Walter Payton Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Only In Death Does Duty Begin Index Traitoris: The Legio Solemnitas It was my brief life in the Imperium that taught me the purpose of all life. The purpose of life, is to end. It is inevitable. - Lord Icarus, Reaper-Consul of the Legio Solemnitas What flaws plague Man’s better character? What shames lurk in his heart? Fragile mortality, so tenuous, as a newborn babe, is his fear, his unknown. Man has pushed back the boundaries of knowledge, and now stands as ruler of the galaxy. But still, he dies. Many take juvenat drugs, have bionic, or geno-surgical alterations, or run like beasts from the terrors of the battlefield, to conquer Death. But for the cursed Marines of the Legio Solemnitas, Death has conquered them. And he is not without a purpose. Origins and Founding Per Ardua ad Astra - Personal Motto of Captain Icarus Messor By the time of the 12th Founding in the dying days of the 35th millenium, the Imperium was poised at the brink of a period of upheaval. The Ecclesiarchy was drawing the battlelines for its bitter power struggle with the Administratum, various figures within each organisation’s ranks decrying and indicting the other, a self-destructive spiral which would only be halted by the rise to power of a certain Goge Vandire… Independent of the troubles of church and state, the Adeptus Mechanicus pressed ahead with the process of creating new chapters, and the 12th Founding was no exception. One of the many chapters formed was the Hell Panthers, bearing the noble geneseed of Roboute Guilliman. A cadre of marines from the Black Consuls chapter was provided to train the new chapter, under the command of Captain Icarus Messor. Heraldry of the Hell Panthers Messor’s tactics were based upon the ideals of perseverance and discipline. Impeccable drill and practice were his forte. His reputation for Codex -adherence was well-known even outside of the Consuls. The Panthers were to be a space-faring chapter, plying the stars in monument to Guilliman and the Emperor. They won several victories over the Ork menace in the Segmentum Obscurus, though these are now, tragically stricken from the Imperial Record. At the centre of this, Messor’s unshakeable leadership and keen blade were an example of what any Astartes should aspire to. Indeed, Messor was at the heart of the Hell Panthers’ rise and fall. Under his leadership, the Hell Panthers progressed from strength to strength. Claiming right of conquest over the Death World of Capulus, the Hell Panthers gained a stable recruiting base and a staging ground for their crusades. The marshy jungles, inhabited by savage beasts and feral tribes, provided fertile recruiting grounds for the chapter. The planet’s debris rings contained several promethium deposits, fuelling the chapter’s engines of conquest. Although it was this world, this cradle of martial prowess, that was part of the success of the Hell Panthers, it was their homeworld that undid them. Cometh the Hour, Cometh the Ecclesiarchy Will no-one rid me of this turbulent priest? - Chapter Master Icarus Messor, on the First Day of the Capulus Iconoclasm As with many feral worlds, the tribes of Capulus worshipped the Emperor in an abstract manner, in this case through the worship of forest spirits, ruled over by the Spirit King. The natives believed that this entity ruled from his great garden, hidden in the depths of the marsh-forests. In this garden his subjects were grown and nurtured, and his queen, a goddess he had bested in battle, was bound and shackled. These beliefs were interpreted by the Panthers as an allegory for the Emperor and his Primarchs. The natives had been tested and screened for Chaos taint, and found to be loyal, strong and pure - or so the Panthers claimed. None can now say if this was the case. Seven hundred years after the Hell Panther’s founding, the Imperium was in peril. Goge Vandire had appointed himself to the dual role of Ecclesiarch and High Lord of the Administratum. Simultaneously, the jungles of Capulus had left their mark upon the marines of the Hell Panthers. Over time, the native traditions had become a part of the chapter’s beliefs. Few thought anything of it. Other chapters, such as the Ravens Incarnadine and the Mortifactors, were far more feral in their customs. For their part, the Hell Panthers killed for the Imperium and venerated the Spirit King in his great garden. But they were all of them deceived. As worlds burned in his Reign of Blood, Vandire’s grip on power tightened. Even the Astartes were not immune. The Black Templars, the Fire Hawks, even the Imperial Fists felt his madness. One of the chapters to draw the covetous gaze of the Imperial Church was the Hell Panthers. The Ecclesiarchy, hearing of the Panther’s pantheism, and seeking to demonstrate its lack of fear for the Space Marines, sent a quorum of officials to inspect the jungles of Capulus. Although furious at this challenge to their sovereignty, and angrier still at the breaking of the pacts between Astartes and Ecclesiarchy, the Hell Panthers felt bound by events to allow the church to inspect the natives. Rumours of the atrocities committed by Vandire had reached their ears. Word of the bombing of Zhoros, and the destruction of the Black Templars’ keeps in the Segmentum Solar can only have reinforced the message. The expedition, led by Cardinal Xemenus, spent four months on Capulus, analysing the native belief system and assessing the tribes for piety and purity. Throughout this humiliation, the Hell Panthers stoically tolerated the stinging criticisms of Xemenus and his lackeys. At the end of the fourth month, Xemenus delivered his verdict upon the tribes. They were declared heretics. Chapter Master Messor was instructed to purge the world, before undertaking a hundred year penitent crusade. The Hell Panthers had endured weeks of slights and thinly-veiled accusations from the Cardinal and his priests, and for Messor, this was too much. On what authority could the Ecclesiarchy order the Astartes, what of the oaths between the organisations? The arrogance of the Ecclesiarchy, who thought that in their dominance they could defy oaths brokered by the primarchs themselves, was an insult that would not stand. After all, their spiritual father, Roboute Guilliman, had been a proud man-surely he would expect his sons to act the same way to slights upon their honour? Messor told Xemenus that the only individuals who could order the Hell Panthers to do anything were himself, his primarch and the Emperor. Xemenus reacted in kind, calling the chapter master heretic and Extremis Diabolus. Messor told the Cardinal that he was a lawbreaker and a blinkered fool, and ordered him thrown from the Panthers’ fortress-monastery. Xemenus told the chapter master that he would return, and that the wrath of the Ministorum would come for the Hell Panthers. Messor blandly informed him that the only wrath he feared was that of the Emperor, not his infantile underlings. A furious Xemenus then began a tirade of insults, threats and declamations, which culminated in the execution of him and his retinue by the infuriated Hell Panthers. Messor then gave orders for the fleet of the Hell Panthers to engage the Ecclesiarchy ships in orbit. Transcript of Final Conversation between Xemenus and Messor (fragment begins) <MESSOR>: You threaten me with Excommunication, you threaten my chapter with death and humiliation. Who do you think you are, the Inquisition? Roboute Guilliman? I have bowed and scraped before you like you were the Emperor Himself. No longer. If you do not remove your person and your entourage from my world, then I shall order the defence lasers to destroy your fleet, and have you thrown into the dungeons. <XEMENUS>: I speak with the word of the Emperor, as interpreted by the Ecclesiarch- <MESSOR>: I see that the Tarot is very specific these days, then. You have ten seconds to leave. <XEMENUS>: The Imperium is changing, Marine. Your autonomy is no longer a matter of course. Soon the Ministorum shall be the pre-eminent power, and you shall be subsumed. <MESSOR>: Cardinal of the Ministorum, I gave you ample opportunity to extricate yourself from your net with some honour. But you have stubbornly refused. And you shall suffer for it. (chainsword powers up, XEMENUS screams) <MESSOR>: Kill them all. (vox burst, static) Dark Throne to Minos Command. Authorisation to fire. (bolter fire, further screaming) <VOICE, UNKNOWN>: Oh, Emperor, what have we done? (fragment ends) In the Garden of the Dead The horizon is black with their landers. The forests burn with their fire. The tribes die with their atrocities. The Imperium shudders in their grip. Oh Emperor, oh Guilliman, what have I done? - Personal Log of Chapter Master Icarus Messor Although blinded by arrogance and unprepared for the attack by the Hell Panthers, the Ecclesiastical boats in orbit were not utterly annihilated. The now-deceased Xemenus’s Frateris Templar escorts put up a fire screen, allowing the Cardinal’s pinnace to escape. A month later, the Ecclesiarchy returned, with six divisions of the Frateris Templar, and fleet elements commandeered from the Imperial Navy under Admiral Brutus. The Hell Panthers’ fleet put up a furious defence, but the numbers of the Navy began to tell. Not a single ship managed to escape the invaders. Attr. Goge Vandire “The Emperor died for our sins. Dare we make his sacrifice meaningless by not committing them? The Frateris then landed upon the surface of Capulus itself, and so began the war between Chapter and Church. The Frateris Templar, extolled to acts of suicidal bravery, cut a swathe through the tribes of Capulus. The Navy sent wave after wave of lance strikes and nuclear torpedoes into the lush forests, dust from their impacts blotting out the light of Capulus’s sun forever. The Hell Panthers fought back as best they could, and thousands of Frateris and hundreds of armour pieces were lost in carefully planned ambushes, hideous booby-traps and to the jungle itself. It was not nearly enough. By the seventh month of what became known as the Capulus Iconoclasm, the forests were burning and the Frateris had pushed the Panthers back to their fortress-monastery . The last five hundred Marines fell back to the fortress-monastery to regroup, and to put out desperate calls for aid to their brother chapters. It soon became apparent, however, that the Ecclesiarchy and their allies were well prepared for such an eventuality. The Librarians reported an impenetrable psychic veil covering the world of Capulus. There would be no help from the Astartes. One can only imagine the feelings of Captain Messor. Everything he had done, he had done for the right reasons, everything he had done, he had done for the good of the Imperium. Now that Imperium was turning its back on him, casting him and his chapter out into the wilderness. Yet still he clung to his faith in the Emperor, or rather, the ‘Spirit King’. As the Frateris launched their final assault against the Hell Panthers’ position, he finally fell from grace. While fanatical Ecclesiarchy assaults took his positions apart piecemeal, he screamed a cry of anguish and despair, that echoed in the Empyrean as much as it echoed in the mortal realm. As the last remnants of a once proud chapter, scarce two hundred Marines, huddled around the last few tattered and scorched banners, Messor turned his back upon the Imperium. Crying out for salvation, his voice was heard by the Powers of the Immaterium, and the bloated Granndfather of the Dark Gods, Nurgle “Witness Your New God” Everything I did, I did for the Imperium. Everything I did, I did for Mankind. Everything I did, I did for Guilliman, the Emperor and the High Lords. No longer. Everything I do now, I do for revenge. Let the galaxy burn. Lord Icarus, Reaper-Consul of the Legio Solemnitas As the Frateris forces swept over the redoubts of the Marines position, Nurgle sent forth his daemons. The sky flashed with lightning, the forests echoed with the laughter of insane beasts, and the forces of the Ecclesiarchy perished in agony and disease. The forces in orbit heard garbled calls for help from their forward commanders. Finally the vox links were washed with mocking laughter. The Frateris commander, upon realising the scale of the corruption, ordered his orbital forces to glass the planet. The Ecclesiarchy had come to purify Capulus, and would do that one-way or another. All life on Capulus ended in a rain of thermonuclear missiles. By this time, the Hell Panthers were long gone. Spirited away by the Dark Powers, to a cancer in the heart of the Imperium. To the Maelstrom. It is impossible to know what Faustian bargains were made with the God of Pestilence as he made the marines his own. The men who emerged from the warp on an unknown world near the centre of the Maelstrom were dead. They were dead, and yet they did not fall, could still move and think. They had rejected the Imperium to escape death. Now, they were death itself. Captain Messor declared to his men that they were no longer the men of the Imperium, no longer the Emperor’s lapdogs. Now, they would taste immortality. Now, they would taste revenge. His men, likely because their minds had been broken by the Lord of Decay, knelt before their new god. Father Nurgle, to Lord Icarus “Now the gate has been unlatched, headstones pushed aside. Corpses shift, and offer room, a fate you must abide.” Casting away his old name, Messor rechristened himself Reaper-Consul, and took his first name as his only name. Icarus. Named for an angel of ancient Terra who had flown too close to the sun, and scorched his wings, the name seemed perversely appropriate. The Hell Panthers, he renamed the Legio Solemnitas. Over the course of the next fifty years, the Legio Solemnitas conquered not only the world of their arrival, a small pirate-planet named Remas IV, but, capturing spaceship after spaceship, carved an empire in the Maelstrom. Their plague fleet now numbers over fifty warships, from ancient freighters to their mighty battle-barge, the Arca Archa, formerly of the Eagles of Guilliman. Remas IV, now renamed Nova Capulus, is shaped as a twisted facsimile of old Capulus, from which they have recruited anew. Now, Lord Icarus readies his undead warriors for a new Crusade, to drain the galaxy of life itself. The Blight I no longer fear death, for I am death incarnate. - Brother-Necromancer Valdir of the Legio Solemnitas The Necromancers The Necromancers are the former Apothecaries and Librarians of the Hell Panthers. They spend every waking hour developing new plagues and finding ways of curing the afflictions of the Blight. They also study black texts, looted from the private libraries of many weaker scions of the Dark Gods, and have learned the secrets of resurrecting the dead, so that when the Legio Solemnitas march to war, they are accompanied by a horde of shambling zombies and subverted guardsmen, each seeking to spill the blood of the living. The Marines of the Legio Solemnitas are unique in that they are afflicted with the Blight, a blessing bestowed upon them by their patron Nurgle when they turned. Whilst Nurgle is a Chaos god, he is possessed of that very mortal trait, a sense of humour. When Icarus Messor turned to him to save his chapter from death, Nurgle, never one to miss an opportunity to display his black sense of irony, did so, but bestowed upon them the Blight. The Blight is decomposition. The men of the Legio Solemnitas are alive, yet they are decomposing, their flesh sloughing away to reveal the bones beneath. Those unfortunates in an advanced state of this necrotic disease resemble little more than shambling skeletons in power armour, empty bones dancing with ethereal fire. Without the telepsychic guidance of their sorcerers or Lord Icarus, the Marines of the Legio Solemnitas are often lost, the damage to the living tissue of their brains not entirely balanced by the sustaining daemonic powers of Nurgle. The sorcerers and Necromancers of the Legio Solemnitas are therefore a powerful force within the warband. Despite the effects of the Blight, even when a marine is little more than a walking skeleton, he will not die. Even as their flesh rots and falls away, they will not fall, save to the bullets and blades of the foe. A marine in the grips of the Blight will feel every second of his decomposition, and the only release from the agony is death. Yet the Marines of the Legio Solemnitas view the Blight as a blessing, not a curse, and bear it stoically, for those already dead cannot die. Homeworld Our first disobedience, and the fruit, Of that noble tree, whose valorous taste, Brought death to our world, and all our woe, With loss of Capulus. - Brother Mortimus, Canto XVIII, Catechisms Solemnitas Before the Capulus Iconclasm, the world of Capulus was a death-world, populated by feral tribesmen and ferocious beasts. After the Legio Solemnitas conquered their empire in the Maelstrom, they have been based upon the planet of Nova Capulus. The daemon world is awash with swamps of pus, with vile mangrove trees rising from them like skeletal hands. Hideous beasts, Daemons of Nurgle and worse inhabit this nightmare landscape. It is from this cauldron of decay that the chapter recruits. Lord Icarus, Reaper Consul At the time of the Capulus Iconoclasm, Icarus Messor was over seven hundred years old, though still as mighty and ferocious a warrior as he had been when he was twenty. After the Iconoclasm, he was the first brother to become afflicted with the Blight, and it is he who leads the warband to this day. Clad in Terminator Armour taken from a battle-captain of the Eagles Argent chapter, Lord Icarus wields a mighty storm bolter and an envenomed sword in combat. He is an implacable reaper, and three Officio Assasinorum operatives have been sent against him to date, though none have returned. Yet despite his glories and mighty daemon weapons, Icarus still rails against the shackles placed upon him by his decision. He wanted salvation, not slavery. His confused inner self manifests itself as a great battle rage, as he releases his tortured rage with the blood of his foes. Nova Capulus is populated by tribes, feral and savage. Slaves, taken from the many wars in the Maelstrom fought by the Legio Solemnitas, have been stripped of possessions and placed upon the world, a hideous game from which the undead crusaders draw their new recruits. Every year, the Apothecaries of the Legio Solemnitas, the Necromancers, hold gladiatorial trials and impurity tests. Only the most diseased and determined warriors survive to be chosen, and only the most ruthless of those survive the implantation process to become Astartes. Beliefs This is not war. This is a cull.Sorcerer Victirix of the Legio Solemnitas, prior to the Massacre of the Tyranids at Zaitsev II The Legio Solemnitas revere Nurgle, the Dark God of Decay. They have a great many solemn rites and reverences. They venerate their deity through acts of depraved worship, human sacrifice and blood worship. Over time, and no doubt due to the effects of the Blight, the marines of the Legio Solemnitas have come to despise life in all its forms. The motivation is undoubtedly envy of those who can still feel the world around them. This has endowed them with an especial hatred for the Tyranid, as they view these as the epitome of life, a primal force of nature. The Battle of Theodosius’s Gambit In the latter years of M40, the Legio Solemnitas received word of an Imperial Convoy passing through the shrouded region of the Theodosius’s Gambit. Although the omens and portents did not reveal what the convoy contained, Lord Icarus decreed that the Legio Solemnitas would assault the convoy. The gibbering voices of the Warp told them that great rewards would be their if they did so. For nearly a month the Legio Solemnitas tracked their quarry, through the dust fields and asteroid belts of Theodosius’s Gambit. After several abortive attempts to engage, Lord Icarus set up a cordon around the entire area of space, trapping the Imperials. Then he sent in his personal Terminator bodyguards, aboard the mighty battle-barge Arca Archa, to scour the entire asteroid belt for the hidden Imperials. Catching the Imperials at the Stronos Cluster, the Legio Solemnitas Terminators teleported aboard the largest Imperial ship, as volleys of plaguefire from the Arca Archa took the enemy escorts apart. The Terminators, slaughtering barely armed navy ratings, found a prize worth ten times the exenpenditure of the mission. 500 suits of MkVII Power Armour, fresh from the Martian Forges. Taking both the ship and the armour back to Nova Capulus, the Legio Solemnitas would be well stocked with armour for years to come. The Legio Solemnitas follows a twisted version of the ideals of Monodominancy often espoused by the more rabid members of the Inquisition. The Company believe that only those mortals that follow Nurgle have the necessary strength to prosper. Of them, only the Legio Solemnitas have strength enough to endure. Robur quamquam pestilentias, strength through disease, is a central tenet of the Legio Solemnitas, and many brothers consume terrible poisons and tainted bacteria to prove their devotion to their Lord, They revere daemons as the heralds and footsoldiers of Nurgle that they are, especially greater daemons, and remember the debt of gratitude owed to them since they saved them on Capulus. Despite this bond, daemons are rarely summoned, the company preferring to prosecute wars in its own way. The exception is Greater Daemons, to whom the Solemnitas Company often turn for advice or orders from the Lord of Decay. The Legio Solemnitas view themselves as missionaries for their morbid cult. They are often accompanied by hordes of cultists, willing to die a glorious death in battle, and ascend into Nurgle’s loving embrace. Where they strike, uprising and plague will surely follow. Very occasionally, even Space Marines of the Imperium are captured by the Solemnitas. At such times, the Necromancers will proselytise the glories of the Dark Gods. Needless to say, such a process is never without the application of severe pain. Most such unfortunates die, strapped to the Necromancers’ operating tables, choosing death over damnation. Yet some do not. Most of all, the Legio Solemnitas are defined by their bitterness and hatred for the Imperium. The Legio Solemnitas watched with envy and loathing as the the Reign of Blood was ended by their former brothers. They watched as the Capulus Iconoclasm was consigned to the musty cellar of history, its relevance forgotten. Their bitterness at being cast out is matched only by their sense of betrayal. Salvation came, but it came too late to save them from their agonising servitude to Grandfather Nurgle. Their hatred for the Imperium and life has led them to declare a twisted parody of an Imperial Crusade, known to them as the Menagerie of Pus. Soon, they will tear out of the Maelstrom, and demolish the rotten cage of the galaxy, and put an end to life itself. Organisation Heraldry of the Legio Solemnitas I maintain that the effectiveness of the Space Marine stems from not only its massive firepower, but from its size. When enemies look at a Space Marine and then compare it to the men who might be mustered to attack it, they have a tendency to dismiss such a notion as suicidal rather than approach the problem tactically. The Plague Charioteer, former Master of the Forge of the Hell Panthers The Legio Solemnitas, through careful recruiting and the assimilation of other warbands over the thousands of years since their excommunication, has swollen to number nearly two thousand marines. These are arranged into the Three Brotherhoods, each one numbering roughly 600 Plague Marines. Outwith these brotherhoods exists Lord Icarus’s household, consisting of the original 1st Company of the Hell Panthers, and the Necromancers. The Legio Solemnitas has a single dreadnought, Ancient Veridian, who was awakened for the defence of Capulus, and a handful of original battletanks. The bulk of their armoured strength comes from captured Imperial armour pieces, often ‘re-engineered’ (at exorbitant expense) by the Dark Mechanicum. The Solemnitas’s mortal allies, cultists and heretics, are left to their own devices and to organise their own squads and command structure as they see fit. Although this can lead to violence, the Legio Solemnitas do not see this as a problem. After all, only by the bloodstained process of natural selection has Mankind risen to dominate the galaxy. As long as the mortals fight when they are told to, the Legio Solemnitas. cares not for their squabbles. Combat Doctrine Capture the fortress, by all means. Kill their leaders, by all means. Destroy their tanks, by all means. Strike such fear into their hearts that they cannot stomach the fight ahead, as you wish. Just make sure you leave behind a few good diseases. Nothing too fancy, maybe a few necrotic viruses, perhaps that disemboweller bacterium my brother Walfrid has been developing.Brother-Necromancer Ebolas, to the Second Brotherhood of Decay, before the Assault on Kasr Karnak When not supported by their mortal allies, the Legio Solemnitas lean towards a sudden assault, allowing them time to seed the area with disease spores and then withdraw, to watch as the enemy perish in Nurgle’s embrace. Certain champions, selected before the battle begins, are armed with mighty Plague Censers to spread the poisons of the warp amongst the Emperor’s subjects. When they can call upon the support of their cultist allies, the Legio Solemnitas tends to send them in first, and allow the enemy to chew through their ammunition and supplies before the main Astartes attack. They make heavy use of mechanised transports to cover as much ground as possible, and therefore spread their diseases over the widest area. Often, those Astartes who have displeased Lord Icarus are forced to accompany the Cultists into battle. Few return. Battle-Cry Even Angels fear the Reaper! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
TC213 Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 I like. This is in my book a Good Thing. Your writing is good, there are few blemishes (right wing inquisitors? voting republican in the 41st millenium?) :tu: Both the Hell Panthers and the Solemnitas Company have a nice and interesting history, and I like the Menagerie of Pus. But to me they seem like need two different IAs. There is no indication that the Hell Panthers should become the Solemnitas Company. Backed into a corner by the cult of the Emperor and in desperation turning to plea bargain with the Chaos gods tastes a bit of MISS. Only other Astartes to do that are the Thousand Sons(as far as I remember), and even then there were signs... I think it would be better if you foreshadow their turning a bit more. Astartes turning to Chaos is a gradual process. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2355952 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Very nice! Just a couple of things I spotted, though. Often, those Astartes. who have displeased Lord Icarus are forced to accompany the Cultists into battle, and into oblivion’s embrace The full stop after Astartes was probably intended for the end of the sentence, right? Necromancers: “Even Angels fear the Reaper” Battle-Brothers: “EXTERMINATE” I thought this chapter was awesome and well written, then right at the end you turn them into Daleks. Regrettably I can't conjure up a suitable replacement word on the fly, though, so I'll have to leave that in your hands. :wink: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2356004 Share on other sites More sharing options...
RagingGriffon Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Well done. I think you are 75% there :rolleyes: I agree with TC213. There was no build up to a crossover to Nurgle. If anything I thought it was going to be Khorne. I mean, he gave them 10 seconds and then he raged and killed them all. Maybe you can tweek it a bit so the calling out to Nurgle makes sense. I mean, if you want to take the angle of Nurgle was the one that answered, and then he plague-ified them, then that's fine. I just don't see how a making the skin slough off is "humorous" to the Hell Panthers. You never mentioned anything of them revering their physical forms or anything like that. Do you see where I am going with this? Let me know if I need to clarify more. Salvation came, but, as is so often the case in the war-torn galaxy of the 41st millennium Meh. Cut that. You just took that off the WH website. You have better writing skills than that. Last, I don't like your traitor warband's name. Sorry. It doesn't do anything for me. It sounds forced. Other than that, good starting point. I am going to keep my eye on this one. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2356368 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted April 10, 2010 Author Share Posted April 10, 2010 Well done. I think you are 75% there ;) Thank you very much indeed. :lol: I agree with TC213. There was no build up to a crossover to Nurgle. If anything I thought it was going to be Khorne. I mean, he gave them 10 seconds and then he raged and killed them all. Maybe you can tweek it a bit so the calling out to Nurgle makes sense. I mean, if you want to take the angle of Nurgle was the one that answered, and then he plague-ified them, then that's fine. I just don't see how a making the skin slough off is "humorous" to the Hell Panthers. You never mentioned anything of them revering their physical forms or anything like that. Do you see where I am going with this? Let me know if I need to clarify more. Okay then, I will make more of a build up to that. I meant that, they called out to Nurgle to avoid death, and he saves them from oblivion, but not death-they have died, but they are still conscious and walking about. Salvation came, but, as is so often the case in the war-torn galaxy of the 41st millennium Meh. Cut that. You just took that off the WH website. You have better writing skills than that. Eh? I didn't take it off the WH website, I came up with it all by myself. Will change. Last, I don't like your traitor warband's name. Sorry. It doesn't do anything for me. It sounds forced. I kinda like the name-it was the one agreed on the Nurgle forums. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2356460 Share on other sites More sharing options...
RagingGriffon Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 I just meant the "war-torn galaxy of the 41st Millenium." That is the all over GW. You have to ask yourself: Why did they call out to Nurgle to save them from death? Do they know about Nurgle extensively? How would they know he would be able to save them? Why Nurgle? It just hasn't been answered. Again, to me, you mention expert drills, monuments to Guilliman/MacCragge, etc. That leans towards Khorne/Slaanesh (depending which angle you want to take: desire to be perfect/wonton warlords). About the name... that was just my opinion. If you love it, keep it. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2356484 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted April 10, 2010 Author Share Posted April 10, 2010 Edited slightly in accordance with C+C Summary: Added new paragraph in origins: Despite his exemplary combat record, Messor was a controversial figure outside the corridors of the Black Consuls' fortress-monastery. His Battle-Brethren would call him pragmatic, however, his detractors in the Inquisition and in other quarters of the Imperium would call him callous, unfeeling, even cowardly. Despite his many victories, Messor rarely fought a hopeless fight. When confronted by impossible odds, he was wont to retreat, saving as many Space Marines as he could, to the detriment of those Imperial citizens that he would otherwise have protected. Indeed, his desire to preserve his men, at the expense of others, perhaps even at the expense of honour, had surfaced on several occasions, and some expressed misgivings about his being given a chapter. Perhaps, had the High Lords of Terra been fulfilling their roles adequately, he would never have become Chapter Master, but those who were meant to govern the Imperium were otherwise occupied by petty feuding and partisan power struggles. His promotion was went unnoticed. Also, the bit about the Spirit-King in the Garden, did no-one get that? Ace: have removed the Exterminate battle-cry-damn, you noticed. They were insipred by the Daleks,and Agent Smith, so I thought, why not have a wee tribute to them... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2356492 Share on other sites More sharing options...
TC213 Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 Sorry, but the new paragraph sounds forced to me. About the Spirit-King, on my last readthrough it sounded as though you were hinting that it was Nurgle they worshipped. If that is the case, que interesting tie-in. -Chapter finds homeworld -Much mention of hot, humid and fetid jungle -Spirit-King is worshipped -Worship spreads to Chapter through recruits -Church comes a-knocking -Woe and battle occurs -In desperation, calls to Spirit-King -Nurgle answers the plea -Celebration and party all around My 0.02$. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2357196 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted April 11, 2010 Author Share Posted April 11, 2010 Sorry, but the new paragraph sounds forced to me. About the Spirit-King, on my last readthrough it sounded as though you were hinting that it was Nurgle they worshipped. If that is the case, que interesting tie-in. -Chapter finds homeworld -Much mention of hot, humid and fetid jungle -Spirit-King is worshipped -Worship spreads to Chapter through recruits -Church comes a-knocking -Woe and battle occurs -In desperation, calls to Spirit-King -Nurgle answers the plea -Celebration and party all around My 0.02$. Good idea, thanks ^^ Plan. I will re-draft the origins section tonight, though poosibly not update. Watch this space. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2357826 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted April 12, 2010 Author Share Posted April 12, 2010 Not had time to re-draft due to real world stuff-any more C&C on what is there now? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2359386 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 I love this IA. Really well written a thought of (as usual with you :) ) Can't wait to see more!! :D Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2363568 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 There are strange things done 'neath the midnight sun by the men who moil for... Octavulg! This is fun. :lol: Only In Death Does Duty Begin Zombies! Brother-Necromancer Falx of the Solemnitas Company Ha! Zombies. The doom of the Solemnitas Company, formerly the Hell Panthers, lies scant centuries after their founding, as the Imperium cried out in the agonies of the Reign of Blood … By the time of the 17th Founding, the Imperium was poised at the brink of a period of upheaval. The Ecclesiarchy was drawing the battlelines for its bitter power struggle with the Administratum, various figures within each organisation’s ranks decrying and indicting the other, a self-destructive spiral which would only be halted by the rise to power of a certain Goge Vandire… Ellipses are not toys, young man. Tone it down. :P Stubbornly independent of the troubles of the wider Imperium, the Adeptus Mechanicus and Legiones Astartes pressed ahead with the process of creating new chapters, and the 17th Founding was no exception. One of the many chapters formed was the Hell Panthers, bearing the noble geneseed of Roboute Guilliman. A cadre of marines from the Black Consuls chapter was provided to train the new chapter, under the command of a young but talented Captain, Icarus Messor. Adeptus, not Legiones. Messor, whose name means ‘reaper’ in High Gothic, was, indeed, at the heart of the Hell Panthers’ rise and fall. You're overusing commas. And if I say you're overusing commas then trust me, son, you are. and the destruction of the Black Templars’ chapter keeps in the Sol System can only have reinforced the message. Where's this from, out of curiousity. The Hell Panthers, he renamed the Solemnitas Company, after the High Gothic word for ‘fester’. Don't explain the Latin. The Marines of the Solemnitas Company are unique in that they are afflicted with the Blight, a blessing bestowed upon them by their patron Nurgle when they turned. Nurgle is a capricious and merciless god, yet, unlike any other Chaos God, he is possessed of that very mortal trait, a sense of humour. When Captain Icarus Messor turned to him in his attempt to save his chapter from death, Nurgle, never one to miss an opportunity to display his black sense of irony, did so, but bestowed upon them the Blight. But...but Nurgle loves all his little children! Also, Tzeentch and Slaanesh definitely have senses of humour. Despite the effects of the Blight, even when a marine is little more than a walking skeleton, he will not die. Even as their flesh rots and falls away, they will not fall, save to the bullets and blades of the foe. A marine in the grips of the Blight will feel every second of his decomposition, and the only release from the agony is death. Yet the Marines of the Solemnitas Company view the Blight as a blessing, not a curse, and bear it stoically. After all, life is a prison, death a release. No, Alecto. Life is a restaurant, and the Lord of Rot your maitre'd. Don't do anything that scans like a song from Aladdin. Ever. A roiling hellworld of blood, sweat and pus, inhabited by the most evil and capricious beasts and daemons, eternally struggling with savage tribesfolk? No place like home…Brother Mortimus, Third Brotherhood of Decay, Solemnitas Company A little too perky at the end, there. This is not war. This is pest control.Sorcerer Victirix of the Solemnitas Company, prior to the Massacre of the Tyranids at Zaitsev II I'd say something like "culling the vermin" would be more gothicky. * * * This is excellent, plain and simple. However, there are a few points. 1) You're a little heavy on the commas at times. As in changing-the-meaning-of-sentences heavy. 2) This is a long IT. At 5000 words, it's definitely pushing the upper end of acceptable for fan-based IAs. I'd recommend wandering through and seeing if you can tighten it up slightly. Later sections might be good targets. Closer to 4500 would be nice (and 4000 would be good, but I'm not sure that's practical). 3) Every so often, you seem to get carried away and push a little further than you should - that bit about BT Chapter Keeps and about Nurgle being the only god with a sense of humour stick out. You need to be a little more circumspect - leave some room for others in the universe, remember. Still. Damn good. Give it an editing pass, then I will, then we'll haggle for a while and it'll go in. :unsure: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2439504 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyner Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 Wasn't it during the Age of Apostasy (think I got that right) where a Templars keep was attacked and destroyed? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2439764 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurgan the Lurker Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 Adeptus, not Legiones. Legiones is a proper usage in this case. Even in RT days the "Legiones Astartes" referred to all Chapters as a whole. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2439854 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 In recent times, at least, I can only recall it being used for the, well, Legions... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2439885 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 There are strange things done 'neath the midnight sun by the men who moil for... Octavulg! Made my evening... Zombies! Ha! Zombies. Are these exclamations of joy or are you telling me that it is over-themed? The doom of the Solemnitas Company, formerly the Hell Panthers, lies scant centuries after their founding, as the Imperium cried out in the agonies of the Reign of Blood … By the time of the 17th Founding, the Imperium was poised at the brink of a period of upheaval. The Ecclesiarchy was drawing the battlelines for its bitter power struggle with the Administratum, various figures within each organisation’s ranks decrying and indicting the other, a self-destructive spiral which would only be halted by the rise to power of a certain Goge Vandire… Ellipses are not toys, young man. Tone it down. :P Consider it done. I'll take out the first one. Stubbornly independent of the troubles of the wider Imperium, the Adeptus Mechanicus and Legiones Astartes pressed ahead with the process of creating new chapters, and the 17th Founding was no exception. One of the many chapters formed was the Hell Panthers, bearing the noble geneseed of Roboute Guilliman. A cadre of marines from the Black Consuls chapter was provided to train the new chapter, under the command of a young but talented Captain, Icarus Messor. Adeptus, not Legiones. Okay. Messor, whose name means ‘reaper’ in High Gothic, was, indeed, at the heart of the Hell Panthers’ rise and fall. You're overusing commas. And if I say you're overusing commas then trust me, son, you are. Okay. and the destruction of the Black Templars’ chapter keeps in the Sol System can only have reinforced the message. Where's this from, out of curiousity. I found it in an old-ish UK White Dwarf, in a feature about the recently released Black Templars. It detailed several eminent Black Templars (Folker, Gervhart, Ludoldus, and Sigenandus). It started that Vandire bombed their chapter keeps. I can remove it if you want. The Hell Panthers, he renamed the Solemnitas Company, after the High Gothic word for ‘fester’. Don't explain the Latin. Will change. The Marines of the Solemnitas Company are unique in that they are afflicted with the Blight, a blessing bestowed upon them by their patron Nurgle when they turned. Nurgle is a capricious and merciless god, yet, unlike any other Chaos God, he is possessed of that very mortal trait, a sense of humour. When Captain Icarus Messor turned to him in his attempt to save his chapter from death, Nurgle, never one to miss an opportunity to display his black sense of irony, did so, but bestowed upon them the Blight. But...but Nurgle loves all his little children! Also, Tzeentch and Slaanesh definitely have senses of humour. Will re-word and refine. Despite the effects of the Blight, even when a marine is little more than a walking skeleton, he will not die. Even as their flesh rots and falls away, they will not fall, save to the bullets and blades of the foe. A marine in the grips of the Blight will feel every second of his decomposition, and the only release from the agony is death. Yet the Marines of the Solemnitas Company view the Blight as a blessing, not a curse, and bear it stoically. After all, life is a prison, death a release. No, Alecto. Life is a restaurant, and the Lord of Rot your maitre'd. Don't do anything that scans like a song from Aladdin. Ever. Will remove that offending sentence. Never see Aladdin. The Little Mermaid for the win... A roiling hellworld of blood, sweat and pus, inhabited by the most evil and capricious beasts and daemons, eternally struggling with savage tribesfolk? No place like home…Brother Mortimus, Third Brotherhood of Decay, Solemnitas Company A little too perky at the end, there. This is not war. This is pest control.Sorcerer Victirix of the Solemnitas Company, prior to the Massacre of the Tyranids at Zaitsev II I'd say something like "culling the vermin" would be more gothicky. Will change. This is excellent, plain and simple. Thank's very much. 1) You're a little heavy on the commas at times. As in changing-the-meaning-of-sentences heavy. Alright, will work on that when I re-draft. 2) This is a long IT. At 5000 words, it's definitely pushing the upper end of acceptable for fan-based IAs. I'd recommend wandering through and seeing if you can tighten it up slightly. Later sections might be good targets. Closer to 4500 would be nice (and 4000 would be good, but I'm not sure that's practical). I'll do my best. 3) Every so often, you seem to get carried away and push a little further than you should - that bit about BT Chapter Keeps and about Nurgle being the only god with a sense of humour stick out. You need to be a little more circumspect - leave some room for others in the universe, remember. Am I being slow here? I get the Nurgle bit, but what's wrong about the BT chapter keeps (I'm not disputing you, by the way)? Still. Damn good. Give it an editing pass, then I will, then we'll haggle for a while and it'll go in. ;) I'll get right on that. Thanks for the review. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2439968 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 I found it in an old-ish UK White Dwarf, in a feature about the recently released Black Templars. It detailed several eminent Black Templars (Folker, Gervhart, Ludoldus, and Sigenadus). It started that Vandire bombed their chapter keeps. I can remove it if you want. I'm just confused by them having keeps in the Sol system. The IF are the only ones who recruit there, after all. Never see Aladdin. The Little Mermaid for the win... Blasphemy! I'll do my best. That should be enough. :) Am I being slow here? I get the Nurgle bit, but what's wrong about the BT chapter keeps (I'm not disputing you, by the way)? The IF are the only Chapter allowed to recruit from Terra. And I do wish I could figure out the source for that, BTW. Thanks for the review. Not a problem. It is, in fact, part of the job description. :P Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2439984 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 I'll just remove the BT thing then. Evidently the article in question was not one of GW's finest hour. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2439987 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 Remove the Sol thing. That's the particular sticking point. Take out the particular system and it's fine. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2439991 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 Remove the Sol thing. That's the particular sticking point. Take out the particular system and it's fine. Okay. I'll get editing tomorrow. The World Cup is its own excuse... :) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2439992 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 Remove the Sol thing. That's the particular sticking point. Take out the particular system and it's fine. Checked the old WD. It was the Segmentum Solar, not the Sol System. Mea culpa. <_< Re-drafted, my Word Processor tells me it is 4,392 words now. Have tried to eat more full stops and cut down on my comma intake. Enjoy! EDIT: It ain't working yet. Will have to proof the whole thing for BB Code errors. Jesus. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2440659 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 BB Code makes me want to die. That's the formatting done. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2440777 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Argon Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 BB Code makes me want to die. That's the formatting done. Don't worry. There are many of us who know the pain of BBCode errors. The IT is very good. I couldn't spot any glaring errors or fluff violations. I like the color schemes you've made, especially their Nurgle one. Nice use of the really dark green. Naming the battle-barge Arca Archa almost broke my suspension of disbelief, but then I looked up what it meant. I see what you did there. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2440859 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 Naming the battle-barge Arca Archa almost broke my suspension of disbelief, but then I looked up what it meant. I see what you did there. Latin for the win... The Prussian Chapter I'm planning to start next is going to have one named the Imperium Imperial :wub:. I love names like that. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2440875 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walter Payton Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 New quotation, adapted from Paradise Lost (how appropriate), and an (in my opinion) improved ending to the 'In the Garden of the Dead' section. C&C always welcome. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/197786-index-traitoris-the-solemnitas-company/#findComment-2441539 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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