look of them since they reminded him of his men being all lethal and powerful. So he had his men paint themselves black with white markings (like on an orca) which is what they have, and named them Jaws because the locals called them that. The whole animal cult thing a lot of chapters has is annoying. It's just a mascot. It is said if you are looking for something you can find it on Hisarlik. It is home to countless drug smugglers, arms dealers, blockade runners, cutthroats, mercenaries, prostitutes, pimps, slaves, and thugs, vagabonds, vigilantes, and all manner of characters. It is from the thriving underworld that the chapter arrests it's recruits and in the shanties and stretches of slums of the under-city that the chapter's scouts train against the countless miscreants that make up the metropolis. It is the scouts in fact which select the next batch of recruits. Those filth of proper age and natural talents are dragged back to the Palatine. It is a monumental task of the chapter's scouts to maintain some semblance of order in the impoverished and often chaotic underworld of Hisarlik. The Scouts are referred to as "Shades" by the locals and they are seen as otherworldly warriors that act as heralds of the nigh Angelic Astartes. They are feared and revered and few of those who have encountered them believe them to be human. Why have your Chapter chosen Hisalrik as their Homeworld? They came to repair their fleet at the enormous dockyards over the planet and they found a heavily populated and corrupt world full of criminals who no one would miss. Perfect for taking young men. You get enough pre teen gang bangers in a local and you suddenly have a good home world. You get shanghaied into the Ebon Jaws, not recruited. The Palatine is a man made mountain of steel that rises over the metropolis. The Palatine was once home to the Trade Guild which ran Hisarlik in the times before the Ebon Jaws. The Palatine is both a massive storehouse of the chapter and a palace more then capable of housing the entire chapter. This has not occurred before however due to the nature of the chapter as independent factionalized companies. Explanation needed. The Palatine is a giant acropolis on top of which is a huge structure. It was the home of The Guild. Which was a mercantile company that ran the port world. Think the Dutch East India Company. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oost-Indisch_Huis_(Amsterdam) Think that but scaled up for 40k size. It was a monopoly and corrupt as hell and the chapter had them liquidated and seized their assets. It's now a free trade world and the Ebon Jaws practice extreme Laissez-faire and let the Shades (scouts) hunt the wicked like 100 batmen. There aren't really laws on Hisarlik, but there are Ethics and the Shades enforce them as best they can. They may not be everywhere at once, but their reputation is enough to keep the companies ethical. When something glaring happens you find your Boardmembers gunned down in Times Square in front of hundreds of people. Then you change course. The place is a huge palace/warehouse. It once housed the hundreds of Guild Members and they all lived like kings within it. The place has a footprint like Versailles but is hundreds of stories tall. Imagine if Versailles wasn't the court of a relatively small countries king, but of an entire oligarchy of disgustingly wealthy nobles across an entire planet centered in one huge complex. The footprint is about a square mile and it's several hundred stories tall. Each marine in the chapter could live there like a king, but it's mostly empty now (in classic Imperium fashion its just a lot of shiny crap you don't need.) The chapter is organized into 10 Gentes-Companies. Each are headed by a Commodore. Each are equipped with a Strike Cruiser and several lighter frigates. The chapter additionally has 3 battle barges and 2 forge ships. Additionally Lykos Horatio commands the Lance of Dorn. The Lance was an Imperial Fist vessel lost during the Horus Heresy and it was discovered by a Commodore that would later go on to command the chapter. It had formed a space hulk but was rebuilt in the Delphine Spaceyards and is was rechristened as the "Nike" in the first half of the 41st millenium. It is larger then any of the other Battle Barges and in size and is bordering on a Ramalies Star Fort. It is still in geosynchronous orbit around Hisarlik and has never been deployed. Despite the black and white of the Ebon Jaws Nike is still ornamented in the golden yellow of it's heritage at the request of the Master of the Forge who felt it improper to the machine spirit to change the pigment. I think the IF want a few word with your Chapter. What the Imperial Fists don't know won't hurt them. The Jaws found a lost in the warp space hulk (of several ships) and built it into a super battle barge. The Fists have no claim to it since the Jaws found it, cleansed it, broke it down, and built it back up again. Its like 600 years of work in the making. They Fists probably wouldn't even want it. They already have The Phalanx which is like 10 times better. Its kind of like The Rock but without all the sketchy little dudes and the crazy people in cages and solitary confinement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dangerousdan73 Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 had a thought if the fact your hulk contains a imperial Fist ship would you consider adding a line about how with the IF permission they use the Lance of Dorn as a bridge from which they control the Space Hulk maybe they let the IF retrieve valued data or some minor relic ie statues or bones of great heroes from the chamber of remeberance or some such thing. And in return they helped the Ebon Jaws with the machine spirit of the Lance ect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StrangeGuy Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 It would be a massive slap in the face to a First Founding chapter to not even offer to return a piece of equipment. I think Dangerousdan's idea is a good one. The Fists retrieved a relic or some such from the ship and allowed the Ebon Jaws to keep the damaged vessel as a token of thanks.? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A_POINTED_STICK Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 That's a good idea. I'll change it so that say the Black Templars and Ebon Jaws worked together to clear a space hulk of Orks and once the Templars retrieved the remains of their Heresy Era Heroes from some crypt aboard the vessel they gave the rights of the hulk to the Commodore of that Ebon Jaws detachment as payment for their help. That way I have friendly ties to the Templars, a clean record with a victory against the Greens, and the ship as a reward. That's a bit better. The Templars I would think have the same authority as the Fists to grant the vessel. I feel like the Fists would be somewhat less relic hungry in comparison to the BT. Yeah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 I wouldn't use the word "payment" though, if I were you.. It has the wrong connotations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Normish Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Maybe the word "thanks." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A_POINTED_STICK Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 I'm resurrecting this thread to bring you the following to rekindle this project! :eek “It is said that the Fortress of Hera rises like a column of gleaming white marble dwarfing even the snowy peaks over whom it casts it's long shadow. It was the crowning achievement of Guilliman: an indominatable bastion designed to withstand any foe. Yet the story of that hallowed place is not a glorious one brothers. It is there that we begin the story of our founder, Lord Apollonius Maior, and of the death of Guilliman!” There was an uneasy silence in the Temple of Corrections. Guilliman was seated upon his mighty throne, flanked by the remaining twenty-three Honor Guards who gripped their axes tightly in their armored gauntlets. Their commander was absent, killed in defense of his lord. His body rested in its shroud upon his Storm Shield at the foot of the throne. Guilliman’s face seemed to smile reassuringly at the assemblage but beneath his expression it was clear he was deeply pained. For a long while the hundreds of astartes said nothing. They seemed numb to the pain. First the Emperor and now Guilliman. Not one astartes wept. Those sorts of emotions had been painstakingly excised by a lifetime of suffering and violence. But never before had any of the assembled warriors felt such hopelessness creep like a cancer into their hearts. Many had followed him for centuries. These Warrior-Kings of Macragge, who had been handpicked by their Lord to remain in the lapis lazuli heraldry of the Legion, all numbered among his most veteran companions. Finally Captain Apollonius strode forward from the ranks and turned to face the assembly. “Warriors of the 13th Legion! Companions of the Prince of Macragge! Guardians of the Ultramar! Heroes of Calth! Saviors of the Imperium! Scourge of Traitors!” He paused considering his words with unaccustomed hesitation. “This is the hour in which we earn our place of primacy among the defenders of mankind! We do not falter, we do not stumble! We stand upright! We have lost our Emperor and our Captain but we do not falter! We stand with Courage and Honor!” The room shook with the roar of voices. Their cheering echoed through the sterile halls of the marble basilica. Apollonius knelt beside the body of Commander Aias and placed the silver coins on his comrade’s eyes. He poured the blessed oil upon the body and set the body aflame with a torch handed to him by a grim faced serf dressed in the white tunic of his order. Apollonius rose to his full height and turned to the warriors who followed his example and knelt in respect for their dead. “Warriors of Macragge! Today we swear upon the memory of Brother Aias who stood a head and shoulders above us all! Aias unaided held off the terrible onslaught of the Phoenician himself! Forever shall we stand in the shadows of giants like Aias! Like the Angel of Blood, Aias chose to stand and die for the Imperium against the accursed hand of traitors! Thanks to his sacrifice, Guilliman rests in the embrace of sleep, not death! So too we swear upon this body to die so that others may live! That my brothers is our eternal calling: To maintain our vigil over this consecrated place and assure that the eternal flame that is the lifeblood of mankind is never extinguished!” He knelt again beside the burning body of Aias and for the first time since a childhood he no longer remembered, tears stained his face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A_POINTED_STICK Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 Here are some Color Schemes. The first picture is a bit dark but it's supposed to be the color of the Marine Corps uniforms and if anything it's too bright... I'm considering dropping the Whale image and going with an Neopolitan Mastiff for the Jaws part. I'm thinking that their big wrinkled doggedness fits the Marines better. They are guard dogs to Mankind and they're a homely lot. Their short lifespans and their aged look also fit the chapter's mantra of dying young like heroes. Example Ebon Jaws Marine (Navy Blue was Apollonius Maior's personal heraldry.) Example Ebon Jaws Veteran (White for Company Veterans, Gold pieces are Battle Honors awarded by the Lord Mariner (Chapter Master)) Example Ebon Jaws Lieutenant (Red for Lieutenant, Gold pieces are Battle Honors awarded by the Lord Mariner.) Example Ebon Jaws Honor Guard (Gold Pieces are Battle Honors awarded by the Lord Mariner, White Forearm is a mark of service in the Honor Guard demonstrating his willingness to spill his own blood for the Chapter and Mankind.) Example Ebon Jaws Commodore (Gold Pieces are Battle Honors awarded by the Lord Mariner, White Forearm denotes his past service in the Honor Guard.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishida Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Founding: Second Founding Sorry, but that's a red flag right there. The Second Founding was when the original Legions were broken up after the Horus Heresy. GW has that one locked down tight. There have been nearly ten millennia between the Second Founding and the "present day" of 40K. You can move your chapter to a later founding and still get in a loooong history of epic dering-do. Maior fell in battle against an enormous Waaagh of Orks that had built momentum during the scouring. He commanded the chapter champion, the marine closest to him, to shoulder the shield. The Marine who's name is lost to history took the shield from Maior and took the role of Chapter Master. The imagry of a trusted second taking up his fallen leader's shield and "shouldering" the burdens of leading the young Chapter are suitably epic and chivalrous for the Astartes... However, having the name of such an important figure "lost to history" strikes me as "I haven't bothered to think of a cool enough name!" The Ebon Jaws (named for the enormous reptilian sea beasts that made the personal heraldry of Maior) went on to rebuild their fleet and their chapter from among the populace of Hisarlik. A metropolitan world, Hisarlik is home to billions of people. Etcetra I'm kind of "Meh" on the name of the Chapter, but the Singapore-in-the-Age-of-Sail flavor that you've given their homeworld is a refreshing and unique one. Too many arctic/desert/jungle death-worlds in DIY Chapters if you ask me. The image of shanghai'd recruits is a fun twist too. But, frankly, it all seems a little rough and tumble for successors of Ultramarines. The chapter is organized into 10 Gentes-Companies. Each are headed by a Commodore. Each are equipped with a Strike Cruiser and several lighter frigates. The chapter additionally has 3 battle barges and 2 forge ships. Additionally Lykos Horatio commands the Lance of Dorn. The Lance was an Imperial Fist vessel lost during the Horus Heresy and it was discovered by a Commodore that would later go on to command the chapter. It had formed a space hulk but was rebuilt in the Delphine Spaceyards and is was rechristened as the "Nike" in the first half of the 41st millenium. It is larger then any of the other Battle Barges and in size and is bordering on a Ramalies Star Fort. It is still in geosynchronous orbit around Hisarlik and has never been deployed. Despite the black and white of the Ebon Jaws Nike is still ornamented in the golden yellow of it's heritage at the request of the Master of the Forge who felt it improper to the machine spirit to change the pigment. This is a neat bit, the merging of the old fashioned homeworld based Marines with a fleetbased chapter... why, they might actually act as marines! Personally, given this bit of history and the seedier side of their homeworld and unorthodox recruiting methods, I'd recommend you make them an Imperial Fists / Rogal Dorn successor chapter. As we've seen with the Black Templars, it isn't unusual for the Sons of Dorn to develop in odd ways. That said, something like 95% of the Astartes are of Ultramarines stock, so there can be some varriance there, too. But not from a Second Foudning chapter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A_POINTED_STICK Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 Yeah I've decided against second founding, I just haven't updated the first post. I'm switching them to third founding. Their Founder however was particularly long lived (ie lucky) Ultramarine and had fought in the Great Crusade, Heresy, and Scouring, and was there when Guilliman was wounded and lived until just after the 3rd founding where he was awarded command of the new chapter. However he died soon after their establishment in a battle. That makes him ~1200 when he died which puts him up there with Dante. I did think of a name of the 2nd Chapter Master, Solon Agrippa. Its further down. I just haven't really edited the first post. I'm dropping the Whale thing. I thought Mastiffs were suitably Roman and in addition have that Devil Dog Marine flavor. Idk I like Ebon Jaws with a big black Dog head. I'm open to better ideas though. Glad you like theme though. I still need to work on it a bit though. Crap now I'm tempted to make them Fists. I just realized they're the 7th Legion and my Sig is the 7th Army Motto which I think goes well with these marines... What to do, What to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishida Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Mastiffs do, indeed, have a history with the Roman Legions. The Romans originally used molossus. These dogs, large, well-trained and ferocious, helped spread the Roman Empire across the ancient world. They dominated battles until they meet their match in the Britain, where powerful Mastiffs called Pugnaces Britanniae had been born and breed. Gratius Falsius, a Roman author and historian, wrote of these frightful canines in the 8 AD, “Although the British dogs are distinguished neither by color nor good anatomy, I could not find any particular faults with them. When grim work must be done, when special pluck is needed, when Mars summons us to battle most extreme, then the powerful Molossus will please you less and the Athamanen dog cannot measure up to the skill of the British dog either. ” Seeing first hand their effectiveness in battle, the Romans quickly began employing these dogs in the Empire’s service. Anyhoo... its a good source of imagery for a Chapter that puts emphasis on the marine side of being a Space Marine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A_POINTED_STICK Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 Chapter Name: The Ebon Jaws Founding Chapter: Ultramarines Founding: Third Founding Chapter Master: Lykos Horace Homeworld: Hisarlik Fortress Monastery: The Palatine "The Halls of Maximilian" in Santa Annapolis (references to the Mexican American War) Motto: Now and Forever! Faithful Unto Death! (Nunc et Semper! Fidelis Usque ad Mortem!) (Instead of Semper Fidelis) Battle Cry: They Will Remember This Day! (Be it the Alamo, the Maine, Pearl Harbor, Nine/Eleven, or Thermopylae) Battle Hymn: From the Halls of Maximilian! Unto the Mouths of Hell! We fight against the Aliens, the Devils, and Rebels! On Earth, Sea, Sky, and Void, unto the Aether comes! First in Arms, Courage, and Honor! We're the finest ever seen! And we revel in the glory! Of the Emperor's Space Marines! (I thought this was suitably clever for 40k standards) Some Commander Names: Lord Admiral of the Fleet Lykos Legree Horace de jure of the Super Battle Barge "Nike" "Victory"; de facto Strike Cruiser "Beati Pacifici" "Blessed are the Peacemakers" (Honor Guard are nicknamed "The Peacemakers" after their ship.) Lord Admiral Roboute Ephraim MacLeod, Captain of the Battle Barge "Lux Aeterna" "Eternal Light" Lord Admiral Ulysses Hiram Gustav, Captain of the Battle Barge "Animorum Petropolis" "Spirits of Petersburg" Lord Admiral Zachariah Benjamin Tayl, Captain of the Battle Barge "Causa Mortis" "Cause of Death" Lord Commodore Georgios Valerius Martial, Captain of the Strike Cruiser "Custos Morum" "Guardian of Morals" Lord Commodore Wilhelm Thanatos Sherman, Captain of the Strike Cruiser "De Iure" "In Principle" Lord Commodore Liam Heinrich Harris, Captain of the Strike Cruiser "Dira Necessitas" "Dire Necessity" Lord Commodore Walter Abram Scott,Captain of the Strike Cruiser "Esto Perpetua" "Let it be Forever" Lord Commodore Tomaz Petros de Jaque, Captain of the Strike Cruiser "Fiat Justitia" "Let Justice Be Done" Lord Commodore James Orwell Bosch Steward, Captain of the Strike Cruiser "Imperii Libertas" "Power of Freedom" Lord Commodore Jacob Edmund Longshanks, Captain of the Strike Cruiser Jus Gentium "The Law of Nations" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A_POINTED_STICK Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Some Bios: I don't know if they'll go into the IA but they're being written regardless. I'm trying to make them as unimpressive yet still reasonable as leaders as possible. No fan boy. They're all deeply flawed for marines and the chapter as a whole will be more known for pyrrhic survival than crushing victories. "Lykos" Legree Horace: Lord Admiral of the Fleet; Captain of the Beati Pacifici; Commander of the Peacemakers Honor Guard Lykos Horace was originally an unremarkable recruit of the chapter. His father had been a wealthy slaver named Simeon. Simeon had managed to find himself on bad terms with the Shades for practicing his trade in a group of slums that a Shade had put under his protection. Simeon’s thugs managed to severely wound the Shade and Horace found himself under siege by black clad assassins. Simeon was killed and his son Legree Horace was taken by the Shades. There among that shadowy order he proved himself worthy and was elevated to Initiate and trained as a Space Marine. Lykos (Little Wolf) as he became known among his brothers proved himself to be both “An incorrigible pugnacious bastard” and “The finest Marine in the Chapter-Corps” by his commanding officer Samuel Ammen. He quickly mastered a gamut of weapons finding the bolt pistol to be “the finest instrument of Man’s destructive impulses ever manufactured for the purpose of doing good,” and named the Ceres Pattern he had aquired from a Rogue Trader “Peacemaker.” When Commodore Samuel Ammen was made the Lord Admiral of the Fleet, Lykos was chosen as his aide and appointed Commander of his Honor Guard. Lykos initially found himself at odds with the men, very much his seniors, whom he found himself commanding. He did manage to become close to the Chapter’s “Master Sabreur” Joaquin Murat under whom he studied the art of the sword and found himself a natural. In the Ancient Tradition of the Chapter he found his place beside Samuel Ammen as his long time commander and friend lay dying on the chalky plains of Cardenas in a disasterous ambush. When Roboute Macleod and his First Company “Lucifers” broke through the rebel lines he found the numerous corpses of the Honor Guard supporting the Lord Admiral’s ruined body like a funeral pyre. The sole survivor amid the bodies was Lykos Horace: a marine simply too stubborn to die. While the chapter mourned the death of Ammen, Horace was slowly rebuilt by the Master of the Forge. When he awoke he found himself adressed as the Admiral of the Fleet. Since Cardenas, Lykos Horace has proven as incorrigible and pugnacious as ever. He has manged to earn the enmity and respect of a half dozen Imperial organizations and famously broke the nose of an Inquisitor Lord for “trying to pick a fight in my War Room.” Later he accused an Imperial Cardinal of being a heretic and threw him down a flight of stairs to his death. The Ordo Hereticus later cleared Horace of charges upon finding significant evidence against the Cardinal. His military exploits have been the thing of legend, Horace is self described as “a miserable strategist” but has proven a great leader of men and a fierce warrior leading to his unorthodox command decision of delegating overall command to his First Captain. Armed with the prized Chapter Relic The Shield Mariner, his pistol “Peacemaker” and a power saber, Lykos Horace has managed to lead his Chapter for over 45 years. His ship the “Beati Pacifici” is a brand new Strike Cruiser commissioned from Mars after the Ebon Jaws rescued an Adeptus Mechanicus Explorator Fleet from a Tyrannid splinter fleet. The chapter took heavy losses during that campaign and his Honor Guard, whom he had nicknamed The Peacemakers after his faithful bolt pistol, were killed to a man. Horace himself was severely wounded after ramming his now destroyed Strike Cruiser “Mani Perditus” through a hiveship and mortally wounding the dozens of miles long tentacled horror. The Strike Cruiser was severely damaged and was flooded with millions of Tyrannid organisms. The Peacemakers fought against overwhelming odds and were dragged down one by one in defense of their lord. Horace found himself alone against the unending tide and rather than losing the Shield Mariner and almost nine thousand years of honor he was forced to abandon the ship and teleport to the Causa Mortis. In memory of his Honor Guard he named the replacement “Blessed are the Peacemakers”and rebuilt the order. While the chapter has recently completed centuries of work on the Nike, Horace is afraid to deploy the massive ship, not fully trusting his dogged bullishness with the vessel. As such he is more comfortable with commanding the new Strike Cruiser. Roboute Ephraim Macleod: Lord Admiral; Captain of the Lux Aeterna; Master of the Academy; Commander of the Lucifers Known simply as “The Old Man” by the First Company whom he calls his “Lucifers,” the Lord Admiral is an institution of the Chapter. His fellow Lord Admiral Zachariah Tayl, ancient himself, cannot remember a time when Macleod was not the commander of the First Company. Macleod is tall and stern with white hair and a neatly trimmed beard. His haunted eyes have watched thousands of Astartes fall in battle. He appears cold even for a Space Marine, but his comrades have observed his surprisingly soft spoken and gentle nature with his enormous mastiffs who are his constant companions. Lord of the Fleet Horace despite his title feels himself unworthy of command due to his inexperience and made Macleod the actual commander of the chapter. Macleod has a close relationship with the other Admirals and Commodores of the chapter. Outside of combat he can be found lecturing in the Academy onboard the Lux Aeterna. He is beloved by the grey clad chapter’s serfs, whom the chapter relies on extensively, as a mascot of sorts. His off-white Terminator Armor is unique to his person among the blue ranks of the Ebon Jaws. His personal Land Raider is called Le Travail and boasts the same off-white coloring and the rare Achilles configuration. Ulysses Hiram Gustav: Lord Admiral; Captain of the Animorum Petropolis; Commander of the Redeemers Ulysses Gustav is about as tough a man as the chapter has. Dark haired and bearded despire a venerable service to the chapter, Gustav is withdrawn from his men. He has a predisposition towards prolonged feelings of despair. His only respite from his depression is in combat. His strange behavior is believed to stem back to treatment received while taken prisoner by the nefarious Emperor’s Children. While silent on the affair it is believed by his Battle Brothers that the unholy tortures of the 3rd Legion almost broke him. He still bears the extensive scarring across his throat where they hooked him into their vile machines. They are not far from the truth. They had in fact broken him. An upright man, he had been made to spit upon every oath, every vow, every code. It had almost killed him. However when he had finally been driven to the point of accepting the Dark Gods he found a well of strength he did not know he possessed. The Emperor, he believes, blessed him with a tiny portion of his strength. He broke free and slew the foul heretics and somehow found his way back to Hisarlik. While proven pure physically and spiritually he cannot forget how close he had come to taking the eight fold path. His shame is overwhelming and he feels he can only be redeemed in battle. Zachariah Benjamin Tayl: Lord Admiral; Captain of the Causa Mortis; Commander of the Forsaken Zachary Benjamin Tayl is a lion of a man with a mane of white hair surmounting his patrician features and his lips set in a perpetual scowl. His family were genteel nobility, part of a conspiracy to remove the Ebon Jaws from Hisarlik. When they were crushed he was inducted by the Shades. His unadorned and constantly mud stained armor earned him the monicker “Rough and Ready.” He is unforgivingly disagreeable and hopelessly without tact in fine company. His habits are crude at best and his senior Macleod tries to keep the bluff marine away from imperial delegates and beaurocrats. He has taken a liking to Horace with whom he shares his morbid sense of humor and has become a mentor to the unusually young Admiral of the Fleet. His company are called “The Forsaken” an acknowledgement of Tayl’s habit of volunteering his men for near disasterous missions. However it is only because of Tayl’s enormous skill that these missions succeed at all. The Forsaken are proud of being the company that consistantly recieve the worst casualties. Tayl is as celebrated as he is cursed, a larger than life figure who when his luck runs out will be listed among the chapter’s finest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A_POINTED_STICK Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 BUMP... :fakenopic: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Origins Heralding the start of the thirty-second millennium, the High Lords ordained the founding of a number of new chapters. Chapter number sixty-six was granted to one of the greatest heroes of the Imperium. Apollonius the Great (as he became popularly known after his death) was a particularly long lived member of the Ultramarines. He had been recruited on Calth and had fought alongside the 13th Legion during the Great Crusade, rising to the rank of Veteran Sergeant. - What is with the Calth? This is the second Chapter Master from that thrice-cursed place... He is Ultra-awesome to the point of rivalling Dante in the longevity. No way for Ultramarine to be *that* old. He bore a great burden in the form of the battered shield of a comrade who had died defending Roboute Guilliman against the Phoenician. - If you are talking about Fulgrim, talk about Fulgrim. No need to use fancy nicknames. Lesbos - Poetic me died right here. Battle Doctrine They rely on a massive war machine of which the War Hounds are simply the tip of the saber. - Typo, I presume. Every major ship carries thousands of chapter armsmen who are fully trained warriors in their own right. They act primarily as support staff of the chapter but in times of great conflict half a million soldiers stand ready to be deployed for combat by the chapter. This unorthodoxy sets them apart from more codex chapters however the Marines (and the Ministorum) prefer they keep their armsmen on their ships where they belong. - The Edict of Separation of Power wants to disagree with you, written by the hand of your own Primarch. - Why Ministorum? Organisation - Ah, the Reasonable Marines here? Sorry man, but your menthod of representation/implementation is over-complicated and too cumbersome. ++++++ Overall, some good ideas. The belief IS interesting, BUT... the overuse of RW names of persons and places really irks me. If you want to make wink towards your inspiration, do it in clever way. Don't blast me with copy-paste/rip-offs. 2nd, the entire organisation section is epic fail to me. The Universe nor Astartes aren't suitable for this level of "reality". Edit: To be honest, the colour scheme is too dark, especially with the white background. What I see, is some vague black figure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.