Wraiths of Darkness

[TheDarkApostle]

Just to point out that you used the word Omnipotence in the first post where I think you wanted to use Omnipresence. :D

 

TDA

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Just to point out that you used the word Omnipotence in the first post where I think you wanted to use Omnipresence. :)

 

TDA

Omnipotence, actually, is the correct term, what good is omnipresence if you don't have the power to back it up? Which is what the Wraiths want them to think, that they have the power to back it up... Hence, the correct term being Omnipotence.

 

Although I do understand why you think that Omnipresence is what I meant.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

The Haemon Heresy

 

Around 123.M38, the seed of Chaos infested the ranks of the Wraiths. In the Fifth Summoning, the Librarian had been killed, and he had not properly trained his successor. In this lull, with a force of Wraiths led by another Llibrarian, named Haemon, was en route, a few marines of the Fifth secretly started worshipping Chaos.

 

The taint slowly spread to the rest of the Summoning, given time by the long distances seperating the forces of the Wraiths. Eventually, the war-leader of the the Fifth was converted, and shortly aftwerwards the Librarian and his force arrived.

 

Haemon saw the power of those who worshipped Chaos, and initially thought to alert the Phantom Lord... but decided against it after being offered the position of leader of the Fifth. Haemon accepted, and turned his powers to turning the other Librarians to the service of the Dark Gods.

 

He managed to turn almost two thirds of the Wraiths before the Phantom Lord even knew, but once he did, his response was immediate. He ordered the First Summoning and the staff with the Phantom Lord to find and purge these heretics.

 

Unseen war ensued. Wraiths were ambushing Wraiths, and the two forces of Wraiths fought to a stalemate, the power of Chaos and superiour numbers matching the elites of the Wraiths skill and prowess. Haemon was now called the Heretic Lord by the loyal Wraiths, his power growing with every one of his former brothers that he killed. He had no match, and even cut down the Master of Shadows in personal combat.

 

The loyalist Wraiths grew desperate then, and forced they and the traitors into one confrontation. It was there that the Loyalists used their all or nothing card, the True Wraith... and its deadliest cargo. The Wraiths battled, and eventually the Loyalists won out, but while the rest of the traitorous forces fled, the strike cruiser commanded by Haemon himself struck the already wounded True Wraith. It was crippled, but it still managed to do very important things.

 

The first was send out an order, to immediately pursue and destroy the fleeing traitors. The second was to send a Vortex missile directly onto the bridge where Haemon was located.

 

Haemon survived, and teleported himself using his dark powers to the bridge of the True Wraith. "I'll be back', he promised, and dissapeared before the bolters aimed at him could fire.

 

Thanks to the orders of the Phantom Lord aboard the True Wraith, the rest of the traitors were destroyed. The only surviving rebel Wraith remains to be Haemon.

[Leonaides]

How do I put it nicely -

 

a few marines of the Fifth secretly started worshipping Chaos.

No.

initially thought to alert the Phantom Lord... but decided against it after being offered the position of leader of the Fifth

No

almost two thirds of the Wraiths before the Phantom Lord even knew

Unlikely

Unseen war ensued. Wraiths were ambushing Wraiths, and the two forces of Wraiths fought to a stalemate, the power of Chaos and superiour numbers matching the elites of the Wraiths skill and prowess

Good, I like this bit.

his power growing with every one of his former brothers that he killed

Why/how? Was he sacrificing them, or was it simply that with every one he killed there was one less to oppose him?

but it still managed to do very important things

re-phrase, sounds childish at the moment.

 

 

 

And is this happening while they are still true loyalists, or is it after they have been excommunicated by the Imperium?

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

How do I put it nicely -

 

a few marines of the Fifth secretly started worshipping Chaos.

No.

initially thought to alert the Phantom Lord... but decided against it after being offered the position of leader of the Fifth

No

almost two thirds of the Wraiths before the Phantom Lord even knew

Unlikely

Unseen war ensued. Wraiths were ambushing Wraiths, and the two forces of Wraiths fought to a stalemate, the power of Chaos and superiour numbers matching the elites of the Wraiths skill and prowess

Good, I like this bit.

his power growing with every one of his former brothers that he killed

Why/how? Was he sacrificing them, or was it simply that with every one he killed there was one less to oppose him?

but it still managed to do very important things

re-phrase, sounds childish at the moment.

 

 

 

And is this happening while they are still true loyalists, or is it after they have been excommunicated by the Imperium?

After they turned away from the Imperium... slightly obvious after reading the IT that I'm not going in depth about the previous chapter?

 

And I fail to see why the top two couldn't happen, post-turning.

 

The Third one is because most communication between the Wraiths is purely psychic... as explained in the IT.

 

Both, for the marines dieing strengthening Haemon thing.

 

I'll edit the last thing, though. I must have had a typing fail.

[Leonaides]

A bit more time now so I'll try and explain a bit more:

 

A few marines suddenly starting to worship chaos after the 5th Summonings Librarian is killed: How did they suddenly pick up this knowledge? Or did they have it before the Librarian died? If so, why did he not notice and execute them first? Then, why did none of their brothers kill them for becoming nothing more than chaos worshipers...

 

Then you have your Librarian simply ignoring his duty, going agaisnt his training, and betraying his brothers and his master - simply becausue someone offers him another command (note - he's already got a command rank apparently since he's leading this second force of Wraiths). What happend to the previous War-leader of the 5th? I cant see him just meekly accepting a newcomer stepping in over his head.

 

Then 2/3rds of the wraiths turn to chaos - wouldnt the Phantom Lord notice when his marines stopped doing his bidding? Wouldnt he notice if summonings werent wehre they should be, doing the jobs he issued to them? Or if they were meeting together every now and then - how did Haemon manage to convert every new marine without any of them gettign a warning out? Even Horus wasnt that good. Did none of the Librarians Haemon approached send a message? Or did he just kill them? Wouldnt the Phantom Lord notice when his Librarians started dying whenever they meet Haemon and his company? And wouldnt the Phantom Lord wonder why Haemon was now leading a summoning that he shouldnt be leading?

 

Some thing to think about - are you simply complicating your IT or does this actually help you get the underlying IT locked down? Because I dont think it actually adds anything apart from more things to trip you up on.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

A bit more time now so I'll try and explain a bit more:

 

Good, last time was really orbitrary sounding, not that you would ever be arbitrary :P

 

A few marines suddenly starting to worship chaos after the 5th Summonings Librarian is killed: How did they suddenly pick up this knowledge? Or did they have it before the Librarian died? If so, why did he not notice and execute them first? Then, why did none of their brothers kill them for becoming nothing more than chaos worshipers...

When I wrote this, the mental image I had was that the chaplian/librarian wasn't looking over their shoulder anymore so they got to worship Chaos, however they weren't so sure their 'brothers' would condone it.

 

Then you have your Librarian simply ignoring his duty, going agaisnt his training, and betraying his brothers and his master - simply becausue someone offers him another command (note - he's already got a command rank apparently since he's leading this second force of Wraiths). What happend to the previous War-leader of the 5th? I cant see him just meekly accepting a newcomer stepping in over his head.

Yes, but the thing is Chaos offers more. Not sure if this is explained in the IT, but Librarians are like chaplians, they don't really hold a command of their own although they can give orders and are fairly respected. For some people, when more beckons, they accept - basic principle of Chaos Marines right there, in fact.

 

This is one of those incidents. It's not unheard of.

 

Then 2/3rds of the wraiths turn to chaos - wouldnt the Phantom Lord notice when his marines stopped doing his bidding? Wouldnt he notice if summonings werent wehre they should be, doing the jobs he issued to them? Or if they were meeting together every now and then - how did Haemon manage to convert every new marine without any of them gettign a warning out? Even Horus wasnt that good. Did none of the Librarians Haemon approached send a message? Or did he just kill them? Wouldnt the Phantom Lord notice when his Librarians started dying whenever they meet Haemon and his company? And wouldnt the Phantom Lord wonder why Haemon was now leading a summoning that he shouldnt be leading?

 

Would you go after the ones least likely to turn with next to no backing for yourself first? No, you would go after the ones who are most likely to turn, right? And each time he convinced one, they would be able to support him, right? This, coupled with the fact that you can't alert the Phantom Lord nor contact the other Wraiths by other means than psychicly means that Haemon was able to gather supporters quickly before he was finally turned down and the Phantom Lord was alerted.

 

Do you want me to explain that in the IT? Or rather, in the story going into the IT? Because the details are there in the IT already, you just have to follow a little logic to get to that point... have you read the IT?

 

Some thing to think about - are you simply complicating your IT or does this actually help you get the underlying IT locked down? Because I dont think it actually adds anything apart from more things to trip you up on.

 

It's there to try and give a 'real' example of how the Wraiths operate and how it actually affects them, while providing a semi-epic and some additional history on a major event in the history of the Wraiths of Darkness.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Planning to update soon... So be prepared...

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Combat Doctrine

 

Unusually, the Wraiths of Darkness still adhere to the Codex, due to it's flexibility. However, the Wraiths tend to be more extreme in their doctrines; when the Codex dictates that a missile launcher and a flamer be given to maximise flexibility, the Wraiths instead double up squads with two missile launchers and two flamers, with each squad breaking up into five man teams. These 'interpretations' change and are usually different between various Summonings.

 

The Wraiths of Darkness also completely refuse the usage of daemonic beings or daemonic war machines. The Librarians allow themselves to use raw Chaotic power, but do not make pacts with the beings in the Warp to gain more. Such is the path to the destruction of the Wraiths, and thus the Librarians that moniter the Summonings are monitered themselves.

 

Because the Wraiths of Darkness use a variety of geneseed, the different Summonings often have different specialties at various theatres of war. Each Summoning has it's own general combat preferences, although typically they retain enough variety in their composition to handle any obstacle. As an example, the Red Blade summoning prefers to rely heavily on fast-attack tactics using bikes and the prized land speeders, but are versatile enough to engage in other tactics should the need arise. This versatility is further enhanced by the various specialists within the Summoning.

 

 

 

 

 

Hmmmmm.... I'm not sure I explained this well.

Edited November 4, 2010 by Dark Apostle Thirst

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Ummmm.... :down:

[Shinzaren]

Ummmm.... :o

 

Easy buddy. It's only been a couple of days. It was a holiday for one, and I'm sure people were gone/away from their comps. I'm back like a heart attack though, so let's see what we've got to work with.

 

Unusually, the Wraiths of Darkness still adhere to the Codex, due to it's flexibility.

I dunno if this is worth mentioning. Makes them seem Loyalist. I'd leave it out.

 

However, the Wraiths tend to be more extreme in their doctrines; when the Codex dictates that a missile launcher and a flamer be given to maximise flexibility, the Wraiths instead double up squads with two missile launchers and give another two flamers, each squad having a countersquad to make up for their own lack. These 'interpretations' change and are usually different between various Summonings.

Which is a good in theory, but raises some problems in practice. Example:

 

Squad A has two missile launchers, and is the anti-armor, however, they run up against a vast chittering horde of Tyranids, where their missiles are rather less than effective. They call for Squad B, who had two flamers. Unfortunately, Squad B ran up against a Carnifex and their Flamers are rather less than effective. Trapped on opposite ends of the Tyranid warhost, Squad B gets eaten by the Carnifex, and Squad A is slowly brought down by the innumerable horde of smaller beasts. Now, if Squads A and B both had 1 launcher and 1 flamer, they would be far more able to handle the situation above. The idea of a counter squad doesn't work well with the rules of warfare, where squads can be easily cut off and forced to work alone.

 

The Wraiths of Darkness also completely refuse the usage of daemonic beings or daemonic war machines. The Librarians allow themselves to use raw Chaotic power, but do not make pacts with the beings in the Warp to gain more. Such is the path to the destruction of the Wraiths, and thus the Librarians that moniter the Summonings are monitered themselves.

Who monitors the Librarians? In a normal Chapter the Librarium would do this, but you don't have one. Who watches your psyker pets and make sure they don't do anything foolish?

 

Because the Wraiths of Darkness use a variety of geneseed, the different Summonings often have different specialties at various theatres of war.

Perhaps changes to state that each summoning is made up of renegades from a variety of different chapters? Thus leading to the specialties? After all, gene-seed is no carrier of tactics or specialties.

 

Necessity has created specialists at a squad by squad basis, so that when one service is bought from the Wraiths, there is a squad that can perform the mission. However, Summonings still tend to exhibit abilities that are enjoyed by most of that Summoning. The Red Blades Summoning is an example of this, although all the squads within can use any different type of weapon or peice of equipment, the Red Blades typically enjoy and are skilled at using bikes, predators, and the rare, prized land speeders.

So, if I understand this right, each summoning has a few specialist squads which are good are unique things, but the Summoning as a whole still shares an over-arching specialty? Like your Red Blades? Individual squads in the summoning might be good at demolitions, long range warfare, sniping, or assaults, but as a summoning, they are inclined towards the use of fast attack? That the goal here?

 

Another good addition. You need to start compiling your changes into a completed and updated main post, so new readers know what's be done.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Ummmm.... :)

 

Easy buddy. It's only been a couple of days. It was a holiday for one, and I'm sure people were gone/away from their comps. I'm back like a heart attack though, so let's see what we've got to work with.

 

When I first read that, I thought you said you had a heart attack :)

 

Unusually, the Wraiths of Darkness still adhere to the Codex, due to it's flexibility.

I dunno if this is worth mentioning. Makes them seem Loyalist. I'd leave it out.

 

I could go into a debate and a long explanation, but basicly they are a reflection of the loyalists should be, instead of the lies that the Imperum creates to protect itself.

 

However, the Wraiths tend to be more extreme in their doctrines; when the Codex dictates that a missile launcher and a flamer be given to maximise flexibility, the Wraiths instead double up squads with two missile launchers and give another two flamers, each squad having a countersquad to make up for their own lack. These 'interpretations' change and are usually different between various Summonings.

Which is a good in theory, but raises some problems in practice. Example:

 

Squad A has two missile launchers, and is the anti-armor, however, they run up against a vast chittering horde of Tyranids, where their missiles are rather less than effective. They call for Squad B, who had two flamers. Unfortunately, Squad B ran up against a Carnifex and their Flamers are rather less than effective. Trapped on opposite ends of the Tyranid warhost, Squad B gets eaten by the Carnifex, and Squad A is slowly brought down by the innumerable horde of smaller beasts. Now, if Squads A and B both had 1 launcher and 1 flamer, they would be far more able to handle the situation above. The idea of a counter squad doesn't work well with the rules of warfare, where squads can be easily cut off and forced to work alone.

 

Hmmmmm... I might consider doubling up on weapons (IE squad x has two launchers and two flamers) but not sure how to represent that ruleswise or make it seem not overpowered. I don't want to make them too like their loyalist brethren.

 

The Wraiths of Darkness also completely refuse the usage of daemonic beings or daemonic war machines. The Librarians allow themselves to use raw Chaotic power, but do not make pacts with the beings in the Warp to gain more. Such is the path to the destruction of the Wraiths, and thus the Librarians that moniter the Summonings are monitered themselves.

Who monitors the Librarians? In a normal Chapter the Librarium would do this, but you don't have one. Who watches your psyker pets and make sure they don't do anything foolish?

 

Er, should clarify that, basicly the Librarians that have been chosen to be the elite.... They are the personal bodyguard of the Phantom Lord and are on the ship with him as he runs the Wraiths of Darkness. These elite Librarians keep in contact with the Librarians that are attached to the Summonings, monitering them as they do so. They themselves need no monitering, because the Phantom Lord chose them specificly because of their understanding of what would happen if they fell.

 

Because the Wraiths of Darkness use a variety of geneseed, the different Summonings often have different specialties at various theatres of war.

Perhaps changes to state that each summoning is made up of renegades from a variety of different chapters? Thus leading to the specialties? After all, gene-seed is no carrier of tactics or specialties.

 

You haven't read the First Heretic, because Argel Tal would strongly disagree with you :)

 

Necessity has created specialists at a squad by squad basis, so that when one service is bought from the Wraiths, there is a squad that can perform the mission. However, Summonings still tend to exhibit abilities that are enjoyed by most of that Summoning. The Red Blades Summoning is an example of this, although all the squads within can use any different type of weapon or peice of equipment, the Red Blades typically enjoy and are skilled at using bikes, predators, and the rare, prized land speeders.

So, if I understand this right, each summoning has a few specialist squads which are good are unique things, but the Summoning as a whole still shares an over-arching specialty? Like your Red Blades? Individual squads in the summoning might be good at demolitions, long range warfare, sniping, or assaults, but as a summoning, they are inclined towards the use of fast attack? That the goal here?

 

Yes, you explained it better... Should I clarify that? I'm assuming yes, but I'm not sure how on that one, I was already aware when I wrote it that it would be difficult to explain without making it seem less in-universe.

 

Another good addition. You need to start compiling your changes into a completed and updated main post, so new readers know what's be done.

The main post is updated, although not sure if the Haemon Heresy is there. I'll probably put it in a sidebar.

[Ace Debonair]

The Wraiths of Darkness also completely refuse the usage of daemonic beings or daemonic war machines. The Librarians allow themselves to use raw Chaotic power, but do not make pacts with the beings in the Warp to gain more. Such is the path to the destruction of the Wraiths, and thus the Librarians that moniter the Summonings are monitered themselves.

Who monitors the Librarians? In a normal Chapter the Librarium would do this, but you don't have one. Who watches your psyker pets and make sure they don't do anything foolish?

 

Er, should clarify that, basicly the Librarians that have been chosen to be the elite.... They are the personal bodyguard of the Phantom Lord and are on the ship with him as he runs the Wraiths of Darkness. These elite Librarians keep in contact with the Librarians that are attached to the Summonings, monitering them as they do so. They themselves need no monitering, because the Phantom Lord chose them specificly because of their understanding of what would happen if they fell.

 

Perhaps you could have one of their key duties as keeping an eye on each other, watching for signs of them slipping into Sorceror country.

 

Necessity has created specialists at a squad by squad basis, so that when one service is bought from the Wraiths, there is a squad that can perform the mission. However, Summonings still tend to exhibit abilities that are enjoyed by most of that Summoning. The Red Blades Summoning is an example of this, although all the squads within can use any different type of weapon or peice of equipment, the Red Blades typically enjoy and are skilled at using bikes, predators, and the rare, prized land speeders.

So, if I understand this right, each summoning has a few specialist squads which are good are unique things, but the Summoning as a whole still shares an over-arching specialty? Like your Red Blades? Individual squads in the summoning might be good at demolitions, long range warfare, sniping, or assaults, but as a summoning, they are inclined towards the use of fast attack? That the goal here?

 

Yes, you explained it better... Should I clarify that? I'm assuming yes, but I'm not sure how on that one, I was already aware when I wrote it that it would be difficult to explain without making it seem less in-universe.

 

Oh go on, let's have a go:

"Each Summoning has it's own general combat preferences, although typically they retain enough variety in their composition to handle any obstacle. As an example, the Red Blade summoning prefers to rely heavily on fast-attack tactics using bikes and the prized land speeders, but are versatile enough to engage in other tactics should the need arise."

 

Is that any use to you? ;)

 

Another good addition. You need to start compiling your changes into a completed and updated main post, so new readers know what's be done.

The main post is updated, although not sure if the Haemon Heresy is there. I'll probably put it in a sidebar.

Is the main post the first post? 'Cause that hasn't been updated for a while. :D

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Perhaps you could have one of their key duties as keeping an eye on each other, watching for signs of them slipping into Sorceror country.

 

Again, I think I failed to clarify... there are two groups of Librarians - the ones spread out through the Summonings and the ones that are with the Phantom Lord. The ones with the Phantom Lord moniter the ones in the Summonings.

 

Oh go on, let's have a go:

"Each Summoning has it's own general combat preferences, although typically they retain enough variety in their composition to handle any obstacle. As an example, the Red Blade summoning prefers to rely heavily on fast-attack tactics using bikes and the prized land speeders, but are versatile enough to engage in other tactics should the need arise."

 

Is that any use to you? ^_^

 

I'll base what I right off of that :tu I want it to be slightly longer, though, that's the only reason it won't be a straight copy and paste.

 

Is the main post the first post? 'Cause that hasn't been updated for a while. ^_^

I need to put the Haemon Heresy into a sidebar, but other than that it should be updated with the stuff that has been approved and passed through the purification process.

[Ace Debonair]

Perhaps you could have one of their key duties as keeping an eye on each other, watching for signs of them slipping into Sorceror country.

 

Again, I think I failed to clarify... there are two groups of Librarians - the ones spread out through the Summonings and the ones that are with the Phantom Lord. The ones with the Phantom Lord moniter the ones in the Summonings.

Actually, re-reading that I can see what you meant. I think my brain just omitted a few details earlier. ;)

Oh go on, let's have a go:

"Each Summoning has it's own general combat preferences, although typically they retain enough variety in their composition to handle any obstacle. As an example, the Red Blade summoning prefers to rely heavily on fast-attack tactics using bikes and the prized land speeders, but are versatile enough to engage in other tactics should the need arise."

 

Is that any use to you? ^_^

 

I'll base what I right off of that :tu I want it to be slightly longer, though, that's the only reason it won't be a straight copy and paste.

Fine by me. :P

Is the main post the first post? 'Cause that hasn't been updated for a while. :lol:

I need to put the Haemon Heresy into a sidebar, but other than that it should be updated with the stuff that has been approved and passed through the purification process.

From the first post:

This post has been edited by Dark Apostle Thirst: Sep 20 2010, 10:02 PM

I think that was what threw me off, then.

I'll take a proper look once I've had some much-needed sleep. :D

[Leonaides]

I'll be trying to pop by as and wehn I can to comment, am still reading but work's got a bit mad so wont have as much time. Good luck on the writing.

[Ace Debonair]

Here's that proper look I promised yesterday. ;)

 

To the forces of Chaos they had been there much longer, and were much more potent. The Wraiths had fought a long existence to earn their reputation, and had become known as mercenaries and assassins who could be found anywhere. They had outposts in the Eye of Terror, the Shroud Stars, the Eastern Fringe and several other hives of Chaotic activity. If a leader had the resources, they could buy any number of Wraiths to do any job. There was only one exception to this, and that was the Legions themselves.

 

That last sentence is a little awkward. Perhaps something like:

 

"The Wraiths, however, made a point of staying clear of the infamous Chaos Legions, knowing that their leaders would be all too keen to absorb the Wraiths into their numbers."

 

The only thing known about the whereabouts of the Wraiths base of operations is that it is a fleet, somewhere in the Eye of Terror. Where in the Eye is unknown, but the most frequent and largest sightings of the Wraiths have appeared there.

 

To the Wraiths themselves, their history is not so simple.

Maybe:

"The only thing the Imperium knows about the whereabouts of the Wraiths base of operations..."

 

The Wraiths of Darkness have records of the Emperor's Wraiths, which they once were. This is not considered their history, but is held their all the same so that they might learn from their own mistakes. Their history began when they fled to the Eye of Terror after the betrayal of an Inquisitorial force, and made their home amongst the other warbands. They started making a name for themselves when they assasinated the leader of a warband, followed by prompt payment from the man who became his successor. The tale travelled quickly, courtesy of the employer, causing several other warband leaders to become more wary, and an equal number of lieutenants to plot their rise to power.

So it's not their history, but it is their mistakes? How about:

"This is not considered their true history, but is held as an example of how blind loyalty can make even worthy men fools."

 

Because of such attention that they have built, they are often requested on the battlefield thus require more astartes. The Phantom Lords have all recognized this problem and have spent nearly ninety percent of all their resources is put into generating new astartes and acclimatize the absorbed warbands into the mindset of the Wraiths of Darkness.

This was not an easy task. Many attempts to 'reset' absorbed warbands failed horribly, leaving automatons or berzerkers. Other Phantom Lords have tried to somehow make the geneseed reproduce faster, and degenerated some of it horribly. However, the Wraiths have slowly learned from their mistakes and have begun to grow their numbers to larger than most chapters.

 

Instead of dropping the percentage-bomb, why not simply make it "spent considerable resources"?

It looks a bit neater that way, to my mind, and the figures are less exact.

 

Unlike most other warbands, the Wraiths select those worthy of command into place and execute those who kill for their position. This ensures that the Wraiths do not become disorganized and ineffeceint, and are instead well organized and extremely potent.

 

So does this mean that it's not possible for a Wraith to kill his way to the top?

Have I understood that correctly?

 

The Wraiths of Darkness believe in the Chaos Gods, and they believe the Emperor is a name for a technology that creates the Astrominicon. However, the Wraiths do not worship the Chaos Gods, seeing the fate of those who have turned to Chaos. This rule has been broken once, and nearly forced the Wraiths to destruction.

 

Interesting. Are you going to have any more about this event that nearly wiped the WoD out?

 

It's certainly coming together, this IT. Good stuff.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

I'll be trying to pop by as and wehn I can to comment, am still reading but work's got a bit mad so wont have as much time. Good luck on the writing.

 

Thank you, Leonides, I always appreciate your criticism :)

 

Here's that proper look I promised yesterday. :P

 

To the forces of Chaos they had been there much longer, and were much more potent. The Wraiths had fought a long existence to earn their reputation, and had become known as mercenaries and assassins who could be found anywhere. They had outposts in the Eye of Terror, the Shroud Stars, the Eastern Fringe and several other hives of Chaotic activity. If a leader had the resources, they could buy any number of Wraiths to do any job. There was only one exception to this, and that was the Legions themselves.

 

That last sentence is a little awkward. Perhaps something like:

 

"The Wraiths, however, made a point of staying clear of the infamous Chaos Legions, knowing that their leaders would be all too keen to absorb the Wraiths into their numbers."

 

I'll probably steal that... :D

 

The only thing known about the whereabouts of the Wraiths base of operations is that it is a fleet, somewhere in the Eye of Terror. Where in the Eye is unknown, but the most frequent and largest sightings of the Wraiths have appeared there.

 

To the Wraiths themselves, their history is not so simple.

Maybe:

"The only thing the Imperium knows about the whereabouts of the Wraiths base of operations..."

 

And that...

 

The Wraiths of Darkness have records of the Emperor's Wraiths, which they once were. This is not considered their history, but is held their all the same so that they might learn from their own mistakes. Their history began when they fled to the Eye of Terror after the betrayal of an Inquisitorial force, and made their home amongst the other warbands. They started making a name for themselves when they assasinated the leader of a warband, followed by prompt payment from the man who became his successor. The tale travelled quickly, courtesy of the employer, causing several other warband leaders to become more wary, and an equal number of lieutenants to plot their rise to power.

So it's not their history, but it is their mistakes? How about:

"This is not considered their true history, but is held as an example of how blind loyalty can make even worthy men fools."

 

But I'll rewrite that. I don't want to turn the Wraiths into sneering, condescending marines, they have to be realistic to survive and the reality is they made mistakes that need to be learned from.

 

Because of such attention that they have built, they are often requested on the battlefield thus require more astartes. The Phantom Lords have all recognized this problem and have spent nearly ninety percent of all their resources is put into generating new astartes and acclimatize the absorbed warbands into the mindset of the Wraiths of Darkness.

This was not an easy task. Many attempts to 'reset' absorbed warbands failed horribly, leaving automatons or berzerkers. Other Phantom Lords have tried to somehow make the geneseed reproduce faster, and degenerated some of it horribly. However, the Wraiths have slowly learned from their mistakes and have begun to grow their numbers to larger than most chapters.

 

Instead of dropping the percentage-bomb, why not simply make it "spent considerable resources"?

It looks a bit neater that way, to my mind, and the figures are less exact.

 

Hmmmm. I'll rewrite it to be something along those lines.

 

Unlike most other warbands, the Wraiths select those worthy of command into place and execute those who kill for their position. This ensures that the Wraiths do not become disorganized and ineffeceint, and are instead well organized and extremely potent.

 

So does this mean that it's not possible for a Wraith to kill his way to the top?

Have I understood that correctly?

 

Being executed tends to put a damper on people's political careers ;)

 

The Wraiths of Darkness believe in the Chaos Gods, and they believe the Emperor is a name for a technology that creates the Astrominicon. However, the Wraiths do not worship the Chaos Gods, seeing the fate of those who have turned to Chaos. This rule has been broken once, and nearly forced the Wraiths to destruction.

 

Interesting. Are you going to have any more about this event that nearly wiped the WoD out?

 

It's certainly coming together, this IT. Good stuff.

 

'Looks at the Haemon Heresy" Ummmm... :P

 

I'm not sure if it meshes well as a whole, or will when I finally have the free time to edit and add to the main draft.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

For whatever reason... when I click BB code help... it shows most of the codes... just not the ones for sidebars :P

 

If the BB code decides to work for you, could you please post the code for a right side bar?

[Shinzaren]

BB Code 101: The Librarium Tutorial.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Thank you, Shinzaren, the code has now been applied... :P

 

Might I suggest that the Wraiths would be close to Librarium quality? Or would that be intolerable heresy? I only said close, mind you...

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Just making sure this doesn't fall of the page. I'm still not sure if I've uttered heresy yet though.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

It has been submitted to the Librarium... I now know what Night Lords victims feel like... ;)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Well good luck DAT, you're enduring every DIY'ers worst nightmare in the anticipation of almost certain sharp and deadly criticism.

 

(Can that criticism be sharp when it's a bowling ball?)

[Leonaides]

Oh yes it can... A bowling ball is simply so many sharp edges so close together that it just feels like a blunt object.